7. Be the Best Neighbors
7. Be the Best Neighbors
Loving and Shaping Your World Well
Christianity is about the restoration of how it is all supposed to be. We have been given hope, we have been redeemed, and we have been empowered by the authority of God to go out and change this world. —Isaiah, age 20
College degree freshly in hand, Alexis moved from the Midwest to Washington, DC, convinced that she was going to change the world. Like so many young professionals, she was drawn to our nation’s capital by its high concentration of nonprofit organizations and the chance to influence national and global policy.
“Doing good” was at the top of her to-do list.
Finding a church?
Not so much.
During Alexis’s first weekend in town, she heard music coming from a festival in a nearby park and decided to check it out. She strolled through the grass, thrilled to find dozens of community organizations offering opportunities to make a difference.
Alexis was particularly drawn to a simple table with a large banner that read “Foster the City.” “Foster the City’s aim,” the two young adult volunteers shared, “is to reverse the foster care waitlist in our city. We’re going to line up more families who want to adopt than the hundreds in DC’s foster care system who need a home. It’s a huge problem and a huge goal, but we’ve been making steady progress.”
Alexis was ready to sign up and help however she could. She wasn’t in a position to adopt, but she was willing to donate and share the need with others.
As the three continued their conversation, Alexis eventually learned that these volunteers weren’t just part of a nonprofit organization—they were part of a church. The District Church.
This new church plant lived to be “a church for the city”—that was actually its motto. The church coordinated not only Foster the City in DC but also several other social justice initiatives in the surrounding neighborhoods. The more Alexis asked about the activities and overall spirit of the church, the more she felt like this was a church she could imagine joining.
While finding a church was nowhere on Alexis’s list initially, The District Church leaped to the top because of how it incarnated Jesus in its community.
One year later, when we visited her church, Alexis was deeply involved as a worship leader and small group member. When asked what she loves about her congregation, Alexis reiterated its involvement in the community. “I love that I met these people at a festival,” she said. “I didn’t need to be looking for Jesus or a church to find them. They were out there doing their thing as opposed to a lot of churches that try to get you to come to their events in the church building.”
The church’s primary focus at the festival was not to promote its Sunday service but to make its city a better place.
Alexis continued, “Everyone in our city wants to change the world, but this church makes that tangible in a manner I have never seen before in a church. It teaches you how to apply your faith to the culture so you can interact with the world as God intends.”
The District Church sacrifices neither depth nor theology as it positively engages with culture and makes a difference in the world. Alexis is hooked, and so are hundreds of young professionals and adults. Like many others that grow young, this church loves its neighbors well.
The District Church highlights how churches growing young strive to be the best neighbors, both locally and globally. They wisely maintain a delicate balance as they interact with our culture and world. On the one hand, they do not simply mimic the surrounding culture, indiscriminately patterning their lives and activities after what they see around them. On the other hand, they are not so different or separate from the world that they lose their ability to relate.
CORE COMMITMENT: BE THE BEST NEIGHBORS
Since Christian traditions use the terms the world, culture, and other synonyms broadly, we want to briefly explain our working understanding of these two important terms.
The world: We are not using this phrase with a negative connotation or as something bad that Christians should avoid. Instead, when we say “the world,” we mean almost anything that is located or takes place outside of the church walls (or, if your church doesn’t have walls, what takes place outside of formal church gatherings).
Culture: Our use of this term includes values and ideas, ethnic and gender identity, pop culture (such as media, art, fashion, technology, and music), politics, and heated issues (such as gay marriage and immigration). We’ve been helped by author and FYI research advisor Andy Crouch’s definition of culture as “what we make of the world.”1
Instead, churches that grow young recognize the careful dance that values both fidelity to Scripture’s commands for holiness and knowing and graciously loving their neighbors. This dance affects how they serve, pursue social justice, help teenagers and emerging adults find their calling, interact with popular culture, and respond to heated cultural issues. Much more than developing detailed policies or releasing theological position papers, these churches train and infuse their young people with an integrated discipleship that enables them to thrive in our complex world.
This sounds simple enough, right?
In reality, we found that offering young people a thoughtful path to neighbor well is anything but easy, even in exemplary churches. When leaders of churches that grow young were surveyed about the biggest challenges their church faces in ministering to teenagers and emerging adults, 1 out of 3 named challenges navigating culture. The most frequently named cultural obstacles included the difficulty of keeping their church relevant and the pressure on young people to conform to popular cultural norms.
As you read about churches that aim to be the best neighbors, please remember (as explained in chapter 1) that the order of core commitments in the Growing Young Wheel is flexible. In some churches, this commitment serves as an entry point to growing young; in others it comes later. Just because this is last in the Growing Young Wheel does not mean it will be last in your church. Regardless of the timing of this commitment, we’ve discovered several postures common in churches that neighbor well.
Research Findings
The Best Neighbors Ask, “Who Is My Neighbor?”
Churches that intend to be the best neighbors, and that train young people like Alexis to do likewise, try to adhere to the example set by Jesus. In Matthew 22, when an expert in the law asks Jesus to identify the greatest commandment, Jesus replies by citing Deuteronomy 6:5: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Moving beyond this familiar Jewish command, Jesus then adds a second “greatest” command that references Leviticus 19:18: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” For Jesus, love of God and love of neighbor are inseparable.
“All churches must understand, love, and identify with their local community and social setting, and yet at the same time be able and willing to critique and challenge it.”2 —Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church, New York City
Our culture is changing at what feels like an exponential rate, and it’s difficult for most of us to keep up. A quick skim of young people’s social media accounts is all it takes to reveal that their approaches to cultural issues may be a little different from, or even completely opposed to, those of older congregants.
