wrote a number of long gospel messages for publication. Through these endeavors he
4)Andrew Murray's book, The Spirit of Christ, was a great help concerning the Spirit. 5)The writings of Jessie Penn-Lewis and Mrs. Charles McDonough assisted him in understanding the three parts of man. 6)He found George Müller's autobiography enlightening concerning faith. 7)Light concerning the matter of abiding in Christ was received from the books of Andrew Murray and the biography of Hudson Taylor. 8)He received help on the subjective aspect of Christ's death and on spiritual warfare from the books of Jessie Penn-Lewis. 9)The writings of T. Austin-Sparks and others were especially helpful concerning the truths of Christ's resurrection and His Body. 10)Concerning God's plan of redemption, Mary McDonough's book by the same title was a great help. 11)Light concerning the church was received from the writings of John Nelson Darby and other Brethren teachers. 12)The writings of Robert Govett, D.M. Panton, G.H. Pember, and other Brethren writers were helpful in the matter of prophecy. 13)The insights of John Foxe, E.H. Broadbent, and others were especially helpful in the matter of church history. 14)Watchman Nee especially received help on expounding the Bible and on many other truths, in general, from the writings of Darby and the Brethren.
CHAPTER FIVE
BURDENED AND COMMISSIONED
Watchman Nee's study of the Bible and his reading of many spiritual books greatly enlightened him regarding God's economy. It was according to the revelations which he received from the Lord that he was burdened to work for the Lord. This burden was actually the Lord's commission to him for His recovery in this age. His burden fell into several categories.
TO PREACH THE GOSPEL
Watchman Nee's initial burden was to preach the gospel. Shortly after he was saved, he began to love the Lord and was intensely burdened to preach the gospel to his schoolmates and countrymen. He did this in season and out of season. For a period of time, he fasted every Saturday that he might have power to preach the gospel in the Sunday morning preaching meeting. Through his preaching nearly all his schoolmates were led to the Lord, and a revival was brought into his school. This revival, with the help of his co-workers' preaching, spread extensively to the people of his hometown in 1923. Hundreds were saved and had their lives changed. During this same period he also wrote a number of long gospel messages for publication. Through these endeavors he not only brought many sinners to the Lord and helped the church in Foochow increase; he also laid a solid foundation and a good example of gospel preaching for us. Through the years, wherever the Lord's recovery has gone, gospel preaching has been stressed
and practiced. This is why hundreds of unbelievers among the Chinese people have been brought to the Lord for the spread of His kingdom.
TO EDIFY THE YOUNG BELIEVERS
Following gospel preaching, Watchman Nee was burdened to help young believers in the following five areas: 1) in their Christian walk, 2) in the growth of life, 3) in knowing the Bible, 4) in knowing the errors of denominationalism, and 5) in knowing the church. He instructed them in how to make a thorough confession of their sins to God, how to be reconciled with others, how to make a full clearance of the past, how to overcome sin, how to forsake the world, how to consecrate themselves to the Lord, how to study the Bible, how to pray, how to lead others to the Lord, how to meet and fellowship with the saints, how to seek the Lord's will, how to follow the inner anointing, how to live by faith, how to renounce the sects, and how to keep the unity of the Body. To fulfill this purpose he dedicated his time for two years to publish a monthly magazine entitled The Christian which received wide circulation. Thousands of copies of each issue were printed, and hundreds of young followers of the Lord were immensely edified by these messages.
TO TEACH THE TRUTHS
Watchman Nee was also burdened to help believers have a right understanding of spiritual things concerning the Lord's interest and to teach them the truths of the Bible. In his early ministry he held a study on the book of Revelation. Following that, he held a thorough study with the church in Shanghai on the Gospel of Matthew, on the rapture and tribulation, on how to meet, and on a number of other subjects. Since he knew the Bible thoroughly, he desired to expound the Bible book after book, but the Lord frustrated this intention. He then realized that the Lord was burdening him and commissioning him concerning two things: 1) to bear a specific testimony of the Lord, and 2) to establish local churches.
TO BEAR A SPECIFIC TESTIMONY OF THE LORD
First, he himself learned to know the Lord in a deep way by experiencing His allinclusive death and resurrection. Because of his own experience along this line, he was specifically burdened and commissioned by the Lord to bear testimony to this truth. For the discharge of this burden, he released spoken messages and also issued a magazine, called The Present Testimony, in which he published messages on the subjective aspect of the Lord's crucifixion and resurrection, on the principles of life, on the supremacy of Christ, and on God's eternal purpose. He also held conferences and special meetings through the years to release messages on these deeper themes. In his open letters (chapter twenty-five of this book) he made this more than clear.
TO ESTABLISH LOCAL CHURCHES
Second, Watchman Nee's ultimate burden was to establish and build up local churches for the satisfaction of God's desire. This was his ultimate commission from the Lord, based on what he had seen and experienced of the Lord. His vision was that the preaching of the gospel, the edifying of believers, the teaching of biblical truth, and the bearing of a specific testimony of the Lord should be according to God's economy for the establishment and building up of local churches. These things are not God's goal; they are only procedures to accomplish God's goal, which is the establishment and building up of local churches. God desires to have local churches according to His New Testament economy; this is His eternal purpose. This is clearly and emphatically revealed in the New Testament, and this is the central point of the New Testament revelation. Watchman Nee, like the apostle Paul, was fully burdened and commissioned with this revelation. He was very much welcomed by all Christians in preaching the gospel, in edifying believers, in teaching biblical truths, and in bearing the specific testimony of the Lord. However, he was rejected by the majority of Christians in the matter of establishing and building up local churches. Some Christian leaders and teachers not only opposed him but also condemned him in this matter. Even some of his admirers say in their writings that Watchman Nee was wrong in his view of the church. Today, throughout the whole world, nearly all Christian bookstores carry his books, but very few stock his books on the church. This is due to the ignorance prevailing in the Christian world concerning the importance of the church in God's economy. Watchman Nee suffered a great deal because of his faithfulness to the Lord's commission concerning the church. He definitely saw a vision and received a commission concerning this matter. Because the vision was so clear and the commission so real, he did not care that he was rejected, opposed, and condemned. He anticipated this response and was determined to pay the price for the commission he received of the Lord. His faithfulness to this commission cost him his life.
HIS PERSONAL TESTIMONY GIVEN AT KULANGSU, FUKIEN, OCTOBER 20, 1936
During the period between 1921 and 1923, revival meetings were held to lead people to the Lord. At that time preaching the gospel was believed to be the unique work for God. But God opened my eyes to see that His purpose requires that those who have been saved by grace stand upon the ground of oneness in local churches to represent and maintain God's testimony on earth. Some of my co-workers had different views of the truth concerning the church. But when I carefully studied the book of Acts, I realized that God's wish is to establish local churches in each city. At that time the light shone upon me so clearly that I recognized that this is His purpose. At the same time I received this light, a problem arose with some co-workers who held different views regarding important points of our work. This resulted in friction among us. They felt that we should be zealous in revival and gospel preaching work and that the fruit of such work could be easily seen. My view, however, was to establish local churches with less stress on
the revival and preaching side. When an older co-worker went out to hold gospel meetings, as he frequently did, I was at times tempted to secretly hold revival gospel meetings of my own. However, instead of doing this, when he was away, I immediately acted according to the vision I had received. Upon his return, he would undo what I had done and work according to his concept. But when he was again absent, I would go back to my previous way. Consequently, we oscillated back and forth on this matter all the time. Since the light each of us had received in respect to the work was different, our ways of working were also different. One way was that of revival and evangelism, while the other way was that of establishing local churches. What the Lord revealed to me was extremely clear: Before long He would raise up local churches in various parts of China. Whenever I closed my eyes, the vision of the birth of local churches appeared.... When the Lord called me to serve Him, the primary objective was not to hold revival meetings, help people hear more scriptural doctrines, or for me to become a great evangelist. The Lord revealed to me that He desired to build up local churches in various places to manifest Himself and to bear the testimony of unity on the ground of the local churches. In this way, each saint is able to function in the church and live the church life. What God wants is not individuals trying to be victorious or spiritual; He wants a corporate glorious church presented to Himself.
