CHAPTER 8
DEEP COMMUNICATION: WHY DOESN’T OUR TEACHING CHANGE KIDS’ LIVES?
Chap Clark
DEEP DESIGN, STEP 1 (DISCERNMENT): NOW?
DEEP DESIGN PROMPT
Jim Rayburn, the founder of Young Life, is famous for saying, “It’s a sin to bore a kid.” When it comes to our teaching, most youth workers hear that and feel as though we have a lot of confessing to do! Even for those youth workers who are usually able to keep kids laughing, interested, and glued to the edge of their chairs (in some cases, literally), a statement like that can become little more than a guilt-producing incentive to keep them “liking” what we do.
Many of us hope that during our merry-go-rounds of programming, kids are interested in and excited by the worship (usually a fancy word for singing), willing to laugh and be (more or less) quiet during our “talks,” and willing to be semi-committed and quasi-vulnerable in small groups. To an awful lot of us, this is youth ministry. When pressed, most of us probably hope that in the midst of that programmatic machine our kids will develop an internal desire to learn about God—and thus pursue him eventually on their own.
Hindering God’s transformation: Our main goal for communication often becomes entertaining kids.
If we are honest, however, somewhere deep inside we know it’s our job as youth workers to prompt and prod our students into considering the complex texture and depth of the gospel. We know that teaching matters—Jesus himself said so (“…teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you…” Matthew 28:20; see Chapter 4 for more on this). But when we spend our precious few minutes of teaching trying to be relevant and funny, showing cool movie clips, we end up with so little time to delve into the Bible with any depth that we, at some level, fail our students.
Some youth workers have addressed this by relegating Bible study to small groups. But in many of those situations, the environment seems to encourage “sharing” around the Word rather than seriously diving into the Scriptures. Somehow we need to recapture a deep approach to speaking and teaching that involves a thorough study of the text as well as a hunger for the things of God as revealed in his Word.
DEEP DESIGN, STEP 2 (REFLECTION): NEW?
In studying the religious attitudes and behaviors of adolescents, human development researchers Jeffrey J. Arnett and Lene A. Jensen report the following four characteristics:
Their beliefs are highly individualized They are skeptical of religious institutions Denominational affiliation means little, and Childhood socialization toward religion has limited effects.
Essentially, they found that because adolescents “view it as both their right and their responsibility to form their beliefs and values independently from their parents, they pick and choose from the ideas they discover as they go along, and combine them to form their own unique, individualized set of beliefs, an ‘a la carte belief system.’” They concluded that, although religion is centrally important for adolescents, it is also highly relative and private—“in a congregation of one.”48
Research: Students’ faith is highly relative and private, “in a congregation of one.”
This conclusion has been confirmed in several studies since, most notably in the extensive study conducted by the National Study of Youth and Religion (NSYR), led by Christian Smith, principal researcher and professor of sociology at University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.49 Given kids’ attitudes toward faith, it is our job not only to win hearts but also to captivate the minds of today’s adolescents who are “individualized, skeptical of religious institutions,” and who lack loyalty toward their parents’ denominations and traditions.
But there is hope, and lots of it, when we set out to engage young disciples’ minds. Many youth ministry leaders, including Kara and me, affirm that today’s kids are eager to learn and be stretched in their understanding of God. Our problem is figuring out the best way to turn that key and get them motivated to go deeper in their faith. This chapter offers three vital principles to help youth workers become more effective and solid communicators as they seek to engage the minds of students.
Experience: Kids may not look as though they want to wrestle with new and challenging information, but they DO!
KEEP THESE PRINCIPLES IN MIND WHEN COMMUNICATING TO STUDENTS
#1-Communication is the art of being understood.
#2-Persuasion is more complicated than it seems.
#3–God is the one who transforms.
8.1
Principle 1: Recognize That Communication Is the Art of Being Understood50
Most of us have grown up believing communication is only about delivery. As long as I’ve said, or taught, or written something, I have communicated. But communication studies scholars recognized long ago that communication is not complete until someone has received the message being sent.
Research: We can’t communicate if we don’t understand the kids we’re communicating to.
Because communication requires that we do all we can to ensure that students understand what we’re trying to pass on to them, we have to keep in mind who our kids are whenever we try to communicate with them. This is true no matter what form or medium we use—talks, songs, written words, and even images.
In terms of teaching and speaking, there are three facts about adolescents that can help us communicate and connect with them more clearly. First, we need to remember that as their identities are being formed during adolescence, most young people live out of “multiple selves.”51 Kids will have one “self” they live out of at school (actually several, because in each class and activity they need to live out of the “self” that’s safest for them at the time), another “self” at home, and still another “self” at your ministry.52 They also feel the need to express these selves differently in the various roles they assume in their lives—such as with sports, in different classes, at church, and at home. This in turn causes them to stay on guard constantly to determine which role is the most appropriate to “put on” in any given setting.53
Knowing that all students are obsessed with their social environments and the roles they play within them can help us realize that much of what we receive in feedback (or lack of feedback) may not be about our message (or us) at all. But it also means we may have some work to do to get them focused on the issues at hand. We will work on How in a few pages, but for now, understanding the mindsets of your students will go a long way toward your connecting with them.
Research: Students have “multiple selves” and are preoccupied with what others think of them.
Second, and related, is the fact that adolescents are intensely aware of the possibility of having their feelings hurt and guard against this constantly.54 Even though you may not be able to see it directly, adolescents are intuitively aware of how fragile they are, and often believe they are one social miscue from being cast aside by friends. A stray word, a sideways glance, or an inappropriate illustration or phrase can send one or more youth group members over the emotional edge. Whenever we take the floor to deliver a message—and it can be anything from an announcement to a prayer—we hold great power. Students know this, and they’re also aware of how this power can turn around and hurt them at any moment. It’s not that we would intend to cause pain, but regardless of our intent, the impact hurts. To connect with them in meaningful ways, we have to overcome their instinctual fear of potential harm (and be really, really careful).
Research: Students are easily hurt.
Third, any time adolescents believe they are in a potentially hostile environment (which is almost everywhere they go, even youth ministry settings), they are expecting at some level to be evaluated and criticized. Studies have consistently shown that all of us are more open to processing messages if we believe they’ll help us develop better moods.55 Many students in our programs will assume our messages will be boring at best and guilt-producing downers at worst. If we start with them thinking we are out to get them, or that the message we offer will give them no sense of hope, they’ll do all they can to avoid listening to us. When we offer words of encouragement and hope, our message has a better chance of taking root.
Research: Students are looking for positive, encouraging messages.
COMMUNICATION: THE ART OF BEING UNDERSTOOD UNDERSTANDING YOUR STUDENTS
Adolescents live out of “multiple selves.”
Adolescents are wary of getting hurt or made fun of.
Adolescents are looking for positive and encouraging messages.
8.2
There’s no doubt that adolescents are desperate for safe environments.56 They want places where they can let down their guards. They want to be able to trust that those in charge are going to make sure that the church (or any Christian setting) is one place where they don’t have to work so hard at the role(s) they play. They also need to know that the message we offer them is the most encouraging, hope-filled, and refreshingly uplifting message they could ever hope to receive. This is the beginning of communication—making sure our students expect and look forward to the beauty and healing majesty of the gospel message.
Principle 2: Persuasion Is More Complicated Than It Seems
In youth ministry, we partner with the Holy Spirit’s work in kids’ lives by loving them as God loves them. We seek to persuade students, without an agenda demanding a response, to consider who God is and what his call is for their lives. With students, then, our ultimate goal is to somehow convince them to change—change their minds, change their lifestyles, change their habits, and sometimes even change how they choose their friends and activities. The apostle Paul said, “We try to persuade people” (2 Corinthians 5:11, TNIV), and so do we in youth ministry. In fact, that’s our job! We want kids to be so convinced by the gospel that they hand their lives over to the Holy Spirit, who is the one who does the changing.
Scripture: We, like Paul, are called to persuade.
