my right hand shakes much; my mouth is hot and dry every morning; I have a lingering fever almost
John Wesley Journal of John Wesley
Friday, December 25.--(Being Christmas Day.) We began the service in the new chapel at four o'clock, as usual; where I preached again in the evening, after having officiated in West Street at the common hour. Sunday, 27. I preached in St. Luke's, our parish church, in the afternoon, to a very numerous congregation on "The Spirit and the Bride say, Come" [Rev. 22:17]. So are the tables turned that I have now more invitations to preach in churches than I can accept.
Monday, 28.--I retired to Peckham and at leisure hours read part of a very pretty trifle--the Life of Mrs. Bellamy. Surely never did any since John Dryden study more To make vice pleasing, and damnation shine,
than this lively and elegant writer. Abundance of anecdotes she inserts, which may be true or false. One of them, concerning Mr. Carrick, is curious. She says, "When he was taking ship for England, a lady presented him with a parcel which she desired him not to open till he was at sea. When he did, he found Wesley's Hymns, which he immediately threw overboard." I cannot believe it. I think Mr. C. had more sense. He knew my brother well and he knew him to be not only far superior in learning, but in poetry, to Mr. Thomson and all his theatrical writers put together. None of them can equal him, either in strong, nervous sense or purity and elegance of language. The musical compositions of his sons are not more excellent than the poetical ones of their father.
Thursday, 31.--I preached at the new chapel; but, to avoid the cramp, went to bed at ten o'clock. I was well served. I know not that I ever before felt so much of it in one night.
The Last Year of the Journal
1790. Friday, January 1.--I am now an old man, decayed from head to foot. My eyes are dim; my right hand shakes much; my mouth is hot and dry every morning; I have a lingering fever almost every day; my motion is weak and slow. However, blessed (be God, I do not slack my labor: I can preach and write still.
Sunday, 17.--In the afternoon I preached in Great St. Helen's, to a large congregation. It is, I believe, fifty years since I preached there before. What has God wrought since that time!
Tuesday, February 23.--l submitted to importunity and once more sat for my picture. I could scarcely believe myself--the picture of one in his eighty-seventh year!
Monday, June 28.--This day I enter into my eighty-eighth year. For above eighty-six years, I found none of the infirmities of old age; my eyes did not wax dim, neither was my natural strength abated. But last August I found almost a sudden change. My eyes were so dim that no glasses would help me. My strength likewise quite forsook me and probably will not return in this world. But I feel no pain from head, to foot; only it seems nature is exhausted and, humanly speaking, will sink more and more, till The weary springs of life stand still at last.
Thursday, July 1.--I went to Lincoln. After dinner we took a walk in and around the Minster which I really think is more elegant than that at York, in various parts of the structure as well as in its admirable situation. The new house was thoroughly filled in the evening, and with hearers uncommonly serious. There seems to be a remarkable difference between the people of Lincoln and those of York. They have not so much fire and vigor of spirit but far more mildness and
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gentleness, by means of which, if they had the same outward helps, they would probably excel their neighbors.
A Backsliding Innkeeper
Some miles short of Lincoln, our postboy stopped at an inn on the road to give his horses a little water. As soon as we went in, the innkeeper burst into tears, as did his wife, wringing her hands and weeping bitterly. "What!" he said, "are you come into my house! My father is John Lester, of Epworth." I found both he and his wife had been of our society till they left them. We spent some time in prayer together, and I trust not in vain.
Saturday, September 4.--l went on to Bath and preached in the evening to a serious but small congregation, for want of notice.
Sunday, 5.--At ten we had a numerous congregation and more communicants than ever I saw before. This day I cut off that vile custom, I know not when or how it began, of preaching three times a day, by the same preacher to the same congregation; enough to weary out both the bodies and minds of the speaker as well as his hearers. Surely God is returning to this society! They are now in earnest to make their calling and election sure.
"I Am Become an Honorable Man"
Monday, October 11.--I went (from London) to Colchester and still found matter of humiliation. The society was lessened and cold enough; preaching again was discontinued, and the spirit of Methodism quite gone both from the preachers and the people. Yet we had a wonderful congregation in the evening, rich and poor, clergy and laity. So we had likewise on Tuesday evening. So that I trust God will at length build up the waste places.
Wednesday, 13.--We set out early, but found no horses at Cobdock; so we were obliged to go round by Ipswich and wait there half an hour. Nevertheless, we got to Norwich between two and three.
In the evening I preached at Norwich, but the house would in no wise contain the congregation. How wonderfully is the tide turned! I am become an honorable man at Norwich. God has at length made our enemies to be at peace with us, and scarcely any but Antinomians open their mouth against us.
Thursday, 14.--l went to Yarmouth and, at length, found a society in peace and much united together. In the evening the congregation was too large to get into the preaching-house; yet they were far less noisy than usual. After supper a little company went to prayer, and the power of God fell upon us; especially when a young woman broke out into prayer, to the surprise and comfort of us all.
Friday, 15.--l went to Lowestoft to a steady, loving, well-united society. The more strange it is that they neither increase nor decrease in number.
Saturday, 16.--I preached at London about one; and at six in Norwich.
