The End Of A Journey
THE END OF A JOURNEY
To her daughter, Mary Berenson, and her granddaughters, Ray and Karin Costelloe Aet. 76.
IFFLEY, Sept. 29, 1908 .
This morning I had the great delight of your first letters, which comforted my old grandmotherly heart not a little.
It is lovely to think that we have all been a joy and comfort to one another throughout our lives together; and now that you young fledglings are trying your wings, I am sure you will be no less a joy and comfort even though henceforth I can only watch your flights, and no longer carry you in my arms, or guide your feet.
I tell them all photographing me is of no use, as know I cannot make a good picture at my age, and I do not intend to leave behind me any picture that is not good looking!!
Why should I?
You all declare I am good looking, and I want to leave behind me proofs that you have been telling the truth !
Letters from Ray and Karin arrived this morning declaring a state of gluttony that is hard to understand when one sits down to tough beef, and carrots and parsnips, and the inevitable caramel pudding.
I should enjoy a good feast of splendid big fried oysters, I must confess, and corn, and lima beans, and eggplant, etc. etc.
Nov. 10, 1908 Miss Fullerton has just come home from a visit to Henry James.
He was overcome with shyness, and
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REBEL I expect so was she or they never would have chosen anything so banal as my rheumatism to talk about!
He never seemed to be satisfied, but would go into every detail of my rheumatism and what I was doing for it, and how much it crippled me, etc. etc.
Perhaps his novel, which he said he was writing, has a rheumatic heroine in it.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 76.
ACLAND NURSING HOME, OXFORD, Wov. 13, 1908
Mrs. Rollings and I are comfortably settled into this Nursing Home, waiting for a doctor from London to make an examination.
I inform the doctor that, as a specialist is going to examine me, he is sure to find what he is looking for, and of course I shall have to have an operation of what he finds.
They all say it will relieve me entirely, but I doubt it.
However, by the time this reaches thee it will all be settled and done with.
IfI should die, which of course is always possible, what I would like would be to be cremated, and no funeral, and no weeping relatives to gather around my bed.
Thee must not think of coming over no matter what happens.
I do not expect to make an edifying death-bed, and I would far rather no on should " gather around" it.
Nov. 22, 1908 Thy loving letter came this morning and was a joy to my heart.
I cannot understand how thee can love me so much, but I am very happy that thee does, and I shall keep it at the back of my mind, as a downright comfort and stand-by that, if I need thee, thee will really and truly be glad to come.
Had I been going
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to have a severe operation I certainly should have wanted thee, but I have put my foot down about that, and do not intend at my age, to pay any man £100 to cut me up.
I must wait with very joyful anticipations for the happy call to my home in Heaven, only hoping and praying it may come before I get too old and decrepit to be any longer lovable.
My one greatest of all alleviations is in my children and grandchildren.
When I think of the joy I have had all my life in you, I feel struck with wonder that such joys can exist in a world like this.
In looking over my old papers I came across a love letter I wrote thee for thy 19th birthday, and it brought back with great vividness the delight I had in thy girlhood, and the continuing delight of all thy womanhood, even although I could not always approve of all thee did.
I put it in an envelope to send thee, and now I am not sure whether I sent it or not, although I cannot find it.
If I sent it I hope it has made thee happy, as thy letter has made me.
May God watch between us, my precious daughter, and keep our mutual love bright to the end !
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 76.
IFFLEY, Nov. 26, 1908 This is the first Christmas for twenty-one years that I have not had the children to cater for, and I feel quite lost without them.
What a joy and delight they have been to me!
Between you, thee and them,— you have given me forty years of happy interests, and with all my heart I thank you.
Forty years is a good stretch of life, when you come to think of it; and I daresay, before I am done, it will mount up to forty-
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REBEL five.
I am already beginning to look forward to your home-coming ; and it almost reconciles me to going on living, if I may feel that this may be your home for all the years that lie before me.
Now that the girls are grown up, I shall not take any responsibility about them any more, and they may come and go as they please, and I will not worry if they are out late on the river, or spoil all their clothes !
I shall dismiss them from the caretaking side of my mind, and keep them simply and solely for the joy and delight of my pleasure-taking side.
And when I think of the pure delight of having you all making this your home, 1 feel rather glad you have not got any other
English home to entice you away from me.
I am sure you could get along with Logan, for he is most easy and comfortable to live with when you once understand his little peculiarities.
I think the last book I write must be called "' The Secrets of the Bladder'', and the motto on the title page shall be '' For ways that are dark and tricks that | are vain, consider the Bladder" !
The minute anything turns up that is likely to add to my comfort, you may all rest assured I will have it, no matter what it costs.
I consider it is my first duty in life to make myself as comfortable as is possible, so you may make all your minds easy on that score.
This is my interpretation of the text, "' He giveth us richly all things to enjoy."
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Mel. 773
IFFLEY, july 18, 1909 I certainly am not good for much, and I cannot help wondering why I should be left to cumber the
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ground, or why any old people are.
If it was only arranged for us to die off automatically say at 70, how much suffering and how much money could. be saved, and how much pleasanter memories we would leave behind us!
I am thankful you are none of you here to worry over my attack of pain, for I cannot bear anyone near me. I really think if a company of angels from Heaven should come to visit me, I would lock the door on them !
The plan must wait awhile, until I am dead anyhow.
I am afraid all my (Here I went unexpectedly to sleep, and what I was afraid of I cannot imagine, and now I must close for the post.) To her daughter, Mary Berenson Att. 77.
; '
October 4, 1909 I told Logan and Ray at dinner last night with great glee that sometimes I have a lovely whizzing or buzzing in my head that I hope means apoplexy, and it quite heartens me to think that the time may be shorter than I fear.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 77.
IFFLEY, Nov. 11, 1909 I am enclosing an interesting " find " I came across in a box of tracts the other day.
