6. Prioritize Young People (and Families) Everywhere
6. Prioritize Young People (and Families) Everywhere
From Rhetoric to Reality
Teenagers know they are important because they are involved in ministry. They are treated as full-fledged members of the church, not just kids to be entertained.
—Angela, church leader
How much would you and your church give up to reach young people?
One congregation in our study answered that question by deciding they would do whatever it took—even a change tied to the heart of the church’s identity.
Like many ethnic minority churches in the US, this urban Latino congregation had grappled with challenging cultural questions as they dreamed about growing young. The lifeblood of cultural identity for many ethnic churches, language can also be a source of heated generational conflict. It didn’t take long to unearth a pivotal question: What will we do about the language divide between adults and young people?
Second- and third-generation children of immigrant families often struggle to find their place in ethnic congregations that feel like home to their parents and grandparents. These young people may speak English as their primary (or only) language. Sometimes they feel like they are held to a double standard of being “as American as possible” in their everyday lives while also needing to integrate fluidly into their ethnic context when they step through the church doorway.
It can seem like a no-win situation for teenagers and young adults.
This congregation knew that a common solution for immigrant churches that want to prioritize young people is to hire an English-speaking pastoral leader (or recruit a volunteer) charged to develop ministry with young people—sometimes called “English Ministry” to distinguish it from the church’s primary language. On the one hand, this helps young people feel heard and supported. They can be themselves—still ethnically distinct but able to speak comfortably. On the other hand, this raises new challenges, since a separate English-based ministry can become a threat to the immigrant church community as it grows. Traditions are lost. Meaning is garbled. Good intentions on both sides are misinterpreted. Most churches with this model find themselves in ongoing tension to maintain not only cultural identity but also unity.
First Baptist Church of South Gate chose a different strategy. This church committed to prioritize young people. But they decided to do it everywhere. Even if it meant some of the congregation’s traditions had to change.
Including language.
A predominantly Hispanic congregation located in south Los Angeles, First Baptist knows the language divide well. Reflecting their neighborhood, members represent a mix of first-generation Spanish-speaking immigrants from over 10 Latin American countries. These immigrants worship alongside second- and third-generation young people growing up in the US, some of whom do not speak Spanish fluently. As diversity increased over the years, leaders wondered if language conflict would become a force that would tear them apart.
Instead, they found even stronger glue than language to bond them together.
Rather than dig in their heels, the pastor and other adults in the congregation decided to take a step toward young people. A huge step. They agreed to change their weekly worship service for the sake of young people, shifting up to one-third of every service to English. Now songs, prayers, and greetings alternate between Spanish and English, often led by young people themselves. Teenagers and young adults comprise about half of the worship team.
Despite the level of sacrifice this language shift represents, the community of First Baptist has largely embraced the change. Even though many adults do not understand all the English phrases used, they want to communicate to young people that they are welcome, known, and prioritized in the worshiping community—without having to change who they are.1
“We believe the future of the Latina church is to be multilingual, multigenerational, and multiethnic. We believe that an effective Latino ministry today must necessarily focus on the second generation of leaders and congregants who speak English as their first language. The care for the spiritual welfare of our English-speaking children and grandchildren forces us to adapt to their approaches and styles of ministry, rather than insisting that they worship and serve God according to our linguistic and cultural preferences.” —Community statement of integration from First Baptist Church of South Gate
What’s more, young people are actively welcomed into planning for worship and special events. When it comes to special services, such as Easter, the first question is usually, “What will the young people do?” They serve in all areas of the church, from children’s ministry to the weekly food pantry outreach, alongside adults. One 15-year-old girl noted, “If you want to help, they help you help.” And it’s not just a patronizing kind of help—young people feel needed at First Baptist.
In other words, this church prioritizes young people everywhere. Even when it means giving up preferences or shifting what in the past may have been considered nonnegotiable. Even when it means relinquishing traditional authority and power in order to embrace the young. Prioritizing teenagers and young adults has made the difference between ailing and thriving—not only for young people but also for the whole congregation.
CORE COMMITMENT: PRIORITIZE YOUNG PEOPLE (AND FAMILIES) EVERYWHERE
Your church may not face such a blatant generational and cultural divide as First Baptist, but you doubtless have your own tough questions. Regardless of your context, our research has us convinced that the hinge point separating churches that grow old from those that grow young is priority. When churches prioritize young people—and their families—everywhere, they take a step beyond both empathy and warmth. They allocate resources, energy, and attention to teenagers and young adults both inside and outside their walls.
We call this a hinge point because while churches who have keychain leaders, empathize with young people, focus on Jesus, and nurture warmth can be lovely churches, they can eventually get comfortable, face inward, and ultimately grow old. If they fail to prioritize young people everywhere and help them live as good neighbors in the world (see chapter 7), over time the congregation will age out. That’s why there is an arrow pointing away from the Growing Young Wheel at the juncture between warmth and priority.
Whether you’re reading this as a pastoral staff member, parent, volunteer, or some other role, you will not be able to make your church more effective on your own. You need everyone in your church to prioritize young people if you hope to make worthwhile and lasting progress. Simply put, priority is the game changer for churches that want to grow young.
Research Findings
Why Making Young People a Priority Matters More than You Might Think
In all candor, until we began gathering data from churches, we didn’t anticipate how much prioritization would surface in the research. In the first stage of research, pastoral leaders were asked to name up to three characteristics of their church that account for its success at engaging young people. The top response category—tied with leadership—was making young people and their interests a priority in the church. Priority represented half of all responses. Testing this finding in the second interview phase of our study only solidified the place of priority as a core commitment of the Growing Young Wheel.
