Section 4
This is a vision shown, through God’s goodness, to a devout woman, and her name is Julian, and she is a recluse at Norwich and is still alive in the year of our Lord 1413; in this vision there are many comforting and very moving words for all those who wish to be lovers of Christ.
1
I asked for three graces of God’s gift. The first was vivid perception of Christ’s Passion, the second was bodily sickness and the third was for God to give me three wounds. I thought of the first as I was meditating: it seemed to me that I could feel the Passion of Christ strongly, but yet I longed by God’s grace to feel it more intensely. I thought how I wished I had been there at the crucifixion with Mary Magdalene and with others who were Christ’s dear friends, that I might have seen in the flesh the Passion of our Lord which he suffered for me, so that I could have suffered with him as others did who loved him. Nevertheless, I firmly believed in all the torments of Christ as Holy Church reveals and teaches them, and also in the paintings of crucifixes that are made by God’s grace in the likeness of Christ’s Passion, according to the teaching of Holy Church, as far as human imagination can reach.
In spite of all this true faith, I longed to be shown him in the flesh so that I might have more knowledge of our Lord and Saviour’s bodily suffering and of our Lady’s fellow-suffering and that of all his true friends who have believed in his pain then and since; I wanted to be one of them and suffer with him. I never wished for any other sight or showing of God until my soul left my body, for I faithfully trusted that I would be saved, and my intention was this: that afterwards, because of the showing, I would have a truer perception of Christ’s Passion.
As for the second gift, there came to me with contrition, freely, without any effort on my part, a strong wish to have of God’s gift a bodily sickness. And I wanted this bodily sickness to be to the death, so that I might in that sickness receive all the rites of Holy Church, that I might myself believe I was dying and that everyone who saw me might believe the same, for I wanted no hopes of fleshly or earthly life. I longed to have in this sickness every kind of suffering both of body and soul that I would experience if I died, with all the terror and turmoil of the fiends, and all other kinds of torment, except for actually giving up the ghost, because I hoped that it might be to my benefit when I died, for I longed to be soon with my God.
I longed for these two things – the Passion and the sickness – with one reservation, for it seemed to me that they went beyond the common course of prayers; and therefore I said, ‘Lord, you know what I would have. If it is your will that I should have it, grant it to me. And if it is not your will, good Lord, do not be displeased, for I only want what you want.’ I asked for this sickness in my youth, to have it when I was thirty years old.
As for the third gift, I heard a man of Holy Church tell the story of Saint Cecilia; from his description I understood that she received three sword wounds in the neck from which she slowly and painfully died. Moved by this I conceived a great longing, praying our Lord God that he would grant me three wounds in my lifetime: that is to say, the wound of contrition, the wound of compassion and the wound of an earnest longing for God. Just as I asked for the other two with a reservation, so I asked for the third with no reservation.
The first two of the longings just mentioned passed from my mind, and the third stayed with me continually.
2
And when I was thirty and a half years old, God sent me a bodily sickness in which I lay for three days and three nights; and on the fourth night I received all the rites of Holy Church and did not believe that I would live until morning. And after this I lingered on for two days and two nights. And on the third night I often thought that I was dying, and so did those who were with me. But at this time I was very sorry and reluctant to die, not because there was anything on earth that I wanted to live for, nor because I feared anything, for I trusted in God, but because I wanted to live so as to love God better and for longer, so that through the grace of longer life I might know and love God better in the bliss of heaven. For it seemed to me that all the short time I could live here was as nothing compared with that heavenly bliss. So I thought, ‘My good Lord, may my ceasing to live be to your glory!’ And I was answered in my reason, and by the pains I felt, that I was dying. And I fully accepted the will of God with all the will of my heart.
So I endured till day, and by then my body was dead to all sensation from the waist down. Then I felt I wanted to be in a sitting position, leaning with my head back against the bedding, so that my heart could be more freely at God’s disposition, and so that I could think of God while I was still alive; and those who were with me sent for the parson, my parish priest, to be present at my death. He came, and a boy with him, and brought a cross, and by the time he came my eyes were fixed and I could not speak. The parson set the cross before my face and said, ‘Daughter, I have brought you the image of your Saviour. Look upon it and be comforted, in reverence to him that died for you and me.’ It seemed to me that I was well as I was, for my eyes were looking fixedly upwards into heaven, where I trusted that I was going. But nevertheless I consented to fix my eyes on the face of the crucifix if I could, so as to be able to do so for longer until the moment of my death; because I thought that I might be able to bear looking straight ahead for longer than I could manage to look upwards. After this my sight began to fail and the room was dim all around me, as dark as if it had been night, except that in the image of the cross an ordinary, household light remained – I could not understand how. Everything except the cross was ugly to me, as if crowded with fiends. After this I felt as if the upper part of my body was beginning to die. My hands fell down on either side, and my head settled down sideways for weakness. The greatest pain that I felt was shortness of breath and failing of life. Then I truly believed that I was at the point of death. And at this moment all my suffering suddenly left me, and I was as completely well, especially in the upper part of my body, as ever I was before or after. I marvelled at this change, for it seemed to me a mysterious work of God, not a natural one. And yet, although I felt comfortable, I still did not expect to live, nor did feeling more comfortable comfort me entirely, for I felt that I would rather have been released from this world, for in my heart I was willing to die.
3
And it suddenly occurred to me that I should entreat our Lord graciously to give me the second wound, so that he would fill my whole body with remembrance of the feeling of his blessed Passion, as I had prayed before; for I wanted his pains to be my pains, with compassion, and then longing for God. Yet in this I never asked for a bodily sight or any kind of showing of God, but for fellow-suffering, such as it seemed to me a naturally kind soul might feel for our Lord Jesus, who was willing to become a mortal man for love. I wanted to suffer with him, while living in my mortal body, as God would give me grace.
And I suddenly saw the red blood trickling down from under the crown of thorns, all hot, freshly, plentifully and vividly, just as I imagined it was at the moment when the crown of thorns was thrust on to his blessed head – he who was both God and man, the same who suffered for me. I believed truly and strongly that it was he himself who showed me this, without any intermediary, and then I said, ‘Benedicite dominus!’ Because I meant this with such deep veneration, I said it in a very loud voice; and I was astounded, feeling wonder and admiration that he was willing to be so familiar with a sinful being living in this wretched flesh. I supposed at that time that our Lord Jesus of his courteous love would show me comfort before the time of my temptation. For I thought it might well be, by God’s permission and under his protection, that I would be tempted by fiends before I died. With this sight of the blessed Passion, along with the Godhead that I saw in my mind, I saw that I, yes, and every creature living that would be saved, could have strength to resist all the fiends of hell and all spiritual enemies.
4
And at the same time that I saw this bodily sight, our Lord showed me a spiritual vision of his familiar love. I saw that for us he is everything that is good and comforting and helpful. He is our clothing, wrapping and enveloping us for love, embracing us and guiding us in all things, hanging about us in tender love, so that he can never leave us. And so in this vision, as I understand it, I saw truly that he is everything that is good for us.
And in this vision he showed me a little thing, the size of a hazel-nut, lying in the palm of my hand, and to my mind’s eye it was as round as any ball. I looked at it and thought, ‘What can this be?’ And the answer came to me, ‘It is all that is made.’ I wondered how it could last, for it was so small I thought it might suddenly disappear. And the answer in my mind was, ‘It lasts and will last for ever because God loves it; and in the same way everything exists through the love of God.’ In this little thing I saw three attributes: the first is that God made it, the second is that he loves it, the third is that God cares for it. But what does that mean to me? Truly, the maker, the lover, the carer; for until I become one substance with him, I can never have love, rest or true bliss; that is to say, until I am so bound to him that there may be no created thing between my God and me. And who shall do this deed? Truly, himself, by his mercy and his grace, for he has made me and blessedly restored me to that end.
