CHAPTER XX Of the sweet converse of Jesus with St. Peter and St John the Apostle about loving Him
CHAPTER XX
Of the sweet converse of Jesus with St. Peter and St John the Apostle about loving Him
I BLESS Thee, and give thanks to Thee, O Lord Jesus, most gracious Lover of men, and most wise Teacher of babes, for Thy sweet converse with holy Peter about love for Thee, and chiefly for Thy thrice repeated question to him, and for Thy courtesy in specially mentioning the name of his father, at which he himself may well have been astonished and rejoiced greatly. When speaking with him Thou didst put to him one question only, namely, about the closeness of his love, saying to him: “Simon, son of John, lovest thou Me more than these?”
I praise and glorify Thee, O most illustrious Jesus, for Thy unspeakable gentleness and goodness in not reproaching holy Peter for the grievous sin which he had committed against Thee; and in choosing rather to rouse him to greater fervour by asking him about his love for Thee, which all the time Thou knewest full well, but didst wish to make known to his brethren who stood by. Further, Thou didst thus make plain to the whole Church throughout the world in what high esteem, even after his fall, Peter’s rank and holiness were to be held, and how unchanged was his place in Thy love. And this Thou didst lest some other fallen one, not remembering his own case, should think slightingly of one, with whom Thou, O Lord, didst not disdain to converse so lovingly, and to sit down to meat.
I praise Thee, and greatly commend holy Peter Thy Apostle, my pattern next after Thee, for his straight and outspoken answer to Thy words. There was no presumption, no carelessness, in what he said; he did not put himself forward as excelling others in his love for Thee; thus teaching me and all men to be humble in our opinion of ourselves, to be cautious in our thoughts, to answer questions discreetly, and boldly and truthfully to confess the Christian faith no matter what men may say against it. Thrice (in honour of the Holy Trinity) did he repeat his answer; and because, moved by fear, he had thrice denied his Lord, so now, believing with his whole heart, and nothing doubting, he three times says: “I love Thee, I love Thee, I love Thee.” What more could he say? “Yea, Lord, Thou knowest that I love Thee.”
“Holy Peter, what sayest thou if men who see not thy heart believe not thy words?” “I speak to my Lord, and cry out so that all may hear me, and with heart and lips boldly profess: ‘Lord, Thou knowest all things, Thou knowest that I love Thee. Lord, Thou hast proved me, and known me: Thou hast known my downsitting, in my denial of Thee; and Thou hast known my uprising, in my bitter tears and true penitence. Thou hast pardoned, O Lord, Thou hast pardoned, my sin against Thee. For Thy Holy Name’s sake Thou hast forgiven all my sins; sweet is Thy mercy, and manifold are Thy loving-kindnesses over all Thy works from everlasting to everlasting, world without end.’ ”
I praise and glorify Thee, O most sweet Jesus, for Thy faithful and loving commendation of Thy lambs and of Thy sheep to the care and pastoral charge of holy Peter, Thy Apostle, who loved Thee so well, and was so dear to Thee, whom Thou didst call from the catching of fish to the cure of souls, and to the government of all the Churches; from a boat to a Bishop’s throne; from the use of miserable nets to a royal priesthood; from a poverty-stricken home to the office of Roman Pontiff, an office to which Thou didst not prefer any of the Saints before him. For of Thy great mercy, and of the bounty of Thy grace alone, Thou didst make choice of him to be, in Thy Own holy stead, Thy faithful and true Vicar, with full delegation of Thy power over all churches and realms, not for the ill-treatment or injury of any young lamb or poor weak sheep committed to his care, but for the protection and comfort, for the edification and the safe-keeping of all the faithful, young and old, throughout the world.
Therefore with Thy own Mouth Thou didst carefully instruct Peter himself, and didst lay the same command upon all other Bishops, saying: “Feed my lambs, feed my sheep, both great and small, both rich and poor; for I have redeemed them with My Own Blood. Remember, Peter, what thou wast before I called thee from the ship to the dignity of an Apostle, and to what still greater honour and dignity by my special grace and mercy thou hast now been advanced in spite of thy threefold denial. Thou hast been made chief pastor and ruler of all the Churches, not for thy own praise and honour, but in order that thou mayest ever seek my glory and that of My Heavenly Father and of the Holy Ghost, and mayest keep in peace those entrusted to thee.”
