The-Journal-of-Charles-Wesley
1732. He willingly encountered, in their behalf, a variety of fatigue and danger; and thus became the founder of the colony of Georgia; a colony which afterwards set the noble example of prohibiting the importation of slaves. This new establishment he strenuously and successfully defended against a powerful attack of the Spaniards. In the year in which he quitted England to found this settlement, he nobly strove to secure our true national defence by sea and land, - -a free navy, without impressing, - a constitutional militia. But his social affections were more enlarged than even the term patriotism can express: he was the friend of the oppressed Negro; no part of the globe was too remote, no interest too unconnected, or too much opposed to his own, to prevent the immediate succour of suffering humanity. For such qualities he received, from the ever-memorable
John Duke of Argyle, a full testimony, in the British Senate, to his military character, his natural generosity, his contempt of danger, and regard for the public. A similar encomium is perpetuated in a foreign language; and, by one of our most celebrated poets, his remembrance is transmitted to posterity in lines justly expressive of the purity, the ardour, and the extent of his benevolence. He lived till the 1st of July, 1785; a venerable instance of what a duration a life of temperance and virtuous labour is capable of being protracted. His widow, Elizabeth, daughter of Sir Nathan Wright, of Cranham Hall, Bart., and only sister of Sir Samuel Wright, of the same place, surviving, with regret, but with due submission to divine Providence, an affectionate husband, after an union of more than forty years, hath inscribed to his memory these faint traces of his excellent character.
Religion watches o'er his urn,
And all the Virtues bending mourn:
Humanity, with languid eye,
Melting for others' misery;
Prudence, whose hands a measure hold,
And Temperance, with a chain of gold
Fidelity's triumphant vest,
And Fortitude, in armour dress'd;
Wisdom's grey locks, and Freedom, join
The moral train to bless his shrine;
And pensive all, around his ashes holy,
Their last sad honours pay in order melancholy."
Such was the man who drew the Wesleys from an ascetic and retired state of life, in which they intended to spend their days, into a course of active service for the good of mankind, and whose name is therefore associated with theirs in the imperishable records of the church.
IV.
FEW brief observations concerning the contents of the ensuing volumes must suffice, considering the unexpected length to which this introduction has been extended.
The Journal of Mr. Charles Wesley, which is placed the first in order, contains an artless but spirited account of his labours and sufferings in Georgia, accompanied by many interesting notices respecting the colony; his return to England, as the bearer of dispatches from the Governor, with a description of some singular characters that came under his observation during the voyage; the manner in which he was led to a practical reception of the doctrine of present salvation from sin by faith in the Lord Jesus. From this time, it will be found that his character was entirely changed. He was no longer the anxious, perplexed, and disappointed inquirer after peace and holiness; wishing to die, because, while he earnestly sought these blessings, he found them not; supposing that a joyous certainty of acceptance with God, and of conformity to His will, is unattainable in this life. Instead of singing, in a tone of pensiveness and despair, as he had formerly done,
"Doubtful and insecure of bliss,
Since Death alone confirms me His," he now possessed the inward and abiding witness of his personal adoption, and exclaimed, with holy thankfulness,
"No condemnation now I dread,
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine!
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the' eternal throne,
And claim the crown through Christ my own."
Instead of being "carnal, and sold under sin," he felt that, "to be spiritually minded is life and peace." This great salvation from the guilt, the misery, and the power of sin, the faith by which it is obtained, the penitence by which it is preceded, and the practical holiness which is invariably consequent upon it, formed the chief subjects of his effective ministry, which ended only with his life.
His laborious zeal and his success, as an Itinerant Evangelist, which may be gathered from the subsequent parts of his Journal, have seldom been equalled, and perhaps in no instance surpassed, at least since the apostolic times. They place him on a level with his honoured brother, and their common friend Mr. Whitefield. In London, Bristol, Bath, Birmingham, Nottingham, Sheffield, Leeds, Manchester, Newcastle, Wales, - among the miners of Cornwall, Kingswood, Staffordshlre, Yorkshire, and the north, - among the Romanists of Dublin, and of the south and west of Ireland, - his labours were abundant, his persecutions and privations severe, and his success was most encouraging. Many of the Wesleyan societies in those places were formed by him at the hazard of his life; and his Journal, with that of his brother, will supply ample materials for a history of Methodism, which is greatly needed, and which it is hoped some person of competent abilities and leisure will at no distant period undertake.
There is one subject of painful interest in the Journal, upon which it is requisite to offer a remark, - the separation of the two Wesleys from the Moravian Brethren, to whom they were both indebted, under God, for correct views concerning the nature and method of salvation, and therefore for their religious enjoyments. It cannot be denied that some persons of leading influence among the Moravians, then in England, held and propagated grievous errors respecting the ordinances of religion, by means of which not a few persons lost the fervent piety by which they had been distinguished. The abettors of these errors the Wesleys felt it their duty, in all faithfulness, to withstand, and to warn their children in the Lord against them. On this subject the testimonies of the brothers are in perfect agreement.
It is, however, due to the Moravian body to state, that the men who propagated these errors departed from the recognised creed of the Church to which they belonged; so that the Church should not be held responsible for their peculiar tenets; except in this, that the offending parties were silently tolerated, and not subjected to the rebuke and correction which they merited, and which every church is bound to administer in cases of this kind. The doctrine of the Moravian Church, in respect of Christian ordinances, as it is expounded by Spangenberg and La Trobe, does not appear at all to differ from the doctrine of other Protestant communities; so that the "stillness" which Molther and some of his associates inculcated, and which consisted in abstinence from prayer, from reading the Scriptures, and from attending the public preaching of the Gospel, was not less opposed to the tenets of their own Church, than it was to the judgment of the Wesleys. The evils which resulted from it were great; so that strong and decisive measures in opposition to it were indispensable.
The Correspondence of Mr. Charles Wesley, which immediately follows the Journal, consists mostly of letters which were addressed to his wife in Bristol, when he was fulfilling his ministerial duties in London. These artless epistles, which were written without the slightest apprehension that they would ever be published, and which express the undisguised sentiments of his heart, are conceived to be of inestimable value. To a great extent they supply the deficiencies of the Journal; for they record the writer's feelings and labours when the Journal was discontinued. They prove that when he had become the head of a family, and ceased to travel through England and Ireland as he had formerly done, his zeal still burned with an ardent and steady flame; conversions under his word were numerous; he freely sacrificed the pleasures of domestic life for considerable periods of time, when the necessities of the people required his absence from home; the unction of God still rested upon him; and the effusions of divine influence which came upon him and his congregations, especially when they were engaged in their sacramental services, were powerful, frequent, and refreshing; so that the people knew not how to separate. The Pastor entered fully into the spirit of devotion, so as to have power with God; the communicants sympathized with him in his pleading importunity; and all felt that "the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." Of these seasons of special visitation and blessing, Mrs. Wesley was often apprized by her absent lord.
These domestic letters bespeak the hand and heart of the husband and of the father, and convey a favourable impression of the writer in both these sacred relations. They manifest his uninterrupted concern for the health and comfort of his wife, and above all for her spiritual welfare. His pious inquiries concerning her religious progress, the encouragements which he suggests to stimulate her faith, his kind and delicate promptings of her to prayer, and especially secret prayer, his tender questionings respecting his infant children, and his suggestions concerning the Christian management of them as their mental faculties expanded, are honourable to him, and contain many lessons of great practical importance to all who sustain the same relations. His wife and children he regarded as a trust committed to him by God; and he was anxious to resign his trust with acceptance and joy.
His letters also show, in an incidental manner, something of the esteem and affection with which he was regarded by an extensive circle of intelligent Christians, among whom were several of the most eminent Ministers of the age, especially the evangelical Clergy; such as Venn of Clapham, Romaine of St. Ann's, Jones of Southwark, and Madan of the Lock chapel, before he had ruined his reputation and usefulness by his speculations on polygamy.
The selections from the author's poetry, which follow next in order, reflect great honour upon his genius. Notwithstanding the sameness of the subjects which they embrace, and the occasions upon which they were written, they present a beautiful variety both of sentiment and expression. They exhibit, with no less distinctness, the tenderness and piety of his personal friendships, and the spirit of the people whose characters were formed under his ministry and that of his fellow-labourers. Happy the men whose preaching was followed by such results! who saw among their own spiritual children persons who adorned the doctrine of God our Saviour, by their spirit and deportment, in all the relations of social and domestic life, and then passed to the companionship of angels and of glorified saints with the very language of heaven upon their lips.
Some of these poetical compositions were never before printed; and the rest have been hitherto known by only a very limited number of readers; most of them having been out of print more than half a century, and others of them for twice that period. They show how the Methodist Christians, who were in religious fellowship with the Wesleys, lived and died a century ago. In the beautiful and expressive lines of the venerable Charles Wesley, these devout people still speak, reminding the members of the living church of their high privilege and calling, and beckoning them to the heaven which is provided for them.
The second series of poetical selections mostly refer to facts which are recorded in the Journal and Correspondence, and therefore serve to illustrate the author's personal history. They express, in his own inimitable manner, the spirit of faith, of patience, and of holy zeal, in which he laboured and suffered as a Christian Evangelist and Pastor, who was intrusted with the Gospel message and the care of souls.
The Editor of these volumes cherishes a feeling of lively satisfaction in sending them forth into the world, persuaded as he is of their tendency to promote true spiritual religion; "righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost." They exhibit the power of evangelical truth, and the signs which follow, when it is preached by men of faith and prayer. Why should not conversions be as numerous in the congregations of the present age, as they were in the days of the Wesleys? Gospel truth is the same; the mercy and power of Christ have suffered no diminution; the grace of the Holy Spirit is as omnipotent as it ever was; the ordinances of day and night shall cease sooner than the word of the living God shall fail; the gracious covenant of God still remains in force, so that fervent and believing prayer is as prevalent as it was even in the apostolic times. O for a return of those days when in every religious assembly the power of the Lord was signally present, to wound the consciences of the impenitent, to heal the broken in heart, to comfort and sanctify those who had through grace believed! Let all who are interested in the cause of Christianity remember, that the irrevocable word which secures the future enlargement of the church has passed the lips of Him who cannot lie.
Faith, mighty faith the promise sees,
And looks to that alone,
Laughs at impossibilities,
And cries IT SHALL BE DONE!"
THOMAS JACKSON.
RICHMOND, March 7th, 1849.
The Journal of Charles Wesley
March 9 - August 30, 1736
TUESDAY, March 9th, 1736, about three in the afternoon, I first set foot on St. Simon's island, and immediately my spirit revived. No sooner did I enter upon my ministry, than God gave me, like Saul, another heart. So true in that [remark] of Bishop Hall: "The calling of God never leaves a man unchanged; neither did God ever employ any one in His service, whom He did not enable to the work He set him; especially those whom He raises up to the supply of His place, and the representation of Himself." The people, with Mr. Oglethorpe, all arrived the day before.
The first who saluted me on my landing was honest Mr. Ingham, with his usual heartiness. Never did I more rejoice at the sight of him; especially when he told me the treatment he had met with, for vindicating the Lord's day: such as every Minister of Christ must meet with. The people seemed overjoyed to see me: Mr. Oglethorpe in particular received me very kindly.
I spent the afternoon in the conference with my parishioners. (With what trembling ought I to call them mine!) At seven we had evening prayers, in the open air, at which Mr. Oglethorpe was present. The lesson gave me the fullest direction, and greatest encouragement: "Continue instant in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; with praying also for us, that God would open unto us a door of utterance, to speak the mystery of Christ; that I may make it manifest, as I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." "Say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received of the Lord, that thou fulfil it." (Col. 4:2-6, 17.) At nine I returned, and lay in the boat.
Wed., March l0th. Between five and six in the morning I read short prayers to a few at the fire, before Mr. Oglethorpe's tent, in a hard shower of rain. Mr. Oglethorpe had set up a tent for the women, near his own. Toward noon I found an opportunity of talking at the tentdoor with Mrs. W. I laboured to guard her against the cares of the world, and to give herself to God in the Christian sacrifice; but to no purpose. God was pleased not to add weight to my words; therefore they could make no impression.
After dinner I began talking with M. Germain, about baptizing her child by immersion. She was much averse to it, though she owned it a strong, healthy child. I then spoke to her husband, who was soon satisfied, and brought his wife to be so too.
In the evening I endeavoured to reconcile M.W. to M.H., who, I assured her, bore her no ill-will. She replied, "You must not tell me that. M.H. is a very subtle woman. I understand her perfectly. There is a great man in the case; therefore I cannot speak; only that she is exceeding jealous of me." Company stopped her saying more.
Thur., March 11th. At ten this morning I began the full service, to about a dozen women, whom I had got together; intending to continue it, and only to read a few prayers to the men before they went to work.
I also, expounded the second lesson with some boldness, as I had a few times before.
After prayers I met M.H.'s maid, in a great passion of tears, at being struck by her mistress. She seemed resolved to make away with herself, to escape her Egyptian bondage. With much difficulty I prevailed upon her to return, and carried her back to her mistress.
Upon my asking M.H. to forgive her, she refused me with the utmost roughness, rage, and almost reviling.
Mr. Tacknet, whom I talked with next, made me full amends. He was in an excellent temper; resolved to strive, not with his wife, but himself, in putting off the old man, and putting on the new.
In the evening I heard the first harsh word from Mr. Oglethorpe, when I asked for something for a poor woman. The next day I was surprised by a rougher answer, in a matter that deserved still greater encouragement. I know not how to account for his increasing coldness.
My encouragement was the same in speaking with M.W., whom I found all storm and tempest. The meek, the teachable M.W. (that was in the ship) was now so wilful, so untractable, so fierce, that I could not bear to stay near her. I did not mend myself by stumbling again upon Mr. Oglethorpe, who was with the men under arms, in expectation of an enemy. I stayed as long as I could, however, "Unsafe within the wind Of such commotion:" but at last the hurricane of his passion drove me away.
Sun., March 14th. We had prayers under a great tree. In the Epistle I was plainly shown what I ought to be, and what to expect. "Giving no offence in anything, that the ministry be not blamed: but in all things approving ourselves as the Ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, in strives, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; by purity by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfailing, by the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, by honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." (2 Cor. 6:8-10.)
I preached with boldness, on singleness of intention, to about twenty people, among whom was Mr. Oglethorpe. Soon after, as he was in M.H.'s hut, a bullet (through the carelessness of one of the people, who were exercising today) flew through the wall, close by him. M.
Germain now retracted her consent for having her child baptized: however, M. Colwell's I did baptize by true immersion, before a numerous congregation.
At night I found myself exceedingly faint, but had no better bed to go to than the ground; on which I slept very comfortably, before a great fire, and woke up the next morning perfectly well.
Tues., March 16th. I was wholly spent in writing letters for Mr.
Oglethorpe. I would not spend six days more in the same manner for all Georgia.
Wed., March 17th. I found an opportunity to tell M.W. the reason why I had not talked to her lately which was, my despair of doing her any good. She acknowledged herself entirely changed, but could never tell me the cause. I immediately guessed it, and mentioned my conjecture.
She confessed the truth of it. My soul was filled with pity; and I prayed
God the sin of others might not ruin her.
Thur., March 18th. Today Mr. Oglethorpe set out with the Indians, to hunt the buffalo upon the main, and to see the utmost limits of what they claimed. In the afternoon M.W. discovered to me the whole mystery of iniquity.
I went to my myrtle-walk, where, as I was repeating, "I will thank thee, for thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation," a gun was fired from the other side of the hushes. Providence had that moment turned me from that end of the walk, which the shot flew through; but I heard them pass close by me.
Sun., March 21st. Mr. Oglethorpe had ordered, more often than once, that no man should shoot on a Sunday. Germain had been committed to the guard-room for it in the morning, but was, upon his submission, released. In the midst of the sermon a gun was fired. Davison, the constable, ran out, and found it was the Doctor; told him it was contrary to orders, and he was obliged to desire him to come to the officer. Upon this the Doctor flew into a great passion, and said, "What, do you not know that I am not to be looked upon as a common fellow?" Not knowing what to do, the constable went, and returned, after consulting with Hermsdorf, with two sentinels, and brought him to the guard-room. Hereupon M.H. charged and fired a gun; and then ran thither, like a mad woman, crying she had shot, and would be confined too. The constable and Hermsdorf persuaded her to go away.
She cursed and swore in the utmost transport of passion, threatening to kill the first man that should come near her. Alas, my brother! what has become of thy hopeful convert
In the afternoon, while I was talking in the street with poor Catherine, her mistress came up to us, and fell upon me with the utmost bitterness and scurrility; saying she would blow me up, and my brother, whom she once thought honest, but was now undeceived: that I was the cause of her husband's confinement; but she would be revenged, and expose my hypocrisy, my prayers four times a day, by beat of drum, and abundance more, which I cannot write, and thought no woman, though taken from Drurylane, could have spoken. I only said, I pitied her, but defied all she or the devil could do; for she could not hurt me. I was strangely preserved from passion, and at parting told her that, I hoped she would soon come to a better mind.
In the evening hour of retirement I resigned myself to God, in my brother's prayer for conformity to a suffering Saviour.
Faint and weary with the day's fatigue, I found my want of true holiness, and begged God to give me comfort from his word. I then read, in the evening lesson, "But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses." (1 Tim. 6:11, 12.) Before prayers I took a walk with Mr. Ingham, who was surprised I should not think innocence a sufficient protection. I had not indeed acquainted him with what M.W. had told me. At night I was forced to exchange my usual bed, the ground, for a chest, being almost speechless through a violent cold.
Tues., March 23rd. In reading Hebrews 11, I felt my faith revive; and I was confident God would either turn aside the trial, or strengthen me to bear it. In the afternoon Mr. Davison informed me that, the Doctor had sent his wife a word to arm herself from the case of instruments, and forcibly make her escape; to speak to Mr. Oglethorpe first, and even to stab any that should oppose her. M. Perkins told me, she had heard M.H. say," Mr. Oglethorpe dares not punish me." I was encouraged by the lesson: "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the Gospel according to the power of God." "Whereunto I am an appointed Preacher. For which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." (2 Tim. 1:7, 8, 11, 12.)
Wed., March 24th. I was enabled to pray earnestly for my enemies, particularly Mr. Oglethorpe, whom I now looked upon as the chief of them. Then I gave myself up entirely to God's disposal, desiring I might not now want power to pray, when I most of all needed it. Mr.
Ingham then came, and read the thirty-seventh psalm: a glorious exhortation to patience, and confidence in God, from the different estate of the good and wicked. After breakfast I again betook myself to intercession, particularly for M.W., that Satan, in the shape of that other bad woman, might not stand at her right hand. Doubting whether I should not interpose for the prisoners, I consulted the oracle, and met Jer. 44:16, 17: "As for the word which thou hast spoken to us in the name of the Lord, we will not hearken unto it: but we will certainly do whatsoever thing goeth forth out of our own mouth." This determined me not to meddle with them at all.
At eleven, I met M. Perkins, who told me of the infamy M.H. had brought on Mr. Oglethorpe, and the utter discouragement it would be to the people, if she was supported. Farther she informed me that M.W. had began to repent of having engaged so far with her, confessing she had done it through cowardice, as thinking Mr.
Oglethorpe would bear her out against all the world.
Soon after I talked with M.W., and with the last degree of astonishment heard her accuse herself. Horror of horrors! Never did I feel such excess of pity. I gave myself up to prayer for her. Mr. Ingham soon joined me. All the prayers expressed a full confidence in God: when notice was given to us of Mr. Oglethorpe's landing. M.H., Mr.
Ingham, and myself were sent for. We found him in his tent, with the people round it; Mr. and M.H. within. After a short hearing, the officers were reprimanded, and the prisoners dismissed. At going out
M.H. modestly told me, she had something more to say against me, but would take another time. I only answered," You know, Madam, it is impossible for me to fear you." When they were gone, Mr. Oglethorpe said he was convinced, and glad I had had no hand in all this. I told him I had something to impart, of the last importance, when he was at leisure. He took no notice, but read his letters; and I walked away with Mr. Ingham, who was utterly astonished. The issue is just what I expected.
I was struck with those words in the evening lesson: "Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." "Endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." "Remember that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead according to my Gospel: wherein I suffer trouble, as an evil-doer, even unto bonds; but the word of God is not bound. Therefore I endure all things for the elect's sakes, that they may also obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. It is a faithful saying: For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him: if we suffer, we shall also reign with him." (2 Tim. 2:1, 3, 812.) After reading I could not forbear adding, "I need say nothing.
God will shortly apply this."
Glory be to God for my confidence hitherto! O what am I if left to myself? but I can do and suffer all things through Christ strengthening me.
Thur., March 25th. At five I heard the second drum beat for prayer, which I had desired Mr. Ingham to read, being much weakened by my fever. But considering I ought to appear at this time especially, I rose and heard those animating words: "If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour. Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came
I unto this hour. Father, glorify thy name." (John 12:26-28.)
At half-hour past seven Mr. Oglethorpe called me out of my hut. I looked up to God, and went. He charged me with mutiny and sedition; with stirring up the people to desert the colony. Accordingly he said they had had a meeting last night, and sent a message to him this morning, desiring leave to go; that their speaker had informed against them, and me the spring of all; that men constantly came to prayers, therefore I must have instigated them; that he should not scruple shooting half-a-dozen of them at once; but that he had, out of kindness, first spoken to me. My answer was, "I desire, Sir, you would have no regard to my brothers, my friends, or the love you had for me, if anything of this is made out against me. I know nothing of their meeting or designs. Of those you have mentioned, not one comes constantly to prayers, or sacrament. I never incited any one to leave the colony. I desire to answer my accuser face to face." He told me, my accuser was Mr. Lawley, whom he would bring, if I would wait here. I added," Mr. Lawley is a man who has declared he knows no reason for keeping fair with any man, but a design to get all he can by him: but there was nothing to be got by the poor Persons." I asked whether he himself was not assured that there were enough men in Frederica, to say or swear anything against any man that should be in disgrace: whether; if he himself was removed, or succeeded ill, the whole stream of the people would not be turned against him; and even this Lawley, who was of all others the most violent in condemning the prisoners, and justifying the officers. I observed, this was the old cry, "Away with the Christians to the lions;" mentioned H. and his wife's scandalizing my brother and me, and vowing revenge against us both, threatening me yesterday even in his presence. I asked what redress or satisfaction was due to my character; what good I could do in my present parish, if cut off by their calumnies from ever seeing one half of it. I ended with assuring him, I had and should still make it my business to promote peace among all. I felt no disturbance while speaking, but lifted up my heart to God, and found him present with me. While Mr. Oglethorpe was fetching Lawley, I thought of our Lord's words, "Ye shall be brought before Governors and Kings for my sake.
But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak;" (Matt. 10:18, 19;) and applied to Him for help, and words to make my defence. Before Mr. Oglethorpe returned I called in upon Mr. Ingham, and desired him to pray for me: then walked, and, musing on the event, opened the book on Acts 15:31-83: "Which when they had read, they rejoiced for the consolation; and exhorted the brethren with many words, and confirmed them. And after they had tarried there a space, they were let go in peace." Mr. Ingham coming, I related all that had passed. On sight of Mr. Oglethorpe and Lawley, he retired.