Then God brought our Lady into my mind. I saw her spiritually in bodily likeness, a meek and simple maid, young of age, in the same bodily form as when she conceived. God also showed me part of the wisdom and truth of her soul so that I understood with what reverence she beheld her God who is her maker, and how reverently she marvelled that he chose to be born of her, a simple creature of his own making. For what made her marvel was that he who was her Maker chose to be born of the creature he had made. And the wisdom of her faithfulness, and knowledge of the greatness of her Maker and the littleness of her who was made, moved her to say very humbly to the angel Gabriel, ‘Behold, the handmaid of the Lord.’ With this sight I really understood that she is greater in worthiness and fullness of grace than all that God made below her; for nothing that is made is above her except the blessed Manhood of Christ. This little thing that is made that is below our Lady Saint Mary, God showed it to me as small as if it had been a hazel-nut. It was so small I thought it might have disappeared.
In this blessed revelation God showed me three nothings. Of these nothings this was the first I was shown, and all men and women who wish to lead the contemplative life need to have knowledge of it: they should choose to set at nothing everything that is made so as to have the love of God who is unmade. This is why those who choose to occupy themselves with earthly business and are always pursuing worldly success have nothing here of God in their hearts and souls: because they love and seek their rest in this little thing where there is no rest, and know nothing of God, who is almighty, all wise and all good, for he is true rest. God wishes to be known, and is pleased that we should rest in him; for all that is below him does nothing to satisfy us. And this is why, until all that is made seems as nothing, no soul can be at rest. When a soul sets all at nothing for love, to have him who is everything that is good, then it is able to receive spiritual rest.
5
And during the time that our Lord was showing in spiritual sight what I have just described, the bodily sight of the plentiful bleeding from Christ’s head remained, and as long as I could see this sight I kept saying, ‘Benedicite dominus!’ In this first showing from our Lord I saw six things in my understanding: the first is the signs of Christ’s blessed Passion and the plentiful shedding of his precious blood; the second is the Maiden who is his beloved mother; the third is the blessed Godhead that ever was, is and ever shall be, almighty, all wisdom and all love. The fourth is all that he has made; it is vast and wide, fair and good, but it looked so small to me because I saw it in the presence of him that is Maker of all things; to a soul that sees the Maker of all, all that is made seems very small. The fifth thing I understood is that he made everything that is made for love; and the same love sustains everything, and shall do so for ever, as has been said before. The sixth is that God is everything that is good, and the goodness that is in everything is God. And all these our Lord showed me in the first vision, and gave me time and space to contemplate it. And when the bodily vision stopped, the spiritual vision remained in my understanding. And I waited with reverent fear, rejoicing in what I saw, and longing, as far as I dared, to see more if it was his will, or else to see the same vision for longer.
6
All that I saw concerning myself, I mean to be applied to all my fellow Christians, for I am taught by our Lord’s spiritual showing that this is what he means. And therefore I beg you all for God’s sake and advise you all for your own advantage that you stop paying attention to the poor, worldly, sinful creature to whom this vision was shown, and eagerly, attentively, lovingly and humbly contemplate God, who in his gracious love and in his eternal goodness wanted the vision to be generally known to comfort us all. And you who hear and see this vision and this teaching, which come from Jesus Christ to edify your souls, it is God’s will and my desire that you should receive it with joy and pleasure as great as if Jesus had shown it to you as he did to me.
I am not good because of the showing, unless I love God better, and so may and should everyone that sees it and hears it with good will and true intention; and so my desire is that it should bring everyone the same advantage that I desired for myself, and this is how God moved me the first time I saw it. For it is universal and addressed to all because we are all one, and I am sure I saw it for the advantage of many others. Indeed it was not shown to me because God loved me better than the lowest soul that is in a state of grace, for I am sure that there are very many who never had a showing or vision, but only the normal teaching of Holy Church, and who love God better than I do. For if I look solely at myself, I am really nothing; but as one of mankind in general, I am in oneness of love with all my fellow Christians; for upon this oneness of love depends the life of all who shall be saved; for God is all that is good, and God has made all that is made, and God loves all that he has made.
And if any man or woman ceases to love any of his fellow Christians, then he loves none, for he does not love all; and so at that moment he is not saved, for he is not at peace; and he who loves all his fellow Christians loves all that is; for in those who shall be saved, all is included: that is all that is made and the Maker of all; for in man is God, and so in man is all. And he who loves all his fellow Christians in this way, he loves all; and he who loves in this way is saved. And thus I wish to love, and thus I love, and thus I am saved. (I am speaking in the person of my fellow Christians.) And the more I love with this kind of love while I am here, the more like I am to the bliss that I shall have in heaven without end, which is God, who in his endless love was willing to become our brother and suffer for us. And I am sure that whoever looks at it in this way will be truly taught and greatly comforted if he needs comfort.
But God forbid that you should say or assume that I am a teacher, for that is not what I mean, nor did I ever mean it; for I am a woman, ignorant, weak and frail. But I know well that I have received what I say from him who is the supreme teacher. But in truth, I am moved to tell you about it by love, for I wish God to be known and my fellow Christians helped, as I wish to be helped myself, so that sin shall be more hated and God more loved. Just because I am a woman, must I therefore believe that I must not tell you about the goodness of God, when I saw at the same time both his goodness and his wish that it should be known? And you will see that clearly in the chapters which follow, if they are well and truly understood. Then you must quickly forget me, a paltry creature, you must not let me hinder you, but look directly at Jesus, who is teacher of all. I speak of those who will be saved, for at this time God showed me no others. But in all things I believe what Holy Church teaches, for in all things I saw this blessed showing of our Lord as one who is in the presence of God, and I never perceived anything in it that bewilders me or keeps me from the true teaching of Holy Church.
7
All this blessed teaching of our Lord God was shown me in three parts: that is, by bodily sight, and by words formed in my understanding, and by spiritual sight. But I neither can nor may show you the spiritual vision as openly or as fully as I would like to. But I trust that our Lord God almighty will, out of his own goodness and love for you, make you receive it more spiritually and more sweetly than I can or may tell you; and so may it be, for we are all one in love. And in all this I was much moved with love for my fellow Christians, wishing that they might see and know what I was seeing; I wanted it to comfort them all as it did me, for the vision was shown for everyone and not for any one particular person. And what comforted me most in the vision was that our Lord is so familiar and courteous. And this was what gave me most happiness and the strongest sense of spiritual safety. Then I said to the people who were with me, ‘For me, today is the Day of Judgement.’ And I said this because I thought I was dying; for on the day that someone dies, he receives his eternal judgement. I said this because I wanted them to love God better and set a lower value on the vanity of the world, to remind them that life is short, as they might see by my example; for all this time I thought I was dying.
8
And after this I saw with my bodily sight in the face of Christ on the crucifix which hung before me, which I was looking at continuously, a part of his Passion: contempt and spitting, which soiled his body, and blows on his blessed face, and many lingering pains, more than I can tell, and frequent changes of colour, and all his blessed face covered at one time in dry blood. I saw this bodily in distress and darkness, and I wished for better bodily light to see it more clearly. And I was answered in my reason that if God wanted to show me more he would, but I needed no light but him.
