The Thirty Ninth Sermon, the Seventh on the Fifth Chapter - Ephesians 5:22-26
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word." - Ephesians 5:22-26 We have observed how each of us is subject to our neighbours, and how we cannot live together without performing some duty of subjection. We tend to disapprove of others because each of us desires to be above our fellows, and we hold our pride in such high regard that it is difficult for us to humble ourselves. We have also seen that if we fear God, we should not find it strange to submit to our neighbours because God created us with this condition. In general, charity binds us so closely that we should neither disdain nor favour one person over another, nor consider a third person unworthy of service. For, in relation to God, we must either bow our necks or our stubbornness will lead to our downfall.
Now, let us delve deeper and understand that there are certain degrees among men. While the general rule stands that each of us must strive to fulfil our duty, there is also a greater subjection, particularly of the son to the father, the wife to her husband, and subordinates to their superiors, more so than is the case among all men in general. I have mentioned before that there is a brotherhood even among strangers on Earth because they share a common nature, and each must acknowledge their indebtedness to others. However, when God has joined people together in a closer and holier bond, they must pay more attention to themselves. When a wife is united to her husband, she is given to him as a help and becomes a part of his body. In this special subjection, even though the husband holds superior authority, he is also bound to his wife as she is his companion, both in life and death. The same principle applies to children and fathers, as well as subjects and their princes or superiors, and servants and their masters, each according to their role and station.
The main point we need to discuss now is that we must live in charity with one another, generally endeavouring to fulfil the duties that God has assigned to us to the best of our abilities. We should not despise the order established by God but rather be all the more motivated to do our duty, knowing that by rejecting this condition, we would be in conflict with God.
Now, let's turn to the topic of marriage, which is not a human invention but ordained by God. It is solemnized in His name, and the Scriptures describe it as a holy and divine covenant. Therefore, if a wife is obstinate and unwilling to bear the yoke, she wrongs not only her husband but also God Himself. Why? Because it is God's will that this bond should be inviolable, and yet a mortal creature wishes to break it and tear it asunder.
We see, then, that when a wife rebels against her husband, she rebels against God Himself. On the other hand, when a man insists on ruling as he pleases, despises his wife, or treats her cruelly and harshly, he openly defies and disobeys God. He should remember why he was created, the purpose of marriage, and the laws God has established. Therefore, St. Paul calls on us to consider God in all circumstances, especially when interacting with others. If we focus on the faults and excuses of those we associate with, we will always find reasons to exempt ourselves from following God's laws.
Husbands may argue that they have a stubborn or proud wife with a will of her own, or a talkative one. Some wives might have husbands who are temperamental, rowdy, or who frequent taverns and alehouses or engage in gambling and frivolous behaviour. Others might have husbands who are unfaithful, gluttonous, or drunkards. Every person could find excuses to avoid fulfilling their marital duties. However, when we come before God, we cannot justify ourselves by making excuses. Even if husbands and wives misbehave, God does not permit their marriage to be dissolved except in cases of divorce as explained by our Lord Jesus. The vices of one spouse should not hinder the submission and obedience of the other, and if a wife does not fulfill her duties as she should, the husband cannot cast her off. God's ordinances must always remain steadfast, and the bond created by His word must be inviolable.
It is evident that this lesson is often disregarded in the world. The root of the problem lies in the fact that few in marriage have their eyes on God.
While they may seek blessings and prosperity from God, they do not entrust themselves to His guidance or sincerely call upon Him. Some seek wealth and gain, others seek pleasure and indulgence, but few place God at the centre of their marriage. It is no wonder that when the beginning is so flawed, the end becomes disordered. When God is lightly esteemed and despised in marriage, He must take revenge. Therefore, let us heed St. Paul's lesson, recognizing that marriage was ordained by God, and those entering into it must wholly dedicate themselves to Him, making Him their refuge. This binding commitment between husband and wife is established by God, and both parties must fulfil their respective duties.
Regarding wives owing subjection to their husbands, we must note that this subjection is twofold. Even before Eve's creation and the fall of Adam and Eve, man was the head of woman. St. Paul uses the same reasoning to argue against the idea of wives having equal status with their husbands. He explains that man was not created from a woman, but woman from man. She is a part of his body. God could have created Eve from the earth just as He created Adam, but He chose to unite man and woman with such a condition that men would love their wives, knowing that they are of the same substance and flesh. Likewise, women, knowing that they have no other origin than man, should bear their subjection patiently and willingly. If a hand, which is a part of the body, were to refuse its place and insist on being on top of the head, what chaos would result?