Mr. Oglethorpe observed, the place was too public. I offered to carry him to my usual walk in the woods. On our way God put it into my heart to say, "Show only the least disinclination to find me guilty, and you shall see what a turn it will give to the accusation." He took the hint, and instead of calling upon Lawley to make good his charge, began with the quarrel in general; but did not show himself angry with me, or desirous to find me to blame. Lawley, who appeared full of guilt and fear, upon this dropped his accusation, or shrunk it into my "forcing the people to prayers." I replied, that the people themselves 50 would acquit me of that; and as to the officers' quarrel, I appealed to the officers for the truth of my assertion, that I had had no hand at all in it; professed my desire and resolution of promoting peace and obedience: and as to the people, I was persuaded their desire of leaving the colony arose from mistake, not malice. Here Mr.
Oglethorpe spoke of reconciling matters; bade Lawley told the petitioners, he would not so much ask who they were, if they were but quiet for the future. " I hope," added he, "they will be so; and Mr.
Wesley here hopes so too." "Yes, Sir," says Lawley, "I really believe it of Mr. Wesley, and had always a very great respect for him." I turned, and said to Mr. Oglethorpe, "Did not I tell you it would be so?" He replied to Lawley, "Yes; you had always a very great respect for Mr. Wesley.
You told me he was a stirrer up of sedition, and at the bottom of all this disturbance." With this gentle reproof he dismissed him; and I thanked him for having first spoken to me of what I was accused of, begging he would always do so. This he promised, and then I walked with him to M.H.'s door. She came out again to see me with him. He then left me, "and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion."
I went to my hut, where I found Mr. Ingham. He told me this was but the beginning of sorrows. "Not as I will, but as Thou wilt." About noon, in the midst of a violent storm of thunder and lightning, I read the eighteenth Psalm, and found it gloriously suited to my circumstances.
I never felt the Scriptures as now. Now I need them, I find them all written for my instruction and comfort. At the same time I feel great joy in the expectation of our Saviour thus coming to judgment, when the secrets of all hearts shall be revealed, and God shall make my innocency as clear as the light, and my just dealing as the noon-day.
At three I walked with Mr. Ingham, and read him the history of this amazing day. We rejoiced together in the protection of God, and through comfort of the Scriptures.
The evening lesson was full of encouragement. "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded, but they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be made manifest unto all men. But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, what persecutions I endured; but out of them all the Lord delivered me. Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived. All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." (2 Tim. 3:1-4, 9-13, 16.) Blessed be God, I begin to find it so!
Meeting with Mr. Hird, I persuaded him to use all his interest with the people, to lay aside all thoughts of leaving the colony. He told me he had assured Mr. Oglethorpe that this was always my language toward him and the rest; but was answered short, with, "You must not tell me that; I know better."
After spending an hour at the camp, in singing such Psalms as suited the occasion, I went to bed in the hut, which was thoroughly wet with the day's rain.
Fri., March 26th. "My soul is always in my hand; therefore will I not forget thy law." This morning, early, Mr. Oglethorpe called me out to tell me of Mrs. Lawley's miscarriage, by being denied access to the Doctor for bleeding. He seemed very angry, and to charge me with it; saying he should be the tyrant if he passed by such intolerable injuries. I answered, I knew nothing of the matter, and it was hard it should be imputed to me; that from the first Hermsdorf told the Doctor he might visit whom of his patients he pleased; but the Doctor would not. I denied my having the least hand in the whole business as Hermsdorf himself had declared. He said, "Hermsdorf himself assured me, what he did, he did by your advice." I answered, "You must mistake his imperfect English; for many have heard him say the contradictory of this. Yet I must be charged with all the mischief."
"How else can it be," said he, "that there should be no love, no meekness, no true religion among the people, but instead of that, mere formal prayers?" "As to that, I can answer for them, that they have no more of the form of godliness than the power. I have seldom above six at the public service." "But what would an unbeliever say to your raising these disorders?" "Why, if I had raised them, he might say there was nothing in religion; but what would that signify to those who had experienced it? They would not say so." He told me the people were full of dread and confusion; that it was much easier to govern a thousand than sixty men; for in so small a number, every one's passion was considerable; that he does not leave them before they were settled, & I asked him, "Would you have me forbear conferring at all with my parishioners?" To this I could get no answer, and went on: "The reason why I did not interpose for or against the Doctor was his having, at the beginning, charged me with his confinement. I talked less with my parishioners these five days past, than I had done in any one afternoon before. I shunned appearing in public, lest my advice should be asked, or lest, if I heard others talking, my very silence should be deciphered into advice. But one argument of my innocence I can give, which will even convince you of it. I know my life is in your hands: and you know, that was you to frown upon me, and give the least intimation that it would be agreeable to you, the generality of these wretched people would say or swear anything." To this he agreed, and owned the case was so with them all. "You see that my safety depends on your single opinion of me. Must I not therefore be mad, if I would in such a situation provoke you by disturbing the public peace? Innocence, I know, is not the least protection; but my sure trust is in God." His company interrupted us, and I left him.
I was no longer careful of the event, after reading those words in the morning lesson: "Thou cannot follow me now; but thou shalt follow me afterwards." (John 13:36.) Amen. When Thou pleasest. Thy time is the best.
Mr. Oglethorpe, meeting me in the evening, asked when I had prayers.
I said, I waited his pleasure. While the people came slowly, "You see, Sir," said I, "they do not lay too great a stress on forms." "The reason of that is, because others idolize them." "I believe few stay away for that reason." "I don't know that." Mr. Oglethorpe stood over against me, and joined audibly in the prayers. The chapter was designed for me, and I read it with great boldness, as follows: "I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long-suffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine." "But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an Evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry." "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me." "Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me ...... that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (2 Tim. 4:1-3, 5, 16-18.)
Sat., March 27th. This morning we began our Lord's last discourses to his disciples: every word was providentially directed to my comfort, but particularly those: -"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:1, 18, 27.)
I was sensibly concerned this afternoon at hearing that M.W. is growing more and more like M.H., declares she will be no longer priest-ridden, jests upon prayers, and talks in the loose, scandalous dialect of her friend. In the evening a thought came into my mind of sending Mr. Ingham for my brother. He was much averse to leaving me in my trials, but was at last persuaded to go.
Sun., March 28th. I went to the storehouse (our tabernacle at present) to hearken what the Lord God would say concerning me. Both myself and the congregation were struck with the first lesson: Joseph and Potiphar's wife. The second was still more animating: "If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own." (John 15:18, 19.) After the prayers poor Mr. Davison stayed behind, to take his leave of Mr.
Ingham. He burst into tears, and said, "One good man is leaving us already. I foresee nothing but desolation. Must my poor children be brought up like these savages" We endeavoured to comfort him by showing him his calling. At ten Mr. Ingham preached an alarming sermon on the day of judgment, and joined with me in offering up the Christian sacrifice.
In my walk at noon I was full of heaviness; complained to God that I had no friend but Him; and even in Him could now find no comfort.
Immediately I received power to pray; then, opening my Bible, read as follows: - "Hearken unto me, ye that seek the Lord: look unto the rock whence ye are hewn." "Fear not the reproach of men, neither be afraid of their revilings." "Who art thou, that thou shouldest be afraid of a man that shall die; ...... and hast feared continually every day because of the fury of the oppressor - and where is the fury of the oppressor" (Isai. 51:1, 2, 12, 13.) After reading this, no wonder that I found myself renewed in confidence.
While Mr. Ingham waited for the boat, I took a turn with Mr. Horton.
He fully convinced me of M.H.'s true character; ungrateful in the highest degree, a common prostitute, a complete hypocrite. She told me, her and her husband had begged him upon their knees to intercede with Mr. Oglethorpe, not to turn them out of the ship, which would be their utter ruin. This he accordingly did; though Mr.
Oglethorpe at first assured him he had rather give one hundred pounds than take them. The first person she fell upon, after this, was Mr. Horton himself, whom she abused, as she has since done to me.
From him I hastened to the water-side, where I found Mr. Ingham just put off. O happy, happy friend! Abiit, erupit, evasit! But woe is me, that I am still constrained to dwell with Meshech! I languished to hear him company, followed him with my eyes till out of sight and then sunk into deeper dejection than I had known before.
Mon., March 29th. I was revived by those words of our Lord: "These things have I spoken unto you, that you should not be offended. They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me." "In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:1-3, 33.)
Knowing I was to live with Mr. Oglethorpe, I had brought nothing with me from England, except my clothes and books; but this morning, asking a servant for something I wanted, (I think a tea-kettle,) I was told Mr. Oglethorpe had given orders that no one should use any of his things. I answered, that order, I supposed, did not extend to me. "Yes, Sir," says she, "you were excepted by name." Thanks be to God, that it is not yet made capital to give me a morsel of bread.
Tues., March 30th. Having laid hitherto on the ground, in a corner of Mr. Reed's hut, and hearing some boards were to be disposed of, I attempted in vain to get some of them to lie upon. They were given to all besides. The Minister only of Frederica must be shipwrecked. Yet are we not hereunto called homeless, badly spoken of? Even the Son of man had not where to lay his head!
I find the Scripture an inexhaustible fund of comfort. "Is my hand shortened at all, that it cannot save or have I no power to deliver I gave my back to the stutters, and my cheeks to them that plucked off the hair. I hid not my face from shame and spitting. For the Lord God will help me, therefore shall I not be confounded. Therefore have I set my face like a flint; and I know that I shall not be ashamed. He is near that justifieth me; who will contend with me Let us stand together.
Who is mine adversary let him come near to me. Behold, the Lord God will help me: who is he that shall condemn me"
Wed., March 31st. I begin now to be abused and slighted into an opinion of my own considerableness. I could not be more trampled upon, was I a fallen Minister of state. The people have found out that I am in disgrace, and all the cry is, Curramus praecipites, et Dum jacet in ripa calcemus caesaris hostem.
My few well-wishers are afraid to speak to me. Some have turned out of the way to avoid me. Others desired I would not take it ill, if they seemed not to know me when we should meet. The servant that used to wash my linen sent it back unwashed. It was great cause of triumph my being forbidden the use of Mr. Oglethorpe's things, and in effect debarred of most of the conveniences, if not necessaries, of life. I sometimes pitied, and sometimes diverted myself with, the odd expressions of their contempt; but found the benefit of having undergone a much lower degree of obloquy at Oxford.
Thur., April 1st. In the midst of morning service a poor scoutboat-man was brought in, who was almost killed by the burst of a cannon. I found him senseless and dying. All I could do was to pray for him, and try by his example to wake his two companions. He languished till the next day, and died.
Hitherto I have been borne up by a spirit not my own; but exhausted nature at last prevails. It is amazing she held out so long. My outward hardships and inward conflicts, the bitterness of reproach from the only man I wished to please, "At last have borne my boasted courage down."
Accordingly, this afternoon, I was forced by a friendly fever to take my bed. My sickness, I knew, could not be of long continuance; but, as I was in want of every help and convenience, must either shortly leave me, or release me from farther suffering.
In the evening Mrs. Hird and Mrs. Robinson called to see me, and offered me all the assistance in their power. I thanked them, but desired they would not prejudice themselves by taking this notice of me. At that instant we were alarmed with a cry of the Spaniards being come; heard many guns fired, and saw the people fly in great consternation to the Fort. I felt not the least disturbance or surprise; bade the women no to fear, for God was with us. Within a few minutes news was brought us that the alarm was only a contrivance of Mr.
Oglethorpe, to try the people. My charitable visitants then left me, and soon returned with some gruel, which threw me into a sweat. The next morning, April 2nd, they ventured to call again. At night, when my fever was somewhat abated, I was led out to bury the scoutboatman, and envied his quiet grave.
Sat., April 3rd. Nature I found endeavoured to throw off the disease by excessive sweats: I therefore drank whatever my women brought me.
Sun., April 4th. Many of the people had been ill of the bloody flux. I escaped hitherto by my vegetable diet; but now my fever brought it.
Notwithstanding this, I was obliged to go abroad, and preach, and administer the sacrament. My sermon on, "Keep innocency, and take heed to the thing that is right, for this shall bring a man peace at the last," was deciphered into a satire against M.H. At night I got an old bedstead to lie on, being that on which the scoutboat-man had died.
Mon., April 5th. At one this morning the sand flies forced me to rise, and smoke them out of the hut. The whole town was employed in the same manner. My congregation in the evening consisted of two
Presbyterians and a Papist. I went home in great pain, my distemper being much increased with the little duty I could discharge.
Tues., April 6th. I found myself so faint and weak, that it was with the utmost difficulty I got through the prayers. Mr. Davison, my good
Samaritan, would often call, or send his wife to tend me: and to their care, under God, I owe my life.
Today Mr. Oglethorpe gave away my bedstead from under me, and refused to spar one of the carpenters to mend me up another.
Fri., April 9th. While talking to Mrs. Hird, I turned my eyes towards the huts, and saw Mr. Lassel's all in a blaze. I walked towards the fires, which, before I could come up to it, had consumed the hut, and everything in it. It was a corner-hut, and the wind providentially blew from the others, or they would have been all destroyed.
Sat., April 10th. Mr. Reed waked me with news of Mr. Delamotte and my brother being on their way to Frederica. I found the encouragement I sought in the Scriptures for the day, Psalm 53: "Why boastest thou thyself in mischief, O mighty man the goodness of God endureth continually. Thy tongue deviseth mischiefs; like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. Thou lovest evil more than good; and lying than to speak righteousness."
At six Mr. Delamotte and my brother landed, when my strength was so exhausted I could not have read prayers once more. He helped me into the woods; for there was no talking among a people of spies and ruffians; nor even in the woods, unless in an unknown tongue. He told me the scripture he met with at landing was, "If God be for us, who can be against us" and that Mr. Oglethorpe received him with abundant kindness. I began my account of all that has passed, and continued it till prayers. It were endless to mention all the scriptures which have been for so many days adapted to my circumstances; but I cannot pass by the evening lesson, Heb. 11. I was ashamed of having well-nigh sunk under mine, when I beheld the conflicts of those triumphant sufferers, of whom the world was not worthy.
Sun., April 11th. What words could more support our confidence, than the following, out of the Psalms for the day - "Be merciful unto me, O
God, for man goeth about to devour me. He is daily fighting, and troubling me. Mine enemies are daily in hand to swallow me up; for they be many that fight against me, O thou Most Highest. Nevertheless, though I am sometimes afraid, yet put I my trust in thee. I will put my trust in God, and will not fear what man can do unto me. They daily mistake my words: all that they imagine is to do me evil." (Psalm
56:1.) The next Psalm was equally animating:- "Be merciful unto me, O
God; for my soul trusteth in thee: and under the shadow of thy wings shall be my refuge, until this tyranny be overpast. I will call upon the most high God; even unto the God that shall perform the cause which I have in hand. He shall send down from heaven, and save me from the reproof of him that would eat me up. God shall send forth his mercy and truth; my soul is among lions. And I lie even among the children of men, that are set on fire: whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword. Set up thyself, O God, above the heavens; and thy glory above all the earth." (Psalm 57:1-6.)
I had just recovered strength enough to consecrate at the sacrament: the rest my brother discharged. We then got out of the reach of informers, and proceeded in my account; being fully persuaded of the truth of M.W.'s information against Mr. Oglethorpe, M.H., and herself.
Next morning Mr. Oglethorpe met and carried us to breakfast at the modest M.H.,s. At noon my brother repeated to me his last conference with M.W., in confirmation of all she had ever told me.
At night I took leave of Mr. Horton, Mr. Hermsdorf, and Major
Richards, who were going, with thirty men, to build a fort over against the Spanish look-out, twelve leagues from Augustine.
Wed., April 14th. By a relation which my brother gave me of a late conference he had with her, I was, in spite of all I had seen and heard, half persuaded into a good opinion of M.H. For the lasting honour of our sagacity be it written!
Fri., April 16th. My brother brought me of a resolution which honour and indignation had formed, of starving rather than asking for necessaries. Accordingly I went to Mr. Oglethorpe, in his tent, to ask for some little things I wanted. He sent for me back again, and mid, "Pray, Sir, sit down. I have something to say to you. I hear you have spread several reports about."
The next day my brother and Mr. Delamotte set out in an open boat for Savannah. I preached in the afternoon on, "He that now goeth on his way weeping, and beareth forth good seed, shall doubtless come again with joy, and bring his sheaves with him."
Easter-eve, April 24th. At ten I was sent for by Mr. Oglethorpe. He began, "Mr. Wesley, you know what has passed between us. I took some pains to satisfy your brother about the reports concerning me, but in vain. He hereby renews his suspicions in writing. I did desire to convince him, because I had an esteem for him; and he is just so considerable to me as my esteem makes him. I could clear up all, but it matters not. You will soon see the reason of my actions.
"I am now going to death. You will see me no more. Take this ring, and carry it from me to Mr. V. If there is a friend to be depended upon, he is one. His interest is next to Sir Robert's. Whatever you ask, within his power, he will do for you, your brother, and your family. I have expected death for some days. These letters show that the Spaniards have long been seducing our allies, and intend to cut us off at a blow. I fall by my friends, Gascoin, whom I have made; the Carolina people, whom I depended upon to send their promised succours. But death is to me nothing. T. will pursue all my designs; and to him I recommend them and you."
He then gave me a diamond ring: I took it, and said, "If, as I believe, Postremum fato, quod te alloquor, hoc est, hear what you will quickly know to be true, as soon as you enter upon the separate state. This ring I shall never make any use of for myself. I have no worldly hopes.
I have renounced the world. Life is bitterness to me. I came hither to lay it down.
"You have been deceived, as well as I. I protest my innocence of the crimes I am charged with; and take myself to be now at liberty to tell you what I thought never to have uttered."
When I had finished this relation he seemed entirely changed, full of his old love and confidence in me. After some expressions of kindness, I asked him, "Are you satisfied" He replied, "Yes, entirely." "Why then; Sir, I desire nothing more upon earth; and care not how soon I follow you." He added, he much desired the conversion of the Heathen, and believed my brother intended for it. "But I believe," said I, "it will 60 never be under your patronage; for then men would account for it without taking in God." He replied, "I believe so too:" then embraced and kissed me with the most cordial affection. I attended him to the scout-boat, where he waited some minutes for his sword. They brought him first, and a second time, a mourning sword. At last they gave him his own, which had been his father's. "With this sword," says he, "I was never yet unsuccessful." "I hope, Sir," said I, "you carry with you a better, even the sword of the Lord, and of Gideon." "I hope so too," he added.
When the boat put off; I ran before into the woods, to see my last of him. Seeing me and two others running after him, he stopped the boat, and asked whether we wanted anything. Captain Mackintosh, left
Commander, desired his last orders. I then said," God be with you. Go forth, Christo duce, et auspice Christo!" "You have," says he, "I think, some verses of mine. You therefore see my thoughts of success." His last word to the people was, "God bless you all!" The boat then carried him out of sight. I interceded for him, that God would save him from death, would wash out all his sins, and prepare, before he took, the sacrifice to himself.
Easter-day, April 25th. The people were alarmed at night, by the sight of two great fires, on either side of the town, not knowing if they were made by friends or enemies. Next morning news was brought of a boat coming up. Every one seemed under a consternation, though no one but myself was fully apprized of our dangers. At night the watch was doubled by Captain Mackintosh. The people being unwilling to comply with his orders, I was forced to tell Mr. Hird, the constable, that there might be danger which Mackintosh alone knew of, and therefore they ought to obey. He promised it for himself and the rest.
Though I expected every hour that the Spaniards would bring us the news of Mr. Oglethorpe's death, yet I was insensible of fear, and careless of the consequence.
But my indifference arose from stupidity rather than faith. There was nothing I cared for in life, and therefore the loss of it appeared a trifle.
Thur., April 29th. About half-hour past eight I went down to the bluff, to see a boat coming up. At nine it arrived with Mr. Oglethorpe. I blessed God for still holding his soul in life. In the evening we took a walk together, and he informed me more particularly of our past danger. Three great ships, and four smaller, had been seen for three weeks together at the mouth of the river; but the wind continuing full against them, [they] were kept from making a descent, till they could stay no longer. I gave him back his ring, and said, "I need not, Sir, and indeed I cannot, tell you how joyfully and thankfully I return this."
"When I gave it you," said he," I never expected to receive it again, but thought it would be of service to your brother and you. I had many omens of my death, particularly their bringing me my mourning sword; but God has been pleased to preserve a life which was never valuable to me; and yet, in the continuance of it, I thank God, I can rejoice." "I am now glad of all that has happened here, since without it I could never have had such a proof of your affection as that you gave me, when you looked upon me as the most ungrateful of villains."
While I was speaking this, he appeared full of tenderness; and passed on to observe the strangeness of his deliverance, when betrayed on all sides, without human support, and utterly defenceless. He condemned himself for his anger, (God forgive those who made me the object of it!) which he imputed to his want of time for consideration. "I longed, Sir, to see you once more, that I might tell you some things before we finally parted: but then I considered that if you died, you would know them all in a moment." "I know not whether separate spirits regard our little concerns. If they do, it is as men regard the follies of their childhood, or as my late passionateness."
Fri., April 30th. I had some farther talk with him in bed. He ordered me whatever he could think I wanted; promised to have me an house built immediately; and was just the same he had formerly been to me.
Sun., May 2nd. I went to him to ask if there was any truth in the report, that Major Richards and Mr. Horton were detained at Augustine, and the men at St. George's run away. He told me, he hoped that the gentlemen were well received; but the people had been frightened away by two soldiers bringing a civil proffer of refreshment; that thereupon the men mutinied, and obliged Captain Hermsdorf to quit the advanced post, and turn homeward, which he had done pursuant to Ferguson's advice; that he intended immediately to go in quest of them. In an hour's time he set out accordingly.
In the evening I endeavoured to convince Mr. Moore (as I had done some few besides) of Mr. Oglethorpe's innocency. He then read me a list of the officers that were to be: and who should be appointed headbailiff, but my dear friend the Doctor
Mon., May 3rd. The people had observed that I was taken into favour again, which I found by their provoking civilities.
Wed., May 5th. At night news was brought of a boat being seen off the point, which would not come to, though the soldiers had fired at her several times. The people were greatly alarmed, being in no preparation for an enemy. I went to bed, but was soon awakened by the firing of a gun; and, rising, found all the town flocking towards the fort, in the utmost consternation. I walked leisurely after them, without fear, yet without faith; found the uproar was occasioned by a friendly Indian; and walked back again.
Sat., May 8th. I had some affecting talk with a poor man, belonging to the scout-boat, who had broke his arm. He owned himself greatly moved by the Christian Monitor I had given him; convinced thereby of the truth of religion; unable to read for tears; and fully resolved to obey the motions of the Holy Spirit, by leading a new life.