Every time we’re confronted with messages seeking to persuade us, we have to make a series of choices. Look at the Communication Decision Steps diagram. First, we have to decide whether we’ll allow this person or message to get through to us (in youth ministry we’ve seen that one up close!). Then, we need to decide how much we’ll let our own opinions and feelings influence what’s being asked of us. Finally, we must decide to what degree we’ll allow the message to confront our carefully crafted perspectives and whether we’re willing to change our minds about whatever the message is saying. So our task is to help our students say “yes” at all three points in this decision process.
Research: In the communication process, students face three points of decision.
In any type of communication, whether speaking or teaching or counseling, we must do all we can to persuade without causing our receivers to tune us out or become defensive (see “6 Behaviors That Promote Defensiveness”). To do this we must work to get beyond the walls and defense mechanisms teenagers are so good at using. Sometimes our teaching falls flat because we haven’t done the work of building relationships with our students—or because it’s Sunday morning, and they are exhausted. But often the problem is that we haven’t considered how they think or feel about a given issue or topic. We generally have little idea what their internal, deeply held initial attitudes are coming into a lesson or message.
As someone who’s been doing this a long time, I’ve noticed that it’s much harder to “win the right to be heard” with kids today than it was in the 1970s. But at the same time, once youth do show interest, they’re often far more engaged than students 30 years ago. So, grabbing their attention may be a bit tougher now, but once they are there, great things can happen. Add to this the nature of the gospel’s call—to share “with gentleness and respect”57 as opposed to trying to manipulate or coerce students into the kingdom of God. This is the main difference between self-centered manipulation and loving persuasion—we share the story that has changed us, what we’ve seen and heard. We are not out to trick anybody into faith; we are fellow travelers with an incredible adventure to hand off.
Wondering about the difference between “persuasion” and “manipulation”? Curious about other findings that most youth workers don’t know about? Check out www. cyfm.net for a free article that introduces more insights about teaching kids.
Experience: Today’s kids are harder to engage, but once they do, they’re more willing to go deep.
To help students even begin to engage in the content of the gospel, we need to know what keeps them from caring about what we are trying to communicate. The first step may be as simple as using creative communication techniques instead of just talking at them. We also need to find methods to help students learn in ways that fit their life experiences and how they learn best (what we call learning styles).
We will hit techniques, tips, and tools later, but first we must take a hard look at what happens inside the minds of those we’re attempting to communicate with (or, if you will, persuade). We’ll do this by taking a quick look at Social Judgment Theory.58
Each person comes to any discussion, small group, class, or program with a fairly sophisticated system of beliefs, attitudes, and values. (This is true of both adults and adolescents.) Beliefs are what we think is true; attitudes are our predispositions to respond to given situations, and values are those things we hold up as important. The more strongly and deeply someone holds onto particular beliefs, attitudes, and values, the harder it is to disrupt them or challenge them. The goal of Social Judgment Theory is to determine the initial perspective of the person you’re trying to reach so you’ll have the best shot at inviting them to consider a change.
Research: Our beliefs, attitudes, and values combine to influence our choices and behavior.
Social Judgment Theory59 states that the more people care about something, the more entrenched they will be against differing opinions. For example, let’s say you’re trying to get a message across to Juan, a high school sophomore with whom you have a great relationship. But he’s also let you know that he “has his own opinions.” The more “ego-involved” Juan is regarding a particular topic, the harder he will work against persuasion to think differently. Compare Juan with Kerry, who generally doesn’t care passionately about most issues (or is not too “ego involved”) and is somewhat neutral to persuasive appeals unless something causes her to sit up and take notice. If both Juan and Kerry become convinced the issue does matter to them, Kerry will move from apathy to engagement, and Juan will at least give the message a hearing.
“Ego-involvement” = the degree to which we’re emotionally committed to an issue.
6 Behaviors That Promote Defensiveness
While no one causes our defensiveness, when we sense any of these six behaviors in someone trying to communicate with us, our first reaction is often defensiveness.
