Divine Guidance
DIVINE GUIDANCE
first step, because then I shall not have to take the second'.
But when I felt pious I used to be eagerly on the look out for guidance in this first step.
Among the Quakers this guidance was so well regulated that it never took the form of any extreme Fanaticism, but was mostly concerned with the subject of religious service, and of dress and reading and matters of daily life.
I had one friend who was greatly given up to this sort of guidance, and who told me that she hardly ever could get downstairs in the morning without feeling led to go back and change some article of dress for another less attractive, and that many a time she would run to a meeting with her fingers in her ears for fear she would have to go back and put on something conspicuous, as a cross for the benefit of her soul.
The childhood and young girlhood of this friend were made miserable by this matter of what she considered guidance.
She was very brilliant, and wrote a good deal—really good writing, I should judge from what she has since done—but she felt guided continually to destroy what she wrote, throwing the manuscripts into the fire as a supreme sacrifice to the Deity she was trying to serve.
The fact was that in this theory of guidance all the things we liked best and enjoyed most were the things that we had to sacrifice, and we were almost afraid to acknowledge to ourselves that we enjoyed anything for fear that we should immediately feel led to give it all up.
Of course, with healthy natures these ideas of guidance would not do much harm, although they might occasion,
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
SSOP
ANA TLICIS
as they did to me, times of great perplexity ; but, with emotional and introspective natures the mischief was very great, and drove many to the verge of, and even in some cases, completely into insanity.
I knew one of the Quaker preachers at the meeting that I attended who had got a new drawing-room carpet, and was so pleased with it that immediately she felt she must do something to mortify her pride, and felt 'led' to have a load of stones and mud wheeled in and upset upon it. I remember that I always looked upon her with the most profound reverence, as having been one who had been specially favoured with Divine Guidance, and who had made a supreme sacrifice to obey it.
At one time in my experience, I also had a new carpet of which I was very proud because we were not very rich, and it was a great thing for us to get a new
Brussels carpet.
Shortly after the carpet was put down my husband felt drawn to have a number of rough working-men come every Sunday morning to this drawing-room for a Bible class.
It was a great trial to me to have my carpet used in that way and I was inclined to resent it, but I knew as a Christian I ought not to feel so, and yet I did not exactly see how to overcome the feeling.
Someone happened to say to me about that time that there was always some passage in Scripture which would help you out of every difficulty, and when I was praying about this difficulty of mine I said, ' Well, I am certain that there is no Scripture anywhere that says anything about drawing-room carpets', and at that very moment there flashed into my
DIVINE GUIDANCE
mind the passage, ' Take joyfully the spoiling of your goods'.
And I immediately seized hold of that word of God as the Sword of the Spirit with which to conquer my enemy, and from that moment I rather enjoyed seeing these rough men tramp over my new carpet ; and I may say in conclusion that that carpet seemed as if it never would wear out.
It lasted for years, until I was tired and sick at the sight of it. But this was not an instance of Guidance, but rather of plain Christian duty.
I had another friend who found it difficult even to get through her meals without being 'led', just as she was putting a mouthful to her lips, to feel that she ought not to eat that mouthful.
(This same young friend I met in the days when I understood better myself.) And when she would come to me in trouble as to what she should eat or what she should wear, or where she should go, I was obliged to give her. a piece of advice, to which I rather objected, which was, to 'ask Josiah'.
Josiah was her husband and I gathered from all she said that he was a man of a good deal of good sense, and although I did not as a general thing approve of letting husbands decide things for their wives, I found that in her case she had so many scruples that it was almost a necessity.
She lived in a semi-detached house with a little green in front, and in the middle of the green was a flower bed.
Her neighbour used to take turns with her every spring in filling this bed with flowers.
When it came to her turn, she was greatly concerned about the colour of the
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
OF FANATICISM
flowers, and especially felt led not to have red geraniums.
But one spring her neighbour especially wanted her to have red geraniums, and she came to me in the greatest trouble to know what she was to do.
Fortunately by this time I had a little sense, and I told her that I thought Heavenly Father would not have created red geraniums if it could possibly be wrong for anybody to have them, and this relieved her mind.
She lived quite a way from my house and she would sometimes, in the midst of doing some sewing—for instance, making a dress for her little girl—get into such a snarl as to whether it would be right to put ten buttons or six down the back of the little child's dress, that she would have to drop everything and come down to me to ask me what she should do.
I had enough sense by this time to know that there was no divine reality in the thing, consequently all I used to do was to try and find out what she really wanted, and then tell her to do that, so that I was a very comforting Father Confessor.
I had another friend who was fond of painting, and had several pictures which her family greatly prized, and who ' felt led' one day to burn these pictures, and took them out into a field behind the house and made a bonfire of them, feeling that it was the supreme sacrifice she could offer.
