Session 4 Repressive

Session 4

Repressive

Before your group session, take the following self-diagnostic to prepare for conversation.

The topic of sex should not come up in Christian conversation.

Sexual satisfaction is an important part of personal fulfillment.

Waiting for sex until after marriage is unrealistic and even unhealthy.

The Bible’s teaching about sex and sexuality is clear and unambiguous.

My choices about sex are nobody’s business but mine.

As long as no one gets hurt, sexual activities like “friends with benefits,” sexting, viewing porn, and hooking up are good ways to let off steam.

Procreation is the main purpose of sex.

There is something shameful about sexual pleasure.

Getting married and having a family are two options among many related to my sexual choices.

Watching movies or TV shows that depict sexual situations is not appropriate for Christians.

View “Session 4: Repressive” on the DVD

Discuss the Following with Your Group

David suggests in the video that sex is a challenge for most, if not all, humans, because sexuality and sexual activity involve the whole person: body, mind, heart, and soul. As you think about Rebecca, the young woman featured in the video, which of these seems to challenge her most? What makes you think so?

What, if anything, about Rebecca’s story resonates with you? What, if anything, about her story makes you uncomfortable?

You Lost Me makes the case that there are two competing narratives about sex at work in the lives of Christian young adults. The traditionalist view wants to keep sex out of sight, to sweep it under the rug. There is something dirty about sex and sexual pleasure, even within marriage, so the “Christian” thing to do is refrain from talking about it. The individualist view, in contrast, wants to make sex the centerpiece of personal fulfillment. The highest goals of sex are not just pleasure but freedom and self-expression, and that means commitment, chastity, fidelity, and family are options to exercise if and when they are “right for me.” Based on your answers to the Five-Minute Prep, with which of these competing narratives about sex do you agree more? Why?

Which of these narratives is most portrayed by Rebecca’s story? Why do you think so?

How do you think the traditionalist view could be harmful? What about the individualist view?

In You Lost Me, David suggests that neither traditionalism nor individualism is the biblical ethic of sex. Instead, “we need to rediscover the relational narrative of sexuality” (p. 160). In the video, he suggests that one way we might begin to recapture this relational ethic is by sharing honestly with one another about sexual issues.

Your group leader will choose one or two of the following topics to discuss as a group. Try to share your point of view humbly and to listen lovingly to those with a different view.

Marriage. The Bible uses marriage as a powerful metaphor for the self-sacrificing love God has for humanity, demonstrated ultimately on the cross of Christ. In contrast, much of our marriage talk today, both inside and outside the church, is me-centered. How can we rediscover the profoundly sacred and sacrificial nature of both marriage and sex? How can we reclaim marriage as a communal, not just personal, covenant?

Gender. In the relational narrative of sexuality, women are given full and complete responsibility to be their God-given best. They are neither walking wombs (traditionalism) nor walking vaginas (individualism). How can we mentor young women to become confident Christ-followers who are honored and respected in the church? How can we encourage young men to become strong, compassionate servants of God, their family, and their friends?

Sexual orientation. Christian or not, younger adults tend to be more accepting of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals than older adults. How can we engage in meaningful dialogue, reflecting our relational priority even when we disagree with others? How can we welcome all people to be a part of God’s family while adhering to the church’s historic interpretation of Scripture regarding homosexuality? (See pp. 163–64 of You Lost Me.)

In the video Rebecca says that, in her experience, church is not usually a place where people receive healing for their sexual hurts because sex is not often talked about in honest, personal terms. How has your experience with church been similar or different?

David suggests that reclaiming the biblical, relational ethic of sex means sharing with one another our mistakes, pain, and regrets—as well as our healing and joy—regarding our own sexual histories. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

The next few questions are designed to help you begin to share your story. The answers can be discussed as a group or, if you prefer, the larger group can split into pairs. If your group chooses this option, make an effort to partner with someone of a different generation from you.

When you think about your sexual history, do you have pain or regrets? Have you made any mistakes? Share one story.

Do you have a story of healing or joy? Share one.

In the video, Rebecca says she wants to be known for “brave grace.” What would “brave grace” look like in your life when it comes to sex and sexuality?

As a group, spend some time in prayer as you bring this session to a close. Set aside time for those who want prayer specifically to heal their sexual past or present. Then pray for the Spirit to guide the ongoing conversation about sex in your faith community.

The following questions will help you and your group keep the conversation going. If you can, make time in the coming week to connect with one or two of your group members to continue the discussion.

How is our church (or ministry or other group) living the relational ethic of sex? What needs to change in order for us to embody it more fully?

How does God want to use our sexual pasts for his purposes in the present and future? How might “brave grace” characterize our lives and our community?

Are our expectations for the next generation realistic? If we expect young adults to wait for sex until marriage and wait for marriage until their late twenties or early thirties, how are we helping them live abundantly and joyfully until then?

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