Chapter 9

Chapter 9 Our pilgrims overcome Apollyon after being injured; Excellent experience of the wisdom of heart, and streams of devotedness penned in the form of Hymns. "Lest I should be exalted … a thorn in the flesh was given to me." 2 Cor 12: 7 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9. The Pilgrim's Enemy "Agony follows ecstasy." The aphorism proved true in the triumphant journey of our Christian pilgrim Purushotham. Having run a missionary race so wonderfully for 10 years, Purushotham had to face the vicious arrows of Satan in 1844. The angel of darkness Apollyon shot arrows of temptation at him and grievously injured him. He had to check his full armour of God for some time and withstood the attack. He described this experience and how he managed to get out of it: "I am living in Berhampur spending time in Lord's service. I painfully realized how Satan would be on your heels to trip you over just to show that you cannot truly work for the Lord. Satan promptly harped on the fleshly desires in me and I fell into sin. My fall was both deep and dreadful. Because I was not cautious, Satan came like a roaring lion to devour me. Because I gave room to Satan, he came into me. My minds' eye was closed and I fell into the deep, dark pit of sin." Though he fell into sin, by the power of God's grace, he was able to get out of it through genuine repentance as it is said "Repentance alone purifies." We can understand this through the hymns he wrote around that time.

Pilgrim's Fight During the spell of Purushotham's temptation, Wilkinson remained so kind and understanding. But Purushotham felt extremely uncomfortable in spirit to be with him, because of his sinful experience. He therefore went to the Cantonment area in Cuttack hiding himself in the low-lying areas near the banks of River Katjodi. He spent days without end in praying, crying, prostrating before the Lord. One day hiding in a cave he wrote the following hymns and poems on repentance. Song of Repentance and Sorrow Save me Master Christ- have mercy on me- I approach you saying your feet alone are my refuge. 1. Slave to my worthless bodily passions- full of woe I fell into grief- heap of my sins grow as I dig deep- I got tarnished in this manner- oh what can I do! 2. Having a shameless mind, devoid of devotion towards you- I have done many appalling deeds- hand in hand with the king of demons- I did his works and thus fell into sinful life. 3. Lacking in fortitude, not an iota of truth in me- I became an expert in uttering falsehoods- straying from the straight path- I fell speedily into the grievous dark pit of sin, woe unto me! 4. On the brink of reaching you, eternal bliss at hand- many accusations beset me- you gave my heart confidence, to overcome despair-rescued me from all dangers- oh, how I praise and adore you! From Pancha chamara Poems Pilgrim's Lament Not fixing my eyes firmly on Jehova I allowed layers to grow, foolish, reckless, Lusted after an image of dust, earned sin, what great iniquity!

Master Christ, incarnate God, saviour of the oppressed Even if I bow my head in shame for ever, Beating my chest, tears rolling down Speechless, harping on my crime, Master Christ, incarnate God, saviour of the oppressed Destroy all my sin with your holy blood Even a drop suffices, consider my heart I believed in you, you are my witness Master Christ, incarnate God, saviour of the oppressed (There are 50 poems like this with 'ra' meter in Telugu language) From the Satakam (Compilation of 100 poems) I am endlessly sinful, wicked, and cruel Great offender, ungrateful, vile You are humble, shower your grace on me Look upon me, alter me Jesus my master First born of the evil doers, heap of depravity dung Target of woes and sorrows, propagator of malevolent ways Deserving the lowest hell, O ocean of mercy, I approach you, make me your slave Jesus my master Like the bee thirsting after honey hidden in the rosy red. Let me draw near to your bleeding lotus feet In my soul, I drink the nectar of ultimate bliss My God, Jesus Christ, my Lord!