It is a little life of me by Frances Willard, and it surprised me very much to find what a nice person I was! I really had no idea of it!
Whether true or not, it is what Frances thought of me, and to look like that sort of person in
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REBEL her eyes I feel to be a decided feather in my cap.
Thee has no idea how set up I am in my own opinion !
I asked Ray if she knew what falling in love means.
She said, '' Yes, it means feeling what you feel for your friends, only more so."
But that does not seem to me adequate.
How would thee define it? And to me "love at first sight" is an unknown and unexplored region.
I cannot conceive of it.
Perhaps your trip to Rome will break the spell of poor B. B.'s rage at the things that go wrong at I Tatti.
I really cannot blame him, for from all thy accounts it must be more than human nature can be
> _ expected to bear.
In comparison our lives seem like peaceful unruffled mountain lakes.
Only just at this moment there is a ruffle, as I have lost the Water Rates paper.
(But now I have suddenly remembered where it is, so that ruffle is over.) aks We have another worry too over Grace's cottage.
The day after Grace left, a man and his wife came as tenants, who seemed all that was respectable, and who paid a month's rent in advance.
We felt quite pleased.
_ But they have turned out to be most disreputable.
They keep an army of dogs and parrots, etc. on our carpets ; they are covering all our nice clean walls with filth; they won't pay any more rent; they quarrel like cats and dogs; and they won't go out, though Logan has given them notice.
They call Logan a " female worm", because he is so gentlemanly in his methods, I suppose, and he, poor fellow, is powerless, and of course I am too,
Thee says, and most truly, that all this grapple to live cannot be the end-all and be-all of our sojourn in this world.
If it were, suicide would be a virtue as well as an enormous privilege.
But as soon as one sees that the whole thing is part of the process of our
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_ evolution into the likeness and image of God, it becomes _ glorified ; and we can embrace every pang and every worry as most valuable gifts and blessings. .
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 77.
IFFLEY, Dec. 5, 1909 I am all alone, but I have in my bladder one faithful companion who never leaves me for five minutes at a time, and whose demands are incessant—my Mistress of Ceremonies ; so I cannot be lonely.
I have had plenty of time to think over thy letter, with much of which I heartily agree, and that is that if one wants to have a home the woman must make it.
It is manifest that this is our share in the family arrangement, and that.we must put our best energies into it.
But then it is also manifest that we must not undertake a style of housekeeping that is not to our taste, and to which our capabilities are not equal, for we shall be sure to make a failure of it, and if B. B. goes on worrying about your house as he has been doing, he will end in an asylum, I am afraid.
If one believed in Black Magic, one would think Mrs. Ross must be directing it against you.
Ask her if she believes in it, and, if she does, whether she ever exercises it, and see what she says.
I cannot comprehend that "last word" in Art, if the picture thee drew is a sample.
There is not one hint of Art in it to my mind.
B. B. has got up so high that I think he must have fallen backwards and doesn't know it.
Do tell me soberly whether that woodenlike creature in the Chinese book is really considered good
Art.
It seems incredible to me.
And Matisse, too, the man who, when he paints a side face, puts an eye
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REBEL in the cheek, so as to have two eyes—does B. B. really consider that Art?
Logan says Roger Fry does !
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 77.
IFFLEY, Dec. 14, 1909 Men are by nature unreasonable and have to be cajoled.
They cannot be driven but must be coaxed.
One feels undignified in descending to such methods, and yet I feel sure it is the best way.
From the fact of their position of Lordship, encouraged at first by the wife's self-abnegation, they get to a place where they have to be managed ; and the wives I have known who have made a success of marriage have always been women to pet and coax their husbands.
No man can resist petting and coaxing.
It is one of my uncomfortable days, and I cannot write, much.
I do not believe there is such an allabsorbing occupation to be found anywhere as the one
I am kept busy with, namely waiting on my " Mistress of Ceremonies"'.
There is not a single five minutes in the day when she is not making some demand or other ; and she is only quiet when I fall asleep' for two or three hours in my chair at night. It really does seem a ridiculous occupation for a woman with brains !
It really is amazing how your '"' Woes " continue to be unending!
It must be intended to teach you the unalterable imperfection of all human things ; and I believe in the end you will have to settle down to it, and consent to stop short of perfection.
I long ago had to do this, and it has produced such a feeling of being only a stranger and a pilgrim here, with my real home beyond, that it has relieved me immensely.
Poor B. B. will just have to settle down to having things
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wrong; and then he will not mind, and it will not make much difference in the end.
Life, I find, is full of "' settlings down "', and nothing really matters except one's own spirit, and one's health.
But as long as you have " woes"? to relate we must hear them, and shall never be tired of hearing.
You have certainly had at least 150 by this time, or even 200.
We go with thee step by step in all thy experiences, and daily letters are the principal excitements of our day.
They are like a serial story in the morning paper.
This sentence expresses my Theology in a few words:
"It is enough to know that God's responsibility is irrevocable, and His resources limitless."
This covers the whole ground of my heresies.
Bythe-bye, when I say it is foolish to try to be pious when God only wants us to be happy, I mean of course by pious that side of religion that consists in emotions, and pious feelings, and religious performance.
I do not mean being good.
Good we must be, or we cannot be happy, but some of the very best people I know are not pious at all.
They are just plain commonplace good; and to be good is necessarily to be happy.
There is no happiness in the world equal to the happiness of being good.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Act. 77.
IFFLEY, jan. 3, 1910 I am perfectly overwhelmed with Christmas and New Year's cards.
I expect people think, '' Oh, we must not forget the poor old lady," but the poor old lady wants to be neglected, if they only knew.
It does not do to know too much about the private
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REBEL lives of our servants.
Their whole standards are so entirely different from ours that I believe it is impossible for us to understand them.
