Even now, though I find pain daily in my eye, or temple, or arm; yet it is never violent and
John Wesley Journal of John Wesley
Saturday, June 28.--I this day enter on my eighty-fifth year; and what cause have I to praise God, as for a thousand spiritual blessings, so for bodily blessings also[ How little have I suffered yet by "the rush of numerous years!" It is true, I am not so agile as I was in times past. I do not run or walk so fast as I did; my sight is a little decayed; my left eye is grown dim and hardly serves me to read. I have daily some pain in the ball of my right eye, as also in my right temple (occasioned by a blow received some months since), and in my right shoulder and arm, which I impute partly to a sprain, and partly to the rheumatism.
I find likewise some decay in my memory, with regard to names and things lately past; but not at all with regard to what I have read or heard twenty, forty, or sixty years ago, neither do I find any decay in my hearing, smell, taste, or appetite (though I want but a third part of the food I did once); nor do I feel any such thing as weariness, either in traveling or preaching. I am not conscious of any decay in writing sermons which I do as readily, and I believe as correctly, as ever.
To what cause can I impute this, that I am as I am? First, doubtless, to the power of God, fitting me for the work to which I am called, as long as He pleases to continue me therein; and, next, subordinately to this, to the prayers of His children.
May we not impute it as inferior means, 1. To my constant exercise and change of air? 2. To my never having lost a night's sleep, sick or well, at land or at sea, since I was born? 3. To my having slept at command so that whenever I feel myself almost worn out I call it and it comes, day or night?
4. To my having constantly, for about sixty years, risen at four in the morning? 5. To my constant preaching at five in the morning, for above fifty years? 6. To my having had so little pain in my life; and so little sorrow, or anxious care? Even now, though I find pain daily in my eye, or temple, or arm; yet it is never violent and seldom lasts many minutes at a time.
Whether or not this is sent to give me warning that I am shortly to quit this tabernacle, I do not know; but be it one way or the. other, I have only to say, My remnant of days I spend to His praise Who died the whole world to redeem: Be they many or few, My days are His due, And they all are devoted to Him!
I preached in the morning on Psalm 90:12; in the evening on Acts 13:40, 41; I endeavored to improve the hours between to the best advantage.
Sunday, 29.--At eight I preached at Misterton, as usual; about one to a numerous congregation at Newby, near Haxey; and about four at my old stand in Epworth market place, to the great congregation.
Sunday, July 6.--I came to Epworth before the church service began and was glad to observe the seriousness with which Mr. Gibson read prayers and preached a plain, useful sermon. But I was sorry to see scarcely twenty communicants, half of whom came on my account. I was informed likewise that scarcely fifty persons used to attend the Sunday service. What can be done to remedy this sore evil?
John Wesley Journal of John Wesley
"What Is to Be Done?" I fain would prevent the members here from leaving the Church; but I cannot do it. As Mr. C. is not a pious man, but rather an enemy to piety who frequently preaches against the truth and those that hold and love it, I cannot with all my influence persuade them either to hear him or to attend the sacrament administered by him. If I cannot carry this point even while I live, who then can do it when I die? And the case of Epworth is the case of every church where the minister neither loves nor preaches the gospel. The Methodists will not attend his ministrations. What then is to be done?
At four I preached in the market place on Romans 6:23 and vehemently exhorted the listening multitude to choose the better part.
Monday, 7.--Having taken leave of this affectionate people, probably for the last time, I went over to Finningley; I preached at eleven on that verse in the second lesson, Luke 19:47. After dinner we walked over Mr. H.'s domain, the like of which I never saw in so small a compass. It contains a rabbit-warren, deer, swans, pheasants in abundance, besides a fishpond and an elegant garden. Variety indeed! But is there no danger that such a multitude of things should divert the mind from the "one thing needful"?
An Important Conference
I preached at the new chapel (London) every evening during the Conference, which continued nine days, beginning on Tuesday, July 29, and ending on Wednesday, August 6. We found the time little enough being obliged to pass very briefly over many things which deserved a fuller consideration.
Sunday, August 3.--l preached at the new chapel, so filled as it scarcely ever was before, both morning and evening.
Monday, 4.--At five we had a good evening congregation; I believe many felt the power of the Word, or rather, of God speaking therein.
