Part 1
Biblical EQ
A Christian handbook for emotional transformation By John Edmiston
This book will answer your deepest questions about emotions in the Christian life - from a biblical and Christ-centered perspective.
How can I bring my emotions under control? Did Jesus have emotions? Are my emotions important to God? Is it really possible to know true peace? How come some Christians have a glow about them? Why am I always afraid? Some people seem so masterful, how do they do that? Why did Jesus weep? Where do emotions come from? How can I express emotions wisely and well? What's the difference between my mind and my brain? Why is love important? How can the Holy Spirit help me to grow emotionally? Can I really be like Jesus?
2 Biblical EQ
A Christian Handbook For Emotional Transformation
By John Edmiston
Copyright, John Edmiston, 2001
Table Of Contents How To Understand And Use This Book - 4 PART 1 – Jesus As Our Model Of How Our Emotions Work - 5 Commencing The Journey - 6 Common Questions About Emotions - 9 Can Jesus Be Our Model For Biblical EQ? - 14 The Holy Spirit And The Emotional Life of Jesus -21 The Emotional Life Of The Apostles, Prophets and Great Christian Leaders - 30 The Emotional Life of Carnal Christians -37 PART 2 – The Inner self and Our Emotional World - 42 Perception - 43 Perception In and By The Spirit - 56 The Thoughts and Intentions Of The Heart - 73 The Learning Organization - 84 Emotions And Our Physiology - 92 PART 3 – Practical Techniques For Emotional Self-Mastery And Expression - 104 The Masterful Mind - 105 Getting A Handle On Our Emotions - 118 Acting On And Reacting To Our Strong Emotions - 124 Recognizing And Understanding Emotions In Others - 133 The Appropriate Expression of Emotions - 143 Love Is A Many Splendoured Thing - 149 Index - 159 Appendix 1 – Teacher's Guide - 164 Further References - 165 About the Author - 168
How To Understand and Use This Book This is a Christian handbook on emotional transformation. Biblical EQ is about emotional competence, about being able to handle and discern emotions and express them wisely. The emphasis of the book is ongoing growth rather than healing. The book does not assume that the reader has emotional "problems" that need to be "fixed". This is not a book for people with high levels of emotional pain to read to get better – though it may achieve that. Biblical EQ is a fitness manual rather than a diagnostic manual. Its focus is strength, health and maturity. The aim of this book is to equip Christians, especially those in the ministry, by putting them in touch with the ground of their emotional being, getting them to commit to become emotionally mature and Christ-like, and helping with the correction of areas of imbalance and immaturity, then finally showing them how to express emotions with clarity, integrity and sensitivity in the context they are in. That's a lot for one book and so Biblical EQ starts with some pretty solid foundations and build upwards because we are not tackling one emotion at a time here but actually trying to rebuild the Christian's entire understanding of the emotional life of the believer from the ground up. The first section, on Jesus as our model, deals with some of the basic overall biblical theology of emotions and is foundational to the rest of the book. It is written from an evangelical viewpoint and at a level that should suit most committed Christians. Its central premise is that Jesus Christ is the model for our emotional life and that the sanctification of our emotions is a work of grace involving the power of the Holy Spirit working in the committed Christian. Its pictures the ideal Christian as having grand and powerful emotions that are holy and good and which are wisely and appropriately expressed in God's timing for His glory. The second section, on the inner self and our emotional world, is perhaps the part of the book that has the most new teaching for many readers. It spends a lot of time looking at how emotions arise in our spirit, in our soul and from our body and how these complex interactions create our emotions and our character. It draws together many counseling techniques and Scriptural insights. It should lead the reader to a deep understanding of self and of how others arrive at the place they are emotionally. It is founded on a very literal and exhaustive treatment of the Scriptures and tries to work from the biblical data and carefully build an adequate understanding of the human person. Its central premise is that our inner self is not constant and fixed but is "being renewed day by day" and that we can be co-workers with God in this process of inner renewal. The practical section is grounded in Proverbs-like general wisdom and common sense and much will be familiar territory to some readers, however it is useful to "be stirred up by way of reminder". It deals with our experience of self-mastery, emotions and issues of emotional regulation, how we can read other people's emotions and how to express those emotions appropriately in love. It also deals with how to tap into God's love so we can minister to others. Its central premise is that God links to us through faith, which works through love, which employs specific focused wisdom and knowledge, to do good deeds and that on our side of the equation we facilitate this process by fixing our minds firmly on Christ and mastering our personal responses. This book tries to give you both the relationship aspects and the specific focused wisdom and knowledge aspects of biblical EQ. References for further reading, a teachers guide and an exhaustive index has been provided for those who want to dip into the book to research a particular issue. A seminar manual is also available as a separate publication.
Part One
Jesus As Our Model
This first section of the book sets the biblical basis in place. It looks at the emotional life
of Jesus and then develops a model for how our emotions work, and how they can be
redeemed, so that they end up mirroring the emotional life of Jesus Christ. The change
needs a change agent and we look at how the Holy Spirit was behind the emotions of
Jesus and how co-operating with Him is a large part of the secret of emotional
development. Firstly we shall look at some common questions about emotions and
establish whether or not we should bother about them. Then we shall investigate whether
or not we can use Jesus as the model for the emotional life of the Christian. Having
established that we will move on to see how the Holy Spirit empowered His emotional
life. At this point a five step model will be put forward for how godly and holy emotions
arise. We shall then test this model by seeing if it predicts how the emotional life of the
apostles, prophets and great Christian leaders turns out. Then we shall test it again to see
if it has a kind of "negative prediction" of how the emotional life of carnal Christians will
turn out. By the end of this section the importance of the Holy Spirit in the emotional life
of the believer will be firmly established and we will have a biblically based and well
tested model of the emotional life, which will then investigate more deeply in the second
section of this book.
Commencing the Journey (Proverbs 4:23 NKJV) Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.