This was in the days when I was intensely interested in trying to learn all about the subject of guidance, and I remember that I looked upon this performance with the most reverential awe, and only wished that I could be moved to some similar sacrifice ; but for some reason I never seemed able
DIVINE GUIDANCE
to get any clear guidance, considerations of common sense always coming in to upset any approaches to what
I considered might be guidance.
I knew a woman, who was one of the dearest and most earnest Christians in her circle, but who had given herself up to follow these impressions, honestly believing that they were the voice of God. She was visiting a friend, and was taken ill in this friend's house.
One morning, when she was in bed, her friend came in to see her, and laid some money upon the dressing-table.
She was called away suddenly, and left the money behind her.
As soon as she was gone, an impression came to the invalid that the Lord wanted her to take that money in order to illustrate the truth of the text that 'all things are yours'.
'The impression was so strong that she got out of bed and took the money and hid it under her pillow.
In a little while her friend came back to get the money.
'The poor invalid was afraid to tell her what she had done, and was reduced to the subterfuge of saying she thought somebody must have come in without her noticing and stolen it.
A great deal of trouble ensued ; the lady of the house became suspicious, and the poor invalid began to become doubtful as to whether it had really been the Lord's voice or not, and underwent agonies of remorse.
At last the lady of the house, from her prevarications and excuses, was convinced that the invalid had stolen it, and turned her out of the house, and it occasioned a permanent breach between them.
What the invalid herself thought of it afterwards, I do not know, for I have never seen her since.
PERSONAL
EX PERIEBNCESZOPPTANATICISM
In spite of the difficulties which they so often involved, I felt sure that the true Divine Guidance must be the greatest possible blessing this world could hold, and during that summer in Coulter St., Germantown, of which I have spoken elsewhere, when that strange household lived next door to us, I made the most determined effort of my life to get at the secret of it. And it was in this wise. Among other striking and apparently holy characteristics, Mr. L. and the W.'s seemed to know all about the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and to experience it in a very wonderful way.
They seemed, in fact, to have gained such a familiarity with the ' voice of the Lord' as to live in constant communion with Him, and to have His guidance in all the smallest details of their lives—as to what they should wear, and what they should eat, and even as to what rooms they should occupy, and what chairs they should sit in, and, in fact, how they should order every moment of their lives.
All this was intensely interesting and delightful to me, and I longed to know just such a life lived in the Lord's presence and guided and controlled by Him, and was never tired of hearing about it.
I have described elsewhere how I tried and failed to live in the same way.
From all my experience I have come to the conclusion that Divine Guidance is one of the most contagious things in the religious life, and that you are almost sure to catch the same sort of guidance as the people with whom you associate.
A. striking illustration of this occurred during this same summer.
The reputation of this household as
DIVINE GUIDANCE
religious teachers had spread far and wide.
Among the many enquirers who came to be instructed by these teachers were a great many saintly women, not all young by any manner of means, and most of them with a large amount of spiritual knowledge and experience, and apparently a great deal of prudence and good sense.
But, strange to say, one after another of these dear, sober, middle-aged sisters, many of them older than
Mr. L. himself, would in some mysterious way begin to 'feel led' to give him a kiss, and in spite of all the agony of mind they had to endure at the thought of such an unwomanly and apparently immodest performance, they could find no peace until the sacrifice was made, and the called for kiss bestowed, when floods of joy and peace would fill their souls.
As whispers about these supreme sacrifices to duty spread through the house, one and another caught the infection, and finally it reached me. One day when I was alone reading my Bible and praying for guidance (and however else it may have been with the others, in my case it certainly was only an honest longing to know the Lord and be conformed to His likeness), suddenly, in the moment of a most solemn act of consecration to God, a voice, that seemed to be spoken in my inner consciousness from a source entirely distinct from my own personality, said plainly, 'If you want to be emtirely consecrated to God, you must kiss Mr. L.'
I was horror-struck, and my whole being revolted from such an action.
But what was I to do?
I had started out to follow the Lord absolutely whithersoever He should lead me, and how
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
OF FANATICISM
could I not believe that an inward voice which came to me at such a solemn moment, when I felt myself to be so especially in the Lord's presence, was a voice from Him?
There seemed nothing for me to do but to surrender my will in the matter and to say,
' Yes, Lord, if it is Thy will, repulsive as it is, I will do even this !'
Perfect peace at once filled my heart, and I felt like a lamb led to the slaughter, and only awaiting the moment of sacrifice.
Fortunately, however, the impression passed from my mind, and for several days, although I was seeing
Mr. L. continually, I never once thought of it when I was in his presence, though when I was away from him it weighed on me like a dreadful nightmare.
