I’m afailure: what use can Ibe to God?
7
Doubts about yourself
A second group of anxieties centres on our own relationship with God, and especially our adequacy as Christians. Some Christians find it difficult to have any confidence in themselves. As a result, they find it hard to enter into Christian life in all its fullness, with both its privileges and responsibilities. Unease over whether you really are a Christian, uncertainty over your abilities, or anxiety concerning your inadequacies – all these can induce a kind of mental and spiritual paralysis, preventing you from developing and growing in faith and obedience. I hope the present chapter will alleviate some of these anxieties.
I’m not sure I am a Christian
This doubt is often experienced by people who have become Christians recently. How, they may ask, can they know they are Christians? Is there something they can point to that proves they really have been accepted by God? Is there some visible sign that proves they have entered the kingdom of God? The early stage of faith is often a vulnerable period, and it is not uncommon for Christians in their first stage of development to feel anxious about their relationship with God.
Don’t rely on your feelings. In the following section, we shall explore further how your feelings can sometimes be unreliable as a guide to your standing with God. Your feelings are tied up with many things, as well as your relationship with God. You may feel far from God on account of anxiety over your career, your work, a personal relationship or financial difficulties. All of these can easily spill over into your perception of your relationship with God.
Instead, rely on the promises of God. These are outside you, independent of your feelings and anxieties. Your feelings are subjective; God’s promises are objective. They don’t depend on your feelings. For example, look at God’s promise to Joshua (Joshua 1:9). God promises to be with Joshua wherever he goes. He doesn’t promise to be with Joshua on condition Joshua feels he is present! The promise of the presence of God is unconditional. Learn to mistrust your feelings at this point. ‘Be still, and know that I am God!’ (Psalm 46:10). We ought to ground our faith in the promises of God recorded in Scripture, and confirmed in Jesus Christ – not the way we feel.
What sorts of promises might these be? We shall look at three classes of promise in a moment. In one sense, these promises are conditional: they depend upon you having repented of your sins, and turned to God in faith. Faith is saying ‘Yes!’ to God, learning to trust in him, to know him better, and to be obedient to him. Are you doing that? Remember that the Greek word usually translated as ‘repent’ has the basic meaning of ‘turn round’. You must turn round to face God (how many people spend their lives running away from him?), admitting your sins and accepting God’s offer of forgiveness and eternal life. That can be painful and difficult, for it involves admitting our need for God. Think of God offering you a gift. To receive it, you must stretch out your hand and receive it. The offer is real, as is the gift; your acceptance of the offer must be real as well. And if you have accepted that offer, then you are a Christian. The promises of God are yours.
First, there is the promise that God, while detesting sin, loves sinners. ‘God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8). The full extent of this love is revealed in the cross of Christ. Jesus died in order to convince and assure us of the tender love of God for us sinners (John 3:16), and thus to bring us home to God. Some people feel they are too deeply immersed in their sin to be loved by God; the New Testament happens to take a very different view, affirming that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ (Romans 8:31–39). God’s purpose and power to defeat sin are revealed in the cross. To suggest or imagine your sin is somehow worse than anyone else’s is to deny God the opportunity to break its power in your life. Try to imagine the situation Paul found himself in. How could God love him, when he had persecuted the church of God? If anyone ever felt convinced of sin and personal inadequacy, that person was Paul. Yet he was able to draw on the tender mercy of God towards sinners, and to speak of the remarkable effects of God’s grace in his life (1 Corinthians 15:9–10).
There is a story told about the Scottish pastor and writer John Duncan that is relevant here. Duncan was conducting a service of Holy Communion in a local Church of Scotland parish. When he came to administer the wine to the congregation, a 16-year-old girl refused to accept it. She motioned with her hand, indicating she did not feel able to share in the cup. Realizing the girl felt unworthy to receive it, Duncan reached out, laid his arm on her shoulder, and said, ‘Take it lassie. It’s meant for us sinners.’ The wine is a symbol of God’s forgiveness of sins through the death of Christ – real forgiveness of real sins. To recognize the full extent of your sinfulness is not to disqualify yourself from the grace of God – it is to indicate how much you need it.