CHAPTER SIX
OBEYING THE SCRIPTURES AND DROPPING THE TRADITIONS
One year after being saved, Watchman Nee began to obey the Scriptures and drop the traditions in the matters of baptism and the breaking of bread; he also left his denomination. The following is an excerpt from an account given by him in Shanghai on December 4, 1932, and published in the thirty-third issue of Notes on Scriptural Messages in 1933.
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QUESTIONING
I was saved in the spring of 1920. During the first year following my conversion, I was unclear regarding the truths of the church, except that the sister who led me to the Lord had told me that unfortunately there were too many nominal Christians in the church today. I also felt that the character of the pastors I knew was too poor, for one did not ordinarily see them except when they came to ask for donations. Before my family was revived, we frequently had several mahjong games going on at home. When the pastor
would come for donations, we conveniently handed him money from the mahjong table. Although he knew quite well where the money came from, he still accepted it. From this observation, I felt that the character of the pastors was very poor, for as long as they had money all was well. Besides this, it seemed that so many members in the church were merely nominal.
BAPTIZED
In March 1921 the Lord showed me the truth of baptism. I saw that baptism by sprinkling as practiced by the denominations was not scriptural. As I studied the Bible in those weeks, I found that when the Lord Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River, He came up out of the water. In the denominations, however, when a person was baptized, a small bowl was used to contain the water. How then could one come up out of the water? When I was young, I was baptized by a bishop of the Methodist Church. He sprinkled cold water on my head and pressed it down with his two big hands. I became impatient and cried, wishing he would get it over with quickly. After being sprinkled, I received a certificate of baptism, which bore my name and the bishop's signature. This certificate I considered absolutely meaningless. If I had not come to believe in the Lord, even though I had that certificate, I would still dare to do anything. Fortunately, I was later saved and my life was changed. My mother had arranged for me to be sprinkled before I believed in the Lord. About a year after I was saved, I realized that the baptism I had received was wrong and that according to the Scriptures baptism should be by immersion. On the morning of March 28, 1921, my mother asked, "If I were to be baptized by immersion, how would you feel?" I replied, "That is just what I have been waiting for." She asked, "Where can we go to be baptized by immersion?" I answered, "I inquired about it quite some time ago. We can go to Mawei (which is two hours away from Foochow by small steamer) and find out from Miss Barber. When Dora Yu came to Fukien, she was baptized by immersion at Miss Barber's place." We felt that rather than choose a date, it was better to do it that same day. So my mother and I decided to depart that very same day. Upon arriving at Miss Barber's, we told her of our intention and she fully agreed. Thus, on the same day we went hurriedly to the countryside of Yangchi and were immersed there. When I was baptized by immersion, I experienced a great turn in my life. The first thing I did was tell my friend Leland Wang. I came to know him during the first year after my salvation through a Bible study class held in our home. Since most of the attendants were elderly folk, and I was a young kid, I was unable to find anyone my age to talk to. Two or three weeks later, Brother Wang came. Since he was closer to my age, I began to communicate with him. So on the following day after being baptized by immersion, I went and told him, "I went to Yangchi yesterday and was immersed there." He said, "Very good, very good. Formerly, I was also baptized by sprinkling in Nanking, but later in Amoy I met a brother who told me the truth concerning
baptism. Due to this further light I was baptized by immersion in Kulangsu." We were quite happy because we had both seen the same light. The second thing I did was tell the old pastor who led our Bible study. In Foochow he was the most advanced in knowing the Bible. I especially desired to tell him because he had taught us that we should do everything according to the Scriptures. However, though I was quite excited when I told him, his attitude was quite cold. So I asked, "Is baptism by immersion scriptural or not?" He replied, "Yes, it is scriptural, but do not be so legal." I thought this was peculiar. Having taught us the Bible for a year, he continually said that as long as it is the teaching of the Scriptures, it should be followed. Since baptism by immersion is scriptural, why did he say, "Do not be so legal?" I had obeyed the truth, yet he said, "Do not be so legal." I realized then that in his teaching there was compromise. If concerning this matter he would say do not be so legal, it was unlikely he would be bold to say that any other truth concerning the church should be obeyed. From that point on, I began to have doubts regarding the truths of the church which he taught. I also realized that I must put man's authority aside, and I determined that from then on I would carefully study the Bible.
BREAKING BREAD
In this same year (1921) I went to the Bible regarding a number of questions. I said to myself, "There are so many nominal Christians in the present day church, yet the Bible says that only the saved ones are in the church. There are so many denominations today, yet there is no Methodist Church, Presbyterian Church, or any other denomination in the Bible. Why then am I a member of the Methodist Church? Since God's Word is not saying it, why am I doing it?" The Methodist bishop was a good friend of our family. Being a personal friend of the bishop was one thing, but the fact that denominations are unscriptural was another thing. I saw that the system of pastors was not scriptural and that meetings should be practiced according to scriptural principles. In the beginning the light I had on these matters was small. I was like the blind man in Mark 8 who, although he could see men, could only see them as trees walking. I had seen a little, but I did not see clearly. One afternoon in the first half of 1922, I was much troubled concerning the matter of the breaking of bread. I had seen from the Bible that believers should often come together to break bread in remembrance of the Lord. For this reason I said to myself, "Why is it that in the church today the breaking of bread is held only four times a year?" Besides, among the ones who came to break bread, some were regular movie-goers, some were habitual mahjong players, some even questioned whether or not the Lord Jesus could be considered a good man, and some were evidently not even children of God. When I saw such people going to receive Holy Communion, I began to consider whether or not I could go. No! I could not go. Following my salvation, up to 1922, I had never been to receive the so-called Holy
Communion. For many days I searched the Bible concerning this matter of breaking bread. Was a pastor required to preside over it? Was it true that only those who had received ordination could break it, while those who had not received ordination could not? I spent much time studying but found nothing like this in the Scriptures. This matter of a pastor presiding over the breaking of bread was not in the Bible. At this point I was very troubled. Though I wished so and though the Bible said that we should often break bread in remembrance of the Lord, I had no such place to break bread. One Thursday afternoon following the Bible study, I sought out my friend, Leland Wang, for a little talk. I shared my feeling that according to the Bible we should break bread often in remembrance of the Lord, but that I had not done it once since being saved. I also mentioned that there were some in the denominations who were clearly not the children of God and with whom I could not break bread, and that there was the further problem that according to them no one could break bread except the pastor. I told him, "Neither you nor I are pastors; so even if we gathered all the true believers together, we would be considered unqualified to break bread. Isn't this puzzling?" Brother Wang took my hands and said, "God has been leading me exactly the same way. Last night I could not sleep, but was continually praying and searching concerning this very matter of whether or not believers should break bread, and whether or not it is necessary for a pastor to preside over it. I realized from my prayer and searching that in no place does it say that only ordained pastors can break bread." When I heard this, I thanked the Lord because He had been leading us in the same way. Since we had clearly seen the principles of meeting in the Bible, I said, "No day is better to begin than today; let us begin breaking bread on the coming Lord's Day." Since we were settled on the time to begin, we began to discuss the place. Our house was larger, but I had not told my mother how I felt about this matter, lest she think that we young people were rebelling. Leland Wang was living in a house borrowed from a girls' school and was moving soon, so he felt it would not be too convenient. I said, "It does not matter; let us meet at your place." After we had made that decision, I was exceedingly happy on Friday and Saturday, for I was anticipating the happy day which was soon coming. When the evening of the Lord's Day came, I informed my mother that I was going to Leland Wang's home. She asked, "What for?" I replied, "To take care of something very important." That night three of us (Leland Wang, his wife, and I) met in his little house to break bread and drink the cup together. As long as I live, and even into eternity, I will remember that experience. I was never so close to the heavens as on that night! That night the heavens came near to the earth! All three of us could not help but weep! On that day we knew what it meant to break bread in remembrance of the Lord. As a young boy, after being sprinkled, I had partaken of the Holy Communion. My response at that time was, "The bread is rather sour and the grape juice is rather sweet." I understood nothing regarding the significance of breaking bread; I only realized that the bread was sour and the juice was
sweet. But when the three of us broke bread that night in Leland Wang's home, I knew that this was a most precious matter to God. On that first occasion we learned what it meant to worship and remember the Lord. We could do nothing but give praise and thanks to Him. After the first meeting we asked ourselves, What about the next meeting? Some denominations observed the breaking of bread every three months, but what about us? The Bible tells us to remember the Lord often. We felt from reading Acts 2, that at that time the breaking of bread was probably a daily matter. Acts 20:7 says, "And on the first day of the week, when we gathered together to break bread." This is very clear. On the basis of the word, therefore, we decided to observe the breaking of bread every Lord's Day. From that time on, except when I was ill, traveling on the road, or prevented by some unexpected event, I always broke bread every Lord's Day. Shortly afterward, my mother discovered what we were doing. She did not object; she only commented that we were too bold. Several months later, she also joined us in breaking bread. Gradually the way the Lord was taking us began to have its outside effects. There was talk that several members of the Nee family were baptized by immersion. The district superintendent of the Methodist Church came to inquire of us concerning this matter. I said, "The only question is whether or not baptism by immersion is scriptural. If it is not scriptural, I am willing to stand before the congregation and confess my error; if it is scriptural, then I must obey." He only said, "Yes, it is scriptural, but you should not be so legal." If there was no need to be legal in one matter, there was no need to be legal in any matter. It surprised me to find that while the Methodists had originally been our good friends, now because of baptism by immersion, they turned quite cold toward us. From that day on I realized what it means to obey the Lord and that there is a price to do it. I also realized that people do not ordinarily consider baptism important; however, after one is baptized in a different way, they do consider it important.
