Lesson 6
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Lesson 6
Family, Friends, and Neighbors
(KEY VERSES: PROVERBS 2:17; 5; 10:1; 11:9; 14:26; 19:18; 22:6, 15; 25:9–10; 27:9; 31:10–31)
Before you begin …
Getting Started
From the Commentary
The book of Proverbs is the best manual you’ll find on people skills, because it was given to us by the God who made us, the God who can teach us what we need to know about human relationships, whether it’s marriage, the family, the neighborhood, the job, or our wider circle of friends and acquaintances. If we learn and practice God’s wisdom as presented in Proverbs, we’ll find ourselves improving in people skills and enjoying life much more.
—Be Skillful, page 117
1. As you’ve read Proverbs, you’ve come across many wise sayings that are applicable to relationships. What are some of the most memorable truths you’ve discovered so far? Why do these appeal to you? How have you seen them lived out at home? At work? At church?
2. Read this week’s key verses (Prov. 2:17; 5; 10:1; 11:9; 14:26; 19:18; 22:6, 15; 25:9–10; 27:9; 31:10–31). Which of these verses is most meaningful to you? Explain.
Going Deeper
From the Commentary
King Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:3), and in so doing he disobeyed God’s law—by multiplying wives (Deut. 17:17), and by taking these wives from pagan nations that didn’t worship Jehovah, the true and Living God (Ex. 34:16; Deut. 7:1–3). Eventually, these women won Solomon over to their gods, and the Lord had to discipline Solomon for his sins (1 Kings 11:4ff.).
In contrast to this, the book of Proverbs magnifies the kind of marriage that God first established in Eden: one man married to one woman for one lifetime (Gen. 2:18–25; Matt. 19:1–9). The husband is to love his wife and be faithful to her (Prov. 5). The wife is not to forsake her husband and seek her love elsewhere (2:17). They are to enjoy one another and grow in their love for each other and for the Lord.
—Be Skillful, page 118
3. In what ways might Solomon’s experience have prepared him to speak truthfully about marriage? Why do you think he focuses on the “one man, one woman” marriage described in Genesis, despite the facts that tell us he had many wives and concubines? How does God creatively use Solomon’s experience to teach us the truth about the marriage relationship?
More to Consider: In the time of the Israelites, marriages were arranged by the parents. Today, it is more typical for two people to meet and fall in love before getting married. How does today’s system create unique challenges compared to couples who, in ancient days, would simply have learned to love each other over time because the decision to get married wasn’t theirs in the first place?
From the Commentary
The finest description of the ideal wife is found in 31:10–31. This poem is an acrostic with the initial words of the twenty-two verses all beginning with successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet (see Ps. 119). This acrostic form was a device to help people commit the passage to memory. Perhaps Jewish parents instructed their sons and daughters to memorize this poem and use it as a guide for their lives and in their homes.
—Be Skillful, pages 119–20
4. What does Proverbs 31:10–31 say about the ideal wife? What are her characteristics? What is appealing about this description? What are the challenges of understanding and implementing the wisdom in this passage today? What does the rest of Proverbs tell us about what women should look for in a husband?
From Today’s World
There is an ongoing conversation about the relative merits of a stay-at-home mom versus a working mom. In a time of economic uncertainty, it’s not uncommon for both parents to be working full-time, and even when things are good in the economy, some moms choose to work outside the home. This can, for some, cause feelings of guilt or uncertainty in light of what is taught in Proverbs 31.
5. How does Proverbs 31 address the question of a wife’s helping to provide for the family’s financial well-being? Why is the idea of a working mom considered controversial to some Christians? Can working moms also pursue the ideals revealed in Proverbs 31? How, or why not?
From the Commentary
The secret of a godly woman’s life is that she fears the Lord (31:30). It’s wonderful if a wife has charm and beauty; the possession of these qualities is not a sin. But the woman who walks with the Lord and seeks to please Him has a beauty that never fades (1 Peter 3:1–6). The man who has a wife who daily reads the Word, meditates, prays, and seeks to obey God’s will, has a treasure that is indeed beyond the price of rubies.
—Be Skillful, page 122
6. What does it mean for a woman to “fear the Lord”? What are some practical ways a wife or mom can go about pleasing God? How are these ways similar to and different from the ways a husband or dad does the same?
From the Commentary
Along with the basic necessities of physical life, what should the godly home provide for the children?
When parents walk with God, they give their children a heritage that will enrich them throughout their lives. Godliness puts beauty within the home and protection around the home. “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge” (14:26 NIV). The world wants to penetrate that fortress and kidnap our children and grandchildren, but godly parents keep the walls strong and the spiritual weapons ready.
