Susanna As Mother And Teacher 57
SUSANNA AS MOTHER AND TEACHER
We are indebted to John Wesley for the account, in her own words, of his mother's method for educating and training her children. From earliest childhood John had always insisted on knowing the reason behind everything that happened. In deed, his persistent "why's" almost irritated his father, though he also admired that quality in his son. "I protest, sweetheart," said father Samuel to Susanna. "I think our Jack would not attend to the most pressing necessities of nature unless he could give reason for it." True to his nature, John sought to find out everything about his mother's method of education which she had evidently worked out for herself. After several requests his mother finally yielded to his entreaties.
The end of a letter dated February 21, 1732, furnishes one of the rare expressions of Susanna's inner feelings:
The writing anything about my way of education I am much averse to. It cannot, I think, be of service to anyone to know how
I, who have lived such a retired life for so many years, used to employ my time and care in bringing up my children. No one can, without renouncing the world, in the most literal sense, observe my method; and there are few, if any, that would entirely devote above twenty years of the prime of life in hopes to save the souls of their children, which they think may be saved without so much ado; for that was my principal intention, however unskillfully and unsuccessfully managed.
Then follows her plan of education, set down in a subsequent letter to John, dated July 24, 1732:
According to' your desire, I have collected the principal rules I observed in educating my family.
The children were always put into a regular method of living, in such things as they were capable of, from their birth; as in dressing and undressing, changing their linen, etc. The first quar ter commonly passed in sleep. After that they were, if possible, laid into their cradle awake, and rocked to sleep, and so they were
SUSANNA—MOTHER OF THE WESLEYS
kept rocking till it was time for them to awake. This was done to bring them to a regular course of sleeping, which at first was three hours in the morning, and three in the afternoon; after wards two hours till they needed none at all. When turned a year old (and some before) they were taught to fear the rod and to cry softly, by which means they escaped abundance of correction which they might otherwise have had, and that most odious noise of the crying of children was rarely heard in the house, but the family usually lived in as much quietness as if there had not been a child among them.
As soon as they were grown pretty strong they were confined to three meals a day. At dinner their little table and chairs were set by ours, where they could be overlooked; and they were suffered to eat and drink (small beer) as much as they would, but not to call for anything. If they wanted aught they used to whisper to the maid that attended them, who came and spake to me; and as soon as they could handle a knife and fork they were set to our table. They were never suffered to choose their meat, but always made to eat such things as were provided for the family. Mornings they always had spoon meat; sometimes at nights. But whatever they had, they were never permitted at those meals to eat of more than one thing, and of that sparingly enough.
Drinking or eating between meals was never allowed, unless in case of sickness, which seldom happened. Nor were they suffered to go into the kitchen to ask anything of the servants when they were at meat: if it was known they did so, they were certainly beat, and the servants severely reprimanded.
At six as soon as family prayer was over, they had their supper; at seven the maid washed them, and, beginning at the youngest, she undressed and got them all to bed by eight, at which time she left them in their several rooms awake, for there was no such thing allowed of in our house as sitting by a child till it fell asleep.
They were so constantly used to eat and drink what was given them that when any of them was ill there was no difficulty in making them take the most unpleasant medicine; for they durst not refuse it, though some of them would presently throw it up.
This I mention to show that a person may be taught to take anything, though it be never so much against his stomach.
SUSANNA AS MOTHER AND TEACHER
In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will and bring them to an obedient temper. To inform the understanding is a work of time, and must with chil dren proceed by slow degrees, as they are able to bear it; but the subjecting the will is a thing which must be done at once, and the sooner the better, for by neglecting timely correction they will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy which are hardly ever after conquered, and never without using such severity as would be as painful to me as to the child. In the esteem of the world they pass for kind and indulgent whom I call cruel parents, who permit their children to get habits which they know must be afterwards broken.
Nay, some are so stupidly fond as in sport to teach their children to do things which in a while after they have severely beaten them for doing. When a child is corrected it must be conquered, and this will be no hard matter to do, if it be not grown headstrong by too much indulgence. And when the will of a child is totally sub dued, and it is brought to revere and stand in awe of the parents, then a great many childish follies and inadvertences may be passed by. Some should be overlooked and taken no notice of, and others mildly reproved; but no wilful transgression ought ever to be forg^iven children without chastisement less or more, as the nature and circumstances of the case may require. I insist on the con quering of the will of children betimes, because this is the only strong and rational foundation of a religious education, without which both precept and example will be ineffectual. But when this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by the reason and piety of its parents, till its own understanding comes to maturity, and the principles of religion have taken root in the mind.
I cannot yet dismiss the subject. As self-will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children ensures their after wretchedness and irreligion: whatever checks and mortifies it, promotes their future happiness and piety. This is still more evident if we farther consider that religion is nothing else than doing the will of God and not our own; that the one grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness being this self-will, no indulgence of it can be trivial, no denial un profitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone, so that the parent
SUSANNA—MOTHER OF THE WESLEYS
who studies to subdue it in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the Devil's work; makes religion impracticable, salvation unattain able, and does all that in him lies to damn his child body and soul for ever.