LEAVING THE DENOMINATION
During the latter half of 1922, I uncovered another problem from the Bible— the problem of denominations. Do the Scriptures say that I should be a member of the Methodist Church? In 1 Corinthians 1 Paul exhorted the Corinthian believers not to be divisive by saying, "I am of Paul, and I of Apollos, and I of Cephas, and I of Christ." I began to consider: Was Wesley greater than Paul? If Paul rebuked the Corinthian believers for saying, "I am of Christ," surely for you to say that you are of the Presbyterian Church, while I am of the Methodist Church, and he is of the Baptist Church, is not scriptural. At this time I was studying in a mission school. The school sent me as a delegate to a spring retreat and required on the application form that I state in what denomination I held membership. I wrote, "I am a Christian and I
belong directly to Christ." They said, "Nevertheless, you are still a member of a denomination." I replied, "No, I am simply a Christian. The Bible does not say that I should be a member of any denomination." At that time I was determined not to confess with my mouth that I belonged to the Methodist Church. Whenever I was asked concerning this matter, I always replied, "I am a Christian." One day while reading the Bible I was pondering this problem: Could I simply leave the denomination? Shortly after this I heard someone say that a certain department store went bankrupt. The conversation went like this: Whenever several people go into a business partnership, regardless of whether or not they are personally involved in the business of the store, once the business goes bankrupt, none can escape the consequences; everyone must share the responsibility of the bankruptcy. I realized from this conversation that as a member of the Methodist Church I was in a sort of partnership. Although in reality I did not take part in the system of the Methodist Church, in name I could not escape the consequences. If I wished to follow the Lord, not only must I refrain from being a member of the Methodist Church in deeds, but also I must have my name removed from the Methodist Church. Having become clear concerning this matter, I felt it necessary to discuss it with my mother, since originally it was she who placed my name there. My mother did not immediately approve of my intention, for she feared that the Western missionaries who were considered our good friends would be offended. My feeling was that we should not be afraid of people being offended by us; rather, we should be afraid of the One who is greater than men being offended by us. One day I went by boat to Mawei to see Margaret Barber. I asked how she felt about my name being in the Methodist Church's book of life (what they called the church register). She replied, "I am afraid that among the names in that book of life many are dead and not a few are perishing." I said, "Should I have my name in a book of life on earth?" She replied, "If your name is recorded in the book of life in heaven, what good will an earthly book of life do you? And if your name is not recorded in the heavenly book of life, what will this earthly book of life profit you?" I spoke to my mother persistently for two months regarding this matter, but still she would not agree. One day while my whole family was in the garden, I took the opportunity to speak to my parents. I said, "Is it scriptural to leave our name in the denomination?" They answered, "No." Again I said, "Is it our duty to obey the Bible?" "Yes," they replied. Then I pressed on, saying, "Then why do we delay and not obey the Scriptures?" They replied, "Very well. Do it; do it." Immediately, I drafted a letter, and my father personally wrote out the letter. After each of us signed it, I dispatched it by registered mail. In essence, the letter said this: "We have seen that sects are unscriptural and that denominationalism is sinful. Therefore, from this day on please remove our names from your book of life. We are doing this not
because of any personal animosity, but simply because we wish to obey the teaching of the Scriptures. Our decision is final, and it will not be necessary to bring it up again. We still consider ourselves your friends. Besides our desire to obey the Bible, there is no other reason for our action." Four days after the letter was mailed, several Western missionaries came to our home. They said, "One only hears of a church excommunicating its members, never of a member excommunicating himself from a church. What is the reason for your action?" We answered, "We have already explained our reason, and there is no need to discuss it further." The following day they asked the principal of a certain school to come speak to us. We said, "We have nothing to say. We are still your friends, but we wish our names to be removed from the record." Later, our pastor, the district superintendent, and the bishop all came asking whether we had taken this action because of baptism by immersion. They explained that if members of the Methodist Church wished to be baptized by immersion, there was no problem. We replied, "The Lord led us to do what we have done. You feel there is no need to be legal, but we feel we must obey the Lord at all cost." It is not a question of arguing with others about baptism by immersion or about leaving the denominations. The only question is whether or not men are willing to obey the Scriptures. To be baptized by immersion and to leave the denominations are not great things; they are but two items among thousands that require our obedience. The main thing in the Scriptures is obedience.
CHAPTER SEVEN
LEARNING HOW TO BRING PEOPLE TO THE LORD
WATCHMAN NEE'S PERSONAL TESTIMONY GIVEN AT KULANGSU, FUKIEN, OCTOBER 18, 1936
After I was saved, I spontaneously loved the souls of sinners and hoped that they would be saved. To this end, I began to preach the gospel and to bear testimony among my schoolmates. After nearly a year's work, however, no one was saved. I thought the more words I could speak and the more reasons I could present, the more effective I would be in saving people. But though I had much to speak concerning the Lord, my words lacked power to move the listeners.
Prayer for Others' Salvation
About this time I met a Western missionary, Miss Groves (Margaret Barber's co-worker), who asked me how many persons I had brought to the Lord in
the year following my salvation. I bowed my head, hoping to forestall further questioning, and shamefully admitted in a low voice that, although I had preached the gospel to my schoolmates, they did not like to listen, and when they did listen, they would not believe. My attitude was that, since they would not heed the gospel, they would have to bear the consequences. She spoke to me frankly, "You are unable to lead people to the Lord because there is something between God and you. It may be some hidden sins not yet completely dealt with, or something for which you are indebted to someone." I admitted that such things existed, and she asked if I were willing to settle them immediately. I answered that I was willing. She also asked how I went about bearing testimony. I replied that I pulled people in at random and began to speak, regardless of whether they were listening or not. She said, "This is not right. You must speak to God first, before you speak to people. You should pray to God, make a list of your schoolmates' names, and ask God which of them you should pray for. Pray for them daily, mentioning them by name. Then when God affords the opportunity, you should bear testimony to them." After that conversation, I immediately began to deal with my sins by making restitution, paying debts, being reconciled with my schoolmates, and confessing offenses to others. I also entered in my notebook the names of about seventy schoolmates and began praying for them daily, mentioning their names individually before God. Sometimes I prayed for them once every hour, praying silently, even in class. When opportunity arose, I would bear testimony to them and try to persuade them to believe in the Lord Jesus. My schoolmates often said jokingly, "Mr. Preacher is coming. Let us listen to his preaching." The fact was that they had no intention to listen. I called on Miss Groves again and said to her, "I have fully carried out your instructions. Why is it not effective?" She replied, "Do not be disappointed. Keep praying until some are saved." By the Lord's grace, I continued to pray daily. When opportunity arose, I bore testimony and preached the gospel. Thank the Lord, after several months, all but one of the seventy persons whose names were in my notebook were saved.
To Be Filled with the Holy Spirit
Though some had been saved, I was still not satisfied, because many in the school and in the town were still not saved. I felt the need to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to receive power from above that I might be able to bring more people to the Lord. Then I called on Miss Margaret Barber. Being immature in spiritual matters, I asked her if it was necessary to be filled with the Holy Spirit in order to obtain power to bring many to salvation. She answered, "Yes." I asked her concerning the means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. She said, "You must present yourself to God that He may fill you with Himself." I replied that I had already presented myself. But when I considered, I knew that I was still my old self. I knew that God had saved me,
chosen me, and called me. Though I had not yet attained absolute victory, I had been freed from sins and evil habits, and many matters hitherto entangling me had been abandoned. However, I still felt the lack of spiritual power to cope with spiritual work. Then she told me the following story: Brother Prigin was an American who had been to China. He had obtained a master's degree and was studying for a Ph.D. Feeling the condition of his spiritual life unsatisfactory, he sought the Lord and prayed. He said to God, "I have very strong unbelief; some sins I cannot overcome, and I have no power to work." For two weeks he asked God specifically to fill him with the Holy Spirit that he might lead a victorious life with power. God said, "Do you really want this? If so, do not take the Ph.D. examination two months from now, for I have no need of a doctor of philosophy." He felt he was in a dilemma. The Ph.D. degree seemed a sure thing; it would be a pity not to sit for the examination. He knelt down to pray and ask why God would not allow him to get the degree and be a minister as well. But here is a strange thing: Once God has made a demand, He sticks to it and never compromises with anyone. The following two months were most painful. On the last Saturday of that period he experienced real conflict within. Did he want the degree or did he want to be filled with the Holy Spirit? Which was better: a doctor's degree or a victorious life? Others could be doctors and yet be used by God as well— why couldn't he? He was struggling and reasoning with God and was at his wits' end. The Ph.D. was dear to him and so was the filling of the Holy Spirit. But God would not give way. To choose a doctor's degree would make it impossible to live the spiritual life. To live the spiritual life would require forfeiting a doctor's degree. At length, with tears in his eyes, he said, "I submit. Despite my two years' study toward a Ph.D. degree, a goal which I have cherished for thirty years, ever since childhood, I have no alternative but to relinquish sitting for the examination for the sake of submission to God." Following this decision he wrote to notify the university authorities that he would not sit for the examination on Monday, thus abandoning hope for a Ph.D. degree once and for all. He was so exhausted that night that he could find no message to deliver the following day. So he simply told the congregation the story of his surrender to the Lord. On that day the congregation was revived. Three-quarters of them were in tears. He himself also gained strength. He said, "If I had known before that the result would be like this, I would have submitted earlier." His subsequent work was greatly blessed by the Lord, and he was one who had the deepest knowledge of God. When I visited England, I intended to go on to the United States to meet him, but the Lord took him before I had the opportunity. But when I heard this testimony, I said to the Lord, "I am willing to remove anything standing between God and me in order to be filled with the Holy Spirit." Between 1920 and 1922 I went to at least two or three hundred people to confess offenses. After a further strict scrutiny of past events, I felt there was still
something between God and me; otherwise, I would have had spiritual vitality. But despite further dealings in many ways, I still could not gain strength.
Dealt With by God
One day while seeking a theme from the Bible before delivering a message, I randomly opened the Bible and Psalm 73:25 appeared before my eyes: "Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee." After reading these words I said to myself, "The writer of this psalm can say that, but I cannot." I discovered then that there was something between me and God. Since my wife is not present today, I will relate the story to you. About ten years before our marriage, I was in love with her. She was not then saved, and when I spoke with her about the Lord Jesus and tried to persuade her to believe, she laughed at me. I must admit that I did love her, but at the same time I suffered her laughter at the Lord I believed in. I also questioned at that time whether she or the Lord would have first place in my heart. I must say that once young people have fallen in love, they find it very difficult to give up their beloved. I told God of my willingness to give her up, but deep in my heart I was not willing. After reading Psalm 73 again, I said to God, "I cannot say that there is none upon earth that I desire besides Thee, because there is one on earth whom I love." At that instant, the Holy Spirit indicated clearly that there was something between God and me. On that day I delivered a message, but I did not know what I was talking about. I was actually speaking to God, asking Him to be patient and impart strength to me until I could give her up. I asked God to postpone dealing with this matter. But God never reasons with people. I considered going to the frontier of desolate Tibet to evangelize and suggested many other enterprises to God, hoping that He might be moved not to raise again the question of my giving up the one I loved. But once God's finger has pointed to something, He will not withdraw it. No matter how hard I prayed, I could not get through. I had no enthusiasm for my studies in school, and at the same time I failed to acquire the power of the Holy Spirit, which I was earnestly seeking. I was in great distress. I prayed constantly, hoping that my earnest supplication might change God's mind. Thank the Lord that all along He wanted me to learn to deny myself, to lay aside human love, and love Him with a single heart. Otherwise, I would be a useless Christian in His hand. He cut down my natural life with a sharp knife so that I might learn a lesson which I had never learned before. On one occasion I delivered a message and returned to my room with a heavy heart. I told God that I would return to school the following Monday and seek for the filling of the Holy Spirit and the love of Christ. During the following two weeks, I found that I still could not say with conviction the words of Psalm 73:25. But thank the Lord, soon afterwards I was filled with
His love, and I was willing to lay my loved one down and loudly declare, "I will lay her aside! Never will she be mine!" After this declaration I was at long last able to utter the words of Psalm 73:25. On that day I was in the second heaven, if not the third. The world appeared smaller to me, and it was as if I were mounting the clouds and riding the mists. On the evening of my salvation, the burden of my sins rolled away, but on that day, February 13, 1922, when I laid aside my beloved, my heart was emptied of everything that previously occupied me.
[At that time Brother Nee wrote the following hymn:
How vast, immense, and measureless The love of Christ to me! How else could such a wretch as I Be blessed so graciously? To bring me back unto Himself, My Lord His all did spend; So I would gladly bear the cross And follow to the end. My all I have forsaken now, This blessed Christ to gain; Now life or death is no concern— What else can me restrain? My dear ones, wealth, ambition, fame— What can they offer me? My gracious Lord for me was poor; For Him I poor would be. My precious Savior now I love, Him only would I please. For Him all gain a loss becomes, And comfort holds no ease. Thou art my comfort, gracious Lord! I've none in heav'n but Thee. And who but Thee is there on earth With whom I love to be? Though loneliness and trials come, My griefs I'd rise above. This only would I ask Thee, Lord: Surround me with Thy love! O gracious Lord, I now beseech, Guide me through every stage; Stand by and strengthen me to go Through this dark, evil age. The world, the flesh, and Satan too, Do tempt my soul apace; Without Thy love and strength'ning
power I may Thy name disgrace. The time, dear Lord, is running short; From earth my soul set free. When Thou dost come, I'll sing with joy, Hallelujah to Thee!] In the following week, people began to be saved. Brother Weigh, who was my classmate, can testify to the fact that up to this time I had been very particular about my dress. I used to wear a long silk gown with red dots. But on that day, I removed my refined clothing and shoes. I went to the kitchen, made some paste, and with a bundle of gospel posters in my arms, went to the street to post them on the walls and to distribute gospel tracts. In those days in Foochow, Fukien, this was a pioneer act. From my second school term in 1922, I began the gospel work, and many of my schoolmates were saved. I prayed daily for those whose names were in my notebook. From 1923, we began to borrow or rent places for meetings to expand the work of evangelization. Several hundred people were saved at the same time. All but one of those whose names were in my notebook were saved. This is evident proof that God listens to such prayers. It is His way that we must first pray for sinners before they can be saved. In those few years there were many instances to confirm this fact.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LIVING IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD
Following his salvation, Watchman Nee first began bringing people to the Lord, and second he began learning to live in the Lord's presence. He discovered that anything between him and God was a hindrance to receiving answers to prayer. It was also a frustration to trusting God for his needs and kept him out of God's presence. At the same time he saw that he must make thorough confession of sins to God and fully rectify any wrongs regarding people. He was very strict in these two matters in order to maintain a good conscience without offense (1 Tim. 1:5; Acts 24:16). Whenever he was having a transaction with God regarding a certain matter, God would deal with him regarding the elimination of certain things to maintain his fellowship with God. He went on with God in this way through his entire life.
