Dealing With Emotional Doubt
DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL DOUBT
Gary R. Habermas
Few issues plague believers more frequently than doubts concerning Christianity in general or their own faith in particular. After all, if my faith is centrally important to me and I have what I think are serious questions about it, it could be disturbing, especially if I do not seek out someone with whom I may discuss it.
The situation is further exacerbated by the many incorrect ideas concerning doubt. Few topics are accompanied by more false views or faulty information. For example, the following are all arguably false to a large degree: doubt is relatively rare; biblical heroes never or seldom questioned God; doubt is unbelief and is always the opposite of faith; it is the unpardonable sin or at least always a sinful practice; it cannot or seldom produces positive results; it is always solved by a study of Christian evidences; it never bothers unbelievers; doubt grows worse as we get older.1
I will define religious doubt as uncertainty regarding God or our relationship to Him. Although non-Christians reportedly also experience religious uncertainty,2 I am treating specifically Christian doubt.Within this definition I have identified three primary families of doubt: factual, emotional, and volitional uncertainty.3 Questions can arise in several forms, such as challenges to the truth of Christianity, the assurance of one's own faith, or concerns regarding pain, suffering, or the perception of unanswered prayer.
In this essay I will address what is perhaps the most common as well as the most painful variety of religious doubt—that which is emotional in nature.4 My goal is to present a pastoral perspective that could possibly help to alleviate some of the most painful side effects of this uncertainty.5
Identifying Emotional Doubt
Emotional doubt is identified not so much by the sorts of questions that are asked but by the underlying reasons for those questions. While it frequently masquerades as factual doubt, asking what may sound like evidential sorts of issues, the chief basis out of which these questions come is not solved by answering the questions, as is factual doubt. This is why emotional doubters often think that they are just one more apologetics book away from solving their pain, but their momentary hope is usually followed once again by another emotional challenge.
So the pertinent issue here is the proper identification of emotional doubt. This is a crucial point because if the family of doubt is misidentified, the chances of achieving substantial benefits are reduced.
Emotional doubt can arise from a large variety of factors but most often emerges in the aftermath of one's emotional hurts. For example, medical background and issues (including heredity or sickness), psychological factors (including anxiety or depression), as well as childhood or more recent hurts (death, divorce, or other breakups) can all be highly relevant factors. But even the lack of sleep, a good diet, or regular exercise can contribute much, as can peer pressure.
Throughout, perhaps the chief characteristic of emotional doubt is judging issues by one's feelings—how the questioner feels when these subjects arise or how the issues affect the individual. Unfortunately, the person usually does not realize that he is reacting less to the questions themselves and more to the results.
We have said that the questions often concern not the factual data itself but one's response to these questions. Perhaps the single most telling indication of the emotional component is the well-placed, “What if?” comeback, whether spoken or implied. Here, doubters are not questioning the data but the observation that, although the evidence appears to be solid and they are inclined to accept it, they could be mistaken. Often the follow-up challenge to produce some noteworthy issues is answered by the rejoinder, “Well, I don't see any obvious factual problems. But what if we are still mistaken somehow?”
Interestingly, emotional doubters who are most interested in their own salvation may report that they only want to be sure that they're a Christian, that they are really in love with Jesus. But then they may go on to allow that, while they seem to have those feelings and desires, they could possibly be misleading themselves. The latter may even be buttressed with Scripture, such as Matt 7:22—23! Strangely enough, it seldom seems to occur to such persons that we generally only worry about things that are close to the top of our personal list of concerns, betraying the fact that we probably are in love with Jesus, after all!
Another common thought occurring to emotional doubters seems to be that, although they do not know why, perhaps they are going to hell. If informal surveys help, many Christians even visualize this possibility, often at night, with Jesus extending His left arm to them at judgment, directing them to eternal punishment. Another text might even be cited for this (Matt 25:41-46).