But God knows our frame and remembers we are but dust, and He must understand the different kinds of dust, one kind as well as another, and must judge accordingly.
But the very thought of the cook hugging her beau in the kitchen irritates me so that I believe if she stayed on I should have nervous prostration.
I wish advertisements did not always seem such gospel truth to me.
But I cannot seem able to believe that anyone would dare to print things that are untrue, even if they do not mind saying them.
I wonder if thee remembers the Chicken Pot-pies of America?
I have the tenderest memories of them, and I have always longed to try having one over here, but never had a chicken to waste on the experiment.
However, as I happened to have one to-day that no one seems likely to want, I am having Mary try a recipe that I have concocted out of an American
Cookery book and out of my memory combined, and for my dinner this evening I shall try the result.
When I read out the recipe to Mary she smiled quite unctuously and said, "' That does sound good," so I have hopes.
I am not having any tea !
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78.
IFFLEY, March 1, 1910 Never shall I forget the wave of enthusiasm that swept over me when, in a London Hotel, I read the reports that were sent to me from America of the Women's Temperance Crusade.
I remember I began to read the accounts as I stood by the window looking
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2il out on the London streets, and I became so absorbed that London and all its sights was utterly forgotten, and > I found myself marching in spirit with my American sisters ; and the first thing I knew I found myself sitting down hard in the nearest chair, and heard myself saying aloud in perfectly triumphant tones over and over, "I belong to those women!
I belong!
I belong!"?
And so I did, from that moment, and no signing of my name or recording of my membership anywhere could make me more completely and utterly one of them.
I wrote over to America at once and told them so, and from that moment it became the chief interest of my life.
The idea of arranging your furniture so as to necessitate knocking fresh holes in your walls, and upsetting your heating apparatus, does not appeal to me as being
| either fun or a proper woe.
All my nearly eighty years of life I have made my furniture arrangements fit in with the existing arrangements of the rooms, and I have lived and flourished under it, and have been happy.
How much you would be saved it you could only walk in my footsteps.
I don't want Ray to get an absolutely incurable disgust for falling in love, which after all has a great deal that is beautiful in it, and I cannot help hoping that she will herself experience a refined form of it.
Sometime ! !
They think thee is deceived in thy cook and say she is like our gardener's wife, so plausible that she can
'twist you around her little finger.
I could easily be deceived by Mrs. B. [the gardener's wife] if it was not that I have found her out in lies, and I know she cheats whenever she can.
But even so, every time she comes to see me, I always believe, while she is with me, that she is the very salt of the earth.
A RELIGIOUS
REBEL To her granddaughter, Ray Costelloe Aet. 78.
IFFLEY, March 22, 1910 I cannot help feeling that to be without any real faith in God, and without knowing of His love and care, is an irreparable loss to the soul, and to all the higher nature ; and opens the door to miseries and unhappiness that could not possibly enter into a heart that hides itself in the keeping of a loving God.
Don't shut thyself out too determinedly against what long years of experience have taught me is by far the purest joy our hearts can hold.
At least, darling Ray, keep an open mind, and listen to the still small voice of God that I am sure speaks to thy inner consciousness sometimes and tries to draw thee to Himself.
To His loving care I commit thee, and, even though thee may not yet thyself know Him, He will always surround thee with His love.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78.
IFFLEY, March 25, 1910 Thy letter received this morning was lovely and long, and it was the only one I had to console me.
I almost live on your dear letters..
As I set forth in moving language to Ray and Karin, if I had not married I would not have had you, and then what would my old age have been ? Daughters are wonderful luxuries !
They are well worth a bad husband in my opinion ; at least mine are : I would have stood any kind of husband for the sake of having you !
I wrote to my praying friend that I thought it was only fair to tell her I was a little better, and that I knew
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no cause for it unless it was her prayers.
But I added that she must restrain her prayers a little, as I did not want to be made entirely well and so lose my chance of going home to Heaven, which I hoped my illness was preparing the way for.
I wonder how she will manage this dilemma.
Yes, all thee says about adjusting your minds to people, when circumstances seem to make it necessary to live with them, is profoundly true.
Once you have really found out a person's incurable weaknesses you can settle down to them and cease to be troubled by them, and can see their virtues instead.
It is a great secret to discover.
'To me it always comes by the way of religion.
I say " Thy will be done" to God about a thing, and it no longer troubles me.
I do not mean, in a case like Lucy's for instance, that it is the will of God that she should be such an unmitigated goose, and that I must say " Thy will be done" to that, but I do mean that, when it seems necessary that a goose should live with me, I can accept the infliction of her presence as the will of God, and should say " Thy will be done" to such infliction.
By whatever process one works, it. is everlastingly true, as Fénelon says, " I conquered my trial by submitting to it?
But I must say I sympathise with you from the bottom of my heart for the amount of boring company you have ; and you do not seem to have hit upon any way to relieve yourselves.
It is pure waste and awfully fatiguing to spend days like the one described in thy letter that came this morning.
If I had not had the excuse of invalidism to save me from the society around here I think I should have lost my reason, and I do not see how you can stand it.
Could you not sometimes excuse yourselves ? Could you not adopt the fashionable way of saying ' Not at
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REBEL home "', or whatever the Italian substitute is for that, and only see the people you invite or who have asked beforehand for interviews?
But ho doubt self-preservation will sooner or later force you to find some relief.
I have had quite a lesson lately on how little we ~ really know what is good for us.
The Donnington Trustees had sold some trees to a lumber merchant, and among them two trees that bordered my view of the river and the bridge over which Alys comes to see me.
I thought these two trees were indispensable to the beauty of my outlook out of my big window in my sitting-room, and I moved Heaven and earth to prevent their being cut down, and made poor Logan do the same.
But everybody concerned was so cantankerous, and the lumber man was so bullying that finally I gave up in despair, and decided to let them go without any further resistance, and they were cut down, and I felt like a martyr.