And after this I saw God in an instant, that is in my understanding, and in seeing this I saw that he is in everything. I looked attentively, knowing and recognizing in this vision that he does all that is done. I marvelled at this sight with quiet awe, and I thought, ‘What is sin?’ For I saw truly that God does everything, no matter how small. And nothing happens by accident or luck, but by the eternal providence of God’s wisdom. Therefore I was obliged to accept that everything which is done is well done, and I was sure that God never sins. Therefore it seemed to me that sin is nothing, for in all this vision no sin appeared. So I marvelled no longer about this but looked at our Lord to see what he would show me; and at another time God showed me what sin is, in its naked essence, as I shall recount later.
And after this I saw, as I watched, the body of Christ bleeding abundantly, hot and freshly and vividly, just as I saw the head before. And I saw the blood coming from weals from the scourging, and in my vision it ran so abundantly that it seemed to me that if at that moment it had been natural blood, the whole bed would have been blood-soaked and even the floor around. God has provided us on earth with abundant water for our use and bodily refreshment, because of the tender love he has for us, yet it pleases him better that we should freely take his holy blood to wash away our sins; for there is no liquid created which he likes to give us so much, for it is so plentiful and it shares our nature.
And after this, before God revealed any words, he allowed me to contemplate longer all that I had seen, and all that was in it. And then, without any voice or opening of lips, there were formed in my soul these words: ‘By this is the Fiend overcome.’ Our Lord said these words meaning overcome by his Passion, as he had shown me earlier. At this point our Lord brought into my mind and showed me some part of the Fiend’s wickedness and the whole of his weakness, and to do so he revealed how with his Passion he defeats the Devil. God showed me that he is still as wicked as he was before the Incarnation and works as hard, but he continually sees that all chosen souls escape him gloriously, and that grieves him; for everything that God allows him to do turns into joy for us and into pain and shame for him; and that is because he may never do as much evil as he would wish, for God holds fast all the Devil’s power in his own hand. I also saw our Lord scorn his wickedness and set him at nought, and he wants us to do the same.
At this revelation I laughed heartily and that made those who were around me laugh too, and their laughter pleased me. I wished that my fellow Christians had seen what I saw, and then they would all have laughed with me. But I did not see Christ laughing. Nevertheless, it pleases him that we should laugh to cheer ourselves, and rejoice in God because the Fiend has been conquered. And after this I became serious, and said, ‘I can see three things: delight, scorn and seriousness. I see delight that the Fiend is defeated; I see scorn because God scorns him and he is to be scorned; and I see seriousness because he is defeated by the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ and by his death, which took place in all seriousness and with weary hardship.’
After this our Lord said, ‘I thank you for your service and your suffering, especially in your youth.’
9
God showed me three degrees of bliss which every soul who has willingly served God shall have in heaven, whatever his degree on earth. The first is the glorious gratitude of our Lord God, which he will receive when he is freed from his sufferings; the gratitude is so exalted and so glorious that it would seem to fill the soul, even if there were no greater bliss; for I thought that all the pain and trouble that could be suffered by all living men could not have deserved the gratitude which one man shall have who has willingly served God. The second degree is that all the blessed beings who are in heaven will see that glorious gratitude of our Lord God, and all heaven will know about his service. And the third degree is that this pleasure will for ever seem as new and delightful as it did when it was first felt. I saw that this was said and revealed to me sweetly and in kind terms: every man’s age shall be known in heaven, and he will be rewarded for his willing service and for the time he has served; and more especially the age of those who willingly and freely offered their youth to God is surpassingly rewarded and they are wonderfully thanked.
And our Lord’s next showing was a supreme spiritual pleasure in my soul. In this pleasure I was filled with eternal certainty, strongly anchored and without any fear. This feeling was so joyful to me and so full of goodness that I felt completely peaceful, easy and at rest, as though there were nothing on earth that could hurt me. This only lasted for a while, and then my feeling was reversed and I was left oppressed, weary of myself, and so disgusted with my life that I could hardly bear to live. There was no ease or comfort for my feelings but faith, hope and love, and these I had in reality, but I could not feel them in my heart. And immediately after this God again gave me the spiritual rest and comfort, certainty and pleasure so joyful and so powerful that no fear, no sorrow, no bodily or spiritual pain that one might suffer could have distressed me. And then the sorrow was revealed to my consciousness again, and first one, then the other, several times, I suppose about twenty times. And in the moments of joy I might have said with Paul, ‘Nothing shall separate me from the love of Christ.’ And in the moments of sorrow I might have said with Saint Peter, ‘Lord save me, I perish.’
This vision was shown to me, as I understand, to teach me that it is necessary for everybody to have such experiences, sometimes to be strengthened, sometimes to falter and be left by himself. God wishes us to know that he safely protects us in both joy and sorrow equally, and he loves us as much in sorrow as in joy. And to benefit his soul, a man is sometimes left to himself, though not because of sin; for at this time I did not deserve by sinning to be left alone, neither did I deserve the feeling of bliss. But God gives joy generously when he so wishes, and sometimes allows us sorrow; and both come from love. So it is God’s will that we should hold on to gladness with all our might, for bliss lasts eternally, and pain passes and shall vanish completely. Therefore it is not God’s will that we should be guided by feelings of pain, grieving and mourning over them, but should quickly pass beyond them and remain in eternal joy, which is God almighty, who loves and protects us.
10
After this Christ showed me the part of his Passion when he was near death. I saw that dear face as if it were dry and bloodless with the pallor of death; and then it went more deathly, ashen and exhausted, and still nearer to death it went blue, then darker blue, as the flesh mortified more completely; all the pains that Christ suffered in his body appeared to me in the blessed face as far as I could see it, and especially in his lips; there I saw these four colours, though before they appeared to me fresh and red-tinted, vivid and lovely. It was a sorrowful change to see this extreme mortification; and, as it appeared to me, the nose shrivelled and dried. This long agony made it seem to me that he had been dead for a full week, always suffering pain. And I thought that the drying of Christ’s flesh was the greatest agony, and the last, of his Passion. And in this dryness the words that Christ spoke were brought to my mind: ‘I thirst’; and I saw in Christ a double thirst, one bodily, the other spiritual. In these words was revealed to me the bodily thirst, and the spiritual thirst was revealed to me as I shall say later. And I understood that the bodily thirst was caused by the body’s loss of moisture, for the blessed flesh and bones were left altogether without blood and moisture. The blessed body was drying for a long time, becoming distorted because of the nails and the heaviness of the head and its own weight, with the blowing of the wind from without that dried him more and tormented him with cold more than I can imagine, and all other torments. I saw such pains that everything I could say would be quite inadequate, for they were indescribable. But every soul, as Saint Paul says, should feel in himself what was in Jesus Christ. This showing of Christ’s pain filled me with pain, though I knew well he only suffered once, yet he wanted to show it to me and fill me with awareness of it as I had wished previously.
My mother, who was standing with others watching me, lifted her hand up to my face to close my eyes, for she thought I was already dead or else I had that moment died; and this greatly increased my sorrow, for in spite of all my suffering, I did not want to be stopped from seeing him, because of my love for him. And yet, in all this time of Christ’s presence, the only pain I felt was the pain of Christ. Then I thought to myself, ‘I little knew what pain it was that I asked for’; for I thought that my pain was worse than bodily death. I thought, ‘Is any pain in hell like this pain?’, and I was answered in my mind that despair is greater, for that is spiritual pain, but no bodily pain is greater than this. How could any pain be greater to me than to see him who is my whole life, all my bliss and all my joy, suffering? Here I truly felt that I loved Christ so much more than myself that I thought bodily death would have been a great relief to me.
