5. ENOUGH: Jesus’ Better Answer

5. ENOUGH: Jesus’ Better Answer

5

ENOUGH: Jesus’ Better Answer

I didn’t really know who I was. And I didn’t really care either. And I was like, “Wait, why isn’t this working out?” And it wasn’t until I realized, “Oh, that is a Jesus-sized hole I cannot fill on my own” that I knew who I was.

Rebekah

I think I have a unique point of view, growing up as a Christian and being queer. Am I really enough if I am not accepted for who I am? I do believe God loves me, and I feel I am enough. But sometimes it seems like other Christians don’t believe that.

Dante

God’s transformation of our identity usually takes a lifetime. But sometimes the Holy Spirit changes it—and us—in an instant.

Just ask seventeen-year-old Sebastian.

Until two years ago, Sebastian’s view of himself orbited around two powerful forces: friends and drugs. Recalling middle school and early high school during my (Kara’s) first interview with him, Sebastian summarized, “Weed was a big part of my life.”

Sebastian’s dad was verbally (and occasionally physically) abusive, constantly berating him and redoing anything he tried to do around the house. Never feeling like he measured up at home, Sebastian gave up trying at school, and his grades subsequently plunged.

Most nights Sebastian came home around 2 a.m. after hanging out with friends. Often stoned and needing to unwind, he would turn on the TV and channel surf.

One early morning, he inexplicably flipped to a station playing Christian preaching that strangely hit home. Sebastian thought to himself, I don’t know why, but I feel really connected to this message. I need to change. I need Jesus. Sitting alone in front of the glowing screen, Sebastian decided to follow Jesus and prayed the TV preacher’s prayer.

Jesus’ transformation of Sebastian’s life was immediate. Before going to bed that night, Sebastian gathered all his marijuana and threw it in the trash.

In place of weed grew a fresh passion for Jesus’ teachings and a new eagerness to serve at a local church. Googling to find churches nearby, Sebastian messaged one that seemed volunteer-friendly and received a response the next day. He’s now been part of that church for two years.

His relationship with God and his church family has changed his identity. So much so that when I asked him to describe himself in our first interview, he used two words: “helper” and “giver.”

Sebastian further unpacked his sense of himself: “Whether it’s through physically lifting something heavy at church, or spiritually getting to sit and talk with someone and pray with them, I love to give back. Even at night, I don’t put my phone on silent just in case a friend or someone from church needs to talk. I make sure people know that I will always help them.”

Sebastian is currently a homeschool junior and a volunteer church intern, which he views as divine preparation for God’s call to long-term vocational ministry. Every week as he works with a team to plan, set up, and lead his church’s worship services and youth group, Sebastian gains a clearer sense of who he is and how the Holy Spirit wants to uniquely work through him to impact others.

The Christ-Centered Answer in One Word: ENOUGH

What was it that prompted Sebastian’s 2 a.m. identity transformation from stoner to servant? What helps Sebastian and other teenagers let go of the lies that they should be defined by others, don’t measure up, and are no more than their personal brand?

To answer those questions, our research team pored over Sebastian’s and other students’ interviews, seeking to understand the defining milestones in their identity journeys. In addition, we explored a host of Christ-centered messages that could be game changing in teenagers’ search for answers to the big question of identity.

In the end, we landed on one theologically rich word that helps young people say a stronger everyday “Yes” to Jesus.

Enough.

Enough.

Enough.

In an era that fears and often expects scarcity, Jesus offers abundance. And through that abundance, we’re ENOUGH because of Jesus.

We’re ENOUGH Because of Jesus: John 6:1–15

While we have a front-row seat to Jesus’ abundance throughout the Gospels, one passage in particular has helped me (Kara) rest my identity in God’s ENOUGH-ness. Other than Jesus’ resurrection, the miracle detailed in John 6:1–15 is the only miracle in all four Gospels.

The setting is springtime, shortly before the Passover, and having seen “the signs he had performed by healing the sick” (v. 2), a large crowd pursues Jesus near the Sea of Galilee. Concerned about the crowd’s hunger, Jesus the healer now becomes Jesus the host.

Bringing forward a young person with five (small) barley loaves and two (likely also small) fish, Andrew asks (perhaps somewhat sarcastically), “But how far will they go among so many?” (v. 9).