Between ten and eleven I was woken up again by an alarm. I rose, as did all the women, and found a signal had been made from the manof-war. I sent away the women, and, being myself of equal service, soon followed their example, and went to sleep again.
Sun., May 9th. Notice was given to me that Mr. D., Chaplain to the Independent Company, had landed, and walking toward me. His moral character did not recommend him. I had just time to run away into the woods, and so escaped his visit. The next morning Mr. Oglethorpe returned, from whom I had the following account of his expedition.
On Saturday, May 1st, late at night, arrived the "Caroline" scout-boat, with Captain Ferguson, bringing advice that Major Richards and Mr.
Horton (who had carried answers to the Spanish Governor's letters) had landed at their look-out, and he believed were made prisoners by the Spaniards; for they had heard no more of them, except by a blind letter, written with a pencil; that the boats, in which were the men under Captain Hermsdorf, had come about thirty miles on this side of St. George's Point, and there waited for orders; that the men were mutinous, and Hermsdorf believed he should be forced to retire to Fort St. Andrews; that he was apprehensive they would either murder their officers, and turn pirates, or be cut off by the Spaniards. Mr.
Oglethorpe, on Sunday, went on board the man-of-war, and proceeded from thence with the man-of-war's boat, commanded by the Lieutenant, and the Georgia scout-boat. They arrived that night at Fort
St. Andrews. On Monday they came up with the south point of Cumberland, where we met with the boats under the command of Captain Hermsdorf. Mr. Oglethorpe immediately took them out to sea with him, round Amelia Island. He found, upon examination, that the men did not intend to mutiny; but that the suspicion was occasioned by the lies of one man, who was hereupon sentenced by Mr.
Oglethorpe to run the gauntlet.
He went to Point St. George, within sight of the Spanish look-out, and re-settled them on the same place where Mr. Hermsdorf had before taken up his quarters. It had been agreed that the Spaniards should make a signal; and from thence he would repair with his boats, to fetch Major Richards back, who was gone to Augustine, at the request of the Governor, who promised to send horses to conduct him, but did not. It likewise was agreed that the boats should patrol up and down the rivers, to prevent the Indians, our allies, passing over to molest the Spaniards; as they should prevent their Indians passing over to molest us.
Mr. Oglethorpe went that afternoon to the Spanish lookout, with a flag of truce; but not being able to perceive any one, leaving the boat at her grappling, he leaped ashore himself, to see if he could discover anybody there; and going along the beach, at distance from the Sandy hillocks, to prevent surprise, he surrounded the hillocks, where he found two horses hobbled. He went forward to a palmetto hut; but could find no man. After this he sent the flag of truce into a great savannah, to see if that would draw down any people to a conference.
Upon this W. Frazer, a Scotch lad, going into the neighbouring woods, and finding a Spaniard, brought him to Mr. Oglethorpe, to whom he delivered two letters; one from Major Richards, the other from Mr.
Horton, directed to Mr. Hermsdorf, acquainting him that he should be back with him in two days' time. Mr. Oglethorpe gave the man a bottle of wine, victuals, and tobacco, and a moidore for his trouble in bringing the letters; and inquired where Major Richards and Mr.
Horton were. The man said he knew nothing concerning them; that he was a horseman, and sent by the Colonel of the cavalry from the headquarters, which were about twelve leagues off, with these letters, to wait there till he should see an English boat appear, and deliver it to them; that he had lain four days on the beach, and had not discovered a boat in that time. Mr. Oglethorpe delivered to him letters for the Governor of Augustine; and between ten and eleven on Thursday morning set out with the man-of-war's boat, and Georgia scout-boat, to meet the man again, according to appointment.
He discovered a guard-coast full of men, that lay behind the sandbank, beyond the breakers, on the English side of the water; and soon after he discovered several men hid in the woods, next to some sandhills. Two horsemen showed themselves, and beckoned to the boats, which had a flag of truce flying, to come down to a point, beyond which the guard-coast lay concealed: on which Mr. Oglethorpe rowed with the two boats toward the guard-coast, that he might not leave her behind to intercept us and our people at St. George's Point.
There seemed to be about seventy men on board her, and there were in our boats twenty-four. She lay still for some time; but when they found plainly that they were discovered, they rowed away with incredible swiftness, directly out to sea, toward Augustine.
Mr. Oglethorpe returned to the horsemen, who seemed very unwilling to approach the boat; but at last agreed to receive a letter, if Mr.
Oglethorpe would send an unarmed man ashore. One of them, seemingly an officer, forbade the boats to land on the King of Spain's ground. Mr. Oglethorpe answered, that as it was the King of Spain's ground, the English would forbear landing on it, since the Spaniards requested it; but that the Spaniards should be very welcome to land on the King of England's ground, which was on the opposite side of the river, and should be welcome to a glass of wine with him there. He asked him for the news of Mr. Horton and Mr. Richards, and whether he could not send anything to them. The man said he knew nothing of them; that he received his orders from the Colonel of horse, who was quartered at twelve leagues' distance; and that he could carry no news but to him. Upon this Mr. Moore, Lieutenant of the "Hawke" man-ofwar, wrote a letter to the Colonel of the horse, acquainting him that he was come thither with boats, to conduct back the gentlemen who were sent by Mr. Oglethorpe to treat with the Governor of Augustine; and that, if at any time he would make three fires on the Spanish main, he would take it as a signal that the gentlemen were come, and would come over with a boat and fetch them. The Spanish officer promised to deliver the letter by night to the Colonel of horse. Mr. Oglethorpe stayed till Saturday night, expecting an answer, and sent over to the Spanish side every day; but could find nobody to have conference with. By the look-out within-land they have a vineyard, flocks of turkeys, cattle, and horses; but great care was taken that none of our people should touch any of them, On Saturday night Mr. Oglethorpe set out, leaving Captain Hermsdorf with an armed periague, the Georgia scout-boat, and another boat.
Tues., May 11th. I had now so far recovered my strength, that I could again expound the lesson. In the lesson next morning was Elisha encompassed with the host at Dothan. It is our privilege, as Christians, to apply those words to ourselves: "There be more than be with us, than those that be against us." God spoke to us yet plainer in the second lesson: "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils; ...... and ye shall be brought before Governors and Kings for my sake." "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another." "The disciple is not above his master." "Fear ye not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed, and hid that shall not be known." (Matt. 11:16-26.) In explaining this, I dwelt on that blessed topic of consolation to the innocent, that however he suffers under a false accusation here, he will shortly be cleared at God's righteous bar, where the accuser and the accused shall meet face to face, and the guilty person acquit him whom he unjustly charged, and take back the wickedness to himself. Poor W., who was just over against me, could not stand it, but first turned her back, and then retired behind the congregation.
While I waited for Mr. Oglethorpe, setting out again for the southward, Mr. Appee accosted me, a young gentleman, lately come from Savannah. He mentioned his desire of being baptized (having only received lay-baptism before). I thought he ought to have a longer trial of his own sincerity. He passed on to his intended marriage with Miss
Bovey, which I dissuaded him from, not thinking either sufficiently prepared for it. He had made little progress in subduing his will, and ought to be more dead to the world before he threw himself into it.
Near midnight I took leave of Mr. Oglethorpe, who set out in the scoutboat, after the other boats, for St. George's. The remainder of the night
I passed upon the ground in the guard-room.
At four the next day I set out for Savannah, whither the Indian traders were coming down to meet me, and take out licences. I was overjoyed at my deliverance out of this furnace, and not a little ashamed of myself for being so.
Sun., May 16th. We landed at Skiddoway, and dined at Mrs. M.'s. I then went round, and asked the few people there were upon the island, to come to prayers: which accordingly I read, and preached to about ten in the guardroom; and promised so to contrive, if possible, that they should be supplied once a month.
At four we returned to our boat, and by six reached Thunderbolt; whence I walked the five remaining miles to Savannah. Mr. Ingham, Mr. Delamotte, and my brother, were surprised at my unexpected visit: but it being late, we each retired to his respective corner of the room, where, without the help of a bed, we slept soundly till morning.
Wed., May 19th. According to our agreement, my brother set forward for Frederica, and I took charge of Savannah in his absence. The hardest duty imposed on me was on expounding the lesson morning and evening to one hundred hearers. I was surprised at my own confidence, and acknowledged it not my own. The day was usually divided between visiting my parishioners, considering the lesson, and conversing with Mr. lngham, Delamotte, and Appee.
Tues., May 25th. I visited a girl of fifteen, who lay dying of an incurable illness. She had been in that condition many months, as her parents, some of the best people of the town, informed me. I started at the sight of a breathing corpse. Never was real corpse half so ghastly.
Her groans and screams alone distinguished her from one. They had no intermission: yet was she perfectly sensible, as appeared by her feebly lifting up her eyes, when I bade her trust in God, and read the prayers for the energumens. We were all in tears. She made signs for me to come again.
Fri., May 28th. Mr. Oglethorpe returned from the frontiers. The following account of his expedition I extracted out of his letter to the
Trustees:-
"After that flagrant breach of the law of nations, putting our messengers, sent with a flag of truce, under arrest, I could expect nothing but farther hostilities, and therefore prepared to repel force by force. We fortified, with the utmost speed that the smallness of our number would allow, St. George's Point, within sight of the Spanish outguards, and were much facilitated by finding the ruins of a fort, built by Sir Francis Drake: so that we had nothing to do but to repair and palisade the breaches made by time, and to clear the ditches, which were originally thirty foot deep. The Independent Company and man-of-war being posted below Frederica, I drew out from thence, and from the Scotch settlements, what men I possibly could, to increase the garrison on St. George's Point. While we were getting down recruits and cannon, the Governor of Augustine, having before put our messengers under arrest, sent out Don Ignatio, Colonel of foot, with thirty of his picked men, some Yamasaw Indians, and a strong boat's crew, about sixty men, in a launch, to reconnoitre our settlements; and, if he had found us so weak as the advices from Carolina said we were, to dislodge us. Don Ignatio came out by sea, and attempted to get undiscovered into Jekyl's Sound; was discovered by Ensign Delegall, who commanded guard upon the sea-point. He hailed them to give an account who they were; which they refusing, he fired some cannon with powder; and about the same time they discovered the man-of-war lying within the sound. They ran out to sea with great precipitation, and strove to get in at another inlet, by the island of Cumberland; where the Scotch from St. Andrews challenged them. They neither answered, nor hung out colours, but rowed away in such haste, that the same night they reached the Spanish outguards, on St. John's river, near sixty miles distant.
"Don Ignatio landed in the night, and had a conference with Don
Pedro de Lamberti, the Commander of the Spanish horse; who had come up by land to the look-out, with one hundred and sixty foot, and fifty horse. They concluded by the two forts they had met with, and the man-of-war's being there, that all our strength lay at Frederica, and that we were weak at Fort St. George; therefore resolved to try to surprise some of our boats, and upon their intelligence leave their horses, carry over their men by water, and attack us the night following. This was on Wednesday. I, having discovered some fires on the Spanish main, concluded troops came down, and therefore, in order to make them delay attacking us till our succours should arrive on Thursday morning, I had two carriage-guns, and two swivel-guns, which we had brought with us, carried into the woods, that the Spaniards might not distinguish where they were fired; and ordered the swivel-guns to be re-charged so often as to make a salute of seven, and with the carriage-guns fired five shot in answer. The swivel-guns, by reason of the smallness of the report, seemed like a ship at a distance saluting, and the carriage-guns like batteries answering from the shore.
"I set out with two boats, and a flag of truce, to meet the Spaniards.
They concluded from the guns, as I have heard since, that there was a new strength arrival; in which they were confirmed by our boats rowing briskly toward them: on which their launch thought proper to make the best of their way toward Augustine. There the soldiers and boatmen, fatigued with over-labour, spread such dismal accounts, magnifying our strength and diligence, in order to save their own reputation, that they created a general uproar among the people.
"That night I had several fires made in the woods, some at two, some at three, miles' distance from Point St. George. On Friday morning the foot and horse, under the command of Don Pedro, finding themselves abandoned by the launch, and therefore in no possibility of passing over into the island against us; and from the many fires in the woods collecting that the Creek Indians were come up; having left a small guard of horse to observe our motions, retired in good order to Augustine. Their arrival doubled the confusion, they apprehending that if the Indians should cut off their communication by land, as the man-of-war might do by sea, they should perish by famine. The Governor was obliged to call a council of war, in which the oldest officers, and indeed almost all, gave their opinion, that the gentlemen sent by me should be immediately released, and sent back in the most honourable manner, with an officer attending them, to treat with me, and desire me to restrain the Indians from invading them: at the same time to ask me why we settled upon lands and territories belonging to the King of Spain.
"Not knowing anything of these proceedings, except that the Spaniards were retired, I lay at Fort St. George from Thursday to Sunday; in which time fresh troops arrived: and falling all of us to work, with the officers and men of the King's troop, who distinguished themselves upon this occasion, we mounted some guns upon the batteries along the river, and got the fortifications in good forwardness; and having left the fort under the command of Captain
Hermsdorf, retired with the utmost diligence to Frederica.
"There I found the King of the Uchees, with thirty men, who offered to assist me with one hundred more against the Spaniards. King Tome
Chachi was also there, with thirty men, and an account that hundreds of the Creeks eagerly desired to fall upon the Spaniards. In three days I set out with a large periagua, and fifty men, cannon and provision for two months, two ten-cared boats, and the Indians in their own boats, to relieve St. George, which I imagined by that time might be besieged.
God was pleased to prosper us; so that about fifteen miles from St.
George's, being fortunately an hour a-head of the rest of the boats, I met a Spanish boat, with a flag of truce flying, and Mr. Dempsey, and the gentlemen sent to Augustine, in her, together with Don Pedro de
Lamberti, Captain of their troop of horse, and Don Manuel, Secretary to the Governor, and Adjutant of the garrison. It was lucky the Indiana were not foremost; for if they had been, they would certainly have engaged the Spanish boat; which, as it was, I could hardly prevent, by sending a ten-cared boat to guard them to Frederica. Then I ordered them to be received on board the man-of-war, where they dined with me. I received them with the greatest form I could, having a guard of the King's troops on the right hand, with their bayonets fixed; and on the left hand the Highlanders, with their targets, and broad-swords drawn.
"After dinner we drank the King of Britain's and the King of Spain's health, under the discharge of cannon from the ship; which was answered with fifteen pieces of cannon from Delegall's fort, at the seapoint. That again was followed by the cannon from the fort of St.
Andrews, and that by those of Frederica and the Darien, as I had before ordered. The Spaniards seemed extremely surprised that there should be so many forts, and all within hearing of one another. Don
Pedro smiled, and said, ' No wonder Don Ignatio made more haste home than out.' After the healths were done, a great number of Indians came on board, naked, painted, and their heads dressed in feathers. They demanded of me justice against the Spaniards, for having killed some of their men in time of full peace. They farther proved, that after the woman was taken, she was abused by numbers of men; and when she had satisfied their lust for two days, they inhumanly burned her alive.
"Don Pedro, having asked several questions, acknowledged himself fully satisfied of the fact; excusing it by saying he was then in Mexico; and that the Governor, being newly come from Spain, and not knowing the customs of the country, had sent out Indians under the command of the Pohoia King of the Floridas, who had exceeded his orders, which were not to make war with the Creeks. But the Indians not being content with that answer, he undertook that, at his return to Augustine, he would have the Pohoia King put to death, if he could be taken; and if he could not, that the Spaniards would supply his people with neither powder, arms, nor anything else, but leave them to the Creeks. The Indians answered that he spake well; and if the Spaniards did what he said, all should be white between them; but if not, they would take revenge; from which, at my desire, they would abstain till a final answer came.
"The Indian matters being thus settled, we had a conference with the Spanish Commissioners. They thanked me for my restraining the Indians who were in my power, and hoped I would extend that care to the upper Indians. They then, after having produced their credentials, presented a paper, the contents whereof were to know by what title I settled upon St. Simon's, being lands belonging to the King of Spain. I took the paper, promising an answer the next day. The substance was, that the lands belonged to the King of England by undoubted right; that I had proceeded with the utmost caution, having taken with me
Indians, the natives, and possessors of those lands; that I had examined every place, to see if there were any Spanish possessions, and went forward till I found an outguard of theirs, over against which I settled the English, without committing any hostilities, or dislodging any. Therefore-I did not extend the King's dominions, but only settled with regular garrisons that part of them which was before a shelter for Indians, Pireks, and such sort of disorderly men.
"The rest of the evening we spent in conversation, which chiefly turned upon the convenience it would be, both to the Spaniards and English, to have regular garrisons in sight of each other. Don Pedro smiled, and said he readily agreed to that; and should like very well to have their Spanish guard upon the south side of the river (which is within five miles of Charlestown, and where the Spaniards had a garrison in King Charles the First's time). I replied, I thought it was better as it was for there were a great many people living between, who could never be persuaded to come into his sentiments. At last
Don Pedro acquainted me, that he thought the Spaniards would refer the settling of the limits to the courts of Europe: for which purpose he would write to their court and in the meantime desired no hostilities might be committed; and that I would send up a Commissary to sign with the Government an agreement to this purpose. I thereupon appointed Mr. Dempsey to be my Commissary, and to return with them.
"Don Pedro is the ruling man in Augustine, and has more interest with the Council of War than the Governor. As he passed by St. George's
Point, he sent a whole ox as a present to their garrison. He gave me some sweetmeats and chocolate. I gave him a gold watch, a gun, and fresh provisions. To Don Manuel I gave a silver watch, and sent back a boat to escort them. If the Spaniards had committed any hostilities, I could, by the help of the Indians, have destroyed Augustine with great facility. But, God be praised, by His blessing, the diligence of Dempsey, and the prudence of Don Pedro, all bloodshed was avoided."
Sat., May 29th. At ten this evening I first met my traders, at Mr.
Causton's, the head bailiff: as I did some or other of them every day for some weeks.
Mon., May 31st. About noon Mr. Oglethorpe sent us word that he was going to court. We went, and heard his speech to the people, in the close of which he said, "If any one here has been abused or oppressed by any man, in or out of employment, he has free and full liberty of complaining. Let him deliver in his complaints in writing, at my house.
I will read all over by myself, and do every particular man justice."
At eight in the evening I waited upon him, and found the three
Magistrates, who seemed much alarmed by his speech, and hoped he would not discourage government. He dismissed them, and told me, he feared his following my brother's advice, in hearing all complaints, would ruin the people; and he should never have any to serve him. I replied, I thought the contrary; and that such liberty was the happiest thing that could happen to the colony, and much to be desired by all good men. He fell, I know not how, into talk of Frederica, and said, Sun., June 6th. I passed good part of this as of every day in conversing with Mr. Appee, who generally breakfasted and supped at our house.
The subject of our discourse was my intention of resigning my place, which I resolved to do after my last conference with Mr. Oglethorpe.
The giving up my salary and certain hopes of preferment weighed nothing against my resolution. I made Mr. Appee a proffer of them, which he did not accept, being obliged to return, to look after his fortune in Holland.
Tues., June 8th. I was present at court, and heard the accusations against Mr. Causton, who stood by while Parker, the first tribune of the people, on whom the malcontents had built all their hopes, brought the heaviest charges I suppose that could be brought against him. But they were so incredible, trifling, and childish, that I thought them a full vindication of the Magistrates, and admired Mr. Oglethorpe's patience in hearing them.
Wed., June 16th. This and many foregoing days have been mostly spent in drawing up bonds and affidavits, licences and instructions, for the traders; the evenings in writing letters for Mr. Oglethorpe. We seldom parted till midnight. To-night, at half-hour past twelve, he set out in the scout-boat for Frederica. I went to bed at one, and rose again at four; but found no effect this variety of fatigue had upon my body till some time after.
Sun., June 20th. Walking in the Trustees' garden, I met the Miss
Boveys, whom I had never been in company with. I found some inclination to join them; but it was a very short-lived curiosity.
Sat., June 26th. Mr. Oglethorpe and my brother returned from Frederica.
Thur., July 1st. I was at court while the Creek Indians had an audience with Mr. Oglethorpe; which I took down (as several afterwards) in short hand.
Wed., July 7th. Between four and five this morning Mr. Delamotte and I went into the Savannah. We chose this hour for bathing, both for the coolness, and because the alligators were not stirring so soon. We heard them indeed snoring all around us; and one very early riser swam by within a few yards of us. On Friday morning we had hardly left our usual place of swimming, when we saw an alligator in possession of it. Once afterwards Mr. Delamotte was in great danger; for an alligator rose just behind him, and pursued him to the land, whither he narrowly escaped.
Sat., July 10th. I was waked by the news my brother brought us, of Miss Bovey's sudden death. It called up all my sorrow and envy. "Ah, poor Ophelia!" was continually in my mind, "I thought thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife." Mr. Appee was just set out for Charlestown, [on his way to] Holland, intending to return, when he had settled his affairs, and marry her. "But death had quicker wings than love."
The following evening I saw her in her coffin, and soon seen in her grave.
Wed., July 21st. I heard by my brother that I was to set sail in a few days for England.
Thur., July 22. To-day I got their licences signed by Mr. Oglethorpe, countersigned them myself, and so entirely washed my hands of the traders.
Sun., July 25th. I resigned my Secretary's place, in a letter to Mr.
Oglethorpe. After prayers he took me aside, and asked me whether all
I had said was not summed up in the line he showed me on my letter:-
I leave as gifts things more suitable to you.
"Sir, to yourself your slighted gifts I leave, Less fit for me to take, than you to give."
I answered, I desired not to lose his esteem, but could not preserve it with the loss of my soul. He answered, he was satisfied of my regard for him; owned my argument drawn from the heart unanswerable; and yet, said he, "I would desire you not to let the Trustees know your resolution of resigning. There are many hungry fellows ready to catch at the office; and in my absence I cannot put in one of my own choosing. The best I can hope for is an honest Presbyterian, as many of the Trustees are such. Perhaps they may send me a bad man; and how far such a one may influence the traders, and obstruct the reception of the Gospel among the Heathen, you know. I shall be in England before you leave it. Then you may either put in a deputy or resign.
"You need not be detained in London above three days; and only speak to some of my particular friends, (Vernon, Hutchinson, and Towers,) to the Board of Trustees, when called upon, and the Board of Trade.
"On many accounts I should recommend to you marriage, rather than celibacy. You are of a social temper, and would find in a married state the difficulties of working out your salvation exceedingly lessened, and your helps as much increased."
Mon., July 26th. The words which concluded the lesson, and my stay in Georgia, were, "Arise, let us go hence." Accordingly at twelve I took my final leave of Savannah.
When the boat put off I was surprised that I felt no more joy in leaving such a scene of sorrows.
July 31st. I arrived with my brother at Charlestown. I lay that night at an inn. Next morning I was much rejoiced at hearing Mr. Appee was still in town, waiting for my company to England. His ingenuous, open temper, and disengagement from the world, made me promise myself a very improving and agreeable voyage: especially as I doubted not but the sudden death of his mistress had taken off that appearance of lightness, which I attributed rather to his youth and education, than any natural inconstancy. After breakfasting with Mr. Eveley, a merchant who had bespoke lodgings for us, I went in quest of my friend. We met with equal satisfaction on both sides: but I did not observe those deep traces of sorrow and seriousness which I expected. I asked him whether his loss had had its due effect, in making his heart more tender, and susceptible of divine impressions.