One evening, however, when a little company of us had been sitting at his feet listening to his wonderful teachings,
I was unexpectedly left alone with him for a few minutes, and the voice spoke again, 'Now you must do it'.
But before I had hardly had time to hear the voice, Mr. L. broke the silence by saying, 'Mrs. Smith, if ever you should feel led to kiss me, don't do it, for you are not the sort of person to do such things'.
I said nothing, and in a moment one of the family entered the room, and to my great relief and unspeakable thankfulness the whole impression passed away from my mind and never recurred again.
In looking back I cannot attribute the fact that I was preserved from thus making a fool of myself, while others, equally good, had been ensnared, to any special favour of God towards myself, and certainly not to
DIVINE GUIDANCE
any especial goodness on my part, but simply to the fact that I really was not, as Mr. L. said, ' that kind of person', and that he had insight enough to see that even if I should have been betrayed in a moment of excitement into such an action, my substratum of common sense would sooner or later rise to the surface and make me a dangerous disciple.
Another instance of the contagion of so-called Divine Guidance occurred to me during this same summer.
Miss W. had told me, as an instance of the wonderful way in which she was guided by the Lord, that when she had been at the dressmaker's a few days previously having a dress fitted, in the midst of the fitting the inward
Voice told her to kiss the dressmaker.
She said she had at once obeyed, with the result that the dressmaker had burst into tears and said that no one had kissed her since her mother's death some years before.
And, Miss W. said, it had so touched the dressmaker's heart that she received with thankfulness the ' message from the Lord' that Miss W. felt then led to give her.
was deeply interested in this recital, and thought, with almost a feeling of envy, how beautiful it must be to be so guided, but never supposed for a moment that any such guidance could ever be granted to me.
The incident, however, passed out of my mind and when, a few days afterwards, I went to my dressmaker, who happened to be the same as Miss W.'s, I had entirely forgotten the whole matter.
But suddenly, as I was in the midst of having my dress tried on, it all came back to me, and an inward Voice told me I too must kiss the
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
JOP FANATICISM
dressmaker.
I was rather set back by this, for it seemed to me.a most awkward and distasteful performance, probably quite as awkward and distasteful to the poor dressmaker as to myself.
However, as I was honestly trying to be obedient to the inward voice, I dared not refuse, and said to the dressmaker, ' The Lord tells me to kiss you', and proceeded to bestow a kiss upon her cheek.
I must say the whole thing fell very flat.
The poor woman coloured crimson with embarrassment, and I shared her embarrassment.
No tears followed, and no 'message from the Lord' came either to her or tome.
She hurried to finish her fitting and I hurried to leave the house, thankful to get alone where I could endure my mortification in silence.
I could not understand why my obedience to the inward Voice failed to produce the same results as in the case of Miss W., but concluded it was because she was more holy than I.
I told a very dear friend, who was a great believer in Divine Guidance, all about it, and a few days afterwards she came to me with the story that she too, when at the same dressmaker's the next day after I had told her of my experience, had had the same interior voice telling her that she too must kiss the dressmaker.
Like me, she had been afraid to refuse, and had given the poor dressmaker the third kiss from the Lord.
In her case also it fell quite flat, and they quickly separated, overwhelmed with mutual embarrassment.
What the poor dressmaker thought I never knew, as my friend and I were too much mortified ever to go to her again.
But, when my friend had finished her story, a sudden illumina-
DIVINE GUIDANCE
tion came to me, and I said, ' Sister Sarah, this whole thing is catching.
I caught it from Miss W., and you caught it from me.
Now we must put a stop to it, and not tell another human being about it, or we shall have every one of our friends kissing their dressmakers, and making fools of themselves all round'. My friend agreed to speak of the subject to no one, and I never heard of any more dressmakers being kissed.
Out of all my own personal experiences as to Divine Guidance I found at last that my guidance mostly came in very commonplace ways, and chiefly through impulses of kindness or courtesy.
Nearly always when I did things purely to oblige people or to be kind to them, without any especial thought of guidance, they were very apt to turn out to have been the most direct guidance possible and to have led to quite remarkable results.
This was especially the case with regard to my book, 'The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life'.
It was written simply and only to oblige my husband, who was editing a monthly religious paper at the time, and who begged me each month for an article.
I had no feeling whatever of being ' called' to write it, nor that I was being ' guided' in any way.
The recent Women's Crusade Movement in America had thoroughly awakened me to the need of temperance reform, and I had joined their ranks.
My husband in coming to England had been ordered by his doctor to take wine at dinner.
I did not myself believe that it did him the least bit of good, and it was a great trial to see him taking it. Consequently,
I made his giving it up the condition of my writing an