Chapter Nineteen: Sins of the Tongue
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Sins of the Tongue
In the months that I have been working on this book, I have often been asked in social settings, “What are you working on now?” When I mention the “respectable” or “acceptable” sins we tolerate, invariably someone will roll his or her eyes and say, “Oh, you mean like gossip.” Apparently, this is the first of the Christian sins that comes to mind, so it must be quite prevalent among us and is something we continue to tolerate in our lives.
As widespread as the practice of gossip is, however, it is by no means the only sin of the tongue. In this category, we must also include lying, slander, critical speech (even when true), harsh words, insults, sarcasm, and ridicule. In fact, we would have to say that any speech that tends to tear down another person — either someone we are talking about or someone we are talking to — is sinful speech.
The Bible is replete with warnings against sins of the tongue. The book of Proverbs alone contains about sixty such warnings. Jesus warned that we will give account for every careless word we speak (see Matthew 12:36). And then there is that well-known passage in James 3 where he speaks of the sinful effects of the tongue. He likens those effects to a small fire that sets the forest ablaze and a member that stains the whole body.
The passage of Scripture that has helped me most to deal with the sins of the tongue, however, is Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
This verse is an application of Paul’s “put off / put on” principle that he sets forth in Ephesians 4:22-24. The principle is that we are to put off the sinful traits of the old self and, at the same time, give diligence to putting on the gracious traits of the new self created in Christ.
As we look at Ephesians 4:29, we see that we are not to let any corrupting talk come out of our mouths. Corrupting talk is not limited to profanity or obscene speech. It includes all the various types of negative speech I mentioned previously. Note Paul’s absolute prohibition. No corrupting talk. None whatsoever. This means no gossip, no sarcasm, no critical speech, no harsh words. All of these sinful words that tend to tear down another person must be put out of our speech. Think about what the church of Jesus Christ would look like if we all sought to apply Paul’s words.
As we think of sins of the tongue, let’s begin with the one most people think of first: gossip. Gossip is the spreading of unfavorable information about someone else, even if that information is true. However, gossip is often based on rumor, which makes the sin even worse. Indulging in gossip seems to feed our sinful ego, especially when the information we’re passing along is negative. It makes us feel self-righteous by comparison. And then there are those times when we disguise our gossip as, “I want to share this with you for your prayers.” If we know something negative about someone, we should pray about it. But we should not spread around the bad news.
Ephesians 4:29 not only tells us what kinds of speech to put off, it also tells us what to put on. It is only such speech that builds up and gives grace to those who hear it. Therefore, when we are tempted to gossip, we should ask ourselves, Will what I’m about to say tend to tear down or build up the person I’m about to talk about?
Closely related to the sin of gossip is the sin of slander. Slander is making a false statement or misrepresentation about another person that defames or damages the person’s reputation. Political campaigns, for example, are notorious for slandering opponents by falsely ascribing to the opponent a position based on statements taken out of context or based on some isolated act that occurred some years ago. It is such statements that are definitely aimed at creating a false, slanderous impression.
But do Christians slander? Yes, we do. We slander when we ascribe wrong motives to people, even though we can’t see their hearts or know their particular circumstances. We slander when we say another believer is “not committed” when he or she does not practice the same spiritual disciplines we do or engage in the same Christian activities we engage in. We slander when we misrepresent another person’s position on a subject without first determining what that person’s position is. We slander when we blow out of proportion another person’s sin and make that person appear to be more sinful than he or she really is.
The motive behind slander is often to gain an advantage in some way over another person. In the business world, it is called “backstabbing” or “climbing the corporate ladder over other people’s backs.” But sometimes we Christians can do this kind of thing. In a Christian organization or a church, we can seek to gain an advantage over someone else by slandering that person.
Slander is actually lying. But there are, of course, other forms of lying. We usually think of it as making a false statement, and probably most of us tend to guard against such speech. However, we are apt to lie by exaggeration, by a failure to tell the whole truth, or by indulging in what we call a “little white lie” — a lie that we think is of no consequence. Whatever form it takes, a lie expresses an intent to deceive. A good test we might use of our speech is the question, “Is it true?”
Critical speech is negative comments about someone that may be actually true but doesn’t need to be said. For example, “He spends too much time watching television” or “She’s not a good student.” The questions we should ask ourselves about these kinds of comments are Is it kind? and Is it needful? By the latter, I mean does it really need to be said?
We not only sin in our speech about one another but we also sin when talking to one another. This sinful speech includes harsh words, sarcasm, insults, and ridicule. The common denominator of all these forms of negative speech is that they tend to put down, humiliate, or hurt the other person. This type of speech most often comes from an attitude of impatience or anger. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). This means that although we speak of sins of the tongue, our real problem is our heart. Behind all of our gossip, slander, critical speech, insults, and sarcasm is our sinful heart. The tongue is only the instrument that reveals what’s in our hearts.
For some years I have sought to apply Ephesians 4:29 to my speech. I’m sure I fail many times, but at least that’s the benchmark, or target, I aim for. One night I started to say something negative to my wife about a former colleague. But then I thought of Ephesians 4:29, and, as we say, “I bit my tongue.” I felt quite good about my self-control until the next morning. During my time with God, I thought about the previous night’s incident. Then the thought came to me, “But you thought it, didn’t you?” I was brought up short. I realized I needed to guard not only my mouth, but more important, I needed to guard my heart.
David prayed, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14). David was concerned not only with his words but also with the thoughts of his heart. I have learned to pray this also. I still use Ephesians 4:29 as a guideline, but now I try to apply it to my thoughts as well as my speech. I’d like to have no corrupting thoughts come out of my heart but only thoughts, if uttered, that would build up those who hear them.
If you and I truly want to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness, we must make Ephesians 4:29 one of our guiding principles.
So take a few moments to reflect on this chapter and your own speech patterns. Do you gossip or criticize others or tend to show impatience or anger through unkind words that tend to humiliate or hurt the person who is the object of your impatience or anger? Better yet, ask your friends or, if married, your spouse or older children. Remember, we’re talking about real sin. The kind of speech we’ve discussed in this chapter may seem acceptable to us, but it is not acceptable to God. It truly is sin.