It should not be surprising, then, if emotional doubters indicate to their pastor or best friend that the entire situation has left them feeling worn out and defeated. Their descriptions are sometimes wrought with emotional language. To those who know them best, they have frequently grown distraught by the constant questioning of their most cherished beliefs. Probing may indicate that they are focusing on remote possibilities that are not governed by the rules of evidence. Sometimes their questions are even immune to the facts. After all, any case produced by a pastor can be confronted with the well-placed challenge, “But what if … ?”
Therefore, the key to identifying emotional uncertainty often involves picking out any painful or distressed feelings behind the questions or issues. It means developing an ear for cases where producing a list of strong evidences may seem to work for a few days, perhaps even producing a momentary emotional “high,” followed by the diminishing assurance that may result again in feelings of turmoil.
Understanding Emotional Pain
Some Christians mistrust the theories and techniques of psychologists and professional counselors, often because they are unable to distinguish biblical from unbiblical ideas. I am neither a psychologist nor a professional counselor; I am presenting here a biblical or pastoral treatment of doubt. But many strong Christian counseling writings are available for application to a biblical or pastoral setting.6
One crucial observation, which specialists often explain is based on a solid experimental foundation, seems to be counter to what most people think. What and how we think greatly influences both our feeling ings and our behavior. The result is that the most prominent influence on our emotional and volitional struggles is not the painful things that happen to us in life, but what we say or think to ourselves concerning these things in our lives. In other words, while our circumstances can contribute, how we download our experiences, and most of all, what we tell ourselves about them is the most significant factor in our emotional lives. If we say or think hurtful or incorrect things about what happens to us, we are candidates for emotional pain.7
Along this line, consider the following thoughts by Christian psychologists:
Most of our unhappiness and emotional struggles are caused by the lies we tell ourselves.8
The bottom line is that we mold our emotional lives by the way we choose to think about what happens to us. To think otherwise is to be emotionally irresponsible. … How we respond is, after all, our choice alone.9
We have been taught to believe that our feelings and emotions are determined by the events in our lives. … The truth is that our emotions and behavior are not dependent on what is going on around us in our environment.10
[Two crucial principles:] 1. Our Thoughts Create Our Emotions, [and] 2. Our Thoughts Affect Our Behavior.11
What you think and believe determines how you feel and what you do.12
Misbeliefs are the direct cause of emotional turmoil, maladaptive behavior and most so-called “mental illness.”13
If the direction of these comments is accurate, then how we think about the things in our lives is more crucial to our health that the actual circumstances themselves, including what happens to us. This means that we could well be the cause of most of our own emotional pain! And if emotional pain is, as some claim, often the worst pain we will ever experience, then we may cause much if not most of the worst pain in our lives! That we can control this pain level is simply incredible.
Following this further, the real and sometimes difficult suffering of emotional doubters is perhaps (if not probably) the primary result of their own poor thinking strategies. In fact, changing their thinking will at least present a strong possibility of lessening that pain. Imagine that we may hold the key to our own suffering as expressed in our emotional doubt! The world around us may not change, but our assurance can remain in spite of our situations!
This is why a study of Christian evidences may be helpful but will usually not solve the issues or take away the pain of emotional doubt. It might be likened to taking the wrong medicine for what ails us: we often continue to hurt. Thus, knowing that Christianity is true can serve as a strong foundation to which we return; but to treat the emotional issues we must direct ourselves to what we tell ourselves. As we will see, not only are there several helpful action plans that will often promote substantial healing, but this entire process is thoroughly in line with the repeated emphasis of Scripture.
Developing Some Strategies for Treating Emotional Doubt
There is more than one way to deal with emotional doubt. As we have noted, we react to our thoughts; and if we think things that are untrue or hurtful, we ought not be surprised if these ideas cause us confusion and suffering.
One popular method is to identify the lies or misbeliefs that we tell ourselves, followed by our aggressively disputing them.14 Emotional doubters often repeat thoughts like these: “What if Christianity is false?” or, “What if I didn't say the right words when I decided to follow Christ?” or, “You know, I could arrive at the final judgment and hear Jesus tell me to depart from His presence.” When challenged about such beliefs, these doubters might retort, “I'm not being irrational. This is possible, isn't it? People can be mistaken. The Bible even says so.” But if the theory we have discussed above is true, these are precisely the sorts of comments that can cause us much pain. Persisting in these and other thoughts, then, adds more pain to our pain, literally increasing our level of discomfort.