By his answer I concluded his heart was right, and its uppermost desire was to recover the divine image.
Something of this desire I felt myself at the holy sacrament, and found myself encouraged, by an unusual hope of pardon, to strive against sin.
Mon., August 2nd. I had observed much, and heard more, of the cruelty of masters towards their negroes; but now I received an authentic account of some horrid instances thereof. The giving a child a slave of its own age to tyrannize over, to beat and abuse out of sport, was, I myself saw, a common practice. Nor is it strange, being thus trained up in cruelty, they should afterwards arrive at so great perfection in it; that Mr. Star, a gentleman I often met at Mr. Lasserre's, should, as he himself informed L., first nail up a negro by the ears, then order him to be whipped in the severest manner, and then to have scalding water thrown over him, so that the poor creature could not stir for four months after. Another much-applauded punishment is, drawing their slaves' teeth. One Colonel Lynch is universally known to have cut off a poor negro's legs; and to kill several of them every year by his barbarities.
It were endless to recount all the shocking instances of diabolical cruelty which these men (as they call themselves daily practise upon their fellow-creatures; and that on the most trivial occasions. I shall only mention one more, related to me by a Swiss gentleman, Mr.
Zouberbuhler, an eye-witness, of Mr. Hill, a dancing-master in Charlestown. He whipped a she-slave so long, that she fell down at his feet for dead. When, by the help of a physician, she was so far recovered as to show signs of life, he repeated the whipping with equal rigour, and concluded with dropping hot sealing-wax upon her flesh. Her crime was overfilling a tea-cup.
These horrid cruelties are the less to be wondered at, because the government itself, in effect, countenances and allows them to kill their slaves, by the ridiculous penalty appointed for it, of about seven pounds sterling, half of which is usually saved by the criminal's informing against himself. This I can look upon as no other than a public act to indemnify murder.
Wed., August 11th. Coming on board our ship, I found the honest
Captain had let my cabin to another. My flux and fever that has hung upon me, forced me for some nights past to go into a bed; but now my only bed was a chest, on which I threw myself in my boots, and was not overmuch troubled with sleep till the morning. What was still worse, I then had no asylum to fly to from the Captain; the most beastly man I ever saw; a lewd, drunken, quarrelsome fool; praying, and yet swearing continually. The first sight I had of him was upon the cabin-floor, stark naked, and dead drunk.
Fri., August 13th. The wind was still contrary; so that we were forced to lie off the bar, about five miles from Charlestown.
Mon., August 16th. A faint breeze springing up, the pilot, weary of waiting a week to no purpose, said he would venture over the bar, though he feared there was not water enough. Accordingly we attempted it, and had got above half of the two miles between us and the sea, when a violent squall arose, and drove the ship before it with incredible swiftness. Before it began we were almost becalmed, so that it saved the ship, at least, from being a-ground, though with the immediate hazard both of that and our lives. The sailors were in great consternation, expecting to be stranded every moment. The pilot cursed the ship most heartily, and the hour he set foot in her. Having scraped along the ground for some minutes before, the ship at last stuck. She got clear, and stuck fast a second time; and immediately fell into seven fathom water.
The Mate afterwards told me, it was one thousand to one but she had been lost by the Captain's folly and ignorance, in letting fly the mainsail, while we struck on the bar; which was the surest way to fix her there; as it must have done had we not been on the very edge of it.
Tues., August 17th. We were much surprised (the passengers, I mean) at finding, as soon as over the bar, that two of our twelve sailors were obliged to pump every half-hour.
Mon., August 23rd. I rose in the night to appease a quarrel between the second Mate and the Captain, who was continually interrupting the officers in their duty; giving out, as they informed me, such orders as would, if followed, cost them the ship and their lives. His indignation at present was occasioned by their furling some of the sails in the greatest squall we have yet met with.
Thur., August 26th. We saw a brigantine, standing to the windward of us, but quickly lost sight of her. Had she come near us, Mr. Appee and I intended to have gone on board her; for we cannot yet believe we shall come to England in this ship.
Fri., August 27th. We came to an allowance of water, the Captain knowing nothing of what we had on board, till the officers informed him. Indeed, at his rate of drinking, we must quickly come to a shorter allowance; for while any of his half-hogshead of rum remains, here will be nothing but punch, and drams, and drunkenness without end.
This morning Mr. Appee laid aside his mask. He began by telling me all
Mr. Oglethorpe had ever said to him, particularly his inmost thoughts of my brother and me; that he ridiculed our pretended fasting in the ship; that he took all my abstemiousness for mere hypocrisy, and put on for fear of my brother; for he saw how very uneasy I was under the restraint; that he much blamed my carelessness, my closeness, my frightening the people, and stirring them up to mutiny, &c., &c.; that he found I apprehended being turned out of my office, and therefore pretended to be weary of it; that to save my reputation, he had found me an errand to England, but never expected my return, any more than my brother's going to the Indians, which he well knew he never intended, but he would make his own use of him; that he greatly admired his finesse, in offering to go to the Choctaws in all haste, but at the same time procuring the Germans to dissuade him. In a word, he believed him to have a little sincerity, but more vanity: me to have much vanity, but no sincerity at all.
I asked Appee whether his judgment was the same. He answered, "Yes;" that my brother, he believed, was labouring to establish a character for sanctity; was exceedingly subtle, keeping me in the dark, as well as all others; yet credulous, and easy to be imposed upon himself; that he pitied his ignorance, in taking him (Appee) to be sincere; particularly in regard to his breaking off with Miss Bovey, which he intended, not in pursuance of his ghostly advice, but of Mr.
Oglethorpe's, who had told him she was below his aspiring genius; that after his fine talk with my brother, he never made the least alteration in his own behaviour, or thought any farther about it.
While he was giving this blessed account of himself, I could not help reflecting on the profound sagacity and spiritual discernment of my brother and myself; particularly his, who was born for the benefit of knaves. If you would be alert, may you wake up. For my own part, I will never imitate, I will ever beware of, men, as He who best knows them advises.
I will not think all men rogues, till I find them otherwise, (according to Appee's avowed principle,)but I will insist upon a far different probation from what my brother requires, before I take any one into my confidence.
I next inquired what his thoughts were of me. He frankly replied, he took me to be partly in earnest; but I had a much greater mind to please myself than to please God. Yet as for money, I did not much value it; but in my eagerness for pleasure and praise, I was a man after his own heart.: that as I could not hold it, he wished I would leave off my strictness; for I should then be much better company. As for himself, he said his only principle was an insatiable thirst of glory; that Georgia was too narrow a sphere for him, and that therefore he should never see it more.
Yet he desired my friendship, because I had learning, was sincere, and of his temper; but he should like me much better, if I were not a Parson. I had before let him into my own affairs, and read him my letter of resignation to Mr. Oglethorpe. His remark upon that was, "It is finely calculated for the end you propose, - the engaging Mr.
Oglethorpe's opinion and interest; but he will understand you."
Sat., August 28th. After a restless, tempestuous night, I hardly rose at eight. Our happier Captain, having got his dose, could sleep a day and a night upon the stretch, and defy either pumps or squall to wake him.
Mon., August 30th. At noon we were alarmed by an outcry of the sailors, at their having continued pumping several hours, without being able to keep the water under. They desired the Captain to put into some port, before they were got out to sea too far for returning; but he was too drunk to regard them. At five the sailors came down in a body to the great cabin, waked, and told him it was as much as their lives were worth to proceed on the voyage, unless their leaks were stopped; that he remembered it was as much as ever they could do to keep the ship above water in their passage from Boston, being forced to pump without ceasing; that the turpentine fell down upon, and choked up, the pumps continually: nor was it possible to get at it, or to hold out in such continual labour; which made them so thirsty, they could not live on their allowance of water; that they must come to shorter still, through his neglect to take in five more hogsheads of water, as his Mate advised him; that he owned they had no candles for half the voyage: on all which accounts they begged him to consider whether their common safety did not require them to put in at some land, for more water and candles, and, above all, to stop their leaks.
The Captain, having now slept out his rum, replied, "To be sure, the men talked reason," and, without consulting any of his officers, immediately gave orders to stand away for Boston.
September 4 - December 30, 1736
Sat., September 4th. Appee laid a train for the Captain, and betrayed him into talking lewdly; for which I reproved him too sharply, and thereby increased his bedsfitness. He abused me plentifully, till I ceased to take any notice of him. In the evening he set upon me again; but I turned from him, and talked Latin to Zouberbuhler. This made him more outrageous. He blew out the candle by which I was writing.
Zouberbuhler lit it; and he blew it out again: on which we all set upon him; I only talking Latin or Greek. He told me I was drunk, mad, an emissary, a Jesuit, a devil; but could not get one English word from me.
The gentlemen, particularly Appee, baited him to his heart's content; and having laughed upon the stretch till near midnight, we then suffered the poor beast to return to his litter. The next day we said neither good nor bad to him; but he was not continent of speech. His indignation was mostly vented upon me, "the arch-rebel," as he called me, for my "audacious talk." In the evening he again put out
Zouberbuhler's candle; upon which Appee pulled out his spieket of the rum, and let it run about the cabin. This was the cruellest
Punishment ['that] could have been devised; and farther heightened by our mirth at his inimitable resentment. Zouberbuhler lighted up the candle in his own cabin every now and then, bringing it into the great cabin; and when the Captain (whose motions were not of the nimblest) had come out of bed to put it out, Zouberbuhler carried it back again. He called down his men ten times, ordering them to bind us in our beds, to our and their no small diversion. He offered to get at the candle in Zouberbuhler's cabin; but the Swiss stood sentinel at his cabin-door, and then he might as well have wrenched a bone from Cerberus. The Captain gave it over, as impossible, drank a hearty dram, and dropped asleep.
Wed., September 15th. This is the first time I have heard a sailor confess it was a storm. We lay under our mainsail, and let the ship drive, being by conjecture about sixty leagues from Boston, upon George's Bank; though, as we hoped, past the shoals in it. The Captain never troubled himself about anything; but lay snoring even in such a night as the last, though frequently called, without ever stirring, either for squalls, or soundings, or shoals.
In the afternoon the Mate came down, having sounded, and found forty, and soon after twenty, fathom; told the Captain he apprehended coming into shoaler water still; and therefore it would be necessary to reef the foresail and mainsail in readiness, that in case we fell foul of the shoals, (being upon George's Bank, and in a storm,) the ship might have head-way, to get clear again. This the Captain absolutely refused; and, though told it could do no possible harm, and might be the saving of the ship and us, persisted in his obstinacy; so that the Mate left him to sleep, and the ship to take care of itself. But it pleased God to abate the storm, and on Thursday, about twelve, entirely to remove it.
Mon., September 20th. At seven, Mr. Graham, the first Mate, came to ask for directions, as he constantly does, and the Captain as constantly shifting him off, and leaving the whole management of the ship to him, or chance, or any body. The conversation being somewhat remarkable, I took it down in short-hand, as they were speaking it.
MATE - Captain Indivine, what would you have us do? What course would you have us to steer to-night?"
CAPTAIN. - "Even what course you will. We have a fair wind."
M. - "Yes, Sir; and it drives us full upon the land, which cannot be many leagues off."
C. - "Then I think you had best keep forward."
M. - "Would you have us go on all night, and venture running upon the land?"
C. - "I don't know. Go on."
M. - "But there are shoals and rocks before us."
C. - "Why, then, have a good look-out."
M. - "But you cannot see twice the ship's length. What would you order me to do?"
C. - "These rebels and emissaries have excited you to come and ask for orders. I don't know what you mean."
M. - "Sir, nobody has excited me. I come, as it is my duty, to my Captain for directions."
C. - "Have you a mind to quarrel with me?"
M. - "I have a mind to know what you will do."
C. - "Nay, what will you do, if it come to that?"
M. - "Am I your Captain or you mine?"
C. - "I am your Captain, and will make you know it, Mr. Man. Do what I order you; for you must and shall."
M. - "Why, Sir, you order me nothing."
C. - "You would not have me come upon deck myself, sure."
M. - "If you did, I should not think it would be much amiss. Some
Captains would not have stirred off deck a moment in such a night as this. Here you lie, without so much as ever once looking out, to see how things are."
C. - "Yes, I have been upon deck this very day."
M. - "But you have taken no account of anything, or given yourself the least trouble about the ship, for many days past."
C. - "It is all one for that. I know where we are exactly."
M. - "How far do you think we may be from land?"
C. - "Why, just thirty-five leagues. I am sure of it."
M. - "How is that possible? You have taken no observation this fortnight; nor have we got one these four days."
C. - "No matter for that. I know we are safe."
M. - "The most skilful sailor alive cannot know it. Be pleased only to declare what you would have done. Shall we sail on? Shall we lay by?
Shall we alter our course? Shall we stand in and off?" He went on repeating such questions again and again; but as to giving an answer, the Captain chose to be excused; till the Mate, quite out of patience, having waited an hour to no purpose, left him; and the Captain concluded all with, "Jack, give me a dram!"
Tues., September 21st. The sailors, who were upon' deck all night, saw three large ships coming, as they supposed, out of the bay; but in vain attempted to speak with them. At three I was waked by a cry of "Land!" The Mate said we were just upon it; for he saw the light of the watch-house; and if they did not tack about immediately, they would be upon the rocks, which lay just before them under the water. At the same time it blew a storm. The uproar was so great, that it even waked the Captain, who started up, ran to his rum, drank a hearty draught, and then looked upon deck; but not much liking things there, came down again immediately, cried, "Ay, ay; all will be well;" and dropped asleep again.
Wed., September 22nd. Having sailed for some hours without discovering land, we began to think the light which the Mate had seen was of some ship, and not the lighthouse. At two we made land; which the men soon found to be Cape Cod, about eighteen leagues from Boston. The wind blew from shore, yet we kept our course. At midnight the storm gave place to a calm. These have constantly succeeded each other since our leaving Charlestown.
Thur., September 23rd. The fineness of the weather invited even Mr.
Appee upon deck, who usually disposes of twenty-three of the twentyfour hours in bed. His vanity betrayed him into farther discoveries of himself. He laboured to show me the only difference between us lay in externals, through the difference of our education. I had the same views that he had, but was forced by the restraints of a narrower education to dissemble those inclinations which he had given a loose to. The case was the same with my brother: a much better hypocrite, he said, than me; and who would have made an excellent Jesuit. But Mr. Oglethorpe understood him, though for his own convenience he would not seem to do so.
Upon my asking him how he accounted for the great pains my brother had taken with him, he readily answered, That was all grimace. My brother could not but be mightily pleased with the reputation such a convert would gain to his sanctity, which had charms to win over so wild a young gentleman, of his parts. But how could you bear him so long, if you had no esteem for him, or regard to his advice "Why, it was so new a gratification to me to be thought religious, that I found no difficulty in keeping on the mask: and I had got such a knack of going to prayers and sacrament, that I don't know but I should have been actually caught at last."
Fri., September 24th. Being within sight of the lighthouse, at nine in the morning, the pilot came on board us. At two I gladly obeyed his hasty summons, and went into his boat with the other passengers, bidding an hearty farewell to our wretched ship, and more wretched
Captain, who for the two last days had, most happily for us, lain dead drunk on the floor, without sense or motion.
I was at leisure now to contemplate a prospect entirely new, and beautiful beyond all I had ever seen. We sailed smoothly on, in a vast bason, as it seemed, bounded on all sides with small innumerable islands. Some of these were entire rock, in height and colour not unlike Dover cliffs: others steep, and covered with woods. Here and there lay a round hill, entirely clothed with green; and all at such equal distances, that the passages seemed artificially made, to admit the narrow streams between.
Having passed one of these passages, we were presented With a new set of hills, and rocks, and woods, in endless variety; till we came to the castle, three miles from Boston. From thence we had a full view of the town, stretched out a mile and a half upon the shore, in a semicircle. We landed at Long Wharf, which we walked straight up, having a row of houses on one side, and near two hundred sail of ships on the other. I lodged in a public house; went to bed at eleven.
Appee followed me, drunk, between one and two in the morning.
Sat., September 25th. I called several times at Mr. Price, the Commissary's, before I found him at home. At first he looked as not believing me to be a Clergyman (my ship-clothes not being the best credentials). But when I returned in my habit, (Dr. Cutler having met him meantime, and informed him of me,) he received me very cordially, and pressed me to live with him while I stayed in Boston.
Sun., September 26th. I preached in the morning at Dr. Cutler's church, in the afternoon at Mr. Price's, on the one thing needful.
In the evening I first fell into company with Mr. John Chicheley, a right honest zealous advocate for the Church of England, who has, on that account, been cruelly persecuted by the Presbyterians.
Thur., September 30th. In the morning I waited upon the Governor. At noon Mr. Millar, a good-natured Clergyman, visited me. The rest of this and the following day I employed in writing to my friends at Charlestown.
Fri., October 1st. I wrote to my brother concerning my return to Georgia, which I found myself inclined to refer wholly to God.
Sat., October 2nd. I rode out with Mr. Price, in his chaise, to see the country, which is wonderfully delightful.
The only passage out of town is a neck of land about two hundred yards over; all the rest being encircled with the sea. The temperate air, the clear rivulets, and the beautiful hills and dales, which we everywhere met with, seemed to present the very reverse of Georgia.
Sun., October 3rd. After near two months' want of it, I again enjoyed the benefit of the sacrament, which I assisted Dr. Cutler to administer.
I preached on, "There the wicked cease from troubling, and there the weary are at rest:" as I did again in the afternoon for Mr. Price, though I found my strength sensibly abated
Mon., October 4th. I rode with Mr. and Mrs. Price, Dr. Cutler, his son, and Mr. Brig, (two Cambridge scholars,) to see Mr. Millar, at Braintree.
At our return we found Mr. Davenport, who was come to see me, a worthy Clergyman, as deserving of the name as any I see in New
England.
Tues., October 5th. I dined at Mr. Plasted's, a London acquaintance of my brother's; who from thence took occasion to find me out, and showed me all the friendship and civility he could, while I stayed in Boston. After dinner I drove Mr. Cutler to Cambridge. I had only time to observe the civility of the Fellows, the regularity of the buildings, and pleasantness of the situation.
Sat., October 9th. I was dragged out to consult Dr. Graves about my increasing flux. He prescribed a vomit, from which I received much benefit.
Sun., October 10th. I recovered a little strength in the sacrament; but my body was extremely weakened by preaching twice.
Tues., October 12th. I supped with several of the Clergy, at Mr.
Chicheley's, who entertained us very agreeably with his adventures.
He seems to have excellent natural parts, much solid learning, and true primitive piety; is acquainted with the power, and therefore holds fast the form, of godliness; obstinate as was my father in good, and not to be borne down by evil.
Thur., October 14th. I was taken up with the Clergy, in drawing up a recommendation of him to the Bishop of London, for orders. The Bishop had been formerly frightened from ordaining him, by the outcries of the Presbyterians. They were wise to keep a man out of the ministry, who had in a private capacity approved himself such a champion for the Church.
Sat., October 16th. My illness increasing, notwithstanding all the Doctors could do for me, I began seriously to consider my condition; and at my evening hour of retirement found benefit from Pascal's prayer in sickness.
Sun., October 17th. While I was talking at Mr. Chicheley's on spiritual religion, his wife observed that I seemed to have much the same way of thinking with Mr. Law. Glad I was and surprised to hear that good man mentioned; and confessed, all I knew of religion was through him. I found she was well acquainted with his Serious Call; and has one of the two that are in New-England. I borrowed it, and passed the evening in reading it to the family (Mr. Williams's, where I have been some days). His daughter and he seemed satisfied and affected.
Mon., October 18th. Many appointed days of embarkation had come and gone, without our embarking; but this was certainty to be the last.
Accordingly Mr. Millar came very early to attend me to the ship. I took occasion to mention the book I had borrowed of his sister, Mrs.
Chicheley, and read him the characters of Cognatus and Uranius. He liked them much, and promised he would carefully read the whole.
Breakfast and dinner passed, but no summons to go on board.
Tuesday and Wednesday I grew worse and worse; and on Thursday, October 21st, was forced to keep my chamber through pain. Appee came, and laboured all he could to dissuade me from the voyage, promising himself to deliver my letters and papers, and excuse me to Mr. Oglethorpe. Mr. Price, Williams, &c., joined him: but I put an end to their importunity, by assuring them, nothing less than death should hinder my embarking.
Fri., October 22nd. All things being at last in readiness, the wind providentially changed, and afforded me three days more to try experiments. Within that time I vomited, purged, bled, sweated, and took laudanum, which entirely drained me of the little strength I had left. It may be of use hereafter to remember Appee's behaviour at Boston. He gave out that his design in coming to Georgia had been to take charge of the people there: but finding Mr. Oglethorpe just such a genius as himself, he thought his own stay there was not so necessary, but he might safely quit the interest of the colony; which, had it not been to such a hand, he could never have prevailed upon himself to do: that at present he was unresolved where to bestow himself; only that it should be on that part of mankind which needed him the most: that he was going to England about matters of the last importance.
Two or three letters of no moment he said, I carried; but all secret dispatches, to the Duke of Newcastle, and other Ministers of state, he was charged with. From the court of Great Britain he was to be sent
Envoy to Spain. His money, a few hundred pounds, he had (in some companies)sent before him to England; in others, had turned it into silver, and freighted Indivine's ship.
Mon., October 25th. I waked surprisingly better, though not yet able to walk. This morning Dr. Graves came over from Charlestown to see me, gave me physic and advice; which he likewise left in writing; but would take no fee for either. The same civility I received from Dr.
Gibbons, Dr. Gardener, and others. A little after Mr. Chicheley came, and brought me a summons to go aboard. Mr. Price drove me to the wharf, having called by the way on some of my new friends, from whom I have received all the instances of kindness in their power to show.
When we came to the wharf, the boat was not ready; so we were forced to walk half an hour in the open cold air. Mr. Chicheley helped me into the boat, and covered me up. In about two hours we reached the ship; and with Mr. Zouberbuhler, Mr. Appee, Mr. Cutler, and Mr.
Brig, went on board. I lay down in the state-room, less fatigued with the passage than I expected.
Finding Appee wanted his state-room again, I quitted it, and accepted
Mr. Cutlet's offer of his cabin. I had a tolerable night, though stripped of the conveniences I so long enjoyed on shore.
Tues., October 26th. I entered upon the Doctor's regimen, and quickly found the benefit. When five leagues onward on our voyage, the wind changing, forced us back again. In the evening it came fair, and by the next day carried us clear of all land.
Wed., October 27th. I began public prayers in the great cabin. We had seldom any present but the passengers. I had not yet strength to read the lesson, nor attention for any harder study than Clarendon's
History. In the night I was much disquieted by the colic.
Thur., October 28th. The Captain warned me of a storm approaching.
In the evening, at eight, it came, and rose higher and higher, after I thought it must have come to its strength; for I did not lose a moment of it, being obliged by the return of my flux to rise continually. At last the long-wished-for morning came, but brought no abatement of the storm. There was so prodigious a sea, that it quickly washed away our sheep, and half our hogs, and drowned most of our fowl. The ship had been new caulked at Boston; how carefully, it now appeared: for being deeply laden, the sea streamed in at the sides so plentifully, that it was as much as four men could do, by continual pumping, to keep her above water. I rose and lay down by turns, but could remain in no posture long; Strove vehemently to pray, but in vain; persisted in striving, yet still without effect. I prayed for power to pray, for faith in Jesus Christ, continually repeating his name, till I felt the virtue of it at last, and knew that I abode under the shadow of the Almighty.
It was now about three in the afternoon, and the storm at the height. I endeavoured to encourage poor Mr. Brig and Cutler, who were in the utmost agony of fear. I prayed with them, and for them, till four; at which time the ship made so much water, that the Captain, finding it otherwise impossible to save her from sinking, cut down the mizen mast. In this dreadful moment, I bless God, I found the comfort of hope; and such joy in finding I could hope, as the world can neither give nor take away. I had that conviction of the power of God, present with me, overruling my strongest passion, fear, and raising me above what I am by nature, as surpassed all rational evidence, and gave me a taste of the divine goodness.
At the same time I found myself constrained in spirit to bear witness to the truth, perhaps for the last time, before my poor friend Appee. I went to him, declared the difference between one that feareth God, and one that feareth him not; avowed my hope, not because I had attained, but because I had endeavoured it; and testified my expectation, if God should now require my soul of me, that he would receive it to his mercy.
My poor friend was convinced, but stupid; owned the happiness of the most imperfect Christian; an happiness he himself was a stranger to; and therefore, he said, all his refuge was, in time of danger, to persuade himself there was none. Mr. Cutler frequently calling upon God to have mercy upon his soul, Appee confessed he greatly envied him, as he had no manner of concern for his own. I advised him to pray. He answered, it was mocking God to begin praying in danger, when he had never done it in safety. I only added, I then hoped, if God spared him now, he would immediately set himself about working out his salvation, which depended on the one condition of exchanging this world for the next. Mr. Zouberbuhler was present at this conference, and behaved as a Christian ought to do.
I returned to Mr. Brig and Mr. Cutler, and endeavoured from their fear to show them the want of religion, which was intended for our support on such occasions; urged them to resolve, if God saved them from this distress, that they would instantly, and entirely, give themselves up to Him.
The wind was still as high as ever, but the motion rather less violent since the cutting the mast; and we did not ship quite so much water. I laid me down, utterly exhausted; but my distemper was so increased, it would not suffer me to rest. Toward morning the sea heard and obeyed the divine voice, "Peace, be still!"
Sun., October 31st. My first business to-day (may it be the business of all my days!) was to offer up the sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving.
Then we all joined in thanks for our deliverance. Most of the day I was on the bed, faint, and full of pain. At night I rose to prayers, but could not read them. I took a vomit, which gave me immediate ease, in which I passed the rest of the night.
Mon., November 1st. In the afternoon the wind rose, and promised a storm. I endeavoured to prepare myself and companions for it. It did not fail our expectation; but was not so violent as the last. The sea broke over us every ten minutes; and the ceaseless noise of the pumps either kept off sleep, or continually interrupted it.
Tues., November 2nd. Still the poor sailors could have no respite; and as their strength abated, their murmurings increased. At night, when almost exhausted, they were relieved by a calm.
Wed., November 3rd. In the evening the wind arose again, and with that the sea, which at ten broke in through one of the dark lights, and filled the great cabin. It was vain to look for rest in such a hurricane. I waited till two in the morning for its abatement; but it continued all the following day in full majesty.
On Friday, November 5th, we met a ship bound for Boston, which had been ten weeks on her passage from Bristol, and forced in the last storm to throw most of her cargo overboard. Being short of provisions, they desired a barrel of beef, which our Captain very readily sent them, (though at the expense of much time and pains,) and a cag of rum, to encourage their sailors to pump.
The wind came fair about midnight, but soon returned to the same quarter.
Mon., November 8th. My flux returned with great violence.
Tues., November 9th. The men came down, and declared they could keep the water under no longer; it gaining upon them every moment.
Therefore they desired the Captain would be pleased to lighten the ship. He told them he knew what he had to do; bade them return to their pumping, and ordered others to take in all the sails but the mainsail. He stayed some time, (as he since told us, that he might not discourage us,) and then went up; and as we lay by stopped several leaks upon deck. This did considerable service; though it was still the constant business of four men to keep the ship from filling.
During this time I often threw myself upon the bed, seeking rest, but finding none. I asked of God to spare me a little, that I might recover strength; then cast my eye upon the word: "For my name's sake will I defer mine anger; and for my praise will I refrain for thee, that I cut thee not off." (Isai. 48:9.) My soul immediately returned to its rest, and I no longer felt the continuance of the storm.
Wed., November 10th. Toward night it pleased God to abate the wind, so that I once more enjoyed the comfort of sleep.
Sat., November 13th. Never was a calm more seasonable than that which Providence this day sent us. The men were so harassed, they could work no longer; and the leaks increased so fast, that no less than their uninterrupted labour could have kept the vessel from foundering. All hands were now employed in stopping the leaks. The Captain himself told us he had been heartily frightened yesterday, with a danger he would now acquaint us with, since it was over: the total stoppage of one of the pumps. He further informed us, that he had stopped several openings in the sides of the ship, wide enough to lay his fingers in; so that he wondered the poor men had been able to keep her above water; and added, that the utmost he hoped for was, that they might hold out till they could reach some of the western islands. Just as the men had finished their work, .the calm gave place to a fair wind.
Tues., November 23rd. I imparted to Mr. Zouberbuhler my intention of discarding Appee as soon as we landed. He told me he wondered I had not done it before; for he was such a man, so unprofitable, so pernicious, that he himself would not be bound to go another voyage with him for all the world; that he was so excessively vain, he thought himself admired wherever he came; and I was so fond of him, that, for all my talk of parting, I could not live without him. He added, he was so notorious a liar, that he had long since ceased to believe one word he said; and so utterly irreligious, that it was impossible to make a friend of him. He talked so well on this subject, that I was convinced he is not the mere man of honour Appee had represented him; but has some better principle than the dream of a shadow to depend upon.
At midnight I was waked by a great uproar. So prodigious a sea broke upon the ship, as filled it, and half-drowned the men upon deck; though by a particular providence none were washed overboard. The swell lasted something longer than the rain, and high wind; and in the morning we had our fair wind again; being the twelfth day since it was first commanded to attend us.
In the afternoon we had another short but fierce blast, which brought the wind still fairer for our running into the Channel, whence all agreed we could not be far distant. At night I found Mr. Zouberbuhler alone, who, anticipating what I intended to say, addressed me very cordially, desiring my friendship and correspondence; complained of having been linked so long to Appee, that he was become dead like him, though he had had a fear of God, and some acquaintance with Him, till this fatal voyage. He was full of care and thought about his countrymen, whether he should bring them to New-England, or Georgia. In the latter, he said, he saw little encouragement for true piety, (which many of his poor Swiss were yet possessed of,) and feared if they were settled there, they would be corrupted, like the miserable Purlsburgers. He told me, Appee had proffered, if his Spanish embassy failed, to attend him to Switzerland; but he would never more trust such a man near him, or his people: such an abominable liar, scoundrel, and thief; one who had been forced to fly his country and the pursuit of justice, for robbing his father of three hundred guineas.
A fair account of my friend Appee, - and of the twenty-four pounds I have lent him! That a Dutchman should cheat me is nothing strange: but how did he evade the wary eye of Mr. Oglethorpe Happy Miss
Bovey, to be delivered by death from such a man!
On Thursday night our wind failed us. When it was first sent, we had not, in three weeks' sailing, reached the banks of Newfoundland, which is a third part of our way: but this fortnight has almost brought us home. The next day I was perfectly satisfied in the wind's turning against us.
Sat., November 27th. Towards the evening it came fair as we could wish. Ecce ireruin Crispinus! Mr. Zouberbuhler came to me, full of abhorrence. "That Appee," said he, "is a very devil, made up of 93 falseness and lies! He is ever railing against you, behind your back, to the Captain and passengers, ridiculing the prayers, &c. He tells the Captain, (as he did everybody at Boston,) that you are so ignorant, Mr.
Oglethorpe was forced to send him to take care of you. At Charlestown he declared, in all companies, he was come with full powers to put an end to the dispute between them and Georgia. Last night I overheard him giving a blessed account of you to Mr. Brig. As soon as ever I come to land I shall cast him off, and advise you to do the same: for while you suffer him near you, he will not fail to do you all the mischief he can."
Mon., November 29th. We were waked between six and seven by the Captain crying out, "Land!" It was the Lizard-Point, about a league distant. What wind there was, it was for us. I felt thankful for the divine mercies. While I was walking upon deck, Appee came up to me, metuens tale votum ereptum a faucibus; began with many professions of friendship, hoped all little misunderstandings would be forgot; fell into familiar discourse, as formerly; was sure I should never return to Georgia; where Mr. Oglethorpe would allow none but his creatures, or such as were some way subservient to his glory: "which, take my word for it," said he, "is the principle of all his actions, as well as mine.
Christianity he has about as much as myself. I have given him some unanswerable reasons against it." He was undetermined where to spend the next year, but resolved to spend it all in quest of pleasure and glory, - and confident I was just of his mind.
Wed., December 1st. The first thing I heard at day-break was the Captain in an outrageous passion; for the ship, which, according to the course he had ordered, ought to have been near the coast of France, was, through the carelessness of the Mate, just upon the land at Shoreham. He told me, that had not the day broke out as it did, the ship must have run aground; and then all the art of man could not have saved her; for we were land-locked on three sides, and had the wind right astern: so that it was with the utmost difficulty, and not till the afternoon, that we got clear. This lost us a day; for by the evening we should have reached the Downs.
Appee took me aside once more, to try his skill upon me; besought me not to alter my behaviour toward him when we should come to land; denied, as ever he hoped for salvation, that he had ever spoke or wrote disrespectfully of me; detested the thought of such treachery, with so many horrid imprecations, as I believed even a Dutchman would have trembled at. The burden of all was, John Bull and Nicholas
Frog were too dear friends ever to think of parting. But John Bull begged to be excused. Though I stood in admiration of his parts, I did not choose they should be any longer exercised on me. In vain did he resume our lodging together. I was deaf on that ear, and shifted the discourse, which he still brought back again. "Well, my dear friend, wherever you are," said he, "I will take a lodging next door."
Thur., December 2nd. By four in the afternoon we came within sight of Beachy-Head; but the wind freshening, by nine we found ourselves almost unawares over against Dover. We fired a gun for a pilot, but none would come to us. We fell down into the Downs, over against
Deal, and fired two more. The Captain gave us warning that he expected a pilot in an hour or two, at the farthest. I returned thanks to God for bringing us to the haven where we would be; got my few things in readiness, and laid me down, without disquiet or impatience for two or three hours.
FRIDAY, December 3rd, 1736. At six the pilot came on board. It was with much difficulty we got down into his boat. The sea was so rough, that nothing less than our late series of deliverances could have supported our confidence. In half an hour we reached the shore. I knelt down, and blessed the Hand that had conducted me through such inextricable mazes; and desired I might give up my country again to God, when He should require.
Zouberbuhler appeared full of gratitude to God, and affection to me.
We all adjourned to an inn. Zouberbuhler and I walked to bespeak a coach. I joined with the passengers in an hearty thanksgiving for our safe arrival.
Between ten and eleven we set out in the coach; and by three reached
Canterbury; and by ten Sittingbourne. I had intended to lie with Zouberbuhler; but upon an intimation from him, went and lay with Appee, to hinder his having a different kind of bedfellow.
Sat., December 4th. Appee was so very grievous to us, that not only I, but all the passengers, resolved this should be the last day of their acquaintance. At six in the evening we came safe to London. I immediately took coach for Charles Rivington's, leaving my friend
Appee, who promised to come next day, and pay me what he owed me.
My namesake was much rejoiced to see me, and gave me great cause of rejoicing by his account of our Oxford friends.
Sun., December 5th. I received comfort with the sacrament at St.
Paul's; and from thence went to Mr. Towers, who received me with great affection; and heartily congratulated me on my arrival, which my friends had long despaired of. He told me the agreeable news of Mr.
Oglethorpe's being expected daily.
The next I waited upon was good old Sir John Philips, who received me as one alive from the dead. Here I heard a most blessed account of our friends at Oxford; their increase, both in zeal and number. I then hastened to Mr. Vernon, to deliver my letters. He received me very affectionately, and pressed me to live with him during my stay in London.
While we were talking, young Hutton called, having traced me thither, in order to carry me home with him. We took coach for my good old friend and host, his father. I entered with fear and trembling. My reception was such as I expected from a family that entirely loved me, but had given me over for dead, and bewailed me as their own child. A Captain had told them that fifty per cent. assurance had been refused for Indivine's ship; and a report was spread abroad that she had been seen sink to the bottom.
The motion of the stage and hackney coaches occasioned the return of my flux, which prevents my preaching or talking to my admirers.
Many such I have gained by Mr. Ingham's magnificent Journal. My brother's Journal, too, the last I hope will ever be sent hither,) is in every one's hands. Libent modo vivere, fient, Fient ista palam, cupient et in acta referri.
Mon., December 6th. I spent an hour at my uncle's, equally welcome and unexpected. They informed me my brother Hall was gone to a curacy, very melancholy, and impatient at the mention of Georgia; and that my sister Kezzy was gone to live with him. The bird will play with the snake, and the lambs with the tiger.
I waited upon Mr. Hutchinson, who soon fell upon the controverted points. Here also I had an invitation to make his house my home.
Tues., December 7th. I called in the morning on Charles Rivington, who gave me letters and a Journal from my brother in Georgia. After leaving my Secretary's book with Mr. Towers, I waited upon the Bishop of London.
In the ante-chamber I began his Journal, and read it through without either surprise or impatience. His dropping my fatal letter, I hope will convince him of what I never could, - his own great carelessness; and the sufferings that brought upon him, of his inimitable blindness. His simplicity in telling what and who were meant by the two Greek words, was "outdoing his own outdoings." Surely all this will be sufficient to teach him a little of the wisdom of the serpent, of which he seems as utterly void, as his dear friend Mrs. H. is of the innocency of the dove.
In the midst of these reflections I was called in, to deliver my letters.
His Lordship desired me to come next morning, having much to say to me. I drove to Colonel Bladen, who was from home: then to Mr.
Pendarvis's, where we passed an agreeable hour, in mutual accounts of our friends in England and America.
I returned to Mr. Hutton, where Dr. Hales, one of our Trustees, came to see me. Much discourse we had of Georgia, particularly of Miss
Bovey's death, and my brother's persecutions among that stiff-necked people. He seems a truly pious, humble Christian, full of zeal for God, and love to man.
Wed., December 8th. I waited on Colonel Bladen; and then on the Bishop, who asked abundance of curious questions, not worth remembering.
In the evening I obeyed a summons from my Lord Egmont, and gave him, as I did all I came to the speech of, a true account of the case between Georgia and Carolina.
Thur., December 9th. I called on Mr. Towers, who desired me by all means to go home, and keep there, whoever sent for me; promising, if he had any business, he would come to me. I took his advice, and kept my chamber some days, which, with Dr. Cockburn's electuary, almost perfectly recovered me.
Sat., December 11th. Mr. Brig and Cutler called, and informed me
Captain Corney was heartily frightened by hearing on all sides Appee's real character; that he gave over for lost the money he had lent him, as well as that for passage and provisions.
Contrary to my Doctor's advice, I ventured out, Sunday, December
12th, to the sacrament in Duke-street. Mrs. Rhodes challenged me after the service with, "I am glad to see you. I hope you go back again to Georgia."
In the evening a multitude came, and went; most to inquire of their friends or relations in Georgia. I sent them away advocates for the colony.
Wed., December 15th. About noon I waited upon the Trustees, at the office. It put me past all patience to hear they were reading Mr.
Ingham's and my brother's Journals. I was called in, and delivered my letters for the Trustees. Lord Carpenter, being in the chair, desired me to speak that all the gentlemen might hear me. Mr. Towers interposed, and told them I was so weakened by my illness, that I could not speak aloud; and desired me to deliver my papers one by one, to be read by Mr. Vire1st At dinner they fell into discourse about the Missioners, whom as yet they mightily commend, and wish for more of them; as that their Journals might be forthwith printed, that the world might receive the benefit of their labours.
Thur., December 16th. I was extremely sick in the night, and by morning my flux returned.
Sat., December 18th. I began my twenty-seventh year in a murmuring, discontented spirit; reading over and over the third of Job.
Tues., December 21st. I dined at my uncle's, who bestowed abundance of wit on my brother, and his apostolical project. He told me, the French, if they had any remarkably dull fellow among them, sent him to convert the Indians. I checked his eloquence by those lines of my brother: - "To distant realms the' Apostle need not roam, Darkness, alas! and Heathens are at home."
He made no reply; and I heard no more of my brother's apostleship.
Wed., December 22nd. I received a letter from Mr. Whitefield, offering himself to go to Georgia.
Thur., December 23rd. I had a long conference with Lord Fitzwalter concerning Georgia. In the afternoon my old Captain's owners came to desire me to testify the treatment I had received, for which reason I would not proceed [to England] with Indivine. This I promised with Zouberbuhler, if there should be occasion.
Sun., December 26th. I called upon my Doctor, and was well chid for so doing. He told me that if I had not had a constitution of iron, I could not have held out so long; that he could do nothing for me, unless I would keep my chamber; through want of which I had undone all he had been doing, and had all to begin anew.
Wed., December 29th. I called on Zouberbuhler, who gave me the poor
Purlsburgers' case to read; an eternal monument of Carolina's infamous breach of faith. Soon after Mr. Lynn, his landlord, came in, and entertained us with some of Mr. Appee's adventures; who, when he came from Surinam, where he had gained away a plantation his father gave him, was reduced to the last extremity, and taken in, naked and starving, by one Mr. Legg, who was quickly forced to turn him out again, for offering violence to a lady in her family. Cedite Germani latrones, cedite Galli.
He has not studied Gil Bias for nothing (his inseparable companion throughout our voyage). As to his boasts, a specimen Mr. Lynn helped me to, may serve for all. "I wish that dear man, Mr. Oglethorpe, would return. I am impatient to see him: but he is even with me. How would he throw open his arms to embrace me! We were always like two brothers. He could never be without me.
We were constant bedfellows. Many an expedition have we made together; though, in faith, I had work enough of it as his Secretary.
What belonged to one, belonged to the other. He took a fancy to a gold watch of mine. I gave it him that instant. It cost me indeed twenty guineas; but that is a trifle between friends."
Thur., December 30th. I waited upon the Bishop of London for some papers I had left with him, concerning the state of the colony. Some effect they seemed to have had; for he appeared less reserved than I have ever seen him. I took the opportunity to recommend Mr.
Chicheley for orders; and he said, "He should give in his name to the Society, in the list of Missionaries."
January 3 - April 30, 1737
Mon., January 3rd, 1737. In the evening Mr. Zouberbuhler brought
Captain Corney to see me; from whom I received the following narration:- "I was walking with an officer last night, when, in the Strand, I met Mr. Appee; the gentleman I had been two days in quest of. I let him pass, to try if he would take any notice of me; but finding he would not, I called after him. He turned, ran to me, and embraced me with,- "APPEE. - 'Dear Captain Corney, I am overjoyed to see you. It is my great misfortune that I could not do it sooner; but I have been so extremely ill, and have such a multitude of business upon my hands, and of such consequence, as made it impossible.'
"CAPTAIN.-'I did hope indeed to have seen you in these three weeks.'
"A. - 'But, dear Sir, you cannot conceive the load I have had upon me!
What endless business of this Georgia! and all at this end of the town.'
"C. - 'Well, since I have had the good fortune to meet you at last, we must take a glass of wine together.'
"A. - 'That would be to me the greatest pleasure in life; but I am going home in all haste to dress, being forced abroad by business of the last importance.'
"C. - 'Nay, but you shall bestow one half-hour upon me and my friend, since we have had the happiness of meeting you.'" With much ado he got him into the next tavern, and after some indifferent questions mentioned his promise to freight the ship, "which is now clear," said he, "and ready for the Georgia passengers."
"A. - 'That is the very thing I wanted to talk with you about. I look for Mr. Oglethorpe every hour; and as soon as ever he arrives, the business shall be done. You may depend upon it; for I can do anything with him.'
"C. - 'Sir, I am infinitely obliged to you; but in the mean while I must pay off my men, and re-fit my ship, which you know has suffered much in the passage. This will stand me in a good deal of money; and therefore I should be glad to settle that small account betwixt us.'
"A. - 'It was the very thing I was just going to mention, - though it grieves me too, - surely I am the most unfortunate man breathing!
Such disappointments and losses on all hands since my arrival! -my father's failing! my mother's death! my dear friend Mr. Oglethorpe's delay! -that really I am afraid it will be some days before I pay you.'"
The Captain tried some time if he could not recover his money; but finding nothing was to be got by fair means, at last told the officer, that was the man; and bade him do his duty. Appee started up and cried, "I hope, Captain, you are not in earnest! He is not really an officer!"
"Hands spake for Casca;" and the catchpole told him he was his prisoner; offering to read him his writ. Appee declined it, telling him he understood those things; and immediately fell to his entreaties; told the Captain what an esteem he had for him; how he had everywhere extolled his honour, his good nature, and generosity; conjured him by their past friendship to release him directly," otherwise" says he, "Mr. Wesley will hear of it, and bring his action for his money, which, with your debt, is all I owe in the world."
The Captain replied, he had no intention to hurt him, but only to get his own money; (a mere trifle for Mr. Oglethorpe's Secretary to pay!) or, to be sure, his father would lay it down for him, the moment he heard of his confinement.
"A. - 'I assure you, Captain, if one shilling would set me free, I have not a relation in the world that would advance it for me.'
"C. - 'Why, then, I find you have behaved yourself as scurvily toward them as you have toward me. In the ship you was an agent, a secretary, a statesman; but on shore I perceive you are a bite, and a scoundrel; and as such I will use you.'
"A. - 'For God's sake, dear Captain, have pity upon me. I will give you all I have; five pounds in money, my clothes, watch, buckles, sword, snuff-box, and hat.
"C. - 'Sir, I scorn to take a gentleman's clothes; for such you passed upon me: and had you sent me a single line, with, Here are three or four guineas for you, Corney and I will pay the rest when I am able, I would never have given you or myself any farther trouble about it. But your design, from the beginning, was to cheat me; and I shall therefore make an example of you. In Boston, when I would have had you lay in less wine, you told me, What signified forty pounds New-England money. Truly not much to you, who intended me to pay it. But how could you be so base, when I had laid in your provisions, and lent you money, to rob me of the three pounds for the letters?' His answer to the last indictment was plainly, "A. - 'Necessity has no law.'