While there are no quick or easy answers, we recommend that congregations view these differences (and this chapter) through the lenses already shared about empathizing with today’s young people (see chapter 3) and fueling a warm community (see chapter 5). Loose associations of individuals who only gather for worship and teaching will likely melt apart in the face of heated debate. Instead, churches can grow young by viewing this season as an opportunity to draw closer to one another in relationship and do the hard work of sharing life together across different generations and perspectives.
The obvious question that follows is, “Who is my neighbor?”
Thankfully, Jesus responds to this question in the famous parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:25–37. When a Jewish man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho is violently attacked, robbed, and left to die, two religious authorities (a priest and a Levite) see the man but pass by. The man’s life is saved when a Samaritan traveler stops to help. Despite being an enemy of the Jews, the Samaritan bandages the stranger’s wounds, takes him to an inn, and pays for his expenses. Unlike the religious but aloof travelers, the Samaritan enacts true neighboring.
Churches striving to be the best neighbors reflect this selfless mercy toward the people outside their congregations—whether those neighbors are friends, strangers, or enemies. They demonstrate compassion and forgiveness, even when it is within their power to turn away or inflict harm. Churches that grow young practice this mercy in a myriad of forms—in their service and social justice efforts, in their political engagement, in discussions about race and ethnic identity, and in response to pop culture. Doing so earns these churches a hearing in a culture that often otherwise dismisses them as judgmental or closed-minded.
Asking “Who is my neighbor?” helps ground young people’s response to the needs and culture around them in more than self-congratulatory benevolence. When we posture our work in the redemptive narrative of Jesus, good deeds are repositioned within Good News. Twenty-seven-year-old Tina summed up how theology shapes her congregation’s action in the community: “Our church has more than just a desire to do good. We understand that this good, this need for justice, comes from our understanding of the gospel. It’s grounded in who Jesus is, who God is, and what life is all about, not just an add-on.”
Like Tina, Alexis and hundreds of other young people are drawn to The District Church due to this rich understanding and application of the gospel. While Washington, DC, is often characterized as a city of polarization, this church trains emerging adults to engage in a careful dance, demonstrating mercy to all people—whether they be Democrats or Republicans, rich or poor, gay or straight, conservative or liberal, or any other friends or strangers who enter their neighborhood.
Hospitable Neighbors Honor What’s Good
Day after day, news headlines shout that the world is not as it should be. This reality is not lost on young people. If anything, social media relays global strife with an immediacy unknown to prior generations.
Given the pain and brokenness around us, there are times when evil needs to be called out, challenged, and overcome. While churches that grow young don’t deny the problems of the world, they consistently look to emphasize the good and to embody that good in faithful living. They understand young people are tired of congregations that define themselves by what they are against rather than what they are for.
When leaders in our study were asked, “What do you believe accounts for your church’s success at engaging young people?” nearly 1 in 3 pointed to its inclusive and open attitude toward other people and the overall culture. In addition, when teenagers, emerging adults, parents, and church volunteers were asked to name why their church is effective with young people, equally as many named this positive posture. As one pastor from Alabama described, “We definitely try to stay connected to culture. Philosophically, we don’t fear culture or treat it like the enemy.”
One twenty-something from a church in New York City wanted us to know, “The girl that I am dating was raised Muslim and was agnostic for the most part. The first time I took her to my church, I was a little nervous because I did not want her to think that it was crazy or anything like that. But it was actually a really incredible experience. The whole tone at our church is more about understanding than about doctrine, while also not pushing the doctrine aside. . . . She actually started crying in the service because she was so touched.”
Congregations that aim to be the best neighbors keep their radar tuned to the good they find in culture and those outside their church. This doesn’t imply wholehearted acceptance or that your church should pretend real differences do not exist. However, hospitable neighbors maintain both dialogue and relationship, especially when they disagree. The churches in our study did not have much trouble finding enough common ground to at least begin to have a conversation, even about controversial cultural issues. After all, as Psalm 24:1 declares, “The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it.”
Compassionate Neighbors Make Their World Better
Churches that become the best neighbors don’t stop with naming what’s good around them; they also focus on doing good, both in their neighborhood and around the world. While most leaders might guess this is important, we can’t say strongly enough how vital it is for churches to engage in service, acts of compassion, missions, and social justice.3
When interview participants in our study were asked what makes their church effective with young people, nearly 60 percent named service practices, missional practices, or generally being outward oriented. Further, when we asked leaders, “What is a practice in your congregation that indicates commitment from or growth in young people?” nearly 70 percent named young people serving in some way.
Participants in phone interviews from Trinity Church in Miami regularly repeated the phrase “we’re committed to our community.” As our team prepared to visit this large church in person, we wondered if the words would hold true or if it was merely a well-worn slogan. However, shortly after the drive from Miami’s wealthy and flashy South Beach to the understated city of Miami Gardens, where the church is located, we realized the phrase was indeed embodied by the congregation.
God is not at all surprised at the abundance of good to be found in the world. As the Dutch theologian Abraham Kuyper proclaimed, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: ‘Mine!’”4
The pastors explained their church’s strategy: “We don’t separate spiritual needs from physical, emotional, and social needs. We want to see this whole community flourish, so we do whatever it takes to make that happen.” Trinity Church invests in the local community through multiple initiatives geared to provide holistic support. Its Peacemakers Ministry provides a food pantry for neighbors (many of whom are immigrants), tutoring and counseling for children of prison inmates, and assistance with job development. The church also hosts an annual daylong event called Hope Jam that offers haircuts, dental services, healthcare enrollment, and food to thousands.
Another pastor at this church growing young emphasized, “We’ve always had a heart to get out of the church building and serve the world—but sometimes we also want to bring positive parts of the world into the church.” The congregation accomplishes this goal by renting part of its office space to government organizations and other social service agencies. Anyone who comes through the church doors during the week can receive support from the appropriate agency. This pastor continued, “When someone shows up to Trinity Church, they know we not only address their spiritual needs, but they can receive food, talk to a social worker, and have other practical needs met.”
This church’s approach to its neighbors has changed the lives of many, including Alejandro, a young person we interviewed whose family emigrated from the Caribbean when he was seven years old. With no father at home and a mom busy with multiple jobs, he tried drugs for the first time at age nine. By seventh grade, he was dealing. In eighth grade, he was bullied at school and even attempted suicide. After giving his life to Christ in a mental hospital and completing an Alcoholics Anonymous program, he returned to high school for his freshman year. Thankfully, he was immediately connected to a Christian club that meets on the school campus and is led by students from Trinity Church.
“An emphasis on our role as neighbor as part of our identity . . . [reminds] us of our shared cultural and geographical spaces and the fact that proximity brings responsibility. Even apart from Jesus’ call to love our neighbor, we know that our common flourishing depends on one another.”5 —Makoto Fujimura, artist, writer, and director of Fuller Seminary’s Brehm Center for Worship, Theology, and the Arts
Within a few short weeks, Alejandro was regularly attending Trinity’s worship services and was connected to a Christian mentor. “I love this church, man,” he shared with our research team. “Trinity has shown me I can let go of all the negative images I’ve held of myself, because God loves me no matter what. Anyone could show up to this church on their worst day and it will turn your life around.”
Now a young adult, Alejandro has a healthy self-image, is doing well in school, and serves on the church’s hospitality team. He keeps his eyes open for other hurting young people and supports them through listening and encouragement—just like the church did for him years ago.
Patient Neighbors Respect the Journey as Much as the Destination
When participants in phone interviews were asked how they would describe their church to a Christian friend, 43 percent focused on the church’s accepting nature. This was confirmed during our site visits, as Alexis and nearly 200 other young people from the 12 congregations we observed unpacked how their church interacts with cultural issues. Teenagers and emerging adults consistently described how much they care about their church’s process or journey for arriving at particular beliefs, positions, and statements. Especially when it comes to heated cultural issues like politics, interreligious dialogue, or homosexuality, a church’s predetermined agenda can become hard for young people to stomach. When churches seem closed to dialogue, young people often look elsewhere for more palatable conversations about issues that matter most to them.
While the churches in our study are anything but theological lightweights, they often demonstrate a generous spirit when it comes to differing opinions. When interview participants describe their church, they are eight times more likely to mention the diversity of beliefs in their church than the similarities.
At Flood Church, young people were quick to share that they feel comfortable bringing their friends because they know the teaching will proclaim biblical truth without judging people who are not yet ready to embrace that truth. “Our youth pastor is big on saying, ‘Come as you are.’ That makes it easy to promise our friends they won’t be judged for not being Christians yet,” one high school junior shared. No matter where churches growing young fall on the theological spectrum, they place emphasis on essential beliefs that can be shared rather than exaggerating various differences. In this way, those whose beliefs do not match the church’s at least feel welcome to join the conversation.
“If you don’t understand restoration, you won’t understand the next Christians. They see themselves on a mission, partnering with God to breathe justice and mercy and peace and compassion and generosity into the world.”6 —Gabe Lyons, author and founder of Q Ideas
Interestingly, we heard from several young people who do not completely align with their church’s stance on one or more controversial issues but nevertheless remain part of the church because they respect the process by which decisions are made. One 18-year-old from Minnesota shared, “We talk about the big social issues . . . we definitely engage those. But we don’t tell people what to think about them. And that is what I really love. I have never felt awkward asking one of the leaders, ‘What do you think about this?’ because I know they’re not going to tell me exactly what to think. Instead, they engage me in conversation. And then through that, we can derive together the ways that we should live out our beliefs.”
More conversations. Less conclusions.
Respecting the journey seems particularly vital when navigating two of the most fiercely contested topics in US churches today: sexual identity and gay marriage. While it is beyond the scope of this book to suggest a resolution to these debates, they were subjects of discussion in almost all churches growing young.
While the churches in our study landed on all “sides” of these complex issues, they were united in their commitment to informed, respectful, and thoughtful dialogue. For instance, one church began every discussion on same-sex questions with a reminder of every person’s common need for the grace of God. Another church publicly asked forgiveness from the same-sex community for its past quick judgments and lack of grace, emphasizing the God who is bigger than any conflict or debate.
Furthermore, leaders of churches growing young are sensitive to making a decision or taking a particular theological stance that is perceived as shutting down discussion. Rather than make decisions in a leadership vacuum, they recognize the tensions that swirl around these issues, especially for young people who may interact every day with those who identify as LGBTQ or who may identify as having LGBTQ tendencies or attraction. These church leaders avoid making blanket statements and instead try to honor all people involved as created in God’s image. They make space for safe and honest dialogue so that everyone—both young and old—can share their questions, beliefs, and experiences.
Courageous Neighbors Embrace Ethnic Diversity
Ethnic diversity is on the radar of teenagers and emerging adults, possibly even more so than for other age groups. When asked to describe their church, 1 out of 5 young people ages 24 to 29 mentioned ethnic diversity. However, only 1 in 10 church leaders or older adults within these same churches chose to highlight diversity.
