Chapter 9
9
TAKING A STAND
How to do hard things that go against the crowd
Eva lives in a rural part of Germany where almost everyone is “Christian,” yet few are serious about following Christ. The consensus in her village, she told us in an e-mail, is that religion won’t hurt you and it just might be helpful in rough times. So when Eva, at sixteen, decided to really live for God, she immediately found herself at odds with the culture—particularly the youth culture in her region, which revolves around weekend parties where students forget school and drink a lot of alcohol.
In Eva’s world, these parties aren’t considered add-ons to your social life—they are your social life. Even the parents in her village accept them as normal. Nearly every conversation at school during the week is tied back to the parties. It’s always, “Did you see that guy with Melanie?” or, “Were you there when Daniel started dancing with the DJ?” As soon as the gossip from last week’s party fades, planning for the next one begins. Life is lived from one weekend to the next, and to be part of the in crowd, you have to be there.
Everyone expects Eva to attend, but she’s a Christian now. Should she choose to stay home even if it makes her a social outcast? Maybe she could just go and stand in the corner? She wouldn’t want people to think Christians can’t have any fun, would she?
Have you ever had to make a decision like Eva’s? Maybe it was whether to go along with the group to watch a certain movie. Maybe it was not buying a certain outfit because it drew attention in the wrong way. Or maybe your teacher asked you to share your opinion in a class discussion on ethics. Suddenly a dozen pairs of eyes are turned on you. Your heart begins pounding faster and louder. Your cheeks burn red. This is your chance to stand up for what you believe, but you’re afraid. What will people think? What if you say something wrong? Why is this so difficult?
Sometimes we do stand up for what we believe. We tell someone it’s wrong to use God’s name as a cuss word, or we ask our unbelieving friends what they think happens after they die. But more often than not, it seems we just sink deeper into our chair, focus intently on our textbook, change the subject, leave the room, or just tell our conscience to take a hike. Our convictions are a private matter, we rationalize (that is, rational lies). It’s important not to make waves or come across as if we’re better than somebody else.
In this chapter we focus on the fifth and final kind of rebelutionary hard thing—taking a stand, even when it’s unpopular. This is one of the hardest things for teens (or anyone, really) to do. It goes against our natural desire to fit in, to be liked, to make friends. There’s nothing quite like it for putting our convictions to the test. We’ll look honestly at some of the costs of that decision—you could lose friends and popularity, you could lose opportunities, and in some countries you could even lose your life.
But we’ll also look at some of the genuine blessings that can come as a result of standing up for what’s right. It all boils down to a principle at the heart of Christian character: we have to care more about pleasing God than we care about pleasing man. As Eva is discovering, a decision like that changes almost everything about the way you live.
It can even change the course of history.
WHAT DEFINES YOU?
All of Eva’s turmoil and indecision faded away when she came across the words Jesus prayed for His disciples—and for everyone who will believe throughout the ages:
I gave them your word; the godless world hated them because of it, because they didn’t join the world’s ways, just as I didn’t join the world’s ways. I’m not asking that you take them out of the world but that you guard them from the Evil One. They are no more defined by the world than I am defined by the world. ( John 17:14–16, MSG)
From that point onward, Eva knew she couldn’t go on living like her peers. She was an ambassador—belonging to the kingdom of God and not to Germany or its youth culture. She lived in a world of parties, but she didn’t have to be part of that anymore. And if the world hated her for her choice, so be it. Her mission wasn’t to fit in. It was to be faithful.
It reminds us of a scene from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma! in which the characters are performing a eulogy for that “mean ugly feller” Jud Fry. They solemnly intone:
Jud was the most misunderstood man in the territory. People used to think that he was a mean ugly feller, and they called him a dirty skunk and an ornery pig stealer.
But the folks that really knowed him, knowed…that Jud Fry loved his feller man….
He loved the birds of the forest and the beasts of the field. He loved the mice and the vermin in the barn, and he treated the rats like equals, which was right. Oh, and he loved the little children. He loved everybody and everything in the whole world! Only he never let on, so nobody ever knowed it.
And even though this is supposed to be a funny scene, we need to ask ourselves if the same kind of thing couldn’t be said at our own funerals. What if Curly were performing your eulogy? Would it go something like this?
Joe Teenager was the most misunderstood young man in this here country. People used to think all he cared about was having fun and goofing off. They called him a rebellious teenager and a foolish kid! But the folks that really know’d him, know’d that beneath the laptop, the iPod, the television, the Xbox 360, his girlfriends, his bad attitude toward his parents, his self-centeredness, and his laziness, there beat a heart for God as big as all outdoors.
Joe Teenager loved God and his family. He knew that his teen years were his season of strict training, which was right. And he wanted to impact the world for Christ. He wanted to stand up for what was right in front of the whole world. Only he never let on, so nobody ever know’d it.