Here I saw part of the compassion of our Lady Saint Mary, for Christ and she were so united in love that the greatness of her love caused the intensity of her pain; for just as her love for him surpassed that of anyone else, so did her suffering for him; and so all his disciples, and all those who truly loved him, suffered greater pain than they would for their own bodily death; for I am certain, from my own feelings, that the humblest of them loved him much better than themselves.
Here I saw a great union between Christ and us; for when he was in pain, we were in pain. And all creatures who were capable of suffering, suffered with him. And as for those who did not know him, their suffering was that all creation, sun and moon, withdrew their service, and so they were all left in sorrow during that time. And thus those that loved him suffered for love, and those that did not love him suffered from a failure of comfort from the whole of creation.
At this point I wanted to look away from the cross, but I dared not, for I well knew that while I contemplated the cross I was safe and sound; therefore I was unwilling to imperil my soul, for beside the cross there was no safety, but the ugliness of fiends. Then a suggestion came from my reason, as though a friendly voice had spoken, ‘Look up to his Father in heaven.’ Then I saw clearly with the faith that I felt, that there was nothing between the cross and heaven which could have distressed me, and either I must look up or I must answer. I answered and said, ‘No, I cannot, for you are my heaven.’ I said this because I did not wish to look up, for I would rather have suffered until Judgement Day than have come to heaven otherwise than by him; for I well knew that he who redeemed me so dearly would unbind me when he wished.
11
Thus I chose Jesus as my heaven, though at that time I saw him only in pain. I was satisfied by no heaven but Jesus, who will be my bliss when I am there. And it has always been a comfort to me that I chose Jesus for my heaven in all this time of suffering and sorrow. And that has been a lesson to me, that I should do so for evermore, choosing him alone for my heaven in good and bad times. And thus I saw my Lord Jesus Christ lingering for a long time; for union with the Godhead gave his Manhood the strength to suffer for love more than anyone could. I do not mean only more pain than any man could suffer, but also that he suffered more pain than all men who ever existed from the very beginning until the very last day. No tongue may tell, nor heart fully imagine, the pains that our Saviour suffered for us, considering the majesty of the highest, most worshipful King and the shameful, insulting and painful death; for he who was highest and most majestic was brought lowest and most truly despised. But the love that made him suffer all this is as much greater than his pain as heaven is above the earth; for the Passion was a deed performed at one particular time through the action of love, but the love has always existed, exists now and will never end. And suddenly I saw, while looking at the same cross, his expression changed into one of bliss. The changing of his expression changed mine, and I was as glad and happy as it was possible to be. Then our Lord made me think happily, ‘What is the point of your pain or your sorrow?’ And I was very happy.
12
Then our Lord spoke, asking, ‘Are you well pleased that I suffered for you?’ ‘Yes, my good Lord,’ I said. ‘Thank you, my good Lord, blessed may you be!’ ‘If you are pleased,’ said our Lord, ‘I am pleased. It is a joy and a delight and an endless happiness to me that I ever endured suffering for you, for if I could suffer more, I would suffer.’ As I became conscious of these words my understanding was lifted up into heaven, and there I saw three heavens, a sight which caused me great amazement, and I thought, ‘I saw three heavens, and all of them of the blessed Manhood of Christ; and none is greater, none is lesser, none is higher, none is lower, but they are all equally full of supreme joy.’
For the first heaven Christ showed me his Father, in no bodily likeness, but in his nature and his action. This is how the Father acts: he rewards his son, Jesus Christ. This gift and this reward give Jesus such great joy that his Father could have given no reward that pleased him better. The first heaven, that is the pleasing of the Father, appeared to me like a heaven, and it was full of great joy, for he is greatly pleased with all the deeds he has done to promote our salvation; because of these we do not just belong to Jesus by redemption, but also by his Father’s generous gift. We are his joy, we are his reward, we are his glory, we are his crown. What I am describing causes Jesus such great pleasure that he thinks nothing of all his hardship and his bitter suffering and his cruel and shameful death. And in these words, ‘If I could suffer more, I would suffer more’, I saw truly that if he might die once for each man who shall be saved as he died once for all, love would never let him rest until he had done it. And when he had done it, he would still think nothing of it out of love; for everything seems a trifle to him in comparison with his love. And he showed me this very seriously, saying these words, ‘If I could suffer more’. He did not say, ‘If it were necessary to suffer more’, but ‘If I could suffer more’; for if he could suffer more, he would, even if it were not necessary. This deed and this action for our salvation was ordered as well as he could order it, it was done as gloriously as Christ could do it. And here I saw complete joy in Christ, but this joy would not have been as complete if it could have been done any better than it was done.
And in these three sayings, ‘It is a joy, a delight and an endless happiness to me’, three heavens were shown to me, as follows: by the joy I understood the pleasure of the Father; by the delight, the glory of the Son; and by the endless happiness, the Holy Ghost. The Father is pleased, the Son is glorified, the Holy Ghost rejoices. Jesus wishes us to consider the delight which the Holy Trinity feels in our salvation, and wishes us to delight as much, through his grace, while we are on earth. And this was shown in these words, ‘Are you well pleased?’ In the other words that Christ spoke, ‘If you are pleased, I am pleased’, he revealed the meaning, as if he had said, ‘It is joy and delight enough to me, and I ask nothing more of you for my hardship but that I give you pleasure.’ This was shown to me abundantly and fully. Think hard too about the deep significance of the words ‘That I ever endured suffering for you’, for in those words was a great sign of love and of the pleasure that he took in our salvation.
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Very happily and gladly our Lord looked into his side, and gazed, and said these words, ‘Look how much I loved you’; as if he had said, ‘My child, if you cannot look at my Godhead, see here how I let my side be opened, and my heart be riven in two, and all the blood and water that was within flow out. And this makes me happy, and I want it to make you happy.’ Our Lord revealed this to make us glad and joyful.
And with the same mirth and joy he looked down to his right and brought to my mind the place where our Lady was standing during the time of his Passion; and he said, ‘Would you like to see her?’ And I answered and said, ‘Yes, my good Lord, thank you, if it is your will.’ I prayed for this repeatedly and I thought I would see her in bodily likeness, but I did not do so. And with these words Jesus showed me a spiritual vision of her; just as I had seen her low and humble before, he now showed her to me high, noble and glorious, and more pleasing to him than any other creature. And so he wants it to be known that all those who rejoice in him should rejoice in her and in the joy that he has in her and she in him. And in these words that Jesus said, ‘Would you like to see her?’, it seemed to me I had the greatest pleasure that he could have given me, with the spiritual vision of her; for our Lord gave me no special revelation except of our Lady Saint Mary, and he showed her to me three times: the first when she conceived, the second as if she were in her sorrow under the cross and the third as she is now, in delight, honour and joy.
And after this our Lord showed himself to me in even greater glory, it seemed to me, than when I saw him before, and from this revelation I learned that each contemplative soul to whom it is given to look for God and seek him, shall see her and pass on to God through contemplation. And after this friendly and courteous teaching of true and blessed life, our Lord Jesus said to me repeatedly, ‘It is I who am highest; it is I you love; it is I who delight you; it is I you serve; it is I you long for; it is I you desire; it is I who am your purpose; it is I who am everything; it is I that Holy Church preaches and teaches you; it is I who showed myself to you before.’ I only make these utterances known so that, according to the powers of understanding and loving which are given by the grace of God, everyone may receive them as our Lord intended.
