Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Apologetically Blonde

The Struggle of Women to Defend Their Faith and What They Should Do about It

Toni Allen

For the last eight years, it has been my joy to teach and encourage young people both on college campuses and in the church to pursue what I call a well-formed thought life. My main purpose with nonbelievers has been to discover and help clear away intellectual barriers to the truth of Jesus Christ, and to assist them in the maturation of their reasoning skills so that when true ideas present themselves, they are more easily recognized. My goal with Christians has been not only to equip them to accomplish the aforementioned, but also to see them embrace and grow in their desire to love God with all of their faculties, which vitally includes their minds.

The reason I pursue this endeavor is the same as it has always been—namely, that it is still true that "false ideas are the greatest obstacles to the reception of the gospel."1 This oft-quoted famous and iconic declaration by J. Gresham Machen continues to bear witness and, sadly, affects the church almost as equally as the public square. For while it certainly is the case that the god of this world (Satan) has worked diligently to deceive those outside the church2 in efforts to keep them from Christ, we also regretfully see a variety of convoluted ideas continuing to grow within the church. It is equally sad that Christians are still profusely ill-equipped to dislodge them. The need for modern believers to learn to love God with their minds has never been more pressing.

Over the past 18 months, my focus has been primarily on working with Christian women with a view to encouraging them to become better equipped to defend their faith. I call this process "loving God noetically." The idea comes from the Greek concept of noéō, meaning "perceive, think, or understand with the nous or mind."3 Thus, to love God noetically simply means to love God with the mind. This is more than just studying theology and learning Christian doctrine (although these are absolutely essential); rather, loving God noetically includes learning to reason well and with precision in order to explore ideas, both true and false, which are vital to God's kingdom.

Further, it is also crucial to develop the ability to articulate those ideas gracefully. I believe this to be of strategic importance in becoming a skilled apologist. This is because loving God with our minds is not some intellectual enterprise that simply makes us smart Christians; rather, it is the graced understanding that makes us faithful disciples.4

My goal with women has been to help them develop competent reasoning skills and combine them with veridical evidence for the Christian faith. Through the development of such a well-formed thought life, we not only become equipped to give others a solid defense of Christianity, but we also guard our own minds against many of the false ideas that believers regularly encounter in the secular milieu of our culture. I do not make the distinction between sharing my faith and defending it, as I believe anytime we offer any truth of Christ to a nonbeliever, this should always be combined with supportive evidence for it. Even when sharing the love of Christ with someone who is hurting, I provide reasons for why Christ loves them, and not just statements that He does. Thus, I often use the phrases "sharing faith" and "defending faith" synonymously.

To this end, I have been blessed to work with some tenacious women who have committed themselves to the growth and development of their noetic capacities. In so doing, I have also identified several key issues that I believe consistently hinder women in defending the Christian faith. I consider women who struggle with these issues to be apologetically challenged, and I believe this has little to do with their intellectual acumen. Thus, my purpose herein is to bring attention to these areas and offer some helpful suggestions regarding their improvement, as I truly believe any woman—regardless of hair color—can do.

Before I illustrate my observations, it's important that I clarify that my intention is in no way to construct a false dichotomy between men and women in this essay. Men can also be apologetically challenged (and indeed, I believe many are), and some of the issues I outline could apply to them as well (though perhaps from a different angle). I also recognize that developing a well-formed thought life is by no means formulaic, and individuals have different interests and aptitudes when it comes to philosophical reasoning and apologetics. While I believe both genders are held to the same standard with respect to Christ's command in Matt 22:37, I want to be clear that in this essay, I am simply talking to women. I speak to them as one of them, and given my training in philosophy and my background of witnessing to many of my students as a college professor, I am blessed to be able to offer my insights and hope they will be helpful.