Good emotional management is a highly needed commodity in Christian work. Without it we can unintentionally make a complete mess out of our service for God. One emotional explosion at the wrong moment can be held against us for a long time to come and we are often judged by others on how we handle our emotions. Many very productive Christian workers have had to leave the ministry because they just could not manage their emotions well and this marred all their relationships. So we need to do something – but what can we do? The good secular materials available do not draw on the resources that the Holy Spirit can bring to emotional transformation and few good Christian resources exist that combine biblical insights with good clinical data. This book is an attempt to do that. In order to do this I have had to start with first principles and work out a sort of biblical paradigm with Jesus at its center and the emotional life of Jesus as our model. The Holy Spirit is seen as the main power behind emotional transformation. Also tips and techniques from secular authors as well as their data has been incorporated where this material is "Christian-compatible" so to speak. So this book is divided into three sections, the biblical basics, discussion of the inner self and our emotions, and practical tips on self-mastery and emotional expression. Each of these sections has five or six chapters each. The biblical section discusses some foundational teaching about the Christian emotional life, the "inner self" section looks at how emotions arise in our spirit and soul and are influenced by our body and how our inner emotional life is formed, finally the practical section looks at our experience and understanding of emotions and how they should be best expressed. What is EQ? Emotional intelligence is the term we use to describe a complex set of human abilities related to emotional management. The four key aspects of emotional intelligence as described by Mayer and Salovey (the pioneer researchers in the area) are: 1. Emotional identification, perception and expression 2. Emotional facilitation of thought 3. Emotional understanding 4. Emotional management Various other researchers, most notably Daniel Goleman, have broken these into various subfactors which are continually being reviewed. Recent findings in neurology have contributed greatly to our understanding of where emotions arise in the brain. The field is fluid and a final decision on what finally constitutes EQ has not been entirely reached yet and there are two or three main schools. However much is coming out of these studies that is very interesting from a Christian perspective, as we shall see as we go along. What Is Biblical EQ? This is the biblical perspective on the above four key skill areas. It doesn't neglect the findings of neuroscience but it adds in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of Proverbs. It has as its model the emotional life of Jesus Christ with His personal presence, selfcontrol, emotional expressiveness and discernment of situations. Thus it has a clear pattern, a master plan that can be used to analyse theories and to determine what is true and false, wise and unwise. Secular theories have no "ideal person" to point to - they merely assemble ideals from their own theories and worldview. In Jesus we have a model , a guide, a point to aim our teaching towards and this is invaluable.
The Christian believer is to aspire to have the emotional life of Christ Jesus for that is very much part of being "in His image". Above all Biblical EQ is biblical - founded on faith in the inspired, inerrant and authoritative Scriptures. The Failure Of The Secular Models of EQ After reading various EQ books you know that emotions are important, that you should handle them better and a lot about how they arose within you, but you are not shown how to conquer them. In fact many of the EQ programs based on this kind of research have had fairly middling results. The corporate sector is pulling back from them, partly because of recession but partly because they are not delivering as expected. Why is this so? Why has the secular approach to emotional intelligence fizzled? Firstly they have a philosophical underpinning that has no definite direction. There is nothing intrinsic to the theory that tells them what to aim for when helping a person achieve a higher level of emotional intelligence. Apart from being in touch with ones emotions and being able to express them accurately, appropriately and responsibly there is no "big picture" of what the emotionally intelligent person should turn out like. People end up confused and perplexed. Theories seem at variance with each other and the result is that some practitioners are almost Zen Buddhists while others are extremely businesslike, manipulative and pragmatic. Without any agreement on what an ideal person is they cannot make much real progress. Secondly much of the work of Goleman and others involves a model steeped in a medical and neurological framework that sees our responses as entirely conditioned by biology, genetics and environment. Alteration of responses is through medication, education and behavior modification. After a while people start to feel depersonalized by this approach, and react against the diminution of human responsibility that seems to be the outcome. It is so reductionistic and materialistic that after some initial enthusiasm people are repelled. Thirdly prayer and spiritual disciplines are marginalized in the literature despite their utility. For instance on page 75 of Goleman's first book Emotional Intelligence he says "Finally, at least some people are able to find relief from their melancholy in turning to a transcendent power. Tice (a researcher into depression) told me "Praying, if you are very religious, works for all moods, especially depression". Despite this obvious therapeutic value for prayer it is never again referred to in Goleman's book. People know religion works - they are just refusing to admit it much in print. Should we then throw out their work entirely? Not at all. Truth is truth and measurements are measurements. There is an enormous amount of good work and wise information in the current EQ literature. It can be, and is, very helpful in giving us understanding of how our emotions work. However it does not give us a whole lot of power to transform them. The power to defeat deep and difficult emotions comes from God and involves the human spirit coming into contact with God's Spirit. So in this book we shall tend to turn to secular sources to explain much of the physiology and the mechanisms of emotion and to Christian sources for the power to deal with them. Core Concepts To get answers that genuinely help people we need two things, a clear destination, and the power to get there in a reasonable amount of time. Our destination is the image of Christ Jesus, our power to get there is the infilling with and transforming work of the Holy Spirit. These are just the some of the great advantages of the gospel, we have hope, and we have lots of hope!
Thus the central premise of the book is that Christians can have their emotional life redeemed so that it is transformed to mirror the emotional life of Jesus Christ and that the Holy Spirit's power and grace is the key to this process. This involves renewing seven key aspects which will be discussed in detail as we move along: 1. Renewing our basic perceptions of reality and our perspective on life. 2. Renewing our individual belief system. 3. Renewing the purposes and intents of our heart. 4. Renewing our physical bodies and their influence on our emotions. 5. Renewing our ability to be aware of and to understand our own emotions. 6. Renewing our ability to understand the emotions of other people. 7. Renewing our ability to appropriately express emotion according to the desire of the Holy Spirit. The first few of these are a very deep work. It takes effort, courage and time to change one's perspective on life or to review and change core beliefs, thoughts and intentions. However unless this is done the foundations are not strong and any positive emotional changes will be temporary at best. Thus it is important that you work through the foundational chapters and understand them. They are the chapters which will give you the deepest wisdom to assist you with your emotional growth. Before we go much further we need to answer a few of the common questions about emotions and that is the topic of the next chapter . . Discussion Questions