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Sunday, 17.--At seven I administered the Lord's supper to about one hundred and fifty persons, nearly twice as many as we had last year.
Wesley's Last Entries
Monday, 18.--No coach going out for Lynn today, I was obliged to take a postchaise. But at Dereham no horses were to be had, so we were obliged to take the same horses to Swaffham. A congregation was ready here that filled the house and seemed quite ready to receive instruction.
But here neither could we procure any posthorses, so that we were obliged to take a single-horse
chaise. The wind, with mizzing style="#_ftn55" name="_ftnref55">[1] rain, came full in our faces, and we had nothing to screen us from it; I was thoroughly chilled from head to foot before I came to Lynn. But I soon forgot this little inconvenience, for which the earnestness of the congregation made me large amends.
Tuesday, 19.--In the evening all the clergymen in the town, except one who was lame, were present at the preaching. They are all prejudiced in favor of the Methodists, as indeed are most of the townsmen; they give a fair proof by contributing so much to our Sunday schools that there is nearly twenty pounds in hand.
Wednesday, 20.--I had appointed to preach at Diss, a town near Scoleton; but the difficulty was where I could preach. The minister was willing I should preach in the church but feared offending the bishop, who, going up to London, was within a few miles of the town. But a gentleman asking the bishop whether he had any objection to it, was answered, "None at all." I think this church is one of the largest in this county. I suppose it has not been so filled these hundred years. This evening and the next I preached at Bury to a deeply attentive congregation, many of whom know in whom they have believed. So that here we have not lost all our labor.
Friday, 22.--We returned to London. Sunday, 24.--l explained, to a numerous congregation in Spitalfields church, "the whole armor of God." St. Paul's, Shadwell, was still more crowded in the afternoon, while I enforced that important truth, "One thing is needful"; and I hope many, even then, resolved to choose the better part.
WESLEY'S LAST HOURS
BY ONE WHO WAS PRESENT On Thursday [February 24, 1791] Mr. Wesley paid his last visit to that lovely place and family, Mr. Wolff's, at Balaam, which I have often heard him speak of with pleasure and much affection. Here Mr. Rogers said he was cheerful, and seemed nearly as well as usual till Friday, about breakfast time, when he seemed very heavy.
About eleven o'clock Mrs. Wolff brought him home: I was struck with his manner of getting out of the coach, and going into the house, but more so as he went upstairs, and when he sat down in the chair. I ran for some refreshment, but before I could get anything for him he had sent Mr.
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R--- out of the room, and desired not to be interrupted for half an hour by anyone, adding, not even if Joseph Bradford come.
Mr. Bradford came a few minutes after, and as soon as the limited time was expired, went into the room; immediately after he came out and desired me to mull some wine with spices and carry it to Mr. Wesley: he drank a little and seemed sleepy. In a few minutes he was seized with sickness, threw it up, and said, "I must lie down." We immediately sent for Dr. Whitehead: on his coming in Mr. Wesley smiled and said, "Doctor, they are more afraid than hurt." He lay most of the day, with a quick pulse, burning fever and extremely sleepy.
Saturday the twenty-sixth, he continued much the same; spoke but little, and if roused to answer a question, or take a little refreshment (which was seldom more than a spoonful at a time) soon dozed again.
On Sunday morning, with a little of Mr. Bradford's help, Mr. Wesley got up, took a cup of tea, and seemed much better. Many of our friends were all hopes: yet Dr. Whitehead said he was not out of danger from his present complaints.
Monday the twenty-eighth his weakness increased apace and his friends in general being greatly alarmed, Dr. Whitehead was desirous they should call in another physician. Mr. Bradford mentioned his desire to our Honored Father, which he absolutely refused, saying, "Dr. Whitehead knows my condition better than anyone; I am perfectly satisfied and will not have anyone else." He slept most of the day, spoke but little; yet that little testified how much his whole heart was taken up in the case of the churches, the glory of God, and the things pertaining to that kingdom to which he was hastening. Once in a low, but very distinct manner, he said, "There is no way into the holiest but by the blood of Jesus." Had he had strength at the time, it seemed as if he would have said more.
Tuesday, March 1, after a very restless night (though, when asked whether he was in pain, he generally answered "No," and never complained through his whole illness, except once, when he said that he felt a pain in his left breast when he drew his breath), he began singing:
All glory to God in the sky, And peace upon earth be restored. [Having sung two verses] his strength failed, but after lying still awhile he called on Mr. Bradford to give him a pen and ink; he brought them, but the right hand had well nigh forgot its cunning, and those active fingers which had been the blessed instruments of spiritual consolation and pleasing instruction to thousands, could no longer perform their office. Some time after, he said to me, "I want to write": I brought him a pen and ink, and on putting the pen into his hand and holding the paper before him, he said, "I cannot." I replied, "Let me write for you, sir; tell me what you would say." "Nothing," returned he, "but that God is with us." In the forenoon he said, "I will get up." While his things were getting ready, he broke out in a manner which, considering his extreme weakness, astonished us all, in these blessed words: I'll praise my Maker while I've breath, And when my voice is lost in death, Praise shall employ my nobler pow'rs; My days of praise shall ne'er be past, While life, and thought, and being last, Or immortality endures.