Conflict

The first issue I've observed that seems to hinder many women in defending their faith is their natural inclination to avoid conflict. I have had hundreds of women over the years tell me that one reason they do not readily share Christ with a coworker or nonbelieving friend is fear of either causing strife in the relationship or inciting unfriendly dialogue. This is understandable because women tend to be natural peacekeepers. In fact, we are on average 20 times less aggressive than men, and thus simply far more inclined to take precautions not to provoke conflict and to avoid it whenever possible.5 The proverbial "butterflies" which instinctively flutter inside us when facing a possibly tense discussion can be a strong deterrent, making it difficult for women to be motivated to enter into those situations that may result in discord or unpleasant interactions with others. Further, a women's aversion to conflict is significantly stronger than a man's.6 Studies show that when a conflict breaks out in a game, females will usually decide to stop playing, while most males do not.7 This is because it is part of the female's design to endeavor to preserve social harmony. Women are naturally wired to forge communicative and emotional connection, create community, and protect their relationships.8 Conflict with others simply undermines this.

Our fear of conflict wouldn't factor into our struggle to defend our faith if defending our faith wasn't perceived to be a conflict-oriented enterprise. In fact, I believe our concern that attempts to share our faith may provoke conflict is not at all misplaced. This is not only because there are times when the gospel will genuinely offend people, but also because we unfortunately live in a culture where few understand the notion of true tolerance. True tolerance is the idea that disagreement in the public square should occur amiably and without conflict. We respectfully disagree with the ideas of others, and they are free to do the same. However, in our modern culture, true tolerance has been replaced with the notion that to tolerate opposing ideas in more prejudicial areas generally means that we should abstain from public disagreement. This is especially true with respect to religious and ethical ideas, which are frequently considered to be subjectively based rather than objectively grounded. Therefore, it is often thought that they should remain a private matter. As a result, expressing disagreement, especially in these controversial areas, is regarded by many to be disrespectful and intolerant. No wonder we find ourselves anxious in those discussions with nonbelievers. They so easily misunderstand our desire for them to know the truth of Christ to be merely a desire for them to believe as we do, and thus our assertions are frequently misperceived as arrogance.

However, while this understanding may validate our strong desire to avoid conflict with others, which is a noble endeavor, it should not dissuade us from the higher calling of sharing reasons with nonbelievers to trust in the person of Christ. I believe it is apologetic knowledge combined with the art of tactful communication that can assist us in learning to overcome progressively our fear and anxiety. When we know what we're talking about and how to share it with others tactfully, our confidence grows and we naturally become less concerned about being caught off guard by questions or provocative statements. When we've taken measures to equip ourselves with solid evidence for the truth of the gospel, we can relax knowing we've done well before the Lord. This serves to strengthen our own confidence and promotes a calmer inner disposition when sharing the truth of Christ. This confidence is readily perceived by others and can serve to create an inviting atmosphere for dialogue. In fact, I find a relaxed and confident demeanor to be a vital element. In my experience, when this is combined with the offer of well-reasoned arguments for the truth of Christianity, it actually serves to help avoid acrimony. (Remember, arguments are not attempts to quarrel; they are tools in logic and evidence that, when constructed properly, are designed to demonstrate the truth of an idea.) Thus, on many occasions I've found that when I confidently provide genuinely satisfying explanations, nonbelievers will begin to ask more questions with less irritation.

I remember one student with whom I recently met over coffee (my preferred method) whose whole family was from India and deeply Hindu. She told me she had learned to come to terms with some difficult events in her life through her guru's teaching that free will was illusory and that fate had determined these things to make her stronger. After I listened to her story and empathized with what had happened to her, I began to explain that the concepts implied in the notion of determination are not compatible with the idea of an impersonal force such as fate. She began asking questions, and as I continued calmly to explain these concepts, the student was able eventually to admit that perhaps her guru might be mistaken about a few things.