As we shared in chapter 3, racial and ethnic diversity are an everyday reality for today’s young people. Yet most denominations and churches in the US represent an overwhelmingly monocultural tribe.7 Given young people’s awareness of racial and ethnic diversity, as well as the lack of this diversity in many churches, our research team was encouraged that almost one-third of the churches in our study were multiracial.
“The American church needs to face the inevitable and prepare for the next stage of her history—we are looking at a nonwhite majority, multiethnic American Christianity in the immediate future. Unfortunately, despite these drastic demographic changes, American evangelicalism remains enamored with an ecclesiology and a value system that reflect a dated and increasingly irrelevant cultural captivity and are disconnected from both a global and a local reality.”8 —Soong-Chan Rah, North Park Theological Seminary
“Racial reconciliation is not the goal. The goal is the gospel. The gospel is to love the people in your neighborhood, at work, and at the gym. Those are the people we’re asked to engage with as we live out the gospel. At our church we are asked, ‘What does your dinner table look like? Who are you inviting into your home?’ Life change comes when your table has people who are different from you. Reconciliation is part of the gospel.” —Jamar, age 29
At Fellowship Memphis, an intentionally multiethnic congregation that is growing young, every conversation traces back to two topics: the gospel and racial reconciliation. The second is never mentioned without the first.
Young people nationwide are often confused and frustrated when they look around their school or their favorite coffeehouse and see others who look different but then show up to a church service where everyone looks the same. At Fellowship Memphis, the diversity of church members mirrors the diverse city of Memphis. As one high school student from the church noted, “In my public school, everyone’s integrated. But when it comes to churches, there’s so much segregation in town. Our church is more like the school. When I bring a friend, they’re like, ‘Oh wow, this is different than my church.’”
ETHNIC DIVERSITY AND EFFECTIVENESS WITH YOUNG PEOPLE OFFER A COMPLEX PICTURE
When we explored the effectiveness of churches with higher levels of diversity, the findings were complex. Across various analyses, diverse churches in our study (those with 80 percent or less from the same ethnicity, meaning at least 20 percent come from one or more additional ethnicities) fare better than non-diverse churches in ratings of church health as well as the faith maturity of young people.9 However, as churches achieve greater than 80 percent diversity (moving closer to only 70 percent or 60 percent of the congregation representing the same race), they report incrementally lower levels of health and faith maturity.
Our interpretation of these results is that when a congregation is less than 20 percent diverse, something important is lost—at least when it comes to engaging young people. But as a church increases diversity and gets closer to half (or less) of congregation members representing one primary racial/ethnic group, the work of church life and ministry gets harder. When we talked with our project’s non-White advisors about these findings, they resonated with the challenge that as diversity increases, so does complexity.
For example, one founding pastor of a multiethnic congregation in our study noted that while their congregation began about 70 percent White and young, over time that population shifted to represent more of the church’s predominantly African American neighborhood. Having an African American pastor helped bridge this gap. But the more multiethnic the church became, the more issues of race, class, immigration, and language surfaced. This pastor reflected, “You can’t separate a deep commitment to discipleship from a deep commitment to reconciliation. If a leader can’t handle that level of tension, they’ll talk about unity and harmony without going really deep into reconciliation for fear of implosion. This limits how much you can bear one another’s burdens.” While there are understandably many challenges with significant levels of diversity, we’re encouraged by the increasing number of churches and church leaders who pursue this diversity and recognize it as a practical extension of the gospel.
RACIAL INJUSTICE: AIM FOR UNDERSTANDING FOLLOWED BY ACTION
Informed by social media, young people today are often immediately aware of racially charged acts of violence or potential racial injustice when it bursts onto the public scene. Teenagers and emerging adults long for space to dialogue, speak honestly about hard issues, and lament and pray on behalf of those directly affected. When young people’s churches (especially predominantly White churches) say nothing in response, that silence speaks volumes.
As we talked about diversity with our project’s advisors, there was a fair amount of confusion, with some members of the conversation feeling frustrated—and even convicted—that despite their intentionality, their ministries weren’t as diverse as they desired, or as our nation is. The discussion turned a positive corner thanks to an insight from Dr. Virginia Ward, former New England Black Campus Ministries Director for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship who is now Director of Leadership and Mentored Ministry at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. Virginia wisely offered, “We know that you do not get it. We are waiting for you to know that you do not get it. Come to us and say, ‘Help me understand.’”
As you think about ways you “do not get it,” as well as people who can help you “get it,” how might you practice this posture in conversation in the next few weeks?
“Our church talks about how the Bible highlights all the tribes worshiping together in heaven. My church is a reflection of that. It’s so diverse, it’s not even a thing. You’re a person, I’m a person. There are no barriers.” —Dawson, age 18
Equitable Neighbors Seek Socioeconomic Diversity
Churches growing young don’t stop at ethnic diversity; they also pursue socioeconomic diversity. As one Roman Catholic leader commented, “What I love about our parish is that during a recent mass, in one of the back pews sat a man I know who is homeless. Sitting right next to him was the vice president of one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the country. One is a multimillionaire and one has next to nothing, but they’re in the same pew. That’s what our parish is all about.”
While the 12 congregations we visited in person each pursued socioeconomic diversity in different ways, it was a demonstrated value in nearly every church. Churches that want to be the best neighbors seem especially aware of their ministry to, and inclusion of, the poor.
