12. Moaners, Complainers, and Negative Thinkers
Does this chapter title speak about you? I hope not—it’s really a deadly road and too many are walking on it. I think I had some of this as a young Christian and even later on as a husband, father, and Christian leader. In many ways, I’m very optimistic, though with a strong negative streak. It gets more complex as God seems to use some of my negative statements, especially about the state of the church and even the average Christian.
We had to learn the hard way that radical discipleship without radical grace is often a hurtful, confusing dead-end street, yet God did great things in the midst of our zeal, weakness, and failure.
I remember being in Pakistan shortly after the work was started there about forty years ago. A door opened for an important meeting in a cathedral in a major city. Key church leaders were coming, including the bishop of the Church of Pakistan. I was the main speaker and I remember an OM leader asking me to be careful what I said when I preached. I guess he knew I often said some offensive or even stupid things when preaching. I told him I would try my best. Then someone else asked if I could dress properly. Suits and ties were a big thing then (and even today) in the Church of Pakistan. I was never known for being well dressed but, wow, the next day I was there in suit and tie. I think I looked like an undertaker. This happened to be a time in my life when I was determined to be less negative even in dark or difficult situations. God kept it interesting, for as I was speaking a pigeon flew over me and dropped its load on my suit sleeve. What an embarrassment in front of the bishop and all those people, many hearing me for the first time. But God was doing a new thing and I just said, “Praise the Lord that elephants here don’t fly.” Of course there was great laughter.
Yes, you might be in a bad situation but why not thank and praise the Lord—it could be a lot worse. That does not mean you should verbally praise the Lord when someone is pouring out a hurtful, difficult situation to you. At that moment you need to remember Romans 12:15: Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. At the same time we might be rejoicing in our hearts knowing God can bring something beautiful out of a terrible situation. I am reading Hanna Miley’s book about her life as a child coming to England on the famous trains that brought children from Germany before the Holocaust. The book is called A Garland for Ashes and it is the story of reconciliation with those who took the lives of her parents and so many more in the concentration camps of Germany during that horrific war. There are many other similar books that God can use to change our lives.
Why are so many strong Bible-believing people (and I am one of them) so quick to criticize—often before they even have the facts? Why are so many Christians moaning about so many things especially about their governments? What do we do with Philippians 4:4–7?
God does not want us to be moaning, complaining, negative, unthankful people. Please pause for a moment and allow the Holy Spirit to do a new work in your heart and life. I want to highlight how this is closely tied to negativity and anger. It was hard as a young believer to realize I had a hostility streak. I saw it come out in my speaking once and I immediately repented. It especially would come out in my driving (I found it better when I went by train)!
Wherever you live today you find people around you moaning and complaining all the time. What does it actually accomplish? To me it’s very different from constructive criticism. I read a book called Tough-Minded Optimist as well as other similar books, which helped change my way of thinking.
Do you spend much time with these kinds of people? Be careful; it’s contagious! People who always see the dark side are frequently very proud, know-it-all types, and yet that pride is often tied to insecurity, which makes it an even more dangerous combination. The other day I typed out a list of things I have heard Christians moan or complain about recently:
Oh, the music is too loud.
Oh, they are using the wrong translation of the Bible.
Oh, how can they dress like that in church?
Oh, the pastor preached too long.
Oh, I wonder why his wife dresses so fancy and what she is doing with her time?
Oh, this person is so fat and that person just talks too much.
Oh, he keeps forgetting to use deodorant.
Oh, did you notice the new expensive car the pastor just got?
Oh, I saw one of the elders in a pub the other day.
Oh dear, they had red wine in the communion glass.
Oh, I saw the pastor’s son having a beer.
In my early days I remember Christians getting upset over women wearing lipstick or men having long hair. The list could go on. When we think and behave this way, what does it accomplish of eternal value? Do we not understand the importance of our disposition and attitude? I am reading a book on grace called Pharisectomy: How to Joyfully Remove Your Inner Pharisee and Other Religiously Transmitted Diseases by Peter Haas and you can imagine what that’s about. We need to remember that God is not just concerned about what we do and say, but what we think. Attitude is a major part of our walk with Jesus.
In almost every situation and in almost every person there are positive and good things, and we should focus on that much more. It is also crucial to remember that in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:2). What about that great rule: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets (Matthew 7:12). This is such a huge emphasis in the Bible. How can we miss it?
Read 1 Thessalonians 5:16, Rejoice always. Or Philippians 4:8, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I learned a new word recently from a friend in the education world. A blocker is someone who thinks everything is fine, especially with their own work, and they block any effort for change. If we are to grow and be the people God wants us to be then we must keep learning and keep changing.
Complaining and criticizing one’s wife or husband is so often the road to a broken relationship. I, by God’s grace, have seldom criticized my wife in public and not that much in private, but have had to repent of indirect statements and sometimes humor that may have sown a wrong idea about her to those who heard or read it. I remember once in a message paying a great tribute to my wife in more than a few sentences and got criticized for that as well! Have you found that sometimes life is full of no-win situations? Wow, my negative streak just popped out again. Oh, may the Lord have mercy on us all.