Second, we are promised forgiveness of sins. (1 John 1:9). To become a Christian is to set the past behind us, and to go forward into eternal life in the presence of the God who loved us, and gave his only Son for us. Through the cross, the burden of our sin is taken from us by Christ, and his righteousness becomes ours (2 Corinthians 5:21). This promise of forgiveness, however, doesn’t merely concern the beginning of your life as a Christian. You don’t stop sinning when you become a Christian! Rather, you begin a long and hard struggle against sin. It can be very difficult at times. You will often feel you have let God down. But learn to trust in God’s immense kindness and tenderness: ask his forgiveness of these sins, and start out all over again. Being a Christian isn’t easy, as the New Testament stresses. All of us find it difficult going at times, which is why the news that God forgives us for our shortcomings and weaknesses is such good news.
Third, we are promised that God will stand by us in our lives as Christians. He will never leave us nor forsake us (John 10:28). He is with us always (Matthew 28:20). No matter how we may feel, God has promised to remain with us. He is the shepherd who guides and guards us; who journeys with us, consoling us with his presence (Psalm 23). There is no small print here, qualifying this promise! God promises himself to all those who turn to him in faith.
Have you turned to God in faith and repentance? If you have, these promises concern you. You may feel your faith is weak. But, as stressed throughout this book, faith is like a plant – it is something that grows. The weakness and fragility of its early stages give way to the strength and maturity of its later phases. Some seeds germinate more rapidly than others, just as some plants grow more quickly than others. Be patient! Remember, a house built quickly is usually a house built badly – it won’t survive! After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. This slow and gradual growth in faith reflects human weakness and fragility, not any inability on God’s part. God knows what we are like, and how best to handle us. As Paul stresses (1 Corinthians 3:10–13), the Christian life is built securely upon a reliable foundation. If the seed of faith is firmly planted, it will grow – despite its initial fragility and vulnerability. The important thing is not that your faith is strong, but that you have faith! Like Paul, you can be ‘confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion’ (Philippians 1:6, NIV; cf. 2 Peter 1:3–4).
You may worry your faith is weak. Yet your salvation doesn’t depend upon the strength of your faith, but upon the power of the one in whom you believe. The great Scottish preacher and hymn-writer of the nineteenth century, Horatio Bonar, knew doubt at first hand, and wrote some words that may be helpful here:
With a weak faith and a fearful heart, many a sinner stands before the Lord. It is not the strength of our faith, but the perfection of Christ’s sacrifice that saves! No feebleness of faith, nor dimness of eye, no trembling of hand can change the efficacy of Christ’s blood. The strength of our faith can add nothing to it, nor can the weakness of our faith take anything from Him. Faith (weak or strong) still reads the promise, ‘the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.’ If at times my eye is so dim that I cannot read these words, through blinding tears or bewildering trials, faith rests itself on the certain knowledge of the fact that THE PROMISE IS THERE, and the blood of Christ remains in all its power and suitableness upon the altar, unchanged and unaffected.
Be assured that God has done everything necessary for your salvation, and has done it well. Your salvation doesn’t depend upon your personal merit, or your activity, or even the strength of your faith. God offers you his salvation – real salvation – as a gift. You are being asked to receive it, to accept it and make it your own. Julian of Norwich, a medieval English nun, wrote a fascinating book entitled Revelations of Divine Love, in which she stated, ‘the one thing that matters is that we always say Yes to God when we experience him’. Say ‘Yes!’ – and all God is and all he means can be yours. Two illustrations may prove helpful.