Every parent should pray and work so that their children will have spiritual wisdom when the time comes for them to leave the home. “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother” (10:1 NKJV; see 15:20; 23:15–16, 24–25; 27:11; 29:3).
—Be Skillful, pages 123–24
7. What are the most practical ways parents can help teach their children the ways of the Lord? How do they pass along spiritual wisdom? What is the “secure fortress” available to those parents who fear the Lord (14:26)?
From the Commentary
Discipline has to do with correcting character faults in a child while there is still time to do it (22:15). Better the child is corrected by a parent than by a law enforcement officer in a correctional institution. “Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction” (19:18 NKJV). I prefer the New International Version translation of the second clause: “do not be a willing party to his death.” A vote against discipline is a vote in favor of premature death. (See 23:13–14.)
—Be Skillful, page 125
8. What does Solomon have to say about discipline in 19:18; 22:15; and 23:13–14? Why is discipline important in a Christian home? How have these verses been used to justify child abuse? What motivates some parents to impose too little discipline in their children’s lives? Do you think Solomon is being overly dramatic in 23:13–14? Why or why not?
From the Commentary
Certainly it’s true that children raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord can stray from God, but they can never get away from the prayers of their parents or the seed that’s been planted in their hearts. Parents should never despair but keep on praying and trusting God to bring wayward children to their senses. But that isn’t what Proverbs 22:6 is speaking about. Like the other proverbs, it’s not making an ironclad guarantee but is laying down a general principle.
—Be Skillful, page 126
9. What comfort is there in the prayers of parents when a child has lost his or her way? How can this help parents to avoid despairing? If Proverbs 22:6 isn’t offering a guarantee, what is the purpose of the principle it presents?
From the Commentary
True friends know how to keep a confidence. “If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man’s confidence, or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your bad reputation” (25:9–10 NIV).
This leads to the next important quality for true friends and good neighbors: the ability to control the tongue. “With his mouth, the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape” (Prov. 11:9 NIV).
Faithful friends and neighbors counsel and encourage each other. “Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel” (Prov. 27:9 NKJV).
—Be Skillful, pages 127–29
10. What is the point of Solomon’s teaching on friendships? What sorts of situations do you think prompted this wise teaching? What are some of the ways people “destroy” their neighbors with their mouths? How can faithful friends and neighbors be encouragements to each other (27:9)?
Looking Inward
Take a moment to reflect on all that you’ve explored thus far in this study of “Family, Friends, and Neighbors.” Review your notes and answers and think about how each of these things matters in your life today.
Tips for Small Groups: To get the most out of this section, form pairs or trios and have group members take turns answering these questions. Be honest and as open as you can in this discussion, but most of all, be encouraging and supportive of others. Be sensitive to those who are going through particularly difficult times and don’t press for people to speak if they’re uncomfortable doing so.
11. What are some of the wise sayings from Proverbs that you’ve applied to your relationships? How have those truths helped your relationships? What are some of the proverbs you wish you could embrace more fully? How would you go about doing that?
12. If you are a wife, how do you react to the message of Proverbs 31? If you’re a husband, what is your reaction? What are the key points in this passage that apply today? What are some of the universal truths that can apply to both married women and single women? Do you think the “Proverbs 31” woman is a good goal for women to aspire to? Why or why not?
13. If you are a parent, what are some of the ways you help teach your children in spiritual matters? What are some things you could do better? Looking back at your childhood, were you raised in the nurture of the Lord? If so, how did that help prepare you for your life in Christ today? If not, what path did God lead you down to bring you to where you are today? How can your experience help to inform a right way to raise your own children?
Going Forward
14. Think of one or two things that you have learned that you’d like to work on in the coming week. Remember that this is all about quality, not quantity. It’s better to work on one specific area of life and do it well than to work on many and do poorly (or to be so overwhelmed that you simply don’t try).
Do you need to address the way you interact in your marriage? Do you need to be more deliberate in how you raise your children so they might choose to follow Christ? Be specific. Go back through the key verses in this lesson and put a star next to the phrase or verse that is most encouraging to you. Consider memorizing this verse.
Real-Life Application Ideas: If you’re married, seek out and make plans to attend a marriage seminar with your spouse. Use that time to grow closer together and learn how to be good encouragers to one another. If you’re single, spend time exploring what Scripture has to say about romantic relationships and consider attending a singles group at your church to grow your wisdom about relationships.
Seeking Help
15. Write a prayer below (or simply pray one in silence), inviting God to work on your mind and heart in those areas you’ve previously noted. Be honest about your desires and fears.
Notes for Small Groups: