The following is the testimony of a close associate of Watchman Nee, Dr. Chang Yu-lan,
4. BY A CLOSE ASSOCIATE
The following is the testimony of a close associate of Watchman Nee, Dr. Chang Yu-lan, who was a leading brother in the church in Taipei, Taiwan:
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Impression of Watchman Nee
Watchman Nee arrived in Chungking on March 6, 1945, and three days later attended a love feast to which he had been invited by the church in Chungking. He stayed in my home for ten days, and we continued to see each other for over a year. Later he moved to a place nearby called Little Lungkan. Some of us would go to his home once or twice a week for fellowship. This continued for over six months. I would always have some questions prepared and would ask them one by one. His answers solved many problems. He always left a very sweet impression, yet one did not lose the sense of respect. His attitude was gentle and meek, and his words were full of anointing. In conversation with him, there was no sense of distance but a sense of being watered and supplied. Frequently seven or eight brothers and sisters would surround him, talking and asking questions for several hours, but he never showed tiredness. The impression left by his words and manner are unforgettable.
Concerning Spiritual Instruction
He told us about going to Margaret Barber weekly, during his student days, to be rebuked. At those times when there was nothing to rebuke, she would ask questions until some fault was found; then she would rebuke him. He said that through this means he received excellent spiritual instruction. On one occasion Watchman Nee was rebuked by an employee. This employee pointed his finger and pounded his fist, rebuking Watchman Nee for almost four hours. At one point, some neighbors who felt the employee was being unfair, stepped in to intervene. But Watchman Nee sat calmly in his chair, holding a newspaper, without changing expression, as if nothing were happening. At times while he was being rebuked, he would nod his head. When I saw that, I could not understand it. Now I know that he was receiving it as a discipline from God's hand and was submitting himself to this circumstance God had allowed. Frequently, Watchman Nee would suddenly lift up his eyes, look to heaven, and say, "He is God." The implication was that every circumstance was under God's sovereign arrangement and that he was willing to receive it as such and to obey.
Watchman Nee did not have the usual concept toward those who would inflict him with hurt. On one occasion he said, "The brothers who transgress are like little children who have fallen into a miry ditch. Their clothes and hair are defiled. But give them a bath, and they will be clean again. In the future all the brothers and sisters will be transparent precious stones in the New Jerusalem." In Chungking the brothers asked him to participate in the Lord's table. However, he would not partake of the bread or the cup; he simply sat and prayed silently. His reason: "The problem in the church in Shanghai has not been resolved; therefore, I cannot break the bread here." I asked him when he would resume his ministry, and he replied, "There is no possibility." Concerning the Lord's leading for the work, Watchman Nee was very keen in his discernment and quick in making decisions. In explaining why this was so, he said, "If I am wrong, the Lord will use the wall and the donkey to stop me, as He did with Balaam." This attitude indicates that Watchman Nee was one who always obeyed the discipline of the Holy Spirit.
Concerning the Christian Life
On one occasion Watchman Nee instructed some of us, saying, "Christians must escape the system of Christianity. It is more important to deal with the system than to deal with consecration. It is useless to consecrate inside the system." When asked whether it was permissible to play cards without betting money, he replied, "To the Christian there is no absolute right or wrong. It may be all right for one person to do a thing, but not all right for another person to do the same thing. What is right or wrong for a Christian depends upon the level of life he has attained; the level of life is reflected in how many things he cannot do."
Prayer and Fellowship with the Lord
Watchman Nee prayed in a slow way with one or two words coming slowly from his mouth. When I was in Chungking, I unconsciously picked up his way of prayer. By praying in such a way I sensed the presence of the Lord abiding with me. Every word was directed to the Lord, and the words kept springing up from within. Later, a leading brother rebuked me for that practice and told me that I should not copy another's way of prayer, so I stopped praying that way. However, even to this day, when I pray privately I still pray this way, pouring out to God one or two words at a time. By praying in this way, it is much easier to touch the anointing. On how to maintain fellowship with the Lord, Watchman Nee used the following example: "Suppose a train is traveling from Szechuan to K'unming. It must pass through many tunnels. Sometimes it is traveling in darkness, sometimes in light. The experience of a Christian's fellowship with the Lord is the same. If one is in darkness, he must first confess his sin. If
there is no sense of sin, he must exercise his will to continue on in the fellowship."
Maturity in Life
On the matter of maturing in life, Watchman Nee said this: Time is needed for life to mature. Other than having a big head, young people cannot really be matured. Maturity is a matter of the enlargement of capacity. You must allow God to give you time to suffer beyond measure; then your capacity will be enlarged. Some could suffer the loss of five dollars, but could never suffer the loss of five thousand dollars. Some could forgive others two or three times, but the fifth time would make their hands tremble. One discovers by eating whether a fruit is raw or ripe. Raw fruit tastes sour and bitter and is tough and hard. Only ripe fruit tastes sweet and fragrant. Madame Guyon had the flavor of ripeness. She was a teacher to the elderly and a friend to children. The Christian life grows in a natural way. It is not a matter of being artificially ripened like the ripening of a banana with mild heat. The Son of Man came eating and drinking. With some people, their eating and drinking exposes their true condition. Life does not come as a result of spiritual cultivation. If you have the Spirit, there is no need of cultivation; if you do not have the Spirit, there is no way to cultivate. Lilies blossom and birds grow feathers quite spontaneously. There is no need for them to cultivate these features. Cultivation can only produce a "saint" according to the world's concept; it cannot produce a real Christian. It is sufficient to have the seal of the cross on the negative side. There is no need to strive to bear fruit. Striving only delays the growth of life; it cannot speed it up. It is important for us to receive God's arrangement in the circumstances. This arrangement is the discipline of the Holy Spirit. To escape God's arrangement just one time is to lose an opportunity to have our capacity enlarged. This will prolong the time required for life to mature in us and will even require us to make up this lesson in order to reach maturity. A believer can never be the same after passing through suffering. Either he will have his capacity enlarged or he will become more hardened. For this reason, when believers are passing through suffering, they must pay attention and they must realize that maturity in life is the sum total of receiving the discipline of the Holy Spirit. People may see a person who has matured in life, but they cannot see the accumulated discipline of the Holy Spirit which that person has received secretly day by day throughout the years.
A Few Spiritual Sayings
Watchman Nee once said, "The lower we put something, the safer it is. It is safest to put a cup on the floor." The implication was that the more the workers of the Lord humble themselves, the safer it is for them. On another occasion he said, "When the cross is not 'air-sealed,' it will be blown away." This means that when you are bearing the cross you should not tell the secret to others. As soon as you tell what you are passing through, the meaning of the cross is gone.