1. What do you want out of this book?
2. Are you prepared to change?
3. How can we combine secular insights with biblical insights?
4. What are some of the reasons that the secular models of EQ have not got the results that everyone hoped they would?
5. What advantages does the revelation of Scripture give us?
6. What advantages do we obtain from having Jesus as our model?
Common Questions About Emotions (Proverbs 29:11 NKJV) A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back. What Kind Of Emotions Should Christians Have? While God is emotional there are some emotions that God never has. God is never envious, lustful, greedy, bitter with selfish ambition, small-minded, or petty. Neither is he anxious or fretful but dwells in perfect peace. His emotions are positive, holy, noble and appropriate. God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all. Since we are called to be "in the image of God", then whatever else that means, it means that at the end of our Christian maturity, our emotions should in some measure share these divine qualities. We should be "walking in the light". Thus godliness means forsaking some emotions and embracing others. We should be utterly free from unholy and fleshly emotions and moving toward mature and holy emotional responses. The mature saint of God is filled with love and utterly free from bitter envy and selfish ambition. (James 3:15-18). Petty covetous worldly longings are replaced by the love of the Father (1 John 2:15-17) and perfect love casts our fear so that we dwell in quietness, peace and confidence (1 John 4:18, Isaiah 26:3). Holy people do not easily fly into rages or engage in back-biting and quarrelling rather they are centred people full of love, joy and peace (Galatians 5:19-23). There is thus a grand and holy emotional authenticity that accompanies maturity in Christ. As a rough guide our emotions can be broken down into three classes: Holy emotions – those experienced by God such as compassion, joy, and holy indignation and those that accompany life in the Spirit such as praise, worship and adoration. These emotions are derived from the kingdom of light and the Sprit (Ephesians 5:18-21, Colossians 3:16-17, Galatians 5:22,23) and are in agreement with true wisdom (James 3:17,18) They are the emotions of Christ in us. They are not necessarily religious or pious emotions. Admiring a flower or delighting in beautiful music or focussing on the beautiful and the good can be just as holy as going to church. (Philippians 4:8) Human emotions – based in our human situation and the created order and shared by Jesus during His time on earth. This includes emotions such as grief, pain, fear, abandonment, sadness and sorrow, anxiety, stress, anguish and vulnerability. These emotions are well chronicled in the Psalms. For the Christian they are temporary and in eternity there shall be no more crying or sadness or pain (Revelation 21:4). While these emotions may feel bad they are not evil or toxic. They can be painful but they are not poisonous. Fleshly emotions – are poisonous and destructive and include toxic emotions such as malice, envy, selfish ambition, sensuality, bitterness, overpowering lusts and murderous hatred. They are closely tied up with the works of the flesh and with evil deeds. Their outcome is spiritual death. These emotions were not part of mankind at Creation and are not "natural human reactions" (For instance grief is a natural human reaction but bitterness is fleshly. One can have "good grief" without a trace of bitterness. Bitterness is not natural to the human condition.) Rather these emotions are derived from the kingdom of darkness and have their source in a dark wisdom (James 3:14-16). This classification helps us see the relative value of our emotional responses and to use the techniques described in the succeeding chapters to assist with our sanctification. It also puts the lie to the old humanist rubric "there are no right or wrong emotions." All emotions are not equal. Some are of much higher value than others and some emotions and impulses are positively wrong. This classification also goes a bit beyond the black and white classification of emotions as 'spiritual" or "unspiritual" that causes so much pain in traditional missionary circles. When pain
and disappointment are seen as "unspiritual" we simply add to the burden the person is carrying. Hurt, disappointment, pain and frustration are valid human emotions stemming from our creatureliness encountering a fallen world. Human beings were created good but mortal and it is as we explore this mortality that we find out many useful things about ourselves. The above simple classification also saves us from the error of stopping there with our human emotions and being content simply to explore ourselves at that level. It tells us there is something higher, something beyond our mortality and that it is as we focus on our immortality in Christ that we develop the highest and noblest parts of our being. We are thus called to participate in the holy emotions so that they transcend the human emotions and overcome the fleshly emotions. By this I mean that we must choose our emotional level and which emotions we will be gripped by. When disappointment strikes we can choose to respond with holy emotions and pray through until we trust God and can praise Him as the Psalmist did or we can respond at the human level and sit down disconsolate in human misery and gradually see it through or we can respond from fleshly emotions and lash out in anger, bitterness, distrust and revenge. Consider Paul in jail in Philippi in Acts 16. He praised God, sang psalms and rejoiced thus transcending the human emotions of pain and discomfort and effectively banishing any fleshly emotions such as bitterness or desire for revenge. Thus Paul participated in holy emotions so that they transcended the human emotions and overcame the fleshly emotions. The human emotions are not denied or seen as wrong rather they are acknowledged but not focussed on. They are transcended. The saint focuses on and deliberately chooses to move toward the holy emotions. Prayer, fasting, praise and worship, reading Scripture, meditating on good teaching and doing good works are all helpful in this process. However above and beyond these things we need the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit responds differently to each of theses three categories of emotion. The Holy Spirit rejoices and assists us when we engage in holy responses. He produces them within us so they can justly be called "the fruit of the Spirit". (Romans chapters 8 & 12, and Galatians 5) On the other hand the Holy Spirit comforts us when the human emotions such as grief overwhelm us (see 2 Corinthians 1). Finally He is determined to break the grip of fleshly emotions such as hatred, lust and revenge. In fact the Spirit wars against such impulses so that we cannot fully give way to our worst desires (Galatians 5:16-18). Thus the Holy Spirit produces holy emotions, comforts overwhelming human emotions and wars against fleshly emotions. However we have a choice in the matter. We can take heed of the Spirit's promptings or we can discard them in fleshly rebellion. This leads Paul to say that the mind set on the flesh and its fractious emotions "is death" but the mind set on the Spirit with His holy emotions is "life and peace"(Romans 8:5,6). As we will see in other chapters, the Spirit renews the mind with its personal perspective and belief structure. The renewed mind becomes centred on God and can be validly called "the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthians 2:14-16). Thus as the mind is redeemed and renewed and set on the Spirit life and peace result. This life and peace that results from a well disciplined and renewed mind is the aim of this book. This simple classification of emotions will be vastly expanded as the complexities and subtleties of the emotional life of the Christian life are explored. Our emotions need redemption if they are to become holy and the focus of all redemption is Jesus Christ who will be our model and pattern for biblical EQ. How Come Christians Seem To Stop Changing Emotionally After A Few Years? Massive early transformation followed by accommodation to religious sub-cultural norms is a fairly common pattern among Christians from emotionally damaging childhoods. Church life provides many little nooks and crannies where we can hide from the Holy Spirit and the hard
work of emotional transformation. In many cases painful emotions are not understood by the clergy and even by some Christian counselors and damage is done. This book will seek to bring wisdom and balance to the Christian handling of emotions. However all is not the fault of the clergy, church culture or inadequate theological and counseling training. Much is our own fault. Each of us has defense mechanisms against change such as rationalization, projection, and denial. We dodge dealing with God and we duck change. Yet I believe one of the greatest obstacles to emotional health in Christian circles is that we simply don't understand our emotions or we lack proper mechanisms for dealing with them. Many Christians are ignorant of Scriptural teaching on emotional life and so are left stranded with a few basic techniques that barely scratch the surface of the problem. In a puzzling , almost paradoxical way, we also take our emotions too seriously and make them the source of our spiritual selfesteem. When we feel holy and good and positive we judge ourselves as being "up" spiritually and when we are feeling distant or depressed we judge ourselves as being "down" spiritually. In fact the connection between emotions and spirituality is fairly loose. Some very happy optimistic people are carnal and worldly, while some serious gloomy types are deeply spiritual - and the reverse applies as well. While it is certainly preferable to feel good and to "rejoice in the Lord always" even the apostle Paul admits to times of intense pressure and discouragement. We see this particularly in his letters to the Corinthians. And, of course, Jesus was known as " a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief..". Even tempting emotions need not be sinful. Jesus was "tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin". Yet there is indeed a deep connection between our emotions and our character. Are Emotions Important? Do They Build Christian Character And Ethics? The common observation of philosophers and theologians as diverse as Aristotle and C.S.Lewis has been that right affections and emotions form the basis for right morality. If we love the good and abhor the evil we are far more likely to be good. And if we hate bribes and value integrity we are far more likely to be honest. Ethics is not a purely intellectual exercise. From antiquity it has involved feeling, thinking and acting rightly. True agape love has emotions that are ethical. "Love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth" (1 Corinthians 13:6). Being horrified by certain sins is a good and moral thing. Rejoicing in the truth is a right emotional response for the disciple. Our emotional valuation of life should be in agreement with our ethical stance. In biblical terms the person who is right emotionally loves good and hates evil. In their emotions they value what God values. The emotionally perfected Christian is not just "together" or integrated in the secular sense rather they are righteous and just and holy and perfectly loving. Their emotions agree with their ethics which agree with the Scriptures which agree with God. What we like and dislike gradually shapes the course of our life and character. This is why TV and advertising can have such a profound effect. It teaches us to like a certain lifestyle filled with material things and to value being sexy and attractive. It teaches us, ever so gradually not to dislike fornication and adultery. Rarely does it blatantly say "adultery is good" – it just teaches people to like the idea of being attractive to many people and to be quietly thrilled by the notion of perhaps having many sexual partners. Thus, over time their ethical resolve is weakened, the emotions that drive holiness are eroded and thousands of Christians fall into sin they would not have contemplated too many years ago. What we like and dislike, what we value and esteem, is critical to what we will eventually become. Unfortunately we have divorced emotions from ethics. We see ethics as "our opinion" about things not our reaction to things. At times we even train ourselves to think one way and feel
another. We ask people to be righteous and biblical yet feel embarrassed at our fellow Christian who get genuinely get angry over sin and moral decay. By doing this we say its Ok to just have notions not emotions. That Christianity is best kept in the head not in the heart. Then we wonder why they do not give and why they do not commit to discipleship! We teach Christian young people to be sexy, sophisticated and emotionally unshockable then expect them to value chastity. We are asking the impossible. Our emotions reflect what we value and cherish, admire and love and they also reflect what we dislike loath and reject. Our emotions undergird our choices and our choices form the foundations for our character and destiny. If our emotions are askew our choices and destiny will surely follow suite. During my university years I often tutored high school students in calculus. The biggest obstacle was nearly always emotional rather than intellectual. It was moving the student past emotional valuations such as "I hate maths" and "homework is horrible". Because they had been taught by parents and peers that mathematics was odious and loathsome and homework was dull they were not doing their work. Because they were not doing their work they were failing mathematics. If they failed mathematics they would not get into university in Australia or into a decent career. Their emotional attitude, learned from others, was affecting their entire future. The ability to delay gratification is fundamental to the development of good character. An experiment was set up where small children were given a choice: one marshmallow now, or two in ten minutes time. To get two marshmallows they had to delay gratification - a basic skill in managing and discipling their emotions. When the children were then followed up in a longitudinal study the difference between the "grabbers" and the "patient" was incredible. The most impatient and impulsive achieved less and got into trouble more while the most patient were more successful in practically every sphere of life. In fact this test proved more predictive of success at school and in life than IQ tests or any other social variable. This simple act of emotional management was a key to later success in life. Thus right emotions are an important part of right character and right ethics and right emotions undergird right choices and right destiny. To emotionally rejoice in truth, to celebrate justice, to delight in noble actions and to embrace compassion and mercy is to have emotions that complement our faith. On the other hand confused emotions can destabilise us and create conflicts. Finally the presence of strong lustful and evil emotions can drive us to sin and blind us to truth. Thus sorting ourselves out emotionally is much more than just getting our act together. It is getting our heart in line with our faith and with our God. But which way is up? How can we know which emotions are right, which are wrong and which are neutral? How can we get an idea of what an emotionally together and righteous and holy Christian looks like? As in everything else Jesus is our model and that is the subject of the next chapter Discussion Questions