Finally, it's good to remember that women have unique gender-based abilities that I believe God desires to use in reaching nonbelievers. Our natural inclination to avoid conflict predisposes us to keep exchanges with others peaceful, and this can be used to our advantage. When we combine this with our intuition and an articulate understanding of our faith, we can be incredibly effective in fulfilling the calling to provide an apologia to anyone who asks us for the hope that is within, with gentleness and respect.9

Spiritual Experience and Emotion

The other issue that I believe contributes to the difficulty for many women struggling to defend their faith is the one I actually believe to be the most common. That is, I find that women often depend on their experience and emotional connection with God as the primary justification for the beliefs they hold. In other words, women tend to perceive meaningful experiences and their corresponding emotions to be validation that what they believe is accurate. Yes, the gospel is for the whole person, and this includes existential reasons (including personal experience as well as our deepest emotions and longings)10 and even the testimony of Christian love as the greatest apologetic of all (John 13:34). However, a well-rounded defense of the gospel will include rational reasons and evidences. Doing so will be important for three reasons.

First, when believers are overly dependent on their phenomenal experience and emotions as justification for their faith, this can severely dampen their motivation to pursue a deeper understanding of its evidential support. Second, while our experience may play an important role when sharing Christ with nonbelievers, it may not provide the cogent force necessary to overcome intellectual barriers to faith. Third, primarily depending on experience and feelings as affirmation of an idea's accuracy can lead to errors in judgment. Let me explain.

In my discussions with women about the lack of motivation to pursue well-reasoned support for their faith, the feedback I've received is very consistent. Women tend to be very satisfied with the experiential aspects of their faith. They simply don't see the need to learn to defend their faith because they already know it's true, and thus their motivation to pursue its evidential support is greatly diminished. As such, spiritual experience becomes their primary focus in confirming what they believe. One girl with whom I recently spoke stated emphatically that she simply preferred the emotional elements of her walk with God, and she believed that pursuing an arguable defense for her faith would detract from this. She just did not think arguing with nonbelievers communicated God's love in a robust way. Another young woman asserted that her emotional connection to God was the main reason she was passionate to serve Him, and she thought that the problem with the church in the past was that Christians were way too much in their heads, and not enough into their "hearts."

Now as a Christian, I can easily understand how believers could come to rely on their personal experience and emotional connection to God as validation of their faith. The inner testimony of the Holy Spirit does confirm to us that we are children of God and that our faith in Christ is accurately placed. Further, our experience in fellowship with God is often very satisfying, both psychologically and emotionally. Experiencing the Holy Spirit in our worship—indeed, in our day-to-day lives—leaves believers with both the confirmation and satisfaction that God truly is present in our lives. However, when publicly defending Christianity, we must realize that appeals to religious experience typically do not function as a decisive apologetic.

This is primarily because appealing to religious experience when sharing with nonbelievers is not often persuasive enough to demonstrate the truthful nature of Christianity. For one, it is very difficult to perceive the phenomenal character of another person's experience. Nonbelievers are challenged to understand the convictions of conscience, the joy of forgiveness, and the sweetness of personal fellowship with Christ that believers experience. These simply have highly nuanced qualities that prove very difficult to ascertain apart from the experience of them. Further, religious experience is not held to be that persuasive within modern culture, and it is a real struggle for many nonbelievers to understand how it is ontologically grounded. Thus, religious experience is regarded as more likely stemming from a variety of our subjective desires and emotions, and these are not generally persuasive. Finally, because of the many false ideas pervasive in secular culture, our experience is not often sufficient to break through many of the intellectual barriers that these false ideas present. When we are not able to provide evidential support, our personal testimony (as it is often called) is usually all we have left to offer. Unfortunately for many in our pluralistic society, this simply is not enough.

Finally, while it is the case that women are naturally more cognizant of their emotions, nevertheless, depending on them as the primary validation for our beliefs directly affects our judgment. This often occurs when women affirm or deny the truth of an idea based on how they feel about the idea. For example, when presenting arguments from cosmology for reasons to believe in a personal creator, on occasion I notice a negative reaction when I discuss the theory of the "Big Bang." From the feedback I've received, this largely seems the result of an unfavorable association that some mistake Big Bang Cosmology (BBC) to have with Darwinian (naturalistic) evolution, in addition to some confusion about BBC's compatibility with the creation account in Genesis. Although I clearly illustrate the argumentative support the theory provides in favor of Christianity, still I find that women take longer to overcome their negative feelings about it. In fact, in mentoring many women over the years, I have found it very common that rather than evaluate an idea on its merits, they are instead more reluctant to adopt an idea if it actuates negative feelings, or more eager to accept it because of positive ones.