But lo and behold a perfectly lovely view of the river was opened out to me, and I would not have them put back for anything.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78.
IFFLEY, April 13, 1910 Our lawn is ablaze with daffodils, and our grass is like a velvet pile carpet, and the river, as seen through my newly opened space, looks lovely. I feel far more vividly than I did before the opening was cut (against which I so sorely rebelled), that our place is really on the river banks.
The migratory birds are all coming back, and the whole air is full of their singing.
I can hardly imagine what your country must be like with no singing of birds.
We are now watching for the Cuckoo and the Nightingale, which rumour declares have been
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heard in different parts of the country, but we have no signs of them yet.—But enough of birds, although
_ they are certainly a contrast to "' woes"'.
My present *" woe "' is that I cannot get a comfortable cushion to sit on.
I have tried everything, and have spent pounds in my experiments, but it has all been of no use. I sit down on everything like a heavy block of granite, and no springs or downy pillows can withstand the load.
I have never expected Alys to stay permanently at Bagley Wood and she says she will make a point of coming down for every weekend.
But people do sometimes die at my age, and I have faint hopes that I shall be able to make my escape before I get lonely.
A life spent literally in obeying the continual nagging of - one's bladder and other indecent parts of one's nature can not be said to be particularly tempting, and thee must not be surprised that, dearly as I love you all, I still want togo.
I want to go, but alas! I see no signs of any chance, so I must possess my soul in patience.
But it would be nice if I could only cut all the knots by skipping off to Heaven.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet, 78.
IFFLEY, June 8, 1910 Poor dear B. B. I can sympathise with him, for the two days, of my attack I felt cross enough to insult an angel from Heaven.
It is the greatestcomfort to remember that somewhere it says of God "' He knoweth our frame and remembereth that we are dust."
And, since this of course is an incontrovertible fact, it follows that He does not expect much of us, and must be always ready with excuses.
I can't tell how often I think of this when I find myself unable to come up to
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REBEL any of the usually expected conventionalities of piety, and am absolutely swallowed up by my bladder and its unintermitted requirements.
I just say to Him, "You understand.
You remember I am dust," and then I feel entirely comfortable about myself.
I wonder if B. B. could not do something like this, for he must hate being cross just as I hate not being pious.
'It is a doleful day of thunder and lightning and pouring rain.
Logan says it is good for the garden, but I am not a garden, and I do not like it.
I can hardly see to write, and must call for the lamps although it is only 4 o'clock.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78.
; IFFLEY, Sept. 19, 1910 Just now I am greatly exercised about the birds.
I have a table with crumbs set just inside my open window, and I was beginning to entice the Tits and the darling Robin Redbreasts to come in and feed, to my great pleasure ; when behold the ugly greedy sparrows have come in crowds, and have driven the others entirely away.
It is most provoking.
There they come, the gluttons.
Is the little Chapel still at I Tatti?
I hope so, for in that Chapel I had one of my " openings " in regard to all the Catholic ceremonies, that took away forever my prejudices, and made me feel that it was a fact that we are all one in God.
Such openings are tremendously enlightening.
I love to have them.
It is not that one changes one's own idea of what is best in religion, but only that one sees that exactly opposite ideas may be quite as honest as one's own, and need not necessarily have bad or mean motives behind them.
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Sty But I really must stop sermonising, as old heads never did and never will fit on younger shoulders.
Mrs. Creighton is going to make a speech somewhere on how to grow old gracefully, and she was talking to a friend about it and asking for hints.
The friend replied that in her opinion the whole philosophy of old age could be expressed in a sentence composed of four words, and this sentence was, "' Toady to the young."
Pretty sound pHitosopny I reckon.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78.
IFFLEY, Sept. 28, 1910 ** Toady to the young "' must more and more be the motto of the mothers, after their children are grown up.
I must take myself in hand more strictly! ! But thee must always remember when I venture to give thee any advice that it is only advice, and does not carry any obligation on thy part to obey it; and I do not feel wounded in my feelings if thee does not follow it.
Two more darling Redbreasts have just taken lovely baths in the bowl outside my window.
It is too sweet to see them.
I fear in all thy grandeur thee has no place where thee can see such homely sights.
My callers were Christian Scientists who come periodically to visit me, hoping, I think, to convert me.
But I am too old a bird for their bait, thus far.
I enclose Karin's speech on Compulsory Military Service.
It is very good as far as it goes.
But the surprising thing is that the child had any ideas at all on the subject.
I do not believe I could have written anything so good at her age.
England does make you think on public questions.
In my girlhood we did not know there were any public questions, and would have 2)
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REBEL as soon made speeches against the Ten Commandments, as against any Government Bill.
Ray and Karin are granddaughters to be proud of, and, as I tell them, I do not hesitate to indulge in that feeling whenever I think of them, which I must say is pretty often. I like to think that we have at least given them happy childhoods; and, as grandpa Whitall used to say, if people have happy childhoods tucked under their jackets they will have a storehouse of happiness to last them all their lives.
It gets them into the habit of happiness, which is a great thing.
Alas!
Ray went to her meeting looking like a factory girl; but I said nothing, as I must not let myself get into the way of nagging her about her clothes, although I am sorely tempted sometimes.
She zs so pretty that it seems a shame to spoil it with shabby clothes.
It rejoices my heart that thee can say that B. B. is such a real comrade.
It is hard for me to believe that any husband and wife are really happy together.
And to have thee say you are is an unspeakable comfort.
\ To her daughter, Mary Berenson IFFLEY, Nov. 8, 1910 To-day is a day full of events— (1) It is B. B.'s home-coming.
(2) It was Crippen's death day (but that has been put off to the 23rd).
(3) It is the election day in America, when the question of Democracy versus Republicanism is to be settled.
(4) It is the meeting of "' Congregation " in Oxford to discuss and decide on Lord Curzon's plans of reform for the University.