Imagine that you are in a darkened room. Outside, the sunlight is beaming down. However, there is a shutter in front of the window, preventing the light entering. You can open that shutter. By doing so, you are removing the only remaining obstacle to the light of the sun, and allowing it to illuminate the room. You are not being asked to undertake the mammoth task of generating the heat and light of the sun – that has all been taken care of for you. Your sole task – but a task only you can do – is to remove an obstacle to its passage. It is a relatively small task, but an essential one. If you have anxieties about whether you really are a Christian, ask yourself whether there are any remaining obstacles to God. Are you holding back from him? Ask God to illuminate your life with his light, and throw open wide the shutters of your heart. Ask him to come in, and make him welcome as your guest and master.
Or imagine a giant hydroelectric system, like the Hoover Dam. Think of the enormous power of countless millions of gallons of water, cascading down to drive the great generators that power nearby cities. That power is available, at the throw of a switch. It can be yours. You don’t have to generate it yourself: that has been done for you. It is something on which you can rely. But you must connect to it. Think of your repentance and acceptance of God’s forgiveness as being like throwing a switch, which allows power to surge into your life. Have you thrown that switch? If so, all else has been done for you, and you can rest assured God is working within your life, slowly but surely. To be a Christian is to trust in the promises of God, and be obedient to him. You may not feel God is present – but your feelings are not necessarily reliable. This point is so important that we shall consider it in more detail now.
I don’t experience God as being present in my life
Many Christians, especially those who have experienced a dramatic conversion experience, begin with a very strong sense of God’s closeness. God seems very near and very real. The whole world seems to vibrate with his presence. There is a sense in which all of creation seems to tingle with the glory of God. After a while, however, this experience of the presence of God begins to wane. For some Christians, God is no longer experienced as present. Doubt begins to settle in. Perhaps you feel anxious about the validity of that initial experience. Was it all just an emotional release, without any real substance?
There are many things that need to be said in response to such an anxiety. To begin with, let’s look at a great biblical event that illustrates well the point involved. Think about the exodus from Egypt, when Israel broke free from its Egyptian bondage, crossed the Red Sea, and began its long pilgrimage to the Promised Land. In the early days of the exodus, God was obviously active and present. The pillar of cloud and fire was a visible symbol and reminder of the presence and power of the Lord among his people (Exodus 13:20–21). The crossing of the Red Sea (Exodus 14) confirmed this. But soon, discontent set in. Those who had been set free from bondage began to doubt the Lord, and demanded he be put to the test. Was he really there? Was the long journey worth all the effort? Did God know what he was doing? As the march through the desert wilderness continued for year after year, doubts grew stronger. God was not experienced as present.
Of course, as any reader of the remainder of the Old Testament can hardly have failed to notice, God was indeed present during that period of wandering in the wilderness. With the triumphant entry into the Promised Land, the people’s confidence in the Lord was fully restored, and their doubts in the wilderness were revealed for what they were. But think yourself into their situation in the wilderness. To start with, God seemed very close. You could hardly ignore his presence. But as the years wore on, the memory of that early period seemed unreliable. Perhaps they had just imagined it. God didn’t seem to be experienced as present any more. You can understand how they felt – but how unreliable those feelings turned out to be! God had promised to be present with his people, wherever they went. That promise was grounded in the faithfulness of God, not in our subjective impressions of whether God is there or not!
In your early days as a Christian, you may have known a spiritual equivalent of that pillar of cloud and fire – an experience, a feeling, of the presence and power of God. There may have been something like the parting of the Red Sea, when God confirmed he was really present and active in your life – perhaps an answered prayer, perhaps some kind of sign. Maybe that was some time ago. Now you may feel doubtful about your early feelings. But can you see how unreliable feelings are in deciding whether God is there or not? Or whether he cares for you or not? Or whether he knows what he is doing? Christianity is firmly grounded in the faithfulness of God to his promises, not our feelings! Like Israel, you may find something happens that restores your experience of the presence of God.
