11. If You Don’t Want to Get Hurt, Don’t Play Rugby

Iwas having lunch with Paul Dando, a pastor in Wales, who leads a church in Narberth where I have spoken many times. I remember being there one time with my grandson Charlie who helped me at my book table. Charlie had never done this before and was surprised that he could not keep all the money people gave us.

Paul shared the following story in a little restaurant in Little Haven. It was at a leaders meeting, and some of the leaders were really hurting from difficulties and people in their churches. Just before an older visiting speaker from South Africa was about to bring the main message, one of them led in prayer and especially prayed for those who were hurting. The opening line of this seasoned leader’s message was, “If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t play rugby.” Oh, how true. Americans might want to say if you don’t want to get hurt, don’t play football.

All over the world I have told people and especially leaders if you don’t want to get hurt you’re on the wrong planet. This is the way our fallen and rebellious planet is, and we must learn how to press on in the midst of it. Even in the very best of healthy churches, mistakes will be made. People will sin and fail and people will need help. It does not make it any easier when we think of Satan as a roaring lion seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).

I have been helped and inspired by so many men and women who, through every kind of hurt and difficulty, have exercised forgiveness and pressed on. At the same time if we who are in leadership will live out the reality of the indwelling Holy Spirit, I believe we will personally hurt fewer people. I have often tried to find out if something I have said or done has hurt someone and then have gone out of the way to apologize and ask forgiveness. We need to ask ourselves how often we say, “I’m sorry; please forgive me.” Should it not be basic to our heart and vocabulary?

Misunderstandings are basic to life on this planet. I have seen thousands of them both big and small. Destructive gossip is often released not because of some clear-cut sin or evil, but due to miscommunication or misunderstanding. All of our married life, Drena and I have struggled in this area. Most of the time it is a very small issue but the enemy tries to use it to bring confusion, hurt, and pain. We must learn how to counter this with better listening and a greater effort to understand the person talking or the one being talked about. The challenge to believe the best about someone is very important.

I want to bring in here my plea to make prayer and prayer meetings a central part of your life and ministry. One of the most important things I learned as a young Christian was how to pray and also to make prayer meetings a top priority, which I have maintained by His grace all my life. There are hundreds of books on prayer and I don’t want to repeat what others have said, but I must remind you how prayerlessness will open the door for so many setbacks, problems, and hurts.

This leads me to share about one of the most important aspects of our walk with God and it’s the challenge not to hold hurts or anything else against someone. By His grace I have never gone to bed with anything against people and I have been hurt and disappointed by people hundreds of times. To me it’s not an option. We must forgive and even work on forgetting. The verses about loving our enemies make it even more wrong and ridiculous to hold anything against someone. To seek to get even or take revenge has no place in the life of a disciple of our loving Lord. This does not mean there will be great fellowship or working together. That’s often a more complex step that is not always possible. As we are more mature in our faith, and it was hard for me, we learn how to press on with unsolved relationship complexities. How can two walk together unless they are in agreement? That is a different level from basic love, respect, and forgiveness. We have to remind ourselves often that there is only one body. Yes, we are the body of Christ.

How can we possibly think we are going to evangelize the world and plant churches among all people without every kind of problem and trial that the mind can imagine, including some even losing their lives for the cause of Christ? The martyrs we have had in our movement have made a huge impact on most of us and helped us get our priorities sorted out for His glory. I would urge people to read Gary Witherall’s book Total Abandon written after the martyrdom of his wife in Lebanon. With it please try reading R. T. Kendall’s book Total Forgiveness. Serving in God’s great global army is going to be tougher than rugby or football. Remember 2 Timothy 2:3 (NKJV): You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. And while you’re at it, read the whole chapter!