Lesson 7
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Lesson 7
Speaking of Life and Death
(KEY VERSES: PROVERBS 4:7; 8:6–8; 10:13; 12:19, 22; 15:1, 4, 7, 18; 16:1, 21; 18:21; 19:21; 25:12, 18; 26:21; 28:23; 29:22)
Before you begin …
Getting Started
From the Commentary
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21).
When you summarize what Proverbs teaches about human speech, you end up with four important propositions: (1) speech is an awesome gift from God; (2) speech can be used to do good; (3) speech can be used to do evil; and (4) only God can help us use the gift of speech for good.
—Be Skillful, page 133
1. Is Proverbs 18:21 overstating the power of words? Why or why not? Why do words have so much power? What does this say about the Creator of words? Read John 1. How does John’s portrayal of “the Word” add insight to the message of Proverbs 18:21?
More to Consider: Read James 3:5–8. How does this passage support the message in Proverbs 18:21?
2. Read this week’s key verses (Prov. 4:7; 8:6–8; 10:13; 12:19, 22; 15:1, 4, 7, 18; 16:1, 21; 18:21; 19:21; 25:12, 18; 26:21; 28:23; 29:22). Which of these verses is most meaningful to you? Explain.
Going Deeper
From the Commentary
Right words are like nourishing, health-giving food. “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (15:4 NIV). What a wonderful thing it is to say the right words and help to heal a broken spirit! The phrase “tree of life” means “source of life” and goes back to Genesis 2:9.
The apostle Paul considered biblical doctrine to be “healthy doctrine” (“sound doctrine,” KJV) that nourishes the believer’s spiritual life. He warned Timothy to beware of anything that was “contrary to sound [healthy] doctrine” (1 Tim. 1:10), and he reminded him that the time would come when professed Christians wouldn’t “endure sound [healthy] doctrine” (2 Tim. 4:3).
—Be Skillful, page 135
3. What are some good examples of “right words” that can heal? Where do you see this being lived out in church? In the family? At work? How can words actually contribute to healing someone’s spirit?
From the Commentary
Our words can bring peace instead of war. “A soft [gentle] answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1 NKJV). “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel” (v. 18 NIV). Solomon isn’t advising us to compromise the truth and say that what’s wrong is really right. Rather, he’s counseling us to have a gentle spirit and a conciliatory attitude when we disagree with others.
—Be Skillful, page 136
4. When have you seen harsh words stir up anger? As you look at the major conflicts in your family of origin, your workplace, or other relationships, what role have words played? What is the difference between patience and sweeping conflict under the rug?
From Today’s World
Before the advent of phones, text messaging, and email, conversations between two people occurred either face-to-face or in letters. Today, many conversations are recorded in some form, and some are even broadcast to a larger audience across the Internet. Words that could have been spoken in anger, then quickly regretted in an apology, have a longer shelf-life. All people, but particularly those who hold public office or are in the public eye, have to be aware that everything they say could come back to haunt them at a later date.
5. Words have the power to heal and to hurt. How does today’s technology enhance both of those truths? What makes conversation today more challenging in light of the fact that words aren’t spoken once, then forgotten? What new wisdom must we employ in order to avoid causing unnecessary pain when speaking out on a subject or about an individual? Find a proverb or create one that might apply to today’s world of fast-paced, always-accessible communication and write that here.
From the Commentary
Our words can help restore those who have sinned. “As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient [listening] ear” (Prov. 25:12). It isn’t easy to reprove those who are wrong, and we need to do it in a meek and loving spirit (Gal. 6:1); yet it must be done. To flatter those who are disobeying God’s Word will only confirm them in their sin and make us their accomplices. “He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward than he who flatters with the tongue” (Prov. 28:23 NKJV).
—Be Skillful, page 137
6. What are some examples of words that help to restore someone who has sinned (25:12)? What does this tell us about the spiritual responsibility God has given us by giving us the gift of words? What is a proper way to use words to reprove or rebuke someone (28:23)? What common mistakes do people make when trying to do this? What role does the Holy Spirit play in our attempts to restore those who have sinned?
From the Commentary
Our words can instruct the ignorant. “The lips of the wise disperse knowledge” (Prov. 15:7). “The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction” (16:21 NIV). While there are many good and helpful things to learn in this brief life that we have on earth, the most important is the wisdom of God found in the Word of God (8:6–8). “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding” (4:7 NKJV). After we acquire wisdom, we must share it with others, for “wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning” (10:13 NIV).
—Be Skillful, pages 137–38
7. Think of examples from your experience that illustrate the truth that words can instruct. If you were the person being instructed, how did these words help you? If you were the teacher, how did you help others to learn? How do you “get understanding” (4:7)? Who are some of the discerning people in your church? Your community?
