The Honeymoon
The Honeymoon
One heart, one mind, one soul, and one desire,
A kindred fancy, and a sister fire
Of thought and passion; these can Love inspire,
This makes a heaven of earth; for this is Love.
Where you may have chosen to spend your honeymoon does not fall within my right to inquire. This will have been determined before this book came into your hands. Its locality perhaps does not matter much, as long as it gives you time to grow together. Nothing could be worse than an attempt to combine this with a tour of cities and their inevitable visits to art galleries, museums, and other sights. Your only art gallery should be the pillared vista of the woods or the slopes of the swelling hills, which clear lakes reflect. Your sights should be the illumination of the morning tint or the evening glow on the snowy mountains afire with sunlight.
It is certain that nature always arrays herself in her most attractive dress for eyes that are lit with love. The sun seems to never have shone before, nor the birds to have sung. Such blue was never in God’s heaven and such green never on the earth as that which greets love’s young sight. Spring’s apron never scattered such flowers, and summer’s portraying hand never displayed such colors as those that love detects everywhere in the first glad ecstasy of her joy. It is as though she had anticipated the accent of those mighty lips, which shall one day cry, Behold, I make all things new (Revelation 21:5); and at her summons there emerged a world in which there should be no more tears, nor pain, nor death, because the former things had passed away forever. Even the familiar faces and scenes of ordinary life are transfigured as when the light shone on Stephen’s face from the opened heavens.
Cherish these glad hours. Let them be the chosen time for the blending of the two hearts, the breaking down of any remaining barriers, and the molding of wills. It will be easier now than ever after to learn how to yield utterly to each other, while preserving individuality and self-respect: individuality, because neither must be content to be an echo or shadow of the other; and self-respect, because love is founded on respect, and we cannot love, though we may pity, those whom we have ceased to respect. Let each always act so that the twin soul may have no reason to be ashamed in the hour of calm reflection and retrospect.
In the heat of love, two natures may be so bonded as to become one, each compensating for the other’s variations that they may together keep perfect tune in heat and cold. But let the bonding come naturally and spontaneously. Do not force it. Let each reverence and respect the nature of the other and not break in on the temple shrine with a ruthless foot; but on the other hand, let there be no reserve, no coy or shy restraint, no refusal to share the secret treasures of hope, or anticipation, or ambition, or desire. To shut out one another from any chamber of the soul may sow seeds of alienation and estrangement in days after, that will mar the perfect unity and bliss essential to a really happy union.
This stands to reason, for it is only in complete fellowship in all interests that the two can be one. If either one has secrets, plans, friendships, or places of resort apart from the other – subjects on which one cannot speak, doors into chambers one cannot open, envelopes one cannot tear – a barrier is at once formed, which will grow into an impassable wall. A tiny rift is opened in the lute, which will silence all the music of the life.
The wifely heart yearns to be admitted into the secrets of the one she loves and to open hers to him. But how can this be, unless there is that common understanding between them that makes the exchange of confidences easy, and from which, as a common meeting ground, they may pass on into that complete merging of soul with soul, which is the very crown of love. If this understanding and meeting place are not discovered by the end of the honeymoon, there is every fear that the house will begin to show tears and cracks seriously endangering its stability.
There is nothing better, as we shall see later, than to find some common interest in which both can share, and there is no better time for commencing its pursuit, whether it is the study of poetry or the collection of natural specimens, than during the days of the honeymoon. I have always felt that the surest guarantee of a happy married life is to be found not in the contrariness of opposites, but in the agreement of similar tastes and pursuits. If there is no bond of common interest; if everything that fascinates the one must be explained to the other; if tastes, dispositions, and idiosyncrasies lie far apart, then a deep, unfulfilled desire for sympathy will begin to develop. Before either has realized it, there will be a severance of perfect unity, a slow drift apart, which like the minute crack in the ice floe, widens every moment.
Perhaps the woman can best prevent this by throwing herself into her husband’s hobbies. Not that she must merge her identity in his anymore than that perfect music, which answers perfect words, ceases to be music. She will always look at every question from her woman’s point of view, and with the quick intuition of her heart, there will be a response, a perfect harmony, an unaffected interest with whatever things are just, lovely, and of good report that may be occupying her husband.
One of the happiest marriages was that of Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett, each of them gifted with the poet’s soul more than most. Her Portuguese sonnets are an unequaled confession of woman’s love, and there was a world of meaning in his kneeling on the steps of Marylebone Church after her death. He kissed the spot on which she had walked on their wedding day. In each of these noble souls, though they rarely spoke to each other of the specific poems that they were engaged in writing, there dwelt a similarity of disposition, taste, and viewpoint. Of course, where there is such similarity of taste and genius, as in this case, care must be exercised that there is no rivalry, no jealousy, no competition, and no opportunity of comparison. It is a mistake for a woman to purposefully compete so she may speak better or paint better than her husband. Yet, after making all possible deductions, the best advice we can give is that the best security of happiness is in similarity of interest, natural or acquired. The story is told of a girl who detested mathematics until she lost her heart to a mathematics professor, and then she fell in love with mathematics also.
When husband and wife are one in Christ, a new source of mutual affection is opened to them. So far from their prayers being hindered, they are greatly helped. Each watches over the spiritual welfare of the other with tender attentiveness, encouraging further experiences in the divine life, and sharing whatever new discoveries have been made in the unsearchable riches of Christ. Thus, in the deepest and holiest relationship, they that fear the Lord speak often to one another, and the Lord draws near to listen; a book of remembrance is written before Him for those who think upon His name. The more we love each other, the more we learn of the nature of God who is love, and as we know His love, we love each other even more. Thus human and divine love answer each other, and like reflecting mirrors, they act and react on each other endlessly.
It is good to pray, each audibly, and to read the Bible together. To do this from the beginning will be easier than at any subsequent moment. Did our Lord refer to such fellowship when He spoke of being especially with two who met in His name and agreed in the symphony of perfect musical accord? Nothing will more quickly detect any division of feeling or bring together two souls in mutual confession, forgiveness, and agreement. But this most sacred exercise must never be a substitute for solitary personal fellowship with God. However close our relationship is with another, it can never take the place of fellowship with Him. We must continually enter into the most Holy Place, each soul by itself. To each most loving wife or husband, the command must apply: When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret (Matthew 6:6).
A radiant, soul-knitting honeymoon to you both!
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Chambers’s Journal
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