Chapter Fourteen: Patience
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Patience
Clothe yourselves with . . . patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.
COLOSSIANS 3:12-13
Christian character is like a single garment woven from threads of varying colors and shades. From a distance the garment appears to be a single color, but closer examination reveals that it takes a combination of different colored threads to produce the overall effect. The casual observer is not too concerned with those various threads; he notices and appreciates the garment’s overall effect. But the creator of that cloth has to consider each thread individually, ensuring that the right shades and colors correctly follow the pattern of the design.
Some of the traits of godly character appear to blend together much as different shades of thread in a garment or colors in a rainbow. Patience, for example, closely resembles joy and peace in its effect upon our lives. The word patience, as we use it in everyday speech, actually stands for several different words in the New Testament and is used to describe a godly reaction to a variety of situations. These different words and usages blend together to produce an overall quality.
The truly patient Christian must display godly patience in all of the various circumstances requiring it. Just as the designer and weaver of a beautiful cloth must consider each thread individually, so the Christian who desires to grow in patience must give attention to each facet of this quality as it applies to his life.
SUFFERING MISTREATMENT
One aspect of patience involves enduring abuse. The biblical response to suffering at the hands of others is called long-suffering in the King James Version, and that rendering perhaps best describes its meaning. This aspect of patience is the ability to suffer a long time under the mistreatment of others without growing resentful or bitter. The occasions for exercising this quality are numerous; they vary from malicious wrongs all the way to seemingly innocent practical jokes. They include ridicule, scorn, insults, and undeserved rebukes, as well as outright persecution. The Christian who is the victim of office politics or organizational power plays must react with long-suffering. The believing husband or wife who is rejected or mistreated by an unbelieving spouse needs this kind of patience.
The apostle Paul especially stressed the need for long-suffering in the life of a godly person. He mentions it in his first letter to the Corinthians, in his list of qualities that characterize love. He includes it as one of the nine traits that he calls the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. When he describes to the Ephesians a life worthy of God’s calling, he includes the trait of long-suffering. He also includes it when he gives the Colossians a list of godly qualities with which Christians should clothe themselves. He stresses it to the Thessalonians and commends his own life to the Corinthians and to Timothy partly because patience is one of his character traits.
How can we grow in this aspect of patience that suffers long under the ill-treatment of others? First, we must consider the justice of God. In his instructions to slaves who needed to be patient under the unjust treatment of harsh masters, Peter tells them to follow the example of Christ: “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Note that the opposite of retaliation is to entrust ourselves to God, who judges justly. God’s justice is absolute, and, as Paul reminds us in Romans 12:19, He promises us, “I will repay.”
One of the thoughts that most disturbs a suffering Christian who has not learned patience is this issue of justice. He is concerned that his tormentor will escape justice, that he will not receive the punishment he deserves. The patient Christian who suffers leaves this issue in the hands of God. He is confident that God will render justice, though he knows that this may not occur until the time of our Lord’s return (see 2 Thessalonians 1:6-7). Instead of hoping and waiting for an opportunity for revenge, he prays for God’s forgiveness of his tormentors, just as Jesus and the martyr Stephen prayed for their executioners.
To develop patience in the face of mistreatment by others, we must also develop a conviction about the faithfulness of God to work on our behalf. Peter tells us that “those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good” (1 Peter 4:19). We should entrust ourselves to God’s justice and commit ourselves to His faithfulness. God will deal not only in justice (and we pray, in mercy) with our tormentor but also in faithfulness with us.
Joseph exemplified such a commitment to the faithfulness of God. After he had been abused by his brothers, he was able to say to them, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20). God can and does take the deliberately harmful acts of others and turn them into acts for good, both for us and for others. The person who is patient under mistreatment by others is the person who has developed such a confidence in the wisdom, power, and faithfulness of God that he willingly entrusts his circumstances into His hands.
RESPONDING TO PROVOCATION
The aspect of patience that is called long-suffering is also used to describe the response of the godly person to provocation by others. I use the word provocation to denote those actions of others that tend to arouse our anger or wrath —that cause us to lose our temper. Unlike mistreatment by others, which is often out of our control, provocation finds us in a position of power to do something about it. It may come in the form of defiance of our authority —a parent, teacher, or supervisor on a job —or it may be a deliberate goading or nagging of us. Whatever form the action takes, it is often deliberate and we are in a position to retaliate or punish swiftly and harshly.