DEALING WITH SINS
In order to stay in God's presence, he repeatedly wrote to the saints confessing his wrongs, offenses, and faults, asking for forgiveness. He dealt with sins both before people and before God. Many times at the Lord's table he was heard to confess in prayer that he was sinful and to ask the Lord to forgive him. This indicated a conscience sensitive to anything sinful before God. His conscience was so keen because he always
kept it pure by dealing with sins before men and God, leaving nothing undealt with. By keeping his conscience free of offense, he was able to maintain an intimate fellowship with God.
DEALING WITH WORLDLINESS
In order to live in the presence of God, Watchman Nee eliminated everything worldly from his life. He was absolutely separated from the world. There was no sign of worldliness in his home, in his manner of dress, or in anything related to his living. Although he did not do it in a legal way, he lived in an unworldly manner throughout his entire life. He would not observe any festival or celebrate a birthday because to his enlightened understanding these things were worldly.
He kept himself from worldliness not only in his living but also in his work. The way all his publications were designed bore no impression of the world, nor did any of the practices he introduced into the church have any flavor of the world.
Because he dealt with worldliness in such a strict fashion, he was continually kept in the presence of God. His manner of life exercised a strong influence upon all of us who were close to him and upon all the churches in the Lord's recovery which were benefited from his ministry.
DEALING WITH THE FLESH
The flesh is the worst part of fallen man and always fights against the Spirit of God (Gen. 6:3; Gal. 5:17). Watchman Nee fully realized this and always stood against his flesh and natural temperament in order to maintain an unbroken fellowship with the Lord and remain in the presence of God. His flesh was continually suppressed by simply living in the spirit and behaving according to the inner anointing. By living and behaving in this way, he was continually exercised in prayer for the Lord's deliverance. He feared his flesh and would do nothing according to his flesh, but continually walked according to his spirit that he might not lose God's presence.
DEALING WITH SELF
It was revealed to Watchman Nee that fallen man is saturated with Satan and can easily become the very embodiment and expression of Satan. This was Peter's experience in Matthew 16:21-23. In following the Lord Watchman Nee continually denied the self (Matt. 16:24) in order to continually enjoy the Lord's presence. He feared the self and condemned it more than any other negative thing. In his daily life, in his work, and in his contact with others, no trace of self could be found. Rather, his behavior and his work always left the impression that he was a person bearing the cross and denying the self. It was by such a living that he maintained the enjoyment of God's presence.
DEALING WITH SELF-PREFERENCE
Watchman Nee was fully aware of the self-preference which exists in the fallen nature of man. His conscience would not allow him to have any self-preference in spiritual things or in the Lord's work. He knew that King Saul lost his kingship and throne because of his self-preference (1 Sam. 15:1-28). Realizing that self-preference was more subtle than either sin or worldliness, he frequently touched people's conscience in this matter when speaking to them. He would not tolerate any self-preference to exist between himself and the Lord in order to maintain the presence of God.
DEALING WITH DISOBEDIENCE
Disobedience was another thing Watchman Nee dealt with in order to maintain fellowship in the Lord's presence. His experience was that nothing, not even good and spiritual things, can substitute for obedience. For him to obey the Lord meant to cleave to the Lord's purposed will; it did not mean to take His permissive will as Balaam did (Num. 22:2-35). Anything which deviates from the Lord's purposed will is a form of disobedience. For him disobedience was a veil which would separate him from God's presence. He stressed that for him to receive light and revelation from the Lord he needed an unveiled face. Margaret Barber told him, and he passed it on to his close associates, that a small leaf on a tree can block out the full moon from one's sight. Since he realized that disobedience would cause the loss of God's presence, he made it his purpose to obey the Lord's will and the Lord's revelation at any cost.
APPLYING THE BLOOD OF CHRIST
In order to keep his fellowship with the Lord untarnished, Watchman Nee learned how to apply the blood of Christ to his situation. He told me that once his conscience was strongly condemning him before God concerning certain things. He could not get through, so he was compelled to seek out Miss Barber for help. After relating his story to her, she said to him, "The blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us" (1 John 1:7). When he told her that he was still under condemnation she repeated to him several times, "The blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us." Eventually, he received light that only the blood of the Lord can keep one's conscience from any kind of condemnation before God. By that fellowship with Miss Barber, he learned that through the cleansing of the Lord's blood it is possible to keep oneself always in the presence of God.
In 1940 while I was attending his training in Shanghai, I heard him confessing sin and applying the Lord's blood in his prayer at the Lord's table. I was greatly impressed with his prayer. This indicated that he relied upon the cleansing of the Lord's blood to maintain a continual practice of God's presence.
ABIDING IN THE LORD
Watchman Nee also thoroughly learned the lesson of abiding in the Lord according to the inner anointing (1 John 2:27-28). To him this was vital for the practice of the
presence of God. He realized that the inner anointing was the Lord's moving and working within him. To disobey the anointing was to disobey the Lord Himself. Only by obeying the inner anointing could he have the closest and most intimate walk with the Lord. He realized that even a little negligence regarding the inner anointing would keep him away from the presence of God.
By all the above practices, he kept himself continually in the presence of God. No shadow whatsoever was allowed to come between him and God, and his fellowship with the Lord was constantly maintained. It was in this kind of uninterrupted fellowship with the Lord that he continually received heavenly light and spiritual revelation. He greatly treasured God's presence. To him God's presence was life, light, power, and victory. In His presence he enjoyed all the riches of God's provision. It is obvious that he received much help from the book The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. In this matter he was also helped very much by the biography of Hudson Taylor.
CHAPTER NINE
LIVING BY FAITH
From the very beginning, Watchman Nee realized fully that he should live by faith, not only for his living, but also for the Lord's work. Thus he learned to trust in the Lord for all his needs. This forced him to pray much, to consecrate himself to the Lord absolutely, to thoroughly deal with the Lord, and to obey the Lord in everything. In order to trust God in a living and practical way, he needed to keep his conscience free of offense. He would often say that a hole in our conscience would cause our faith to leak out.
Living by faith kept him in the Lord's will. When living and working by our own means, we do not need to be restricted and limited by the Lord's will. We can do whatever we like, whenever we like, without needing to seek the Lord's will or to wait for His guidance. But to live by faith requires us to be restricted to the Lord's will; otherwise, when we pray in faith He will not answer. He will never support us and supply our need in anything we are doing according to our own preference. Through living by faith, Watchman Nee was preserved from being distracted by the outward appearance of the work. What he cared for was the Lord's will, not a booming work. His desire was to live by a faith that God would honor. He knew that if he performed any work which was not done in life and according to God's will, God would never respond to his faith. For this reason, both his personal life and his work were continually under restriction.
Down through the years, he continually exercised himself to live such a life of faith. In China he pioneered such a life. He became a strong example for all his close associates who had been called by the Lord to live and work for Him by faith.