Afterwards, our Lord reminded me of the longing I had had for him; and I saw that nothing kept me from him but sin, and I saw that this is so with all of us. And I thought that if sin had never existed, we should all have been pure and like himself, as God made us; and so I had often wondered before now in my folly why, in his great foreseeing wisdom, God had not prevented sin; for then, I thought, all would have been well. I ought certainly to have abandoned these thoughts, and I grieved and sorrowed over the question in great pride, with no reason or judgement. Nevertheless, Jesus, in this vision, informed me of all that I needed to know. I am not saying that I do not need any more teaching, for our Lord, in this revelation, has left me to Holy Church; and I am hungry and thirsty and needy and sinful and frail, and willingly submit myself to the teaching of Holy Church, with all my fellow Christians, until the end of my life.
He answered with this assurance: ‘Sin is befitting.’ With this word ‘sin’ our Lord brought to my mind the whole extent of all that is not good: the shameful scorn and the utter humiliation that he bore for us in this life and in his dying, and all the pains and sufferings of all his creatures, both in body and spirit – for we are all to some extent brought to nothing and should be brought to nothing as our master Jesus was, until we are fully purged: that is to say until our own mortal flesh is brought completely to nothing, and all those of our inward feelings which are not good. He gave me insight into these things, along with all pains that ever were and ever shall be; all this was shown in a flash, and quickly changed into comfort; for our good Lord did not want the soul to be afraid of this ugly sight.
But I did not see sin; for I believe it has no sort of substance nor portion of being, nor could it be recognized were it not for the suffering which it causes. And this suffering seems to me to be something transient, for it purges us and makes us know ourselves and pray for mercy; for the Passion of our Lord supports us against all this, and that is his blessed will for all who shall be saved. He supports us willingly and sweetly, by his words, and says, ‘But all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.’ These words were shown very tenderly, with no suggestion that I or anyone who will be saved was being blamed. It would therefore be very strange to blame or wonder at God because of my sins, since he does not blame me for sinning.
Thus I saw how Christ feels compassion for us because of sin. And just as I was earlier filled with suffering and compassion at the Passion of Christ, so was I now also partly filled with compassion for all my fellow Christians; and then I saw that whenever a man feels kind compassion with love for his fellow Christian, it is Christ within him.
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But you must apply yourself to this: contemplating these things in general, sad and grieving, in my mind I said to our Lord with great reverence, ‘Ah, my good Lord, how could all be well, given the great harm that has been done to humankind by sin?’ And here I prayed, as much as I dared, for some clearer explanation to ease my mind over this. And our blessed Lord answered most compassionately and in a very friendly way, and showed me that Adam’s sin was the greatest harm that ever was done, or ever shall be, until the end of the world; and he also showed me that this is publicly acknowledged through all Holy Church on earth. Furthermore he taught me that I should consider the glorious atonement; for this atonement is incomparably more pleasing to God and more glorious in saving mankind than Adam’s sin was ever harmful.
So what our blessed Lord’s teaching means is that we should take heed of the following: ‘Since I have turned the greatest possible harm into good, it is my will that you should know from this that I shall turn all lesser evil into good.’
He made me understand two aspects of this. One of them is our Saviour and our salvation; this aspect is blessed and is clear and bright, light and beautiful and abundant, for all men who are or shall be of good will are included in it; we are bidden to it by God, and drawn to it, admonished and taught inwardly by the Holy Ghost and outwardly by Holy Church by the same grace; our Lord wishes our minds to be filled with this, rejoicing in him because he rejoices in us; and the more abundantly we are filled with this, reverently and humbly, the more we deserve his thanks and the more we benefit ourselves, and thus we may say, rejoicing, our Lord is our portion.
The second aspect is closed to us and hidden (that is to say, everything which is not necessary for our salvation); for it is our Lord’s privy counsel and it is proper to the royal lordship of God that his privy counsel should be undisturbed, and it is proper for his servants, out of obedience and reverence, not to know his counsel too well. Our Lord feels pity and compassion for us because some people are so anxious to know about it; and I am sure that if we knew how much we would please him and set our own minds at rest by leaving the matter alone, then we would do so. The saints in heaven do not want to know anything except what our Lord wants to reveal to them, and their love and their desires are directed by our Lord’s will. We should desire to be like them: then, like the saints, we should wish and desire nothing that is not the will of our Lord; for God’s purpose for us all is the same.
And here I was taught that we must rejoice only in our blessed Saviour Jesu and trust in him for everything.
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And thus our good Lord answered all the questions and doubts I could put forward, saying most comfortingly as follows: ‘I will make all things well, I shall make all things well, I may make all things well and I can make all things well; and you shall see for yourself that all things shall be well.’ I take ‘I may’ for the words of the Father, I take ‘I can’ for the words of the Son and I take ‘I will’ for the words of the Holy Ghost; and where he says ‘I shall’, I take it for the unity of the Holy Trinity, three persons in one truth; and where he says, ‘You shall see for yourself’, I understand it as referring to the union with the Holy Trinity of all mankind who shall be saved. And with these five sayings God wishes to be surrounded by rest and peace; and thus Christ’s spiritual thirst comes to an end; for this is the spiritual thirst, the love-longing that lasts and ever shall do until we see that revelation on Judgement Day.
For we that shall be saved, and shall be Christ’s joy and his bliss, are still here on earth, and shall be until that last day. Therefore this is the thirst, the incompleteness of his bliss, that he does not have us in himself as wholly as he will have then. All this was shown me as a revelation of compassion, and his thirst will cease on Judgement Day. Thus he has pity and compassion for us, and he has longing to have us, but his wisdom and love do not permit the end to come until the best time.
And thus I understand the five sayings mentioned above – ‘I may make all things well’, etc. – as a powerful and comforting pledge for all the works of our Lord which are to come; for just as the Holy Trinity made all things from nothing, so the Holy Trinity shall make all well that is not well. It is God’s will that we should pay attention to all the deeds he has done, for he wants us to know from them all he will do; and he showed me that when he said, ‘And you shall see yourself that all manner of things shall be well.’ I understand this in two ways: first, I am well pleased that I do not know it; second, I am glad and happy because I shall know it. It is God’s wish that we should know in general terms that all shall be well; but it is not God’s wish that we should understand it now, except as much as is suitable for us at the present time, and that is the teaching of Holy Church.
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God showed me the very great pleasure he takes in men and women who strongly and humbly and eagerly receive the preaching and teaching of Holy Church; for he is Holy Church; he is the foundation, he is the substance, he is the teaching, he is the teacher, he is the goal, he is the prize which every true soul works hard to win; and he is known and shall be known to every soul to whom the Holy Ghost reveals it. And I am sure that all those who are seeking this will succeed, for they are seeking God. All that I have now said, and more that I shall say afterwards, gives strength against sin; for first, when I saw that God does all which is done, I did not see sin, and then I saw that all is well. But when God gave me a revelation about sin, then he said, ‘All shall be well.’
And when almighty God had shown his great goodness so fully and abundantly, I requested to know how it would be with a certain person whom I loved. And in this request I stood in my own way, for I was not answered immediately. And then I was answered in my reason as though by a friendly man, ‘Take these showings generally, and consider the kindness of your Lord God as he gives them to you; for it honours God more to consider him in all things than in any particular thing.’ I assented, and with this I learned that it honours God more to have knowledge of everything in general than to take pleasure in any one thing in particular. And if I were to follow this teaching faithfully I should not rejoice over any one special thing, nor be distressed over anything of any kind, for ‘All shall be well.’
God reminded me that I would sin; and because of my pleasure in contemplating him, I was slow to pay attention to that showing. And our Lord very courteously waited till I paid attention; and then our Lord, along with my own sins, reminded me of the sins of all my fellow Christians, in general and not in particular.
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Although our Lord showed me that I would sin, by me alone I understood everyone. At this I began to feel a quiet fear, and to this our Lord answered me as follows: ‘I am keeping you very safe.’ This promise was made to me with more love and assurance and spiritual sustenance than I can possibly say, for just as it was previously shown that I would sin, the help was also shown to me: safety and protection for all my fellow Christians. What could make me love my fellow Christians more than to see in God that he loves all who shall be saved as though they were one soul? For just as there is an animal will in our lower nature which can have no good impulses, there is a godly will in our higher nature which, no less than the persons of the Holy Trinity, can will no evil, but only good. And this is what our Lord showed in the completeness of love in which he holds us: yes, that he loves us as much now while we are here as he will do when we are there in his blessed presence.
God also showed me that sin is not shameful to man, but his glory; for in this revelation my understanding was lifted up into heaven; and then there came truly into my mind David, Peter and Paul, Thomas of India and the Magdalene – how they are famous in the Church on earth with their sins as their glory. And it is no shame to them that they have sinned, any more than it is in the bliss of heaven, for there the badge of their sin is changed into glory. In this way our Lord God showed them to me as an example of all others who shall come there.
Sin is the sharpest scourge that any chosen soul can be struck with; it is a scourge which lashes men and women so hard, and batters them and destroys them so completely in their own eyes, that they think they only deserve to sink down into hell. But when the touch of the Holy Ghost brings contrition, it turns the bitterness into hope of God’s mercy; and then their wounds begin to heal and the soul begins to revive into the life of Holy Church. The Holy Ghost leads a man on to confession, and he earnestly shows his sins, nakedly and truly, with great sorrow and great shame that he has so befouled the fair image of God. Then, in accordance with the basic teaching which the Church has received from the Holy Ghost, his confessor imposes a penance on him for each sin. By this medicine every sinful soul needs to be healed, especially of sins that are in themselves mortal. Although a man has the scars of healed wounds, when he appears before God they do not deface but ennoble him. And as on the one hand sin is punished here with sorrow and suffering, on the other it shall be rewarded in heaven by the generous love of our Lord God almighty, who does not want the toils and troubles of any who come there to be wasted. The reward we are going to receive there will not be a small one, but great, splendid and glorious. And so all shame will be turned into glory and into greater joy. And I am sure, by what I feel myself, that the more every well-natured soul sees this in the kind and generous love of God, the more loath he is to sin.
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But if you are moved to say or think, ‘Since this is true, then it would be a good idea to sin in order to have the greater reward’, beware of this impulse, for it comes from the Enemy, for any soul that chooses to follow this impulse can never be saved until he has been healed of this as if it were a mortal sin. For if there were laid out before me all the sufferings of hell and of purgatory and of earth – death and everything else – and sin, I would choose all those sufferings rather than sin, for sin is so vile and so very hateful that it cannot be compared to any suffering other than the suffering of sin itself. For all things are good but sin, and nothing is wicked but sin. Sin is neither a deed nor a pleasure, but when a soul deliberately chooses to sin (which is punishment in God’s eyes), in the end he has nothing at all. That punishment seems to me the hardest hell, for he does not have his God. A soul can have God in all sufferings except sin.
And God is as eager to save man as he is strong and wise; for Christ himself is the foundation of the whole law of Christian men, and he taught us to return good for evil. Here we can see that he himself is love, and he treats us as he wishes us to treat others, for he wants us to be like him in completeness of unending love for ourselves and our fellow Christians. Just as his love for us does not fail because of our sin, he does not want our love for ourselves and our fellow Christians to fail; we must feel naked hatred for sin and unending love for the soul, as God loves it. This assertion of God’s is an endless help and comfort, which keeps us very safe.
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After this our Lord gave a revelation about prayer. I saw two qualities in those who pray, like those I have felt in myself. One is that they do not wish to pray for anything that may be, but only for things which are God’s will and his glory. The second thing is that they set themselves strongly and continually to pray for things which are his will and his glory. And that is what I have understood from the teaching of Holy Church. And in this our Lord gave me the same teaching, to have as God’s gift faith, hope and love, and hold to them until our lives’ end. And so we say ‘Pater noster’, ‘Ave’ and the Creed, with devotion, as God may grant. And so we pray for all our fellow Christians, and for all manner of men, according to God’s will, for we wish that all manner of men and women were in the same state of virtue and grace that we ought to desire for ourselves. But yet, for all this, often we do not trust God almighty fully for it seems to us that, because of our unworthiness, and because we are feeling absolutely nothing, we cannot be certain that he is hearing our prayers. For often we are as barren and as dry after our prayers as we were before, and so we feel our folly is the cause of our weakness; I have felt like this myself.
And our Lord brought all this suddenly into my mind, strongly and vividly, and, as a comfort to me against this kind of weakness in prayers, he said, ‘I am the foundation of your prayers: first it is my will that you should have something, and then I make you desire it, and then I make you pray for it; and if you pray, then how could it be that you should not have what you pray for?’ And thus in his first statement, along with the three which follow, our good Lord shows us something immensely helpful. Where he begins by saying, ‘If you pray for it’, there he reveals the very great joy and unending reward that our prayer will receive from him. And where he says next, ‘Then how could it be that you should not have what you pray for?’, there he gives a serious rebuke, because we do not trust as strongly as we should.
Thus our Lord wants us both to pray and to trust, for the purpose of the preceding statements is to strengthen us against weakness in our prayers. For it is God’s will that we should pray, and he moves us to do so in these preceding words. He wants us to pray with sure trust, for prayer pleases him. Prayer gives man pleasure in himself, and makes him calm and humble, where before he was contentious and troubled. Prayer unites the soul to God; for though the soul is always like God in nature and substance, yet because of sin on man’s part, it is often in a state which is unlike God. Prayer makes the soul like God; when the soul wills what God wills, it is then in a state like God, as it is like God in nature. And so God teaches us to pray, and to trust firmly that we shall obtain what we pray for, though everything which is done would be done, even if we never prayed for it. But the love of God is so great that he considers us sharers in his good deed, and therefore he moves us to pray for what it pleases him to do; and for these prayers and for the good will which he grants us, he will reward us and give us an everlasting recompense. And this was shown in these words, ‘If you pray for it’. In this statement God revealed to me such great pleasure and so much delight that it seemed as if he was deeply grateful to us for every good deed that we do – and yet it is he who does them – and because we entreat him earnestly to do everything that pleases him; as if he said, ‘Then what could please me more than to be entreated earnestly, truly and eagerly to do what I wish to do?’ And thus prayer makes accord between God and man’s soul, though while man’s soul is near to God, there is no need for him to pray, but reverently to contemplate what he says. For during all the time of my showing, I was not moved to pray, but always to have this good in mind for my comfort, that when we see God, we have what we desire, and then we do not need to pray. But when we do not see God, then we need to pray because we lack something, and to make ourselves open to Jesus; for when a soul is tempted, troubled and isolated by distress, then it is time to pray and to make oneself pliable and submissive to God. Unless we are submissive, no kind of prayer can make God bend to us, though his love is always alike; but while man is in a state of sin, he is so enfeebled, so unwise and so unloving, that he can love neither God nor himself.