One of the most important points considered at this conference .was that of leaving the Church. The sum of a long conversation was 1) that, in a course of fifty years, we had neither premeditately 39 nor willingly varied from it in one article either of doctrine or discipline; 2) that we were not yet conscious of varying from it in any point of doctrine; 3) that we have in a course of years, out of necessity, not choice, slowly and warily varied in some points of discipline, by preaching in the fields, by extemporary prayer, by employing lay preachers, by forming and regulating societies, and by holding yearly conferences. But we did none of these things till we were convinced we could no longer omit them but at the peril of our souls.
Wednesday, 6.--Our Conference ended, as it began, in great peace. We kept this day as a fast, meeting at five, nine, and one for prayer; and concluding the day with a solemn watch night.
The three following days I retired, revised my papers, and finished all the work I had to do in London.
39 Correct
John Wesley Journal of John Wesley
Sunday, 10. I was engaged in a very unpleasing work; the discharge of an old servant. She had been my housekeeper at West Street for many years and was one of the best housekeepers I had had there; but her husband was so notorious a drunkard that I could not keep them in the house any longer. She received her dismission in an excellent spirit, praying God to bless us all.
I preached in the morning at West Street to a large congregation, but to a far larger at the new chapel in the evening. It seems the people in general do not expect that I shall remain among them a great while after my brother; and that, therefore, they are willing to hear while they can. In the evening we set out in the mail coach and early in the morning got to Portsmouth.
Saturday, September 6.--I walked over to Mr. Henderson's, at Hannam, and thence to Bristol. But my friends, more kind than wise, would scarcely suffer it. It seemed so sad a thing to walk five or six miles! I am ashamed that a Methodist preacher in tolerable health should make any difficulty of this.
"The Gentle Steps of Age"
Monday, December 15.--In the evening I preached at Miss Teulon's school in Highgate. I think it was the coldest night I ever remember. The house we were in stood on the edge of the hill, and the east wind set full in the window. I counted eleven, twelve, one, and was then obliged to dress, the cramp growing more and more violent. But in the morning, not only the cramp was gone, but likewise the lameness which used to follow it.
About this time I was reflecting on the gentle steps whereby age steals upon us. Take only one instance. Four years ago my sight was as good as it was at five-and-twenty. I then began to observe that I did not see things quite so clearly with my left eye as with my right; all objects appeared a little browner to that eye. I began next to find some difficulty in reading a small print by candlelight. A year after, I found it in reading such a print by daylight. In winter, 1786, I could not well read our four-shilling hymnbook unless with a large candle; the next year I could not read letters if written with a small or bad hand. Last winter a pearl appeared on my left eye, the sight of which grew exceedingly dim. The right eye seems unaltered; only I am a great deal neater-sighted than ever I was. Thus are "those that look out at the windows darkened"; one of the marks of old age. But I bless God, "the grasshopper is" not "a burden." I am still capable of traveling, and my memory is much the same as ever it was; and so, I think, is my understanding.
Wesley Sits to Romney
1789.-Thursday, January 1.--If this is to be the last year of my life, according to some of those prophecies, I hope it will be the best. I am not careful about it but heartily receive the advice of the angel in Milton,
How well is thine: how long permit to heaven.
John Wesley Journal of John Wesley
Monday, 5.--At the earnest desire of Mrs. T---, I once more sat for my picture. Mr. Romney is a painter indeed. He struck off an exact likeness at once; and did more in one hour than Sir Joshua did in ten.
Friday, 9.--I left no money to anyone in my will, because I had none. But now considering that, whenever I am removed, money will soon arise by the sale of books, I added a few legacies by a codicil, to be paid as soon as may be. But I would fain do a little good while I live; for who can tell what will come after him?
Tuesday, 13.--l spent a day or two with my good old friends at Newington. Thursday, 15. I retired to Camberwell and carried on my journal, probably as far as I shall live to write it.
Tuesday, 20.--I retired in order to finish my year's accounts. If possible, I must be a better economist; for instead of having anything beforehand, I am now considerably in debt; but this I do not like. I would fain settle even my accounts before I die.