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WATCHMAN NEE'S PERSONAL TESTIMONY GIVEN AT KULANGSU, FUKIEN, OCTOBER 20, 1936
While praying last night, it seemed that the Lord wanted me to testify once again. Those who know me are aware that I seldom testify regarding my own affairs. It has been my observation that people often abuse others' testimonies, treating them as news for circulation. It is also true that some testimonies are not sufficiently founded. The third heaven experience of the apostle Paul was not disclosed to others until after fourteen years. Regarding many spiritual testimonies, an appropriate length of time should be allowed to elapse before they are divulged. Many, however, would speak them forth not in fourteen years, but in fourteen days.
Matters concerning Money
The matter of money can be either a small or a big problem. When I began to serve the Lord, I was somewhat anxious about the question of my livelihood. Had I been a preacher in a denomination, I would have been on a large monthly salary. But since I was to walk in the Lord's way, I would only rely upon Him to support me; I could not depend upon a monthly salary. In the years 1921 and 1922, very few preachers in China lived in sole reliance on the Lord. It was difficult to find even two or three; the great majority lived on salary. At that time many preachers were not bold enough to devote their entire time to serving the Lord; they felt that if they were not receiving a regular salary, they would not know how to face a situation in which they had nothing to live on. I also had such thoughts. In China today [1936] there are approximately fifty brothers and sisters in fellowship with us who live by relying solely on the Lord. Such a situation is more common now than it was in 1922. Brothers and sisters in various places today also care for the workers more than before. I think that after ten years or so, brothers and sisters will show even greater concern for the need of the servants of the Lord. But it was not very common ten years ago.
Declaring to My Parents My Desire to Live by Faith
I have pointed out in a previous testimony that after I was saved I continued to study in school and at the same time work for the Lord. One evening I spoke with my father concerning the matter of receiving financial assistance. I said, "After praying for several days, I feel that I must tell you that I will no longer spend your money. I appreciate that you have spent so much on me in accord with your sense of fatherly responsibility. But you will expect me to earn money in the future and support you in return, and I must tell you beforehand that since I am going to be a preacher, I will not be able to repay you in the future nor pay you interest. Even though I have not completed my studies, I wish to learn to depend solely upon God." When I said this, my father thought I was joking. However, from then on, when my mother would
occasionally give me five or ten dollars, she would write on the envelope: "To Brother Nee To-sheng." She was not giving me money as a mother. After I had expressed myself thus to my father, the devil came to tempt me by saying, "Such an act is very dangerous. Suppose one day you are unable to maintain your living and you again approach your father for money. Won't that be disgraceful? You have spoken to your father too soon; you should have waited until there was more progress in your work, until many people had been saved and you had many friends, before you began to live a life of faith." But thank the Lord, ever since I expressed my decision to discontinue receiving my father's support, I have never asked him for money.
Looking to God for Sustenance while Working
To the best of my knowledge, Sister Dora Yu was the only preacher at that time who did not receive a salary and who depended wholly upon God for her living. She was my spiritual elder sister, and we knew each other very well. She had many friends, Chinese and foreign, and the field of her work was very wide since she preached everywhere. But my condition was just the opposite; few cared for me, so I found it rather difficult. Yet when I looked to the Lord, He said to me, "If you cannot live by faith, you cannot work for Me." I knew that I needed living work and living faith to serve a living God. When once I found that there was only about ten dollars in my wallet, which before long would be fully spent, I suddenly recalled the widow of Zarephath, who had only a handful of meal in the barrel and a little oil in the cruse (1 Kings 17:12). There were not two handfuls of meal. I did not know by what means God sustained her, but I knew He had the means. In 1921 two co-workers and I went to a place in Fukien province to preach, intending to go from there to another place. In my pocket were only four dollars, an insufficient amount for three bus tickets. But, thank the Lord, a brother gave us three tickets. Again, at Kulangsu, in the south of Fukien province, my money was stolen from my pocket, so that I had no traveling expenses to return home. We were then staying in someone's house and preached once a day in a small chapel. We finished and were ready to leave. My two co-workers had money to return home, but mine had been stolen. (At that time each of us was spending his own money.) They made the decision to leave on the following day. When I heard this I was embarrassed, but I was not willing to borrow money from them. That evening I prayed to God, beseeching Him to provide the needed money for traveling expenses. Nobody knew this. That afternoon some people had come to speak with me about the Word, but I was in no mood to do so. At that time the devil came to tempt me and shake my faith, but I was firm in believing that God would not let me down. I was then merely a youth, just embarking on serving the Lord by faith; I had not yet learned the lesson of living by faith. I continued praying to God that evening,
thinking that perhaps I had done something wrong. The devil said, "You could ask the co-workers to buy your ticket, then repay them when you reach the provincial capital." I did not accept this suggestion and continued looking to God. When the time came for us to leave, there was still no money in hand. I packed my luggage as usual and hired a rickshaw. At that moment, I recalled the story of a brother who had no train ticket when the train was about to leave, but at that very instant, God ordered someone to give him a ticket. We were all ready and boarded the rickshaws, of which there were three. I took the last one. When the rickshaw had been pulled about forty yards, an old man in a long gown came from behind shouting, "Mr. Nee, please stop!" I ordered the rickshaw boy to halt. After handing me a parcel of food as well as an envelope, the old man departed. I was then so grateful for God's arrangement that my eyes were filled with tears. When I opened the envelope, I found four dollars inside, just sufficient for a bus ticket. The devil kept speaking to me, "Don't you see how dangerous it is?" I replied, "I was indeed a little anxious about it, but it is by no means dangerous, for God has supplied my need in time." After arriving in Amoy, another brother gave me a return ticket. In 1923 Brother Weigh Kwang-hsi invited me to preach in Kien-ou in the north of Fukien province. I had only about fifteen dollars in my pocket, onethird of the traveling expenses. I decided to leave on Friday evening and continued my prayer on Wednesday and Thursday. The money, however, did not come in. I prayed again Friday morning. Not only was no money forthcoming, but also I had a feeling within that I should give five dollars to a certain co-worker. I recalled the Lord's words: "Give, and it will be given to you." I had not been a money lover, but on that day I really loved money and found it extremely difficult to give. I prayed to the Lord again, "O Lord, if You really want me to give away five dollars, I will," but I was still rather unwilling inwardly. I was deceived by Satan into thinking that after praying I would not have to give away the five dollars. That was the only time in my life that I shed tears over money. Eventually, I obeyed the Lord and gave the five dollars to that co-worker. After the money was given, I was filled with heavenly joy. When the co-worker asked why I gave him the money, I said, "You need not ask; you will know later." Friday evening I prepared to begin my journey. I said to God, "Fifteen dollars was already insufficient, and You wanted me to give away five dollars. Won't the sum be even more inadequate? Now I don't know how to pray." I made up my mind to go first to Shui-Kow by steamer and then to Kien-ou by a small wooden boat. I spent only a little for the journey to Shui-Kow. As the steamer was about to arrive, I felt that if I would not pray according to my own concept, the result would be much better. So I said to the Lord, "I do not know how to pray; please do it for me." I added, "If You will not give me the money, please provide a boat for me with a little fare." When I arrived in Shui-Kow, many boatmen came to solicit business. One asked only seven dollars for my passage. This price was beyond expectation; the usual fare was