Like inky clouds disperse on a dark day by the windstorm From behind the rain cloud canopy the Sun blazing In his blistering glare, thus showing yourself to me, destroy my sinful dead state, enlighten me O Lord Jesus O Holy Spirit, threshold to the untainted house of Dharma, O city of heaven, abode of wisdom, unpolluted pond of grace, O contemplation of the devotees, source of heavenly insight I acclaim you imploring for my sins to be forgiven In the whole wide world, there is none more despicable than I When I search far and wide, find no greater saviour than you I draw near to you, rescue me, all creation praise you, Your status stands intact in the three worlds One who genuinely believes in the atoning work of Christ comes naturally to repentance. In two sets of 100 poems each, Purushotham described his experience of redemption from sins, assurance of salvation and steadfast faith. The Pilgrims Treasure of Experience It is true that temptations or demonic instigations can put a fence around a man to subdue him. "A strong man conquers the members of his body; a scholar learns easily the deeper things." But there is a superior power- the divine power of God through Jesus Christ- which does not leave the man in his fallen state. It not only pulls him up but provides him with the poise and comfort he needs at that time. Strong and mighty the Satan may be He cannot drag man by force May entice showing allurements It cannot subdue by force

Can show wrong path and pull It cannot win by crooked plot Fleshly desires and lusts Cannot subdue the spirit For the sake of the Saviour of souls our Lord Fight on, never surrendering Blaming others is never befitting Nor just for a good Christian One can play with the fangs of the serpent But cannot mingle with the wicked One can subdue the rising tide of the sea Cannot ignore the evils of human nature One can sink foundations underground Cannot move the roots of malevolent will One can take the bolt from the sky into ones' bosom Cannot withstand the sinful fury of man Alas, how often the worthy Christian Struggle with these forces Downtrodden, crestfallen and tearful Look to the grace of God with patient hope. Rescue from Punishment The striking difference between Christianity and other religions can be clearly seen in the life of this man of God, as written by himself in his "Light of Christian Ethics." Jesus came down to earth to save us. The blood of Jesus cleanses us from all kinds of sin. Those who believe in this

Biblical truth, are redeemed from punishment, become victorious and be full of eternal joy. After the period of temptation, Rev. Charles Lacey, who gave him baptism visited Purushotham regularly and asked after his welfare. And some of Purushotham's old friends watched him closely wondering what his restoration would look like. One day talking to an English man, Purushotham expressed his despair that his sin could not be forgiven ever. To this the gentleman said, even the doubt that Lord Jesus does not forgive certain sins itself is a deadly sin. And this statement cleared the haunting doubt in him and this is indicated in this poem. The worst sin is the doubt that Christ will not Forgive my worst sin, this is the last sin of man On hearing a devout man saying this, I come to you, Oh, graceful one, save me master Jesus Then the Englishman asked Purushotham a riveting question, "Brother Purushotham, are your sins greater than the value of one drop of the blood of Christ?" This question penetrated his heart and all unbelief vanished. He wrote the following hymn in 1845: Strength that Comes After Contemplation. Heb 13:5 My soul, why do you grieve, is this fitting? The one who has saved you until now, will he leave you now? 1. Examine your bad deeds from the beginning, he held your hands while you were running helter-skelter. He crushed down your proliferating corrupt doings, driven away your enemies. Did he say, he cannot do it anymore? Why doubt? 2. In a place where you cannot hold your head high, he gave you beauty and made you stand. Many a time, he knew your needs and supplied them. When you are weak, he gave you fortitude, driven away myriad pains. Did he say this is the end, that he cannot do it anymore?