Let's look at our examples. Often when I ask if doubters think that the facts of the Christian gospel are false, they respond, “No, not at all. I think that they are true. But what if they are untrue, anyway? What if we got it all wrong? It's possible, you know.” But even if this “what if” scenario is possible, is it probably true? The strongest evidences for Christianity are those that precisely confirm the gospel data, the center of our faith. By acknowledging their beliefs while still “what ifing” about them, these doubters are admitting that they are preferring possibilities to probabilities. But who bases life-and-death decisions on mere possibilities? If we did that, we'd never drive on the roads, never go out of our homes, or never even eat food! To favor this “what if” reasoning elsewhere, then, might actually mean favoring improbabilities as the guide to life!
To confront the lies in this first example, we can make a list of the historical facts that confirm the gospel. Then we can examine the differences between possibilities and probabilities and how we make potentially life-and-death decisions every day based on the facts. By so doing, we are arguing against the false assumptions of these doubts.
Or in the next two examples, is it likely that those who understand the gospel message and decide to trust the Lord, casting themselves on His mercy, do not find salvation? Does the New Testament support this sort of unhelpful reasoning? Just like today, we find repeatedly that when people heard the gospel message and responded in faith, they became believers and were counted among the elect.15 Sure, from time to time, we do hear that some of those who professed belief never meant it, but by far the most common scenario was the simple observation that those who believed had truly become Christians. We are not told that they did anything extraordinary or thought about the many possible meanings of their words. They simply believed and became Christians. This is significant.
Thus, one of the chief issues here is that the “supposals” of emotional doubters are irrational. Why? Of course the ideas behind these destructive thoughts may be possible. But preferring (barely?) possible scenarios to probable ones is neither rational, nor healthy, nor truthful, nor biblical. As we have said, you cannot make everyday life-and-death decisions by this method. Therefore, emotional doubters need to argue with themselves, engaging these unlikely scenarios in dialogue. They must contend with themselves forcefully that these thoughts are unlikely, even highly unlikely. No wonder these thoughts cause pain; they are simply untrue. Wonderfully, our emotions can serve here as truth detectors! Our God-given emotions sound off in pain when we attempt to base our lives on falsehoods.
One way to argue with ourselves is to dispute repeatedly: God is interested in our heart condition. Those who respond simply and sincerely, as children do, are saved. So when we understand the gospel message and do our best to trust the Lord in light of it, salvation is the normal result. This is the way it happened in the New Testament, and it is still the case today. Then truth needs to be practiced until it sticks. Thoughts to the contrary need to be cut off immediately and forcefully: “Stop it. All you are doing is being irrational and contributing to your own pain. Can you live like this in everyday life?”
This entire process begins only as we grow intimately attuned to our own thoughts. Whenever we tell ourselves things that are probably untrue, we need to catch them right away. This should be followed by a vigorous series of arguments against this idea. “That's not true because …” is the proper comeback, followed by several truthful rebuttals.16
In this way it is possible to weed out the thoughts at the root of our pain and discomfort. As Backus and Chapian assert, “You can change your emotions, you can be an adjusted and happy human being, no matter what you have experienced in your life and no matter what your circumstances are.”17
Besides disputing our false thoughts, we should apply other disciplines (both mental and physical) in their place, in order to correct our emotional musings. The apostle Paul provides an excellent example in Phil 4:6—9. To counteract our anxious thoughts, he suggests prayer, thanksgiving, and praise, along with exchanging our anxious thoughts for godly truths, and practicing these things.
In this text Paul does not tell us more specifically how to pray (v. 6). However, Peter explains that we ought to cast our anxious thoughts on God (1 Pet 5:7). Other biblical passages also tell us to pray through emotional times.18 Of course, the key is to leave these issues with the Lord!