When we exercise patience under provocation, we are emulating God Himself. In Exodus 34:6-7, God describes Himself as “slow to anger . . . forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” Daily, God bears with great patience the provocation of sinful, rebellious men who despise His authority and ignore or show contempt for His law. It is to these very people that Paul addresses the question, “Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience?” (Romans 2:4). They despise not only His authority but also His patience, yet God continues to show the riches of His patience to those who least deserve it.
The key to patience under provocation is to seek to develop God’s own trait of being “slow to anger.” James tells us to be “slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Paul says that one characteristic of love is that it is not “easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:5).
The best way to develop this slowness to anger is to reflect frequently on the patience of God toward us. The parable of the unmerciful servant (see Matthew 18:21-35) is designed to help us recognize our own need of patience toward others by recognizing the patience of God toward us. In this parable, the unmerciful servant was deeply indebted to his master —according to the New International Version, by several million dollars. The king of the parable obviously represents God, while the deeply indebted servant represents each of us in our relationship to God as sinners. As the parable develops, the first servant is completely forgiven of his huge debt. But just after he leaves the presence of his master, he finds a fellow servant who owes him only a few dollars, and he impatiently demands payment —even having the man thrown into prison.
We are like the unmerciful servant when we lose our patience under provocation. We ignore God’s extreme patience with us. We discipline our children out of anger, while God disciplines us out of love. We are eager to punish the person who provokes us, while God is eager to forgive. We are eager to exercise our authority, while God is eager to exercise His love.
This kind of patience does not ignore the provocations of others; it simply seeks to respond to them in a godly manner. It enables us to control our tempers when we are provoked and to seek to deal with the person and his provocation in a way that tends to heal relationships rather than aggravate problems. It seeks the ultimate good of the other individual rather than the immediate satisfaction of our own aroused emotions.
The person whose temperament is conducive to losing his temper must especially work at patience under provocation. Rather than excusing himself by saying, “That’s just the way I am,” he must acknowledge his quick temper as a sinful habit before God. He should meditate extensively upon such verses as Exodus 34:6, 1 Corinthians 13:5, and James 1:19. He must also pray earnestly that God the Holy Spirit will change him inwardly. He should apologize to the person who is the object of his outburst each time he loses his temper. (This helps him develop humility and a sense of his own sinfulness before God.) Finally, he must not become discouraged when he fails. He needs to realize that his problem is as much a sinful habit as it is a result of temperament. Habits are not easily broken, and there will be failure. But, in the words of Proverbs 24:16 (TEV), “No matter how often an honest man falls, he always gets up again.”
TOLERATING SHORTCOMINGS
It is likely that most of us have occasion to show patience toward the faults and failures of others more often than we do toward mistreatment or provocation from others. People are always behaving in ways that, though not directed against us, affect us and irritate or disappoint us. It may be the driver ahead of us who is driving too slowly, or the friend who is late for an appointment, or the neighbor who is inconsiderate. More often than not it is the unconscious action of some family member whose irritating habit is magnified because of close daily association. The kind of patience it takes to overlook these circumstances is probably demanded of us most often within our own families or Christian fellowships.
Impatience with the shortcomings of others often has its roots in pride. John Sanderson observes, “Hardly a day passes but one hears sneering remarks about the stupidity, the awkwardness, the ineptitude of others.”[38] Such remarks stem from a feeling that we are smarter or more capable than those with whom we are impatient. Even if that is actually true, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 4:7 that whatever abilities we possess have been given to us by God, so we have no reason to feel that we are any better than anyone else.
The patient reaction to the faults and failures of others is probably best described by the word forbearance, as it is used in Ephesians 4:2 and Colossians 3:13 (KJV). Literally, the word can mean “to put up with” and can be used in a negative sense of grudging endurance of another’s faults. That is obviously not the sense in which Paul uses the word. Rather, he uses forbearance in the sense of gracious tolerance of another’s faults. Since forbearance is not a common word in the daily vocabulary of most people, the word tolerance is probably best used to describe this aspect of patience.