Wise Neighbors Help Young People Discover Their Calling
As chapter 3 highlighted, today’s 25-year-olds can often seem like 15-year-olds, and vice versa. When it comes to discovering their purpose, young people often struggle to find the right paths for both their vocational calling and their calling to serve their community. Like a GPS app offering six potential routes to a destination, life gives teenagers and emerging adults an overwhelming array of options that prove difficult to sort out. In the midst of that confusion, we believe the church is much better positioned than a school guidance counselor to help young people discover all God has for their future.
Churches that grow young provide this vocational guidance by helping teenagers and emerging adults locate themselves and their work in light of a grand narrative.10 This narrative gives their lives greater meaning and purpose than simply “finding a job that pays the bills.” Many of the 200 Christian young people we interviewed in our church visits highlighted how the Christian story is giving shape and context to their biggest questions and dreams. It helps them step away from hyperindividualism and consumerism and toward participating in what God is doing in our world. This story also provides teenagers and emerging adults with guidance about why their plans might not always work out to their satisfaction, guarding against the negative effects of jaded realism.
Tonya, a 24-year-old recent college graduate, shared, “My church makes me feel like being a young person is not just important but crucial in the body of the church. It communicates, ‘You are important and your time now matters maybe more than ever.’ That message has stayed with me and is a good voice I need in the back of my head when I feel like I am just waiting for my life to start. It has changed how I see my life and purpose as a young adult.”
Churches like Tonya’s recognize the gifts of emerging adults and serve as mentoring communities where young people can discover their identity, nurture a sense of belonging, and find purpose. They help young people identify their particular vocational fit during a time of seemingly unlimited options. One medium-sized suburban church in our study accomplished this by turning its young adult Bible study into a small group that explored questions of vocation and calling. Another small congregation developed a 10-week series on similar topics that they repeat yearly, inviting new young people to journey alongside more seasoned adults as they discover purposeful work.
The Best Neighbors Avoid Common Pitfalls
When it comes to engaging with our world, churches that grow young successfully avoid four common pitfalls that often trip up other congregations.
AIMING FOR PERFECTION
When interview participants in our study were asked to rate how true particular statements are of their church, one of the lowest average ratings (3.72 out of 5) was “teaching people how to interact with cultural and societal issues.” Even in churches that are strong and healthy, participants feel there is room to grow in their cultural engagement. However, when asked how true it is that their church emphasizes social justice or serving others in need, respondents ranked their congregations at 4.47 out of 5.
Young people seem to appreciate their church’s good intentions and initial action in neighboring well, even when not done perfectly.11 One emerging adult from the Northeast shared, “My friends and I need more than the cynicism we’re offered by the world and wider culture. Our church offers more, and that’s why it’s attractive to younger people.”
COPYING AND COMPETING
Given young people’s high value on authenticity and their uncanny ability to sniff out someone or something that’s fake, churches that grow young do not attempt to copy the culture around them or compete with the entertainment industry. That’s wise given that young people in our survey expressed skepticism about churches that try too hard to be relevant.
Grace, a youth pastor from Florida, reflected, “We resist the temptation to entertain them simply because we are in an entertainment culture. If we were trying to entertain our young people, they would sense some inauthenticity and likely leave the church. There are such better forms of entertainment out there.”
CONDEMNING AND CRITIQUING
Teenagers and emerging adults today know what their church is against. Trust us. The so-called Christian mantra to “love the sinner but hate the sin” has more than done its job . . . at least when it comes to the second part of the statement.
While condemning and critiquing might occasionally be useful, churches that grow young seem to take that posture sparingly. Research advisor Andy Crouch envisions a more positive strategy: “The only way to change culture is to create more of it . . . something that will persuade our neighbors to set aside some existing set of cultural goods for our new proposal.”12
This approach of creating “more culture” is certainly true of The District Church. Given its location in Washington, DC, it is surrounded by groups that condemn and critique each other. Rather than enter the endless debates as one more negative voice, the church seeks to listen to what is happening in the wider world. They next ask what unique contribution a Christian community could make, and then try to make that response a reality. This posture is certainly what has drawn Alexis and other young people to the church.
FINDING THE ONE “RIGHT” PROGRAM, CAUSE, OR SOCIAL JUSTICE ISSUE
When we presented these findings to a group of leaders, we were asked a logical question: “When it comes to making a difference in the world, does your research show that it’s better to serve locally or globally? And does it matter what cause or justice issue churches choose?”
The short answer is no.
The longer answer is that while the churches in our study were nearly universal in talking about the importance of service, exactly how they serve is all over the map. Literally. Churches practice being good neighbors through participating in global and local mission trips, volunteering inside the church, serving outside the church, raking leaves for the elderly, volunteering in a soup kitchen, building houses, leading advocacy work and immigration support, coordinating anti–sex trafficking efforts, practicing racial reconciliation, caring for the environment, picking up trash in their city, and exploring social entrepreneurship.
More important than finding the “right” cause is that the issue is meaningful to those involved. The leaders of churches growing young are able to discover what is meaningful because they listen to those in their congregation and community. They pay attention to statements like, “I really care about this issue,” or, “I felt alive when I was serving there.”
By listening to what’s meaningful to their own people, churches that grow young strategically avoid adding endless new causes to an already full church calendar or budget. They also allow their people’s interests to sprout new ministries without feeling like they have to support vast infrastructure. These catalytic churches empower their members to launch additional causes at a grassroots level or to get involved with organizations in the community that are already doing great work. Justin, a 23-year-old from a nondenominational church, shared, “At our church, everybody has something they care about, and the church doesn’t need to rubber-stamp your passion before you can do it. We want the kind of environment where people are empowered and released to pursue what they care about and bring people around them to get involved. So we have an anti-trafficking small group, HIV/AIDS small group, and much more.”
Ideas for Action
As you review the following ideas, perhaps make notes in the margin. Mark if the idea is a fit for your church, who should implement the idea (you or another leader), and whether it can happen now or later. Please don’t try to do everything—instead, aim for two or three ideas that you can act on now. Then at the end of the chapter, use the strategic questions to guide your church toward a specific plan to be the best neighbors.
Know Your Neighborhood
Being the best neighbor begins by understanding who your neighbors are. Luckily, the US census provides an in-depth and regularly updated overview of your neighborhood. Visit Census.gov to tap into a big-picture understanding of the demographics of your city or zip code. Pay attention to your neighborhood’s household income, ethnic and age diversity, and poverty and education levels. Does anything surprise you? How do the results match the demographics of your church? Based on the data about your community, what do you wish was different about your church?
Gather a group to study your community more intently based on what you learn through census data. Host gatherings with neighbors, informally survey members of the community about their needs, meet with local government and law enforcement workers, and catalog existing services via nonprofits and other local ministries. All this data can build a more complete picture of your community’s existing assets and biggest needs.
Pursuing diversity at a level that matches your surrounding community is not just a good thing to do—it’s likely critical for the future of your church. Not convinced? As of 2012, over half of children younger than age one in the US were non-White.13 These kids and their parents will be ready to join your children’s ministry, youth group, and church in the near future—but will they feel like they fit?
Diversify Your Contacts
Would you like your church to have greater diversity but aren’t quite sure how to reach that goal? Instead of focusing on your church, first focus on your own circle of contacts. Take out your cell phone and scroll through the contact list. Write down the number of people you have talked to in the last week or two who come from an ethnic group other than your own.14
If the number is lower than you hoped, create a plan to help you build relationships with people from other ethnic groups. Consider aiming for at least five friendships as a starting point (or adjust higher based on your context). Perhaps there are other church leaders in your city or denomination you could connect with who are of a different ethnicity. If you’re a parent, maybe you could have coffee or dinner with the parents of one of your own children’s friends.
Brush Up on Culture through Systematic Listening
Do you still own a VCR?
Have you ever used a phone that wasn’t “smart”?
When someone says “cookies,” is the first image that comes to your mind edible?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, your perspective on today’s culture might need a bit of freshening up. Churches that grow young are marked by their regular and systematic practice of listening to the world around them. They not only practice listening as individuals but also gather other leaders and volunteers to reflect upon what they have heard in various conversations. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
• Listen to a few of the most popular songs in the country right now—alone or with others. What do they tell you about our culture and what’s important to the millions who listened to these songs in the last week? If it feels natural, try referencing an artist’s name during your next sermon or small group—you might be surprised by how quickly young people perk up!
• Take a 45-minute walking tour of the neighborhood around your church property with a journal or note-taking app on your phone at the ready. Who are your neighbors? What seems to be important to them? How might your church better connect with them?
• Spend some time at the mall. Not just as a customer, but as a cultural detective. Park yourself on a bench near the food court around dinnertime and simply observe. Enter a few stores you typically pass by, especially those that cater to youth culture. What do the signs, fashions, and topics of conversation around you communicate?
“As a pastor, you need to know your Scripture and theology, but this can create a natural disconnect from people. You need to know people, listen to people, and form your theology in the streets and not just behind the desk.” —Eugene Cho, Quest Church
Survey Says . . .
Conduct a survey of your congregation. One of the churches in our study does so every year, especially because its population consists of transient young professionals so its community is constantly shifting. For any congregation, survey results can offer guidance on preaching and small group topics, staffing, and program offerings.
This was the case for Sam, the associate pastor of one church growing young:
We conducted a church-wide survey and were shocked when we realized how many single people are part of our community. Most of our preaching and programming was targeted to married couples with kids. As a result, we hired an additional pastor who can better address the needs of single people and that ministry is growing. Our pastor also adapted how he preaches, now including single people in his examples. We also realized we needed to talk more about sex and dating, which we did. For that series, we had four times the number of people show up as normal. It was a lesson for us that too few churches are talking about topics like these.
There are plenty of companies you can pay to conduct a survey for you, or get a team together and design your own. If there is a young person in your congregation who is a marketing major in college, they might even be able to coordinate it for class credit. Whatever method you choose, gather personal demographic information such as age, gender, education level, ethnicity, marital status, income level, and birthplace. Other potential questions include:
• How long have you attended our church?
• How often do you attend our church?
• In what programs/activities do you participate? What do you value about them?
• What attracted you to our church (friend/family member, internet search, preaching, worship style, service opportunity, reputation in the community, or something else)?
• What are your favorite aspects of our church?
• What would you like to change or improve about our church?
• Is there a story you could share about how our church has made a positive impact in your own life?
Craft a Theology of Culture
Are you aware of your theology of culture and how it contributes to your church’s interactions with the world outside your doors? The teenagers and emerging adults in your church can sense your theology, even though they may never use the term.
Gather your leadership or volunteer team (and maybe a few teenagers or emerging adults also) to discuss three critical questions:
• What do our current actions and public communication (website, position papers, etc.) reveal (either explicitly or implicitly) about our posture toward culture and the world around us?
• What do we actually believe about how our church should interact with culture and the world around us? (As you answer this question, engage with our emphasis on story in chapter 4, pages 138–40.)
• As we compare what we actually believe to what we currently communicate, what are two or three shifts our church needs to make in order to be the best neighbors?
Tackle a Difficult Topic with Grace
What’s a difficult contemporary topic that you don’t want to talk about with your small group, volunteers, leadership team, or overall church . . . but know you need to? In some churches we visited, it was money. For others, it was immigration reform. While the topics vary, churches that grow young don’t sidestep these issues; they make sure their conversations are flavored with the unity that comes only through our bonds in Christ.
One way to emphasize this unity is to take time to share the Lord’s Supper (also known as Communion or the Eucharist) together before jumping into the discussion.
The pastor of a church I (Jake) used to attend advocated for Communion before any potentially divisive discussion. He reasoned there was no greater unifying activity than sharing the body and blood of Christ together, recognizing our common sin and the source of our salvation.
Designate one member of the group to remind everyone of the unity we have in Christ. As difficult topics are tackled, if tensions start to boil over, pause. Have the designated person remind everyone of the ritual you have just shared together. Even when conversations get heated, our common solidarity, demonstrated through Communion, outweighs the differences among us.
Take a few seconds of silence so everyone can reflect on the uniting power of Jesus Christ.
Then continue the discussion. Repeat as necessary.
Start Locally: A Research-Driven Church Strategy, Not Just a Popular Slogan
While young people like Alexis value mission trips to faraway places and tend to be globally aware, they also value making a difference in their own backyard. So much so that even when we as researchers thought that the churches we visited were doing amazing work in their local communities, the teenagers and emerging adults in those churches often wished their congregations were doing even more.
One large parish channeled their young people’s passion to serve their local community into an extensive ministry to feed and clothe neighbors who are homeless. This focus on those who are homeless is now much more than a simple program or ministry strategy. It has shaped the psyche and relationships of the church as a whole. A young adult shared that one of his church friends who was homeless attended his wedding ceremony at the church. A friend from work (who did not attend the church) approached the groom and commented, “Did you see that a bum is here at your wedding? Can you believe that?”
“The secret to reaching the world is first reaching your world. When you reach your world, it’s amazing how your world starts expanding to reach the world.” —Erwin Raphael McManus
The groom responded, “He’s not a bum. He’s one of us.”
Your church might have neighbors who are homeless whom you could get to know and serve. Or you could take students on a mission “trip” where you stay and work in your own town. No matter what you choose, make your decision based on carefully listening to your local neighborhood.
Expand Globally: Mission and Justice as a Two-Way Street
While starting locally is important, being the best neighbors also includes our worldwide neighbors. Your church likely has plenty of requests coming to you from global churches or international mission and aid organizations. Based on our research, we want to offer one piece of advice as you pursue this service.
Make your mission and justice work a two-way street.
When we discussed this topic with our project’s advisors, several leaders highlighted the “savior complex” prevalent in many of our churches. We talk and act as though we (who have things all together) are going to save them (who are desperately in need of our help). We who want our churches to grow young should adopt an opposite posture. We need to be honest with all generations that Jesus is the One who saves and that we often end up benefiting more than those we serve.15
As you prepare a team to travel globally, reflect on the following questions:16
• How do we move service beyond “spiritual tourism”?
• How can our service work be part of God’s kingdom justice?
• What are the most important theological threads that should weave their way through our service?
• How does service contribute to teenagers’ and emerging adults’ identity development?
• What does it look like to develop true reciprocal partnerships with those we’re serving?
Partner Up
If your church is running all of its own community service efforts, you’re likely putting undue pressure on yourself and potentially offering a lower quality of service than if you identified strategic partners. One church in the Pacific Northwest wanted to provide practical training for parents on topics ranging from handling tantrums to planning for college. Rather than launch the entire training program on their own, they recognized that the local YMCA shared a similar mission. They now partner with the YMCA to offer six weeks of parent training several times per year. Parents from the community often feel more comfortable attending training seminars at this neutral location, and the church staff and volunteers still have the chance to build relationships with their neighbors. Further, both parents and church staff gain significant knowledge from the YMCA teachers on areas outside their own expertise.
As you dream about how to be the best neighbors, instead of launching a brand-new ministry on your own, spend time with the members of your leadership team or mission committee brainstorming local social organizations with whom you could partner. Better yet, consider having each member of your team join one local board, task force, or school council in order to enter on the ground level of the needs of your community.
One multiethnic church that is growing young has met in a local school for the past 10 years. The pastor shared that they’re soon planning to launch a building campaign, but not to build a church. They want to build a community center in which the church will rent space. Six days out of the week, the building will host community-based activities. Sundays and occasional slots during the rest of the week will be dedicated to the church’s activities. In this way, the church will keep its identity as a guest rather than an owner. The pastor sees this mindset as vital to preventing their church from getting too comfortable. It also helps blur the line between “inside the church” and “outside the church” and keeps the congregation connected to the local community.
Another large congregation that holds worship services in a high school auditorium sees its school partnership as critical to being good neighbors. The pastoral staff and school administration have built strong relationships—so strong that the principal actually provided a location for one pastor to hold regular on-campus office hours! The church donates back-to-school supplies and provides parking volunteers for graduation. The church and high school even co-sponsor a weeklong summer sports camp for elementary kids staffed by high school students and church members, many of whom take vacation time to lead one of the most meaningful ministries of the year. The church’s pastor of global impact reflected, “Sometimes young people are drawn to things that surprise us. We never would have guessed that being good neighbors in the community through hosting a summer camp with the high school would be so important, but young people name it as the thing they love about our church.”
