Miss X.'S Fanaticism
MISS
X.'S FANATICISM
day or two after this decision had been arrived at a letter came, the first she had ever received, from Mr. Harris himself, which, if she had received it before her decision, she felt sure would entirely have altered everything.
It was exactly the sort of letter that would have entranced her and made her feel that it was a ' call of God' which she would not dare to disobey.
But by the time it came the revulsion had become so great that it had no influence.
She found from its date that it should have arrived several days before, but that in some mysterious way it had been mislaid in the community and not forwarded at the right time, and it seemed to her that if the letter had been really of God, He would certainly have managed that it should have come in time to accomplish its work ; in fact, the spell was so completely broken that she began to see the folly and the danger of the whole thing, and was convinced that Mr. Harris's object had been from the beginning to secure herself and her money for his own uses.
She told me that the last she heard of Mr. Harris was two or three years ago when by the force of public opinion he had been obliged to give up his community in California and marry Miss W., and had come to live in New York.
His wife, the former Miss W., had been an inmate in a private hospital in which a friend of Miss X.'s was also a patient.
The matron of the hospital told her that Mr. Harris had become a drivelling, sensual old man; that his only thought appeared to be hugging and kissing women ; that he had tried to do it to her and that she had to avoid ever being alone
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES
OF FANATICISM
with him.
And she was convinced that his wife knew his weakness and tried to prevent his ever being alone with any woman.
But she said that he met her one day in the hall when nobody was about, and that he rushed up to her and threw his arms around her and exclaimed,
'I love you!
I love you!
I love you!
You do not know how I love you!'
And she was obliged to make her escape in order to avoid further demonstrations.
Miss~X.'s search after spiritual things continued in spite of her disappointments, and I think it is safe to say that she tried to find satisfaction for her soul in every known form of religious belief, but failed in all.
Finally, she was thrown in with Roman Catholics, was convinced of the true claims of that Church and joined them, and has from that moment had absolute peace and rest, with no further religious troubles of any kind, and is leading a most useful and happy life, working for the Lord in Roman Catholic ways.
At present she is very much interested in the starting of a Roman Catholic College for girls in connexion with the Order of Notre Dame.
To show what complete satisfaction her soul has found in this Church, she said to us after having joined it:
' Well, Robert and Hannah, I've tried religious quacks for a great many years and have never found any satisfaction from them, but now at last I have found, in our Church, spiritual teachers who have been trained by centuries of study and experience and are able to meet all the spiritual difficulties that beset any soul, and they give me satisfactory answers to every difficulty.
I have no further troubles, and as
MISS
X.'S FANATICISM
regards doctrines, I feel that I, with my small experience and limited means of education in such subjects have no right to have any opinion ; but in our Church there is a body of men trained for this very purpose, and to them I leave the settling of all such questions.'
She has often assured me that if I would truly follow the light, I also would be brought into the Roman
Catholic Church.
Needless to say, that has not happened yet, but I can easily see that if one could once bring one's mind to believe that that Church was infallible, it would bring peace to give up all speculations and throw oneself blindfold into its arms.
CHA Pal ERX
DIVINE. GUYDAN
CE , \HE whole subject of Divine Guidance was to me a very interesting one ; largely, no doubt, because of my education in the Quaker Society.
It naturally seemed a beautiful idea to think that we could be directly guided in all our affairs by the Almighty, and I was ready to catch at any straw which seemed to promise success.
My idea of guidance in those days was of having impressed upon my mind in some miraculous way the will of God ; and the teaching I received was that instant, unquestioning obedience to these impressions was the only way to make the thing a certainty.
Ihe old Friends, when I would object sometimes to certain steps as appearing unreasonable and mistaken, would always tell me that light was given for one step, and that, as I obeyed the first step, light would be given for the second: consequently the pathway looked like a series of blind steps, each one taken without any comprehension of where it would lead, but sure to lead aright, the steps following one another in a Divine order, unseen by myself, but planned by God.
I had an old Grandmother who was always telling me these things, and urging me to take the first step in obedience to my inward Guide.
When I felt wicked, I used to say to myself, ' Well, I will never take the