Experience depends as much on your mental state as on the way things really are. It is perfectly possible for the following two statements to be true at one and the same time:
1. God is there.
2. I don’t experience God as being there.
No contradiction is involved. One of the most moving descriptions of the feeling that God is not there is to be found in Psalm 42. The psalmist here speaks as someone in the depths of spiritual despair. He is downcast, dispirited and anxious. He feels far from God. His friends have noticed this, and make fun of him: ‘Where’s this God of yours, then?’ Yet despite this, he knows God is still there. He remembers the good times, the times when he was close to God and knew it, and he takes enormous comfort from the knowledge – grounded in his confidence in the absolute faithfulness and trustworthiness of God – that this time of depression and despair will pass. The psalm thus ends with a note of faith, even of triumph:
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my help and my God.(verse 11)
Notice what the psalmist does not do. He doesn’t pretend his feelings of doubt and anxiety do not exist. Instead, he acknowledges them, and brings them before the Lord. He knows that, despite his feelings, God is still there, just as a cloud may pass in front of the sun and temporarily cut off its light. The cloud will pass, and the sun will once more come into view. ‘It is not hard for the Lord to turn night into day. He that sends the clouds can as easily clear the skies. Let’s be of good cheer. It is better farther on. Let’s sing Hallelujah by anticipation’ (Charles Haddon Spurgeon).
Remember, it isn’t just you who have experienced this sense of the absence of God all on your own. This isn’t something new. It isn’t something that has never happened before. And it doesn’t mean you’re a lousy Christian. For example, it’s a frequent theme in the writings of Martin Luther (the great German reformer) and John of the Cross (a Spanish spiritual writer of the sixteenth century). You can turn to writers like these, who draw on their own experience and the experience of the people whom they’ve counselled, as they affirm God’s total faithfulness to his promises, despite the temporary feeling of his absence. Take comfort from the thought that many other Christians have had these feelings before you, and have gone on to tell of how they resolved them.
An excellent example of this is provided by Psalm 13. The psalm opens with the psalmist expressing his deep and despondent sense of the absence of God:
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I bear pain in my soul,
and have sorrow in my heart all day long?(verses 1–2)
Perhaps you can identify with his position, sympathizing with his sadness at the feeling of God’s absence. Perhaps you are experiencing such feelings even now. However, instead of becoming increasingly introverted, contemplating his own state of anxiety, the psalmist turns to contemplate the character of God: his trustworthiness, his covenant faithfulness, and his loving kindness. The psalm thus ends with a sense of hope and expectation:
But I trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.(verses 5–6)
Note how the psalmist turns to praise at this point. Praise can help throw off the sense of gloom that sometimes comes with doubt. Note also the decisive turn away from feelings towards the promises and character of God himself. It’s very easy to get trapped in a rut of depression. You keep looking inward, examining your feelings and emotions, and allowing these to determine your spiritual state. Instead, you should turn outwards, away from your feelings, and contemplate the promises of a trustworthy and faithful God, culminating in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. ‘For in him every one of God’s promises is a “Yes”’ (2 Corinthians 1:20). Turn outward to other people, who can set your anxieties in perspective.
Finally, remember the advice Screwtape gave his nephew Wormwood in the sixth Screwtape Letter. The best way to make Christians into atheists is to stop them thinking about God, and get them thinking about their own states of mind about God! Get them hopelessly preoccupied with their feelings and doubts, and stop them turning to God. Make them wallow in their uncertainties, so they get despondent and discouraged. As C. S. Lewis knew, the certainty and security of the presence of God can easily be displaced by near-total doubt, simply by fixing your attention on your mental state, rather than on God himself.
I feel so inadequate as a Christian
Don’t we all! When you consider the enormous responsibility and challenge of being a Christian, it’s hardly surprising if you feel overwhelmed by it all. On the one hand is the task of proclaiming the gospel to the world for which Christ died. On the other, ensuring the love of God is expressed in lifestyles and programmes of social and political action. The love of God draws us out of the world, only to send us back into it, as we try to transform the world in the light of the vision provided by the gospel.
