and steersman, were present both at the morning and
Jan. 1738
FAREWELL TO AMERICA
my parishioners of Savannah, and a Frenchman, late of Purrysburg, who was escaped thence with the skin of his teeth.
Sat. 24.—We sailed over Charles-Town bar, and about noon lost sight of land.
The next day the wind was fair, but high, as it was on Sunday, 25, when the sea affected me more than it had done in the sixteen weeks of our passage to America.
I was obliged to lie down the greatest part of the day, being easy only in that posture.
Mon. 26.—I began instructing a Negro lad in the principles of Christianity.
The next day I resolved to break off living delicately, and return to my old simplicity of diet ; and after I did so, neither my stomach nor my head much complained of the motion of the ship.
1738.
Sun. Jan. 1.—All in the ship, except the captain and steersman, were present both at the morning and evening service, and appeared as deeply attentive as even the poor people of Frederica did, while the word of God was new to their ears.
And it may be, one or two among these likewise may " bring forth fruit with patience."
Mon. 2.—Being sorrowful and very heavy (though I could give no particular reason for it), and utterly unwilling to speak close to any of my little flock (about twenty persons), I was in doubt whether my neglect of them was not one cause of my own heaviness.
In the evening, therefore, I began instructing the cabin-boy ; after which I was much easier.
I went several times the following days, with a design to speak to the sailors, but could not.
I mean, I was quite averse from speaking; I could not see how to make an occasion, and it seemed quite absurd to speak
WESLEY'S JOURNAL
Jan. 1738 without.
Is not this what men commonly mean by, "I could not speak?"
And is this a sufficient cause of silence, or no?
Is it a prohibition from the good spirit ? or a temptation from nature, or the evil one?
Sat. 7.—I began to read and explain some passages ot the Bible to the young Negro.
The next morning, another Negro who was on board desired to be a hearer too.
From them I went to the poor Frenchman, who, understanding no English, had none else in the ship with whom he could converse.
And from this time, I read and explained to him a chapter in the Testament every morning.
The Voyage to England Fri. 13.—We had a thorough storm, which obliged us to shut all close; the sea breaking over the ship continually,
I was at first afraid; but cried to God, and was strengthened.
Before ten, I lay down:
I bless God, without fear.
About midnight we were awaked by a confused noise of seas and wind and men's voices, the like to which I had never heard before.
The sound of the sea breaking over and against the sides of the ship, I could compare to nothing but large cannon, or American thunder.
The rebounding, starting, quivering motion of the ship much resembled what is said of earthquakes.
The captain was upon deck in an instant.
But his men could not hear what he said.
It blew a proper hurricane; which beginning at south-west, then went west, north-west, north, and, in a quarter an hour, round by the east to the south-west point again.
At the same time the sea running, as they term it, mountain-high, and that from many different points at once, the ship would not obey the helm; nor indeed could the steers-
Jan. 1738
THE VOYAGE TO ENGLAND
man, through the violent rain, see the compass.
So he was forced to let her run before the wind, and in half an hour the stress of the storm was over.
Tues. 24.—-We spoke with two ships, outward-bound, from whom we had the welcome news of our wanting but one hundred and sixty leagues ot the Land's-end.
My mind was now full of thought; part of which I writ down as follows:
"IT went to America, to convert the Indians; but O! who shall convert me? who, what is he that will deliver me from this evil heart of mischief?
I have a fair summer religion.
I can talk well; nay, and believe myself, while no danger is near; but let death look me in the face, and my spirit is troubled.
Nor can I say, 'To die is gain!'
'I have a sin of fear, that when I've spun My last thread, I shall perish on the shore!'
'"'T think, verily, if the Gospel be true, I am safe: for I not only have given, and do give, all my goods to feed the poor; I not only give my body to be burned, drowned, or whatever God shall appoint for me; but I follow after charity (though not as I ought, yet as I can), if haply I may attain it.