Our children were taught as soon as they could speak the Lord's prayer, which they were made to say at rising and bedtime con stantly, to which, as they grew bigger, were added a short prayer for their parents, and some collects, a short catechism, and some portion of Scripture as their memories could bear. They were very early made to distinguish the Sabbath from other days, before they could well speak or go. They were as soon taught to be still at family prayers, and to ask a blessing immediately after, which they used to do by signs, before they could kneel or speak.
They were quickly made to understand they might have nothing they cried for, and instructed to speak handsomely for what they wanted. They were not suffered to ask even the lowest servant for aught without saying "Pray give me such a thing''; and the servant was chid if she ever let them omit that word.
Taking God's name in vain, cursing and swearing, profanity, obscenity, rude ill-bred names, were never heard among them; nor were they ever permitted to call each other by their proper names without the addition of brother or sister.
There was no such thing as loud playing or talking allowed of, but everyone was kept close to business for the six hours of school.
And it is almost incredible what may be taught a child in a quarter of a year by a vigorous application, if it have but a tolerable capacity and good health. Kezzy excepted, all could read better in that time than the most of women can do as long as they live.
Rising out of their places, or going out of the room, was not permitted except for good cause; and running into the yard, garden, or street, without leave, was always esteemed a capital offence.
For some years we went on very well. Never were children in better order. Never were children better disposed to piety, or in more subjection to their parents, till that fatal dispersion of them after the fire into several families. In these they were left at full liberty to converse with servants, which before they had
SUSANNA AS MOTHER AND TEACHER
always been restrained from, and to run abroad to play with any children, bad or good. They soon learned to neglect a strict observ ance of the Sabbath, and got knowledge of several songs and bad things which before they had no notion of. That civil behaviour which made them admired when they were at home, by all who saw them, was in a great measure lost, and a clownish accent and many rude ways were learnt which were not reformed without some difficulty.
When the house was rebuilt, and the children all brought home, we entered on a strict reform; and then was begun the system of singing psalms at beginning and leaving school, morning and evening. Then also that of a general retirement at five o'clock was entered upon, when the eldest took the youngest that could speak, and the second the next, to whom they read the psalms for the day and a chapter in the New Testament; as in the morning they were directed to read the psalms and a chapter in the Old
Testament, after which they went to their private prayers, before they got their breakfast or came into the family.
There were several bye-laws observed among us. I mention them here because I think them useful.
1. It had been observed that cowardice and fear of punishment often lead children into lying till they get a custom of it which they cannot leave. To prevent this, a law was made that whoever was charged with a fault of which they were guilty, if they would ingenuously confess it and promise to amend should not be beaten.
This rule prevented a great deal of lying, and would have done more if one in the family would have observed it. But he could not be prevailed upon, and therefore was often imposed on by false colours and equivocations which none would have used but one, had they been kindly dealt with; and some in spite of all would always speak truth plainly.
2. That no sinful action, as lying, pilfering at church or on the Lord's day, disobedience, quarrelling, etc. should ever pass un punished. . .
3. That no child should be ever chid or beat twice for the same fault, and that if they amended they should never be upbraided with it afterwards.
4. That every signal act of obedience, especially when it crossed
SUSANNA—MOTHER OF THE WESLEYS
upon their own inclinations, should be always commended, and frequently rewarded according to the merits of the case.
5. That if ever any child performed an act of obedience, or did anything with an intention to please, though the performance was not well, yet the obedience and intention should be kindly accepted, and the child with sweetness directed how to do better for the future.
6. That propriety [the rights of property] be invariably pre served, and none suffered to invade the property of another in the smallest matter, though it were but of the value of a farthing or a pin, which they might not take from the owner without, much less against, his consent. This rule can never be too much inculcated on the minds of children; and from the want of parents or gover nors doing it as they ought, proceeds that shameful neglect of justice which we may observe in the world.
7. That promises be strictly observed; and a gift once bestowed, and so the right passed away from the donor, be not resumed, but left to the disposal of him to whom it was given, unless it were conditional, and the condition of the obligation not performed.
8. That no girl be taught to work till she can read very well; and that she be kept to her work with the same application and for the same time that she was held to in reading. This rule also is much to be observed, for the putting children to learn sewing before they can read perfectly is the very reason why so few women can read fit to be heard, and never to be well understood.*
Mrs. Wesley's practice which she termed "conquering their will,'' or "subjecting the will'' merits a word of comment. At first glance one might think this meant breaking the spirit of her children, but nothing could be further from the truth.
To manage such a large family, attend to the farming, and conduct school daily for all her children Mrs. Wesley was obliged to work out a rigid regimen. She set up her household under as strict a discipline as that of a company of soldiers, each child being amenable to properly constituted authority' which was hers. Like the military, Susanna's stringent regime
SUSANNA AS MOTHER AND TEACHER
was not simply for more efficient handling of a large group of people, but as better preparation of each member of the com pany for the battle of life ahead. Her system was always geared to a future when each individual child should have reached a state of maturity and could regulate his own life. The formation of character was ever the end of all her striving.