But this disciple’s lack of imagination doesn’t stop Jesus from using the minuscule to feed the masses. Despite the meager available protein and carbs, Jesus gives thanks and starts distributing bread and fish to the ten to fifteen thousand gathered.

Jesus offers not just a bite. Not merely a snack. But so much bread and fish that each crowd member receives “as much as they wanted” (v. 11).

Because We Are Made in God’s Image, Jesus Declares Us ENOUGH

Jesus could have provided without working through what the disciples and young person scrounged up. He could have turned the nearest rocks into rolls. He could have converted the nearest foliage into fruit. Or he could have snapped his fingers (think Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War, but for nobler purposes) and presented a sumptuous Mediterranean meal of bread, cheese, and olives (anyone else getting hungry?).

My faith hasn’t just impacted my identity; it’s shaped it completely. Regardless of what I do, my faith is the driving force in my life. —Arthur

But Jesus chooses to work through his followers. Then and now, Jesus makes what we have, and who we are, ENOUGH. He turns our not-enough into ENOUGH.

Our potential to change from not-enough to ENOUGH lies in our being created in God’s image. We humans are the only part of creation made in the image of God, which instills in us a special potential relationship not just with God but with one another.

Just as our Triune God is a community of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we best experience our ENOUGH-ness in community. Somewhat blind to God’s potential flowing through us, we often realize that Jesus makes us ENOUGH as we draw out the best in one another. No one person on their own was sufficient in John 6; the young person plus Andrew (who introduced the young person to Jesus) plus the disciples who handed out food plus everyone who passed food to one another—all of these people together made the loaves and fish ENOUGH. As theologian and minister Marva Dawn highlights, “This sense of being made in God’s image calls us all constantly to look for it in others and to do what we can to help them acknowledge it.” Together, we celebrate and call out the ENOUGH-ness Jesus offers.

Jesus Makes Us (More Than) ENOUGH

A child offering a handful of food to feed thousands feels like a joke. Parents would certainly post it on Facebook and label it #cute.

But Jesus takes the child seriously. Jesus makes the handful ENOUGH.

Actually, that’s not quite right. Jesus makes what we have, and who we are, more than ENOUGH. Even after everyone had eaten their fill, the disciples loaded twelve baskets with leftover pieces of bread (John 6:13). They ended up with exponentially more than what they started with.

Jesus’ ENOUGH-Ness Flows from Young People to All Generations

Here’s more good news for teenagers across history: Jesus makes what a young person offers more than ENOUGH. Unlike the other three Gospels, which highlight kids regularly, John is otherwise absent of children. No baby Jesus, no twelve-year-old Jesus, no children healed, no kids in the center of conversation, and not a single other story about children.

Only one young person with some bread and small fish. We don’t know from the text if it’s a boy or a girl or even their age, but we do know that Jesus works through them. In the presence of Jesus, this young person was affirmed as someone worthy of being there that day. Affirmed as a person with dignity and value. Affirmed as a tunnel through which the gifts of the Holy Spirit could reach others. Someone who was truly ENOUGH. It’s just as true now as it was in the first century: Jesus’ generosity flows through a young person and spreads to all generations.

Big Question

Focus

Description

Current Answers

Christ-Centered Answer

Who am I?

Identity

Our view of ourselves

I’m ENOUGH because of Jesus.

ENOUGH Gets Practical—Conversations and Connections

So after the crowd sees Jesus turn not-enough into ENOUGH, they understand perfectly who Jesus is and who that makes them, right?

Not even close.

Thanks to Jesus’ miracle, they now view him as a prophet. The crowd intends to force him to be their king, not realizing that the path of Jesus’ kingdom leads through the crucifixion.

Of course, Jesus’ generosity and ENOUGH-ness raises an inevitable question: If Jesus makes what we have and who we are ENOUGH, why is there ever any lack—of food, money, love, or really anything? It’s a good and fair question. And we can’t give a definitive answer. Sometimes human sin—personal, collective, or systemic—blocks God’s provision. Often circumstances out of human control (such as disease, natural disasters, and infertile land) interfere with God’s ideal plan. At times, it’s tough to even pinpoint the cause. Whatever the reason for the shortfall, often God overcomes that deficit by providing through others—just like in the first century when Jesus multiplied a young person’s meal to feed the masses. In fact, in many cases the Holy Spirit uses the church to provide for those who are in need as a tangible witness to God’s ENOUGH-ness.