I praise Thee, O most loving Jesus, for the gracious friendliness of Thy discourse with holy Peter and holy John, who were endeared to Thee by ties of special love. By Thy own example Thou didst give to Peter (already well-instructed) strength to die upon his cross; but of John, the youth so dear to Thee, Thou didst postpone the departure, in order that he might teach and might commit to writing the deeper and more essential mysteries of Holy Church; and with provident kindness Thou didst long time preserve his life for the consolation of many of the faithful. When therefore Peter asked of Thee what John’s end would be, Thou didst briefly answer: “I mean him to tarry thus in the body, in order that he may teach the whole Church, and may devote himself to the care of My Mother, whom from My Cross I commended to him. It is My Will that he live long, and commit to writing certain very deep things concerning My Divinity, My Incarnation, My Passion, and My Resurrection, things which he has seen with his own eyes, and heard often from My lips; and I will that he do this till such time as I shall come in person to him, and shall take him rejoicing to Myself. What is this to thee, Peter? Follow thou me: follow Me in bearing thy cross for My sake; for great indeed is the honour that awaits thee, that, namely, of suffering for My sake upon the cross a death like My Own.”
When all these things had been said and quietly ordered, the bodily repast came to an end; but so need not the spiritual, which is better enjoyed by the way of devout meditation and prayer than by way of a lengthy recital.
I beseech Thee, therefore, O most loving Lord Jesus Christ, best of all Physicians of the fainting soul, that in all the changes and chances of this weary life on earth Thou wouldst guide my steps aright upon the path which will bring me in the end to the kingdom of Thy Glory in Heaven. Suffer me not to be puffed up with pride as I read or sing in Choir in the presence of my brethren, who are better men than I: as I study, or copy holy books for our convent, suffer me not to think much of myself, or to compare myself with men who are more learned than myself, or have been endowed by Thee with keener mental gifts: suffer me not in this way to lose, here upon earth the fruit of good works, and in the world to come my eternal reward with Thee in Heaven.
Keep me also, O Lord, when the blast of temptation is strong upon me, from losing my temper and being angry with my brethren: give me grace lovingly to bear with the peculiarities and the failings of others, and to make excuses for them as I should for myself, if those failings were my own; even as Thou, Lord, by long and often bearing with them, and by gently admonishing them to strive after greater perfection, didst so excellently instruct Thy disciples.
Give me grace to follow Thee and holy Peter along the way of the Cross, by patiently bearing toil of body and sorrow of heart, even unto death.
Of Thy great mercy grant to me, an unworthy sinner, in company with holy Thomas, that outspoken and faithful Apostle, mentally to touch and handle Thy most sacred Wounds, and to meditate thereon daily at Mass, in my cell, at table, at all times and wherever I may be, by way of thanksgiving for Thy benefits, for the love of Thy Holy Name, and for the honour of Thy Holy Cross.
Grant to me also that, with holy John the Apostle, I may love Thee with a pure heart and a pure body; that I may specially venerate holy Mary thy Mother who was entrusted to his care; that I may gladly hear and read his holy Gospel; that I may keep it ever in my heart; and that I may rest, as it were, upon Thy Breast, caring nought for the things of this world, and gazing upon the secret things of Heaven, even as he did in the Apocalypse.
Be merciful to me, O Lord, and keep me, under the protection of blessed James the Apostle, from all the sins which beset me. Strengthen me in all virtuous and godly living, that I may be able to resist the snares of the devil whether they come to me by way of things pleasant, or of things disgusting; for to Thee and to Thy holy Angels they are all most hateful and displeasing. Grant me also grace to root out all pride of intellect; to curb my longings for dainty food; to be watchful over the door of my heart, of my lips, and of my other senses. Give me grace, O Son of God, to drink with the sons of Zebedee the chalice of Thy Passion, for the remission of all my sins, and with them and with all Thy Saints to sup with Thee in the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.