These three core commitments emerged separately in the research and can be distinguished as follows:
We found that these three commitments, while distinct, influence and reinforce one another.
But what does this prioritization mean? An experienced pastor shared with some hesitation that during his ministry training he was told, “If you want to know the priorities of a church, look at their budget.” Initially, this bothered him, but he has come to realize that resource allocation is a helpful indicator of prioritization. Not only budget resources but also personnel, facility space, time, and programming offer glimpses into the level of priority a church places on the young.
However, this resource allocation often looks different than churches expect. A church may think it is prioritizing young people by hiring a youth pastor and setting aside the “youth basement” where teenagers can exercise their dominion. It’s a musty dominion, but as long as no one can hear them down there, all is well and they’re probably pretty happy.
Not so fast.
Prioritizing young people everywhere means more. Much more.
How do churches that grow young make youth and emerging adults a greater priority? When they think about budget, strategy, worship planning, programming, community life, theology, and all other aspects of church life, they think about young people. They intentionally pay attention.
Young people themselves provided the best barometer of prioritization in our study. When we asked how their church makes them a priority, there was no hesitation. Teenagers and young adults were eager to share how churches keep them at the heart of the community. While they may not have named the budget or other resource categories, their intuition was incredibly accurate.
Churches growing young prioritize young people not just for the sake of making young people happy but because the whole church benefits. One pastor of over 40 years put it like this: “Everybody rises when you focus on children and teens.” Adults in another church reflected, “Young people are like salt. When they’re included, they make everything taste better.”
Prioritizing Young People Means Prioritizing Families Too
It’s impossible to prioritize young people well without also prioritizing their families.
The roots of the Fuller Youth Institute run deep in the three schools of Fuller Theological Seminary: theology, psychology, and intercultural studies. These roots nourish a holistic approach to research that is confirmed by what we found: we can’t engage with children and adolescents apart from the systems in which they are embedded—in particular, their families.
Despite decades of practice otherwise, youth ministry today is experiencing a reversal toward an emphasis on partnering with families in faith formation.2 There are two good reasons for this shift.
PARENTAL INFLUENCE MATTERS MOST
First, parents still carry the most important weight in their kids’ faith development. This is true not only in childhood but also through adolescence. Research continues to affirm that the best predictor of a young person’s faith is the faith of their parents.3 That means the role of ministry leaders who care about kids also must include the care, equipping, and formation of parents and families.
“What I really like about our parish youth ministry is that they encourage the parents to come. They include the parents in all the classes that their kids are taking. There’s at least one meeting a week where the parents are invited to share in whatever is going on to deepen their faith as well as understand where their kids are coming from. I totally wish I had that when I was growing up.” —Alice, age 19
In studying churches growing young, we found that parents’ participation in church worship and programming correlates with more mature faith in young people. But that’s not all. According to pastoral leaders, when parents are intentional about faith building outside of church, overall faith maturity and vibrancy within the congregation rises even more.
After young people graduate from high school, parents’ influence predictably wanes, but not as much as often thought. For 19- to 23-year-olds and 24- to 29-year-olds, parents’ participation in faith building outside of church ministries is still significantly correlated with faith maturity.4
PARENTS NEED SUPPORT
The second reason youth ministry is swinging back toward an emphasis on families is that parents today need all the support they can get. Unfortunately, most typical ministry models fail to adequately provide this care. At one extreme, parents are invited to outsource their children’s and teenagers’ spiritual development to the church. At the other extreme, parents are shamed into believing they are solely responsible for their kids’ faith. The former lets parents off the hook, while the latter heaps on guilt. Both models isolate parents.
Since parents hold so much influence and need so much support, prioritizing young people must also involve prioritizing their families. Despite the great need, in our interviews we found that churches’ partnership with parents in deepening their kids’ faith was one of the lower-rated characteristics of effectiveness. In other words, there are a host of opportunities to reimagine our roles in partnership with one another as a big family of faith.
Churches growing young are doing just that.
My (Kara’s) church realized we had become good at the rhetoric of partnering with families but had not put that rhetoric into practice. Resolving to blend words with action more consistently, the student ministry team devised a plan for parent engagement that includes daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly touch points.
Daily: Each day from Monday through Friday, the staff members set calendar reminders to stop and pray for five minutes for parents. Five minutes may not sound like much, but our leaders confessed that before the cues, they hardly prayed for parents at all.
Weekly: The team agreed to communicate with all parents directly once each week in some way—most often through a weekly email to parents—and to communicate with various parents individually through occasional calls, texts, and meetings. This commitment included a promise to respond to parent emails and phone calls within 48 hours.
Monthly: Parent training had been scattered and inconsistent at our church, so the team built a monthly rhythm of resourcing parents directly. Using a variety of means, they offer training parents can access more readily: an online article one month, a parent book club another, and occasionally an in-person training seminar.
Yearly: Taking a cue from schools, our innovative ministry leaders set up annual parent-leader conferences. They schedule 30-minute blocks over the course of a couple of weeks, and the staff or volunteer team member most connected with a student meets with that student’s parents for an intentional conversation. The leader shares highlights of the student’s growth, the gifts they see emerging, and the ministry’s vision of better partnering with parents to nurture teenagers’ spiritual formation. Perhaps most importantly, they ask seven golden words: How can we pray for your family?