Launch a Vocation Group
Like many churches, you might struggle with getting people in their twenties to show up for your ministries.
Especially that Sunday 7:30 a.m. Bible study on the book of Numbers. It hasn’t grown young in over a decade.
Given emerging adults’ desire to land on a vocation, as well as their simultaneous tendency to float from job to job, churches that grow young talk explicitly about vocation and calling. One creative church in our study hosts these conversations through vocation groups. In the midst of the confusing messages young people receive about calling, gifts, career, and vocation, these groups help sort through the clutter and bring clarity.
Rather than telling teenagers and emerging adults, “You can be anything you want to be,” journey alongside them and help them discover what God has called them to be and do. Ideas to get started include:
• Be intentional about the time commitment. Some churches growing young purposely seek a long-term commitment from young people, believing it leads to deeper impact. Instead of asking young people to make such an extended commitment, others initially aim for six to eight weeks. They believe it’s long enough to establish a rhythm and provide value but short enough that it’s easy for busy or hesitant emerging adults to say yes. Groups always have the option of continuing after the time elapses. One suburban church in our study began to offer these groups and quickly attracted young people from the community outside their church who were desperate for career support and guidance. Find whatever pace feels right for your church and start there.
• When it comes to curriculum, spend time studying passages in Scripture that address calling or different vocations.17 Share hopes and fears and pray about them together. As an alternative, the book Called: The Crisis and Promise of Following Jesus Today by Fuller Seminary president Mark Labberton is another great starting point. Labberton grounds the idea of calling in Jesus’ words to “Come, follow me” and then provides practical next steps for people to accept and live out Jesus’ invitation.18 Whether you use a book, study Scripture, or develop entirely different content, make sure you give time and space for group members to share honestly, and pray together that you would experience God in the midst of your vocational adventures.
• Encourage teenagers and emerging adults to share their testimonies, and help draw out aspects of their stories that hint at how God has wired them for different careers and ministry interests. Invite adults from a variety of professions to share their own stories as well. Perhaps create short-term or long-term mentoring relationships by matching these adults with young people who share the same vocational interests and dreams.
• Offer paid or unpaid internships at your church. Internships give emerging adults valuable tastes of vocational ministry during times of natural transition (e.g., the summer after they graduate from high school, summers during college, and immediately following college graduation). One nondenominational church in our study provides free housing for any young person who raises their own financial support for a one-year internship at the church. Another intern program thrives because of the access these college and graduate students have to mentoring from the pastoral staff. One young woman shared, “We’re given real responsibility. We’re trusted.”
Give Them a Why
Many of the young people in your church or parish want to make a difference. Your congregation has the power to help them understand why they feel this passion by locating it in God’s redemptive gospel narrative. For an upcoming sermon or small group series, think through how to help teenagers and emerging adults connect their passion for being the best neighbors with what God intended in the beginning of creation, as well as God’s future new creation.
A pastor of The District Church did just this during the weekend we visited. The title of the sermon was “Why Church?,” and he recounted why the church was founded and its hopes for the future. The thirty-something pastor shared that the big lie people in DC believe is that they can change the world outside of Christian community. In contrast, he argued that as difficult (or near impossible) as it may be to change the world on our own, it is best attempted through the defining, sustainable, Spirit-empowered work of a community of believers.
Based on the nodding heads of Alexis and hundreds of young adults in the congregation, it felt like he had struck a chord.
We’re inclined to agree.
Chapter Highlights
• Churches that grow young strive to be the best neighbors both locally and globally. They recognize the careful dance that values both fidelity to Scripture’s commands for holiness and knowing and graciously loving their neighbors.
• Offering teenagers and emerging adults a thoughtful path to neighbor well is not easy—36 percent of churches in our study named challenges navigating culture as one of their biggest barriers in ministering to young people. In the midst of this gap and confusion, we discovered several common postures of churches that aim to be the best neighbors.
• Being the best neighbors means congregations reflect mercy toward the people outside their walls by adhering to the example set by Jesus in Matthew 22:34–40 and Luke 10:25–37.
• Churches that grow young neighbor well by honoring what’s good, making their world better, and respecting the journey as much as the destination. These congregations show a neighbor love that is greater than differences in ethnicity and socioeconomic status.
• Right at the crux of young people’s vocational exploration, churches are uniquely positioned to provide mentoring communities that help teenagers and emerging adults discover their calling and become good neighbors.
Strategic Questions to Help You Be the Best Neighbors
Research Findings
On a scale of 1 to 5 (with 1 being “we’re struggling here” and 5 being “we’re nailing this”), rate your congregation on the research findings presented in this chapter:
1. Our church intentionally trains young people to be the best neighbors by modeling the selfless mercy taught and exemplified by Jesus.
1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
2. Our church’s posture toward culture honors the good while working to improve the world around us.
1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
3. Our congregation focuses on the process, or journey, for arriving at our positions and conclusions as much as on the conclusions themselves.
1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
4. Our church is satisfied with the level of ethnic and socioeconomic diversity present in our church community.
1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
5. Our congregation helps young people discover their calling in the world.
1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Ideas for Action
1. What are you already doing personally to stay in touch with the culture around you?
2. What are some of the positive and life-giving steps your congregation is taking to be the best neighbor to the world outside its doors?
3. Given your ranking of the findings in the previous section, as well as the ideas you’ve read in this chapter, what one or two shifts might you or your church want to make?
4. Who else needs to be part of this conversation?
5. What can you do in the next few weeks or months to move toward these changes?