- Superiority—this person acts as though he/she is better than me
- Certainty—if I disagree with this person, he/she will treat me as though I’m stupid and wrong
- Evaluation of opponents—this person acts as if he/ she knows what I’m thinking
- Control—this person is more concerned about leading the discussion than letting it be a give-and-take
- Neutrality—what I think doesn’t matter to this person
- Strategy—this person has a strategy and cares more about that strategy than me
8.4
The logic behind Social Judgment Theory is best described by the Assimilation-Contrast Effect. If someone with high ego-involvement (e.g., Juan, whose initial attitude is entrenched against our position) feels as though a message and appeal is too far from where he is now, he’ll probably feel his position is threatened. This will, more than likely, push him even farther from your desired change. This is called the contrast effect.
But if Juan feels as though your message and appeal respects him and seeks only to get him to move a little toward you, it’s more than likely he’ll move closer to your position. This is known as the assimilation effect. The key is Juan’s initial attitude and how open he is to changing his mind.
In youth ministry most of our students resist engaging in our messages either because they don’t see a need to care about the topic at hand, or they think what we say may go against what they already feel strongly about.
Research: Sometimes baby steps of persuasion keep threatened people from running the other way.
But how do we persuade people like Kerry who aren’t “anti” like Juan but more “neutral,” yet still don’t want to be persuaded (i.e., the “apathetic church kid syndrome”) ? Our job as communicators, according to Social Judgment Theory, is to get Kerry “off the fence” and away from a middle, non-ego-involved position. In other words, our task is to get her to care, one way or another. After we get her thinking about how she feels about the topic, we can begin to help Kerry decide how to respond to our message. When students seem apathetic toward our teaching and talks, we have to help them see a need to engage. Once they realize the issue matters to them, then they can be motivated to move down the road toward growth and change.
Research: Social Judgment Theory can help us to become more effective communicators to students.
“A need is a lack of something an organism considers necessary. A motive is an inner state that directs the organism toward the satisfaction of a need.”60
The following foundational principles can help us be more effective communicators, whether we’re talking with Juan or Kerry or anyone in between:
Each person has an opinion about almost everything. Whenever others try to change our minds or alter our opinions, we judge that persuasive appeal according to what we believe already and how deeply we care about it. (Our judgment can also be affected by how much we trust the person making the appeal.) The amount of “ego-involvement” will affect how deeply entrenched we are in our positions. (Or, to put it another way, the degree to which we care about something will tell us how far away we think the persuaders are from our position.) The more we care about the issues at hand, the quicker and more fiercely we will internally distort and argue against points of view or agendas that challenge our beliefs. (And because our amazing minds can fly at warp speed when threatened, we often write the message off before the persuaders have taken their first breaths.) If we believe the difference between our position and another’s position is relatively small, in the interest of social harmony we’ll tend to drift in the direction of that minor change. (In so doing, our opinion assimilates the position of the person trying to persuade us.)
Implications of Social Judgment Theory for Youth Ministry
What does this have to do with our communication with youth? Everything! If we can anticipate and recognize our students’ initial attitudes or levels of ego-involvement, we will have a far better chance at getting them to allow their minds to interact with our messages. We have to make sure our speaking or teaching is, first, compelling and interesting enough to warrant them giving our message a chance. Second, we need to make sure our messages line up close enough to their initial attitudes that they aren’t threatened by them (but not so close they just flippantly agree with us), while at the same time pushing them a little bit closer to the end goal of what we’re trying to communicate.
The best way to picture this is on a seven-point scale that measures initial attitudes. Let’s say you’re talking to students about sexuality. Although you might use different categories, possible initial attitudes may look like this:
Using passages such as Matthew 5:27–28, 1 Thessalonians 4:3–8, and Philippians 4:8, you may want to convince (or persuade) your students that God calls us to see intimate sexual behavior as something sacred and therefore expressed only in the context of a loving, committed relationship that the Bible affirms as marriage (not just “love”). If most of your students are between 2 and 4 on the above scale, Social Judgment Theory suggests that the best way to convince them is not to try immediately to get them to move to a 7, but rather to get them to think about, discuss, and pray about moving one or two spots to the right. After they have moved a little in response to your presentation, your next message should try to persuade them to move a little more (e.g., the next small group meeting can follow up on this teaching). And the next discussion would seek to move them a little more—and so on. In other words, don’t try to move them too far all at once, but guide them with respect and gentleness into honest dialogue with the Spirit through the Scriptures.