It took time to establish all of these rhythms, but the hard work has paid off over the past several years. Today parents at our church feel more connected and cared for than ever, and the ministry leaders benefit from greater parent buy-in and support.
The Effects of Divorce Require Our Attention
Prioritizing families means we must also respond to a myriad of struggles that burden the families in our congregations. While the divorce rate in America is not as high as often assumed (more reliably in the 20 to 25 percent range than 50 percent),5 the wounds of divorce are no less critical. Divorce leaves kids permanently conflicted, ping-ponging back and forth between parents in a game they never wanted to play. They end up feeling like they partially belong in both parents’ worlds, meaning they fully belong in neither. For young people from intact families, special events such as birthdays, holidays, and graduations enhance a sense of belonging. For teenagers and emerging adults from divorced families, these same events heighten the tensions of standing with one foot in each parent’s world.
Lacking a secure sense of belonging at home, children of divorce are three times as likely to feel alone, twice as likely to feel unsafe, and almost four times as likely to disrespect their parents.6 As they age, young adults from divorced families tend to have higher rates of alcohol and drug use, do more poorly in school, and are more likely to be depressed and withdrawn.7
For teenagers who make their way into church without their parents, often the church body becomes a surrogate faith family, providing spiritual nurture that may be missing at home. While this ministry is admirable, churches often miss opportunities to connect with those parents on the fringes. In fact, parents can feel threatened by ministry leaders if their kids suddenly want to spend all of their time at the youth ministry or with teenagers and adults from church.
Sometimes we hear ministry leaders write off marginal parents as uninvolved, disinterested, and even uncaring. Research advisor Reggie Joiner, founder of Orange and the ReThink Group, champions a different posture toward parents outside the church. His bias is that the vast majority of the time, those parents—like all parents—love their kids and want to do right by them. So a first step toward prioritizing families outside the church is to start with the assumption that they love their kids more than we love their kids. Then we make it our job, not theirs, to reach out and initiate relationship. Once we have relationship, we build understanding and empathy toward parents that eventually nurture trust, which in turn can slowly open doors for deeper connection.
The most heartbreaking statistic to me (Kara), a child of divorce myself, is how poorly the faith community supports young people affected by a family breakup. One study found that two-thirds of young adults who regularly attended a church or synagogue at the time of their parents’ divorce reported that no one from their faith community reached out to them during that painful season.8 As a young person’s fabric of family is ripped apart, the faith community has the opportunity to weave itself into a young person’s relational network. More often than not, we fail to do so.
We witnessed a moving story about the power of the church in the life of a child of divorce on one of our site visits. An 18-year-old African American woman shared a testimony in worship when our team visited her church. She began by explaining that she has two families—her biological family and her church family. Through tears, this high school senior shared about her parents’ divorce and resulting pain that contributed to deep struggle. She called out areas where she felt like the church had failed her but also ways they valued her and walked with her. Most notably, she treasured how members of the community saw “something in me I didn’t see in myself.” Like the pastor who invited her into a leadership role, and the group of women who moved from being acquaintances to adoptive aunts.
The congregation did not sit silently during this testimony. Vocal support emanated from the people as they encouraged, “You can do it,” “Come on,” and “We’re here for you.” It was clear they knew, loved, and were committed to this young woman. By the end of her story, tears flowed around the room.
Young People Must Play a Load-Bearing Role
We’ve already highlighted how First Baptist Church of South Gate underwent significant change in order to prioritize young people. But it wasn’t just alternating languages in worship that made the difference. When our research team asked high school students why they keep coming back to First Baptist, they frequently named their responsibilities in the church. Playing in the worship band, serving in children’s ministry, helping in the neighborhood—these needs keep them accountable and connected.
When young people in your church and community know they are needed and invited into participation just like everyone else, they sense that they play a load-bearing role in the congregation. They become purposeful co-participants in the life of the body rather than junior participants or future members. Their voices, hands, and hearts matter now for the ongoing life and work of the congregation, and they know it.
Congregation members in churches growing young notice the value of young people’s work too. Asked to name one or two ways teenagers and emerging adults contribute to the church and make it better, over 75 percent of interviewees shared that they assist in worship (especially through music), provide leadership, serve in children’s ministry, mentor younger kids, and serve the broader community and world.
ASK FOR PARTICIPANTS, NOT JUST VOLUNTEERS
This emphasis on playing a load-bearing role brings both higher expectations and higher reward. One church in our study frequently uses the language of participatory church to frame all of the work of the congregation. For example, rather than ask for a volunteer to fill a role, they ask for participation in the community. Volunteers feel like they are giving time and energy in order to fulfill a civic duty. In contrast, participants contribute work essential to the life of the church, work that binds them to other members of the body.
“Many of our high school kids help with children’s ministry, not because they have to but because they love it. One beautiful thing that we do is set out a prayer chair in our kids’ ministry. You can sit in the prayer chair and tell God whatever you want. When we do the prayer chair, the high school kids all want to sit in it too. It warms my heart that they are modeling prayer for our younger kids.” —Susan, ministry volunteer
This model increases young people’s connection to the church but also increases the level of risk. A task may not get done, or done as well, as it would if a paid staff member or a qualified adult simply did the work. But it’s essential for moving from a consumer mindset (in which the church provides goods and services to young people) to one of participation in covenant relationships in which all members bear the load.