"C. - 'None but an experienced rogue could have made such an answer.
You thought me a soft, silly fellow, and was therefore resolved to skin me: but now you shall answer for all.'
"A. - 'Have patience with me till Mr. Oglethorpe comes; you shall then have your freight of passengers, and money both. You may be sure of it; for I can have of him what money I please.'
"C. - 'I do not believe a word of it. Did Mr. Oglethorpe see you in a gaol, he would leave you there to condign punishment.'
"A. - 'O, how can you think so, when I have so often told you how intimate we are, and on what important affairs he sent me to England?
It is not my liberty I value; for that he will restore me to, the moment he hears of my confinement; but I fear I shall lose his good opinion.'
"C. - 'I do not believe you ever had it; or that he sent you hither for any other reason, but to get rid of a vagrant, that would else corrupt his colony. If you can pay me my money, do; or I must leave you to justice.'
A. - 'Take my clothes in part of payment. I will give you my note for the remainder of the debt' "C. - 'Would you give me your note for the whole twenty-two pounds, I would sell it the first man that would give me sixpence for it.'"
The Captain continuing inexorable, Appee cried like a child: upon which he asked him how he could behave so abjectly, who had scorned on board to own himself in any danger, (as soon as it was past,) "when I myself," said he, "had little hopes of our escaping" "A. - 'O, Sir, imprisonment, or death itself, is nothing to me; but the loss of so dear a friend as Mr. Oglethorpe this is what sits so heavy at my heart. But I hope you will not be so cruel as to rob me of him.'
"C. - 'I shall be so just to myself, and the world, as to expose a common cheat, who lives upon the public, and lays all honest men, that do not know him, under contribution.'"
Saturday following the Captain was prevailed upon by a friend of Appee, (now in Newgate,) to go hear if he had anything farther to propose. He began very oratorically; could not blame the Captain for what he had done, but forgave him from his heart, and had still the utmost esteem and affection for him: always said, "Captain Corney was a good-natured man, and a gentleman;" was sure, therefore, he would not ruin a poor young fellow, who was rising in the world, and on the very point of making his fortune. He then began casting up the worth of his snuff-box, &c. His sword he valued at seven pounds, his bureau at four.
"C. - 'That bureau, Mr. Wesley told me, was a lady's in London.'
"A. - 'Why, that is very true. I had really forgot it. However, a guinea I may ask her for the freight.'
"C. - 'Sir, you talk like what you are. I expected when you sent for me, your father had supplied you with money to pay me.'
"A. - 'I assure you, once more, was I now going to be hanged, my father would not give a single shilling to save me from the gallows.'
"C. - 'You give a fine account of yourself, and perfectly consistent with that you gave at Boston. Is it fit that such an one as you should be suffered any longer to impose upon honest people. It is well you are at the end of your rogueries.'
"A. - 'I had a suspicion that you had laid a trap for me at Zouberbuhler's; but I was too wise to be caught there.'
"C. - 'It is full as well that I have caught you here. You have been so ungrateful a scoundrel to me, that I was resolved to spend a little more money upon you.'
"A. - 'I deserve it for a blockhead as I am, for not putting myself, as I intended, under the court of the green cloth.'
"C. - 'Why, what a precious rogue you describe yourself! Can you, after this, expect any favour from me. ' "A. - 'I hope you will not take it ill, if I take the benefit of the Act, through which I can come out next term.'
"C. - 'O, not at all, Sir. Take the benefit of the Act, by all means. I would do so myself, was I in your place. But when you are ready to come out, I will give you your keeping there for one half-year longer.'"
Here Appee's friend, Mr. Joy, told him," You have used the Captain so villanously, that I am ashamed to have had any dealings with you. I cannot say one word against his resolution; and desire you would never send or write to me again, or to any of your friends; for we wash our hands of you, and from this hour shall think of you no more."
With this speech he left him, and, walking with the Captain, observed, what a poor unhappy young fellow he was. "That shipwreck of his, in particular, was as unfortunate an accident as one shall hear of." "What shipwreck" says the Captain. "Why, in his passage from Carolina. Have not you heard of it" "No," replied he, "nor anybody else." "He told me," says Joy, "that the ship ran upon the rocks, and all the men were lost, but the Boatswain, a boy, and himself; that as he clung upon the rock, a sea came, and washed him off, dashing him upon another rook, with such violence, that it broke his skull, a tooth, and three of his ribs; so that it cost him no less than ten guineas to the surgeon."
This account I made the Captain repeat two or three times, and took it down from him in shorthand. I asked what gave him the first suspicion of Appee's knavery. He answered, that when the searchers had opened his bureau, he saw several letters Appee had broke open, and a memorandum of nine hundred pounds currency he had taken up at Charlestown, upon (as he suspected) a forged bill of exchange.
Fri., January 7th. The news was brought of Mr. Oglethorpe's arrival.
The next day I waited on him, and received a relation of his wonderful deliverance in the Bristol Channel. The people of Carolina, he told me, were quite mad, had hired men to murder the Indians, - the Spaniards, - had burned Augusta, &o. He then inquired about Appee. I gave him some little account of his misbehaviour, together with an extract of my Journal. He seemed sorry he had ever employed him; talked admirably of resignation; and the impossibility of dying when it is not best.
Sun., January 9th. I saw him again with Mr. Towers. He told me he had read my Journal, which was writ with a great deal of spirit. I replied, all I could answer for was, that it was writ with a great deal of truth.
Thur., January 13th. I met Mr. Getshorn at Mr. Oglethorpe's. He told me of Appee's cheating D______, a poor drunken P______, of his gold watch.
Mr. Oglethorpe acquainted me, that he had been sent to again by Appee, in Newgate. Upon my expressing pity for him, he added, "I can do nothing. He has tied my hands. If I released him, it would confirm all his lies. We are such dear friends, that I must even leave him where he is."
Wed., January 19th. Count Zinzendorf, just arrived from Germany, sent for me. When I came, he saluted me with all possible affection, and made me promise to call every day. From him I went to the Bishop of Oxford, where I met with an equally kind reception. He desired me to come as often as I could, without farther ceremony or invitation.
We had much talk of the state of religion, and of Count Zinzendorf's intended visit. Their Bishops he acknowledged to have the true succession.
Thur., January 20th. I wrote and delivered my own state in a letter to the Count. He sent me to Mr. Oglethorpe, who talked much of the mischief of private journals, all which ought to be published, or never sent. A letter from my brother he read; and argued, I could not but think the writer much too free, too bold, too credulous.
Sat., January 22nd. I called upon Mrs. Pendarvis, while she was reading a letter of my being dead. Happy for me, had the news been true! What a world of misery would it save me! In the afternoon I was overjoyed to meet at M. Essen's my old friend M.G..
Sun., January 23rd. I met Bishop Nitschman at the Count's, and was introduced to the Countess: a woman of great seriousness and sweetness. I was present at their public service, and thought myself in a quire of angels.
Tues., January 25th. I paid a visit to Dr. Hales, in the country.
Wed., January 26th. We took a walk to see Mr. Pope's house and gardens; justly called a burlesque upon human greatness. I was sensibly affected with the plain Latin sentence upon the obelisk, in memory of his mother: Ah, Editha! matrum optima, mulierum amantissima, vale! How far superior to the most laboured elegy that he, or Prior himself, could have composed!
Sun., January 30th. At St. Martin's I heard an excellent sermon by Dr.
Trapp, on, "In your patience possess ye (or be ye master of ) your souls;" proving the miserable slavery of the passions.
Tues., February 1st. I was again with the Bishop of Oxford, and told him the Bishop of London had declined having anything to do with Georgia; and said it belonged to the Archbishop only to unite the Moravians with us. He replied, it was the Bishop of London's proper office; but bade me assure the Count, we should acknowledge the Moravians as our brethren, and one Church with our own.
Wed., February 2nd. Mr. Oglethorpe told me, Appee, released from prison, desired to meet me at his house. The next morning I waited there some hours, to confront him; but no Appee appeared.
At nine I was with the Count, who seemed resolved to carry his people from Georgia, if they might not be permitted to preach to the Indians.
He much pressed me to go with him to Germany; which I am very willing to do, if I can get clear of the Trustees.
Sun., February 6th. I had much conversation with the Count. Some of his words were, "The Christian cannot yield to sin; cannot long fight against it; but must conquer it, if he will." Speaking of his own case, he said, he and a lady were in love with each other; till, finding something of nature, he resolved to renounce her; which he did, and persuaded her to accept of his friend. "From that moment," said he, "I was freed from all self-seeking, so that for ten years past I have not done my own will in anything, great or small. My own will is hell to me. I can just now renounce my dearest friend, without the least reluctance, if God require it." He kissed and blessed me at parting.
Mon., February 7th. Before I set out for Oxford I called upon the Count, and desired his prayers. He commended himself to our friends there; and promised, if any of them would write to him, or the Brethren, they would answer them.
Tues., February 8th. I came to Oxford, and took up my lodgings with Mr. Sarney. In the evening I met and encouraged our friends by the Count's and the Moravians' example. Mr. Kinchin I found changed into a courageous soldier of Christ. I read them my brother's Journal.
Wed., February 9th. I met and accompanied my friend Horne to the Convocation, where we carried the election (I came down about) for Mr. Bromley, our old member, three hundred and thirty-nine, against one hundred and twenty-six.
I visited my old friends at the castle, and found honest Thomas Waite still a prisoner there. Mrs. Topping was gone where the prisoners rest together, and hear not the voice of the oppressor. Returning, I called at the Blue Posts, and found my old pupil, Robert Kirkham. We spent the evening, as before, in mutual exhortation.
Thur., February 10th. I talked with some of my old proselytes in College: paid my respects to the Dean, and met with a sharp expostulation for voting against him (as he called it). In an hour we came to a right understanding, and parted friends.
I dined with Mr. Woods, of Abingdon: the same kind friendly man he was. In the evening I saw Mr. Carter and Banny Kirkham, and laboured to awaken one, and confirm the other. At Mr. Sarney's I found good Mr.
Gainbold, and Kinchin.
Fri., February 11th. I exhorted poor languid Smith, and then Carter, to resume all their rules of holy living. In the afternoon I was with the Rector of Lincoln, who received me very affectionately.
Sat., February 12th. By nine at night I got back to the Count in London; and consulted him about my journey to Germany.
Tues., February 16th. I told Mr. Oglethorpe of my desire of returning with him to Georgia, if I could be of any use there as a Clergyman; but as to my Secretary's place, I begged him to tell me where, when, and how, I should resign it. He bade me think what I did; and when I had well considered the matter, he would talk with me farther.
Fri., February 18th. In walking to St. Martin's, I met my dearest friend
Appee, who accosted me with inimitable assurance, and asked where he might meet me. I appointed Mr. Oglethorpe's, the next morning.
Sat., February 19th. I waited on Mr. Oglethorpe, with no great expectation of Appee. He was too wary to keep his appointment.
Sun., February 20th. Being to set out the next day for Tiverton, I went to take my leave of the Count, who invited me again to Germany, bade me not despair, and dismissed me with his blessing. My last words were, Peace be with you: to which he replied, And with your spirit.
Mon., February 21st. I came in the coach to Reading; and the next evening to Marlborough, where I found horses my brother Hall had sent to bring me to Wootton. With him and my sisters, Patt and Kez, I stayed till Mon., February 28th; and then took horse for Bath; the next day I got to Wellington; and, Wed., March 2nd, in the morning reached Tiverton. I ran up stairs to my sister, who received me with tears of joy. I saw Phill next, and last my brother, who seemed at least as well as when he left me at London, three years before. I went to comfort my mother, indisposed in her chamber.
Tues., March 8th. I took horse, and on Thursday afternoon got back again to Wootton.
Tues., March 1st. I set out for London, in the Marlborough coach, which had been robbed morning and evening, for four days before.
This fifth morning we passed unmolested. Scarce was I got to town, when they fell to robbing again.
Thur., March 17th. At Mrs. Pendarvis's I found M.G., and her brother, who pressed me to bear him company to Mickleton.
Tues., March 22nd. I set out at three in the Oxford coach with Mr. Gr., and his sister, and Mr. Dews.
Wed., March 23rd. I was much moved at hearing Mr. Gambold's history of my brother.
Thur., March 24th. Our company set out again for Mickleton; which we reached by night. We passed the time agreeably enough in walking, conversing, and reading.
Wed., March 30th. I rode over to Stanton, where they were all overjoyed to see me; especially my first of friends, Varanes.
Wed., April 6th. I had some conversation with M.G. about the fewness of those that are saved. How little is she advanced in the school of Christ, who is not convinced of this truth!
Sat., April 9th. In the evening I had the satisfaction of seeing Mr. Gr. much affected with a chapter he had been reading of Mr. Law. He desired his sister might hear it. I read it a second time, and took that opportunity of pressing upon him a daily retirement.
Thur., April 28th. I took horse with Mr. Gr. and Dews. The former left us at Compton, and we rode on towards Spilsbury.
Sat., April 30th. I got back to Mr. Sarney's, weary and faint, and in a fever, through want of sleep.
May 2 - August 31, 1737
Mon., May 2nd. Between one and two in the morning, I betook myself to my usual bed, the floor. Charles Gr. breakfasted with me, and owned with tears, he had never felt any true joy but in religion. I earnestly recommended Law to him.
At noon I visited Mr. Gainbold, right glad to see me. I found him much cheerfuller than usual: his sister just the same. In the afternoon I talked with the prisoners; very attentive: with the Dean; very kind and friendly.
Tues., May 3rd. At two Mr. Sarney rose to pray for me. I rose too, and set out for London, which I reached in a few hours.
Thur., May 5th. I met Virelst and Counsel at Mr. Oglethorpe's, about the hearing they are shortly to have before the Board of Trade. When they were gone, Mr. Oglethorpe said, if the Government had dropped
Georgia, he would not let the poor people perish, but sell his estate, which he could do for 45,000, and support them upon the interest.
Fri., May 20th. At her desire, I waited upon Lady Betty Hastings. Her inquiries about Georgia were interrupted by the Bishop of Gloucester's coming.
Sat., May 21st. I rode out of town to meet my brother and sister from Tiverton, and attended them to Mr. Powel's.
Mon., May 30th. I carried my brother to the good Archbishop, who received us very kindly.
Wed., June 1st. I accepted an invitation from Mrs. Benson, and rode down to Cheshunt Nunnery. Miss Kitty and Mrs. Johnson were there before me. I was much delighted both with the place and company.
After dinner I missed my letter-book, and rode back to town, seeking it in vain. By seven next morning I was at the Nunnery again; and returned to London in the afternoon.
Fri., June 3rd. Between six and seven this evening I took horse for Cheshunt, eighteen miles from London; got there by nine; and the next morning rode eighteen miles farther, to Hatfield, to see my sister
Nancy. In the afternoon I returned to the Nunnery.
Trinity Sunday, June 5th. We all went in an hired coach to Warmley; where I preached "Few saved;" and was pleased to see the family stay the unexpected sacrament. In the evening I rode back to town.
Mon., June 6th. At ten we were again before the Board of Trade. Till twelve Carolina side was heard. Then our Counsel (confused enough) was heard for Georgia.
Wed., June 8th. I made affidavit in Chancery-Lane, as to what I knew relating to Georgia. At one I called upon my uncle, and found him exceeding ill.
Thur., June 9th. At the Board, part of our Charter and Acts were read, &c. I declared upon oath, that all the traders licensed were supposed to be within Georgia. After my affidavit was read, Murray made our defence; but so little to Mr. Oglethorpe's satisfaction, that he started up, and ran out. I dined with my brother at Lord Oxford's. Lady
Oxford, Lord Duplin, and the famed Lady Mary, were of the company.
Sat., June 11th. I found my uncle dying. He pressed my hand, showed much natural affection, and bade me give his love to his sister. I spent the evening at Cheshunt, in reading Mr. Law to the family,-my usual employment there.
Sunday evening. I heard that my uncle died, a little after I left him.
Mon., June 13th. I waited on my brother and sister a little way on their road to Tiverton. On Wednesday I breakfasted at the Nunnery. On Thursday night I attended my uncle to his grave.
Fri., June 17th. I heard the last of my friend Appee's adventures here, from one Mr. Laba, a cutler; from whom he had just stole a watch, and run away with it to Paris.
Sat., June 18th. I was before the Board of Trade for the last time, to hear Carolina's reply to Georgia. I spent the rest of the month between Cheshunt and Hatfield.
Sat., July 2nd. I was at the Nunnery; and the next day preached at Hatfield. I slept at Cheshunt.
Mon., July 4th. In the evening I set out for Oxford. I came thither the next day, where James Hutton had got before me. In the evening young
Gr. came to me at Sathey's, in an excellent temper. I encouraged him to go on in the narrow way; and strongly recommended stated hours of retirement.
Thur., July 7th. I pressed the same upon poor Smith, in our walk to Mr.
Gainbold's, where 1 found my sister Kezzy. I got back to dinner with Lady Cox and her sisters. In the evening Gr. told me, that on this day he first felt the beginnings of the change; and was convinced of the reality of what he only believed before upon my brother's and my testimony.
He appeared full of joy and love.
Sat., July 9th. I set out with James, for Wootton. Quite spent, I laid me down, and slept for a quarter of an hour upon the ground. By two we reached Marlborough, and by four, Wootton. My mother was lately come thither from Tiverton.
Mon., July 11th. Meeting Ch. at Bath, we could get no farther. He carried us to see the quarries; where I narrowly missed being dashed to pieces. On Wednesday, July 13th, we came safe to Tiverton.
Sat, July 23rd, and Sun., 24th, at Wootton. Days never to be forgot!
Mon., July 25th. I heard at Oxford that Charles Graves had been carried away by his friends, as stark mad.
Thur., July 28th. I spied Robinson and Bateley in the long-walk, and crossed over to speak with them. They fell upon me unawares, desiring me to take some of the Cowley saints to Georgia; charged the Methodists with intrusion, schism, and bringing neglect upon the ministry. We differed absolutely. I left them with, "Remember, you will be of my mind when you come to die."
Fri., July 29th. We set out for London, with Mr. Morgan and Mr.
Kinchin; and on
Sat., July 30th, finished our travels at College-street, where I had the satisfaction of finding my old hearty friend, Benjamin Ingham.
Mon., August 1st. I read Mr. Oglethorpe my brother's letter to the Trustees, charging Horton with raising a scandalous report about me.
He would not advise one way or the other: which I interpreted as a dissuasive, and therefore took no farther notice of the matter.
Wed., August 17th. After spending some time at Hatfield, I set out with my brother Lambert, for London. At Epping he went back, full of good resolutions.
Thur., August 18th. Hearing that Mrs. Delamotte was now in town, I went to see her. We fell into discourse upon resignation; and she seemed resolved to acquiesce in the will of God, detaining her Isaac from her.
Sun., August 21st. I took horse again for Hatfield; read prayers, and preached at Wormley; called on Dr. Nichols, and rode on. My brother I left on the 24th, in excellent temper. I called and dined at Dr. Newton's.
Thur., August 25th. After giving the sacrament to a sick woman, I breakfasted with Mr. Chadwick. We had some close talk about the new birth, with which he was greatly moved. I took the opportunity of recommending regular retirement, and religious acquaintance. I preached at Ludgate, dined with M. Musgrave, and called in the afternoon at Mrs. Delamotte's. The Cambridge youth was there; but we had no very useful conversation.
Fri., August 26th. I waited upon His Majesty at Hampton Court, with the Oxford Address, by the advice of Mr. Potter. The Archbishop told me he was glad to see me there. We kissed their Majesties' hands, and were invited to dinner. I left that, and the company, and hasted back to town. The next day we waited upon His Royal Highness, and dined all together at St. James's.
Wed., August 31st. I talked at large upon my state with Mr. Law, at Putney. The sum of his advice was, "Renounce yourself; and be not impatient."
September 9 - December 31, 1737
Fri., September 9th. I consulted Mr. Law a second time, and asked him several questions: "With what comment shall I read the Scriptures?"
"None." "What do you think of one who dies unrenewed, while endeavouring after it?" "It concerns neither you to ask, nor me to answer." "Shall I write once more to such a person?" "No." "But I am persuaded it will do him good." "Sir, I have told you my opinion." "Shall I write to you?" "Nothing I can either speak or write, will do you any good."
Sat., September 10th. Calling at Mr. Delamotte's, I found Miss Hetty there, and gave her her brother's letter. We soon fell into talk about the new birth. She lamented her not being acquainted with me sooner; and that she could not be in the country now I was going thither. I walked back to Charles Rivington's, and fetched her Mr. Law; and then took coach for Eltham and Blendon. My friend Benjamin had been there before me, and met with such a reception as encouraged me to follow. He had preached to them with power; and still more powerfully by his life and conversation. The eldest sister, and Cambridge scholar, were struck to the heart. The first evening passed in discourse of my namesake in America.
Sun., September 11th. I preached the one thing needful: had some serious talk with Miss Betsy, and read to Mrs. Delamotte part of my Journal, relating to their intended visitant, Appee.
Mon., September 12th. I returned to town, and spent an hour with Hetty, in discoursing on the inward change, and reading Law. She received all his sayings with the utmost readiness.
Tues., September 13th. I went again to my simple Hetty, to learn some of her humility. Her convictions were much deepened by my reading the Life of God in the Soul of Man. I took my leave, and set out for Oxford, by way of Windsor, and Mr. Thorold's.
Thur., September l5th. I rose (at Sarney's) with earnest desires of resigning myself up entirely to God. I had the satisfaction of seeing an excellent letter from young Gr. in the country.
Fri., September 16th. I walked over with Mr. Gainbold to Stantonarcourt. After much talk of their states, we agreed, that I should not speak at all to my sister on religion, but fully to his.
Calling accidentally in the evening at my sister Kezia's room, she fell upon my neck, and in a flood of tears begged me to pray for her. Seeing her so softened, I did not know but this might be her time, and sat down. She anticipated me, by saying she had felt here what she never felt before, and believed now there was such a thing as the new creature. She was full of earnest wishes for divine love; owned there was a depth in religion she had never fathomed; that she was not, but longed to be, converted; would give up all to obtain the love of God '. renewed her request with great vehemence that I would pray for her; often repeating, "I am weak, I am exceeding weak." I prayed over her, and blessed God from my heart; then used Pascal's prayer for conversion, with which she was much affected, and begged me to write it out for her. After supper, (at which I could not eat for joy,) I read Mr. Law's account of Redemption. She was greatly moved, full of tears and sighs, and eagerness for more. Poor Mrs. Gainbold was quite unaffected: her time being not yet come.
Sat., September 17th. I prayed with Kez., still in the same temper; convinced all her misery had proceeded from her not loving God.
This morning Mr. Wells, of Jesus College, came in. I took occasion to mention Mr. Law on the Redemption; read part of it, and rejoiced in his so cordially joining us.
