December 15
December 15
Where do you go, where do you hide, and what do you hold on to when you feel weak, defeated, and alone?
I felt so defeated. Once again, I had responded in anger—the very thing I had committed myself not to do. I sat on my bed in the dark and felt weak and alone. My son had been disobedient again. I thought he had been looking for ways to challenge me, but that probably wasn’t true. I had watched him too closely. I had taken things too personally. I had responded to him too negatively. But that night, I was at the end of my rope and I let him have it. I said things that I should have never said, and, as I did, he crumbled into tears and looked away from me. My anger in that moment was far from righteous. It was not productive. He did not feel helped or loved. There was no wisdom in my words. I had stomped down the hallway and into his room, but I walked afterward back to my room. It was late, I was tired, and, as a parent, I felt utterly defeated. I wanted to be God’s tool of grace in the lives of my children, not a wrecking ball of anger.
That night I was powerfully confronted with the truth that there is no area of my life where I can be what I am supposed to be or do what I have been called to do on my own. I am a person in desperate need of help. That night I didn’t need to be rescued from my son. I needed to be rescued from me. I needed to be delivered from my impatience and anger. I needed something more powerful than the raging emotions that I was unable to control on my own.
Many of us find ourselves in situations where it seems as though there is nowhere to run and nowhere to find help. The writer of Hebrews speaks of these kinds of moments:
Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb. 4:14–16)
I run to this comforting passage again and again. It reminds us that we are never alone, because Jesus our high priest is always with us. Because he took on human weakness and was tempted as we are (but without sin), he understands and sympathizes with our weaknesses. This means he’s not disgusted when we struggle, but rather meets us with mercy that is form-fit for each circumstance. So, when we are weak, we can run to him with confidence. He’ll give us what we need.