Small churches tend to have an upper hand here, because they truly need everybody to do the work. First Baptist is a church of under 200 members, with a slim staff. But large churches can also be successful at empowering teenagers and young adults to serve if they are careful not to lean too heavily on a staff-driven ministry model. Across the breadth of church sizes in our study (100–10,000 members), we found young people fully engaged in meaningful work of all kinds.
BUT BE CAREFUL TO SEE THEM FOR MORE THAN WHAT THEY DO
In the midst of this emphasis on inviting young people into significant work, we need to beware of focusing only on what young people do. Prioritizing young people because of what they can do for us can inadvertently degenerate into using them for cheap work. In the pastoral survey stage of the research, leaders were asked to describe three to five characteristics of a young person who has a vibrant faith in Jesus Christ. Only half of responses described internal characteristics, while two-thirds of the responses described behaviors. Similarly, nearly half described vibrant faith as participating in church-related activities (e.g., worship service, small group). These descriptions of vibrancy lend themselves toward an emphasis on doing versus being. While we are glad young people are valued as contributors, we can’t help but wonder if some churches forget how young people contribute simply because of who they are. They thrive when treated with honor and dignity as full members of the body.
In site visits, however, this emphasis on participation played out encouragingly. A Presbyterian pastor we interviewed intentionally communicates that young people are “just like everybody else” in the congregation, including what’s expected of them. The community anticipates that young people will contribute “time, talent, and treasure” like every other congregant. But they are not guilted into this service. On the contrary, the church invites young people to serve where they are gifted and to discover their gifting as they serve. Offering young people a load-bearing role doesn’t mean we assume that their best (or only) role in weekend worship is to cover the toddler room. It means we actively incorporate their gifts across the congregation, from the maintenance team to the deacon board.
Ella is a young person in another congregation whose church valued her enough to carve out a special niche for her. Feeling as though she had “aged out” of her church’s youth group by 14, she didn’t simply fade away. Instead, she redirected her investment to an area that felt natural: the church choir. This all-adult group (until now) was not attempting to attract young people. They were a traditional choir in every way, right down to the graying heads above the blue robes.
“Students are invited by the staff of the church to learn a skill or to use a skill they already have to directly participate in the church body. My son was taught how to do some technology that involves the screens, for example. The youth are woven into the fabric of the church, not so siloed off.” —Deborah, parent
“I may have hinted at this, but I think what really makes our church effective is our commitment to young people. I mean, it sounds so simple, but it is not easy to just replicate commitment. There is such a passion for young people, and it is just part of the culture, the environment, the emphasis of the church. It’s a dedication.” —Tara, age 24
Not discouraged by this reality, Ella appeared at choir practice one Wednesday and quickly made herself at home amid the group. She was an avid singer, and her voice boosted the spirits of the vocalists as much as her warm smile and easy laugh. Choir became not only Ella’s place to serve but also her primary community within the church. When her mother endured the trials of breast cancer a year later, one elderly couple (who had been giving her rides to and from choir practice each week) faithfully stood by Ella in a way that bonded them like family. Now in college a few states away, Ella makes a point to visit this couple when she’s home on breaks because they made such an investment in her during high school. What’s more, she found a church in her college town and again joined the choir as her portal to community. Worshiping and serving with adults became her model for how church should be. As churches have prioritized Ella, she has in turn prioritized church.
Myth: Good Leaders and Programs Automatically Lead to Priority
I (Brad) like running, and early mornings are typically when I can work it into my schedule. Around Pasadena’s Rose Bowl stadium loops a pathway where a broad spectrum of citizens exercise. At any given time, easily a hundred or more people make their way around the track. Yet everyone does it differently. People walk, run, sprint, and skate. Some cycle at the speed of light; others meander along casually. A high school cross-country team warms up before hitting the adjacent trails. Babies cruise in jogging strollers, and elderly couples shuffle with walking sticks. One man hobbles along shouting, “Hello!” to everyone he sees.
Oh, and there are the dogs. Big dogs dragging their owners along at a trot, little dogs getting carried, dogs in strollers (I try not to judge), four dogs on one leash, and the occasional coyote wandering down out of the mountains.
All this at six in the morning!
While the working definitions of “exercise” vary widely around the Rose Bowl loop, all of these people share one thing in common: the commitment to get out of bed early in the morning to work out. It’s a priority. If you show up around the same time a few days a week, after a while you begin to recognize many of the faces (and dogs!) of folks who prioritize their morning workout enough that it becomes a lifestyle.
This is the level of priority we witnessed in churches that grow young. Not the occasional “If I feel like it in the morning, I’ll get up and run tomorrow,” but the steady commitment that sets out clothing the night before, checks the alarm clock, and makes it happen day after day, week after week. These churches have made prioritizing young people a lifestyle commitment. And the young people know it. It only takes about five minutes in a circle listening to their stories to hear their confidence that their church is crazy about them. Clearly it’s reciprocal.
But there’s a myth about how churches reach this level of prioritizing young people. If a member at an average congregation were asked to guess what it takes to prioritize teenagers and emerging adults, they might talk about strong programs and good leaders. While they would not be completely wrong, they would be missing something critical.
That “something” is congregational culture, and it’s more important than most church members think. Culture cannot be defined by a list of programs; it’s much deeper. We heard this both from leaders and from young people. When talking about their church’s effectiveness with young people, 2 out of 3 pastors named their church’s attitudes and attributes, not specific programs. This is because pastors and youth ministry leaders see how deeply their church culture influences whether priority takes root and grows. In short, even a great leader can’t force priority if the church culture doesn’t support it. Similarly, young people in our study whose congregations make them a priority talked less about their church’s programs for them and more about their church’s culture—specifically its relationships, traditions, and rituals.