His worst trouble is blindness, for he cannot see all this. Then the whole love of God almighty, which is ever one, gives him eyes to see himself, and then he supposes that God is angry with him for his sin. And then he is moved to contrition, and by confession and other good deeds to allay God’s anger, until he finds rest of soul and ease of conscience. And then it seems to him that God has forgiven his sins, and it is true. And then it seems to the soul that God turns towards it, as though it had been in pain or in prison, saying this: ‘I am glad you have come to rest, for I have always loved you, and love you now, and you love me.’ And thus with prayers, as I have said before, and with other good works that are customarily taught by Holy Church, is the soul united to God.
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Before this time I often had a great longing, and desired that as a gift from God I should be delivered from this world and this life, so as to be with my God in bliss where, through his mercy, I hope to be surely for ever. For I often saw the grief which is here and the well-being and bliss which is existence there. And even if there had been no sorrow in this life except for the absence of our Lord, I sometimes thought it more than I could bear, and this made me grieve and earnestly yearn. Then God said to me, to bring me comfort and patience, ‘You shall suddenly be taken from all your suffering, from all your pain and from all your woe. And you shall come up above, and you shall have me as your reward, and you shall be filled with joy and with bliss. And you shall have no kind of suffering, no kind of sickness, no kind of displeasure, no unfulfilled desires, but always joy and bliss without end. Why should you fret about suffering for a while, since it is my will and my glory?’ And at these words, ‘You shall suddenly be taken’, I saw how God rewards man for the patience he shows in awaiting God’s will in his lifetime, and I saw that man’s patience extends throughout the time he has to live, because he does not know the time of his passing. This is a great advantage, for if a man knew his time, he would not have patience over that time. And God wishes that while the soul is in the body it should seem to itself always about to die, for all this life of distress which we have here is only a moment, and when we are suddenly taken from suffering into bliss, then it will be nothing. And this is why our Lord said, ‘Why should you fret about suffering for a while, since it is my will and my glory?’ It is God’s will that we accept his promises and his comfort in as broad and strong a sense as we can take them. And he also wants us to take our waiting and our distress as lightly as we can and to consider them nothing; for the more lightly we take them, the less importance we give them for love, the less we shall suffer from feeling them and the more thanks we shall have for them.
In this blessed revelation I was truly taught that the people who in this life willingly choose God may be sure that they are chosen. Remember this faithfully, for truly it is God’s will that we should hope as securely for the bliss of heaven while we are here, as we shall enjoy it securely while we are there. And the more pleasure and joy we take in this security, with reverence and humility, the more it pleases him. For I am sure that if there had been none but I that would be saved, God would have done all that he has done for me. And every soul, knowing how God loves him, should think the same, forgetting if he can all other people, and thinking that God has done for him all that he has done. And it seems to me that this should inspire a soul to love and hold him dear, and fear only him, for he wants us to understand that all the strength of our Enemy is held fast in our Friend’s hand. And therefore a soul that knows this truly will fear none but him that he loves, and set all other fears among sufferings and bodily sickness and mental apprehensions.
And therefore if a man is suffering so much pain, so much woe and so much distress, that it seems he can think of nothing but the state he is in and what he is feeling, he should pass over it lightly and set it at nought as soon as he can. And why? Because God wishes to be known. For if we knew him and loved him, we should have patience and be completely at rest, and everything that he does should be pleasing to us. And our Lord revealed this to me in these words: ‘Why should you fret about suffering for a while, since it is my will and my glory?’ And that was the end of all that our Lord revealed to me that day.
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And after this I soon returned to myself and to my bodily sickness, understanding that I would live, and like a wretch I tossed and moaned with the feeling of bodily pain, and I thought it a great weariness that I should live longer; and I was as barren and dry, through the return of my pain and my loss of spiritual feeling, as if I had received little comfort. Then a man belonging to a religious order came to me and asked me how I was. And I said that I had been delirious today, and he laughed loud and heartily. And I said, ‘The cross which stood at the foot of my bed, it was bleeding hard.’ And as soon as I said this, the person to whom I was speaking became very serious and marvelled. And I was immediately very ashamed at my heedlessness, and I thought, ‘This man takes my least word seriously, saying nothing in reply.’ And when I saw that he took it so seriously and so reverently, I became very ashamed, and wanted to be given absolution; but I did not feel I could tell any priest about it, for I thought, ‘How could a priest believe me? I did not believe our Lord God.’ I had truly believed while I was seeing him, and had then wanted and intended to do so for ever, but, like a fool, I let it slip from my mind. What a wretch I was! This was a great sin and very ungrateful, that I, through stupidity, just because I felt a little bodily pain, should so foolishly lose for the time being the comfort of all this blessed showing of our Lord God.
Here you can see what I am of myself; but our kind Lord would not leave me like this. And I lay still till night, trusting in his mercy, and then I went to sleep. And as soon as I fell asleep it seemed the Fiend was at my throat, and he tried to strangle me, but he could not. Then I woke out of my sleep, and I was barely alive. The people who were with me noticed and bathed my temples, and my heart began to take comfort. And immediately a little smoke came in through the door with a great heat and a foul stench. I said, ‘Benedicite dominus! Everything here is on fire!’ And I supposed it was a physical fire and would burn us all to death. I asked those who were with me if they smelled any stench. They said no, they smelled none. I said, ‘Blessed be God!’ for then I knew well it was the Fiend that had come to torment me. And I had recourse at once to all that our Lord had shown me that same day, along with the faith of Holy Church, for I consider both as one, and fled to that as my comfort. And immediately it all vanished completely, and I was brought to a state of great rest and peace without sickness of the body or terrors of the mind.
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And I was still awake, and then our Lord opened my spiritual eyes and showed me my soul in the middle of my heart. I saw my soul as large as if it were a kingdom; and from the properties that I saw in it, it seemed to me to be a glorious city. In the centre of that city sits our Lord Jesu, true God and true man, glorious, highest Lord; and I saw him dressed imposingly in glory. He sits in the soul, in the very centre, in peace and rest, and he rules and protects heaven and earth and all that is. The Manhood and the Godhead sit at rest, and the Godhead rules and protects without any subordinate or any trouble; and my soul was blissfully filled with the Godhead, which is supreme power, supreme wisdom, supreme goodness. In all eternity Jesus will never leave the position which he takes in our soul; for in us is his most familiar home and his favourite dwelling. This was a ravishing and restful sight, for it is truly so everlastingly. And it is very pleasing to God and extremely helpful to us that we should see this while we are here. And the soul which sees it in this way makes itself like the one seen and unites itself to him in rest and peace. And it was a very great joy and bliss to me that I saw him sitting, for the sight of this sitting gave me certainty that he dwells there eternally. And I knew for certain that it was he who had shown me all that went before. And when I had considered this carefully, our Lord gently revealed words to me, without any voice or opening of his lips, as he had done before, and he said very seriously, ‘Know well that what you saw today was no delirium; accept and believe it, and hold to it, and you shall not be overcome.’ These last words were said to me to prove with full assurance that it is our Lord Jesu who showed me everything. For just as in the first phrase which our Lord revealed, referring to his blessed Passion – ‘By this is the Fiend overcome’ – in just the same way he said his last phrase with very great certainty, ‘You shall not be overcome.’