Helpfully, Paul then says that we should offer thanksgiving (v. 6) and praise (v. 8) during these troubled occasions. In Scripture this is a common prescription.19 When lecturing on this topic, I usually pause at this point and ask the audience what they have observed whenever they give thanks or praise during a time of emotional upheaval. Voices proclaim variously that these practices help them to refocus their attention on the Lord, to realize their blessings, to place the area of upheaval into the broader context of their lives, or to step momentarily away from the issues. They report that the pain usually subsides, sometimes rather quickly. The answers are so unanimous in their liberating experience with praise and thanksgiving that I have definitely gained a new appreciation for these practices. I also wonder why we do not practice them more frequently and systematically.
Then Paul encourages the believer to replace his anxious thoughts with a variety of truthful substitutes (v. 8). As we have already noted, this is the same process that is encouraged by many contemporary counselors. It removes the poison from our minds. And it, too, is frequently commanded in Scripture.20 It seems that believers have simply not understood the power of biblically correct thinking and speaking. We cause pain in ourselves and others, sometimes without meaning to do so, due to our disobedience.
From the many biblical injunctions regarding treating our times of emotional distress, it seems clear that there is no specific, particular path that must be pursued, least of all in a particular order. The implication, then, is that believers are free to “mix and match” practices that both teach God's truths and at the same time relieve the emotional suffering that comes from this species of religious doubt.
Although we cannot discuss here some of the other disciplines that are helpful during times of emotional doubt, many other options exist. These include such avenues as corporate worship, meditation, memorizing appropriate Scripture texts especially for use during difficult times, keeping a journal, or talking with a friend.21 Like a many-faceted diamond, each path contains its own remedies for application to specific and personal situations. The key is to practice these truths.
Applying Truth to Stubborn Conditions
A few comments on the application of these procedures may be helpful. Especially since the topic of emotional religious doubt is so tricky, it is not likely that simply stating the above points will make them obvious. I would not want someone to stop pursuing the remedy because something did not seem to work the first or second time. Here are a few common “sticking points.”
1. Believers often report that they fail at precisely the initial point of locating their misbeliefs since they are so often unaware of these ideas. Role-playing with these doubters frequently confirms their observations. After all, we are not used to disputing our own thinking because we accept it so readily!
One helpful suggestion is to begin not by looking for the lies themselves but to become attuned to sudden changes in our mental outlook throughout the day. As the old saying goes, “Where there's smoke, there's fire.” So after the “pain alarm” sounds and we notice our emotional mind-set, we should immediately pause and ask ourselves: “What did I just say to myself?” or, “What was I just thinking?” It will probably take some time to get used to it, but after practice it should grow easier and easier to get back to our original thought. When we do, that is precisely the time to pounce on the lies, as pointed out above.
2. How do we handle truthful thoughts that seem to cause us pain—such as might come after we really do flunk an exam, lose our job, or get sick? In these cases the external situation might be true, but what we tell ourselves about the situation is still false. And the latter causes most of the pain. So it is here that we must protest.
For example, it is still untrue that these actual events caused most of our emotions. So to blame our resulting emotional states on the actual events is still a case of mistaken identity! We must dispute the mistaken portion of the situation, which most likely caused the majority of the pain. When we flunked the exam, we may have added to our thinking that we must be stupid. Or, if we got fired, we probably won't achieve our life goals. Or if we are sick, we'll probably die, and that's the worst thing that can ever happen to me.
We must detect the lies in our thinking. Really being sick is not the lie. But telling ourselves that we will probably die and that is the worst thing that can happen are lies. First, only one sickness ever ends in our death! But we seldom take the time to reflect on this afterwards. We repeat the worst; and then when we get better, we acknowledge, that wasn't so bad after all. But in the meantime, our misbeliefs may have caused ourselves (and perhaps others) a lot of pain.
Second, even dying is by no means the worst thing that can happen to us. To spend eternity apart from the Lord is far, far worse. As Paul does in 2 Cor 4:16—18, then, we must reinforce the truth of eternity by meditating on God's truth, for it is far better than earthly life (see also Phil 1:21—23). So while life can still hurt, eternal life needs to be celebrated. This truth must sink deeply into our minds (Col 3:2).