If we reflect on the creation of man and woman, husbands should be encouraged to love and cherish their wives as they do themselves. Wives, being formed from the substance of man, should submit themselves willingly to their husbands as their head. However, there is another aspect to the wife's subjection. We know that she was deceived. Therefore, women must remember that in their submission to their husbands, they bear the mark of Eve's sin. They should consider that if marriage had remained pure and uncorrupted, it would have brought joy to both husbands and wives. All things would have been blessed by God, and every aspect of life would have been filled with happiness and prosperity. Yet, because of the fall of Adam, there are now signs of God's curse in everything, including marriage.
Women should feel the consequences of their sins, and men experience them as well. If Adam and Eve had remained in the righteousness God had given them, life on Earth would have been like paradise, and marriage would have been so beautiful that husbands and wives would have lived in harmony, much like the angels in heaven who live in peace and brotherly love. Therefore, when a man has a troublesome and cursed wife whom he cannot control, he should reflect on the fruit of original sin and the corruption within himself. On her part, the wife should accept the consequences of her disobedience to God, recognizing that she did not submit to His will.
Regarding the word "subjection" mentioned here, St. Paul is not suggesting that men should be equated with God or our Lord Jesus Christ, for that would be a grave oversight. Instead, he emphasizes that the fear and reverence a woman should have for God and her subjection to her husband are inseparable. Just as he earlier encouraged mutual submission with the phrase "in the fear of God," he now illustrates that husbands and wives must submit to each other in obedience to God's divine order. Pretending to honour and obey God while rejecting and despising one's neighbour is sheer hypocrisy. Similarly, a wife who feigns great devotion but engages in strife and quarrels with her husband at home displays a lack of the fear of God.
It's essential to note that St. Paul uses this analogy not to equate mortal husbands with Jesus Christ but to emphasise that since our Lord Jesus has authority over marriage, everyone must look to Him. Every individual should submit willingly, knowing that refusing one's role would be to disregard Him, as He desires marriage to be maintained through mutual duty. This means that husbands should love their wives, and wives should submit to their husbands – the core of the matter to remember in this context.
Now, let wives carefully consider their duties and understand that when they contend with their husbands, it is as if they were rejecting God. God created them with the condition that they should be subject to their husbands. Some may become so proud and haughty as to ask, "Should my husband have authority over me?" Yet, by doing so, they demonstrate that they are unwilling to recognise God's authority over them and are ready to trample God's law underfoot. Therefore, women must inevitably humble themselves and understand that the ruin and confusion of all humanity came about through them. Through their disobedience, we all fell into disgrace and were banished from the kingdom of heaven.
When women say, "I understand that all this came about because of the sin of womankind," as St. Paul explains in another place, they must humble themselves and patiently bear the subjection that God has placed upon them. This subjection is a reminder to remain humble and gentle. However, if they rise against their husbands and cannot submit to their authority, they are essentially confirming the sin of Adam and Eve and rejecting God's healing of that wound. When they make war against the grace of God in this manner, the result can only be utter confusion. Even if headstrong wives do not consider this, God takes note, and they will eventually have to answer for their actions to their own shame. Therefore, let us heed this warning so that every person may glorify God in their own household.
Husbands, on the other hand, must also consider their duties. While they are not subject to their wives in the strictest sense, because their wives have no authority over them, they are elevated to the honour of superiority with certain conditions. They should not be cruel to their wives or act as if everything is granted and permissible because they are in charge. Instead, their authority should be a partnership rather than a dictatorship. Husbands are not the heads of their wives to oppress them or keep an account of their actions. Instead, they should recognise that their authority binds them all the more to their wives. As the head, they must use discretion and wisdom to guide their wives and households. The way to achieve this is through gentleness, kindness, and patience, considering the weaknesses in their wives.
Husbands must require obedience from their wives while fulfilling their own duties. They should realise that God will not tolerate them if they give their wives reasons to rebel. If husbands act wisely and uprightly, wives will submit willingly, and God will work in their hearts to bring peace to the household. However, the key is to call upon God, for human efforts alone will often prove futile. Husbands should pray for the grace and power to win their wives' agreement and humility. It is unfortunate that many husbands deal harshly with their wives, thinking that by force they can win them over, often causing physical harm. Such actions are inhumane and torturous and go against the purpose of the authority given by God.
On the other hand, many women do not reflect on God's teachings before marriage. It is rare to find a woman who prays fervently to God when considering marriage. Most hear that the husband must be the head, and they accept it as the way of the world. However, they often display stubbornness and pride, wishing to remove God from His seat. They believe that the teachings we read are merely derived from Scripture, and they resist being subject to them.