several times more. I asked the boatman why his price was so low, and he replied, "This boat is hired by the magistrate, but I am allowed to take one passenger only for the space at the stern, so I do not care how much the fare is. But you have to provide your own food." Originally, I had fifteen dollars in my pocket. After giving five dollars to a co-worker and spending a few dimes for the journey by steamer, seven dollars for the small wooden boat, and a dollar or so for food, there was still a dollar thirty left when I reached Kienou. Thank the Lord! Praise Him that His ordering is always good. After I completed my work at Kien-ou and was ready to return to Foochow, the problem arose again: I did not have sufficient funds for traveling expenses to return. I had decided to leave on the following Monday, so I continued praying until Saturday. This time I had a feeling of certainty in my heart, recalling that before I left Foochow, God had asked me to give five dollars to a co-worker, which I then begrudged giving. At that time I read Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you," and I laid hold of this sentence. I said to God, "Since You have said this, I beseech You to provide me with the necessary money for traveling expenses according to Your promise." On Sunday evening a British pastor, Mr. Philips, a true brother, assuredly saved and loving the Lord, asked Brother Weigh and me to dinner. At dinner Mr. Philips told me that he and his church had received great help through my messages, and they offered to be responsible for my traveling expenses both ways. I replied that there was already someone who had accepted this responsibility, meaning God. Then he said, "When you get back to Foochow, I will give you The Dynamic of Service written by Mr. Paget Wilkes, a gospel messenger greatly used by the Lord in Japan." I soon felt that I had missed a great opportunity; what I needed then was money for traveling expenses, not a book. I somewhat regretted that I had not accepted his offer. After dinner Brother Weigh and I returned home together. I had refused Mr. Philips's offer for my traveling expenses so that I might look solely to God for help; nevertheless, there was joy and peace in my heart. Brother Weigh was unaware of my financial situation. I had a slight thought of borrowing money from him for my expenses and then reimbursing him when I returned to Foochow, but God would not allow me to divulge this matter to him. I was under full conviction that God in heaven is forever dependable, and I wished to see how He was going to provide for me. When I left the following day, I had only a few dollars in my pocket. Many brothers and sisters came to see me off, and some carried my luggage. While walking I prayed, "Lord, surely You wouldn't bring me here without taking me back." Halfway to the wharf, Mr. Philips sent someone with a letter. The letter read, "Though someone else has assumed the responsibility for your traveling expenses, I feel that I should have a share in your work here. Would it be possible for me, an aged brother, to have such a share? Please be good enough to accept this small sum for this purpose." After reading the letter, I felt I should accept the money, and I did. It was not only sufficient for my
return expenses to Foochow, but also for printing one issue of The Present Testimony. Upon my return to Foochow, the wife of the co-worker who received the five dollars said to me, "I have the feeling that when you left you did not have enough money yourself. Why did you suddenly give five dollars to my husband?" I then asked her what had occurred in connection with the five dollars, and she replied, "We had only one dollar left in the house on Wednesday, and that had been spent by Friday. On Friday we prayed all day. Afterwards my husband felt that he should go for a walk, and then he met you, and you gave him five dollars. The five dollars lasted us through five days; then God provided for us from another source." At this point she continued with tears, "If you had not given us the five dollars on that day, we would have suffered hunger. It does not matter that we suffer hunger, but what about God's promise?" Her testimony filled me with joy. The Lord had worked through me to supply their need with the five dollars. The Word of the Lord is indeed faithful: "Give, and it will be given to you." This is the lesson I have learned in my life. I have now experienced that the less money I have in my hand, the more God will give. This is a difficult path to follow. Many people may feel that they are able to live the life of faith; but when the trial comes, they are in fear. Unless you can believe in the real and living God, I do not advise you to take this path. I can bear testimony today that God is the One who gives. To be sustained by means of ravens as Elijah was at his time is still possible today. I am going to mention something to you which you may find difficult to believe. It has been my experience that God's supply arrives when I have spent my last dollar. I have had fourteen years of experience. In each experience God wanted to get the glory for Himself. God has supplied all my needs and has not failed me once. Those who used to give do not do so now. There is a constant change of offerers; one lot of people replaces another. All this does not matter, for God in the highest is a living God. He never changes! I say this today for your benefit. I must say this that you may go straight forward in the path of living a life of faith. There are ten to twenty more cases like these that I have already related to you. Concerning the matter of offering the Lord money, one ought to set aside a definite amount—a tithe of your income or a half of your income—and put it in the hand of God. From her natural being, the widow who gave two halffarthings might have grudged doing so, but she was praised by the Lord. We have to be an example for others; we need not fear, for God will not fail. We should learn to love God, to believe Him, and to serve Him as is His due. We ought to thank Him and praise Him because of His unspeakable grace! Amen.
Looking to God for Sustenance for the Publication Work
Some people would never enter a meeting place to listen to the gospel. For this reason, in 1922 I began printing gospel tracts. The gospel must be delivered to them. After writing the tracts, I began praying and asking for provision for the printing and distribution expenses. God said to me, "If you wish Me to answer your prayer, you must first rid yourself of all hindrances." On the following Sunday, I preached on the theme, "Removal of All Hindrances." At that very time many people were criticizing the wife of one of my co-workers, who was a sister among us. After the meeting she stood at the door. When I entered the meeting to deliver the message, I looked at her and inwardly criticized her, considering others' criticism of her to be true. When I left the meeting hall after delivering the message, I greeted her. Later, when I again supplicated God for printing expenses, saying that I had removed all hindrances, God said to me, "What is the message which you have delivered? You have criticized that sister; that is a hindrance to prayer, a hindrance which you ought to deal with. You must go to her and confess your guilt." I replied, "It is not necessary to confess to others sins that are in the mind." God answered, "Yes, that is right, but your condition is different." Afterward, when I considered confessing to her and came face to face with the issue, I hesitated five times. Even though I wished to do it, I was concerned that she, who had always greatly admired me, would then despise me. I said to God, "If you order me to do anything else, I will do it, but I am unwilling to confess to her." I continued to ask God for the printing expenses, but He would not listen to my reasoning. Rather, He insisted on my confessing. The sixth time, through the Lord's grace, I confessed to her. With tears we both confessed our faults and then forgave each other. We were filled with joy and thereafter loved each other all the more in the Lord. Shortly after this, the postman delivered a letter containing fifteen U.S. dollars. The letter read, "I like to distribute gospel tracts and feel constrained to assist you in the matter of printing gospel tracts. Please accept my gift." As soon as all hindrances were removed, God answered my prayer. Thank the Lord! This was my first experience of God's answering my prayer in the matter of printing. We were then handing out more than a thousand tracts daily. Two or three million copies were printed and distributed annually to supply the churches in various places. In the few years after the publication work was begun, God always answered my prayers and supplied all our needs. The Lord also wanted me to publish the magazine The Present Testimony and to give it out free of charge. At that time all spiritual periodicals throughout China were for sale; only what I published was free. The editing room where I wrote the manuscripts was a small cubicle. When the manuscripts were completed, they were sent to the press. When there were no funds available, I would pray to God for His provision for printing. When I considered what I was doing, I laughed because the manuscripts were being
sent to the press without the necessary funds. As long as I live, I will never forget the time when I had no sooner finished laughing than there was a knock at the door. Upon opening the door, I saw a middle-aged woman who constantly came to the meetings but to whom my heart was unusually cool. She was wealthy, but she loved money and treated a dime as a dollar. I wondered how she could possibly be the one who would give money for printing the magazine. Then I asked her why she had come. She replied, "About an hour ago I began feeling inwardly uneasy. When I prayed to God, He told me that I am not like a Christian, for I have never done well in the matter of offering, and that I love money too much. I asked Him what He wanted me to do, and He said, `You should offer some money for the use of My work.' " Then she took out thirty silver dollars and placed them on the table, saying, "Spend it on whatever you feel the need is." Then as I looked at the table, I saw two things, the manuscripts and the money. I thanked the Lord without thanking her. She left, and I went immediately to the printers to negotiate the printing. The money she had given was sufficient to print fourteen hundred copies of the magazine. Others gave money for the packing expenses and postage. Now about seven thousand copies of each issue are being printed. All the finances required are provided by God at the right time and in the way I have been relating. I have never solicited contributions from anyone. At times people have even begged me to accept money. In all of these matters I have been looking solely to Him.
In Watchman Nee's Narration of the Past, given in a meeting on the Lord's Day, December 4, 1932, he related the same matters in more detail.
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By the end of 1922 I had a burden to publish a magazine, because a number had been saved in Foochow, and the number was increasing. At that time, Brother Leland Wang was away in the Yangtze region doing evangelistic work. Only his wife and children were at home. He asked me to move into his house to help take care of the family. Daily, Sister Wang and I prayed for the magazine. I was at that time extremely pressed financially. After praying for more than a month, there was not a single dollar on hand. One morning I arose and said, "There is no need to pray further—that would be a lack of faith. What I must do is start writing. God need not put the money into our hands before we begin to write! Henceforth, I will no longer pray for this matter, but will proceed with the preparation of drafts." When everything was ready and the last word had been written, I said, "Now the money will come." Eventually, I knelt down to pray again, saying, "O God, the draft is ready for printing, but there is still no money." After praying thus, I felt wonderfully confident that God would certainly give the money. We began to praise God.