If even the first-century followers who experienced Jesus in person failed to fully understand who Jesus was and what that meant for them, is it any wonder that we and our young people do the same today? Is it any surprise that we get trapped in the powerful vortex of the current flawed identity answers we discussed in the last chapter? Our failure to understand who Jesus is shortchanges our own search to discover the answer to the big question Who am I?

Since we believe expression deepens impression, we will give you two paths in this chapter’s application of Jesus’ better identity answer. (We’ll do the same for belonging and purpose in chapters 7 and 9.)

First, we give you tools to have better conversations with young people so you can keep listening empathetically and help them say yes to Jesus’ ENOUGH-ness.

During our season of interviews, one member of our research team was told by a close friend in youth ministry, “I cannot tell kids enough that God says they’re ENOUGH.” We agree, so this chapter provides you with a host of questions and statements that help you do just that.

In chapter 3, we introduced a three-step framework that you can use anytime to plunge into the deep end of conversational waters. We think NOW-GOD-HOW is such a good framework that we use it as a skeletal structure for every suggested discussion.

Second, we offer a few new action-oriented and relationship building connections for you to try with young people. In the case of identity, the connections we encourage will help both you and teenagers rest (metaphorically and literally) in God’s ENOUGH-ness.

Some of these conversations and connections are a bit lengthy, so you may want to bring your book or ebook to your next teenage conversation or small group. Your teenagers might tease you for having a book in hand, but that’s often a good sign that they feel comfortable with you (at least that’s what the two of us tell ourselves). Or if you want to be more covert, you can jot down a few notes or take a few pictures of the questions ahead of time. The more comfortable you get with this pattern, the less you’ll need our prompts.

We’ve geared these conversations and connections to work for any adult who wants to disciple young people toward Jesus’ better answers. Whether you are a ministry leader, mentor, parent, or other caring adult, you can draw from this toolbox to take your conversations and connections further and make them more fruitful. Because we’ve tested many of these ideas with actual ministries and families, at times we offer specific sidebar suggestions for those of us who are youth leaders or parents.

Conversations about Identity

A Conversation about Racial and Ethnic Identity

Depending on your background, you might be surprised by how often young people experience racial prejudice and racial inequity. According to one study, Black teenagers in the US experience an average of five instances of racial discrimination (individually, vicariously, online, or offline) daily.

We don’t know your ethnicity. Nor do we know the cultural background of the young people you care about most. But we agree with ministry leaders Brenda Salter McNeil and Rick Richardson:

Until we know who we are ethnically, we are unable to really reconcile genuinely with others. And until we know and recognize people for who they really are—including some of their history as a people—and then interact with them in ways that actually influence how we see ourselves, we cannot genuinely reconcile with them.

The two of us find that we are changed when we go out of our way to listen, love, and learn from folks who are from social locations different from ours. We want to help you and young people talk about racial and cultural identity through the following conversation questions.

NOW

Every day, I don’t ever forget who I am. And I don’t ever let anyone tell me who I am. —Jason

A Conversation to Unpack Identity Expectations

To help one or more teenagers understand how other voices shape their identity and how those expectations can clash, discuss these questions, some of which were lifted straight from our interviews (see the interview questions in full in appendix B).

NOW

A Conversation about Who Makes You Feel (Not) ENOUGH

Whether it’s people they know—like friends, family members, teachers, and pastors—or people they know of—like social media or YouTube celebrities—these discussion questions help teenagers think about which voices make them feel as if they don’t measure up.

NOW

For Families

As parents, stepparents, or caregivers, we’re unaware of how our attempts to provide support annoy teenagers—unless we ask them. So occasionally I (Kara) ask my kids, “What could I do that would make it easier for you to talk with me about big stuff?”

Their most common responses? “Please stop asking so many questions.” (It’s ironic that that’s their response to a question that I, in fact, just asked.)

As well as “Don’t make a ‘big thing’ out of what we talk about.” Our kids sometimes don’t like it when I bring up insights we discussed about a movie last month or a vacation last year. I think it makes me seem too teacher-ish.

Do I still ask questions and sometimes bring up past experiences? You bet, but probably about half as much as I would if these weren’t my kids’ two pet peeves.

Conversations about ENOUGH Elsewhere in the Bible

To help you appreciate the full meaning of God making us ENOUGH, we encourage you and young people to explore the following Scripture passages on your own or together. Along with John 6:1–15, these passages can be compelling to meditate on, memorize, send by text, or compile into a small group or youth ministry teaching series.