Furthermore, they often form alliances among themselves, declaring, "I assure you, I will hold my ground. If my husband tries to confront me, he will soon realize that I am not bothered, and I will keep him at bay until he sees that he is wasting his efforts and gives up." This is often how women approach their role in managing the household. So, it is challenging to find even one among a hundred who has a different mindset or does not fully intend to act in this manner.
On the husband's side, they may think, "Leave her to me; I will handle her just fine." It is as if they believe they know better than God, who has provided guidance on how to handle this situation. Winning a wife is not about approaching her with stubbornness, playing the role of a tyrant, or using intimidation. None of these methods will work. Yet men often think so highly of themselves that they believe a stern look will suffice. They engage in debates and arguments, neglecting God as if He had nothing to teach them. They fail to recognize that they should turn to Him, praying for His guidance to soften their wives' hearts and lead them to obedience and gentleness.
Therefore, we should remember the valuable lessons provided to us here. For this reason, Paul applies the analogy of our Lord Jesus Christ to both sides of the marriage. He instructs women that it is for their own benefit to be submissive to their husbands. Why? Let us consider the spiritual state of the Church. How miserable would our condition be if we were separated from our Lord Jesus Christ? We would lose all hope of life and all of God's blessings. Even if we enjoyed many worldly gifts, they would all become a source of displeasure if we were not members of our Lord Jesus Christ. In short, without the Son of God, everything would be scattered and chaotic in this world.
Therefore, there must be a similar connection in marriage. Women must understand that since matrimony is an image of the spiritual union between us and the Son of God, it is to their advantage to be under their husbands and obedient to them. This arrangement will benefit them much more than if they were free to govern themselves without restraint. Although they may not fully grasp this concept, they should consider who is right in the end – God or women. If they insist that it is better for them to have no subjection to their husbands, they are arguing against God's ordained plan, which is designed for their welfare. They need to acknowledge that Jesus Christ is set as the savior of the body so that wives may realize that God has provided for their needs more effectively than they could ever imagine, even after thorough contemplation and reasoning.
It is evident that women do not fully understand what is for their own benefit, as God Himself has placed them in subjection to their husbands, solely for their own welfare. On the other hand, Paul also addresses the husbands, so they do not misuse the authority given to them or disrupt the harmony that should prevail in marriage. He reminds them of the example set by our Lord Jesus Christ, asking how He loved His church. First and foremost, Christ gave Himself for it and did not spare Himself when He took on human flesh. Although He had all power and dominion, requiring all to bow before Him, even the Apostle Paul said that all, both great and small, must acknowledge Him. However, Christ did not reign in a way that exercised tyranny over us. On the contrary, He humbled Himself. Despite His sovereign dominion over the angels of heaven, He willingly subjected Himself to the law and became a servant, even emptying Himself for our sake.
When we contemplate the immense love that God has shown us in our Lord Jesus Christ, who has assumed the role of a husband and allowed us to be as a wife under Him, it should inspire both husbands and wives. Unless they are filled with brutish or devilish pride, both husbands and wives should be moved. Considering that our Lord Jesus Christ humbled Himself out of love for us, even though we are unworthy, and that He has indicated that it is best for wives to be subjected to their husbands and for husbands to bear with their wives, this should suffice to motivate them. The root of the problem lies in the fact that many are too beastly and proud, or devoid of reason. If even a single drop of this truth were present in their hearts, it should prompt them to mend their ways and fulfill their duties on both sides. If this were genuinely considered, there would be much more tranquility in households, and husbands and wives would not behave like cats and dogs, constantly sniping at each other.
The real issue is the absence of the fear of God among them. Shouldn't men remember the grace bestowed upon us by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ both morning and evening? When they truly contemplate this grace, married men should also reflect on how they should conduct themselves towards their wives, just as Jesus Christ has behaved towards them. Is this not sufficient to soften even the hardest of hearts, which may be as unyielding as stone or steel? Similarly, if women recalled the redemption and salvation offered to them, their hearts would surely be softened, and they would not persist in stubbornness. They would willingly accept the yoke of our Lord Jesus Christ, thus sharing in the benefits He obtained through His death and passion.
Therefore, we see that when the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is preached, it often falls on deaf ears, and most people gain nothing from it, as they continue in their obstinate ways. It is important to note that even if husbands are difficult and wives seem incorrigible, it does not absolve either party from fulfilling their duties.