The idea that emotion affects cognition is by no means a recent one in history. Aristotle himself believed that emotions had the power to rival, weaken, or bypass reason. He taught that emotion challenged reason in all three of these ways, and that our feelings often compete with our reason for control over our actions. Indeed, Aristotle believed that our emotions rob our faculty of reason of its full acuity, thus leaving us noetically handicapped. Further, he thought that our passions made us impetuous: "the impetuous person does not go through a process of deliberation and does not make a reasoned choice; he simply acts under the influence of a passion."11 For Aristotle, this meant that the influence of our emotive faculties over our cognitive ones is such that there are times when our reasoning process does not enter into conscious reflection until it is too late to influence our decisions.12

Do not misunderstand: I am not advocating beliefs without emotion or repudiating the role of personal experience in our faith. I wholeheartedly believe that our experience and our feelings function well to passionately fuel our God-given desires to serve Him. But God designed our faculties for functioning in an integrated, holistic function.

Nevertheless, I want to be clear that experience and emotion alone tend to make for a poor defense of the Christian faith, and moreover, God never intended them to fill this role. Therefore, in our endeavor to learn to use apologetics successfully, it is vital that we strive to become aware of those times when we adopt beliefs based solely on our experience, zeal, or inclination. Adopting ideas as true or false without attempting to appraise their evidential support or philosophical soundness is poor thinking, and women must become acutely aware of this tendency and work diligently to overcome it.

Some Helpful Suggestions

At this point, I have several suggestions I want to offer to give basic direction on overcoming the struggle to defend our faith for any of the reasons I've outlined. The suggestions I offer here are not meant to be the total solution to address these issues; however, I believe they are good starting points.

First, it is important to gain understanding. As I've mentioned, confidence stems from understanding what you believe and why you believe it, and so it's important to take inventory of your knowledge of Christianity. I've outlined some very basic questions at the end of this essay which I hope will be of assistance in identifying those areas of faith and doctrine which generally need better understanding and evidential support. I recommend using a journal and working through each question slowly. Then go over your answers carefully and ask yourself how your answers would sound in conversation and whether the evidence you have provided would seem convincing if you were sharing it with a nonbeliever. Then identify which areas need additional work (and actually work on them).

Second, I know this must seem painfully obvious, but it's vital to read widely. Most importantly, find a basic primer in logic and thinking skills that is accessible at your level, and take notes while you read it. Practice using what you learn with a friend or family member. Further, read books by well-known and respected authors in philosophy and apologetics. Go through a good introduction to systematic theology. The Internet also has a wealth of resources; just do a little research to make sure they are reputable. Subscribe to the RSS feeds of apologetic web sites and to the newsletters of apologetic ministries. Scour the blogs of well-known teachers of apologetics and try to summarize their points in your own words. If you are consistently on the go, then get an e-reader, load it up and utilize it at lunch or afternoon coffee between appointments or activities. Further, it's very helpful to always be slowly working through some material that is just a bit difficult to digest. This naturally stretches our intellectual capacities and leads to wonderful growth.

Third, it's important to work on developing some rhetorical skill. After all, ladies, talking is one of the things we were designed to do! Developing conversational skills will pay great dividends in the effort to share Christ reasonably. One very effective way I have found to learn this is to role play consistently. Role playing with others greatly helps to identify weaknesses in conversational skills that are not readily apparent and that you want to overcome before you engage. Gaining knowledge is obviously primary, but then we must learn to share our knowledge successfully with others, and, for many, this is an acquired skill. Role playing will also serve to assist in overcoming that pesky nervousness that can be so persistent when taking new ideas out for a drive. After you've driven them around a bit through role play, you become more familiar with them and more confident in the ability to use them well. I suggest scheduling a regular time to meet with one or more fellow apologetics enthusiasts who will commit to growing together in this area.

In addition, I have found the following tips to be very helpful in drawing others into a productive conversation. Learning to create a noncombative atmosphere that invites dialog is not difficult, and you don't have to become a dexterous communicator to do so. The first and most important thing I do when I am entering into a conversation with someone is to attempt to avoid creating an obvious dichotomy between my ideas and theirs. This is because I do not want others to misperceive my desire for dialog to be a desire merely to win an argument with them (which can lead to conflict). Further, I ask questions with a cheerful and kind tone, and I show sincere interest in their answers. Second, I always avoid showing nonverbal skepticism, such as frowning or shaking my head, about anything they share (no matter how odd it may seem to me). My face says it all. I nod my head consistently to show that I'm listening, and what's more, I smile! I find that this often encourages them to relax and open up. Third, one of the most effective techniques I use is to try to find points in their answers that I can genuinely affirm and discuss with enthusiasm. While they are explaining their views, I interject affirmations whenever I can. This helps to demonstrate early on that I am an ally in what I consider to be a mutual search for truth. After I've questioned, listened, and then affirmed any points that I can, I casually offer my views as if naturally adding to the conversation. I find that they usually listen and often are provoked to ask questions, and this gives me the opportunity to share with conviction and influence.

The last suggestion I have is one that I have found vital in my own life. This is prayerfully to pursue personal growth through spiritual formation and character development to help identify areas that may contribute to your personal struggle to defend the faith. Underlying causes of fear and anxiety often go unidentified for many years. These issues in our lives greatly affect our ability to overcome these two troublesome bedfellows, no matter how much apologetic knowledge we gain. There is a multitude of fine Christian authors whose books can assist in areas that might need healing or expose areas previously unrecognized in our character needing our attention.

Keep in mind that a fear of conflict and even the tendency to depend overly on experience may have roots in more than one area of our lives. Personality type, upbringing, and cultural influence can contribute to these issues. Sins of pride, bitterness, or even laziness can diminish our motivation to learn to articulate the truth of Christ in a reasonable way. Spiritual formation is a vital ingredient to our Christian growth, and you may be surprised how much your ability to defend your faith grows with you as you submit your character to the work of the Holy Spirit.

As women, we should welcome the challenge of defending our faith, even if this pushes us out of our comfort zone. Positive change begins through recognizing that our natural aversion to conflict can affect our witness and through realizing that our overdependence on our spiritual experience can prevent deeper doctrinal study. As we are transformed, we will increasingly become the salt of the earth and the light of the world God desires us to be.

Basic Inventory Questions

As I previously mentioned, it is important to take personal inventory of our beliefs regarding the essential basics of the Christian faith. Answer the following questions and support your answers by providing any reasons you can for them. If you don't know an answer or cannot support an answer, then identify and do further study in these areas.

The World

The Bible

God

Jesus Christ

The Holy Spirit

Miracles

The Afterlife

1 J. Gresham Machen, "Christianity and Culture," Princeton Theological Review 11 (1913): 7.

2 See 2 Cor 4:4.

3 The New Testament Greek Lexicon, accessed May 2010, http://www.searchgodsword.org/lex/grk/view.cgi?number=3539.

4 Darren C. Marks, "The Mind under Grace," Christianity Today, March 12, 2010, 23.

5 See Anne Campbell, "Aggression," in The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology, ed. David M. Buss (Hoboken, NJ: Wiley, 2005), 628–52.

6 Eleanor E. Maccoby, The Two Sexes: Growing Up Apart, Coming Together (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1998), 36.

7 Ibid.

8 Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain (London: Bantam Books, 2007), 7.

9 See 1 Pet 3:15.

10 C. S. Lewis, for example, presented an "argument from desire." See Clifford Williams, Existential Reasons for Belief in God: A Defense of Desires and Emotions for Faith (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2011), 49.

11 Cited in "Aristotle's Ethics," in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (2009 ed.), accessed April 11, 2010, http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/aristotle-ethics/.

12 Ibid.

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