Chapter Thirteen--Forgiveness
Chapter Thirteen
Forgiveness
con·fes·sion: an acknowledgment of guilt by one who is charged with an offense
The bottom line: big kingdom living is all about the humility of seeking forgiveness and the grace of granting it.
Sam knew he was wrong. He knew that what he had said and done was not only inappropriate; it was sin. Several times Sam had left work early and had someone punch his time card for him. He rationalized that people who knew about the recent birth of his twins would understand. And he knew that he was not the only one doing it. But he alone had been caught. No matter how many rationalizations he test-marketed in his own mind, he could not defend his actions.
It was just a matter of time before he would have to eat crow and admit his errors, but it was so hard. He wanted to turn the table and point his finger at all the other sinners in the room. He wanted to remind people of all the tough things that were on his plate. He wished he could have the opportunity to convince people of what a good guy he generally was. But it all seemed like feeding a single peanut to a very hungry elephant. None of it satisfied the emptiness inside. He had to go and confess his wrong and ask for forgiveness. As he walked to his boss’s office, he still searched for an excuse and wanted to rat on everyone, but he knew he couldn’t.
Why is it so hard for us to admit that we are wrong? Why is it so hard to ask for forgiveness? Because we all like to think we are more righteous than we actually are. And all of us are better at seeing the sin of others than we are our own. But there is more going on here. I am deeply persuaded that our struggle with forgiveness is a kingdom struggle.
My Will, My Way
Did you ever wonder why protests are so attractive to a human being? When I participate in a protest over some issue, I am able to say that this particular problem somehow exists outside of me. And since I am not the problem here, I get to point the finger at you, publicly exposing your wrongs that are affecting me and others. What makes protesting so exhilarating and intoxicating is being righteous. For once I get to say, “I am innocent here, and I am frankly outraged at the wrong that you are doing!” If you invited people to two events, one to protest something and the other to confess something, which gathering do you think would draw the bigger crowd?
Asking for forgiveness is so hard because of what it says about life and what it says about me. You cannot ask for forgiveness without acknowledging that there is something in life that is more important than the progress of your own kingdom. You cannot seek forgiveness without owning the fact that you were created for the glory of another. You cannot make honest, humble confession without acknowledging that there are more important things in life than getting your own way and being happy. You cannot admit a wrong without being hit with the fact that there are bigger things in life than how you feel and how you feel about how you feel. You see, it’s our sturdy allegiance to our own kingdom that makes us unwilling to confess that we have gotten in the way of God’s kingdom on earth.
Why would you ever yell at someone? Why would you ever hold a grudge? Why would you ever struggle to serve another person? Why would you ever find it hard to be patient and forbearing? Why would you find it hard to celebrate the success of another? Why would you ever speak a word of gossip? Why would you ever be tempted to steal what is not yours? Why would you ever misuse sex or food? Why would you envy the power, position, or possessions of another?
Why, parent, do you struggle with anger at the very child whose birth was such a miracle of fulfillment? Why, wife, can the person whose presence once made you tingle, irritate you so just by the way he chews his food? Why, husband, would you ever get annoyed in the middle of a conversation with someone you were once delighted to commit to spending your life with?
Why would you ever wallow in self-pity? Why would you ever let bitterness hold you in its grip? What would make you feel like quitting or cause you to dread the next day? Why would you ever grow cynical and walk away from another human being? We do these things because we want our own way.
My allegiance to my own kingdom is deep in the DNA of my sinful nature, causing me to be self-centered, self-righteous, condemning, and impatient. I know what I want. I know what will make me happy. I have a vision for what my life could be like, and you are constantly getting in the way of the plans and purposes of my kingdom. Now, I am not just talking about the big situations and decisions of life. You don’t live in those moments very often. No, this personal kingdom, personal happiness, don’tget-in-the-way-of-what-I-want spiritual dynamic, which is the struggle of every sinner, lives with subtle drama in the little moments of daily life. That is why you are mad when you can’t get in the bathroom when you want to, or when someone takes your parking space, or when you don’t get the recognition that you think you deserve.
Asking for forgiveness is hard because you have to admit to why you need it so frequently. It is hard because you have to face the fact that with all of your growth in grace, biblical literacy, ministry experience, and theological acumen, you still revert again and again to the pursuit of your own kingdom interests. When you seek forgiveness, you are confessing that you still forget why you were put on earth and granted the amazing gift of God’s grace. You are admitting that you forget that every gift you have been given is to be invested in his kingdom.
The Forgiveness Kingdom
Seeking forgiveness is always the result of having another kingdom in view. You are owning the fact that you were not made for you. When you live for you, you forget God and his kingdom and travel outside the boundaries of his will. Not only that, but every time you ask for forgiveness from God or people, you are admitting that you are part of the massive problem that the big kingdom addresses. The golden offer of the kingdom of God is forgiveness. This is why Jesus told his disciples to preach a message of repentance as they announced the kingdom. God establishes his kingdom so that all that sin has broken can be fully and completely restored. In the center of the kingdom of God, you do not find a gargantuan palace inhabited by an unapproachable king. No, in the center of the kingdom of God is a bloody cross, on which hung a broken King, who welcomes us as we are. This King did not demand righteousness from us, for if he did, none of us would ever be qualified to live in his kingdom. No, he was righteous for us, and although he was a king, he willingly took our criminal’s death so that we might be forgiven. What this King demands is confession, and in the moment when we confess, we are liberated from our bondage to ourselves and freed to live for another.
Those who have been welcomed into the big kingdom have been welcomed into a lifestyle of forgiveness. It is a way of living where each day I admit that I instinctively get in the way of what God is doing on earth. I do it as an individual. I do it in my marriage and parenting. I do it in my friendships. I do it at work. I do it in the body of Christ. I do it in my neighborhood. When I live this lifestyle I find joy in telling Jesus, day after day, that I need what he did in his life, death, and resurrection. This lifestyle is about growing to acknowledge that in some way, every day, I give evidence to the fact that the cross was necessary. And this lifestyle of forgiveness makes my daily attitude one of heartfelt gratitude and joy. Even though I have challenged his kingship and thought that I would make a better king, he has not rejected me or condemned me. No, he has wrapped his forgiving arms around me and invited me to be part of something infinitely more beautiful than anything I would have ever chosen for myself.
Getting It Right
When you ask for forgiveness, you really do get it right. The fact that you can have an accurate view of yourself is a living demonstration of how powerful the grace of Christ really is. The grace of Christ has the power to open your blind eyes to see. It has the power to pry open your clinched-fisted hold on your own will and cling to the cause of a better kingdom. And it has the power to help you gladly confess what you once refused even to see! When you ask for forgiveness you really do get it right, because you are letting go of your will and celebrating his, you are giving up on your righteousness and rejoicing in his, and you are running from your kingdom into his.
Forgiveness Is War
It’s hard to ask for forgiveness because asking for forgiveness is war. It’s a war between self-righteousness and unearned grace. It’s a war between the rules of my kingdom and the commandments of the King. It’s a war between a desire to be served and the call to freely love and willingly serve. It’s a war between living for my own little moments of glory and being consumed by the glory of God. This war is fought every day on the turf of my heart. But I do not fight this war alone. The King, who has welcomed me into his better kingdom, is a Warrior King who will continue to fight on my behalf until the last enemy is under his feet.
This means there is hope for me even though I lose sight of the big kingdom and regress back into the kingdom of self. There is hope for me even though I would rather fight for fifteen seconds of self-glory than to give him the glory that actually belongs to him. There is hope for me even though I would rather win an argument than reconcile a relationship. There is hope for me even though I would rather fantasize about vengeance than grant quick forgiveness. There is hope for me even though I am good at focusing on your sin while forgetting my own. There is hope for me because I do not fight for my soul alone. The King fights for me, and every time I ask for forgiveness he has won another battle on my behalf.
You see, this is the battle of battles. This is the conflict that lurks below every other conflict we experience. This is the thing in all of us that God refuses to accommodate. His kingdom will come. His will will be done. He will not sit idly by and permit his kingdom children to live with a greater practical allegiance to the building of their own kingdoms. So he fights for the freedom of our souls. He battles for the control of our hearts. He works to liberate our desires and to focus our thoughts. And as he does this, he calls us to humbly confess that we really do love ourselves more than we love him and others. He invites us to admit how regularly we demand our own way. He welcomes us to own up to our anger, greed, envy, and vengeance. If his kingdom is ever to fully and completely come, it must be a kingdom of forgiveness where rebel citizens can be made right again and again and again.
Forgiveness and the Big Kingdom
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you get it right.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you step out of your little kingdom and into his.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you say that the Bible’s description of you and everyone around you is accurate.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you declare that your life does not belong to you, but has been created for the purpose of Another.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you say that selfishness is your biggest sin and that grace is your only hope.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you are reminding yourself who you are and what you truly need.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you refuse to be comfortable with your rebellion.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you recognize that the biggest problems you face in life exist inside of you, not outside of you.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you are praying that God’s kingdom would come and his will would be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you make the kingdom of God visible for others to see.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you are worshipping the King of forgiveness and encouraging others to do the same.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, your sight is accurate, your head is clear, and your heart is in the right place.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you cry out for an eternity when forgiveness has finished its work once and for all.
Every time you ask for forgiveness, you tell yourself that for all the good you have experienced in God’s kingdom, there is still more that is needed and more to come.
A lifestyle of seeking forgiveness expands everything you are touching to the size of God’s kingdom.
The final question: do you find joy in the liberating lifestyle of seeking forgiveness?