And this teaching and true comfort applies without exception to all my fellow Christians, as I said before, and it is God’s will that it should be so. And these words, ‘You shall not be overcome’, were said very loudly and clearly, for security and comfort against all the tribulations that may come. He did not say, ‘You shall not be tormented, you shall not be troubled, you shall not be grieved’, but he said, ‘You shall not be overcome.’ God wants us to pay attention to his words and wants our certainty always to be strong, in weal and woe; for he loves and is pleased with us, and so he wishes us to love and be pleased with him and put great trust in him; and all shall be well.
And soon after this it was all over and I saw no more.
23
After this the Fiend came again with his heat and his stench and distressed me greatly, the stench was so vile and so agonizing and the physical heat was terrifying and tormenting. And I also heard a human jabbering as if there were two people, and it seemed to me that both of them were jabbering at once, as if they were having a very tense discussion; and it was all quiet muttering, and I could understand nothing they said. But I thought that all this was to drive me to despair. And I trusted firmly in God and comforted my soul by speaking aloud as I would have done to another person who was distressed like this. I thought that this anxiety could not be compared to any other human anxiety. I set my bodily eyes on the same cross in which I had seen comfort before, and my tongue to speaking of Christ’s Passion and reciting the faith of Holy Church, and I fixed my heart on God with all my trust and with all my strength. And I thought to myself, ‘You must now be very careful to hold to the faith; if only from now on you could always be so careful to keep yourself from sin, it would be a beneficial and good way of life’; for I truly thought that if I were safe from sin I would be quite safe from all the fiends of hell and enemies of my soul. And so they kept me occupied all that night and in the morning until it was just after sunrise. And then at once they were all gone and passed away, leaving nothing but a stench; and that persisted for a while. And I thought of them with contempt. And thus I was delivered from them by the power of Christ’s Passion, for that is how the Fiend is overcome, as Christ said to me before.
Ah, wretched sin! What are you? You are nothing. For I saw that God is all things: I saw nothing of you. And when I saw that God has made all things, I saw nothing of you; and when I saw that God is in all things, I saw nothing of you; and when I saw that God does all things that are done, greater and lesser, I saw nothing of you. And when I saw our Lord Jesu sitting so gloriously in our souls, and loving and liking and ruling and guiding all that he has made, I saw nothing of you. And so I am certain that you are nothing; and all those who love you, and like you, and follow you, and choose you at the end, I am certain that they shall be brought to nothing with you, and endlessly overthrown. God protect us all from you. Amen, for the love of God.
And I will say what vileness is, as I have been taught by the revelation of God. Vileness is all things that are not good: the spiritual blindness which we fall into with our first sin, and all that follows from that vileness: passions and pains of spirit or body, and all that is on earth or in any other place which is not good. And this leads to the question: what are we? And to this I answer: if all that is not good were taken from us, we should be good. When vileness is taken from us, God and the soul are all one, and God and man all one.
What is there on earth which separates us from God? I answer and say: in that it serves us, it is good, and in that it shall perish, it is vile, and for a man to consider it in any other way is sinful. And during the time that a man or woman loves sin, if there are any who do, his suffering is beyond all suffering. And when he does not love sin, but hates it and loves God, all is well. And he who truly does this, though he may sometimes sin through frailty or inexperience, he does not fall, for he will strongly rise again and behold God, whom he loves with all his might. God has made the world to be loved by him or her who is a sinner, but he always loves us, and always longs to have our love. And when we love Jesu strongly and truly, we are at peace.
All the blessed teaching of our Lord God was shown to me in three ways, as I have said before; that is to say, by bodily sight, by words formed in my understanding and by spiritual sight. I have described what I saw with bodily sight as truly as I can; and I have said the words exactly as our Lord revealed them to me; but so far as the spiritual sight is concerned, I have said something about it, but I could never recount it all, and so I am moved to say more if God will give me grace.
24
God showed me that we suffer from two kinds of sickness, of which he wishes us to be cured: one of them is impatience, because we find our trouble and suffering a heavy burden to bear, and the other is despair, or doubtful fear, as I shall explain later. And these two are the ones which most trouble and torment us, according to what our Lord showed me, and the ones it most pleases him if we reform. I am talking of those men and women who for the love of God hate sin and are anxious to do God’s will. And these are the two secret sins which threaten us most, so it is God’s will that they should be recognized and then we shall reject them as we do other sins.
And our Lord very humbly revealed to me the patience with which he bore his terrible Passion and also the joy and delight which that Passion gave him because of his love. And he showed by his example that we should bear our sufferings gladly and lightly, because that pleases him greatly and benefits us for ever. And we are troubled by them because we do not recognize love. Though the persons of the Holy Trinity are all equal in nature, what was shown me most clearly was that love is nearest to us all. And this is the knowledge of which we are most ignorant; for many men and women believe that God is almighty and has power to do everything, and that he is all wisdom and knows how to do everything, but that he is all love and is willing to do everything – there they stop. And this ignorance is what hinders those who most love God; for when they begin to hate sin, and to mend their ways under the laws of Holy Church, there still remains some fear which moves them to think of themselves and their previous sins. And they take this fear for humility, but it is foul ignorance and weakness. And we cannot despise it, though if we knew it we should immediately despise it, as we do some other sin that we recognize, for it comes from the Enemy, and it is contrary to truth. So, of all the properties of the Holy Trinity, it is God’s wish that we should place most reliance on liking and love; for love makes God’s power and wisdom very gentle to us; just as through his generosity God forgives our sin when we repent, so he wants us to forget our sin and all our depression and all our doubtful fear.
25
For I saw four kinds of fear. One is fear of attack which suddenly comes to a man through weakness. This fear does good, for it helps to purify, just like bodily sickness or other sufferings which are not sinful; for all such suffering helps if it is endured patiently.
The second fear is that of punishment, whereby someone is stirred and woken from the sleep of sin; for those who are deep in the sleep of sin are for the time being unable to perceive the gentle comfort of the Holy Ghost, until they have experienced this fear of punishment, of bodily death and of spiritual enemies. And this fear moves us to seek the comfort and mercy of God; and this fear serves as an entrance and enables us to be contrite through the blessed teaching of the Holy Ghost.
The third is doubtful fear; for though it may be small in itself, if it were recognized it would be seen as a sort of despair. For I am sure that God hates all doubtful fear, and he wishes us to separate ourselves from it by gaining true knowledge of life.
The fourth is reverent fear; the only fear we can have which pleases God is reverent fear; and it is very sweet and gentle because of the greatness of love. And yet this reverent fear and love are not one and the same. They are two in their nature and their way of working, yet neither of them may be had without the other. Therefore I am certain that those who love also fear, though they may only feel it a little.
Even though they may appear to be holy, all the fears which face us, apart from reverent fear, are not truly so; and this is how we can tell which is which. For reverent fear, the more we have it, the more it softens and comforts and pleases and rests us; and the false fear disquiets, distresses and disturbs. This is the remedy then, to recognize them both and reject the false fear, just as we would a wicked spirit that appeared in the likeness of a good angel. However attractive his company and his behaviour appear to be, he first disquiets and distresses and disturbs the person he speaks with, and hinders him and leaves him thoroughly upset; and the more he has to do with him, the more he disturbs him, and the further he is from peace. Therefore it is God’s will and our gain that we should know them apart; for God always wants us to be secure in love, and peaceful and restful, as he is towards us. And in the same way as he is disposed towards us, so he wishes us to be disposed towards ourselves and towards our fellow Christians. Amen.