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(5) Ray overcame her dislike of shopping so far as to buy herself a waterproof coat, as her own is in shreds.
Nov. 10, 1910 I am delighted thee is having thy picture taken to hang up in my chamber of horrors.
But my day is passed for having a picture taken.
I look too thin and haggard, and not at all like the cheerful contented individual I really am.
I do not want you to remember me as I look now, but as I looked in the enclosed card, which to my mind was my prime.
Anybody would think, to look at my haggard face now, that I had not a speck of religion anywhere about me.
The Dr. asked to feel my pulse.
"It could not be better," was his verdict, and when he went out he said to Mrs. Rollings, '"' Well Mrs. Smith is as right as rain."
So there is evidently no hope of escape for me yet, I am sorry to say. The only encouraging symptom I have is that I am all the time getting thinner and thinner, and I may perhaps fade away sometime.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78.
IFFLEY, Dec. 5, 1910 Elections are still our only interest.
Alys and Logan fairly devour the papers, and the only question anybody asks anybody is—How do you think it is going ? and nobody can guess.
At the bottom J fear it is going Tory,/but that may be because my servants keep me riled with their Toryism !
It looks rather hopeful, but we are very anxious.
A RELIGIOUS
REBEL There is hardly any chance of a fair election in England, , owing to the power of the Landlords, and the arbitrary way they exercise it.
But I understand why they do, for my servants are Tories, and I simply hate them,
. and if it would not inconvenience me too much, I ~ would turn them out at once!
So what can I say?
If B. B. does not like Aristea's cooking there is nothing for thee to do but to change it.
I myself would not think of keeping a cook whose cookery even Logan disliked.
You have to please men with the cookery, or they will be worse than bears with sore. heads.
That is the experience of a woman nearly 79 years old, who does not believe in humouring men too much, but who knows in cooking you HAVE to !
And I sit in my wheeled chair and look on at you all in your different lives and interests, and love to know every little detail because, as thee says, it is you.
But I think, apart from its being thee, thy '' woes" are tremendously interesting to themselves, and I am ashamed to say we do like hearing of them.
Also it all seems more like a novel than anything else in our experiences, and we get quite excited when thy letters come, and wonder what has happened now.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 78. — IFFLEY, Dec. 10, 1910 I think English politics are perfectly demoralising.
I feel all demoralised myself, and would like to give some Tory a good shaking, especially my servants.
And I have to pretend they are all right!
Mrs. Rollings is worse than ever I am. I do not know what I should do if she was a Tory.
It makes life a different thing when people enjoy
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the things you provide, and say so, and to act upon this maxim I will tell thee now that thy daily letters are one of the brightest spots in my life.
I delight in every word, and although I hate the woes, I love to hear about them.
Dec. 18, 1910 Karin's letter gives a delightful impression of I Tatti, in spite of all the woes.
Only I am afraid you are too luxurious, and poor old Court Place will seem very homely in comparison.
But, at any rate, if we have no great luxuries, we do not have any great woes, and things go smoothly without electric lights, and without corridors hung with Old Masters.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 79.
IFFLEY, Feb. 7, 1911 This is my 79th birthday, but I wish it was my 89th as I should then be so much nearer my happy escape.
But alas, I think I am really better than on my last birthday.
Still this is a comfort in one way, as it means a good deal less discomfort physically.
The Marchese Visconti-Venosta 1 came in to tea yesterday.
He told us that he had seen your new 1The son of Emilio, Marchese Visconti-Venosta, a follower of Mazzini, and at one time a member of the Italian foreign ministry under Cavour, 'whose grandniece he married.
Of the son, Logan Pearsall Smith used to tell how, when he first came to Oxford, he was made drunk at an undergraduate party.
Next morning this greatgrand-nephew of Cavour came to himself, and, reflecting on the manners of his own country, thought, "I'm done for! I shall have to leave
Oxford at once, leave England!'?
He was much surprised and relieved to find that his mishap was looked on in the England of that day more as an accomplishment than a degradation.
A RELIGIOUS
REBEL Frescoes, and they were perfect monstrosities, tomatored naked women set in bright blue landscapes!
He is working 8 hours a day, but finds the cottage he has taken in Iffley so low that he cannot walk up straight inside it, and I should think it would be rather forlorn.
But he said he had to get away from the College, as the set he got into never studied, but spent their time going to Hunts, and driving around in Drags, and getting drunk every night.
It is exactly what I believed of the Colleges ; but how the Dons can allow it is beyond me.
To her daughter, Alys Russell Aet. 79.
IFFLEY, Feb. 8, IgII I shall be glad if thy bag and the down quilt make thy bed more comfortable.
And they have helped me to find such a nice thing about God that I had never thought of before, and it was this—that if I enjoyed giving things to my children a thousand times more than keeping them for myself, so of course must He.
To her granddaughter, Karin Costelloe Aet. 79.
IFFLEY, Mar. 9, 1911 My darling young woman, I am trying to realise that my fat curly-headed baby has really and truly become a young woman 22 years old, who is quite old enough to be married, and who no doubt has all the good sense necessary to manage all her own affairs, and to help to manage other people's as well, if they want thee to.
I wonder what will follow later on.
Love
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affairs, I fear me, and, who knows, marriage perhaps, and housekeeping, and servants to manage or be managed by, and perhaps the bliss of babies.
For this last I shall envy thee, if it ever comes, but for all the rest thee shall have my deepest sympathy !
Well, I might give thee pages of good advice, but I expect it is wiser to let thee advise thyself, and I am sure of one thing and that is, that, whatever happens, thy heart and thy will are all right, and thee is sure to come out something splendid through it all.
God bless thee, my darling, and make thee to know the truth that surely lies behind all the '"' mad philosophies"' that are filling thy horizon at present.