Perhaps we feel rather like Joshua, as he stood poised on the frontiers of the Promised Land and contemplated the awesome responsibility that had just been placed upon his shoulders. Moses, the great man who had led Israel out of Egypt and through the wilderness, was dead; he, Joshua, had been chosen by God, and entrusted with the task of leading his people into the Promised Land (Joshua 1:1–5). Joshua must have felt very inadequate in the face of such a challenge. But being given responsibilities by God carries with it the promise of being given assistance by God. It isn’t as if God tells us to do something incredibly difficult, and leaves us to get on with it on our own. God’s gifts are tailored to God’s demands. Anyway, God knows our weaknesses and our abilities, and matches his demands to those abilities. God’s words to Joshua contain both command and promise – the command to lead his people into the Promised Land, and the promise that he, the living God, will be present with Joshua, sustaining and supporting him wherever he goes. ‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go’ (Joshua 1:9, NIV).
Or think of the apostles in those hectic days after the resurrection of Jesus. Only eleven in number, they were solemnly charged with the task of making disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:18–20). Imagine eleven people being told they had to go and convert the whole world! You could understand if they felt a sense of despair, disbelief and total inadequacy. ‘Eleven of us against the world? You must be kidding!’ Yet the reality of the situation was actually rather different: it was eleven of them and the living God against the world. Jesus told the apostles not to attempt anything until they had received ‘the gift my Father promised’ (Acts 1:4, NIV; see also John 16:33). Their task required special divine assistance – which was duly provided at the first Pentecost, when God poured out his life-giving and enabling Spirit upon the apostles (Acts 2:1–12). Once more, God matched the needs of the situation to his gifts.
The basic pattern that emerges here is of God enabling ordinary and inadequate people to allow them to achieve their calling. The same pattern is repeated in the lives of Christians down the centuries, as it can be in yours as well. Try reading the stories of some of the great missionaries and evangelists. Try reading the biographies of some famous Christians, and see how God works in their lives. God bestows gifts to enable them to meet their challenges and opportunities in his service. As we survey the enormous tasks that confront the modern church, and try to establish what contribution we can make, it is important to realize we are not working unaided. We are, to use Paul’s wonderful phrase, ‘co-workers with God’. Yet we are not equal partners, sharing the load evenly: it is God who plays the major part. Do your best – trust in God to do the rest. ‘The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do this’ (1 Thessalonians 5:24).
God uses you – but, in the end, he doesn’t depend on you. The graveyards of the world are full of people who imagined the success of the gospel depended on them – yet the grave could not hold the one upon whom that success really depends. It is not us, but the risen Christ who sustains the gospel we proclaim. See yourself as a channel through which the power and activity of the risen Christ can be directed into the world. It’s not what you are that matters – it’s what you let God do with you and through you!
Some Christians are crippled or depressed by a feeling of uselessness. They feel they are worthless. But God’s love affirms our personal worth, yet doesn’t depend on our worthiness or merit. ‘Sinners are attractive because they are loved; they are not loved because they are attractive’ (Martin Luther). Think of the overwhelming love of God shown for you in the death of Christ on the cross. See God affirming your personal worth. You are so important to God that Christ died for you. You matter to God – that is why he has chosen and called you.
Some Christians, however, suffer from a sense of spiritual pride, which leads them to trust more and more in their own abilities, and rely less and less upon the Lord. In this case, an awareness or recognition of your personal inadequacy can be an excellent asset. If you know you are inadequate, you are less likely to have delusions about being able to manage by yourself, and so you can learn to turn to the Lord in prayer and expectation. You look to him for inspiration, guidance and empowering. Being a Christian is a bit like being an electric motor: if you get disconnected from your external source of power, you’re not much use!
