73Part 2 Thriving in Family: “Withing”
Part 2
Thriving in Family:
“Withing”
Withing: a family’s growth in supporting each other as children grow more independent.
It’s not that you don’t want your kid to become independent. You just want to stay connected in the process.
One day she seems content to hang out with you. The next she is too busy. (And even if she weren’t busy, you aren’t sure she would want to.)
Some days you think you’re tracking with him. Other days you wonder whose child he really is.
Enter withing.
At the heart of withing beats this truth: independence doesn’t mean total separation. The goal of mature independence is really interdependence: learning that we were made for relationships—made to rely on others’ presence and support in our lives, and to offer our presence and support in return. This healthy interdependence doesn’t form overnight; it takes seasons of recognizing when we need each other more and when we need each other less, as our relationships change over time.
In chapters 3 and 4, we offer you practical steps to strengthen your withing bonds with your child on both an everyday basis and when those connections feel stretched. Our hope is that you’ll gain all sorts of ideas that help you fight for your child, not against them.
A prayer:
Jesus, we love our kids even more than we imagined we would. But sometimes we want to keep them overdependent on us and on the relationship we had when they were younger. We confess that it feels safer that way. As they gain wings, show us how our relationship can remain rooted without smothering. Prune away our selfishness, our insecurities, and our drive for control that fuel our fears rather than inspire our hope. May our love for our children mirror your unconditional love for us. And may this perfect love drive out all fear while drawing us and others to you.