I now believe the Gospel is true.
'I show my faith by my works,' by staking my all upon it.
I would do so again and again a thousand times, if the choice were still to make.
'""Whoever sees me, sees I would be a Christian.
Therefore 'are my ways not like other men's ways.'
Therefore I have been, I am, I am content to be, 'a by-word, a proverb of reproach.'
But in a storm I think, ' What, if the Gospel be not true?
Then thou art of all men most foolish.
For what hast thou given thy goods, thy ease, thy friends, thy reputation, thy country, thy life?
For what art thou wandering over
WESLEY'S JOURNAL
Jaw. 1738 the face of the earth?—A dream! a cunningly-devised fable !'
who will deliver me from this fear of death?
What shall I do?
Where shall I fly from it?
Should I fight against it by thinking, or by not thinking of it?
A wise man advised me some time since, ' Be still and go on.'
Perhaps this is best, to look upon it as my cross ; when it comes, to let it humble me, and quicken all my good resolutions, especially that of praying without ceasing; and at other times, to take no thought about it, but quietly to go on 'in the work of the Lord:?"
Lands at Deal We went on with a small, fair wind, till Thursday in the afternoon; and then sounding, found a whitish sand at seventy-five fathom: but having had no observation for several days, the captain began to be uneasy, fearing we might either get unawares into the Bristol Channel, or strike in the night on the rocks of Scilly.
Sat. 28.—Was another cloudy day; but about ten in the morning, the wind continuing southerly, the clouds began to fly just contrary to the wind, and, to the surprise of us all, sunk down under the sun, so that at noon we had an exact observation; and by this we found we were as well as we could desire, about eleven leagues south of Scilly.
Sun. 29.—We saw English land once more; which, about noon, appeared to be the Lizard-Point.
We ran by it with a fair wind; and at noon, the next day, made the west end of the Isle of Wight.
Here the wind turned against us, and in the evening blew fresh, so that we expected (the tide being likewise strong against us) to be driven some leagues backward
Fes. 1738
IN LONDON AGAIN
in the night: but in the morning, to our great surprise, we saw Beachy-Head just before us, and found we had gone forwards near forty miles.
Toward evening was a calm; but in the night a strong north wind brought us safe into the Downs.
The day before, Mr. Whitefield had sailed out, neither of us then knowing anything of the other.
At four in the morning we took boat, and in half an hour landed at Deal: it being Wednesday, February 1, the anniversary festival in Georgia for Mr. Oglethorpe's landing there.
It is now two years and almost four months since I left my native country, and in order to teach the Georgian
Indians the nature of Christianity: but what have I learned myself in the mean time?
Why (what I the least of all suspected), that I who went to America to convert others, was never myself converted to God.*
'"'T am not mad," though I thus speak; but "I speak the words of truth and soberness"'; if haply some of those who still dream may awake, and see, that as I am, so are they.
In London Again Wednesday, Feb. 1.—After reading prayers and explaining a portion of Scripture to a large company at the inn, I left Deal, and came in the evening to Feversham.
I here read prayers, and explained the second lesson to a few of those who were called Christians, but were indeed more savage in their behaviour than the wildest
Indians I have yet met with.
Fri. 3.—I came to Mr. Delamotte's, at Blendon, where I expected a cold reception.
But God had prepared the way before me; and I no sooner mentioned ® T am not sure of this.
WESLEY'S JOURNAL
Fes. 1738 my name, than I was welcomed in such a manner as constrained me to say: 'Surely God is in this place, and I knew it not!
Blessed be ye of the Lord!
Ye have shown more kindness in the latter end than in the beginning."
In the evening I came once more to London, whence I had been absent two years and near four months.
Many reasons I have to bless God, though the design I went upon did not take effect, for my having been carried into that strange land, contrary to all my preceding resolutions.
Hereby I trust He hath in some measure '*humbled me and proved me, and shown me what was in my heart,"
Hereby I have been taught to 'beware of men."