As the arrow departing from the Growing Young Wheel suggests, a failure to prioritize young people typically sends churches on a trajectory toward growing old. Often this is because surface-level changes are made without deeper shifts in church culture. When it comes to young people, culture change means building an overall ethos of investment in teenagers and emerging adults. Like the dedication to get up and run, over time a commitment to intentional prioritization becomes a natural, faithful movement in congregational life.
GROWING YOUNG VS. GROWING OLD
Myth: Good Intentions Are Enough
There’s a saying in the business world that culture eats strategy for breakfast.9
In other words, you might articulate a strategic plan for your organization, but the actual culture of your organization trumps the stated strategy every time. Or more simply, who you really are overrules who you say you are. When it comes to prioritizing young people, we might translate this maxim, “You can’t fool young people into thinking your church has made them a priority.”
Here’s why. If leaders try hiding the congregation’s real priorities and give lip service to teenagers and young adults about how much they matter, they’ll roll their eyes right out the door. Young people in every generation—but perhaps especially today—can sniff out a fake in no time.
Most church leaders’ motives are not so insidious. It’s not so much that we are trying to hide the truth from young people. It’s just that while we think we are doing what we can to prioritize them through strategy and resource allocation, our church culture is working against us. Good intentions are not enough.
This dynamic emerged in our initial survey of 373 pastoral leaders. The survey asked senior pastors/priests and youth or young adult pastors to rate their church on a number of characteristics. Each characteristic was evaluated using four-point scales for the following measures: how important a particular characteristic is to the leader, how intentional their church is in enacting that characteristic, and the percentage of their congregation that actually participates in that practice. For example:10
Prioritizing young people and their families does not mean that a congregation ignores senior adults or sidelines the missions committee. But sometimes it does mean tough choices about resource allocation. Based on stories from churches growing young, when big decisions are made about dedicating more funding, staff, or space to young people, these changes are made by multiple generations who share a common commitment to teenagers and emerging adults.
We asked one group of high school students in a 150-year-old congregation why the senior adults in their church care about them so much that they are willing to make changes to welcome them. They replied, “The older people see that we want to be here, so they want us to be here.” Here and in other congregations, we saw a mutual respect and mutual need that permeated conversations with young and old alike. Adults weren’t forced to focus on young people; they chose to do so.
How important is it to you that your congregation cultivates relationships where peers can share honestly with each other?
How intentional is your congregation in planning activities that cultivate relationships where peers can share honestly with each other?
What percentage of your congregation participates in relationships where peers can share honestly with each other?
Overwhelmingly and nearly across the board, intentionality trumped importance, and participation trumped both importance and intentionality. When we ran correlations with vibrancy, higher faith maturity, and a host of other variables, the story was clear. It’s one thing to say a practice is important, another thing to be intentional to think and talk about it, but when we put our hands and feet to work, that’s when churches change.
IMPORTANCE < INTENTIONALITY < ACTION
We found evidence of this shift from importance to action in a Nazarene congregation. Despite good intentions to focus more on children and youth with special needs, the church realized that it had not really prioritized kids with disabilities. Unwilling to allow this group to go unnoticed, the church began to make changes.
When our team visited, we were moved by the way both young people and adults shared how this church has moved from saying kids with disabilities are important to doing something about it. For example, kids and teenagers with special needs are now paired with buddies for regular programming. One young adult who originally connected to the church because of its special needs ministry shared about making friends with two girls who have cerebral palsy. At a recent youth group outdoor game night, a leader asked two other students to push these girls around in their wheelchairs for a game of whiffle ball. Everyone cheered as the students worked together to help the girls bat and then roll around the bases. This youth ministry is putting priority into action and is shifting the culture of the entire church.
While culture change is rarely easy, in chapter 8 we’ll learn from churches that stretch to focus on young people without falling apart at the seams.
We Follow Jesus’ Lead When We Prioritize the Young
The day wasn’t turning out quite like they hoped.
Jesus’ disciples were accustomed to crowds, endless days of teaching and healing, and demands from the most unlikely people seeking a hearing with Jesus. They were used to Jesus going out of his way to heal children specifically (Mark 5:21–43; 7:24–30; 9:14–29). They had already been admonished by Jesus about the value of children, both in this world and in God’s kingdom, as he took a child in his arms and declared, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me” (Mark 9:37).
Yes and no. Some churches that are growing young meet in local public schools on purpose so that their financial resources are not tied up in building ownership and maintenance. Young people often help set up and tear down each week in these mobile environments. A parent in one such congregation affirmed, “The church doesn’t just put resources into a building but into people. We’ve been to churches with better facilities, but we’ve never been in a healthier environment.”
Other congregations keep very simple buildings. In still other cases, elaborate buildings—some old and ethereal, some new and hip—contribute to the church’s effectiveness with young people.11 Yet if we take young people’s responses across the study as a whole, when they describe their church to their friends, they rarely mention the building.
However, designating physical areas specifically for young people—especially high school students—appears to be important. In several of our site visits, it was clearly significant to high school students that they feel ownership of a particular space. One church that meets in schools on Sunday mornings rents a more consistent location where the youth group can meet regularly on Sunday evenings and midweek. Another church offers a simple, unimpressive room to young people, but just knowing the space is theirs makes a deep impact.
Yet the disciples were still struggling with how Jesus talked about and interacted with children. Could Jesus really have meant that welcoming children is a way to welcome Jesus, and by extension the Father? Surely he had been speaking hyperbolically.
