John Continues His Apologia
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JOHN CONTINUES HIS APOLOGIA
JOHN: Yes, I am myself anxious to come to that. Now that I have finished the explanation of my conduct towards you,
I shall be glad to turn to that part of my defence. What, then, is their accusation? What are the charges?
Basil: They say that they have been insulted and shamefully treated by us, because we would not receive the honour which they wanted to bestow on us. j .
John: My first point is this: we must not mind insulting men, if by respecting them we offend God. Even for these people who are resentful it is not safe to be offended at a refusal; it does them a great deal of harm. For I think that men who are consecrated to God and look to him alone, ought to be so reverent in their disposition as not to consider treatment of this kind an insult, even if they were slighted over and over again.
But it is quite obvious that I did not clare even to think of doing any such thing, and for this reason. If it was through arrogance and vainglory (as you said some people often slanderously assert) that I came to the point of confirming their accusations, I should be a first-class offender for treating with contempt persons of note and eminence, who were, moreover, my own benefactors. For if we deserve punishment for wronging those who have done no wrong to us, what penalty could be too severe for requiting with the very opposite of honour those who chose to honour us spontaneously? For no one could say that they had received any favours, great or small, from me, and so were requiting me
JOHN CONTINUES HIS APOLOGIA
[n.7 for kindnesses which I had shown them. But if that idea never occurred to me; if I had another reason for avoiding such a heavy burden, why do they refuse to forgive, if they cannot approve? Why do they accuse me because I was merciful to my own soul? I was so far from insulting the men in question, that I should say I have done them honour by my refusal. Do not be surprised if my statement sounds a paradox. I shall quickly explain it.
If I had done otherwise, everybody (or at least those who take pleasure in backbiting) would have been able to make many suspicious remarks about me for being elected and about those who appointed me; as, for example, that they had an eye to wealth or were admirers of an illustrious family or that they had been flattered by me and so had brought my name forward. I do not know whether some might not have suspected that they had been bribed. Or again, "Christ called fishermen and tentmakers and taxcollectors to this office. But these people scorn men who live by their daily toil and accept and admire anyone who devotes himself to secular studies and lives at leisure. Why else did they pass over those who have undertaken innumerable hard tasks to meet the needs of the Church? Why else did they suddenly drag into this dignity a man who had never tasted that kind of hard work but had spent his youth in the vanity of secular studies?"
All this and more they might have said, if I had accepted the office. But they cannot now. Every pretext for slander has been removed. They cannot accuse me of flattery nor these others of corruption, unless they want to act like fools.
For how could a man who had flattered and bribed to gain office have resigned the honour to others when he should have received it himself? It would be like a man working hard on his farm to make sure his cornfield stood thick with
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JOHN CONTINUES HIS APOLOGIA
a heavy crop and his presses overflowed with wine, and then after his hard work and heavy expense, when the time came to harvest the corn and the grapes, leaving it to others to reap the fruit! Do you see that in the one case, however wide of the mark their words might be, still those who wanted to slander them could have found a pretext to do so, on the grounds that they had made their choice by a crooked assessment of the arguments? But as it is, I have not let them open their mouths wide or even utter a sound. Yet all this and more they would have said from the start.
After entering on my ministry I should not have been able to answer their daily accusations, even if all my actions had been perfect-not to allow for my many inevitable mistakes due to inexperience and youth. As it is, I have cleared these others of this slander. But otherwise I should have brought upon them a load of reproaches. What would people not have said? "They have entrusted foolish boys with matters so sacred and important. They have outraged the flock of Christ. Christianity has been made a joke and a laughing stock!" But now "all iniquity shall stop her
I . mouth".l For if they say this on your account, you at least will soon teach them by your actions not to measure understanding by age, nor judge an old man by his grey hairs, nor debar the young man altogether from so high an office, but only the novice--and there is a great difference between the two.
Such then is the reply I should giv.e in answer to the charge of insulting those who would have honoured me, and to prove that in refusing this dignity, I had no wish to bring disgrace on them. Now I will try, to the best of my ability, to prove to you that I was not puffed up with conceit.
If the offer of a generalship or a kingdom had been made 1 Ps. 107.42.
JOHN CONTINUES HIS APOLOGIA
[m.1 to me, and if I had then made the same decision, someone might possibly have suspected it. Or, more probably, everyone would have judged me not conceited but mad. But when what is offered is the priesthood, which is as far superior to a kingdom as spirit is to flesh, will anyone dare to accuse me of contempt? Is it not absurd to accuse of madness people who refuse small honours, but, when they do the same with regard to very great honours, to drop the charge of madness and substitute accusations of pride? It is like accusing a man of insanity and not conceit, because he despised a herd of cattle and would not be a cowherd, but saying he was guilty, not of madness but of extreme pride, if he refused the kingdom of the whole world and the generalship of all armies everywhere.
This will not do; it will not do! To talk like that is to disparage themselves, not us. Merely to think that it is possible for human nature to despise that dignity shows the opinion of the office held by the people who express that idea. If they did not regard it as commonplace and unimportant, such a suspicion would never have occurred to them. Why has no one ever dared to suspect or suggest the idea about the dignity of angels, that through pride the human soul refuses to accept the dignity of their order? We form a high conception of those powerful beings, and this prevents us believing that man could imagine anything greater than that dignity. And so those who accuse us of conceit might be more fairly accused of it themselves. For they would never have suspected it in others, if they had not themselves despised the office already as insignificant.
And if they say that my action was caused by ambition they will be proved to contradict themselves and to confound themselves plainly. Indeed I do not know what argument they could better have chosen if they had wanted to
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clear me of the charge of vainglory. For if that motive had ever entered my head, I should have been sure to accept the office, not decline it. Why? Because it would have brought me great credit. If anyone as young as myself, having only just abandoned worldly pursuits, were suddenly reckoned by everyone so marvellous as to be preferred to those who had spent all their life in similar work and to receive more votes than any of them, it would have made everyone suspect that I had some great and wonderful qualities and would have given me an august and distinguished reputation. But as it is, the great majority of the Church, with few exceptions, do not even know me by name. So my refusal is not known to all, but only to a few, and even they, I believe, do not all know the facts. Probably many of them thought either that I was not chosen at all or that I was rejected as unsuitable after being chosen, and not that I voluntarily refused the office.
I Basil: But those who know the truth will admire your action.
John: And yet you said that they were accusing me of vainglory and pride! From whom, then, can I expect this praise? From the many? But they do not know the facts.
Well, then, from the few? But there your argument has turned completely round. For the only reason you have come here now is to learn what answer you should give them. Why am I arguing so carefully about them now?
Wait a moment and you will see quite clearly that, even if everyone had known the truth, they need not have convicted me of conceit or vainglory; and something else as well: that there is great danger involved not only in daring to take this attitude, but also in suspecting it in others.