Eva realized, as we also must, that a changed heart will result in a changed life—that true saving faith in Jesus Christ will show in our actions. The apostle James wrote in James 2:18, “But someone will say, ‘You have faith and I have works.’ Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” Please understand that we are saved by faith alone, but true saving faith doesn’t stay alone.
This is not a call to parade our religiosity around, but it does mean that a true Christian faith will permeate our lives. It means that whether you watch a certain movie or laugh at a certain joke tells you and others something about the state of your heart.
For Eva, it meant that just going along with the crowd wasn’t an option. “If being a Christian doesn’t change the way I act on the outside,” she reasoned, “then how can I say that there was any real change on the inside?”
DOING WHAT’S RIGHT, EVEN WHEN IT HURTS
She knew she had made the right decision, but Eva still had to face the consequences of taking a stand. Her friends and classmates immediately wondered why she wasn’t attending the parties. Even some of the adults in the village couldn’t understand.
At school Eva was suddenly left out of all the gossip and conversation. Because she quit going to the weekend parties, her classmates started to consider her a boring outsider—a label that was very hard for Eva to take.
“I have to admit that there were times when I just wanted to fit back in,” she says. “It was so hard sometimes not to be part of the crowd, not to belong to the cool group, not to have a clique of cool friends.”
Eva’s stand meant rejection and being misunderstood by her peers. But in other parts of the world, the consequences are even more severe. In India, two teens were surrounded and beaten for distributing Bible tracts. In China, a sixteen-year-old girl was shot in the head for refusing to spit on the Bible. Christians all over the world are persecuted, tortured, and killed for their faith.
Fortunately Eva knew what she was getting into. She had already read the Bible passages that warn that some might hate us because we don’t join in the world’s ways. She knew she wasn’t called to follow Jesus only when she’d get pats on the back for it; she was called to follow Him even when it hurt. And if she wasn’t willing to follow Him when it hurt, she wasn’t really following Him at all.
Ultimately that’s exactly what it means for us to take a stand: doing what’s right—even when it costs us something.
We knew we were taking a stand when we posted the Modesty Survey, but we were still taken aback by the opposition it stirred up. While thousands of girls appreciated the survey as a helpful resource, hundreds of others viewed it as a list of rules or felt that we were blaming women for men’s problems. Feminist websites wrote scathing articles calling us “sexually repressed fundamentalists” and sent hundreds of their readers to our site to leave angry comments. Many of these visitors never took the time to actually study the survey results for themselves but jumped to the conclusion that we hate women and want to see them dressed in burlap sacks. For every handful of thankful e-mails, we would receive at least one obscenity-laced message telling us exactly what we deserved for our “judgmental attitude.” Even Katrina had a friend rant to her about the survey, not realizing that she was one of its creators.
If we hadn’t known we would face opposition for taking a stand, we all could’ve been overwhelmed and discouraged. But in a culture that glorifies impurity, it’s not surprising that some feel threatened by a group of teens that wants to be pure.
When we make decisions to obey God—even when it costs us something—and to live out our faith in our day-to-day life, it will be hard, but it will be good. And it will be good because God loves to bless us when we are faithful to stand for Him.
WE’LL ALWAYS BE GLAD WE DID
Remember the Old Testament story of Joseph getting sold into slavery by his jealous older brothers? Years later, when a famine has swept the land and the brothers are begging for food, they meet up again with Joseph, who has risen to become a ruler of Egypt—and the keeper of the food storehouses. When they realize who Joseph is, the brothers fear for their lives, but Joseph reassures them with a memorable insight that any rebelutionary who’s taken a few hits will appreciate. Joseph tells his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20, NIV).
When we take a stand for God, we’ll often suffer persecution of different kinds. But God is at work. Good is being accomplished in many lives—and so often we are the beneficiaries.
Eva’s decision to forgo the weekend parties provided her with many unexpected benefits, including the opportunity to grow closer to her family. “I did lots of things with my brother and sisters,” Eva shares, laughing. “And we had lots of fun together.”
Not only that, but over time the school situation got better as well. “My classmates began to respect me,” Eva told us. “They couldn’t always understand my behavior, but they tolerated it.” And even though she was still sometimes branded an outsider at school, Eva did get to know some really nice girls. “We started driving to school together, and we studied for our exams,” she says. “Doing such normal things helped them realize that I wasn’t a strange kid!”
Most important, Eva feels that God protected her from a lot of heartache and pain. “I was kept safe and pure for Him,” she explains. “He gave me strength and wisdom and didn’t let me become lonely.” What Eva learned is that the right thing, though hard, really is the smartest—and in many ways the easier—thing. Easier? you ask.
Consider: Ten years from now, if you were to ask Eva’s partying classmates what they thought was harder—staying home from all the parties for two years of high school or dealing with the consequences of alcohol and drug addiction, broken relationships, unwanted pregnancies, and sexually transmitted diseases—they’d probably say that Eva made the “easier” choice. And they’d be right.
Or ask Jordan, a fifteen-year-old attending high school in Sacramento, California. He went along with a large group of other teens to watch the football movie Invincible only to find out that the other kids were really planning to sneak into the R-rated movie Beerfest. He watched as his best friend, Josh, purchased their two tickets to Invincible, but he could tell that Josh was thinking of sneaking into Beerfest too.
“I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t wrestle with the decision in my mind,” admits Jordan. “But then I said, No, I’m not going there. God, I’m going to obey You.” He leaned over and told Josh, “We don’t need to see that movie, man. Let’s just go see Invincible and do the right thing. I’m going to see Invincible. I’m asking you to come with me. It’s your choice.” That encouragement ended up being all Josh needed, and the two of them went and enjoyed Invincible by themselves.
The next Monday the rest of their group got busted for going to see Beerfest, and Jordan and Josh were the only ones who didn’t get in trouble. “It was a hard choice at the time,” Jordan told us, “but the long-term results really paid off, not just at school but also having a spiritual victory to remind Satan of next time.”
For Jordan, Josh, and Eva, doing the hard thing of taking a stand really ended up being the easier choice in the end. And even though doing the right thing won’t always result in an obvious benefit for us in this life, it will in the life to come.
It’s like the quote by Jim Elliot, whose life was cut short tragically when he and four friends were killed bringing the gospel to the Auca people in Ecuador: “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
When we understand that, doing the hard thing of taking a stand will always be the easiest choice. Through every stand, God will strengthen our convictions and our faith—and we’ll be prepared for even bigger challenges in the future.
KNOWING WHEN AND HOW TO STAND
But before you start throwing your body in front of any bulldozers, let’s think more carefully about when we should take a stand as well as how we should go about it. The fact is that we can make a big deal about something that isn’t really that important. We need wisdom to understand how to properly evaluate each situation so that we can stand at the right time, for the right thing, and for the right reasons.
With that in mind, here are six principles we suggest to guide rebelutionaries in choosing to take a stand:
1. Start with the Bible.
2. Examine yourself.
3. Listen to your conscience.
4. Seek godly counsel.
5. Be humble, loving, and bold.
6. Be part of the solution.
Start with the Bible
What does God’s Word say on this topic? Even if the activity isn’t directly forbidden, is it in line with scriptural principles in general? Eva found the answer to her questions by reading John 17:14–16. She wasn’t supposed to be defined by this world; she was to be defined by Christ. Being a regular student of God’s Word is the best way to ensure that you know when and how to stand.
Also, as you get started, don’t get all caught up with obscure issues like whether it’s unbiblical for someone to dye their hair purple (hint: it’s not). Just because something is new, odd, or distasteful to some doesn’t necessarily mean it’s unbiblical. Scripture holds more than enough clear commands (for example, “Children, obey your parents”). Always start with what God’s Word is clear about.
Examine Yourself
Don’t get caught up trying to get a speck out of someone else’s eye and ignore the log sticking out of your own (see Matthew 7:3–5). Challenging cultural norms starts with you and with the commands from God you already know but may be used to ignoring. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect before you can instruct anyone else, but it does mean you must be fighting the fight yourself. People who aren’t even trying to practice what they preach are called hypocrites. Don’t be a hypocrite.
Listen to Your Conscience
Our conscience is our God-given sense of what is right and what is wrong, and as we read and apply His Word, it becomes more finely tuned. If you find yourself thinking that it might be time to take a stand, it’s probably because your conscience is flashing the warning lights. Listen up. In 1 Timothy 4:2, the apostle Paul talks about people whose consciences are “seared” by constant ignoring. Society expects young people to enjoy doing stuff they know is wrong, but they’re not counting the cost. If you can’t do something with a clear conscience, even if other people can, you shouldn’t be doing it (see Romans 14:23).
A Navajo Indian tradition says that your conscience is like a small triangle inside your heart. When you know something is wrong, it turns and pricks the flesh of your heart with one of its corners. But when you harden your heart and ignore your conscience, it keeps turning, wearing down its corners in the effort to get your attention. Eventually the triangle gets so worn down that it becomes smooth and circular, spinning around and around in your heart but to no use. You can’t even feel it anymore.
It’s not just our own consciences we’re supposed to watch out for. The apostle Paul warns against doing things that you know could encourage a brother or sister in Christ to violate his or her own conscience (see 1 Corinthians 8). Sometimes we have to take a stand for the sake of someone else—like when the group wants to watch a movie you know your friend’s parents don’t want him to see.
Seek Godly Counsel
Unless you simply don’t have time to ask for advice (for example, when you have to make a fast decision), you should always seek the opinion of those who are more godly and experienced than you. Tell them what you think God’s Word says about the topic, as well as what your own conscience tells you; then ask them what they would do in your position.
Be Humble, Loving, and Bold
The attitude with which you take a stand says just as much as the stand itself. People who always seem to be looking for a fight, who treat those who disagree with them with contempt, or who take a stand out of anger or retaliation cause more harm than good.
We can (and must) stand boldly—even forcefully if the situation requires it—but our standing should always be done with loving humility. We must hate the sin, not the sinner. Apart from God’s grace, not one of us is saved or sanctified.
Take a look at this e-mail from a guy who observed our response to the angry comments about the Modesty Survey. His e-mail was a response not to the content of our stand, which he disagreed with, but to the demeanor with which we carried it out. In the end, our attitude was a testimony to the truth of what we were saying:
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the way you guys have been handling the recent influx of dissenting comments. Strangely enough, I’m a reader of both The Rebelution [blog] and the website from which I suspect most of those commenters hail.
I’m glad that [you are treating them] civilly and that their comments aren’t being deleted. The contrast between the treatment they’re receiving here and the treatment most rebelutionaries would receive over there is, I’m afraid, dramatic.
The fact that you guys are keeping it kind is a strong testament to Christian values. Though I’m a liberal, pro-choice, anti-war, mostly atheistic kind of guy, I’m appalled at the nastiness expressed in most of their comments. I really appreciate that you guys work with such civility and conviction for what you believe.
Be Part of the Solution
Don’t get a reputation for always being against everything: be for something. Try not to point out problems without providing solutions. Make it your goal to show people a better way—God’s way—not just that their current direction is wrong.
Jessica Leonard (fifteen), Megan Dutill (sixteen), and Joanna Suich (seventeen) were tired of how superficial most teen girl magazines were—even the Christian ones. But instead of just cursing the darkness, these girls chose to light a candle, launching their own publication for Christian girls called Bloom! (bloom-blog.blogspot.com). Their example is one each of us should follow.
Our ultimate goal is not just that those around us would stop joining the world’s ways but that they would learn to love and embrace God’s way. We can accomplish this by being passionate ambassadors, eager to proclaim the goodness of God and stand for Him before the watching world.
And as rebelutionaries, our stand for what is good and right today will have an even bigger impact than we may realize.
IF YOU WANT TO STAND, STAND NOW
The film Amazing Grace tells the inspiring story of William Wilberforce’s long fight to end the slave trade in the British Empire, but our first glimpse of the man is not standing in the halls of Parliament, inspecting a rotting slave ship, or meeting with the colorful members of the famous Clapham Sect. Instead, director Michael Apted introduces Wilberforce to us as a man willing to stop his carriage in the pouring rain and slog through the mud in order to stop some men from beating their weary horse. “If you let it rest for a bit, it should get up on its own,” Wilberforce informs them, now sopping wet himself. Apted’s point is clear. This man stands up for the oppressed wherever and whenever he finds them—not just in the House of Lords and not just when the world is watching.
It wasn’t Martin Luther’s first stand when he nailed his Ninety-Five Theses to the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg. He had learned to trust God with his life long before he was summoned before the Holy Roman Emperor and given the choice to either recant or be branded a heretic and thrown outside the protection of the law. There, before the most powerful men of his day, he said, “Here I stand. I can do no other. So help me God.”
The God Luther prayed to had been faithful many times before. And whether Luther would lose his life or keep it, he knew that his God would be faithful again.
Neither Wilberforce nor Luther could have stood against the evils and injustices of their times if they hadn’t first learned to stand against the evil in their own hearts and in the hearts of those around them. We are no different.
Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it” (Mark 8:34–35).
Ultimately God is the One who gives us the strength to stand in any situation. But we must also recognize that much of that grace and strength is made available through the numerous opportunities He gives us on a daily basis to practice trusting Him enough to actually obey Him—even when it costs us something. Standing up for God in big, sometimes public, sometimes dangerous situations is made possible in part because we have stood up for God countless times before. Every time we do the right thing in God’s name, we flex and build our muscles.
If we can’t trust God with our popularity now, during high school, how will we ever trust Him with our lives on the mission field? If we can’t stand for Him now in the classroom, how will we stand for Him in the courtroom, when it really matters?
Take a minute to think back through the stories and suggestions in this chapter and answer these questions:
• Is there a stand you know you should be taking but haven’t?
• Is there something in your life you know is wrong but continue to do?
If a challenge comes to mind, don’t ignore it. Take a first rebelutionary step. The hard thing you’re contemplating may be the biggest, most difficult, and most rewarding hard thing you’ve ever done. Don’t miss this good thing God is inviting you to do, and don’t tell yourself it doesn’t matter.
Doing what is right always matters—and it matters now.