Forbearance, or tolerance, in the Scriptures is associated with love, the unity of the believers, and the forgiveness of Christ. In Ephesians 4:2-3 Paul says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (emphasis added). Peter tells us that “love covers over a multitude of sins”; love for the other person causes us to overlook or tolerate his shortcomings.
I recall an instance when a friend of mine forgot an appointment we had together. Rather than being peeved, I simply shrugged it off. Later I tried to determine why I had had such a tolerant reaction to his failure. I concluded it was because I deeply loved and appreciated this person, and the principle that Peter stated —“love covers over a multitude of sins” —was at work.
Paul says we are to bear with one another in order to preserve the “unity of the Spirit” —the unity applied by the Spirit to the body of Christ. We are to make every effort to maintain this unity. We are to consider the unity of the body far more important than the petty irritants or disappointments of others. Again, as in maintaining peace, Romans 12:5 is very helpful: “Each member belongs to all the others.” When I am tempted to become irritated with my brother in Christ, remembering that he belongs to me and that I belong to him helps quell that budding sense of exasperation.
In Colossians 3:13, Paul equates forbearance with forgiveness: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” The thought of grievances or complaints used in this verse seems to connote the idea of fault-finding with petty actions rather than concern over more serious problems. Instead of letting those actions irritate us, we are to use them as an opportunity to forgive as the Lord forgave us.
The principle of forgiving as the Lord forgave us is taught in the parable of the unmerciful servant. The main point of that parable lies in the tremendous contrast between the two debts: several million dollars versus a few dollars. Jesus also makes a point of the timing of the two encounters; the unmerciful servant, fresh from the forgiving presence of his master, turns around and harshly demands immediate payment from his debtor.
How well this parable depicts us when we are impatient with others! Every day God patiently bears with us, and every day we are tempted to become impatient with our friends, neighbors, and loved ones. And our faults and failures before God are so much more serious than the petty actions of others that tend to irritate us! God calls us to graciously bear with the weaknesses of others, tolerating them and forgiving them even as He has forgiven us.
Such scriptural forbearance does not forbid correcting another’s faults or confronting someone about an irritating habit. Rather, Jesus teaches us that such correction should be done with the right attitude. We are not to seek to remove the speck of sawdust —that irritating habit or fault —from our brother’s eye until we have first removed the plank from our own eye. The plank in our eye can be any wrong attitude toward our brother that is a reaction to his fault or weakness. It may be irritation, pride, or a critical or disdainful attitude. Whatever our wrong attitude may be, we must first deal with it, making sure our desire to correct or confront is not from a spirit of impatience but from a spirit of love and concern for the welfare of the other person.
WAITING ON GOD
Another area in which most of us need to learn patience is in the outworking of God’s timetable in our lives. Perhaps we have been praying for many years for the salvation of a loved one, for the resolution of some problem we face, or for the fulfillment of some long-awaited desire. Abraham’s long wait for the birth of his son Isaac is the classic biblical illustration of the need for patience to await God’s timing. Like Abraham, many of us have attempted to speed up God’s timetable or substitute another solution, as Sarah and Abraham did with Ishmael, only to end up with sorrow instead of fulfillment.
Saul is another example of one who would not wait for the fulfillment of God’s timetable, and for this he lost his kingdom. Both Abraham and Saul grew impatient because of unbelief in the faithfulness of God and an unwillingness to wait on Him. God, in His sovereign grace, gave Abraham another chance, so he became the father of those who believe.
In contrast to Saul, David waited for the Lord to fulfill His plan for him. He consistently refused to take matters into his own hands, instead saying,
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:1-2)
James addresses the problem of waiting by referring first to the patience of the farmer who waits for his crop, then to the patience of the prophets who all died without seeing the fulfillment of most of their prophecies, and finally to the patience of Job, who in the end did experience the Lord’s deliverance. The ultimate event for which we all wait, of course, is the Lord’s coming. With the apostle John, we cry in our hearts, “Come, Lord Jesus” (Revelation 22:20).
The cure for impatience with the fulfillment of God’s timetable is to believe His promises, obey His will, and leave the results to Him. So often when God’s timetable stretches into years, we become discouraged and give up. I think of a desire of mine that I thought God would soon fulfill. When several years went by, I virtually gave up, but in the seventh year, God answered that prayer. I think of another answer to prayer that has occurred just recently. I had been praying for that request for so many years that when the answer finally came, I felt it was too good to be true. I think of still another God-given desire that I prayed over for some thirteen years before God answered. But when He did, the answer came in abundant measure.