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Which were also the last words our Reverend and dear Father ever gave out in the City Road Chapel, namely, on Tuesday evening before preaching from, "We through the Spirit wait," and so forth.
When he got into his chair, we saw him change for death: but he, regardless of his dying frame, said, with a weak voice, "Lord, Thou givest strength to those that can speak, and to those that cannot: Speak, Lord, to all our hearts, and let them know that Thou loosest tongues." He then sang: To Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, Who sweetly all agree.
Here his voice failed him, and after gasping for breath, he said, "Now we have done--let us all go." We were obliged to lay him down on the bed from which he rose no more: but after lying still, and sleeping a little, he called me to him and said, "Betsy, you Mr. Bradford, and the others pray and praise." We knelt down, and truly our hearts were filled with the Divine Presence; the room seemed to be filled with God.
A little after he spoke to Mr. Bradford about the key and contents of his bureau; while he attended to the directions given him, Mr. Wesley called me and said, "I would have all things ready for my Executors, Mr. Wolff, Mr. Horton, and Mr. Marriott"--here his voice again failed; but taking breath he added, "Let me be buried in nothing but what is woolen, and let my corpse be carried in my coffin into the Chapel." Then, as if done with all below, he again begged we would pray and praise.
The next pleasing awful scene was the great exertion he made in order to make Mr. B. (who had not left the room) understand that he fervently desired a sermon he had written on the love of God should be scattered abroad, and given away to everybody. Something else he wished to say, but, alas! his speech failed; and those lips which used to feed many were no longer able (except when particular strength was given) to convey their accustomed sounds.
A little after, Mr. Horton coming in, we hoped that if he had anything of moment on his mind, which he wished to communicate, he would again try to tell us what it was, and that either Mr. Horton, or some of those who were most used to hear our dear Father's dying voice would be able to interpret his meaning; but though he strove to speak, we were still unsuccessful. Finding we could not understand what he said, he paused a little, and then with all the remaining strength he had, cried out, "The best of all is, God is with us"; and then, as if to assert the faithfulness of our promise-keeping Jehovah and comfort the hearts of his weeping friends, lifting up his dying arm in token of victory and raising his feeble voice with a holy triumph not to be expressed, again repeated the heart-reviving, words, "The best of all is, God is with us!"
Some time after, giving him something to wet his parched lips, he said, "It will not do, we must take the consequence; never mind the poor carcass." Pausing a little, he cried, "The clouds drop fatness!" and soon after, "The Lord is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge!" He then called us to prayer. Mr. Broadbent was again the mouth of our full hearts, and though Mr. Wesley was greatly exhausted by these exertions, he appeared still more fervent in spirit. Most of the night following, though he was often heard attempting to repeat the psalm before-mentioned, he could only get out, I'll praise---I'll praise---!
On Wednesday morning we found the closing scene drew near. Mr. Bradford, his faithful friend and most affectionate son, prayed with him, and the last word he was heard to articulate was, "Farewell!" A few minutes before ten, while Miss Wesley, Mr. Horton, Mr. Brackenbury, Mr. and Mrs. Rogers, Dr. Whitehead, Mr. Broadbent, Mr. Whitefield, Mr. Bradford, and E. R. were kneeling
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around his bed; according to his often expressed desire, without a lingering groan, this man of God gathered up his feet in the presence of his brethren!
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Indexes
Index of Scripture References
Genesis 1:27 18:32 Exodus
23:9 Deuteronomy
8:2 26 Job 3:17 27:21 Psalms 29:3 29:4 29:10 31:1 90:12 104:8 116:12 116:13 147:20 Proverbs
3:6 Ecclesiastes 11:1 12:13 Isaiah 26:4 45:22 45:22 55:1 55:6 55:6 55:7 61:1 61:2 Jeremiah 6:16 23:6 Ezekiel 24:16 33:2 33:11 37:4 Hosea 14:4 14:4 Micah
6:8 Malachi
2 Matthew 3 3:7 8:26 22:4 24:44 28:5 Mark 1:15 1:15 2:17 8:37 12:34 12:34 16:17 Luke 4:18 4:18 4:19 9:23 10:23 10:24 10:42 12:20 13:23 15:1 15:7 18 18:13 19:47 John 4:24 5:25 5:25 7:37 7:38 7:371 8:31 10:11 Acts 2:4 3:6 10:15 13:40 13:41 17:30 20 26:28 26:38 28:22 28:22 Romans
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1:16 3:22 3:23 6:23 14:17 14:17 1 Corinthians 1:23 1:30 10:31 13:3 2 Corinthians 5:1-4 5:17 5:19 6:2 Galatians 6:12 6:14 6:14 Ephesians
5:14 Philippians
3:8 3:8 1 Thessalonians 5:19 2 Timothy 2:3 Hebrews 4:14 7:25 8:11 8:12 9:27 13:8 2 Peter 1:4 1 John 3:8 3:8 3:9 4:11 5 5:11 5:11 5:12 Revelation 20 20:11 20:12 20:12 22:12 22:17