From the Commentary
We hurt others by lying. “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment” (Prov. 12:19 NIV). “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but they that deal truly are his delight” (12:22; see 6:16–17).… When words can’t be trusted, then society starts to fall apart. Contracts are useless, promises are vain, the judicial system becomes a farce, and all personal relationships are suspect. “Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is the man who gives false testimony against his neighbor” (25:18 NIV).
—Be Skillful, page 140
8. What makes lying such a temptation for us? In what ways do a “lying tongue last a moment” and truthful lips “endure forever” (12:19)? Can you think of an example that underscores the unraveling power of lies? How can dishonesty damage an entire system or government? A business? A family? What are some practical ways to avoid the temptation to fall into falsehood?
More to Consider: Read Leviticus 19:16. How does this passage support the ideas about speech that are being presented in Proverbs? What are the negative consequences of being a “talebearer”?
From the Commentary
We hurt others by speaking in anger. “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (29:22 NIV). Angry people keep adding fuel to the fire (26:21) instead of trying to find ways to put the fire out. Many people carry anger in their hearts while they outwardly pretend to be at peace with their friends, and they cover their anger with hypocritical words. If we’re inwardly angry at people, all our profuse professions of friendship are but a thin veneer over common clay.
—Be Skillful, page 142
9. In what ways do angry words “stir up dissension”? How do angry people add fuel to the fire (26:21)? How does even our unexpressed anger affect our relationships? If something or someone causes us to be angry, what is a proper, biblical response to that anger?
From the Commentary
Proverbs 16:1 has been a great help to me, especially when I’ve been called upon to give counsel: “To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue” (NIV). When you couple this with 19:21, it gives you great encouragement: “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (NIV). On many occasions, I’ve had to make decisions about complex matters, and the Lord has given me just the words to speak. However, if my heart had not been in touch with His Word and yielded to His will, the Spirit might not have been able to direct me. If we make our plans the best we can and commit them to the Lord, He’ll guide us in what we say and do.
—Be Skillful, pages 143–44
10. Where do we go to find the Lord’s purpose for our lives? What does it look like in practical terms to be in touch with God’s Word? How does being in touch with God’s Word help us to yield to His will? How can we learn to live out the truth of Proverbs 16:1 in relationship to those close to us? To casual friends and strangers? To people we don’t get along with?
Looking Inward
Take a moment to reflect on all that you’ve explored thus far in this study of “Speaking of Life and Death.” Review your notes and answers and think about how each of these things matters in your life today.
Tips for Small Groups: To get the most out of this section, form pairs or trios and have group members take turns answering these questions. Be honest and as open as you can in this discussion, but most of all, be encouraging and supportive of others. Be sensitive to those who are going through particularly difficult times and don’t press for people to speak if they’re uncomfortable doing so.
11. What are some examples in your own life of the dangerous power of negative words? If you were the recipient of these words, how did they affect you? If you were the speaker, how did they impact the recipient? Is it easy for you to control your tongue? Why or why not? What are some simple steps you can take to avoid wielding words as weapons?
12. Who are some of the people in your life who have given you “healing” words? What was the circumstance that prompted their words? Think about times when you’ve offered similar healing words to others. What role did the Holy Spirit play in helping you to respond to the need at hand?
13. When are you most tempted to lie? Why is this such a temptation for you? What potential damage could this lying cause? How can you work to overcome this temptation and instead speak the truth? What does it mean to speak the truth “in love” to someone? How can doing this have a lasting, positive impact on you and the person to whom you’re speaking?
Going Forward
14. Think of one or two things that you have learned that you’d like to work on in the coming week. Remember that this is all about quality, not quantity. It’s better to work on one specific area of life and do it well than to work on many and do poorly (or to be so overwhelmed that you simply don’t try).
Do you need to work on avoiding negative speech? Do you need to find the strength to speak the truth when tempted to lie? Be specific. Go back through the key verses in this lesson and put a star next to the phrase or verse that is most encouraging to you. Consider memorizing this verse.
Real-Life Application Ideas: Do a little research on the power of words in history and today. Review the root causes of wars to determine just how much of what sparked the conflict was based on words. Then skim the news for stories illustrating the dangers of today’s social media and how words spoken out of frustration or anger can negatively affect someone’s livelihood. Talk with a friend about your findings, and pray for wisdom and strength to avoid using words that damage others or yourself.
Seeking Help
15. Write a prayer below (or simply pray one in silence), inviting God to work on your mind and heart in those areas you’ve previously noted. Be honest about your desires and fears.
Notes for Small Groups: