14. Giving Our Children the Best We Know
chapter fourteen
Giving Our Children the Best We Know
Nearly 40 years ago an elderly Christian woman in Wyckoff, New Jersey, began a lonely 18-year prayer vigil. She lived near a busy high school and often watched the teenagers come and go. One of the most difficult boys, she knew from her observations, was a kid named George. Dorothea Clapp began to pray daily for his conversion. Then she sent him a copy of the Gospel of John.
Two years later he received Christ as his Savior.
As he began to grow as a Christian, Mrs. Clapp prayed for his spiritual development and talked with him. Then George began to witness to his classmates. Over 125 came to Christ as a result! Later as a college student, George made trips into Mexico with a group of friends who shared his heart for the lost.
Gradually the Lord expanded the vision of these young people to include nearly 60 other countries. Eventually their zeal led others to fan out across the world and start youth mission movements in many nations. One of the teams came to India and visited my village when I was 16—the barefoot boy unable to read or write English. The team challenged me to take the Gospel north to the lost millions of Rajasthan, the Punjab and the Himalayas.
Today, as a result of the vision the Lord placed in my heart during that time, Gospel for Asia is able to sponsor thousands of full-time missionaries in more than 10 unreached nations. And mine is only one of many lives that have been touched.
The young man’s name, of course, was George Verwer. As a result of Mrs. Clapp’s prayer and interest in his salvation, millions have heard the Gospel through Operation Mobilization. And out of OM hundreds of alumni have started churches and missions in many parts of the world.
Giving by Example
What if Mrs. Clapp had not taken the time to pray daily for George? What if she had not witnessed to him and encouraged him?
A whole generation of young people today is looking for examples. Believe me, they will find someone to imitate. If we as parents and concerned believers do not accept the challenge, our children will find someone else.
When our daughter, Sarah, was seven, she wanted to iron like her mother, so Gisela bought her a toy iron. But that was not what Sarah had in mind! She wanted to use an iron that got hot. That was the problem, of course. But finally Gisela began to teach her to iron, showing her how to be careful not to get burned, and Sarah caught on surprisingly quickly. Before long she was excited to be ironing her own school clothes.
Then Sarah wanted to chop vegetables with the big kitchen knife—again, like her mother. Finally Gisela, supervising her closely, let her chop carrots with a small paring knife, but she knew the bigger knife would come in time. Our little girl was learning by imitation.
The younger generation today is faced with a choice: to follow the Lord with all their hearts or to live for themselves like the rest of the world. One of the greatest tragedies parents can experience is watching their children make wrong choices. It grieves me that multitudes of kids today are headed down the wrong road. Why are they so attracted to the values of this world and show little or no interest in spiritual matters?
Perhaps for part of the answer we need to look at ourselves. As parents, youth leaders or simply friends, we in the Body of Christ need to present an example before our children that they will want to follow.
I will never forget my experience at a youth group meeting where I shared my heart with a sizable group of highschoolers and presented the challenge of world evangelization. As I closed the meeting, I appealed to them to consider the claims of Jesus and make a decision about His Lordship in their own lives. During a time of prayer, I asked for a show of hands from those who were ready to share the Lord’s heart for the world by giving their lives to reach the lost. I was astounded to discover that not one single young man or woman was willing to make that commitment. No one even spoke to me afterward.
I soon got a clue as to why those young people were so indifferent to the claims of Christ on their lives.
Following the meeting, the youth director offered to drive me back to my room. He led me out into the parking lot to his luxurious sports car. As I sank into the rich leather seat, I was enveloped with loud music coming from the high-tech tape-player. The dashboard and controls reminded me of an airplane cockpit. We took off like a rocket.
“Don’t worry,” he smiled. “I have everything under control.”
But as we proceeded to zoom down the road, I was not so sure. I felt ill at ease for a reason that had nothing to do with our speed.
A single young man in his late twenties, the youth director chatted amiably with me about his career goals and plans. His remarks were sometimes serious, sometimes filled with ridicule—a mixture of flesh and Spirit that contradicted each other from one moment to the next. Our conversation did not reassure me that he understood about surrender to Christ or the importance of a personal devotional and prayer life.
Then I realized the main reason the youth of this church were so indifferent to the things of God. Here was a youth director who was barely more mature in the Lord than the young people he was hired to lead.
That young man was undoubtedly chosen by the church leadership because he was popular with the youth. He planned a full round of social activities for them and kept them busy all the time. I am sure the parents and leadership of the church reasoned that this young man was earning the respect of the youth. They probably believed he had many chances to talk to them about the things of the Lord.
But what kind of witness and example did he offer? His pattern of life, as far as I could tell from my brief time at the church, was committed not to the things of God but to the ways of the world.
The Law of Spiritual Reproduction
Most youth directors, I am sure, are not like this young man. I thank God for those who have taken their call seriously and are serving as unto the Lord. But the most basic rule in the propagation of any species—and in discipleship as well—is that like begets like.
Unfortunately, it does not take many hours of traveling to come across parents, pastors, youth directors and others in leadership who practice a worldly lifestyle before multitudes of children and young people, who are soaking up their example like sponges.
One young man in particular comes to mind. Let’s call him John. His story is true. What happened to him occurs too often in our churches today.
As a high school student he heard the call for world evangelization at a summer youth camp. He came home and announced to his churchgoing parents that he was giving his life for missions. For a while they did not treat his new vision for the world too seriously. They were impressed by his newfound zeal for the Lord but were certain he would give up the idea in time.
But John didn’t grow out of it—at least not at first. As he approached his final year in high school, he began ordering information not from respectable colleges but from Bible schools. His parents started to panic. Was he really thinking of going to one of those unaccredited institutes? What good would that do him in the real world?
So John’s parents met with their pastor and asked him to help their son see that he was throwing his life away by thinking about full-time missions. The pastor agreed to meet with John and invited him over to his office for career counseling.
“You know, John,” the pastor told him gently, “I was just like you when I first heard the call to the ministry. In fact, at first I wanted to go into missions, too. But I learned—and you will, too—that if God is really calling you to do something like that, there’s plenty of time. Your mom and dad are right to be concerned that you get a good education first. If your missionary service doesn’t work out for one reason or another, then you’ll always have something secure to fall back on.”
The pastor went on to stress family concerns: “Have you thought about your future wife and the children you may someday have? Have you given any consideration to the emotional and physical adjustments they would have to make to a harsher way of life?”
Then the pastor explained some of the other risks and dangers involved in a missions career, pointing to the diplomas hanging on his own walls. “Get a good education first, John. I suggest you enroll in the best liberal arts college you can. Then, if you’re really serious, you can go on to a good seminary and get your master’s of divinity, or even a doctorate. You also need some experience working in our churches here at home. I have connections in other churches, and you can count on me to help you. Then, if you still want to go into missions, you’ll know it’s the real thing.”
It made sense to John. Everyone he knew was giving him the same sort of “slow down” advice. Besides, his girlfriend’s parents were opposed to the idea of his becoming a missionary. They were respectable people and did not want their daughter to have just a Bible school education or marry someone who did not have “a regular job.” John figured that if he went to college first, she could enroll, too, with the help of her family, and the two would not have to be separated. He also figured this would give her some time to see how important the missions call was on his life.
John wrote to several missions organizations that year, since he was still planning to go overseas for short-term missions work as a summer volunteer. But after a year on campus he decided to switch to a business major. Everyone said that was where the future was in society. After that he never found the time to go overseas, not even short-term.
His girlfriend soon enrolled at the same college. They married when she was in her third year. Two years later the marriage ended in bitter divorce.
John’s parents were heartbroken and realized that their interference had taken their son away from God’s plan for his life and put him on a fast track to nowhere— at least nowhere for the kingdom of God. But by then John was already pursuing a graduate degree. There was no more talk of the Lord and the mission field now; he was too busy sending his résumé to top business firms.
Today John is in a successful business, remarried and building a comfortable life for his family, complete with debt, a lavishly furnished house, two cars and a boat. To pay the bills, both he and his wife work. He still claims to be born again and attends church when it does not interfere with his career.
Where Do Things Go Wrong?
In our churches today we find millions of men and women just like John. In their young, formative years they heard the call of God on their lives but were not given the direction they needed to respond properly.
There is no guarantee, of course, that without his parents’ intervention John would have gone into missions. It is futile to ask, “What if?” Yet still I wonder. Perhaps John’s burden for the lost would have resulted in his staying home after all and becoming a sender rather than a goer.
But today John is neither.
The world is ready to offer substitutes to our children: security, prestige, wealth, power—and ineffectiveness for the kingdom of God. But it does not have to be that way.
Where do things go wrong? They go wrong in our churches and youth group meetings, but first they go wrong in our homes. If we model for our children a lifestyle that is consistent with what we believe, I assure you we can reach the next generation for Christ.
Once, while we were visiting South Asia, our son, Daniel, only three at the time, was attracted to a baby girl crawling around on the stones outside. He tried to take a picture of her with his toy camera. Instead, we placed them side by side and took a picture of them together with our real camera.
As I look at that picture today, I notice not only the little girl’s torn and dirty dress but an amulet tied around her neck with a string. Her parents had given her that amulet, hoping it would protect her from evil spirits.
Today I look at my children and am amazed how much they have grown. How fast time has flown since the days when they toddled around the house! Gisela and I love them dearly, and there is no doubt we want the very best for them.
Those parents loved their little girl as well and wanted the best for her. Unfortunately, the best they knew was an amulet to ward off evil spirits. They did not know that all the evil in the world has already been defeated at the cross, and that Christ died and rose again so that all might be saved.
More than half the population of India is made up of children under the age of 16. The little girl we saw that day is one of millions of children who may never hear about Jesus before they die.
I tell you this in all seriousness: What you and I give to our children today will determine what they and future generations will receive.
Imparting God’s Heart to Our Children
In light of this reality, I want to offer five suggestions that will help you impart a burden for the lost world to the children and young people in your life. Your life, rather than your words, will be their greatest teacher.
Teach Them from Early On to Love Jesus above All Others
We expect certain routine things from our children. We expect them to bathe, brush their teeth, go to school, do their homework. These are not unreasonable demands; we see them as a basic part of living.
But when it comes to prayer and spiritual things, we slack up a bit. After all, we do not want to force our children into legalism or bondage. What we fail to realize is that making Jesus part of a child’s everyday life is even more basic to living than learning to brush your teeth!
My daughter, Sarah, had an opportunity to experience this recently. To her dismay she found a wart growing on her arm. It showed no signs of stopping and embarrassed her terribly. She began to wear a Band-Aid over the wart to cover it up.
Gisela sat down with her one day.
“Sarah,” she said, “I want to tell you something. Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus healed people before and He can heal us now. He answers prayer—you know that, Sarah. He has answered many of your prayers.”
“Yes, Mommy, I know,” Sarah replied. “But this?”
“Sarah, Jesus can answer your prayer and take your wart away, too.”
“You really mean that, Mommy?”
“Yes, Sarah, I really mean that.”
So Gisela and Sarah prayed together and asked Jesus to remove the wart from Sarah’s arm.
“Sarah,” Gisela told her, “from today on you will begin to see that wart getting smaller and smaller. Soon it will dry up and fall off.”
So they began to watch Sarah’s arm day after day and saw the wart shrivel up slowly in answer to their prayer.
A few weeks later I was in my study working on something when Gisela came in. Sarah followed with a shy grin on her face.
“Sarah,” her mother said, “why don’t you tell Daddy what happened?”
Sarah rolled up her sleeve, smiling even bigger. The wart had disappeared! Jesus had answered her prayer.
What a wonderful way for her to see that Jesus is interested in every part of our lives! When your children ask you for new clothes or the newest style of shoes, take the opportunity to say, “Why don’t we ask Jesus about it?” Teach them to take their requests and desires to Him. If our children learn from the start to put Jesus before everything and everyone, they will pray about decisions and come to Him with the smallest request or concern. And later they will be freed from impure relationships and ungodly marriages.
We looked already at Jesus’ words from Luke 14:26: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.” Let nothing come between your children and their relationship with Jesus.
Teach Them to Die to Themselves
Daniel had been eyeing a special toy for quite some time. He had finally saved up enough money, and it was only a matter of going to the store and making the purchase. But he came to me and said, “Daddy, I decided not to buy that toy.”
“Why, Daniel?” I asked, puzzled.
“Last night after you prayed with me, I thought about the toy, and I thought about the thousands of people in India who don’t have a Bible. I want my money to go to buy Bibles to give to those people.”
Why did my son make a choice like that? Neither Gisela nor I forced him into that decision. It was simply because, by the grace of God, he had seen in our lives what we believed and lived for.
“If anyone would come after me,” Jesus said, “he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). Jesus made it clear that death to our dreams, hopes, expectations and fears is the qualification for any Christian.
There is an unwritten rule in today’s society, by contrast, that if we let our children face the disappointments and dashed hopes that come in this world, we must be poor parents. Even in the Christian subculture we are taught to push our children to make goals and meet them, to pursue dreams and satisfy the desires of a fleshly heart.
But what does Jesus ask of us? To die to it all. He does not want us to fit Him into our busy schedules. He wants us to come to Him without plans, goals or agendas but with an open calendar, an open life, ready for Him to arrange our schedule as He sees fit in the work of the kingdom.