In evaluating Mrs. Wesley's methods which now seem so hard and inflexible, we must remember that hers was a hard age, an age of harshness to children. The cruel floggings by tyrannical schoolmasters, as pictured by Dickens and other writers of a later period, were not exaggerated. Susanna's disci pline was mild in comparison. "Strength guided by kindness," ruled in the Wesley household, and the love Susanna bore each individual child is evidenced by the fact that for many years she set aside a special time every week for each child. In a letter to his mother, John refers in tender terms to his Thurs day evenings spent with her, wishing they could be continued.
Nowhere is there any record of resentment on the part of the Wesley children against their mother's method of educa tion. In fact, John tried to carry out her plan to the letter in his Kingswood School.
It may well be that the modern child psychiatrist will read but the first paragraph of Mrs. Wesley's rules and then superciliously toss them aside. Certainly her system appears strangely outmoded in an age when the child's freedom to express itself is so dominant in educational thinking. As to the "rod)" its very presence is horrifying to many who set the pace for rearing twentieth-century children.
But "crying softly at one year of age" may not be an im possible achievement. Experts on babies' reactions now pride themselves on being able to classify their cries according to the stimulus that evokes them—hunger, anger, etc. Perhaps these cries can be regulated by correcting the condition in volved! And there are those who, from a distant childhood, can still hear the echo of a gentle mother's tones, when tensions
SUSANNA—MOTHER OF THE WESLEYS
mounted in the nursery: "Children, keep your voices down!
Children, keep your voices down!" Strangely enough, the admonition was usually effective.
In spite of the fact that Mrs. Wesley's system of education runs counter to the tenets of modern child guidance experts, it is worthy of study not only for historic interest but because her method worked. The children she reared developed into members of one of the most eminent families in English history, remarkable for their looks, their intellect, and their sterling character. Her daughters, though limited by their environment and the time in which they lived, were spirited and well educated. There was nothing craven about them. As for her three distinguished sons, the eminence they attained in their several spheres would never have been possible had they been "crushed" in spirit.
There is sound common sense and good child psychology in some of Mrs. Wesley's rules, particularly the "bye-laws," as she called them. The marvel is that she could carry them out with such precision, with due regard for the individual tem peraments of all her children. It must be remembered, too, that the state of the Wesley exchequer permitted the purchase of few textbooks, and Susanna taught her children with what material she found on the library shelves, chiefly the Bible, and what she wrote herself.
But all the credit for the Wesley children's education does not belong to Susanna. Quite evidently, Samuel played an important role in this also. Susanna was no classicist, but her husband was acknowledged to be "one of the best classical scholars of his day," and it was he who took care of this part of his children's schooling. It is highly probable that his sons began their study of Greek and Latin under their father before they went off to preparatory school.
Of course, there were no institutions of higher learning for women in the time of the Wesley girls, but if there had been.
SUSANNA AS MOTHER AND TEACHER
Susanna and Samuel could never have afforded college for seven daughters. It was with almost superhuman effort and great sacrifice that they managed to send the boys through Oxford, and to an Englishman the training of his boys was vastly more important than that of the girls. The education of the Wesley daughters was, however, by no means neglected, even to instruction in Latin and Greek. Hetty, one of the brightest of the girls, is said to have read Greek at the age of eight and later wrote for The Gentleman's Magazine. Martha in later life was a favorite of the great Dr. Samuel Johnson and held her own among the literary figures who frequented his house.
What sort of play the young Wesleys engaged in is known only sketchily. Susanna had no patience with such worldly amusements as ball room dances. She did not send her children to dancing school but is said to have had a dancing master come to the house for lessons. She did play cards and other games with her children at home.
We have no knowledge of what sort of toys were played with in the Epworth rectory; perhaps they were handmade by local craftsmen. We do know that the children had plenty of room on their own premises for wholesome fun, and like most
English children of that period, they had the whole countryside to roam over.
The education of Susanna's children was not finished when they left home. Both their father and mother followed them wherever they were, with letters of wise counsel. The children for their part held their parents in deep affection, and love dominated this family circle to the very end. Long after he had become a famous man, John Wesley expressed his deep yearning to see Epworth again. "Epworth," he wrote in a letter dated June 26, 1784, "which I still love beyond most places in the world."
Old Jeffrey's room,
WHERE MANY OF
THESE IMPISH
GOINGS-ON TOOK PLACE.
OLD JEFFREY
the GHOST A ghost in the rational and orderly household of the Wesleys sounds preposterous, but a ghost they had, and a well authenti cated ghost at that.
This unexpected visitor first arrived at the Epworth rectory in early December, 1716—John was thirteen then—and for a number of weeks thereafter he kept the house very lively with mysterious noises—groanings and loud knockings from all parts of their abode. There was the sound of breaking bottles