Chapter Thirteen: Lack of Self-Control
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Lack of Self-Control
“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Proverbs 25:28). In biblical times, a city’s walls were its chief means of defense. If the walls were breached, an invading army could pour into the city and conquer it. We recall from the account of the fall of Jericho that God caused its walls to collapse so that the army of Israel could easily move in and take the city (see Joshua 6:1-5,20).
In the same way that a city without walls was vulnerable to an invading army, so a person without self-control is vulnerable to all kinds of temptations. Unfortunately, Solomon, who wrote those words in Proverbs 25:28, is a sad but striking demonstration of his own words. The Scriptures record that Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, all from nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel that they should not take wives (see 1 Kings 11:1-3). But Solomon gave free reign to his passions and totally disregarded God’s prohibition. As the wealthiest potentate of that era, Solomon had access to all he might desire. But instead of exercising self-control, he disregarded his own words of wisdom and let his passions run out of control. Solomon paid a heavy price for his lack of self-control. His wives turned his heart away from God. Because of that, God divided Solomon’s kingdom in the days of his son Rehoboam, and the Davidic dynasty was crippled from that time forward.
The Scriptures, both in Proverbs and the letters of the New Testament, have a lot to say about self-control. Paul lists it as one expression of the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23), and he includes a lack of self-control in the list of vices characteristic of the last days (see 2 Timothy 3:3). His instructions to Titus regarding his ministry in Crete included several exhortations to teach self-control (see Titus 2:2,5,6), and a reminder that the same grace that brings salvation also trains us to live self-controlled lives (see Titus 2:11-12). Then Peter urges us to be sober-minded, or self-controlled, several times in his two letters (see 1 Peter 1:13; 4:7; 5:8; 2 Peter 1:5).
Despite the scriptural teaching on self-control, I suspect this is one virtue that receives little conscious attention from most Christians. We have boundaries from our Christian culture that tend to restrain us from obvious sins, but within those boundaries we pretty much live as we please. We seldom say “no” to our desires and emotions. A lack of self-control may well be one of our more “respectable” sins. And because we tolerate this, we become more vulnerable to other “respectable” sins. A lack of control of our tongue, for example, opens the door to all manner of defiling speech such as sarcasm, gossip, slander, and ridicule.
What is self-control? It is a governance or prudent control of one’s desires, cravings, impulses, emotions, and passions. It is saying no when we should say no. It is moderation in legitimate desires and activities, and absolute restraint in areas that are clearly sinful. It would, for example, involve moderation in watching television and absolute restraint in viewing Internet pornography.
Biblical self-control is not a product of one’s own natural willpower. We know there are plenty of unbelievers who exercise self-control in specific areas of life for the purpose of achieving some goal. But in other areas, they may live with little or no self-control. An athlete may be strict in his diet while totally lacking in control of his temper.
Biblical self-control, however, covers every area of life and requires an unceasing conflict with the passions of the flesh that wage war against our souls (see 1 Peter 2:11). This self-control is dependent on the influence and enablement of the Holy Spirit. It requires continual exposure of our mind to the words of God and continual prayer for the Holy Spirit to give us both the desire and power to exercise self-control. We might say that self-control is not control by oneself through one’s own willpower but rather control of oneself through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Though self-control needs to be exercised in all areas of life, in this chapter we will look at three areas where Christians often fail to exercise it. The first is the area of eating and drinking. Let me say right away that I am not singling out those who have a so-called “weight problem.” That may or may not be due to a lack of self-control. One of the most self-controlled men I have ever known struggled with his weight all his adult life. On the other hand, some who can eat what they please without gaining weight may, because of that fact, fail to exercise self-control in their eating and drinking.
What I am addressing is the tendency to continually give in to our desires for certain foods or drinks. I think of an acquaintance, a committed Christian, who used to consume twelve cans of soda every day. I think of my own craving for ice cream years ago when I would have a dish of it at dinner and another at bedtime. In that situation, God convicted me of my lack of self-control by causing me to see that a seemingly benign practice greatly weakened my self-control in other more critical areas. I learned that we cannot pick and choose the areas of life in which we will exercise self-control.