While children were treasured in Old Testament Judaism, by the first century AD, children were not viewed as equal in value to adults. At best, childhood was seen as a training ground for adulthood, not a significant stage of life in itself.12 Jesus, however, eagerly welcomed young people to come close to him, at the expense of adults who thought they had the upper hand in access to Jesus, his ideas, and his power.
Whether the disciples didn’t understand Jesus or did not yet believe him, on this day they made a choice that apparently crossed a line. “People were bringing little children to Jesus,” the text reads (Mark 10:13). Not more children! These parents and grandparents wanted Jesus to touch the children—to give a touch of blessing or perhaps a touch of healing. But this irritated the disciples. Jesus needed space. They did too. Jesus needed to attend to more important matters, more important people. So the disciples “spoke sternly” (NRSV) to them.
“There is an older gentleman in our congregation who gives large sums of money to support the youth ministry. But it is not about the income. It is about the statement that they are important. The fact that he is saying with all this money that youth are important—other people get on board with that. That’s a lot more powerful than the youth pastor trying to convince people that teenagers are important.” —Daniel, church leader
That aroused Jesus’ attention.
When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. (Mark 10:14–16)
Jesus’ actions must have astounded not only his disciples but all of the people gathered, children included. It was not the first time Jesus had held a child in order to make a point (Mark 9:36). But this time Jesus moved from a command to welcome children to a command to become like children, receiving God’s kingdom as children do.
This command sounds strikingly like an invitation to grow young.
By saying we must become like children, Jesus was not suggesting a reversion to immaturity. He was making it clear that not only are children eligible to receive the kingdom, but they are actually exemplars of what it means to do so. Some have suggested that children’s sincerity, willingness to trust, and dependence make them so exemplary. According to Roman Catholic theologian Karl Rahner, children model to the entire community an “infinite openness” to the infinite.13 Maybe it’s that very nature that inspires us all to grow young. In other words, we need them as much as they need us.
Theologically, we stand on solid ground when we prioritize young people everywhere in our congregation. Jesus led the way for us in his shocking attention to children and his reorientation of the community around them. It was a disproportionate prioritization. What would it look like if your church took the same approach to children, teenagers, and young adults today?
Ideas for Action
As you review the following ideas, perhaps make notes in the margin. Mark if the idea is a fit for your church, who should implement the idea (you or another leader), and whether it can happen now or later. Please don’t try to do everything—instead, aim for two or three ideas that you can act on now. Then at the end of the chapter, use the strategic questions to guide your church toward a specific plan to prioritize young people everywhere.
Rethink the Numbers
Congregations often use attendance numbers to evaluate success, which makes sense. But additional numbers can help us assess what God is doing in and through our ministries with young people. Consider evaluating the following numbers and see what picture emerges:
• The percentage of young people ages 15 to 29 in your congregation (you might break that into high school, college-age, and 24- to 29-year-olds).
• The percentage of young people in your broader community and how that’s reflected in your church.
• The percentage of your budget currently allocated toward ministry programming with young people.
• The percentage of your staff and/or building resources allocated toward ministry with young people.
Evaluate these numbers with your leadership team, and determine if the numbers feel right or if adjustments need to be made.
Assess Everywhere
Using a “red-light, yellow-light, green-light” metric, gather others and list current ministries of the church (be as inclusive as possible). Assign a color to each based on how much young people are prioritized in that area.
A green light means high priority, a yellow light means medium priority, and a red light means low priority.
Lead a follow-up discussion identifying why young people have, and haven’t, been prioritized in particular areas. List clearly what needs to happen to move from red to yellow or yellow to green lights wherever feasible.
Ask a Simple Question
When any new ministry begins—ideally while it is still in the dreaming phase—intentionally ask the question, “How could young people be part of this?”
At my (Brad’s) church, a new kind of prayer group was launching to practice contemplative forms of prayer together. I wondered aloud whether this group might be open to interested middle or high school students. No one had thought of that, but no one objected. So the groups were opened to everyone, and my teenage daughter joined one of them along with my wife. Sharing in prayer regularly with these adults has been a highlight of their spiritual journey over the past year. This has made our church wonder whether young people have been unintentionally excluded from other ministry opportunities simply because we haven’t asked.
Hire Purposefully in Youth and Young Adult Ministry
Sometimes congregations rush to put a youth pastor in place to fill an empty spot or to create a role they assume must be part of their staffing structure. Churches growing young often take a more thoughtful posture toward hiring.
One Methodist congregation shared that their turning point in effective youth and young adult ministry was hiring a stable leader. After a chain of one- to two-year youth directors who were cool but not consistent, they realized they needed a youth ministry veteran who was willing to commit to the long haul. That meant a salary that could support someone with more experience. This investment in stability translated into a team of both paid and volunteer leaders who are now skillfully mentored and supported by this experienced leader. He is currently wrapping up his first decade in the congregation. The senior pastor recently reflected, “Yes, it was more expensive to hire someone with experience. But to be honest, I would wager that we’ve more than made up for it financially because of the families who have stuck around and new families who have joined because of this leader.”
As you think about staffing decisions and resource allocation, what changes could you make to help support greater longevity in youth and young adult ministry?
Revisit Who Fundraises—and for What
Youth ministry fundraisers are a bit of a double-edged sword. On one side of the blade, laboring to raise money instills values and a work ethic in young people, fighting the common tendency toward entitlement or lethargy. In our research, stories about youth fundraisers were unanimously cast in a positive light by both students and adults. They seemed to work because they were framed as opportunities for the whole church community to come together in both vocal and tangible support of teenagers.