Jesus used a more powerful analogy to make the same point: Christians are like branches on a vine (John 15:1–8). If the branch gets cut off from the vine, it withers away. It can only survive, and will only bear fruit, if it remains firmly attached to the vine, and is able to draw on its life-giving sap. The branch is not independent, but relies totally upon the vine for its life and purpose – to yield fruit. Apart from Christ, we can do nothing – and a sense of our own inadequacy prevents us from getting the idea we can do anything much, without turning to him. The gospel stresses we must be receptive towards God, awaiting the gifts he will give us to equip us for the tasks ahead.
Humility, then, is a very important virtue for a Christian. But humility is easily misunderstood. If there is one thing humility isn’t, it is pretending you have no special gifts or talents. (You might find it helpful to pray through Romans 12:3–8 or 1 Corinthians 12:4–11 alone or with a friend, asking for guidance on what gifts you possess.) Some Christians seem to think that to be humble you need to deny you have any talents. This isn’t humility – it’s false modesty! Humility is about recognizing that our gifts and talents, whatever and however many they may be, are gifts of God, which owe nothing to our personal worthiness and owe everything to his generosity and loving kindness. ‘What do you have that you did not receive?’ (1 Corinthians 4:7). The parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14–30) makes this point especially well.
The parable tells of a master who entrusts his money to some servants during his absence, and of the variety of ways in which the servants make use of that money. This parable makes three main points.
1. Our talents are gifts from God. The servants had no claim on the money: it was their master’s, entrusted to them during his absence. In one sense, it was a gift to them – but a gift they would eventually have to surrender. They were stewards, rather than possessors, of the money. They were responsible for its wise use during the master’s absence. In much the same way, we have been entrusted with gifts from God – not on account of our personal worthiness, but on account of the tasks and responsibilities God may have in mind for us. None of us is totally devoid of talents, however modest we may be about them. The important thing is to identify what your particular gifts might be, as the first step in using them in God’s service. Many people pray to know the will of God in their lives, without realizing that his gifts to us can express his will for us! If your gifts happen to meet real needs somewhere in the world, it’s possible that’s where God wants you to be. Identifying the gifts God has given you is a useful way of beginning to discern God’s will for your life.
How can you do that? Some talents are obvious – for example, you might be a very efficient organizer, a patient listener, or an accomplished musician. You will be aware of such talents yourself, and be challenged to think through how they could be used to further the kingdom of God. Very often, however, personal gifts and talents are best discerned by others. It might be worth your while talking this through with some close friends, who can speak frankly to you. In addition to discovering what you are good at, you may also discover what you aren’t good at! And don’t be ashamed if your gifts turn out to be ordinary and apparently unspectacular. As Paul emphasized, the Christian body needs a wide variety of members and gifts if it is to function (1 Corinthians 12:12–31). It’s not up to us to ask why we have a certain gift, whatever it may be: the important thing is to ask what we can do with it, in the service of the gospel. It’s not what you have that matters – it’s what you let God do with it. What you are is God’s gift to you; what you become is your gift to God.
2. God’s gifts are given in order to be used. You mustn’t think of God’s gifts as some kind of ornament, there just to decorate you and make you a more interesting person! They are there to be used, in the building up of the people of God and the furthering of his kingdom. In the parable, the returning master is furious with the servant who buried his talent, and refused to use it. Some Christians adopt this ostrich-like approach to their gifts and talents, ignoring them or failing to use them. The English writer of the nineteenth century, John Henry Newman, suggested each of us should think of ourselves as having to do something for God that nobody else could do. This is a helpful thought. Identifying what gifts and talents we might have is one of the first steps in finding out what this ‘something’ might be. But being prepared to use those gifts is essential! They are task-orientated, there for a purpose. They are all on loan. We are responsible for expending them in the world, and we shall be held accountable for the way in which we use them.