One of the ways we can exercise self-control is by removing or getting away from whatever tempts us to indulge our desires. In the case of the ice cream, I asked my wife to no longer keep it regularly in the freezer. Instead, we now buy it for specific occasions. Even though I made that decision more than thirty years ago, I still have to exercise self-control. Recently I was on my way to mail a package at a contract post office that is located in an ice cream shop. As I drove, I began to think about having a dish of ice cream. As I wrestled with that strong desire, I concluded that it was a time when I needed to say “no” to myself just for the purpose of keeping that desire under control.
I’m not trying to lay a guilt trip on those who enjoy ice cream or soda pop, or even those who go to Starbucks every day for their favorite coffee drink. What I am addressing is our lack of self-control — a tendency to indulge our desires so that they control us, instead of our controlling those desires.
A second area where Christians often show a lack of self-control is with one’s temper. Some believers are known to be hot-tempered or to have a short fuse. A hot temper is a quick but intense burst of anger often followed soon afterward by a calm disposition. A person with a short fuse is a person who tends to become easily angry or irritable and who exercises little or no control over his emotions. Quite often a person who is hot-tempered also has a short fuse. Our expression for such a person is “He easily flies off the handle.”
We will take up anger as a separate subject in a later chapter, but here the focus is on one’s lack of self-control over his anger. Anger, in most instances, is sin, but with the short-tempered person, there is the added sin of a lack of self-control.
Outbursts of temper are usually directed against anyone who displeases us. It may be another driver who cuts us off on the freeway or an umpire who makes a bad call at a church softball game. Unfortunately, it is often directed toward one’s own family members.
There are a number of warnings against a quick temper in Proverbs. For example, “A man of quick temper acts foolishly” (Proverbs 14:17) and “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Proverbs 16:32). In the New Testament, James admonishes us to be “slow to anger” (1:19). Remember, we are to store up God’s Word in our hearts that we might not sin against Him (see Psalm 119:11). We can store up these verses from Proverbs and James to help us exercise self-control over our tempers.
A third area where many Christians lack self-control is in the area of personal finances. Recently I heard a national radio speaker say that the average American household has a credit card debt of $7,000. Undoubtedly there are times when an individual or family may get into that kind of debt because of an emergency situation. But the fact that $7,000 is the average debt indicates that Americans are spending beyond their means. As a nation, we are not exercising financial self-control; rather, we are indulging our desires for what we want: new clothes, the latest electronic or digital devices, expensive vacations, and a host of other goods and services that appeal to our desires.
That this is a problem among Christians is attested by the fact that several Christian ministries are dedicated to the purpose of helping Christians get control of their finances. They are simply helping people learn to exercise self-control.
However, it is not just those in debt who fail to exercise self-control over their spending. Many affluent people, including some Christians, indulge themselves in whatever their hearts desire. They are like the writer of Ecclesiastes (presumably Solomon), who said, “Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them” (2:10). Indulging in whatever my heart desires, even if I can easily afford it, is not the way to gain that self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit (more on this in chapter 20).
There are other areas in which we may need to learn self-control. I think of the person who spends an inordinate amount of time at his computer, even if not viewing pornography. Other areas would include watching television, impulse buying, engaging in hobbies, and playing or watching various sports. For men, a big need for self-control is over our eyes and thought lives in this age of increasingly immodest dress.
No doubt there are other areas that can easily lend themselves to a lack of self-control, so I encourage you to reflect on your own life. Are there desires, cravings, or emotions that may be out of control to some degree? Remember, this book is about “respectable” or “acceptable” sins, the sins we tolerate in our lives. And because the virtue of self-control receives so little emphasis among Christians, we may find that we, at least in certain areas of life, do lack self-control. As you seek to grow in the area of self-control, remember it is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). It is only by God’s enabling power that we can make any progress.