On the other side, when young people need to raise money for every opportunity, it can feel degrading and demotivating. Not to mention the weight on parents, especially when kids are also participating in endless fundraisers for school and extracurricular activities.
While we don’t have a simple solution for this dilemma, one of our pastoral advisors wondered if prioritizing young people means lessening the burden on them to raise so much of their own funding. He mused, “We don’t send out senior adults to raise funds for their own ministry or mission trip. Why do we do it with students?” Good question.
Evaluate the fundraisers at your church. Who leads them? Whom and what do they benefit? Which fundraisers involving young people reinforce the church’s prioritization of them, and which ones might communicate that young people are on their own to raise money? Which adults participate in youth-based fundraisers, and are there fundraisers for other causes that young people take part in as supporters? Plan out the fundraising year with every ministry of the church in mind, and consider what might need to be reimagined or cut altogether.
Address Family Pain and Brokenness through Support
Prioritizing young people and their families means being ready to empathize with and address the deep pain and brokenness within family systems. This aspect of pastoral care often relies heavily on pastors, mentors, Sunday school teachers, and small group leaders, but we found congregations growing young offering more opportunities for support.
A San Francisco church in our study offers both professional and lay counseling opportunities and support groups for the array of struggles in its community: anxiety, addiction, divorce, grief, miscarriage, abuse, and chronic pain. In order to foster more member-led care groups, the church created a lay counseling program that provides nine months of training and a supervised practicum prior to becoming a group leader. While lay groups are not meant to take the place of professional therapy when needed, the church hopes to foster a community in which more members are equipped to support one another through life’s darkest places.
“My church has loved me like God loves the church. This congregation has not seen me as the ‘divorced person’ but has loved me for who I am today because of my past. They have opened my eyes to a love that gives and a love that commits.” —Ginger, age 29
Evaluate your congregation’s care for others through both structures (programs, staff, and groups) and relational culture (an environment of warmth, acceptance, honesty, and support). What could it look like to prioritize young people and families by offering more support for family pain and brokenness?
Prioritize Partnering with Parents
At FYI we are big fans of our colleagues at Orange, a ministry committed to “engaging churches and families to influence the faith and character of the next generation.”14
The premise behind Orange is tied to the color itself. When you take yellow, representing the light of Christ in the church, and mix it with red, representing the heart of the home, you get orange. The two influences combined make a greater impact than either by itself. But this mixing doesn’t happen simply because families attend your church. It requires intentional partnership that honors, equips, and helps parents win in their own family’s spiritual formation.
In your work with youth ministry leaders, try taking a few intentional steps to move churches and families closer to one another:
• Review your ministry calendar. Look for youth and children’s programs or events that compete with families for time and energy or that cause tension within families because of the ways calendars collide with—rather than complement—one another. Consider realigning your schedule and maybe even cutting events.
• Create rhythms of engaging parents. Look at your ministry’s daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly engagement with parents and create touch points that feel sustainable in your context. Better yet, ask parents how much and through what channels they would like to hear from your ministry.
• Partner with adult education. Since parents are the greatest influence on their kids’ faith, the discipleship of adults has a direct impact on the discipleship of young people. Partner with whoever leads adult spiritual formation in your church to better equip parents to talk about and live out faith every day.
• Offer parent training when it works for parents, and feature topics they care about. Sometimes youth ministries plan meetings and training events that are poorly attended (and attended primarily by those parents who least need the training). Instead, thoughtful ministries have shared with us two strategies: First, tap into times when parents are already on campus (during your youth group gathering, just afterward, during Sunday school, or immediately following church—providing lunch and childcare). Second, give them valuable help with topics they care about and might be anxious about, such as digital technology and social media, the transition into middle or high school, and learning to talk with kids about sex.
• Invite parents to volunteer. Tap into the gifts and skills of parents so they can serve in youth ministry directly rather than watch from the stands. Think beyond tasks like organizing meals or driving to events, and look for opportunities for parents to be involved in formation through mentoring, leading small groups, or discipling younger ministry volunteers.
Ditch Youth Sunday—Involve Young People Every Week Instead
Youth Sunday is a long-standing tradition in many congregations. It’s the one Sunday of the year when the youth group takes over the worship service and leads everything from the music to the preaching. Some members of the congregation love it, smiling approvingly while teenagers display their abilities. Others avoid this Sunday, preferring to skip a week rather than endure loud music and awkward moments. For teenagers themselves, Youth Sunday can be a mixed bag. Some enjoy the opportunity to share with the congregation, while others feel pressured by leaders and parents to participate in something that feels unnatural, like being put on display.
For many churches growing young, Youth Sunday is a thing of the past. Not because they do not want to give teenagers opportunities to participate and lead; quite the opposite. A New England church told us they ditched what had been called “Teen Sunday” because they were dissatisfied with including teenagers only one day out of the year. Now teenagers are involved every Sunday. From leading parts of the worship service, to running the sound board, to helping with children’s ministry, young people play a load-bearing role in the church’s Sunday ministries.
With your church leadership team, dream together about your weekend gatherings becoming what young people look forward to most throughout their week. Where could young people be more integrated? What would it take to integrate them? How much would you be willing to change in order to make that happen?
