Chapter 22: Commitment, Gratitude, Dependence
COMMITMENT, GRATITUDE, DEPENDENCE
KARL Barth, in his superb treatise on Man and Woman in Church Dogmatics, defines marriage as “the form of encounter of male and female in which the free, mutual, harmonious choice of love on the part of a particular man and woman leads to a responsibly undertaken life-union which is lasting, complete, and exclusive. It is the telos, the goal and center of the relationship between man and woman. The sphere of male and female is wider than that of marriage, embracing the whole complex of relations at the center of which marriage is possible.”[8]
What a difference from the casual liaisons entered into by young couples who, in seeking to be “free” have dispensed with that responsibly undertaken life union. Their union is not responsible to anyone, it is not lasting, complete, or exclusive, and as such cannot possibly bring them the joy they so desperately hope for. All manner of alternatives have been tried and none has produced what it promised. No marriage “experiment” has any validity, lacking the essential ingredient of total and irrevocable commitment.
But how can they know commitment to one another when they have made no higher commitment? Thank God for a loyalty not only to each other but a common higher loyalty which you and Walt share —loyalty to God, whose call you’ve heard. That is a sound basis for marriage.
But don’t be deceived. Many couples have shared this loyalty (some I know shared almost nothing else) and have found that their marriage was far from ideal. As long as we are “in the flesh” we’ll have trouble in the flesh. But God knows the purpose of the heart. He sees the direction a couple has taken when they have made up their minds to seek “things which are above.” There is a whole world of difference between those who look only for their own happiness in this world and those who know that their true happiness lies in the will of God.
When they encounter trouble they know where to turn, for they know that they are still under the command of God, they are not forsaken. They know that they are insufficient in themselves, that human love breaks down, and that there is never a point at which they can say, “We’ve arrived,” and are no longer in need of grace.
You know, I am sure, that your love is a gift. And if it is a gift you are grateful to the Giver. To acknowledge your gratitude to Him is also to acknowledge your dependence on Him, to acknowledge above all the authority of Christ. That is a good place to begin a marriage.