Chapter 69
Chapter 67
That whoso knoweth not the powers of a soul and the manner of her working, may lightly be deceived in understanding of spiritual words and of spiritual working; and how a soul is made a God in grace.
LO, spiritual friend! to such wretchedness as thou here may see be we fallen for sin: and therefore what wonder is it, though we be blindly and lightly deceived in understanding of spiritual words and of spiritual working, and specially those the which know not yet the powers of their souls and the manners of their working?
For ever when the Memory is occupied with any bodily thing be it taken to never so good an end, yet thou art beneath thyself in this working, and without any soul. And ever when thou feelest thy Memory occupied with the subtle conditions of the powers of thy soul and their workings in spiritual things, as be vices or virtues, of thyself, or of any creature that is spiritual and even with thee in nature, to that end that thou mightest by this work learn to know thyself in furthering of perfection: then thou art within thyself, and even with thyself. But ever when thou feelest thy Memory occupied with no manner of thing that is bodily or spiritually, but only with the self substance of God, as it is and may be, in the proof of the work of this book: then thou art above thyself and beneath thy God.
Above thyself thou art: for why, thou attainest to come thither by grace, whither thou may not come by nature. That is to say, to be united to God, in spirit, and in love, and in accordance of will. Beneath thy God thou art: for why, although it may be said in manner, that in this time God and thou be not two but one in spirit--insomuch that thou or another, for such union that feeleth the perfection of this work, may truly by witness of Scripture be called a God--nevertheless yet thou art beneath Him. For why, He is God by nature without beginning; and thou, that sometime wert nought in substance, and thereto after when thou wert by His might and His love made ought, wilfully with sin madest thyself worse than nought, only by His mercy without thy desert are made a God in grace, united with Him in spirit without departing, both here and in bliss of heaven without any end. So that, although thou be all one with Him in grace, yet thou art full far beneath Him in nature.
Lo, spiritual friend! hereby may thou see somewhat in part, that whoso knoweth not the powers of their own soul, and the manner of their working, may full lightly be deceived in understanding of words that be written to spiritual intent. And therefore may thou see somewhat the cause why that I durst not plainly bid thee show thy desire unto God, but I bade thee childishly do that in thee is to hide it and cover it. And this I do for fear lest thou should conceive bodily that that is meant spiritual.
Chapter 68
That nowhere bodily, is everywhere spiritually; and how our outer man calleth the word of this book nought.
AND on the same manner, where another man would bid thee gather thy powers and thy wits wholly within thyself, and worship God there--although he say full well and full truly, yea! and no man trulier, if he be well conceived--yet for fear of deceit and bodily conceiving of his words, me would not bid thee do so. But thus will I bid thee. Look on nowise that thou be within thyself. And shortly, without thyself will I not that thou be, nor yet above, nor behind, nor on one side, nor on other.
"Where then," sayest thou, "shall I be? Nowhere, by thy tale!" Now truly thou sayest well; for there would I have thee. For why, nowhere bodily, is everywhere spiritually. Look then busily that thy spiritual work be nowhere bodily; and then wheresoever that that thing is, on the which thou wilfully workest in thy mind in substance, surely there art thou in spirit, as verily as thy body is in that place that thou art bodily. And although thy bodily wits can find there nothing to feed them on, for them think it nought that thou dost, yea! do on then this nought, and do it for God's love. And let not therefore, but travail busily in that nought with a waking desire to will to have God that no man may know. For I tell thee truly, that I had rather be so nowhere bodily, wrestling with that blind nought, than to be so great a lord that I might when I would be everywhere bodily, merrily playing with all this ought as a lord with his own.
Let be this everywhere and this ought, in comparison or this nowhere and this nought. Care thee never if thy wits cannot reason of this nought; for surely, I love it much the better. It is so worthy a thing in itself, that they cannot reason thereupon. This nought may better be felt than seen: for it is full blind and full dark to them that have but little while looked thereupon. Nevertheless, if I shall truly say, a soul is more blinded in feeling of it for abundance of spiritual light, than for any darkness or wanting of bodily light. What is he that calleth it nought? Surely it is our outer man, and not our inner. Our inner man calleth it All; for of it he is well learned to know the reason of all things bodily or spiritually, without any special beholding to any one thing by itself.
Chapter 69
How that a man's affection is marvelously changed in spiritually feeling of this nought, when it is nowhere wrought.
WONDERFULLY is a man's affection varied in spiritually feeling of this nought when it is nowhere wrought. For at the first time that a soul looketh thereupon, it shall find all the special deeds of sin that ever he did since he was born, bodily or spiritually, privately or darkly painted thereupon. And howsoever that he turneth it about, evermore they will appear before his eyes; until the time be, that with much hard travail, many sore sighings, and many bitter weepings, he have in great part washed them away. Sometime in this travail him think that it is to look thereupon as on hell; for him think that he despaireth to win to perfection of spiritual rest out of that pairs Thus far inwards come many, but for greatness of pain that they feel and for lacking of comfort, they go back in beholding of bodily things: seeking fleshly comforts without, for lacking of spiritual they have not yet deserved, as they should if they had abided.
For he that abideth feeleth sometime some comfort, and hath some hope of perfection; for he feeleth and seeth that many of his fordone special sins be in great part by help of grace rubbed away. Nevertheless yet ever among he feeleth pain, but he thinketh that it shall have an end, for it waxeth ever less and less. And therefore he calleth it nought else but purgatory. Sometime he can find no special sin written thereupon, but yet him think that sin is a lump, he knew never what, none other thing than himself; and then it may be called the base and the pain of the original sin. Sometime him think that it is paradise or heaven, for diverse wonderful sweetness and comforts, joys and blessed virtues that he findeth therein. Sometime him think it God, for peace and rest that he findeth therein.
Yea! think what he think will; for evermore he shall find it a cloud of unknowing, that is betwixt him and his God.