3. God’s gifts increase through being used. The parable tells of three servants, two of whom use their talents, and the third who buries it in the ground. This final talent remains unaltered in its hole in the ground. It was not used and therefore did not grow. The two other servants, however, found that the money with which they had been entrusted increased through being used wisely. And so it is with the gifts God gives us – gifts such as faith itself. Faith increases through being used, through being put into action in God’s service. Faith doesn’t deepen through being allowed to stagnate, but through being applied.
In this respect, doubt is a positive thing. It is a stimulus to growth in faith. It snaps us out of our complacency. Like an alarm bell, it indicates all is not well. Perhaps we have been like the third servant, and buried our faith in a hole in the ground, failing to use it. Faith, like a plant, is something meant to grow. So use your faith. Allow it to affect the way you think and the way you live. Don’t let it get neglected through disuse!
I’m a failure: what use can I be to God?
All of us fail God; not all of us, however, are willing to admit this. So let’s begin on a positive note: your sense of failure points to your honesty and insight. C. S. Lewis once drew attention to one of the greatest paradoxes of human existence. We have enormously high ideals – which we fail to meet. Knowing what is right and good, we seem unable to achieve these ideals in our lives. Many Christians find this paradox expressed in their lives: the deeper their faith, the greater their realization of their sinfulness and inadequacy. As a result, the closer they come to God, the further they feel from him. The more they become aware of the overwhelming love of God for them, the more they realize just how little they love God in return. A sense of inadequacy and failure often arises from a deep awareness of the holiness and righteousness of the God who has called us, which impresses on us the vastness of the moral gulf between ourselves and God. But this isn’t really a sense of failure: if anything, it’s a proper sense of perspective.
It is certainly true that many Christians are failures by the stand-ards of the world. Paul made this point forcefully when writing to the Corinthian church:
Consider your own call, brothers and sisters: not many of you were wise by human standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong...
(1 Corinthians 1:26–27)
Success in the world usually comes by being assertive and aggressive, by ensuring you come out top in any conflict, and by destroying the reputations of your opponents. Wealth and power are seen as reasonable goals. The weak are legitimate victims to the strong. The gospel, however, specifies a somewhat different lifestyle, a lifestyle that seems sheer stupidity to those who judge by worldly standards. Great stress is placed upon care and compassion for others, especially the weak. Selfish attitudes and behaviour are discouraged. The well-being of others is placed above personal success. It is impossible to read the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5 – 7) and avoid seeing areas of serious conflict between Christ’s teaching and modern Western business and social ethics.
I was once travelling from London to Geneva in Switzerland, and found myself having to spend a long time at London’s Heathrow Airport. The flight had been delayed on account of fog. I must admit I find airports rather boring places, and to relieve my boredom, I picked up a copy of the local airport magazine. One of its articles fascinated me. ‘How you can become a successful business executive!’ I sat down to read it. It was mainly about how to develop manipulative techniques and project the image of domination and competence. Part of the article was a questionnaire. ‘When you are in a meeting, what is your aim in reaching a decision?’ I looked at the various options, and circled ‘to reach the decision which benefits most people’. The right answer was ‘to come out on top’! After I while, I began to realize I just didn’t have what it took to be a successful business executive – and felt really glad I didn’t! A really successful and powerful business executive or corporate lawyer may seem to have conquered the world – when in reality he or she has been conquered by the world.
Many Christians unwittingly carry over these secular standards of success into their lives as believers after their conversion. They still think of ‘success’ in terms laid down by the world. ‘Success’ means an ability to dominate and manipulate others, to get to the top by every means available, to have status and power. As a result, it is hardly surprising they judge themselves and many other Christians to be failures! But what standards are being used here? The gospel places a challenge against the values of the world. It affirms the existence and importance of a different set of values – the values of the kingdom of God. These values are reflected in the lives of Christians, who will inevitably find themselves in tension with at least some of the standards and values of the world. The world says, ‘Seek money, status and possessions.’ The gospel says, ‘Seek first the kingdom of God.’ To become a Christian is to adopt a new lifestyle and a new set of values, which the world may well brand as a failure. But does what the world thinks really matter?
Some Christians, however, are acutely aware of having failed God on some occasion, or even a whole series of occasions. Perhaps you feel guilty because you know you could have served God better than you did. Perhaps you failed to speak to someone about the gospel. Perhaps you hurt a friend, on account of what you said or did. Perhaps you did something you know to have been wrong. You feel you are a failure in God’s sight. What could he conceivably do through you?
The answer is quite simple: a lot! The classic example of a failure is Peter. Peter, you will remember, was the disciple who utterly failed Jesus when the going got really tough. In Gethsemane, Peter had affirmed he would never let Jesus down. ‘Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you’ (Matthew 26:35, NIV). Brave words – but, as events showed, hollow ones. Shortly afterwards, when Jesus had been arrested, Peter was approached by a servant girl in the high priest’s courtyard: ‘You also were with Jesus of Galilee’, she said. Here was an opportunity for Peter to witness to his loyalty to Jesus! However, Peter panicked. If words ever amounted to an admission of total failure, those words were Peter’s. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about...I don’t know the man!’ (Matthew 26:69–75, NIV).
Yet at the heart of the gospel are the themes of forgiveness and renewal. God forgives our past failings, and empowers us to start afresh. Martin Luther once described the Christian life as ‘a kind of beginning all over again’. The past may be set behind us, as God forgives us for our past failings and empowers us to overcome them in the future. After the resurrection of Jesus, Peter became a changed man. No longer was he a coward who sought to deny Jesus, but a potential martyr who was prepared to proclaim his Saviour to the ends of the earth. It is generally thought Peter was finally crucified at Rome during the Neronian persecutions in AD 65, finally and triumphantly sharing the fate of his Lord.
See your own failings reflected in the light of Peter’s. Perhaps you thought you could cope with the pressures of a situation, only to discover you couldn’t. And you felt you let the Lord down. It’s not the first time it has happened to anyone. Peter must have felt much the same way as you: he was reduced to tears when he realized what a failure he had been (Matthew 26:75). But that was not the end of the story of Peter, nor should it be the end of your story. If you feel you have let God down, tell him so. Take it to him in prayer. ‘Trust the past to the mercy of God, the present to his love, the future to his providence’ (St Augustine). There is no need to tell anyone else. Remember, God already knows what you have done and how you feel about it (Psalm 139:1–6), so you don’t need to hide your fears and anxieties from him. Ask him for forgiveness, and for wisdom and strength to cope with such situations in future. And when you get off your knees, do so with the confidence of one who has been forgiven, ready to face the challenges and opportunities awaiting you.
For all their unfaithfulness and imperfection, God is willing to use his people and to do great things through them. Indeed, it is hard to say which is more remarkable – that people should be so unfaithful, or that God should be able to work so marvellously through their unfaithfulness. The sinfulness and pettiness of individuals, the blind selfishness of the churches, the niggardliness of the support they have given to the work of the gospel, the mistakes that have been made – all point to the weakness and failure of people like us. And yet the church survives, the Body of Christ in every land, the great miracle of history, in which the living God himself through his Holy Spirit is pleased to dwell. God is able to work through human failures, including yours. Indeed, failure makes us less likely to trust in our own judgment and abilities, and instead makes us rely upon the Lord. This insight is central to Paul’s understanding of our life as Christians. ‘[God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me’ (2 Corinthians 12:9).
So don’t be anxious if you feel you are a failure, or that you are totally inadequate as a Christian. The real problems start if you think you’re a success, or if you begin to think you’re capable of leading a brilliantly successful Christian life trusting in your own strength. The God who has called you is a God who makes his strength perfect through human weakness. Let’s be honest: we’re all failures when it comes to being Christians. That’s why it’s such wonderful news that God is able to work through (even despite!) our failures, comforting and reassuring us, before sending us out to try again.