Did you know that pursuing the values set by our culture is a learned attitude? We can teach our children to unlearn those values as well. Or we can provide an atmosphere at home in which they never learn them in the first place. When children see their parents approach each day with a fresh dependence on the Lord for their plans and hopes, they, too, will learn to take up their cross daily.
Teach Them to Forsake All
“Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple,” said Jesus (Luke 14:33).
In a world dominated by ever-increasing materialism, no command seems harder to accept than this one. Citizens of some of the most affluent nations in the history of the human race still cannot be satisfied with what they have. We live in an age in which the acquisition of wealth and financial security has become a national pastime. But the love of material goods—including clothing, homes, insurance, properties, automobiles, even recreational toys— is one of the greatest hindrances to world evangelism.
Our attitude as parents and leaders will influence how our children see the “things” that everyone else runs after. Jesus asks us to forsake all if we want to follow Him. But before our children are able to do so, we must set the example.
Teach Them to Live a Life of Discipleship
For many, being born again is the end of their spiritual life, not the beginning. Many fail to understand—and fail to teach their children—that the Christian walk is an ongoing experience of daily submission to the Lord.
Walking with Jesus is not an easy road. He calls us to follow in His footsteps—but He was mocked, beaten and ultimately killed. Unless children and young people learn early on what this means, they will be blown away when the first fiery trial of their faith comes. These realities of the Christian life are taught on every page of the New Testament, but somehow we have managed to lock them away.
Young people who are serious about following Jesus need to understand that persecution and misunderstanding come to those who put Christ first. Suffering comes with the job. Sacrifice will always be needed if we are to reach the unreached with the Gospel.
I do an enormous amount of traveling. This means, of course, that I am often gone from home, and Gisela bears much of the responsibility for parenting Daniel and Sarah. To this day my children have never heard their mother grumble about my being gone. When they are sad or when they complain themselves, she draws them close and says, “It’s our privilege to send Daddy out so that Jesus can use him to help reach the lost.”
While we all feel the pain of this sacrifice Gisela and I have chosen to make, my children are not bitter.
Train Them to Share with Others About Jesus
Young people can develop a burden for the lost at an early age simply by reaching out to those around them who do not know the Lord. They can learn to reach out to friends at school and in the neighborhood. They can work with the deacons in your church to call on the sick, become involved in prison ministries and visit those who are in need. They can accompany parents or youth leaders on short-term mission trips to nearby needy areas.
But remember, the best training for witnessing comes from you. As they observe you in your daily life, interacting with unsaved neighbors and friends, your children will learn to share the love of Jesus as well.
Make good use of available resources and materials. Obtain a world map and put it up in a prominent location in your home. Begin to pray as a family for missionaries you know about. Ask the Lord to direct your giving. Read together from missionary biographies. There are numerous wonderful volumes available on the lives of men and women like Amy Carmichael, Jim Elliot, Sadhu Sundar Singh, Hudson Taylor, William Carey and many others. Books like Operation World list prayer needs for each country of the world. The children’s version of this wonderful book, titled You Can Change the World, is another excellent tool. Encourage your children to pray personally for a specific country or ethnic group.
Obtain the names and addresses of the missionaries your church supports. Make it a family project to learn about the countries they live and work in. Learn as much about their lives and needs as possible. Take the opportunity to invite visiting missionaries to your home. Gather your children around you and encourage them to ask as many questions as possible. Above all, pray for those missionaries.
Don’t Let Them Miss Out
The other day Daniel was getting ready to go with some of his friends to a free Christian music concert. He was not planning to take any money, but when I heard it was free I told him, “Son, you should at least take five dollars for the offering. It may be free to you, but someone has to pay for it.”
Then I added, “Daniel, maybe you should take a little more money, too, in case you find a T-shirt, or in case of an emergency.”
My son’s response stopped me in my tracks.
“Daddy,” he said, “I don’t want to take any more money. I’m not going to buy anything. I know other kids buy those things, but it’s just a waste of my money—I don’t want it.”
I knew, since I know Daniel, that his statement was not a casual one.
Don’t underestimate your children’s ability to understand the reality of the lost world. Give them the opportunity to experience what you are living for. Live your life before them, coming to the Lord daily and depending on His strength and grace to be an example they will follow and imitate. Commit yourself to praying daily for your children, that the Lord will save them and call them to serve Him.
There is an abundance of material things that we can give to our children. But these are no better than the amulet tied around that little girl’s neck. The best thing we can give them is Jesus. Teach your children about His love and His heart. Teach them to follow Him, to lay down their lives to reach the lost. Don’t let your children miss out on the best you can offer them.