Sun., September 18th. I preached at the Castle, and gave the sacrament to threescore communicants. In the afternoon at Stantonarcourt. I was continually called upon by Kez., to pray with her. We supped at Mr.
Bonnel's.
Wed., September 21st. I rejoiced to hear at Oxford, that Graves was returned from his friends unshaken. At night he came in, (to Sarney's,) fell upon my neck, and burst into tears. It is hard to say, whether his friends' hatred, or his love, of me exceeds.
Thur., September 22nd. I breakfasted with Mr. Rock at Nuneham; and dined at Maple-Durham with Mr. Burton. Next morning I got to Mr.
Thorold's, at Windsor; and in two hours to London. But my hard riding had nearly occasioned my being apprehended for an highwayman.
Sat., September 24th. At twelve I set out for Blendon. Passing Mr.
Delamotte's, I was minded to call, though they were all out of town
Contrary to my expectation, I found Hetty left behind. We passed two hours in conference and prayer. Two hours afterwards I was with her again, and read Scougal on "Few saved." She was quite melted down, and, after a prayer for love, said, "God knows my heart: I do desire nothing but Him."
Sun., September 25th. I met her at the sacrament in Crooked-Lane; and endeavoured to prepare her for persecution, which all must suffer who will live godly in Christ Jesus.
Tues., September 27th. I rode to Windsor; and next day to Mapleurham by noon. An hour after I took horse, and quickly lost myself in a wood: but by breaking fences, and leaping ditches, got at last to Dorchester. I lost myself again between that and Nunchain; but soon recovered it, and by night came to honest Mr. Sarney's.
Thur., September 29th. I found Graves and Kezzy still pressing forward. In the afternoon I met Mr. Wells alone, and had some close talk with him upon the new birth, self-renunciation, &c. He confessed reputation was his idol; rejected his own righteousness: convinced, but fearful: longing to break loose. I went with him to the chapel; and afterwards resumed the subject. He seemed on the brink of the new birth.
Sat., October lat. I prayed by Mr. Carter, who lay a-dying: and by Mrs.
Sarney, in the same condition.
Sun., October 2nd. I carried Graves to Stanton-Harcourt, where I gave the sacrament, and then preached at Southleigh. In the evening we returned to Oxford.
Mon., October 3rd. At six I took horse for Barkswell. A little on this side Banbury my horse threw me, with great violence, over his head, and tumbled after, but not upon me. I rose first, unhurt, except that I sprained my leg. With much wandering through excessive bad roads, by night I got to Mr. Boys's, quite exhausted.
Tues., October 4th. I waked much refreshed. The family showed me all possible civility, especially dear Susan, for whose sake I had come.
Wed., October 5th. We parted as friends should part. I returned, before night, to Oxford.
Fri., October 7th. I received a letter from James Hutton, summoning me on board in fourteen days.
Sat., October 8th. I endeavoured to fix Kinchin, Sarney, Washington, and Hutchins, in meeting as my brother, &c., used formerly. I rode to Spilsbury, to see my old friend Horn, and returned by night to read
Nicodemus at Queen's.
Sun., October 9th. I gave the sacrament and preached at Southleigh. In the evening at dear Charles's; still growing in humility and love.
Mon., October 10th. Being determined not to leave England till I had come to a full explanation with Dicky Graves, this morning I went to his rooms; talked the whole matter over, and were both entirely satisfied. Then I spoke of my making his brother Charles mad; hoped he himself would be one of those whose life fools count madness; explained the nature of true religion; "no other than what you once laboured after, till the gentleman swallowed up the Christian." He was greatly moved; complained he could not pray. I appealed to him, whether he had not formerly felt more solid pleasure in religion, than in all the caresses of the world. He confessed it, and resolved to return.
I earnestly recommended Law, and daily retirement, as my last legacy.
"My heart's desire to God for you is, that you may be saved. In a little time, all I can do will be to pray for you: and I hope you will now pray for me, as for a friend, not an enemy." He answered, "That I shall do heartily. I am satisfied you are my sincere friend." We then kissed, and parted - till that day.
Tues., October 11th. I set out for London. In a mile's riding my horse fell lame. I sung the 91st Psalm, and put myself under the divine protection. I had scarce ended, and turned the hut, on Shotover-Hill, when a man came up to me, and demanded my money, showing, but not presenting, a pistol. I gave him my purse. He asked how much there was. "About thirty shillings." "Have you no more?" "I will see;" put my hand in my pocket, and gave him some halfpence. He repeated the question," Have you no more?" I had thirty pounds in a private pocket; bade him search himself; which he did not choose. He ordered me to dismount, which I did; but begged hard for my horse again, promising not to pursue him. He took my word, and restored him. I rode gently on, praising God. My bags, and watch, and gold, the robber was forced to leave me. By the evening I reached Westminster.
Fri., October 14th. I was informed at the office, that I was to go in three weeks with the Lieutenant-Colonel by way of Gibraltar.
Sun., October 16th. I rode to Blendon, and read S.S. to the two sisters, and prayed with them for conversion. I was employed again in like manner, after the opposers were gone to bed.
Tues., October 18th. Jacky Delamotte and I took horse. Mine fell into a hole; but I kept my seat. His followed, and flung him over his head.
Neither was hurt.
Fri., October 28th. I found Miss Betty at Fresh Wharf, and spent an hour or two with her and Jacky. Next morning I was with her alone, and spoke largely of the danger of lukewarmness, and resting in negative goodness. I never saw her so moved before.
Sun., October 30th. I waked them at five, and attended them to Forster-Lane, where we heard Mr. Whitefield, and communicated together. I preached at St. Helen's "the one thing needful." In the afternoon I carried her and her brother to Mr. Chadwick's, (my usual lodgings,) and thence to Ironmonger's-Lane. After preaching the same sermon here, we drank tea at Mr. Chadwick's, and then took coach for College-Street. They were much delighted with the singing there, and edified, I hope, by George Whitefield's example. It was near eleven before I left them at their own house.
Wed., November 2nd. I was at the office, and returned the Trustees thanks for the 50 they had lately ordered me, as a Missionary. I dined with them; and they desired me to draw up a scheme for an Orphanhouse. The evening I passed at Fresh Wharf: good old Mr. Delamotte was there, and pleased me much by his seeming so heartily to relish our reading Bishop Hall.
Fri., November 4th. I heard an excellent sermon at St. Antholine's, on holiness, or likeness to God; and passed the evening with B. D.; who then told me the reason why I was not sent for to Blendon, was, Mrs.
Delamotte's fear of my making Hetty run mad: and when I gave them notice of my coming, she sent her up to town, that I might not see her; which Providence made the means of my having so many hours with her alone.
Sat., November 5th. I met and turned back with Betty, to hear Mr.
Whitefield preach, not with the persuasive words of man's wisdom, but with the demonstration of the Spirit and with power. The churches will not contain the multitudes that throng to hear him.
Mon., November 7th. I read over Pietas Hallensis; and desired our Orphan-house might be begun in the power of faith.
Thur., November 10th. In obedience to a summons from Miss Betsy this morning, I took coach for Greenwich, and walked the rest of the way to Blendon. We had some animating discourse before Mrs.
Delamotte came in. Then we fell into talk of the new birth, which she did not at all relish; but continued still cold, averse, and prejudiced against the truth.
Sun., November 18th. I preached at Bexley, on the love of God. Mrs.
Delamotte thanked me for my sermon with tears; owned she had loved Charles too well; and was quite altered in her behaviour towards me. We had farther conversation on the love of God. Mr.
Delamotte confessed there could be no happiness in anything else.
Mon., November 14th. Little Molly burst into tears upon my telling her God loved her. The whole family now appear not far from the kingdom of God.
Sun., November 20th. At St. Helen's I preached the circumcision of heart. The next day my flux returned.
Tues., November 22nd. Mr. Oglethorpe advised me to go to Tiverton. I went to take my leave of our friends at Blendon. Mrs. Delamotte was quite open, and not afraid that her son should be called a Methodist.
Fri., November 25th. At M. Hutton's this evening, my brothers Lambert and Wright visited me. The latter has corrupted the former, after all the pains I have taken with him, and brought him back to drinking. I was full, yet could not speak; prayed for meekness, and then set before him the things he had done, in the devil's name, toward re-converting a soul to him. He left us abruptly. I encouraged poor J. Lambert to turn again unto God.
Mon., November 28th. I took coach for Tiverton. The next day I called on my mother in Salisbury. She vehemently protested against our returning to Georgia.
Wed., November 30th. I had much serious conversation with a gentlewoman in the coach, concerning the new birth. I read part of Mr.
Law. She was deeply struck, melted, conquered.
Thur., December 1st. We lodged at Dorchester; when my distemper fully returned.
Fri., December 2nd. I met horses at Honiton, and by four came to Tiverton; where I found my brother much better.
Sun., December 4th. I was much melted at the sacrament. In the evening I reproved my sister (which I am often forced to do) for evilspeaking.
Thur., December 22nd. Quite wearied out by her incessant slanders, to-day I had a downright quarrel with her about it. My brother on these occasions is either silent, or on my side.
Tues., December 27th. I was not sorry to set out for London. I rode as far as Taunton.
Wed., December 28th. In the coach I employed myself mostly in reading Cyrus's Travels, and Leslie's Short Method with the Deists.
Thur., December 29th. We narrowly escaped overturning, through the loss of a wheel. I supped in Salisbury, at my brother Hall's.
Sat., December 31st. I set out at two in the morning, and with the night came to James Hutton's.
January 5 - April 30, 1738
Thur., January 5th, 1738. I made frequent visits this month to Blendon, and rejoiced over Mrs. Delamotte, now entirely cordial and friendly.
We were joined by Mr. Piers, the Minister of Bexley, who delighted in every opportunity of conversing, singing, and praying with us.
Fri., February 3rd. In the afternoon news was brought me at James
Hutton's, that my brother was come from America. I could not believe, till at night I saw him. He comes, not driven away, but to tell the true state of the colony; which, according to his account, is truly deplorable.
Sat., February 4th. I informed Mr. Oglethorpe of his arrival. He was very inquisitive into the cause of his coming; said he ought not to have returned without the Trustees' leave. At ten, before the Council, I heard the fresh pleadings for Carolina.
Mon., February 6th. I waited on the good Archbishop, who received me with his usual kindness.
Wed., February 8th. I was with the Trustees, who were surprised by my brother's account of Georgia, the fewness of the people, &c.
Fri., February 10th. We dined at Mr. Vernon's, who accosted me, "Well, Sir, I hope you intend returning to Georgia." I answered, "That is my desire and design." I heard more of the great discouragements the poor people labour under.
Sat., February 11th. I heard Clerk plead for Georgia, before the Council, and Mr. Oglethorpe's speech.
Thur., February 16th. Mr. Oglethorpe told me, "Your brother must have a care. There is a very strong spirit raising against him. People say he is come over to do mischief to the colony. He will be called upon for his reasons, why he left the people." I answered, "Sir, he has been twice before at the Board for that purpose, but was not asked that question, and therefore had no opportunity to answer it. He will attend them again on Wednesday morning." I waited on his Lordship of London, and informed him of my brother's return. He spoke honourably of him; expressed a great desire to see him; asked many questions about Georgia, and the Trustees; forgot his usual reserve and dismissed me very kindly.
Fri., February 17th. I came in the Oxford coach to my old lodgings at Mr. Sarney's.
Sat., February 18th. I rode over to Stanton-Harcourt, to see John
Gainbold and my sister. My brother met us. We prayed and sang together. In the evening I prayed at Mr. Sarney's, with some scholars, and a Moravian.
Sun., February 19th. I received the sacrament once more at Christchurch.
Mon., February 20th. I began teaching Peter Bohler English.
Tues., February 21st. In the afternoon I lay down, half distracted with the tooth-ache.
Wed., February 22nd. I waked much better. At five I had some close conversation with Peter Bohler, who pressed upon our scholars the necessity of combining, and instanced in many awakened, but fallen asleep again, for want of it. He talked much of the necessity of prayer and faith.
Fri., February 24th. At six in the evening, an hour after I had taken my electuary, the tooth-ache returned more violently than ever. I smoked tobacco; which set me at vomiting, and took away my senses and pain together. At eleven I waked in extreme pain, which I thought would quickly separate soul and body. Soon after Peter Bohler came to my bedside. I asked him to pray for me. He seemed unwilling at first, but, beginning very faintly, he raised his voice by degrees, and prayed for my recovery with strange confidence. Then he took me by the hand, and calmly said, "You will not die now." I thought within myself," I cannot hold out in this pain till morning. If it abates before, I believe I may recover." He asked me, "Do you hope to be saved?" "Yes." "For what reason do you hope it" "Because I have used my best endeavours to serve God." He shook his head, and said no more. I thought him very uncharitable, saying in my heart, "What, are not my endeavours a sufficient ground of hope? Would he rob me of my endeavours? I have nothing else to trust to."
By the morning my pain was moderated. Ted Bentham, calling, then persuaded me to be blooded. I continued in great pain. In the evening he brought Dr. Manaton.
On Saturday morning I was blooded again; and at night a third time.
Sun., February 26th. Mr. Wells brought my sister Kezzy. Dr. Fruin came.
I dictated a letter to Dr. Cockburn, and James Hutton.
Mon., February 27th. The scale seemed to turn for life. I had prayed that my pains might not outlast this day; and was answered.
Tues., February 28th. My dear James Hutton came post from London, and brought me Dr. Cockburn's letter and directions. As soon as I was able, I sent my brother at Tiverton the following account: - "Dear Brother, - I borrow another's hand, as I cannot use my own. You remember Dr. South's saying [I have been within the jaws of death, but he was not suffered to shut his mouth upon me]. I ought never to forget it. Dr. Manaton told me, he expected to have found me dead at his second visit. This several remarkable accidents concurred to hinder. I had kept in a week before the pleurisy came, and taken physic twice. At midnight it seized me so violently, that I never expected to see the morning. In the preceding afternoon I had taken
Dr. Cockburn's electuary, and an hour after was visited by so outrageous a tooth-ache, that it forced me to the abominable remedy of a pipe. This quickly made me discharge my astringent, and, in all probability, saved my life; binding medicines being poison in a pleuritic fever. I took my illness for the flux, and so never thought of sending for a physician. T. Bentham fetched him against my will, and was probably the instrument of saving my life a second time. Dr. M. called in Dr. Fruin. They bled me three times, and poured down draughts, oils, and apozems without end. For four days the balance was even. Then, as Spenser says, 'I over-wrestled my strong enemy.'
Ever since I have been slowly gathering strength; and yesterday took my first journey to my sister's room, who has been with me from the beginning, and no small comfort to me.
"One consequence of my sickness you will not be sorry for, - its stopping my sudden return to Georgia. For the Doctor tells me, to undertake a voyage now would be certain death. Some reasons for his not going immediately my brother will mention to you in person.
"Before I was taken ill, my brother set out for Tiverton; but came back instead of proceeding on his journey; stayed a week with me; and then went with Mr. Kinchin to Manchester.
"For some days that I continued mending, I was greatly tormented with the tooth-ache. One day I prayed that the pain might be suspended; and it was for all that day.
"I had Dr. Fruin to my sister, taken ill. We communicated almost every day."
Tues., March 28th. I was greatly moved in reading the Life of Mr.
Halyburton.
Mon., April 3rd. By my brother's advice, I resolved to give up my Secretary's place; and to-day wrote my letter of resignation.
Sat., April 8th. I got abroad to the evening prayers at Christ-church; and received comfort from the lessons and anthem.
Wed., April 12th. I received Mr. Oglethorpe's answer to my letter of resignation; wherein he offered, if I would keep my place, to get it supplied in my absence by a deputy.
Sat., April 15th. Drs. Fruin and Mancron called, and forbade my voyage. Both as physicians and friends they advised me not to go, but stay at College, since I might, as senior Master, expect offices and preferment.
Wed., April 19th. I came up to town, to take my leave of Mr.
Oglethorpe, who received me with his accustomed kindness. The next day I had the satisfaction of once more meeting that man of God, Peter
Bohler.
Mon., April 24th. I took a ride to Blendon. In the afternoon we made
Mr. Piers a visit; and, returning, found Mr. Broughton and my brother at Blendon.
Tues., April 25th. Soon after five, as we were met in our little chapel, Mrs. Delamotte came to us. We sang, and fell into a dispute whether conversion was gradual or instantaneous. My brother was very positive for the latter, and very shocking; mentioned some late instances of gross sinners believing in a moment. I was much offended at his worse than unedifying discourse. Mrs. Delamotte left us abruptly. I stayed, and insisted, a man need not know when first he had faith. His obstinacy in favouring the contrary opinion drove me at last out of the room. Mr. Broughton was only not so much scandalized as myself. After dinner, he and my brother returned to town. I stayed behind, and read them the Life of Mr. Halyburton: one instance, but only one, of instantaneous conversion.
Wed., April 26th. I passed the day at Mr. Piers's, in singing, and reading, and mutual encouragement. In the evening we finished
Halyburton. The meltingness it occasioned in me, (like those before,) soon passed away as a morning cloud. Next morning I returned to London.
Fri., April 28th. No sooner was I got to James Hutton's, having removed my things thither from his father's, than the pain in my side returned, and with that my fever. Having disappointed God in his last visitation, he has now again brought me to the bed of sickness.
Towards told-night I received some relief by bleeding. In the morning
Dr. Cockburn came to see me; and a better physician, Peter Bohler, whom God had detained in England for my good. He stood by my bedside, and prayed over me, that now at least I might see the divine intention, in this and my late illness. I immediately thought it might he that I should again consider Bohler's doctrine of faith; examine myself whether I was in the faith; and if I was not, never cease seeking and longing after it, till I attained it.
May 1 - August 31, 1738
Mon., May 1st. Mr. Piers called to see me. I exhorted him to labour after that faith which he thinks I have, and I know I have not. After receiving the sacrament, I felt a small anticipation of peace, and said, "Now I have demonstration against the Moravian doctrine that a man cannot have peace without assurance of his pardon. I now have peace, yet cannot say of a surety that my sins are forgiven." The next and several times after that I received the sacrament, I had not so much as bare attention, God no longer trusting me with comfort, which I should immediately turn against himself.
For some days following I felt a faint longing for faith; and could pray for nothing else. My desires were quickened by a letter of Mr.
Edmunds, seeking Christ as in an agony.
Sat., May 6th. God still kept up the little spark of desire, which he himself had enkindled in me; and I seemed determined to speak of, and wish for, nothing but faith in Christ. Yet could not this preserve me from sin; which I this day ran into with my eyes open: so that after ten years' vain struggling, I own and feel it absolutely unconquerable. By bearing witness to the truth before Miss Delamotte, Mr. Baldwyn, and others, I found my desires of apprehending Christ increased.
Thur., May 11th. I was just going to remove to old Mr. Hutton's, when God sent Mr. Bray to me, a poor ignorant mechanic, who knows nothing but Christ; yet by knowing him, knows and discerns all things.
Some time ago I had taken leave of Peter Bohler, confessed my unbelief and want of forgiveness, but declared my firm persuasion that I should receive the atonement before I died. His answer was, "Be it unto thee according to thy faith."
Mr. Bray is now to supply Bohler's place. We prayed together for faith.
I was quite overpowered and melted into tears, and hereby induced to think it was God's will that I should go to his house, and not to Mr.
Hutton's. He was of the same judgment. Accordingly I was carried thither in a chair.
His sister I found in earnest pursuit of Christ; his wife well inclined to conversion. I had not been here long, when Mr. Broughton called. I hoped to find him altered like myself; but, alas! his time is not yet come. As to M. Turner, he gave her up; "but for you, M. Bray," said he, "I hope you are still in your senses, and not run mad after a faith which must be felt." He went on contradicting and blaspheming. I thought it my duty to withstand him, and to confess my want of faith. "God help you, poor man," he replied: "if I could think you have not faith, I am sure it would drive me to despair." I put all my hopes of ever attaining it, or eternal salvation, upon the truth of this assertion, "I have not now the faith of the Gospel."
As soon as he left us, Mr. Bray read me many comfortable scriptures, which greatly strengthened my desire; so that I was persuaded I should not leave his house, before I believed with my heart unto righteousness.
Fri., May 12th. I waked in the same blessed temper, hungry and thirsty. after God. I began Isaiah, and seemed to see that to me were the promises made, and would be fulfilled, for that Christ loved me. I found myself more desirous, more assured I should believe. This day (and indeed my whole time) I spent in discoursing on faith, either with those that had it, or those that sought it; in reading the Scripture, and in prayer.
I was much moved at the sight of Mr. Ainsworth, a man of great learning, above seventy, who, like old Simeon, was waiting to see the Lord's salvation, that he might depart in peace. His tears, and vehemence, and childlike simplicity, showed him upon the entrance of the kingdom of heaven. In the afternoon I read Isaiah with Mr.
Edmunds: saw him full of promises, and that they belonged to me. In the midst of our reading, Miss Claggetts came, and asked that they might hear us. We were all much encouraged to pursue the glorious prize held out to us by the evangelical Prophet.
When the company was gone, I joined with Mr. Bray in prayer and the Scripture, and was so greatly affected, that I almost thought Christ was coming that moment. I concluded the night with private vehement prayer.
Sat., May 13th. I waked without Christ; yet still desirous of finding him. Soon after W. Delamotte came, and read me the 68th Psalm, strangely full of comfortable promises. Toward noon I was enabled to pray with desire and hope, and to lay claim to the promises in general.
The afternoon I spent with my friends, in mutual exhortation to wait patiently for the Lord in prayer and reading. At night my brother came, exceeding heavy. I forced him (as he had often forced me) to sing an hymn to Christ, and almost thought He would come while we were singing: assured He would come quickly. At night I received much light and comfort from the Scriptures.
Sun., May 14th. The beginning of the day I was very heavy, weary, and unable to pray; but the desire soon returned, and I found much comfort both in prayer and in the word, my eyes being opened more and more to discern and lay hold on the promises. I longed to find
Christ, that I might show him to all mankind; that I might praise, that I might love him.
Several persons called to-day, and were convinced of unbelief. Some of them afterwards went to Mr. Broughton, and were soon made as easy as Satan and their own hearts could wish.
Mon., May 15th. I finished Halyburton's Life with Miss Claggetts, &c. I found comfort in the 102nd Psalm.
Tues., May 16th. I waked weary, faint, and heartless. My brother Hall coming to see me, I urged him to examine himself, whether he was in the faith. Two questions decided the matter: "Are you sure that is right?" "Yes." "Are you as sure of the things unseen; of Christ being in you of a truth?" "Yes; infinitely surer." In the afternoon I seemed deeply sensible of my misery, in being without Christ.
Wed., May 17th. I experienced the power of Christ rescuing me in temptation. To-day I first saw Luther on the Galatians, which Mr.