To cheer thee up in the midst of thy great responsibilities I have sent thee piles of good things to eat.
To her daughter Mary and granddaughters Aet. 79.
, IFFLEY, Mar. 25, 1911 I picture various contingencies as you drove off [to Cambridge], principally a break-down after dark in a lonely bit of the road, miles from everywhere, and Aunty Loo! and Ray struggling in vain to escape from the mountains of luggage.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 79. wFLEY, March 30, 1911 I have been out in my chair down to the Lodge to see to the planting on the mound there of some plants
I bought in a weak moment, and when I got them had 1 Her daughter, Alys Russell.
A RELIGIOUS
REBEL no idea what they were or where to put them.
I simply cannot resist the Florists' lists, and I am free to confess that I act like a fool over them.
They are the most dreadful snares, and tell such marvellous tales of plants that read as if they must be plants from Paradise.
And again, in spite of all my past experience, I am simply making out a new list!
And I have no idea where I shall plant them.
Could there be greater folly?
March 31, 1911 I have had my last bout with the Flower lists this morning.
They littered my table beyond words, and whenever I laid eyes on them the passion seized me, and thousands of rare and marvellous plants clamoured to be sent for.
I made out about a dozen lists, and then resolutely put every Catalogue away in one of my Pedestal drawers, and shut it up with a bang, and have vowed not to open it again until next spring, and at last my mind feels at rest.
I almost think I shall put my lists in their envelopes into the drawers with the Florist's books, and give up all thoughts of flowers that I cannot plant for want of places for them.
It certainly would be wiser.
But wisdom flies when Florists' lists appear ; I really have to hide them away _ or I should spend a fortune on them.
I do not think it is any kindness to old people to let them be spectacles to their friends, and, when I become a spectacle I lay it upon the consciences of my children to keep me in seclusion.
Logan says it amuses Sir W. to go about and pay visits.
I do not believe it.
At any rate it will not amuse me, and I refuse to have anyone think it.
Please make a note of this,
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To her daughter, Mary Berenson Aet. 79.
IFFLEY, April 19, 1911 ' I often wonder whether there is not an unwritten natural law which says "' The more sentiment the less reality," for somehow it seems to work out that way very often. A display of sentiment on the part of the Bishops lately has disgusted me.
They are having some sort of ceremonial connected with the coronation of the new King, and one of the Bishops in a most unctuous voice and manner gave an eulogy of the late
King's private life, declaring he was one of the most noble and beautiful characters that England had ever known, and a pattern to all his subjects, etc. etc.
Now that Bishop must have known all about the King's private life, and yet he could stand up there and tell such lies to God!
He even went so far as to offer public Thanksgiving to the Almighty for blessing England with such a King!
What are Bishops made of, that they can' do such blasphemous things?
I confess it has given me a great set-back about Bishops.
To her daughter, Mary Berenson \ Aet. 79.
IFFLEY, April 20, 1911 When Logan gets to thee on Saturday, I want thee to notice his cough, without saying anything unless he asks thee.
(Do not let him know I have written.) He has had it now for months, and I think it grows worse.
But when I speak of it, he always says, "' Oh, it is nothing.
Alys always has a cough all winter, and it does not hurt her, and why should I worry?"
Now,
A RELIGIOUS REBEL
does thee have a cough all winter, and does it pass off in the summer?
If he asks thee, be sure thee tells him the truth, (and tell me also) ; and tell him what thee does for it.
But as long as he has this idea about thee, he will not do a thing.
If he doesn't introduce the subject himself thee had better, if thee hears him coughing, so as to settle the matter.
Our garden is a perfect show with the daffodils, and - primroses, and blue forget-me-nots and early tulips.
Logan took me round this morning in my wheeled chair.
Itis too lovely for words.
And such a heavenly day!
We are certainly being repaid for all those bleak winter days up to the rath.
The clergyman and his wife have gone off for a "three weeks holiday, and they have given~me their canary to take care of, and their silver.
Jessie takes care of the former, and the latter I have tucked under Logan's bed and said nothing.
The canary's song is very disappointing.
It is only a sort of harsh whistle.
To her friends Aet. 79.
IFFLEY, April 28, 1911 I felt a great desire, during the season of Christmas and New Year's greetings, to send one myself to all the friends whom I love so much, but, owing to my difficulty in writing, it seemed impossible.
In one of my wakeful hours at night, however, on the first day of the New Year, it suddenly came to me that I might send a circular greeting for 1911 to all of you, which would embody the substance of what I would love to say to each one individually, had I but the strength to do so.
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I expect that first of all some of you may want to _ know just how I am, and what are my surroundings and my life.
I am living with my son and my two granddaughters in a beautiful home on the banks of the Thames, not far from Oxford, with frequent visits from my daughter Mary from Italy, and at least a weekly visit from my daughter Alys, now living at ambridge.
I could not ask for a lovelier refuge in which to pass the last years of my life, nor for better company.
I am, as no doubt you all know, very much of an invalid, and am obliged to sit in a wheeled chair, both day and night, as my many infirmities prevent me from much lying in bed.
But I am very comfortable in my chair, and get plenty of sleep.
I cannot either read or write much, and am often not well enough to see my friends.
In fact I have very little energy for anything, and am not even able to go on with a half finished book that I was in the midst of writing when I was taken ill.
My old activities have all had to be laid aside, and I am only waiting and longing for the blessed call to my heavenly 'home.
But I am glad to tell you that I am very happy and contented in my narrow life, and with my lessening capabilities, and can say, "Thy will be done" to my Divine Master from the very bottom of my heart.
I knew once an old coloured aunty who had been very active in Mission Work for many years, but was at last laid aside from it all by a severe cough that racked her day and night.
One might think she would have been unhappy at being so set aside, but on the contrary she was always bright and cheerful.
A friend who had known her in her days of activity, asked her how she was able to be so happy.