1. What have you learned from this chapter?
2. What are the differences between holy emotions, human emotions and fleshly emotions?
3. How do emotions fit into the Christian life?
4. What would the Christian life be like without emotions?
5. Are people in your church generally threatened by emotional change or generally comfortable with emotional change?
6. Are extroverts more spiritual than introverts, or vice versa or doesn't it matter?
Can Jesus Be Our Model For Biblical EQ? (Hebrews 12:1-2 NKJV) Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, {2} looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
It is one of the key teachings of Christianity that our Master and Model is Jesus Christ and we are to be conformed into His image and be like Him in all respects. Lets look at two well-known verses in this regard:
!! " " # "$ % & ' ( ) * " * + "* ! + , God's plan for our lives is that we become conformed to the image of His Son. Now to "grow up in all aspects into Him" includes the emotional aspects of the nature of Jesus Christ. Becoming emotionally mature and skilled is part of our sanctification - but it is only a part. There are many other aspects of sanctification as well such as faith, knowledge and purity. Growing up emotionally is important and it's the part of sanctification that this book will focus on but please don't get the impression that I think Biblical EQ is all there is to sanctification. Is Jesus Christ An Appropriate Model For Emotional Maturity? There are a number of objections that people might think of against using Jesus Christ as our Model of EQ: 1. The standard's too high, the idea is terrifying, it just gives me a panic attack to think of it. I can never be like that. 2. He was God and sinless, I'm neither. He had an unfair advantage. What's possible for him is just not possible for me. 3. There isn't enough information in Scripture to make a judgment. Its an argument from silence. You can just make Jesus into whatever you want Him to be to suit your purposes. 4. He was Jewish and lived in the Third World 2000 years ago and just ambled around the place healing lepers. What would He know about the pressures of corporate life and the emotional jungle that my office is? OR I'm a woman, He was a man and totally different emotionally. Its just silly to ask me to be like Jesus. 5. Jesus was a prophet and had the emotions of a prophet. I could never be that confrontational - its not my spiritual gift. 6. Jesus? High EQ? Kind of lacking in social skills if you ask me! I'm much more tactful and artful that that. Don't ask me to act in ways that get you nailed to a lump of wood. Well lets look at some ways we can answer those objections and the assumptions that underlie them.
Objection 1: The Standard Is Too High Solution: Jumping Off Jacob's Ladder - Getting Rid Of Legalism Over Emotions Many evangelicals have a "Jacob's Ladder" view of the spiritual life with Jesus at the top and host of angels in-between and Christians climbing up rung by painful rung. The idea
is to ascend to perfection, to strive to arrive. One slip and you tumble to the bottom to start all over again. Those that adhere to this view of spirituality are always envying those ahead of them, clinging on to the ladder for dear life, and having not too much to do with those "below" lest they get dragged down. This view of the Christian life is thoroughly unbiblical. Ephesians 2:6 tells us that all those who are in Christ are already seated with Him in heavenly realms and Hebrews 12 tells us that we have come (past tense) to the Heavenly Zion. In Christ we have already arrived in terms of spiritual status. There is no ladder and if there is all born-again Christians are standing shoulder to shoulder on the top rung as brothers of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 2:10-15). We have been saved by grace and not by our own spiritual strivings (Eph 2:8-10) and there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) including condemnation about our emotional life. Aspiring to be like Jesus is not a matter of status or spiritual ascent. It's a journey, a destination, a joyous arriving. It was what we were made to be like from all eternity. If we view our emotional life as an indicator of spiritual status then it will be utterly terrifying to think of Jesus as our model. Every emotional insecurity will seem a "sin" and every lustful thought a pathway to Hell. If we judge ourselves and rate our spiritual life by the difference between our emotional life and the emotional life of Christ, by how far we have yet to go on our imaginary Jacob's ladder, then all we will feel is endless guilt and insecurity. By trying to go up, you will go under. If you recognize yourself as being on an imaginary Jacob's Ladder - then its time to "jump off". To let go of striving and relentless self-assessment. To stop comparing yourself to those around you. To let the strain of sanctification go and to instead to learn how to receive grace so that you grow far more quickly than you can in your own strength. When I am saying "lets consider Jesus as our model for the emotional life of the Christian" I am NOT setting a new standard to be "lived up to" by discipline and selfcontrol. Your discipline and self-control will run out long before you reach that standard! Being like Jesus is our vision and our destination. We fix our eyes on Jesus, we seek to grow up into Him, we pattern ourselves after Him. It becomes an exploration and an adventure, a time of growing and learning, a receiving of grace upon grace as we learn to be like Him. It is a gracious growing - not a terrifying ascent. Objection 2 - He was God and that's cheating! Solution: He was also fully human. Jesus was the prototype of the perfect Christian, the elder brother among many brethren. We are of the same kind as Him. Jesus was not some aloof divine maharaja floating six inches above the ground, another category of being entirely from you and I. Jesus is God yet He was also fully human and tempted in every point as we are and still retains that humanity in Heaven as our faithful high priest.
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+ %/( ) 0 " + * " * ?! + $ + ./( @ 0* $ " + " * " + ! ./( A 08 " " !! * * " " " ; ./( 0 ! !* ! . This passage and others like it in Hebrews (4:14-16, 5:7-10) emphasize that life or Jesus was difficult. It was so difficult that it was quite rightly described as suffering and had all the emotional hallmarks of suffering. It was no light suffering for it was to have the effect of perfecting Him! It was a suffering that matured His obedience by testing it under very stressful conditions. As we shall see Jesus was pressed again and again to almost breaking point but He never sinned. Though He was God He laid aside those privileges (Philippians 2:5-11) to become fully human and a servant and was "made like His brethren in all things that He might become a merciful and faithful High Priest". He was made like us in our experiences of hunger, thirst, tiredness, frustration, misunderstanding, betrayal and even of unjust treatment by others. Even a cursory reading of the gospels will tell you that He did not just cruise through these experiences. He wept, He rebuked, He cried out, He rejoiced, He got angry, He became "troubled in spirit", He groaned in anguish and sweated drops of blood. Life for Jesus was difficult and it was often emotionally intense. This has made Him merciful in His role as high priest for He has fully been where we are. In fact the reason we can be like Jesus is because became very much like us. In fact He calls us "brethren" ( ( which means that we are enough alike Him to be considered family and to bear a close "genetic relationship" that has some sort of equality about it. The Scriptures also say that we share the heavenly realms with Christ Jesus, and are members of Heavenly Zion & @ ( # ' .Therefore we are literally "in the same realm" as Christ Jesus. Romans 8:29 tells us that we will be conformed to His image almost like someone pressed into a mould. Our shape will be the same as His shape. We will be like Him. There will be a resemblance. We can resemble Him because he chose to resemble us. Finally Ephesians 4:15, which I quote often in this book ,says we are to be made like Him "in all respects". That's a very close likeness. To dramatize this with a touch of humourimagine I was to compare a trout with a horse using these same criteria. Can a trout occupy the same realms a horse? No, a trout swims in the river and a horse gallops on land.. Can a trout be called a brother of a horse in any genetic likeness? Not at all.! Can a trout be made into the image of a horse or expect to be made like a horse in all things? Its ridiculous. In order to occupy the same realms, be brothers and be able to transformed into Christ Jesus we must be very much LIKE Jesus. In fact we are like Jesus because we are fully human and He became fully human. He became like us so that we could become like Him. Jesus took on our emotional life so that it may be redeemed and become like His emotional life. Finally we share a common destiny with Jesus Christ and a common home.