Sabbath Connections about Identity

Divine rest on the seventh day of creation has made clear that . . . YHWH is not a workaholic.

Walter Brueggemann

A cluttered schedule leads to a cluttered identity.

Talking A, B, C, D, E about Mental Health

Trapped in false answers to their 3 big questions of identity, belonging, and purpose and haunted by a pervasive sense of inadequacy and pressure, young people are riddled with stress. Given our desire to equip you and other caring adults, we curated the insights of some of our favorite mental health professionals into practical answers to four common questions about mental health.

How can I tell when a young person is dealing with greater-than-normal stress or anxiety?

In general, experts tell us to look out for the following:

If you’re worried, trust your gut and follow the steps in the next question.

Once I realize that a young person is dealing with a mental health struggle, what should I do?

We believe your best response can be summarized using the acronym ABCDE.

First, empathetically ASK the young person to rate their anxiety, stress, or depression on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst. A rating of 1–3 is a normal level of anxiety we all experience from time to time, and a 4 or 5 is probably handleable. If they rate it a 6 or above, they probably need more help from you and likely also a trained professional.

Second, encourage the young person to BREATHE deeply. Have you ever noticed that when you get really stressed, your heart begins to beat faster? That’s your heart’s automatic gas pedal to accelerate oxygen to every extremity in emergencies. When you breathe deeply, your heart gets more oxygen and doesn’t have to work as hard. As your heart slows down, your brain starts to get the message that you aren’t in danger anymore. It’s your body’s simple, but powerful, brake pedal for out-of-control emotions like panic.

Third, help the young person CENTER on a core truth or phrase. What few words from a meaningful Scripture passage, worship song, or prayer could they repeat to themselves as a theological anchor? In my (Kara’s) family, we’ve landed on “Emmanuel, God is with us” as a favorite mantra.

Fourth, help the young person DEVELOP a team. If they are likely to be anxious in their online math class or at their new job, help them think ahead of time about a friend or adult they could text or talk to in those moments. If you’re not their parent, encourage them to let their parents know the depths of their stress.

As needed, invite them to consider seeing a professional therapist. The brain is an organ, and as with our heart and liver, the brain sometimes requires additional help to function properly. If you don’t know a therapist you can recommend, contact a few churches or high schools for referrals or search for virtual teletherapy via services like betterhelp.com or talkspace.com.

Throughout your conversations, EMPOWER them to take future (often baby!) steps. One of my favorite phrases to simultaneously “feel with” young people while also emboldening them to move forward is “That stinks, and I think you can handle it.”a

Is there a specific resource or hotline for young people who need immediate help?

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK or suicide preventionlifeline.org) is a proven resource for young people in crisis as well as for concerned friends or family members.

In addition, the Steve Fund Crisis Text Line is an outstanding service dedicated to the mental health and emotional well-being of students of color that can be reached by texting STEVE to 741-741 or visiting stevefund.org/crisistextline.

Where can I get more ideas on how to help anxious young people?

At the Fuller Youth Institute, we’ve developed several Faith in an Anxious World resources, including a parent podcast series and a downloadable multimedia youth group curriculum. To find out more, visit fulleryouthinstitute.org/anxiousworld.

a Lisa Damour, Under Pressure (New York: Ballantine Books, 2019), 45.

That’s why Brad and I can think of no better historical Christian connection to help you and students say yes to Jesus’ ENOUGH-ness than the Sabbath. Periodically, we need to push away the clutter and replace our impossibly long to-do list with one discipleship goal: to Sabbath. For both of us as well as for many young people, reminders that we are ENOUGH and regular rhythms of Sabbath go hand in hand.

Another term for “connections” is practices. When we use the term practices in this book, we mean communally taught and historically rooted activities that embody an ultimate good. In addition to Sabbath, other common practices include worship, hospitality (see chapter 7), prayer, studying Scripture, testimony, confessing sin, witness, vocation, and working for justice (see chapter 9).

Derived from the Hebrew verb shabbat, or “rest from labor,” the Sabbath mirrors God’s own actions of working for six days and resting on the seventh (Gen. 2:2–3). In contrast to the relentless push to define ourselves by our abilities and accomplishments, a Sabbath offers identity-shaping disciplines such as the following:

Silence, which is often uncomfortable but teaches us to wait, listen, and reconnect with God and ourselves.

Rest, which provides holistic rejuvenation and cultivates an acknowledgment of our limits and dependence upon God for ENOUGH.

Retreat, which is leaving our typical contexts and refraining from technology and other activities and spaces that often define us. We see Jesus model this when he leaves the crowd and withdraws with his disciples in John 6:3.

Worship, especially in weekly church gatherings with the people of God, which is arguably one of the most identity-forming practices of Christians today.

For Leaders

After practicing Sabbath more intentionally as a youth ministry for a couple of months, one Michigan youth pastor had the opportunity to preach about Sabbath to the entire congregation. Kyle included testimonies from high school students who shared about the work of preparing for a Sabbath, the challenge of practicing Sabbath in the midst of their busy lives, and what they had learned about themselves. By offering their experiences, these students were able to lead the entire church community forward in taking the time needed to know they were ENOUGH.

Connections to “Pray and Play”

We’ve been willing to work tirelessly on behalf of young people. But are we willing to rest on their behalf as well?

Nathan T. Stucky

When I (Kara) first started practicing the Sabbath as a twentysomething, I was greatly helped by Eugene Peterson’s description of Sabbath as a time to “pray and play.” For me, that meant extra time journaling and in a rejuvenating activity that was hard to squeeze into my other six days.

Invite your young people to make a list of all the ways this week or in the future they could “play” on a Sabbath (meaning do rejuvenating or fun activities by themselves or with others they don’t normally have time for during the week).

Next, ask them to list what they could do to “pray” or get more focused time with God. (For most students, this list is tougher. If you’re meeting with more than one student, feel free to encourage them to share their items aloud in hopes that it spurs more creativity.)

Ask students to circle the two or three items on each list that are most feasible or most appealing to try in the near future.

Discuss what they circled as well as what’s left over.

For Families

After connecting with her kids over Sabbath for a few weeks, one mom shared with her teenagers that she thought they had done a pretty good job resting as a family. After all, they had been preparing dinner together and working on a plan for their next summer’s activities (two events that were squeezed out of a typical Sabbath-less week). The kids responded, “What are you talking about, Mom? We haven’t been resting at all.”

It turns out the mom’s highly structured Sabbath plans were a far cry from what her teenagers craved. As a result of that conversation, the mom and kids now schedule a weekly family meeting in order to better structure their lives during the week, allowing their Sabbath to be freer and more spontaneous.

Sabbath Connections for Beginners

You might want to try the following starting points with one or more young people, cleverly referred to by one church in our training as “Sabblets.”

Creative Connections with Rest

If the young people you’re closest to are open to a greater commitment, you can expand their understanding of Sabbath by inviting them to participate alone or with others (including you!) in the following:

Not Just “Who Am I?” but “Who Are We?”

As we recenter our identity in Christ, we can’t truly answer the question “Who am I?” without also addressing the question “Who are we?”

Many students we interviewed recognized how their view of themselves was influenced by others. Arthur can tell the difference in his identity when he feels safe with those nearby. “I have two personalities. One is really loud—that’s who I am during the week. One is really quiet. That is my actual personality. That’s who I am at church. The only place I can really recover and trust myself is at church.”

Young people’s 3 big questions are inextricably connected, refracting both light and shadows onto each other like a prism. In the next two chapters, we explore one of the most influential forces in a young person’s identity: their sense of belonging.

Christ-Centered Identity Recap

In this chapter on Christ-centered identity, as well as in chapter 7 on Christ-centered belonging and in chapter 9 on Christ-centered purpose, we provide a handful of summary phrases for you and your teenagers. We’ve geared these statements to serve not just as a recap but also as reminders of your conversations and connections. Once you have chosen an identity message you want to remember, the next step is to create a system that reminds you of that truth every day.

You and your young people might want to set a daily alarm on your phones—to go off perhaps in the morning as you’re getting ready or the evening as you’re winding down—to remind you to think about one or more of these divine truths.

Or maybe go “low tech” and write God’s better message on an index card you display on your bathroom mirror, car dashboard, or office bookshelf.

Perhaps you and your students can take turns texting important messages to each other, strengthening your mutual commitment to rest in God’s ENOUGH-ness.

Whatever you choose, make sure you also do whatever you ask of your young people so that you too can share your progress in realizing your true identity.

Here is a list of messages you can draw from:

REFLECT and APPLY

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