Yet in spite of these long-awaited answers to prayers, I still struggle with impatience over God’s timetable. I still want to give up or try to work something out on my own. I need to take to heart this admonition of the writer of Hebrews: “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised” (6:12). If you struggle, as I do, with the patience of waiting, that might be a good verse for you to memorize and meditate over in the months ahead.
PERSEVERING THROUGH ADVERSITY
Whereas long-suffering should be our patient reaction to people who mistreat or provoke us, endurance and perseverance should be our patient reaction to circumstances that try us. Endurance is the ability to stand up under adversity; perseverance is the ability to progress in spite of it. These two English words are translations of the same Greek word and simply represent two different views of the same quality: a godly response to adversity.
The source of adversity may be the ill-treatment of other people, as when Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, or when Saul persecuted David, or when the Jews rejected and crucified the Lord Jesus. At other times our trials are a result of Satan’s attacks, as in Job’s case. Still another source of adversity is the direct disciplinary hand of God in our lives.
Whatever the source of our adverse circumstances, the key to endurance and patience is to believe that God is ultimately in control, working out events for our good. Romans 15:4 says, “Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” The stories of Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, David, and Job were written so that we might have the privilege of seeing God at work, controlling their circumstances for their good and His glory. These examples should encourage us to believe that God controls our circumstances as well, even though we do not always recognize this control. For many years it has helped me to realize that God never explained to Job why his trials had occurred. You and I are taken behind the scenes and shown the battle between God and Satan, but Job never knew. He simply came to the place where he accepted whatever God allowed. Most often, we do not see the purpose of trials. But through the encouragement of the Scriptures we should hope, and through hope we should persevere.
In the Scriptures, endurance and perseverance are frequently associated with hope. In each of four instances in which Paul speaks of perseverance or endurance in Romans, it is in the context of hope. He commends the Thessalonian believers for their endurance inspired by hope. And the entire treatment of endurance and perseverance by the writer of Hebrews closely links endurance and perseverance with hope (see especially chapters 10–12). Hebrews 11, the great chapter on faith, is a part of this lengthy challenge to endurance and perseverance; it begins by defining faith as “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
The object of this hope, of course, is our ultimate glorification with Christ in eternity. The life we live on this earth is simply a pursual of this hope. The author of Hebrews likens it to a distance race, which must be run with perseverance. Our Christian experience is not a sprint that is soon over; it is a distance race that lasts a lifetime. It requires perseverance, because the reward —the object of our hope —is in the distant future.
Endurance and perseverance are also frequently associated with suffering in the Bible. We may not like this connection, because we may shrink from the suffering, but we must come to terms with it. Endurance can be produced only under stress, whether physical or spiritual. In Romans, Paul says suffering produces perseverance. James says trials that test our faith develop perseverance. Endurance and perseverance are qualities we would all like to possess, but we are loath to go through the process that produces them. That is why God is so faithful to allow or to bring trials into our lives, even though we shrink from them.
So we see that God uses the encouragement of the Scriptures, the hope of our ultimate salvation in glory, and the trials that He either sends or allows to produce endurance and perseverance. He also works directly in our hearts. In Romans 15:5, Paul tells us that God gives endurance and encouragement. We know from verse 4 that God uses the Scriptures, but He must also work directly, making those Scriptures meaningful and personally applicable to us. When Paul prayed that the Colossians would have great endurance and patience, he was counting on God to work directly in their hearts. We cannot explain this direct ministry in the heart of the believer, but that does not make it any less valid. The Bible constantly affirms this direct ministry of the Spirit of God (for example, see Romans 8:26-27; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Ephesians 3:16-19).
The fruit of patience in all its aspects —long-suffering, forbearance, endurance, and perseverance —is a fruit that is most intimately associated with our devotion to God. All character traits of godliness grow out of and have their foundation in our devotion to God, but the fruit of patience must grow out of that relationship in a particular way. Only as we fear God will we submit to the trials He sends or allows. And only as we deeply apprehend His love for us in Christ will we find the courage to bear up under them. Trials always change our relationship with God; either they drive us to Him, or they drive us away from Him. The extent of our fear of Him and our awareness of His love for us determine in which direction we will move.