'' Why, honey," she replied, "in course, T'se happy.
Once the Lord
A RELIGIOUS REBEL
used to say to me, ' Nancy, come here and do this,' or ' Nancy, go there and do that'; and I knew His will was good, and I went and did what He said, and in course I was happy.
And now He says, ' Nancy, lie here and cough,' and I know His will is good, and I lies here and coughs, and am just as happy."
And in my measure I feel as Nancy did.
Once my Divine Master sent me on His errands, and I knew His will was good, and was happy in trying to doit.
And now He has shut me up to an invalid life, and tells me to sit in my wheeled chair, and to be content to let others do His errands and carry on His work, and I know His will is good just the same, and am happy in trying to accept it...
Nancy and 1... are rich in nothing of our own, but rich beyond words in the wisdom and goodness and love of our God.
'"' Thou, oh God, art all we want, more than all in Thee we find."
This God is our God, and He is enough !
This is my greeting for 1911; and, since it is so late, a Birthday greeting as well, as I was 79 a few days ago.
May all to whom I send this message say Amen and Amen !
INDEX (Note: The nature of kinship with Mrs. Pearsall Smith is inserted in brackets after names of members of the family.)
Aix-les-Bains, 142-4 Aristocracy, British, 87 and n., Clifford, Edward, 98 and n., 135, 189, 190 ** Concerns '', Quaker, 41 and n.
Confession, Views on, 174-5 Costelloe, Frank (son-in-law), 92-3, 94, 95, 123-4 Armenians, Aid for, 139-40 Art, 78, 79> 83-4, 127-8, 207-8 XVlil, Xx, 77"., 1067., 141, Ascot Week, 92-3 144 and n.
— Mrs. Frank (daughter, née Baptism, Ritual of, 127 Barclay, '' Girlie ", 47 and n.
— Gurney, 91 — Mrs.
Henry Ford (née Gurney), 23 7. ; letters to, 23, 30, 37; 47; 59, 52, 66,
Beck, Sarah, letters to, 21, 22, Mary Whitall Smith, ¢.v., afterwards Mrs. Bernard Berenson, q.v.), XVill, xix, 100, IOI, 106 n., 130, 142 ; letters to, 81, 89, 99, 100,
103, 106, III, 117, 132, 133
— Karin (granddaughter, née Costelloe, afterwards Mrs:
Adrian Stephen), xx, 125-6, 130-1, 136, 1309, 144, 158, 165 ff., 180, 184, 193 ff., 212, 217 ff. ; letters to, 199, 201, 222, 223 — Ray (granddaughter, after-
Berenson, Bernard (son-in-law), XXi, 77., 151 and n., 168, 172 ff, 181, 186 f,, 197 f 206 ff., 215 ff- — Mrs.
Bernard (daughter, née Mary Whitall Smith, g.v., and formerly Mrs.
Frank Costelloe, q.v.), 12, wards Mrs.
Oliver Strachey, g.v.), xx, 100 ff., 125-6, 130-1, 136, 139, 144 ff., 158, 163 ff, 205 f-; 218 ff.
Cullis, Dr., 32, 34, 39 153, 186, 227; letters to, 147, 151, 154, 157, 163 ff, 172 ff., 186 f., 212 ff., 223 Blavatsky, Madame, 95-7 Bottome, Mrs., 88, 89 Braithwaite, Charles, 26 Bright, John, 26, 27, 91 Broadlands, Religious conferDerby Day, 91-2
Dress, 5 and n., 10, 37-8, 70, 93, 114, 178, 189, 218 Drink, Degradation of, 107-8 ences at, 28 n., 74, 98 Edward VII, King, 225 - Brown, Isaac, 26 Butler, Josephine, 95 Byron, poetry of, 196 Faith healing, xv—xvi, 39 Feminism, xiv, 18, 417., 51, 95, 101, 109, 125, 183, 190
Churchill, Lord Randolph, 26
' x
INDEX ** Five mystic birds ", 57 n., 81 and n., 105 n., 146 Free Trade, 190 Fry, Roger, xxi, 153, 208 Motherhood, 129-30 Mounsey, Priscilla, 397. ; letters to, 39, 55, 64, 65, 67, 100 ._ Mount Temple, Lady, 27 and n., 28n., 67, 74, 85, 90, Gladstone, W. E., 26, 88, g1 Gow, Dr., 164 Greek question, The, 135-6 Gurney, Mrs. Russell, 105 n. ;
102-3, III, 119, 126, 132
147; letter to, 105 Nicholson, Madge (niece), 72 letter to, 105 Gurneyite Friends, 37-8 and n.
— Mrs. William (sister, née Sarah Whitall, g.v.), 81 n. ; letters to, 7, 53, 54, 56, 72, Harrison, Benjamin, 114-15 — Mrs. Benjamin, 114-15 Hicksites, 12, 20 n.
High Churchmen, 88 Hunting, 75-7 732 80-1 Novels, 54, 103, 196-7 Occultism, 95-7 ; "Old Masters ", 78, 79, 83-4, Ireland, Home Rule for, 88, 91,
Oliphant, Laurence, 85-6, 86 n.
— Margaret, 196 Osler, Dr., 187
James, Henry, 201-2 — William, 198-9 _ "Journal "' letters, 42 and n.
| Jubilee, Golden, 94-5 Parnell, C. S., 88 :
Placci, Carlo, 198 and n.
Prague, 79-80 Psychical Society, 97 Pumphrey, Stanley, 37-8 Lawrence, Mrs.
Carrie (cousin), 57 and n., 81 n. ; letters to, 17, 21, 49, 66, 80, 128 Lee, Mrs., 82 and n.
Leighton, Sir Frederick, 94.
Lincoln, Abraham, 7, 8 Lipton, Sara, 185 and n.