B ( ' ( #' C B > 14 $ * * %$ * + ; + 7 ./ 0127 $ D* $ % 2* + $ * .2" !$ * ./< 0 1 2" !$ * 2 !" ! + $ * 7 $ % 2 $ * $ ./' 01 2"$ * $ $ * .1 "That where I am you may be also". This is not just the offer of streets of gold. It's the offer of an elder brother to His younger brethren. Its fellowship, its love and its family. We shall be enough like Jesus to be considered family. He as the Son of God and we as sons of God. When we are made in all aspects like Him and conformed to His image we
will share His habitations and have meaningful fellowship with our Lord and God. Going back to our trout and our horse - there is no possibility of meaningful fellowship there. It is only in likeness and communication that there can be fellowship with God. Jesus is not alien to us but in fellowship with us and we can be like Him. Our emotions, in the end, will be fitted for life in eternity with God. The goal of biblical EQ is thus not commercial success or social popularity but fellowship with God and harmony in Heaven. Objection 3: There isn't enough information about His emotional life to base an EQ theory on. Solution: There is enough to give us key reference points so we can gain a reasonable impression of what it means to have a redeemed and Christ-like emotional life. The information about the emotional life of Jesus is contained both in direct references to His humanity such as "Jesus wept" in John 11 and in broader more theological references that imply His full humanity and complete goodness. For instance John calls Him "the light of life" and states that darkness had no place in Him and could not overpower Him. To have no "darkness" in one's spirit is to have emotions that are never deceitful, false, envious, spiteful, grumbling or small-minded. All his emotions were "light" not in the sense of light-hearted but as in the sense of positive, true and illuminating, righteous, appropriate and genuine. There was never a snicker or a snarl, never a dark brooding, violent emotion. Whether in tears or triumph the emotions of Jesus were noble, wise, good and perfectly righteous. Then there are the direct references. A survey of any good systematic theology such as Erickson or Grudem will find a wealth of information under the heading "the humanity of Jesus" as well as a good discussion of the complexities this entails (such as how the divine and the human were combined in one person). I will leave these intricacies to the theologians and will just list some of the biblical references which show how complete His humanity and emotional life was: Jesus experienced hunger 7 ' ( ( , thirst B ( , fatigue B ' @ , He rejoiced at the end of the sending out of the seventy-two 4 * ( - ( marveled at the faith of the centurion 7 ( - and felt love for the rich, young ruler 7 ( - ( . His most frequent emotion is compassion which is recorded 11 times in the gospels "7 < @ . Anger was part of life for Jesus such as when He became angry at the Pharisees for their hardened cruelty 7 < ) . Zeal for God's honor caused Him to cleanse the temple B ( A . He grew in stature and in wisdom and in favor with God and man 4 * ) was subjected to highpowered temptation 7 ' ( #( ( , and learned obedience without sinning ) # . He had some of life's more painful emotions as well. For instance He wept 4 * ( ' ( B ( ( < ) , His soul was troubled B ( A and a while later He was "troubled in spirit" B ( < ( . He underwent extreme emotional distress to the point of death 7 @ < @ #' ( and prayed with loud cries and tears ) A . Finally of course he experienced an agonizing death on a cross. 7 A < ' #) ' with its attendant feelings of abandonment 7 A ' @ . The way Jesus processed His emotional life can also be deduced from some of the incidents in His life. For instance He was extraordinarily calm in the face of storms and authoritative even in the face of arrest. He was an accessible person who was a "friend of sinners" and seemed to enjoy a reasonable social life with stable friendships with His disciples and with the household of Lazarus, Mary and Martha at Bethany. He had an inner circle of Peter, James and John and the apostle John seems to have been a true friend and was known as "the disciple whom Jesus loved". Thus there is sufficient evidence from direct references, incidents in the gospels and proper theological inference
to construct a reasonable portrait of the emotional life of Jesus - at least one that can inform our discussion of biblical EQ. Objection 4: Jesus is not a culturally relevant or gender relevant model for the emotional life I lead. To ask me to model my emotional life on His is inappropriate. Solution: The cultural details of Jesus life are scant. God seems to have mainly preserved only those details about Jesus that are relevant for all places and times. The core message of who Jesus is has been perceived by Jew and Gentile, slave and free, male and female down the centuries. We will find out that Jesus shows us how to cope with pressure, express anger, set limits and boundaries, participate in grief and feel for the lost, the sick and the downtrodden. No one argues that Jesus shows us how to have compassion and love as our primary emotional realities. These are the sort of principles that survive cultural and gender differences. Each of the EQ skills that Jesus displayed is written into Scripture for our instruction. Much about His personality is left out - even such vital details as His age or His personal preferences. This means that those details that are in there (e.g. He is recorded 9 times as saying thanks at meals) are ones that the Holy Spirit wanted to draw attention to and are largely personality independent. [ In the case of "saying grace" it is the value of being thankful and cultivating a life of gratitude for daily provision.] Millions of people in dozens of cultures find the gospel accounts of Jesus highly relevant to their situation. Using Jesus as our model means following what Scripture says not what medieval paintings portray. There is no indication that Jesus had a beard or long hair or was slightly effeminate looking. All these cultural details are absent from the gospels. What is present is the account of a person with a remarkable understanding of humanity and an enormous desire to heal it and redeem it. If we mould our passions on His passions we will be highly relevant people in a very needy world. Objection 5: Jesus had a totally different spiritual gifting. I could never be as assertive, confident or confrontational as He comes across as in the gospel narratives. Solution: Becoming like Jesus is not about becoming a clone of a prophet but is a unique journey of self-discovery. God does make us each very different and He certainly does not ask us all to be evangelists or prophets. In fact it is quite clear that there