Hereby Iam come to know assuredly that if ''in all our ways we acknowledge God, he will," where reason fails, 'direct our path" by lot, or by the other means which he knoweth.
Hereby I am delivered from the fear of the sea, which I had both dreaded and abhorred from my youth.
Hereby God has given me to know many of his servants ; particularly those of the Church of Hernhuth.
Hereby my passage is opened to the writings of holy men in the German, Spanish, and Italian tongues.
I hope, too, some good may come to others hereby.
Allin Georgia have heard the word of God.
Some have believed, and began to run well.
A few steps have been taken towards publishing the glad tidings both to the African and American heathens..
Many children have learned "how they ought to serve God," and to be useful to their neighbour.
And those whom it most concerns have an opportunity of knowing the true state of their infant colony, and laying a firmer foundation of peace and happiness to many generations.
Sat. 4.—I told my friends some of the reasons which
Fes.1738
MEETS PETER BOHLER
a little hastened my return to England.
They all agreed it would be proper to relate them to the trustees of Georgia, Accordingly, the next morning I waited on Mr. Oglethorpe, but had not time to speak on that head.
In the afternoon I was desired to preach at St. John the Evangelist's.
I did so on those strong words, "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature."
I was afterwards informed many of the best in the parish were so offended, that I was not to preach there any more.
Mon. 6.—I visited many of my old friends, as well as most of my relations. I find the time is not yet come when I am to be "hated of all men."
O may I be prepared for that day!
Wesley Meets Peter Bohler Tues. 7.—(A day much to be remembered.) At the house of Mr. Weinantz, a Dutch merchant, I met Peter
Bohler, Schulius Richter, and Wensel Neiser, just then landed from Germany.
Finding they had no acquaintance in England, I offered to procure them a lodging, and did so near Mr. Hutton's, where I then was.
And from this time I did not willingly lose any opportunity of conversing with them while I stayed in London.
Wed. 8.—I went to Mr. Oglethorpe again, but had no opportunity of speaking as I designed.
Afterwards I waited on the Board of Trustees, and gave them a short but plain account of the state of the colony : an account,
I fear, not a little differing from those which they had frequently received before, and for which I have reason to believe some of them have not forgiven mie to this day.
Sun. 12.—I preached at St. Andrew's, Holborn, on:
" Though I give all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not
WESLEY'S JOURNAL
Fes. 1738 charity, it profiteth me nothing."
Ohard sayings!
Who can hear them?
Here too, it seems, I am to preach no more.
Fri. 17.—I set out for Oxford with Peter Bohler, where we were kindly received by Mr. Sarney, the only one now remaining here of many who, at our embarking for America, were used to " take sweet counsel together," and rejoice in '' bearing the reproach of Christ."
Sat. 18.—We went to Stanton-Harcourt.
The next day I preached once more at the castle, in Oxford, to a numerous and serious congregation.
All this time I conversed much with Peter Bohler, but I understood him not; and least of ali when he said, "' My brother, my brother, that philosophy of yours must be purged away."
Mon. 20.—I returned to London.
On Tuesday I preached at Great St. Helen's, on: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."
Sun. 26.—I preached at six, at St. Lawrence's; at ten, in St. Catherine Cree's church ; and in the afternoon, at St. John's, Wapping.
I believe it pleased God to bless the first sermon most, because it gave most offence ; being, indeed, an open defiance of that mystery of iniquity which the world calls " prudence," grounded on those words of St. Paul to the Galatians, "As many as desire to make a fair show in the flesh, they constrain you to be circumcised ; only lest they should suffer persecution for the cross of Christ."
Mon. 27.—I took coach for Salisbury, and had several opportunities of conversing seriously with my fellow travellers.
Tues. 28.—I saw my mother once more.
The next day I prepared for my journey to my brother at Tiverton.
PETER BOHLER
John Wesley regarded Béhler as the instrument of his conversion
i a