7. Encouragement: the Power of Uplifting Words
The Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C. contains many fascinating historical documents. Among them are the personal effects Abraham Lincoln had with him on the night he was assassinated. One of those items is a well-worn newspaper clipping that had obviously been carried for some time and which celebrated Lincoln's accomplishments as president. The clipping contains the statement: "Abe Lincoln is one of the greatest statesmen of all time." It may seem amazing to us that a man as great as Lincoln needed this kind of positive reinforcement in his life, but the apostle Paul needed encouragement at times (Philippians 2:19; etc.), and the truth is we all need encouragement from time to time. Thankfully, encouragement is free and easy to give, but few give it and many pour out only its opposite – criticism.
Proverbs 12:18 (GNT) tells us, "Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal." Proverbs 15:4 similarly says, "Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit" (GNT). Every Christian must search their own words and seek to replace the negative criticism that comes to our lips so easily with more positive criticism – and even more frequently with encouragement. To do this effectively, however, we must first understand the proper use and misuse of criticism.
The Two Sides of the Critical Coin The difference between positive and negative criticism is, of course, the way in which the message is conveyed: whether it is given with no thought for the feelings and dignity of the other person, or with care and a desire to help them. Unfortunately, negative criticism is so much more common that when we think of the word criticism, this is almost always what comes to mind.
Negative criticism has been described as the easiest job in the world – it requires no training, and the work is not difficult to perform – but it is equally true that this kind of criticism is the least rewarding and potentially most damaging of all the uses of speech. We only need consider a few scriptures to see this. The book of Psalms tells us, for example, how damaging yet easy to fall into criticism is: "Like a sharpened razor … You love any words that destroy, you treacherous tongue!" (Psalm 52:2, 4 CSB).
Finding fault and dwelling on imperfections in others rarely changes them and more often results in anger, defensiveness, depression, estrangement and in some cases, even suicide. While positive words may be difficult to remember, negative criticism can be hard to forget. We need only watch the daily news to see cases of young and even older people who tragically ended their lives because of peer criticism and ridicule, especially on social media. While these cases may be extreme, they show the very real misery and psychological injury that excessive criticism can cause. That is why the Bible condemns heartless criticism as frequently and firmly as it does.
Many also fail to realize how we not only hurt others, but we also hurt ourselves through negative and destructive fault-finding. Unchecked criticism of others almost always leads to further negative speech and actions that have repercussions on speaker and hearer alike – as we see in the story of Miriam and Aaron's criticism and resulting spoken resentment against Moses:
Miriam and Aaron criticized Moses because he had married a Cushite woman. They said, "Has the LORD spoken only through Moses? Hasn't he spoken through us, too?" But the LORD heard them … And the LORD said to them … why were you not afraid to criticize my servant Moses? (Numbers 12:1–2 NLT) Notice how the criticism leveled by Moses' siblings quickly grew into open resentment and near rebellion. As a result, Miriam – apparently the main instigator – was punished for this (Numbers
12:10). We may not see immediate and obvious punishment in our own lives in quite the same way if we indulge in harmful criticism, but the New Testament shows we become guilty of wrongful behaviour nonetheless:
Don't speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God's law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge … what right do you have to judge your neighbor? (James 4:11–12 NLT). Another aspect of criticism that we should understand is that of gossip. We may not always connect the two, but gossip is simply criticism done anonymously, though it may sometimes be spoken to the person involved in an attempt to hurt them. We see an example of this in the life of Jesus when the Jewish leaders told him "We are not illegitimate children" (John 8:41), showing the underlying gossip that had persisted for years since Mary became pregnant with Jesus before she and Joseph were living as man and wife. By contrast, the psalms tell us that only the individual "who does not slander with his tongue, who does not harm his friend or discredit his neighbor" (Psalm 15:3 CSB) may enter God's presence. Negative criticism has no part in the Christian's life – whether spoken directly to someone or spoken to others. The Christian and Criticism On the other hand, although every Christian should strive to avoid negative criticism of others, positive or constructive criticism is an important part of life that should not be underestimated. There is nothing wrong with explaining a problem to others, though some shy away from doing this. However, as parents, or friends, or perhaps as supervisors or employers, most of us have a responsibility to offer guidance in the form of constructive criticism from time to time.