is no one "right" Christian personality. Some are like Peter or Paul, while others resemble Moses, Daniel, Barnabas or Elijah. Yet as different as each of these people are or were, each of them was Christlike. There is almost a trick to this. If I imitate another human e.g. Billy Graham, I end up not being myself in the end yet if I imitate Jesus the reverse happens – I find myself. This is because Jesus is the center of humanity and the crown of humanity and we were all created by Him and for Him and in him everything holds together, including our personalities (Colossians 1:15-20). Thus becoming like Jesus is like a journey to the center of the Universe, full of adventures and surprises where we end up back where we began but marvelously transformed. When the timid person decides to become like Jesus he finds new boldness. When the sarcastic wit decides to become like Jesus she finds new gentleness and tact. When the messed up and confused person decides to become like Jesus, clarity appears as if from nowhere. The gospels talk about losing yourself in order to find yourself and indeed we do. One person sets out, another returns who is somewhat similar but entirely different. The timid person loses their fear that they have harbored for so long, the sarcastic person loses their cruelty, the disordered person loses their freedom to be foolish. No-one becoming like Jesus becomes a clone. Its not a journey to a single point, a "dot" we must all approximate. We don't all end up in Jerusalem wearing sandals. Maybe it's a bit like a spiritual black hole in which we seem to vanish but actually end up on a journey in another Universe traveling faster than the speed of light .
Objection 6: Jesus was tactless and His "high EQ" just got Him crucified. That is not something ordinary people should imitate. They should be tactful and careful. Solution: Jesus was not tactless, He was an effective agent of change and a brilliant communicator who was steadfastly opposed. His EQ skills made Him effective and powerful and thus are worth imitating. The ministry of Jesus and His EQ skills seem to have gone through three stages: Favor: First Jesus grew in favor with God and man (Luke 2:52). Secondly His early ministry was characterized by people being astonished at the gracious words that fell from His lips. (Luke 4:22). At this stage His EQ skills make Him perceptive, gracious and tactful. Effectiveness: Where He taught with authority and challenged the teachings of the scribes and the Pharisees. Some opposed, many listened, His following grew. His opponents were infuriated by Him, but at this stage they were not yet afraid of him. At this stage His EQ skills make Him authoritative and effective as a public speaker and prophetic teacher Power: Jesus eventually became a national political and religious figure that many people wanted to see become King. He was able to challenge the highest authorities in the land and to create genuine fear in His opponents. His enemies were now truly afraid of Him and plotted His death like that of any political enemy. At this stage His EQ skills make Him a skilful leader of a mass movement and also someone able to withstand enormous pressure and persecution. For Christians the development of a high biblical EQ goes through these same three stages of favor, effectiveness and power . Stage One is "growing in favor" where EQ skills are honed and refined and poor strategies are discarded. Stage Two is effectiveness where EQ skills are honed in one's own home town and district and an effective and authoritative ministry develops. Stage Three is power when EQ skills are used to effect large scale change in one's community such as being a community organizer, politician, writer, moral crusader, preacher or evangelist. These latter stages generally provoke a reaction from the Evil One who launches his attacks against the now highly effective Christian. Two Scriptures are relevant here:
8 $ < ( C B > 9 + " $ , B * * !* . 7 ( @ ' # C B > 8 B * ! 12$ ! 7 $ * ! 7 ./ ) 01+ + * + 7 $ ./ @ 01 " * E 6 " + F !" * E / A 01 7 ! "$ " !!! " . Godliness will attract the scorn of some and the hatred of a few. If those few occupy places of power than the persecution can be trying indeed. Nevertheless we are called to be lights in the midst of darkness and sheep in the midst of wolves; as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves. A high EQ will enable you to skillfully handle high level social and political issues and be a real influence for good in your society. However this will attract attention, envy, rivalry, and in some cases ridicule, scorn and hatred. The prophet Daniel is a prime example of this. His high biblical EQ , wisdom and maturity made him effective and influential but made others envious and landed him in the lions den amongst other places. But God delivered him! My experience of Christian political involvement is that the persecution is always more than I wanted but always far
less than I feared. If you strive to attain the EQ of Jesus Christ you will eventually become so gracious, poised, and authoritative that you will have a real presence that makes a difference at national and international levels. Unfortunately you will also have real enemies opposing the righteous changes that you are seeking to bring about. Then its time to take up your cross and follow Him! Conclusion So we see that Jesus is indeed a very adequate, and in fact ideal model for the development of the Christian's emotional life. This is a high calling and in some ways a daunting one. How did Jesus cope? What gave Him the strength? Or as His neighbors in Nazareth said when He returned from the wilderness "Where did He get this wisdom from?" From the Holy Spirit! And the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of Jesus – particularly in His emotions, soul and spirit, is the subject of the next fascinating chapter. Discussion Questions
1. How scary is it to have Jesus as the model for your emotional life? Is it adventurous scary or terrifying scary?
2. How much like Jesus can we hope to be?
3. What is the best thing about having Jesus as our spiritual model?
4. How can we "jump off Jacob's ladder"?
5. Name the three stages Jesus went through in developing His EQ skills?
6. At what stage are you at in developing your own EQ skills? 7. Name six emotions that Jesus felt. What do you think it was like for Him?
The Holy Spirit, The Emotional Life of Jesus, And The Emotional Life Of The Spirit-Filled Believer. (Isaiah 11:1-2 NKJV) There shall come forth a Rod from the stem of Jesse, And a Branch shall grow out of his roots. {2} The Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon Him, The Spirit of wisdom and understanding, The Spirit of counsel and might, The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD.