For example, consider a husband who has a gentle and tractable wife, as I mentioned earlier. He, on his part, can bear with her, and there can be a wonderful harmony and joy between them. But perhaps another man may say that he has a wife who is a drunkard or a glutton, while someone else claims that his wife is extravagant and overly proud, spending excessively on her appearance. Others might complain that their wives are lazy housewives who do nothing. These things may seem justifiable to some, and as I mentioned earlier, if it were only about the parties themselves, they might have a defence ready to cast off all responsibility. However, in such cases, husbands should reflect upon their own behaviour, not only in worldly matters but also towards God.
When a husband examines himself thoroughly and acknowledges his own faults, he will remain patient and bear with his wife's shortcomings until God grants her the grace to mend her ways. Meanwhile, regardless of how the world goes, he should continue to be a good husband by trying to win her over with kindness. He is not in a position of superiority for his own benefit, but for the welfare of his partner. Since it is an inviolable law, the same reasoning should persuade women as well. If a woman has a husband who is a drunkard, frequents taverns and drinking establishments, is addicted to gambling, is wasteful, indulges in riotous behaviour, or is indifferent towards her, so that despite her best efforts to obey and please him, she receives no peace or goodwill in return, she should consider it as God's scourge upon her. She should reflect upon how she has failed to serve and honour God and how she has not met the challenges He has presented to her. Then she should conclude that regardless of her own faults, she cannot break the bond that God has ordained for mortal creatures. To do so would be to strive against God, and she must submit herself to her husband, who is her head. Even if he is intimidating, she must remember that she is submitting to God, who has her husband's heart in His hand and can change it as He pleases. She must not provoke her husband to win her over with force, as it would displease both God and her husband.
Therefore, the wife's faults cannot release the husband from the unbroken law ordained by God, which is to live together in harmony. Similarly, the vices of the husband shall not excuse the wife from yielding subjection and obedience in all things for the sake of God, as is stated here. St. Paul, to strengthen this exhortation, further explains how our Lord Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the body. He did this by giving Himself for the church to sanctify it and make it holy. Although the full doctrine here cannot be elaborated upon now, we must understand that it amplifies what was briefly mentioned earlier. Both the husband and wife can control their wicked desires, and when tempted to separate or quarrel, the means to subdue all evil passions is to focus on the pledge of the spiritual union between our Lord Jesus Christ and us, which will be discussed further later. First and foremost, it is stated that we must consider that our Lord Jesus Christ gave Himself for us, marking that word "for" as significant. In the beginning of our redemption, it shows that our Lord Jesus Christ, to a certain extent, disregarded Himself and did not consider His own person when He worked towards our salvation. He was given to us by God, who, as stated in the third chapter of St. John, loved the world so much that He did not spare His only Son but gave Him up for our sake.
Nevertheless, our Lord Jesus Christ willingly gave Himself up. "No man taketh my life from me," Sophie, "but I lay it down, for it was requisite that the sacrifice which He offered for the remission of our sins should be willing." You see then, Jesus Christ gave Himself unto death. If we inquire about the cause, surely it was primarily to fulfill the will and eternal decree of God, His Father. However, in doing so, He showed how dear we were to Him and how precious our souls are in His sight, as He willingly offered Himself for us in that manner.
Therefore, on one hand, husbands must consider what they owe to their wives, namely, that they should be as dear to them as their own lives, at the very least. Even if they do so, they still cannot reach the perfection of our Lord Jesus Christ but follow Him at a great distance. On the other hand, wives must also bear in mind that it is God's will that in marriage, there should be a representation of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. They would greatly err if they do not submit themselves when God calls them to do so. Along the way, let us understand that by saying Jesus Christ gave Himself for us, we are magnifying God's goodness towards us and the love that Jesus Christ had for us. We should acknowledge that it is all due to the free mercy of God His Father and that our Lord Jesus Christ, out of His great compassion, came to our aid. Reflecting on these things, we will be moved to fulfill our duties without reluctance. We will also be inspired to glorify our God and acknowledge, both with our words and our entire lives, how much we owe Him.
Seeing that God has poured out the treasures of His mercy upon us, not only delivering us from the condemnation we were under and rescuing us from death but also giving us His beloved Son as a pledge of His love, we should be grateful. Jesus Christ assumed the role of our mediator and ransom, presenting us blameless before God, so that the devil can no longer accuse us. Although he remains our adversary, we are subject to him until we are set free from this bondage through the Redeemer. Now, let us humble ourselves before the majesty of our good God, acknowledging our faults, and pray for the wisdom to recognize them, ask for His forgiveness, and continually reform ourselves. May our lives be increasingly shaped by His law in accordance with the measure of grace we have received from Him. Let us all say, "Almighty God, Heavenly Father, etc."