There is certainly nothing wrong with this. Proverbs tells us "The wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Proverbs 27:6 BSB), and Jesus himself tried to help many of the religious people of his day by constructively criticizing their ongoing errors. Offering correction with the best interest of the other person at heart is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he encouraged others to "correct … and encourage" (2 Timothy 4:2) and when he wrote that we should always "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15 NLT).
Wherever possible this means we offer encouragement – even if it is only the verbalization of our concern for the other person – along with criticism, no matter how well-meaning we feel the correction we are giving may be. This is what is often called the "feedback sandwich" – which is ideally two parts encouragement with some necessary criticism in the middle!
When offered this way, constructive criticism is right and healthy, as are certain forms of speech which may help people see things they need to understand. Irony and sarcasm, for example, are not always bad. The Bible frequently uses both, and Jesus and Paul each used sarcasm effectively when they felt it was necessary to convey a point (for example, Matthew 12:3–5; 1 Corinthians 4:8– 10) – but like any form of criticism, these kinds of speech must be used with caution. It is our job as Christians to always use them carefully, wisely, and with love.
A final aspect of criticism that every Christian should keep in mind is our responsibility to accept and work with criticism when it is aimed at us – whether it is carefully given in love or not. The book of Proverbs tells us "If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding" (Proverbs 15:31–33 NLT). It is part of our Christian calling and witness that we listen to and respond humbly to criticism when it comes to us. Even if we feel the criticism we receive is unfounded, that does not give us the right to ignore it or not be responsive to the fact someone is trying to communicate with us.
Encouragement: Priceless but Free But if the Christian has a responsibility to offer only constructive and helpful criticism, how much more do we need to be givers of actual encouragement. Psychologists know that encouragement is a vital part of child development and adult health alike. Encouragement helps us all in the development of proper selfesteem, confidence, motivation, and happiness.
Additionally, encouragement helps us to persevere, overcome difficulties, and succeed in fulfilling goals and aspirations. From a Christian perspective this is a vital function of encouragement – that we fulfill our God-given responsibilities and opportunities – so it is perhaps not surprising that the Bible places so much emphasis on our responsibility to use speech to encourage each other. In fact, the Scriptures are full of commands to encourage others and examples of individuals doing this – doubtless because God himself is a God of encouragement (Acts 9:31; Romans 15:5 ESV; etc.). He encourages us, just as much as he urges us to encourage others.
For every scripture that speaks about criticism in the Bible, there are probably ten that speak of being encouraged and the need to encourage others –but the apostle Paul is the New Testament's "Encourager in Chief." He has more to say about encouragement than any other biblical writer and reading some of his epistles – like his letter to the Philippians – can be among the most encouraging things we can do. Despite – or perhaps because of – the many things he suffered, Paul continually hammers away at the need to encourage each other. Notice just a few examples: "give encouragement" (Romans 12:8); "encourage one another" (2 Corinthians 13:11); "encourage one another" (1 Thessalonians 4:18); "encourage one another and build each other up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11); "encourage the disheartened" (1 Thessalonians 5:14). Paul knew that everyone needs encouragement, but encouragement is not only the gift that everyone needs, but it is also the gift that we all can give. There are dozens of ways we can do this. Sometimes it may be helping someone who is overwhelmed, sending a quick email to someone who doesn't have a lot of friends, or a get-well card to a sick neighbor, or even just a smile offered to a stranger who looks worried. But the greatest encouragement will always be that which is spoken – words that are given in love and which carry the power of speech to connect, to communicate, and to show concern.
The power of the spoken word is seldom so clearly seen as it is with words of encouragement or their opposite. Positive or negative words have the power to encourage or discourage, build up the spirit or tear it down. It is every Christian's responsibility – and God-given opportunity – to use that power wisely.