Holland had accidentally lit upon. We began, and found him nobly full of faith. My friend, in hearing him, was so affected, as to breathe out sighs and groans unutterable. I marvelled that we were so soon and so entirely removed from him that called us into the grace of Christ, unto another Gospel. Who would believe our Church had been founded on this important article of justification by faith alone? I am astonished I should ever think this a new doctrine; especially while our Articles and Homilies stand unrepealed, and the key of knowledge is not yet taken away.
From this time I endeavoured to ground as many of our friends as came in this fundamental truth, salvation by faith alone, not an idle, dead faith, but a faith which works by love, and is necessarily productive of all good works and all holiness.
I spent some hours this evening in private with Martin Luther, who was greatly blessed to me, especially his conclusion of the 2nd chapter. I laboured, waited, and prayed to feel "who loved me, and gave himself for the." When nature, near exhausted, forced me to bed, I opened the book upon, "For he will finish the work, and cut it short in righteousness, because a short work will the Lord make upon earth."
After this comfortable assurance that He would come, and would not tarry, I slept in peace.
Thur., May 18th. In the approach of a temptation, I looked up to Christ, and confessed my helplessness. The temptation was immediately beat down, and continually kept off by a power not my own. About midnight I was waked by the return of my pleurisy. I felt great pain and straitness at my heart; but found immediate relief by bleeding. I had some discourse with Mr. Bray; thought myself willing to die the next moment, if I might but believe this; but was sure I could not die, till I did believe. I earnestly desired it.
Fri., May 19th. At five this morning the pain and difficulty in breathing returned. The Surgeon was sent for; but I fell asleep before he could bleed me a second time. I was easier all day, after taking Dr.
Cockburn's medicines. I had not much desire. I received the sacrament; but not Christ. At seven Mrs. Turner came, and told me, I should not rise from that bed till I believed. I believed her saying, and asked, "Has God then bestowed faith upon you?" "Yes, he has." "Why, have you peace with God?" "Yes, perfect peace." "And do you love Christ above all things?" "I do, above all things incomparably." "Then you are willing to die?" "I am; and would be glad to die this moment; for I know all my sins are blotted out; the handwriting that was against me is taken out of the way, and nailed to his cross. He has saved me by his death; he has washed me with his blood; he has hid me in his wounds. I have peace in Him, and rejoice with joy unspeakable, and full of glory."
Her answers were so full to these and the most searching questions I could ask, that I had no doubt of her having received the atonement; and waited for it myself with a more assured hope. Feeling an anticipation of joy upon her account, and thanking Christ as I could, I looked for him all night with prayers and sighs and unceasing desires.
Sat., May 20th. I waked much disappointed, and continued all day in great dejection, which the sacrament did not in the least abate.
Nevertheless God would not suffer me to doubt the truth of his promises. Mr. Bray, too, seemed troubled at my not yet believing, and complained of his uneasiness and want of patience. "But so it is with me," says he: when my faith begins to fail, God gives me some sign to support it." He then opened a Testament, and read the first words that presented, Matt. 9:1: "And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city. And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus, seeing their faith, said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. And, behold, certain of the scribes and Pharisees said within themselves, This man blasphemeth. And Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts? For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee, or to say, Arise and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then saith he to the sick of the palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine own house. And he arose, and departed to his house. And when the multitude saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto man."
It was a long while before he could read this through, for tears of joy: and I saw herein, and firmly believed, that his faith would be available for the healing of me. THE DAY OF PENTECOST.
Sun., May 21st, 1738. I waked in hope and expectation of His coming.
At nine my brother and some friends came, and sang an hymn to the Holy Ghost. My comfort and hope were hereby increased. In about half-an-hour they went: I betook myself to prayer; the substance as follows: - "Oh Jesus, thou hast said, 'I will come unto you;' thou hast said, 'I will send the Comforter unto you; thou hast said, 'My Father and I will come unto you, and make our abode with you.' Thou art God who canst not lie; I wholly rely upon thy most true promise: accomplish it in thy time and manner." Having said this, I was composing myself to sleep, in quietness and peace, when I heard one come in Mrs.
Musgrave, I thought, by the voice) and say, "In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, arise, and believe, and thou shalt be healed of all thy infirmities." I wondered how it should enter into her head to speak in that manner. The words struck me to the heart. I sighed, and said within myself, "O that Christ would but speak thus to me from Christ of my recovery, soul and body. She returned home repeating with all joy and triumph, "I believe, I believe:" yet her heart failed her, and she durst not say the words to me that night.
On Sunday morning she took Mr. Bray aside, burst into tears, and informed him of the matter; objecting she was a poor weak sinful creature, and should she go to a Minister? She could not do it; nor rest till she did. He asked whether she had ever found herself so before.
"No, never." "Why, then," said he, "go. Remember Jonah. You declare promises, not threatenings. Go in the name of the Lord. Fear not your own weakness. Speak the words: Christ will do the work. Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hath he ordained strength."
They prayed together, and she then went up, but durst not come in till she had prayed again by herself. About six minutes after she had left him, he found and felt, while she was speaking the words, that Christ was with us. I never heard words uttered with like solemnity. The sound of her voice was entirely changed into that of Mrs. Musgrave. (If I can be sure of anything sensible.) I rose and looked into the Scripture. The words that first presented were, "And now, Lord, what is my hope truly my hope is even in thee." I then cast down my eye, and met, "He hath put a new song in my mouth, even a thanksgiving unto our God. Many shall see it, and fear, and shall put their trust in the Lord." Afterwards I opened upon Isaiah 40:1: "Comfort ye, comfort ye, my people, saith your God: speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned; for she hath received of the Lord's hand double for all her sin."
I now found myself at peace with God, and rejoiced in hope of loving
Christ. My temper for the rest of the day was, mistrust of my own great, but before unknown, weakness. I saw that by faith I stood; by the continual support of faith, which kept me from falling, though of myself I am ever sinking into sin. I went to bed still sensible of my own weakness, (I humbly hope to be more and more so,) yet confident of Christ's protection.
Mon., May 22nd. Under his protection I waked next morning, and rejoiced in reading the 107th Psalm, so nobly describing what God had done for my soul. I fell asleep again, and waked out of a dream that I was fighting with two devils; had one under my feet; the other faced me some time, but faded, and sunk, and vanished away, upon my telling him I belonged to Christ.
To-day I saw him chiefly as my King, and found him in his power: but saw little of the love of Christ crucified, or of my sins past: though more, I humbly hope, of my own weakness and his strength. I had many evil thoughts darted into my mind, but I rejected them immediately yet not I). At noon I rose, continually fainting, nevertheless upheld. I was greatly strengthened by Isaiah 43, which God directed me to. "But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O
Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour."
My brother coming, we joined in intercession for him. In the midst of prayer, I almost believed the Holy Ghost was coming upon him. In the evening we sang and prayed again. I found myself very weak in body, but thought I ought to pray for my friends, being the only Priest among them. I kneeled down, and was immediately strengthened, both mind and body. The enemy did not lose such an opportunity of tempting me to pride: but, God be praised, my strength did I ascribe unto Him. I was often since assisted to pray readily and earnestly, without a form.
Not unto me, O Lord, not unto me, but to thy name be the glory!
An old friend called to see me, under great apprehensions that I was running mad. His fears were not a little increased by my telling him the prayer of faith had healed me when sick at Oxford. "He looked to see the rays of light about my head," he said, and more to that purpose. I begged him, for his own sake, not to pass sentence till he had his full evidence concerning me. This he could not promise, but faintly prayed me to flee from London, and, in despair of me, took his leave.
It was morning before I could get to sleep. Many motions of pride arose, and were continually beaten down by Christ my King. The devil also tempted me to impatience through pain; but God turned it into an occasion of resignation.
Tues., May 23rd. I waked under the protection of Christ, and gave myself up, soul and body, to him. At nine I began an hymn upon my conversion, but was persuaded to break off, for fear of pride. Mr. Bray coming, encouraged me to proceed in spite of Satan. I prayed Christ to stand by me, and finished the hymn. Upon my afterwards showing it to Mr. Bray, the devil threw in a fiery dart, suggesting, that it was wrong, and I had displeased God. My heart sunk within me; when, casting my eye upon a Prayer-book, I met with an answer for him.
"Why boastest thou thyself, thou tyrant, that thou canst do mischief?"
Upon this, I clearly discerned it was a device of the enemy to keep back glory from God. And it is most usual with him to preach humility, when speaking will endanger his kingdom, or do honour to Christ.
Least of all would he have us tell what things God has done for our souls, so tenderly does he guard us from pride. But God has showed me, he can defend me from it, while speaking for him. In his name therefore, and through his strength, I will perform my vows unto the Lord, of not hiding his righteousness within my heart, if it should ever please him to plant it there.
Throughout this day he has kept up in me a constant sense of my own weakness. At night I was tempted to think the reason of my believing before others was, my sincerity. I rejected the thought with horror, and remained more than conqueror, through Him that loved me.
Wed., May 24th. Being to receive the sacrament to-day, I was assaulted by the fear of my old accustomed deadness; but soon recovered my confidence in Christ, that he would give me so much sense of his love now, as he saw good for me. I received without any sensible devotion, much as I used to be, only that I was afterwards perfectly calm and satisfied, Without doubt, fear, or scruple. Among our communicants was Mrs. Pratt, who had been with me the night before, and related her receiving Christ in a dream, when under great trouble. His words to her were, "Be of good cheer, thy prayer is heard." From that time to this, being six years, she has enjoyed perfect peace. Most of Saturday night she had spent in intercession for me; as on Sunday morning I experienced.
I was much pleased to-day at the sight of Mr. Ainsworth, a little child, full of grief, and fears, and love. At our repeating the line of the hymn, "Now descend, and shake the earth," he fell down as in an agony. I found a general delight in their singing, but little attention: yet was not disquieted.
We passed the afternoon in prayer, singing, and conference. For one half hour I was with Miss Delamotte; now unconvinced, and full of dispute. I bore my testimony with plainness and confidence, declaring what God had done for my soul. Not hurt, but strengthened hereby.
From her I went to Miss Claggetts; young women of a better and more childlike spirit, who calmly and confidently looked for the promises. I was farther comforted by an excellent letter from my namesake in Georgia, persecuted for Christ's sake; on the highest step, I trust, of the legal state.
At eight I prayed by myself for love; with some feeling, and assurance of feeling more. Towards ten, my brother was brought in triumph by a troop of our friends, and declared, "I believe." We sang the hymn with great joy, and parted with prayer. At midnight I gave myself up to Christ; assured I was safe, sleeping or waking. Had continual experience of his power to overrule all temptation; and confessed, with joy and surprise, that he was able to do exceeding abundantly for me, above what I can ask or think.
Thur., May 25th. I commended myself to Christ, my Prophet, Priest, and King. Miss D. came in a better mind. Before communicating, I left it to Christ, whether, or in what measure, he would please to manifest himself to me, in this breaking of bread. I had no particular attention to the prayers: but in the prayer of consecration I saw, by the eye of faith, or rather, had a glimpse of, Christ's broken, mangled body, as taking down from the cross. Still I could not observe the prayer, but only repeat with tears, "O love, love!" At the same time, I felt great 135 peace and joy; and assurance of feeling more, when it is best.
Soon after I was a little cast down, by feeling some temptation, and foreseeing more; but God lifted me up by his word. "Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.
When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." (Isai. xliii.) This promise was fulfilled in me when under frequent motions of sin: I looked up to Christ, and found them beaten down continually.
Fri., May 26th. We joined this morning in supplication for the poor malefactors, while passing to execution; and in the sacrament commended their souls to Christ. The great comfort we found therein made us confidently hope some of them were received as the penitent thief at the last hour. I was much refreshed soon after by Miss
Delamotte, who, by the mercy of Christ, is brought back again, and more athirst after him than ever. I dined with great liberty of spirit, being amazed to find my old enemy, intemperance, so suddenly subdued, that I have almost forgot I was ever in bondage to him. In the evening I broke through my own great unwillingness, and at last preached faith in Christ to an accidental visitant.
Sat., May 27th. I felt a motion of anger, from a trifling disappointment; but it was no sooner felt than conquered. I received the sacrament: still no sensible love; but comfort. A gentlewoman, who has been long under the law, calling to see me, I thought, as she lived in the midst of opposers, no good could be done by speaking. Yet was I overruled to preach the Gospel. She seemed convinced and comforted. After she was gone, I was much assisted to intercede for her, and for poor Mr.
Broughton, who continues the very life of all those that oppose the faith. Two or three others calling were reproved of sin by the holy
Spirit of God. Miss Claggetts seemed on the very border of Canaan; being fully convinced of righteousness also, of Christ's imputed righteousness; and looking to receive it every moment as by promise theirs.
Trinity Sunday, May 28th. I rose in great heaviness, which neither private nor joint prayer could remove. At last I betook myself to intercession for my relations, and was greatly helped and enlarged herein; particularly in prayer for a most profligate sinner. I spent the morning with James Hutton, in prayer, and singing, and rejoicing. In the afternoon my brother came, and, after a short prayer for success upon our ministry, set out for Tiverton. I then began writing my first sermon in the name of Christ my Prophet.
To-day Mrs. Bray related to me the manner of her receiving faith in public prayers, and the great conflicts she has since had with the enemy. For some days he so darkened the work of God, that though her eye of faith had been opened to see herself encompassed with the blood of Christ, yet still he suggested to her that she did not believe, because she had not the joy which others had. She was just overpowered by his devices, when in great heaviness she opened upon, "Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief." This stayed her for a time: but the tempter still pursued, and in the very words he had used to shake my brother's faith. She went to public prayer, and was fervent throughout the whole. Toward the conclusion she saw as it were Satan under her feet; and came home in all the triumph of faith.
After dinner Miss Claggett and other friends came. I thought some would be now gathered into the fold, and was much assisted to pray. I rose, and saw the younger Miss Claggett under the work of God. I asked, urged, believed that she believed. She thought so too, but was afraid to confess it. While she stood trembling and in tears, I consulted the oracle for her, and met with Isai. 30:18: "And therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious unto you; and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgement; blessed are all they that wait for him. For the people shall dwell in Sion at Jerusalem; thou shalt weep no more: he will be very gracious to thee, at the voice of thy cry; when he shall hear it, he will answer thee: She then opened the book on 2 Cor. 5:11: "Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." She read so far, and gave me the book to read on: "And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; to wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him."
Mr. Holland then read, "Stand fast in the liberty where with Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage." She now openly professed her faith, and increased in confidence every moment. We joined in hearty thanks to God for his unspeakable gift.
Just before parting, she opened the book upon Luke 8:39: "Return to thine own house, and show how great things God hath done unto thee." This success was followed with inward trials; but at the same time I experienced the superior power of Christ.
Wed., May 31st. To-day God enabled me, in spite of the devil and my own heart, to send Mr. Wells a plain simple account of what God hath done for my soul.
THURSDAY, June 1st, 1738. I was troubled to-day, that I could not pray, being utterly dead at the sacrament.
Fri., June 2nd. I was still unable to pray; still dead in communicating; full of a cowardly desire of death.
Sat., June 3rd. My deadness continued, and the next day increased. I rose exceeding heavy and averse to prayer; so that I almost resolved not to go to church; which I had not been able to do, till within these two or three days past. When I did go, the prayers and sacrament were exceeding grievous to me; and I could not help asking myself, "Where is the difference between what I am now, and what I was before believing?" I immediately answered, "That the darkness was not like the former darkness, because I was satisfied there was no guilt in it; because I was assured it would be dispersed; and because, though I could not find I loved God, or feel that he loved me, yet I did and would believe he loved me notwithstanding."
I returned home, and lay down with the same load upon me. This Mr.
Ingham's coming could not alleviate. They sung, but I had no heart to join; much less in public prayers. In the evening Mr. Brown, Holland, and others called. I was very averse to coming among them, but forced myself to it, and spent two or three hours in singing, reading, and prayer. This exercise a little revived me; and I found myself much assisted to pray.
We asked particularly, that, if it was the will of God, some one might now receive the atonement. While I was yet speaking the words, Mr.
Brown found power to believe. He rose and told me, my prayer was heard, and answered in him. At the same time Mr. Burton opened the Bible upon Col. 1:26: "Even the mystery which has been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints: to whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."
We were all full of joy and thanksgiving. Before we parted, I prayed with Mr. Brown, and praised God, to the great confirmation of my faith. The weight was quite taken off. I found power to pray with great earnestness, and rejoiced in my trials having continued so long, to show me that it is then the best time to labour for our neighbour, when we are most cast down, and most unable to help ourselves.
Mon., June 5th. I waked thankful, with power to pray and praise. I had peace at the sacrament, and some attention in public prayer. In the afternoon I met Mrs. Sims, with Mr. and Mrs. Burton, at Islington. He told me God had given him faith, while I was praying last night; but he thought it would do hurt to declare it then. Upon finding his heart burn within him, he desired God would show him some token of his faith, and immediately opened on, "Let there be light, and there was light." We rejoiced together in prayer and singing; and left the rest of the company much stirred up to wait for the same unspeakable gift.
Tues., June 6th. In the evening I read Luther, as usual, to a large company of our friends. Mr. Burton was greatly affected. My inward temptations are, in a manner, uninterrupted. I never knew the energy of sin, till now that I experience the superior strength of Christ.
Wed., June 7th. I found myself this morning under my Father's protection; and reading Matt. 7, "Ask, and ye shall receive," I asked some sense of his love in the sacrament. It was there given me to believe assuredly that God loved me, even when I could have no sense of it. Some imperfect perception of his love I had, and was strengthened to hope against hope, after communicating.
I went to Mrs. Sims, and passed the afternoon in singing and reading the promises. Miss Claggetts, Mr. Chapman, Verding, and others, dropped in, as by accident. We all went to public prayers; whence we again returned, contrary to my intention, to Mr. Sims. We joined in pleading the promises, and asking some token for good. I rose in confidence of our prayer being heard; and at the same time Mr.
Verding declared, with great simplicity and astonishment, that he had seen as it were a whole army rushing by him, and bearing the broken body of Christ. He found himself quite overpowered at the sight; was all in a cold sweat. While he spoke, my heart bore witness to the work of God in his; and I felt myself affected as on Whitsunday; was assured it was Christ; said the written word would bear witness with the personal, and opened it for a sign upon Isai. 45:24, 25: "Surely shall one say, In the Lord have I righteousness and strength: even to him shall men come, and all that are incensed against him shall be ashamed. In the Lord shall all the seed of Israel be justified, and shall glory." I then read, "Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is none else. I have sworn by myself, the word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return, that unto me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear." And then, 1 Peter 1:3, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ, which, according to his abundant mercy, hath begotten us again unto a lively hope, by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation." After this he grew visibly in the faith, and we rejoiced and gave God thanks for the consolation. He appeared a very child; owned he feared nothing so much as offending his Father; was ready to die that moment. In the beginning of prayer he could hardly persuade himself to kneel down, not thinking he could find any benefit; so poor, so sinful a creature, what should he pray for?
Returning home in triumph, I found Dr. Byrom; and, in defiance of the tempter, simply told him the great things Jesus had done for me and many others. This drew on a full explanation of the doctrine of faith, which he received with wonderful readiness. Toward midnight I slept in peace.
Thur., June 8th. I had the satisfaction of hearing Mr. Sparks confess himself convinced now, that he is under the law, not under grace. In public prayer it pleased the Lord to melt me into humility and love.
At three I took coach for Blendon, with Mr. Bray; and had much talk with a lady about the fall, and faith in Christ. She openly maintained the merit of good works. I would all who oppose the righteousness of faith were so ingenuous: then would they no longer seek it as it were by the works of the law.
Before seven we came to Eltham. In riding thence to Blendon, I was full of delight, and seemed in new heavens and a new earth. We prayed, and sang, and shouted all the way. We found Miss Betsy and Hetty at home, and prayed that this day salvation might come to this house. In the lesson were those words, "This is the accepted time, this is the day of salvation."
Fri., June 9th. I prayed with fervour for the family. The second lesson was blind Bartimeus. In riding to Bexley, with Mr. Piers, I spake of my experience in simplicity and confidence and found him very ready to receive the faith. We spent the day in the same manner, Mr. Bray relating the inward workings of God upon his soul, and I the great things he had lately done for me, and our friends at London. He listened eagerly to all that was said, not making the least objection, but confessing it was what he had never experienced. We walked, and sang, and prayed in the garden. He was greatly moved, and testified his full conviction, and desire of finding Christ. "But I must first," said he, "prepare myself by long exercise of prayer and good works."
At night we joined in prayer for Hetty. Never did I pray with greater earnestness, expecting an immediate answer; and being much disappointed at not finding it, I consulted the Scripture, and met with Jehu's words to his men, "Let none escape out of your hands." Then, "I trust that I shall come shortly." Still I was in great heaviness for her, and could not sleep till morning. Waking full of desire for her conversion, those words were brought to my remembrance, "The Spirit and the bride say, Come; and let him that heareth say, Come; and let him that is athirst come: and whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely. At this instant came a flash of lightning, then thunder, then violent rain. I accepted it as a sign that the skies would soon pour down righteousness.
Yesterday (the devil of secrecy being expelled) Miss Betsy plainly informed me, that, after her last receiving the sacrament, she heard a voice, "Go thy way, thy sins are forgiven thee," and she was filled thereby with joy unspeakable. She said within herself, "Now I do indeed feed upon Christ in my heart by faith," and continued all day in the spirit of triumph and exultation. All her life, she thought, would be too little to thank God for that day. Yet even after this it was, that the enemy got so great advantage over her, in making her oppose the truth with such fierceness. For many days she did not know that she had in herself demonstration of that she denied. But after we had prayed that God would clear up his own work, the darkness of faith dispersed, and those fears that her conversion was not real, by little and little, were all done away.
Sat., June 10th. In the morning lesson was that glorious description of the power of faith: "Jesus answering said unto them, Have faith in God.
For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore
I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." We pleaded this promise in behalf of our seeking friends, particularly Hetty and Mr.
Piers. He came with his wife. The day before our coming he had been led to read the Homily on Justification, which convinced him that in him dwelt no good thing. Now he likewise saw, that the thoughts of his heart were only evil continually, forasmuch as whatsoever is not of faith is sin.
He asked God to give him some comfort, and found it in Luke 5:23, &c.: "Whether is it easier to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee, or to say, Rise up and walk? But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power upon earth to forgive sins, (he saith unto the sick of the palsy,) I say unto thee, Arise, and take up thy bed, and go unto thine own house. And immediately he rose up before them, and took up that whereon he lay, and departed to his own house, glorifying God. And they were all amazed, and they glorified God, and were filled with fear, saying, We have seen strange things to-day."
This was the very miracle, I told him, from which God had shown his intention to heal me; and it was a sign of the like to be done by him.
Mr. Bray moved for retiring to prayer. We prayed after God, again and again, and asked him, whether he believed Christ could just now manifest himself to his soul. He answered, "Yes." We read him the promise made to the prayer of faith. Mr. Bray bade me speak some promise to him authoritatively, and he should find Christ make it good.
I had not faith to do it. He made me pray again, and then read Psalm