Scripture: We need to be both bold and gentle.
Let’s clarify one important point: I’m not implying we shouldn’t be “bold” in our proclamations (although in light of passages like 1 Peter 3:15, “…do this with gentleness and respect,” and Colossians 3:12, “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience,” I believe we always need to be cautious in our teaching and speaking). Rather, I believe we need to be as “shrewd as snakes and gentle as doves” (Matthew 10:16) in our responsibilities as God’s chosen representatives of his truth.
The majority of adolescents who’ve been forced to listen to adults “communicate” with them throughout their lives will come into a meeting or program already convinced that the adult who holds the power is not all that concerned about who they are, what they think, and what matters to them. For that reason, many kids turn our messages off before we even begin. Sure, they’ll listen to our stories—but if we’re not careful to connect with who they are and what they care about, then when we get to our appeal, they’ll shut us out without giving us much of a chance.
Experience: Maybe in our zeal to be bold we’ve lost our calling
Principle 3: God Is the One Who Transforms; Our Job Is to Help Him Plow the Field
In communicating the message of Christ, our efforts to persuade may stir others’ souls and even contribute to changing their minds about something. But don’t forget, we never actually change anyone. Any lasting transformation happens because God has done a work in the life of a believer who trusts him. As the apostle Paul writes, “But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope” (Galatians 5:5, emphasis added). Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is the one who creates lasting change in the direction of holiness within the believer. Our role is to work with the Spirit’s movement in someone’s soul in order to create a willingness to respond.
Scripture: It is God who changes lives, and we work with him to prepare the soil.
With this in mind, there are three things we can do in our ministries to foster a willingness and openness to hear God’s voice.
We must get kids into the Bible themselves instead of spoon-feeding them or trying to “wow” them with clever delivery systems. We must prepare well so we have something solid and compelling to bring to the table. Last-minute or shoddy preparation leading to pooled ignorance will kill any Bible study. As valuable and useful as they are, alternative and “creative” teaching methods can distract youth from focusing on the issues at hand. It’s important to make sure that anything we use—object lessons, role plays, video clips, even cool illustrations from when we were in high school—are supplementary to the content of the message. Our job is to create an atmosphere of dialogue and inquiry. Let ideas and truth provide the struggle and energy in our communication, whether it’s speaking or teaching or facilitating a group.
HELPING STUDENTS TO HEAR GOD’S VOICE…
- Get them into the Bible
- Prepare well
- Keep “creative” teaching/speaking tools secondary to your message
8.6
Finally, remember that the most crucial element in communicating effectively with youth is believing so deeply in what you have to say and why it matters that it pours out of you naturally. You may never be a great speaker or have the funniest stories or hippest video presentations, but if you care—really care—about Jesus Christ and what he has to say to students, you will be a powerful communicator.
DEEP DESIGN, STEP 3 (OBSERVATION) : WHO?
Jim Candy, director of middle school ministries at First Presbyterian Church in Boulder, Colorado, has been working with students for 10 years. Not only is Jim a great communicator, but he also understands how to connect with kids in ways that partner with God to bring lasting transformation. Here’s what he has to say about communicating to students in ways that bring change:
Jim, I know much of your communication is influenced by what you call “associative value.” What do you mean by that phrase?
If kids take away the idea that “Jim loves Jesus” from my talks, they will begin to associate me (and our leaders) with the person of Jesus.
That is huge in making relational ministry happen—it frames our relationships with them. Conversations with kids about their faith are priceless, but even if we don’t get there, the fact that they associate us with Jesus, and we genuinely love and care for them, points them to Jesus.
Some youth workers feel the days of the youth ministry “talk” are dead or at least dying. What do you think?
I’ve talked to some middle school directors who have given up on talks because their kids don’t respond verbally to the message. If nothing else, the associative factor they lose makes that a big mistake in my book.
