The Communicant's Companion
to it in sincerity, and with a single eye; in a right manner, and for right ends? Am I by repentance undoing that which I have done amiss? And am I, by renewing my covenant with God, doing that better, which I have formerly done well? Am I joining myself unto the Lord, with purpose of heart to cleave unto him to the end? It is the preparation of the passover; am I doing the work of that day in its day? Am I purging out the old leaven, buying such things as I have need of against the feast, without money and without price? Am I engaging my heart to approach unto God, or am I thinking of something else? Am I slothful in this business, or do I make a business of it?
Here it is good to examine, whether, beside the common and general intentions of this ordinance, there be not something particular, which I should more especially have in my eye, in my preparation for it. Do I find my heart at this time more than usually broken for sin, and humbled at the remembrance of it? Let me then set in vigorously with those impressions, and drive that nail. Or is my heart in a special manner affected with the love of Christ, and enlarged in holy wonder, joy, and praise? Let its outgoings that way be quickened, and those thoughts imprinted deep, and improved.
IV. Inquire What progress do I make?—If, upon examination, there appear some evidences of the truth of grace, I must then examine my growth in grade; for grace, if it be true, will be growing: "That well of Water will be springing up, and he that hath clean hands will be stronger and stronger."
There is a spiritual death, or at least some prevailing spiritual disease, where there is not some improvement and progress towards perfection.
By what measures, then, may I try my growth in grace?
1. Do I find my practical judgment more settled and confirmed in its choice of holiness and heaven? If so, it is a sign I am getting forward. We cannot judge of ourselves by the pangs of affection; those may be more sensible and vehement at first; and their being less so afterwards, ought not to discourage us. The fire may not blaze so high as it did, and yet may burn better and stronger. But do I see more and more reason for my religion? Am I more strongly convinced of its certainty and excellency, so as to be able, better than at first, to "give a reason of the hope that is in me?" My first love was able to call religion a comfortable service; was my after light better able to call it a reasonable service? I was extremely surprised, when, at first, "I saw men as trees walking;" but, am I now better satisfied, when I begin to see all things more clearly? Am I, through God's grace, better rooted? Or am I, through my own folly, still as a "reed shaken with the wind?" 2. Do I find my corrupt appetites and passions more manageable; or are they still as violent and headstrong as ever? Does the house of Saul grow weaker and weaker, and its struggles for the dominion less frequent, and more feeble? If so, it is a good sign: the house of David grows stronger and stronger.
Though these Canaanites are in the land, yet if they do not make head as they have done, but are under tribute, then the interests of Israel are gaining, ground. Do I find that my desires towards those things that are pleasing to sense are not so eager as they have been, but the body is kept more under, and brought into subjection to grace and wisdom; and is it not so hard a thing to me, as it has been sometimes to deny myself? Do I find that my resentments of those things which are displeasing to the flesh, are not so deep and keen as they have been? Can I bear afflictions from a righteous
God, and provocations from unrighteous men, with more patience, and better composure and command of myself, than I could have done? Am I not so peevish and fretful, and unable to bear an affront or disappointment, as sometimes I have been? If so, surely He that has "begun the good work,