The central teaching of this book is that as part of their redemption Christians are to take on the emotional life of their Saviour and that this occurs as a result of the power of the Holy Spirit who transforms us into the image of the Son of God. If the Holy Spirit is indeed the divine dynamic and the agent of deep emotional transformation then we should see some evidence of that in His work in the life of Jesus. Obvious questions arise that we will investigate such as: Did His baptism and empowerment with the Holy Spirit change Him or did He remain just the same? Are there any hints that the Holy Ghost lay behind the impressiveness of His personality? Can we appropriate some of the same power that moved Jesus ? The Baptism of Jesus and His EQ While Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man there was also a sudden break in His life, a radical change in His emotions and personal authority so that those who knew Him said "where did He get this wisdom from…."
7 ( < ) ' #) C B > ! !* $ * " $ ""* $ 13 7 " " $ E /) ) 012 ! DE 2 ! 7 $ E B B B * E /) @ 01 $ * E 3 7 " "E 1/) A 0 $ .* B * 1 * F ! !* $ * .1/) 0 $ " $ !* * . He had changed! While Luke shows us that Jesus was a child prodigy (Luke 2:42-50) no-one expected Him to turn into a miracle working prophet. The transition from promising youth to powerful prophet seems to have come at His baptism. There was a massive empowering work of the Holy Spirit that changed Jesus just as Pentecost changed the disciples. The highest level EQ skills such as boldness and courage and skill in healing and proclamation are Holy Spirit endowed. The early church realized this when they prayed for boldness and the room shook! (Acts 4:29-31). EQ change empowered by the Holy Spirit can be remarkable and sudden and leave others astonished. I can testify personally to a remarkable change in one meeting in September 1978 when I went from being a timid and secretive Christian to being as bold as a lion and an ardent evangelist!
The Body of Jesus and The Holy Spirit As we all know our physical state and our emotional state are closely connected. We are more disposed to get angry when we are tired or hungry. We also seem to inherit certain emotional dispositions from our parents. We are "hard-wired" from birth into a certain emotional disposition (however this can later be altered as we shall see). This can be as toxic as a problem with rage or as beneficial as the ability to be enraptured by music. The Holy Spirit set Jesus' genetic structure at conception so that He was unusually inclined to love righteousness and hate wickedness (Hebrews 1:9). A passage from Hebrews indicates that His body was prepared for him by God, so that Jesus would love to do the will of God. (emphasis mine)
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Here we see that as Jesus came into the world He had a body prepared for Him by the Father and the express intent of His coming into the world was "to do Your will O God.." Jesus had a body that was free from sinful genetic predispositions towards rage, alcoholism, drug addiction, or whatever other negative traits that can be passed on genetically. Basically Jesus was born without any sinful dispositions. His body and nervous system were formed to do the will of God by the creative, body-renewing and forming work of the Holy Spirit. If the creative work of the Holy Spirit was able to make Jesus' body such that it was free from sinful tendencies then obviously that power can go to work in our bodies also. This gives us hope that long standing biological urges can be erased by the healing and renewing ministry of the Holy Spirit and countless Christian recovery programs attest that this is the case. Alcoholics can and do lose the biological desire to drink, homosexuals can and do have their sexual orientation set right, drug addicts can and do completely lose their cravings, sex addicts can be and are freed from the torment of 24hr a day lust. But is this a realistic and a scriptural expectation? Lets look at Romans 8:11
"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." The Holy Spirit can give life to our mortal bodies – not just our resurrection bodies, but the very bodies we have now, our mortal bodies. His renewing life can pulse through us and cleanse us from sins and addictions just as he can heal a person from illness or disease. Like a divine electrician he can fix the fuse box and rewire the house so the circuitry functions as it was always meant to – for the glory of God. The biological basis of sin is not separate from the spiritual basis of sin. When God delivers you from sin He can deliver you from sin in your spirit, sin in your soul and eventually from the power of sin in your members. He can fix the physical and medical basis of rage, lust, addictions and anti-social behaviour. Minimal brain dysfunction, ADHD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and whatever else may be engraved in our neural tissue - can be healed by the Holy Spirit. Lets see how this happened for the Christians at Corinth:
( , @ #( ( C B > : $ * * " * " ; E : ! + . ! * F * /( - 0 + !+ * * + F " ; ./( ( 0 ! !" ! ! #! 4 B * $ * ; . The Corinthian Christians has come from some pretty terrible backgrounds including fornication and adultery (sexual addiction), homosexuals and sodomites (probably pedophiles in this case), and drunkards (alcoholics). These behaviors are generally acknowledged to have a strong and persistent biological and neurological component. However they are now PAST behaviors, they have been repented of and forsaken and the Corinthians are now washed and made holy! "Such WERE some of you" - its over, dealt with, fixed. And this transformation took place "in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God". Paul puts it this way….
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constructing the body of Jesus so that it was prepared to do God's will can be done for you as well "for nothing is impossible to him who believes".
The Soul and Spirit of Jesus Listed below are all the direct gospel references to the soul and spirit of Jesus Christ.
7 @ < C B > 8 17 $ * F ! "$ * + . $ ! 7 .1 7 A ) - C B > B * ! * " * + ! $ * . 7 C B > * $ B * ! + $ * + 13 $ $ * * " $ * E 7 ( C B > * " $ 13 $ " "E * $ 2$ $ * " " + " .1 7 ( ' < ' C B > 8 17 $ * F ! "$ * + . $ !.1 4 * ( - ( C B > 2 * B * ? ! 12 9 * 4 + 9 * + " * + .& + " 9 * " . 4 * < ' @ 2> B * ! * * + !1 $ * 2! $ .13 . B ( ( < < C B > 8 B * " B ! "" * . B ( A C B > 1 7 $ * * 2$ E D + 7 * DE * * 2! * . B ( < ( C B > 3 B * " * 17 * $ 2$ $ * $ * $ 7 .1 B ( < - 2> 3 ! + B * 12 .13 "+ * . Three things especially stand out: