4. Humility and self-emptying. Christ "chose the foolish things of the
chapters of the Acts. He also laid the first foundation of the Gentile church; for God in a vision revealed to him the calling of the Gentiles, passing by all the other apostles, to whom it was not known but by Peter's report:* 'Men and brethren, you know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe,' Acts 15:7. A good while ago, which refers to the time, Mat. 16:18, when Christ said,
'Upon this rock will I build my church.' He was chosen by God for this purpose, i.e. separated from the rest of the apostles, and adorned with this privilege. Great sins did not make Christ change his resolution.
Never an apostle who had been brought up under Christ's wing was as active an instrument as this Paul, who had been such a bitter enemy. He 'laboured more abundantly than all,' 1 Cor. 15:10. In matters of obedience, he would not ask advice of flesh and blood:
'Immediately I conferred not with flesh and blood,' Gal. 1:16. He was quick in his obedience. He had sought to weaken Christ's kingdom; he now endeavours to enlist men in his service. He had breathed out threats; he now breathes out affections. He could even spend and be spent for the interests of his Saviour. And usually, we find converted souls most active in the exercise of that grace, which is most contrary to that which was their beloved sin.
4. Humility and self-emptying. Christ "chose the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and the weak things of the world to confound the things that are mighty," 1 Cor. 1:26-27, so that nothing should be attributed to their worth and dignity, but to his grace and mercy. If the gospel were only revealed to the wise, they would consider it more as a discovery made by the optics of their own reason. And if God only bestowed his grace upon men of unblemished conduct, they would consider it a debt that God was obliged to pay them rather than a free act of grace. As God reveals knowledge to the simplest, Mat. 11:25, so he manifests grace to the greatest sinners. And as Christ blessed his Father for that, so undoubtedly he returns the same thanks for this. Such great sinners
receive all from God and have more reason to hang their heads.
Others may sometimes cast many loving looks at their own righteousness and, like Nebuchadnezzar, boast, "This is the Babylon which I have built"; and brag about their good deeds and freedom from the common pollutions of the world.
But those who have fallen over head and ears in the mire and are dirty all over have no reason to boast. God did not find them, but made them worthy. They brought nothing but dirt and rags that were not worthy of washing. Only God would pick glory out of their worthlessness for his own grace. Such people are aware that God was not their debtor, but they his, and that there was nothing in them to oblige God to bestow even the slightest bit of mercy upon them.
Therefore, we do not find any of these monstrous sinners in Scripture ascribing their conversion to their own strength or merit.
As no apostle was as God-glorifying, none was as self-deprecating as Paul. Though he was the greatest apostle, he considers himself less than the least of all saints: Ephesians 3:8, 'To me, the very least of all saints, this grace was given.' Surely he could have put himself on an equal footing with the least, which would have been great humility, but he is even more humble, less than the least, less even than the one who was only fit to be a doorkeeper in the house of God. And he considers himself unworthy not only of the office of an apostle but of the very name; 'not fit to be called an apostle' 1 Corinthians 15:9. And why? Because of his former sin; 'because I persecuted the church of God.' The memory of his great sin before his conversion kept him humble. And in verse 10, when he had boasted of his abundant labour, he quickly checks himself, 'Yet not I, but the grace of God.'
He attributes his very existence as a Christian, as well as his actions, to the same cause, the grace of God; 'By the grace of God, I am what I am.' So, Galatians 1:16, how does Paul attribute grace; 'was pleased to reveal,' revelation, not acquisition.
When people are first transferred from darkness to the kingdom of Christ and start to truly know Christ, the ways of their former
ignorance are very bitter and strange to them. The very disproportion and unsuitability of them to the sweetness of that grace which they now taste from the hand of Jesus is an offense to them and detestable to their thoughts. Therefore, the more a person has sinned before returning to God, the more they see the vileness of their own nature and therefore the more they hate themselves: 'Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices,' Ezekiel
36:31. When? In verse 29, when God had fulfilled the promise of saving them from all their uncleanness. They will remember with abhorrence what was theirs, sin, and will enjoy what is purely God's.
The time of forgiving great sins is the time of great self-loathing; such people prove to be the holiest because they have experienced more of the evil of sin.
Such people are ashamed of their sins, not only at the moment of their conversion, but also afterwards, every time they remember them: 'What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!' Romans 6:21. At the time when Paul wrote to them, the shame of their sins clung to them, even though they had been converted before. The more they grew in their experiential knowledge of God and His goodness, the more a holy shame for sins committed in their natural state was stirred in their consciences, and they could not help but blush every time they considered how unclean they had been towards God. The greater the shame, the greater the hatred of the occasion of that shame, and the more careful the watchfulness against it. For instance, a person who has stumbled or made an oversight and fallen into some ditch, when he travels that way again, cannot help but remember what a mess he was in and will be watchful lest he meet with the same mishap.
Whose heart was more melted by mercy than Mary Magdalene's? All the Pharisees that Christ converted never rained such showers of tears. How she used all her instruments of sin to be servants to her repentance! Her eyes, which had inflamed so many hearts, been snares to catch men, she makes the conduits to convey her
penitential tears to her Saviour's feet. Her hair, which had consumed so much time in the pursuit of beautiful hairstyles, she uses as a towel to wipe them. The ointment she had used to adorn herself and gratify the senses of her lovers, she pours out to embalm her Lord.
Her lusts would have no more of her best things, but her Saviour would have all. She would keep them not so much for her own use, as for His.
Faith and dependence. (1.) At present, in the instant of the first act of faith. Great sins make us appear in the court of justification, in the form of an ungodly person, with a naked faith, when we have nothing to merit it, but much to deserve the opposite: 'Believes on him that justifies the ungodly,' Rom. 4:5. The more ungodly, the more elevated is that faith which grasps onto God. Thomas's unbelief was very dark, for he had refused to believe all the testimonies of the disciples concerning Christ's resurrection; but when he was aware of his crime, and kindly dealt with by his Saviour, he puts forth a stronger act of faith than any of the rest: 'My Lord, and my God,'
John 20:28. His faith was not content with a single my; he gives him more honourable titles, and his heart grasps him more closely and affectionately than any of the rest.
The man that was born blind, and healed by Christ, acknowledges him, demonstrates some faith before the Pharisees: 'If this man were not of God, he could do nothing,' John 9:33; and he said, 'I believe,' ver. 39, and he worshipped him. But when Christ comes to talk with him particularly, verses 36–38, he believes. When Christ comes to talk with a great sinner, one that has had incurable diseases, he exerts a stronger faith than others. It is then, Lord, I believe, and it is a faith accompanied with adoration.
(2.) In following occasions. Forgiving such great sins, and converting such great sinners, is the best reference letter Christ brings with him from heaven. People naturally would hardly believe for his own sake, but for the sake of his work, because they are more led by sight than faith. Christ knew this, when he tells his disciples to believe him for
the sake of the works he did, and that they should be unanimous in this work of grace, as well as in other works: 'Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe me for the sake of the works themselves,' John 14:11. Therefore, those who have experienced this transforming grace, if they waver and doubt afterward, they give the greatest insult to Christ.
Their unbelief is not only against his person, but against his work too. He has much more reason to say to them than he did to his disciples, 'How long shall I be with you,' &c., Mat. 17:17: why should I stay to do such great works as these, and cannot be believed? Such great sins forgiven and escaped, make people hold onto Christ more tightly afterward. Like a man who has recently escaped from a deep lake, which was infested with many snakes, crocodiles, and venomous creatures, and has no refuge to protect him from their fury except by hanging onto a small branch; when he looks down at them and sees them gaping at him, ready to devour him if he were within their reach, he would summon all his strength to hold onto that branch. In that day, the branch of the Lord will also be beautiful and glorious.
Certainly, when the soul went out to Christ in such a desperate condition, burdened with guilt and discouragement, and decided to trust in Him no matter what, and found success, it was the boldest venture which Scripture often refers to as boldness, and the greatest encouragement to come to Christ on any occasion thereafter. This first act of faith is of such noble and generous quality that it is considered as the model for all subsequent acts of faith: "We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end" (Hebrews 3:14). The original conviction refers to the primary act of faith, which is the principal act of confidence.
Although there is greater strength in the habit of faith after conversion, the first exercise of faith in Christ is the boldest and most vigorous because it was for the purpose of saving one's life when the soul saw no way to recover except in Christ, and it was the most noble when under the discouragement of such mountains of guilt.
It also gave Christ the greatest honour, for it was an act of greater confidence in Him than any subsequent act could be. If you put forth such a high and daring act of faith when all your sins were surrounding you, and you had neither a Hur nor an Aaron to hold up your hands, with much more confidence may you come to Him now, since you have seen how successful your first faith was. So, when temptations assail you, and the devil with all his black legions surrounds you, you are not in a worse condition than you were at first when all your sins not only besieged you but possessed you. A soul that acted in faith when the devil had all the strongholds in the worst condition may rightly say, "Now it is just a matter of starting out and exercising the power of that first faith."
(3.) In the case of corruption and uncontrolled sins as well. I have great corruptions, but the power which raised Christ also raised me when I had even greater burdens that had even wearied God himself, and now when I have fewer, though they are still too great, should I give up on that power that worked greater miracles for me and threw away my gravestones when I was unable to move myself?
(4.) So, in the case of feeling abandoned by God, I will take a chance and go to him, even if he scowls and strikes; because I am certain that I went to him once when I was his absolute sworn enemy, and he had no greater foe in the world than me, and he welcomed me. I am not worse now than I was at that time, for I love him and would do all that I can to please him; therefore, I will boldly enter into his presence now and test the success of my first faith. The faith of such individuals is typically more generous because they have less of the principle of reason to support it. It is like that of Abraham's, believing "in hope against hope," Rom. 4:18. It is a faith against the strong opposition of high and mighty sins, which may frighten a person from such acts of faith, and create a lack of confidence in the promises of God in the soul. God receives no more glory from the faith of any individual than from that of the greatest sinner who repents.