The amazing thing was that we had no more risen to our feet than there was a knock at the door. I thought someone was coming with the money. That house being Sister Wang's, I let her answer the door. To my surprise, the one who came was a wealthy yet stingy sister. "Oh, since it is she," I thought, "there could be no money." But she said to me, "I have something extremely important to see you about." "Please tell me," I replied. Then she asked, "How should a Christian donate?" I replied that we should not adopt the Old Testament way of paying tithes, but follow the word in 2 Corinthians 9:7, which says that each person should give according to the order of God. He may donate a half, a third, a tenth, or a twentieth of his income. She then asked, "Where should the donation be made?" I answered, "Do not give it to a church which opposes the Lord, nor to those who do not believe the Bible or the redemption of the Lord's shed blood. If no one contributes to them, they will not be able to carry on their preaching. Pray before each donation; then give it either to the poor or to some work, but never to an improper organization." She said, "The Lord has been speaking to me for many days concerning my excessive devotion to money. At first I could not reconcile myself to this, but now I can do so. When I was praying this morning, the Lord said to me, `There is no need for you to pray anymore. Just start giving away your money.' I was rather disconcerted, but now I am here with thirty dollars for you to use for the Lord's work." This money was just sufficient for the printing of fourteen hundred copies of The Present Testimony. Later, another person gave an additional thirty dollars, which was sufficient for the postage and incidental expenses. This is how the first issue of The Present Testimony was published.
In his personal testimony given at Kulangsu on October 20 concerning the above incident, he concluded with the following words:
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If a person fails in dealing properly with money, he will also fail regarding many other things. We must, with a single heart, look to God and never do anything which will bring disgrace upon Him. When people give us money, we must accept it on behalf of Christ, but never ask anyone for such a favor. Thank God that after I declared to my parents that I would spend their money no longer, I could still go on studying in school for two more years. Though I did not know from where my sustenance would come, whenever there was a need, God always provided. Sometimes the situation appeared extremely difficult, yet God never let me down. We often place our hope in other people, but God does not want us to look to them. We must learn this lesson: Spend as we receive and never be like the Dead Sea, with an inlet and no outlet. We ought to be like the River Jordan with inlets on one end and outlets on the other. The Levites in the Old Testament devoted themselves to serve God, yet they too had to offer tithes.
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MORE PERSONAL TESTIMONIES
In his Narration of the Past, given on December 4, 1932, he gave more personal testimonies concerning living by faith:
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After we had been holding meetings for about a month, some young brothers among us felt that we should have a proper place to meet in the future. But since we were short of money, it was beyond our means to do so. I went to school to talk the matter over with several brothers, that is, with brothers Faithful Luk, Simon Meek, and Wang Tze, and we agreed that we should continue our work among the students. Then for the first time I rented some premises, a place owned by a family named Ho, all the members of which had been saved. They agreed to rent the place to me for a monthly amount of only nine dollars. I then prayed with several brothers, asking God to supply the three months' rent which was needed in advance before we could move in. Every Saturday I went to Ma-Kiang, Fukien, to listen to Miss Margaret Barber's preaching. This time when I saw her, she said, "Here is twentyseven dollars, which a friend asked me to give you for your work." This sum was exactly sufficient for three months' rent at nine dollars per month—not too much and not too little. On my return, without hesitation, I paid the three months' rent in advance. Later, we prayed again, and the Lord provided again.
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In his second testimony given at Kulangsu, Fukien, on October 20, 1936, he testified of the following:
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I wrote The Spiritual Man during my long illness. When it was ready for publication, about four thousand dollars were needed. Since there were no means on hand, I asked God to fill the need. Only four co-workers knew of this need. No one else knew. Before long the Lord provided four hundred dollars, and we entered into a contract with a printer to commence printing the book. It was agreed that should we fail to pay the subsequent installments, we would not only forfeit the cash down payment of four
hundred dollars, but we would also pay for the default. We therefore prayed concerning this matter with one accord. At that time I was still confined to bed. Whenever the printer came for his payment, the Lord had always provided us with the means. Seeing that we were able to maintain good faith, the printer said, "No one but you church people make payments so punctually."
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In his open letter in the nineteenth issue of The Present Testimony, published in January-February of 1931, he gave the following testimony:
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We have no lack of money for printing, although we have asked contributions from no one, and no one has given us an endowment fund. The Lord Himself has put the need of this work in the hearts of men, and little contributions given here and there enable us to accomplish what He wishes us to accomplish. We really thank Him!
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He gave the following words of gratitude in his open letter in the twelfth issue of The Present Testimony, published December 19, 1929. This was a word of appreciation to the brothers and sisters for their faithfulness, but may also be considered his testimony concerning the Lord's supply:
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I feel very grateful concerning this one thing: While I was perplexed on every side, a number of brothers and sisters in the Lord came to help me in my trouble. At the resurrection of the just, may the Lord reward them richly. Many brothers and sisters are aware that I do not have a constant livelihood. So for the Lord's sake, from the north and from the south, they deprived themselves, generously and voluntarily supplying me with abundant gifts, that I need not be anxious during my illness concerning my lack. Their excellent kindness and favor toward me has been overflowing. Surely I am not worthy. I am one of the most useless servants of the Lord. I quote Paul's words: "You sent both once and again to my need...I seek the fruit which increases to your account." My only prayer is that your kindness toward me would not be for nothing. I hope that when I am up again, I may be able to accomplish a small portion of my work in God's enterprise. Besides their financial supply, many brothers and sisters have written to show me their
concern, and I express my thanks. I say to all who have ministered to me in such a way: Please accept my grateful, heartfelt thanks.
CHAPTER TEN
LIVING A CRUCIFIED, RESURRECTED, AND OVERCOMING
LIFE
Through his fellowship with Margaret Barber, Watchman Nee realized from the very beginning that to be a Christian is altogether a matter of life. Miss Barber herself was an excellent example of this principle. She cared for nothing but life. As a seed of life, she was sown into Watchman Nee. From her he learned to live by Christ as his life.
LIVING A CRUCIFIED LIFE
To live by Christ as life, one must see the subjective aspects of Christ's death. Watchman Nee received the revelation that he had been crucified with Christ, that it was no longer he that lived, but Christ that lived in him. He also saw that to experience the death of Christ in a subjective way, he needed to bear the cross. He was crucified with Christ, but he had to remain in Christ's crucifixion. To remain in Christ's crucifixion is to bear the cross, not letting the old man or the flesh leave the cross. He realized that for him to have such an experience, God must sovereignly arrange his environment, making it a practical cross for him to bear. This is exactly what God did. From the very beginning of his ministry, God arranged situations in which he could deny his self by bearing the cross and living by Christ as life.
Throughout the years he was a person under the cross, willing to be opposed, rejected, criticized, and condemned. He would not vindicate himself, excuse himself, reason with people, or explain things in order to reduce his sufferings. He always shunned disclosing things about himself which would let people know what good work he had done for the Lord or what good things he had done for others. He truly lived a crucified life.
In the early years of his ministry, he was excommunicated by his six co-workers. At that time his temperament and his flesh rose up to react to their action, and this inclination was reinforced by the fact that most of the saints who met with them took sides with him. While he was on a trip ministering, letters and cables were sent telling him that he had been excommunicated. At the time he received them, he was restricted from reading them. But while on a boat returning to Foochow, he read the letters and cables and was much provoked. He felt that his six co-workers had unfairly excommunicated him, and he intended to return and vindicate himself. Immediately, however, the Holy Spirit within him made him clear that the Lord would not allow him to vindicate himself, and he was silenced by the Lord. Upon his arrival many brothers and sisters were waiting for him at the pier. They simply could not help telling him how unfairly the six co-workers