In these examples it is not the truth that hurts. It's the untruth that lurks in the shadows and gets inserted so quickly afterwards that we seldom even notice the shift. We do not even have to say the actual words to ourselves. Simply thinking a few things in “code” will often suffice to cause the pain when we know what those simple words mean. Thus, “Oh, no …” or, “Here we go again …” can certainly set off the painful reaction. Mental images can do it, too. We can think far faster than we speak, and we usually know what we mean by these loaded phrases and images.22
3. What if, once the misbelief is discovered, we are not good at arguing with ourselves? In this case it might be helpful to take a sheet of paper and divide the page into two sections. Whenever we detect a lie, we can number it and record it in the left column. On the right side, corresponding to that lie, we can number as many points of refutation as we can detect for that particular untruth. Ideally, every lie on the left will be refuted by several points down the right side. We are looking for strong reasons that specific misbelief is false. Adding other lies and their corresponding refutations to this list can provide a helpful reference that will presumably be helpful during these and other times of doubt.23
4. Earlier we mentioned a common, often agonizing, question that frequently nags at emotional doubters. “How do I know that I really do believe in the Lord?” We must ask an amazingly simply question at this point. Do we normally worry most of all about things that are unimportant to us? For example, does the health of people we do not even know matter more to us than the health of our own children? Here emotional doubters have revealed too much of their own heart's desire. That their faith may be the most crucial item in their lives betrays the fact that they are most likely deeply in love with the Lord. Thus, their repeated worries provide one of the best reasons to think that they are actually believers!
5. An additional hint is that the more forceful we are with ourselves in disputing our misbeliefs, the more likely it is that we will react properly to our own directions. In other words, soft words and halting convictions while arguing with ourselves will often produce diminished effects.24 We might even convince ourselves in reverse, thereby deepening our pain! As in everyday life, more forceful statements and unwavering convictions will be heeded far more frequently! Preaching to ourselves can be helpful here.
One suggestion is that, when we dispute our lies, we could imagine taking both hands, grabbing our collar, and pulling ourselves close, so that we can speak directly in our own face! Then we may be more willing to listen. Our questions might include, “Do you hear me? Yes, I'm talking to you!” or, “What, exactly, is the basis for that baloney? Where did you ever get that crazy idea?” Though it may sound comical, we need to get our own attention!
6. When do we most need to practice this truth-telling? It makes sense to apply the techniques most rigorously when we are in the most pain. But this is also the time when it will probably be the most difficult to apply these truths, due to the amount of distraction during those emotional moments. So we need to learn the techniques before we really need them. Therefore, the next best time to practice truth-telling is when we do not need it as much since if we know ourselves, we will realize the likelihood that, given our personality, doubt will most likely rear its head from time to time.
Therefore, the process should be learned and practiced as part of the normal course of spiritual and healthy living. Additional lessons can be applicable to a wide range of situations.
Conclusion
We have said that emotional doubt is probably the most common and the most painful species of religious uncertainty. Sometimes it simply demands our attention. The many unexpected twists and turns related to this topic further complicate the healing process. But it can often or even usually be treated in a manner that can at least reduce, if not substantially heal, its most painful aspects. The key is the regular practice of any number of disciplines that not only divert our attention but which also get at the roots of the doubt by replacing the misbeliefs with truth. The lies need to be uprooted forcefully and removed one by one, while the firm application of truth promotes healing.
The key is to practice the truth. It may take some time. But the result of regularly and forcefully practicing God's truth as the antidote to our erroneous thinking can bring the peace that the Bible promises so readily (Isa 26:3; 32:17; Phil 4:7,9).
1 For a discussion of these and other incorrect comments on the subject of religious doubt, see Gary Habermas, Dealing with Doubt (Chicago: Moody, 1990), 12—19 and Gary Habermas, The Thomas Factor: Using Your Doubts to Grow Closer to God (Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1999), chapter 2.
