Chapter 20: Twenty Questions
TWENTY QUESTIONS
IT IS a long way from the recognition of a Logos, an Eternal Word who speaks and under whom we live, to the specific destiny to which you yourself as an individual woman are called. Yet the God who controls the wheeling galaxies and who spoke before the foundation of the world must be the God who holds the smallest circumstance of your life in His hands. We are encompassed on all sides by the Almighty. “His tender mercies are over all His works,” “steadfast love surrounds him who trusts in the Lord,” and “underneath are the Everlasting Arms.” Over, around, underneath. We are enfolded. Can you think of a safer place to be? Yet God does not coerce us into doing His will. He has given us free choice, and it is in this freedom that you and Walt have chosen to marry. You have answered the questions I posed for you a year ago when you were trying to define and sort out your feelings. (They were pretty clear to me when I saw your radiant face as you ran to the car from the post office, waving a letter from him.)
Here are the questions:
You have faced all these questions and the important areas of concern that they point to. Let me assure you that I’ve known happy couples of which one is an indoor person and the other an outdoor one, or one punctual and the other late, but it requires particular grace, and it’s just as well to consider in advance whether or not you think it’s going to be worth it. Later, when you’re up against it, remind yourself that it’s worth it!
You know that I do not insist that every question under (3) must be answered yes if your marriage is to be a success. And of course agreement in the matters of (4) can only be in principle until you’ve had the chance to work on them as husband and wife. There is no practice session for these. Deep, underlying principles will determine the child-training and how you treat your in-laws. It is the foundation of your life. As soon as you begin discussing the things on the list you will be discussing religion, for “all our problems are theological ones.”
How can you possibly agree on sex unless you agree on morality? If morality is merely a matter of taste or community tolerance its foundation constantly shifts. If it has the Word as its foundation it’s unshakable.
How can you agree on in-laws if you aren’t acquainted with the law of love in 1 Corinthians 13?
Whether and when to have children and how to train them are decisions which must be made under God.
How you handle your money will depend on whose it is first (God’s or yours?) and what is important to you.
It is mutual commitment to a common belief that is the only solid base for lasting communion, in marriage or in any other fellowship. Anything less will not stand the test of living.