December 19
December 19
Why do we have such a hard time getting along with one another? Why do we experience so much conflict?
On May 1, 1992, during a press conference in the middle of the Los Angeles riots, Rodney King, who had been a victim of police brutality and who hoped to quiet the anger in the streets, famously asked, “Can we all get along?” It is an age-old question. Why is every marriage marked by conflict at some point? Why does something as simple as getting into the car cause war-making among our children? Why does conflict mar our churches? Why is the workplace often not a place of peace? Why do neighbors argue with each other over seemingly inconsequential things? Why do friendships dissolve into hurt and division? Why is there such a thing as road rage? Why has social media devolved into an angry digital battlefield? Why do we get angry at a long line at the grocery store? Why is conflict one of the great stressors in our lives? We quarrel and fight a lot. These battles then defeat and depress us. They harm people, institutions, and situations that we hold dear. What is the cause of our battles with one another?
James 4 addresses human conflict clearly:
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! . . . But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. (James 4:1–4, 6–10)
When it comes to human conflict, James proposes something quite profound. He says that human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery. What does this mean? When a certain desire replaces God as the ruler of my heart, I can look at you in one of two ways. If you are helping me get what I want, then I love you and am thankful you are in my life. But if you stand in the way of what I want, then I’m angry at you and desire to get you out of my way. James locates the cause of our conflicts not outside of us but rather inside of us, in the desires of our hearts. This means that human conflict must always be solved vertically before it can be solved horizontally. Only when our hearts are ruled by what God wants will we be able to love one another well, even with all our differences and imperfections. And James reminds us that God keeps giving us more grace for exactly this.