3. The one who said, 'not even one hair will fall from your head, I am your succour,' and taught you his word, who rescued you from your persecutors, who offers his helping hand to tide you over difficulties, did he say you don't have the right anymore? Never will he excommunicate you. 4. Jesus selected you beforehand, purchased you with his blood. The pure one who dispels guilt is your witness. The father, object of your worship is your watchman all around. Your protectors surround you. See, the endless joy is coming close. Around this time, Purushotham also wrote the following hymn sung in places like Africa, Burma, Molman, Rangoon, Hyderabad, Kharagpur, Tata Nagar, England, and Canada where Christian missionaries spread themselves: Sinner Approaching Lord Jesus Just as I am, I come to your feet. Countless sins on my back, press me down, see I stumble, I cannot walk. Have mercy on me. 1. O ocean of compassion, my saviour Jesus, shedding your body blood, calling me to your side in abundant grace; All this is due to your love that has no reason, nothing else is in me makes me to deserve this. 2. Hordes of my sins cover my soul like charcoal, leaving stains. I realise it is your blood alone that cleanses each dark spot, all murky trash, and purify, so I come, seeing your cross without hesitation. 3. Battles outside, fears inside, robbing me off my peace of mind. Tired and beaten this way and that, with many doubts and struggles, wounded and strength depleted, here I come. 4. I am wretched, poor and blind, lying wasted and corrupted. Heal my disoriented mind, and give sight to my sightless eyes. My saviour, I come to get all that I can get from you.

5. Believing your promise, casting my burden on you, I found the way of life. Out of your unique love, forgive me, take me unto you, purify my thoughts, bestow occasions of joy. 6. Impossible for me to describe your vast and delightful love. You broke all obstacles that hindered me. Now I come to become yours, yes, truly yours. It is believed that Purushotham wrote the above hymn incorporating his own experiences after grasping the meaning of the English hymn "Just as I am…" with the help of Rev John Hay. Struggling with earthly matters through a series of temptations, Purushotham wrote the following hymn in a self-alerting attempt: Self-Exhortation Shun O my soul, narrow minded ways, elder among elders and the Holy one Christ corrects you, never trespass his boundaries of love. 1. Keep out despicable thoughts, and diabolical Satan, vilest of the vile; walk hereafter as a worthy child of the Lord. 2. It is good to be blamed without reason. Never forget the lovely covenants of your Lord who shines in you. 3. Keep your hope on Jesus, who purged you of your sins and carried you; Do not go astray from the true servants of Jesus. 4. Do not bend, stand erect, when Jesus your generous father is for you, why dampen your spirit? 5. Do not give up nor lose heart, difficulties rush at you in throngs, keep eyes on the Lord who breaks their strongholds. 6. Choose the best traits, look to the Lord who destroys your deception of pride and evil ways. When our great Christian pilgrim got out of the city of perdition after being wounded by the enemy's arrows, he now writes the following poems.

Fruits of Spiritual Experience A Christian alone Faces sin, struggles with it Seeking victory By the help of the true saviour Jesus This battle experienced in heart He is truly valiant, But to false Christians, this is unknown Our saint of God wrote the 'One hundred poems on Jesus our master,' collection of a hundred poems on Jesus Lord,' and 'Pancha chamara Poems' denoting his repentance. Purushotham got multiple copies of these titles and sent them to Rev W. Dawson in Srikakulam, and Dr Hay and Rev Johnstone in Vishakhapatnam by post. At the end of 1845 Regional Missionary Convention, Purushotham's name came up for discussion. Though many were happy with Purushotham's repentance and recovery, Rev Sutton, the missionary Secretary, was adamant that Purushotham should be put through some more tests and his wages should be reduced. Experienced believers swayed between two opinions whether it was Sutton's lack of Christian love or was it a providential action God through Sutton. If Sutton had not been so stubborn, Purushotham would have stayed there, missing the services he could have rendered to other Christian Churches. Because it was God's will for Purushotham to serve in other areas, God made Sutton firm in his resolve about Purushotham. In his dilemma, Purushotham prayed for a direction, whether he should stay on with Sutton, who is known to be rather harsh, or go to an unknown place where he would be welcome. And God showed him several alternatives.

Things have miraculously changed. William Dawson and others after reading the hymns and poems sent to them, asked Purushotham to visit them at Srikakulam. Purushotham looked at this invitation as God sent. He and his wife weighed the invitation prayerfully and wanted to see the people at Srikakulam, to see if things went well. Otherwise, they would get back to Cuttack and take up the job specified by the Missionary Secretary. He then left the family at Cuttack and went to Srikakulam alone.