affections. A secret striving will be in them about close dealing with
present with me;" - "At any time, at all times, when I would do anything that is spiritually good, it is present, - that is, to hinder me; because it loathes the thing I have in hand, it will keep me from it if it is possible." In them in whom it prevails, it comes at length to that frame which is expressed, Ezekiel 33:31. It will allow an outward presence in the worship of God, but it keeps the heart quite away.
Some may pretend they find it not so in themselves, but they have freedom and liberty in and to all the duties of obedience that they attend to. But I fear this pretended liberty will be found to arise from one or both of these causes: -First, Ignorance of the true state of their inward man and its actions towards God. They know not how it is with them, and are not to be believed. They are in the dark, and neither know what they do nor whither they are going. The Pharisee knew little of this matter; so he boasted of his duties to God. Or, whatever duties of obedience such persons perform, they may, through want of faith, have no communion with them; and if so, sin will make little opposition to them. We speak of them whose hearts are exercised with these things. And if, as they complain of them, and groan for deliverance from them, others cry out to them, "Stand off, we are holier than you," they are willing to bear their condition, knowing that their way is safe, though it be troublesome; and willing to see their own dangers, that they may avoid the ruin which others fall into.
Let us, then, a little consider this aversion in such acts of obedience as wherein there is no concern but that of God and the soul. In public duties there may be a mixture of other considerations; they may be so influenced by custom and necessity, that a right judgement cannot from them be made of this matter. But let us consider the duties of retirement,such as private prayer and meditation; or else duties to be performed in an extraordinary manner: -
1. In these, this aversion and loathing will often reveal itself in the affections. A secret striving will be in them about close dealing with God, unless the hand of God in his Spirit be strong on his soul. Even when convictions, sense of duty, dear and real esteem of God and