2 See C. S. Lewis's comments about his doubts while he was an atheist in Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan, 1952), 123.
3 Since human nature combines factual, emotional, and volitional elements, among others, doubt is frequently a case of mixing and matching different issues and causes. So more than one area of turmoil may well be present. Still it is necessary for the pastor or friend to pick out the most prominent source(s), and work on that.
4 For many details that cannot be discussed here, see my two books on this subject, Dealing with Doubt and The Thomas Factor. Both texts are available without charge on my Web site: www.garyhabermas.com.
5 Please note that I am not a psychologist, a counselor, or a psychiatrist. Thus, this treatment is not psychological or psychiatric but pastoral and biblical.
6 Some of these works include the following: William Backus and Marie Chapian, Telling Yourself the Truth (Minneapolis: Bethany, 2000); William Backus and Marie Chapian, Why Do I Do What I Don't Want to Do? (Minneapolis: Bethany, 1984); William Backus, Telling the Truth to Troubled People (Minneapolis: Bethany, 1985); William Backus, The Good News about Worry (Minneapolis: Bethany, 1991); Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy, Attachments: Why You Love, Feel and Act the Way You Do (Brentwood, N.J.: Integrity, 2002); Gary Collins, The Biblical Basis of Christian Counseling for People Helpers: Relating the Basic Teachings of Scripture to People's Problems (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1993); David Stoop, You Are What You Think (Grand Rapids: Revell, 1996); Chris Thurman, The Lies We Believe (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1989).
7 For example, Backus and Chapian, Telling Yourself the Truth, chapters 1—3 (esp. pp. 9, 27); Stoop, You Are What You Think, esp. chapters 2—3; Thurman, The Lies We Believe, esp. chapters 1—2.
8 Thurman, The Lies We Believe, 22. In Thurman, for emphasis, this sentence was printed throughout in uppercase letters.
9 Ibid., 54.
10 Stoop, You Are What You Think, 28.
11 Ibid., 35.
12 Backus and Chapian, Telling Yourself the Truth, 22 (their emphasis).
13 Ibid., 17.
14 Scripture often affirms that pain and other negative circumstances result from improper statements or beliefs. Conversely, blessings result from speaking the truth, both to ourselves and to others. See Ps 39:2; Prov 10:21; 12:18,25; 18:21; 26:20,22; Rom 1:25; 1 Cor 10:12; Jas 1:13-17; 4:1-8; cf. Eph 5:19.
15 1 Cor 1:6; 12:27; 15:1-2; Gal 3:26; Eph 1:13-14; Col 1:6; 1 Thess 1:4; 5:5; 2 Thess 1:10; 2:13-17; 1 Pet 5:4,10; 2 Pet 1:5-11; 1 John 5:13.
16 For other specific suggestions on how to confront various lies, see Habermas, The Thomas Factor, chapter 6.
17 Backus and Chapian, Telling Yourself the Truth, 24 (their emphasis).
18 For examples, see Pss 34:4-8; 55:4-8,16-17,22; 57:2-3; 94:18-19; 119:145-147; Eph 6:18; cf. Matt 7:7-11; 1 Thess 5:17.
19 Some instances include Pss 30:4-5; 42:5,11; 43:5; 56:4,10-11; Eph 5:20; 1 Thess 5:16,18.
20 See Pss 39:2; 56:3-4; 73:26; 119:148; 143:3-6; Prov 14:30; 15:13,15b; 17:22; Lam 3:19-24; Rom 12:1-2; Col 3:1-2.
21 For more than a dozen suggestions of mental and physical disciplines that can be applied to emotional doubt, see Habermas, The Thomas Factor, chapters 7—8.
22 Stoop, You Are What You Think, 30-31.
23 Thurman, The Lies We Believe, should be helpful in providing such lists because he arranges chapters 2—6 and especially appendixes A and B by providing many truths that counter particular lies.
24 Windy Dryden and Raymond DiGiuseppe, A Primer on Rational-Emotive Therapy (Champaign, Ill.: Research Press, 1990), 49, 57, 86-87, 91.