Wesley Explains Methodism
Sunday, March 1, was a solemn day indeed. The pew chapel was sufficiently crowded both morning and afternoon; and few that expected a parting blessing were disappointed of their hope. At seven in the evening I took the mailcoach; and having three of our brethren, we spent a comfortable night, partly in sound sleep and partly in singing praise to God. It will now quickly be seen whether they who prophesied some time since that I should not outlive this month be sent of God or not. One way or the other, it is my care to be always ready.
April 12 (Dublin).--(Being Easter day.) We had a solemn assembly indeed; many hundred communicants in the morning, and in the afternoon far more hearers than our room would contain, though it is now considerably enlarged. Afterward I met the society and explained to them at large the original design of the Methodists, namely, not to be a distinct party but to stir up all parties, Christians or heathens, to worship God in spirit and in truth; but the Church of England in particular, to which they belonged from the beginning. With this view I have uniformly gone on for fifty years, never varying from the doctrine of the Church at all; nor from her discipline, of choice, but of necessity; so, in a course of years, necessity was laid upon me (as I have proved elsewhere) 1) to preach in the open air; 2) to pray extempore; 3) to form societies; 4) to accept of the assistance of lay preachers; and, in a few other instances, to use such means as occurred, to prevent or remove evils that we either felt or feared.
Wesley Describes Himself at Eighty-five
Sunday, June 28.--In the conclusion of the morning service, we had a remarkable blessing; and the same in the evening, moving the whole congregation as the heart of one man.
This day I enter on my eighty-sixth year. I now find I grow old: 1) my sight is decayed so that I cannot read a small print, unless in a strong light; 2) my strength is decayed so that I walk much slower than I did some years since; 3) my memory of names, whether of persons or places, is
John Wesley Journal of John Wesley
decayed till I stop a little to recollect them. What I should be afraid of is if I took thought for the morrow, that my body should weigh down my mind and create either stubbornness, by the decrease of my understanding; or peevishness, by the increase of bodily infirmities; but Thou shalt answer for me, O Lord my God.
Saturday, August 8.--I settled all my temporal business and, in particular, chose a new person to prepare the Arminian Magazine;
I was obliged, however unwillingly, to drop Mr. O---, for only these two reasons: 1) the errata are unsufferable; I have borne them for these twelve years, but can bear them no longer; 2) several pieces are inserted without my knowledge, both in prose and verse. I must try whether these things cannot be amended for the short residue of my life.
"How Is the Tide Turned!"
Monday, 17.--In the afternoon, as we could not pass by the common road, we procured leave to drive round by some fields, and got to Falmouth in good time. The last time I was here, about forty years ago, I was taken prisoner by an immense mob, gaping and roaring like lions. But how is the tide turned! High and low now lined the street, from one end of the town to the other, out of stark love and kindness, gaping and staring as if the King were going by. In the evening I preached on the smooth top of the hill, at a small distance from the sea, to the largest congregation I have ever seen in Cornwall, except in or near Redruth. And such a time I have not known before, since I returned from Ireland. Cod moved wonderfully on the hearts of the people, who all seemed to know the day of their visitation.
Wednesday, 19.--I preached at noon in the high street in Helstone, to the largest and most serious congregation which I ever remember to have seen there. Thursday, 20. I went on to St. Just and preached in the evening to a lovely congregation, many of whom have not left their first love. Friday, 21. About eleven I preached at Newlyn, and in the evening at Penzance; at both places I was obliged to preach abroad. Saturday, 22. I crossed over to Redruth and at six preached to a huge multitude, as usual, from the steps of the market house. The Word seemed to sink deep into every heart. I know not that ever I spent such a week in Cornwall before.
Sunday, 23.--l preached there again in the morning and in the evening at the amphitheater, I suppose, for the last time. My voice cannot now command the still increasing multitude. It was supposed they were now more than five and twenty thousand. I think it scarcely possible that all should bear.
Thursday, October 8.--I am now as well, by the good providence of God, as I am likely to be while I live. My sight is so decayed that I cannot well read by candlelight; but I can write as well as ever. My strength is much lessened so that I cannot easily preach above twice a day. But, I bless God, my memory is not much decayed, and my understanding is as clear as it has been these fifty years.
Wesley's Eighty-sixth Christmas