Leverage Technology, but Don’t Obsess Over It
Young people are digital natives—born into a world where the internet has always been an active presence in their daily lives and smartphones are more common than microwaves. Rather than lamenting the role technology plays in the lives of young people, churches growing young leverage technology for connection and yes, even discipleship. It’s possible that young people can lead our congregations forward in surprising ways through digital technology if we let them.
However, leveraging technology does not mean we need to embrace every new gadget or social media platform in order to reach young people. Remember, they want a warm community more than a flashy one. Also be careful not to use social media solely for event promotion. One college ministry leader confided that they stopped promoting events as much on social media and instead started celebrating them afterward, believing that what’s celebrated gets repeated. They share photos, quotes, and highlights as avenues toward community and trust rather than as marketing tactics.
Further, young people do not necessarily want to connect with adults in the same space where they connect with their friends. Ask young people in your congregation how they think your church could improve its use of technology and social media. Also ask where they do not think more effort is needed. Specifically ask what social media platforms they do and do not want to use to interact with church members or to discuss faith questions.
Diversify to Meet 24- to 29-Year-Olds Where They Are
Chapelgate Presbyterian has worked to adapt to the needs and realities of twenty-somethings in their community, and it has paid off. Their ministry to young adults offers a variety of opportunities to accommodate those in different life stages—whether single, married, or with young families.
Anchor is a Bible study that meets twice a month, centered around a shared meal in the home of adults in the congregation. Pub Theology meets at a local bar each Tuesday, offering conversational Bible study in an environment where young people feel comfortable inviting their friends who may not be willing to explore faith in a church building. Chapelgate also offers traditional Sunday school classes for this age group, and many are involved in other ministries of the church beyond young adult–focused programming. Chapelgate doesn’t want young adult ministry to become Youth Group 2.0 but wants to engage emerging adults where they are and help them discover their place and purpose—both in the church and in the world.
Gather a few of the young people in their mid to upper twenties in your church and ask them to share both what they appreciate about what your church does now to connect with them and ideas for better addressing the needs of their age group. Do not assume that they will want a programmatic response. In some contexts, we found no specific ministry program targeting post-college young adults. They seamlessly integrated into the life of the congregation. See what surfaces when you share the goal of prioritizing young people everywhere. You might even find that young adults are willing to create structures and launch ministries or initiatives themselves. Just be sure they receive adequate support from leaders as they do.
Thank Adults Who Sacrifice Personal Preferences to Prioritize Young People
In many cases, prioritizing young people everywhere means adults put aside some of their own preferences for the sake of younger generations. For the adults at First Baptist in South Gate, giving up an all-Spanish service meant more than preference—it meant risking a loss of identity. While adults in your church may not have as much to lose, these sacrifices still should be named and celebrated. One pastor shared, “We constantly express gratitude to adults from the platform by acknowledging they are very likely giving up some of their preferences around dress, music, and formality in order to reach younger people. We thank them for that gift.”
Sacrifices for the sake of young people can lead to rich relational rewards. Tony is a dad who shared how putting aside his own desires for the sake of his son deepened an otherwise ordinary practice: the daily commute to school. In the car, six-year-old Alex began requesting track 11 on his favorite worship album. Tony hated track 11. The first few times his son piped up, he ignored the request. Eventually, Tony gave in and was surprised at what happened next. Alex knew every word of the song. As he belted out the lyrics from the back of the car, Tony was transformed in the driver’s seat. Hearing Alex’s sincerity and passion flipped Tony’s opinion about track 11. It’s now his favorite song.
The adults in your congregation may or may not experience the same emotional response as Tony when asked to give up some of their preferences for the sake of young people. And in the spirit of true community, at times young people similarly need to forsake their own wants for the good of the whole. Regardless of which generation is paying the price, let’s thank them for making “track 11” sacrifices that help everyone grow young.
Chapter Highlights
• Churches that grow young are willing to make young people a priority not just in rhetoric but also in daily reality. These churches don’t assume it will happen automatically; they emphasize young people in their overall philosophy, worship gatherings, staffing, and budget.
• Prioritizing young people means prioritizing families. Parents are the strongest spiritual influences in their kids’ lives, but they need the support and partnership of the church.
• Young people need load-bearing roles in the community, meaning they contribute through serving and using their gifts.
• Good leaders and programs do not automatically lead to prioritization, nor are good intentions enough. Prioritizing young people everywhere often requires a congregational culture shift.
• Jesus invites us to grow young as we both welcome and become like children, who are exemplars in receiving the kingdom of God.
Strategic Questions to Help You Prioritize Young People Everywhere
Research Findings
On a scale of 1 to 5 (with 1 being “we’re struggling here” and 5 being “we’re nailing this”), rate your congregation on the research findings presented in this chapter:
1. Our congregation actively prioritizes young people well across the collective life and ministries of the church.
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2. Our congregation specifically invests in programming and staffing for ministry with young people (consistent with our size and resources).
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3. Parents and caregivers in our congregation feel supported in raising kids and nurturing their spiritual growth.
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4. Young people in our church serve in significant roles and know they are needed throughout the congregation.
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5. Our congregational culture supports the prioritization of young people everywhere.
1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Ideas for Action
1. What are you already doing to help prioritize young people everywhere in your congregation?
2. What evidence do you see that your church culture prioritizes young people?
3. How does your church intentionally support and partner with parents?
4. Given your ranking of the findings in the previous section, as well as the ideas you’ve read in this chapter, what one or two shifts might you or your church want to make?
5. Who else needs to be part of this conversation?
6. What can you do in the next few weeks or months to move toward these changes?