Little, Sarah, 21, 57, 817.; letter to, 49 Quakers, '' ministers", 3 and n.; orthodoxy, 27-8, 35-6, 146; "' plain"? and * gaiety ", 189 and n.
** Restitution '', 40 and n.
Rocky Mountains, 55-61 Rome, 105 Ruskin, John, 28 n., 83-5 Russell, Bertrand (son-in-law), Macdonald, George, 98, 120 Mary, Princess, Duchess of Teck, 128-9 Matisse, Henri, 207-8 Morley, John, 140 Mormonism, 52 xxi, 153, 191 — Mrs.
Bertrand (daughter, née Alys Whitall Smith, g.v.), Vii, 12, 141, 147, 168,
INDEX 175 ff, 183, 186, 214 ff ; letters to, 103, 133, 134, Smith, Rachel Pearsall (motherin-law), 42., 182; letter to, 8 :
— Robert Pearsall (husband), 140, 153, 155, 222 Russell, Lord, 133-4 xi, XIV, XV, XVi-XvVii, xix-xx, A N., 7 Res 82, 16 fy 25 os 30f-, 45, 60ff-, 72, 86n., 99, 103 ff, 126, 134, 137; 146 ; letters to, 23, 40 Smoking, 181, 182 Smyth, Rev. Newman, 69-70 Salisbury, Lord, 136 Salvation Army Shelters, 107-8 San Michele (Venice), 138 Segesta (Sicily), 108-9 Sergius, Grand-duke, 173 Seward, Olive, 114 ; letters to, '* Snobbism "', 94 Somerset, Lady Henry, 107, 110, 114-120, 128, 133, 191 ; letter from, 108 Spafford, Mr. and Mrs., 82 and 139, 172, 172 n., 185 Shipley, Mrs. Anna, 8, 9, 12, 15, 16, 18, 392, 41, 63 Smith, Alys Whitall (daughter, afterwards Mrs. Bertrand Russell, g.v.), Xv, Xviil, 12, n., 83 Spiritualism, 67-8, 85, 155-6 Strachey, Lytton, 100 7.
— Oliver, 100 n.
— Mrs.
Oliver (granddaughter, née Ray Costelloe, q.v.), vii, xii, 5 7.
Strikes, in England, 123 Suffragism, 51, 109, 183, 190 Sumner, Archdeacon, 87-8 14, 43, 50, 51, 100 and n., 110, 112 n.; letter to,
' — Elizabeth Pearsall (sisterin-law), 7 ; letters to, 4, 9,
— Franklin Whitall (son), vii, xiv, Xvili, 7, 15, 16 and n., -) 17, 54.5 letter to, 14 — John Jay (father-in-law), 4.
— Logan Pearsall (son), v—vii, ** Sympneumata "', 85-6 Tavistock, Lady, 104.
Taylor, John, 22 XV, XVii, Xvili, xxii, 8 and N., 10, 12, 14, 20 n., 28 n., work, 110-I1, 116-17, 118, 132, 145, 146, 162, 163, 174, 210-11 Temple, Cowper (later Lord Mount Temple), 26, 27, 85 - Temperance 31, 32 7., 46 ff., 617-778 86n., 99 ff, III, 1197., 127, 153, 156, 178f-, 186 ff, 214 ff.
— Mary Whitall (daughter, afterwards Mrs.
Frank 'Costelloe, qg.v., and then Mrs.
Bernard Berenson, q.v.), XV, xviii, 7 and n., 8, ** Temple "' sect, 102 Tennyson, Lord, 112 and n.
Theosophical Society, 95-7 Thomas, Henry (nephew), 78 and 7., 79 — Dr. James Carey (brother12 and n., 31, 37, 42, 43>
67, 75-75 92, 112 N.
—Nelly (daughter), vi-vii, xiv — Rachel Pearsall (daughter), in-law), 78 7., 92 — Martha Carey (niece), 78 n.,
— Mary (sister, née Whitall), xvii, 12 and n., 16, 38-9, 78 n., 81 and n., 99 43, 47, 50-1
INDEX Toryism, views on, 94, 123-4, Whitall, John Mickle (father), 219, 220 Trade Unionism, 123-4 vii, xi, xiii, xv, 7 and n.,
13 N., 15, 37, 120, 154, 173,
182, 191, 218; letters to, ** Trins "*, the, 105 n.
4, II, 24, 27
<% — Mary Tatum (mother), xiii, "Unemployed "', 75 Updegraff, David, 69, 71 50, 54 "., 56, 66, 89-90 ; letters to, 4, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16, 24, 29 — Sarah (sister, afterwards Mrs. William Nicholson, qg.v.), 1 and n.
Whitman, Walt, xvii-xviii, 122 Visconti-Venosta, Marchese, 221-2 War, views on, 136 Webb, Mr. and Mrs. Sidney, n.
Wilberforce, Canon, 98, 140 Wilde, Oscar, 63, 170 Willard, Frances, vii, 99, 117, Belts < 3!
Whitall, Annie (cousin), letters to, I, 2 — James (brother), 19-20 and 119, 122, 139, 191, 205-6 n.
Young, Brigham, 52 .
THEOLOGY LIBRARY
SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY
AT CLAREMONT
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Printed in Great Britain by Butler & Tanner Ltd., Frome and London HEO!
OGY LIBRARY
io Af ; aif Ge a P LARI SO herk oe > wi VLUF '
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Smith, Hannah (Whitall) 1832-1911.
A religious rebel; the letters of "H, W. S,"
'(Mrs, Pearsall Smith) edited by her son Logan Pearsall Smith.
With a pref. and memoir by Robert Gathorne-Hardy.
London, Nisbet (19491 | xxiii, 232p. porte 20cm.
1. Smith, Hannah (Whitall) 1832-1911.
I. Smith, Logan Pearsall, 1865-1946, : ed.
II. Title.
SS" ccsc/els *\ 7 \ |