Perfect example: I took an eighth grader named Clark fly-fishing with me one day during my first year. We laughed, caught fish, and never talked about God. Now, he’s a leader for us, and in his story of how he came to follow Jesus, he talks about that day specifically because we didn’t talk about God. He kept expecting me to bring up the “God talk,” but because I didn’t, he thought, “Maybe Jim just likes me.” And the next step, “Maybe God just likes me, too.”
Even though we didn’t talk about God that day, he had heard me talk about Christ and associated me with him. If I hadn’t been giving talks, I don’t know that Clark would have made the cognitive leap of connecting my no-agenda, genuine love of him with God’s love.
Jim, what are some ways you connect with kids when teaching or speaking?
I remind myself that connecting with kids doesn’t begin when I get up and open my mouth. Engaging with kids in everything we do during the night leading up to the talk may help me connect more than anything I say during the talk itself.
The point was impressed on me a few years ago when Sean Matthews, an area director for Young Life in Denver, spoke at one of our summer camps. Sean was phenomenal. Kids were more tuned into Sean than any speaker I’ve seen.
At the end of the week, a seventh grader named Harry told his mom Sean was the best speaker he’d ever heard and that he was going to follow Jesus because of Sean. Harry’s mom asked what Sean said that was so persuasive. “Um…I can’t remember,” he said. “But he played kickball with me.”
Okay, but what about during the actual “talk” itself?
Connecting with kids during talks means being honest, genuine, transparent, and humble. I try to be the person God made me and be someone who shares with kids more than speaks at them.
On a practical note, I talk with groups of kids about my talk before I actually sit down and figure out what I’m going to say. Kids get excited about being included, I get an idea of what they actually think about the topic, and God often surprises me by using those conversations to move kids or myself toward Jesus.
How do you know when you’re effective? How can you tell? How do you measure it?
My ineffective talks are when I try to do too much rather than sticking to one great idea and developing it. I think this is a problem many of us get into—we’re so excited about what we have to say that we put the dump truck in reverse and unload it on kids. To combat that tendency, we have the “minivan rule” in our ministry. The goal is that when a kid hops in their car at the end of the night and someone asks, “What did they talk about tonight?” the kid can articulate in a sentence what the point of the night was. It forces us to be clear, concise, and know exactly what we’re trying to communicate.
How much do you base your feelings of effectiveness on feedback you get from students and leaders?
Obviously I listen closely to what people have to say, but I’m careful not to base my feelings of effectiveness on how kids immediately respond to a talk. We can deliver great messages, not get a single encouraging word from kids or leaders, and go home feeling like failures. The advantage of being in youth ministry for the long haul is hearing former students come back and tell you about a talk you gave that was important to their faith development. I’m often surprised that some of the talks I thought were disasters were the ones God chose to use.
How do you (and your team) use and incorporate creative tools and resources (media, illustrations, role plays, drama, etc.) ?
We use PowerPoint®, video, and dramas, but the best creative tools support an overall goal of connecting with kids on a more personal level. I don’t have time to go over the top with media presentations—otherwise I’ll never spend time with kids and leaders. I never want fancy media to be the focus. But it’s always paid off when I’ve prepared a slide show that depicts my home and family or a funny home video of my boys—often there are ways to tie in that type of media with whatever idea you present and, in the process, build a bond between yourself and kids. Illustrations like that let kids into your life—and kids desperately need to be let in.
DEEP DESIGN, STEP 4 (APPLICATION) : HOW?
Application Questions:
What is your greatest strength as a communicator? What is your greatest weakness? When you’re speaking or teaching, what’s the balance between grabbing (and keeping) attention and getting to the point? How do you find that balance? This chapter talks about Social Judgment Theory. Where have you seen this in your ministry? Compare those times when you’ve experienced students invested and engaged in a Bible study and when they’ve been either bored or defensive/dismissive. What contributed to these reactions? How is your situation similar to Jim’s? How is it different? Given all this reflection on communication, how can you go deeper?
How are we going to go deeper in our communication?
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