Letter Xlv
LETTER XLV
Satan's art to deceive !
Which shows the greater subtlety, I wonder, to believe these charges (perhaps even to invent them about an innocent man), or to say :
£ I do not wish to believe them even though he is guilty ' ?
There were some who kissed my hands and maligned me with snakish tongue : their lips lamented, their hearts rejoiced.
The Lord saw them and held them in derision, reserving them and His poor servant for common judgment in the future.
One man cavilled at my manner of walking and laughing ; another found in my expression something to dislike ; a third lady would suspect something else in my simplicity.
With such people I have been living for almost three years : frequently I was surrounded by a throng of virgins : to some of them I often discoursed on the Scriptures to the best of my ability : study brought about familiarity, familiarity friendship, friendship confidence.
Let them say if they have ever noticed in my conduct anything unbefitting a Christian.
Have I taken anyone's money ?
Have I not disdained all gifts great or small ?
Has the chink of anyone's coin ever been heard in my hand? bias my conversation ever been ambiguous, or my eye wanton ?
Nothing is laid to my charge except my sex, and that only when Paula is likely to set out for Jerusalem.
Well, then; they believed him when he lied ; why do they not believe him when he retracts ?
He is the very same man as before : he confesses I am innocent, though in the past he said I was guilty ; and surely torture is more effective than laughter in forcing out the truth, except indeed that people are more ready to believe a tale which, though false, they hear with pleasure, and urge others to invent it if they have not done so already . 1
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3. Antequam domum sanctae Paulae nossem, totius in me urbis stndia consonabant.
Omnium paene iudicio dignus summo sacerdotio decernebar beatae memoriae Damasi os meus sermo erat dicebar sanctus, dicebar humilis et disertus.
Numquid domum alicuius lascivioris ingressus sum ?
Numquid me vestes sericae, nitentes gemmae, picta facies, auri rapuit ambitio ?
Nulla fuit Romae alia matronarum, quae meam posset domare mentem, nisi lugens atque ieiunans, squalens sordibus, fletibus paene caecata, quam continuis noctibus domini misericordiam deprecantem sol saepe deprehendit, cuius canticum psalmi sunt, sermo evangelium, deliciae continentia, vita ieiunium.
Nulla me alia potuit delectare, nisi ilia, quam manducantem numquam vidi ; postquam earn pro suae merito sanctitatis venerari, colere, suspicere coepi, omnes me ilico deseruere virtutes.
4. O invidia primum mordax tui !
O Satanae calliditas semper sancta persequens.
Nullae aliae Romanae urbi fabulam praebuerunt, nisi Paula et Melanium, quae contemptis facultatibus pignoribusque desertis crucem domini quasi quoddam pietatis levavere vexillum.
Baias peterent, unguenta eligerent, divitias et viduitatem haberent, materias luxuriae et libertatis, domnae vocarentur et sanctae nunc in sacco et cinere formonsae volunt videri et in gehennae ignis cum ieiuniis et pedore descendere.
Cf. Appendix, pp. 493, 494.
LETTER XLV
Before I became acquainted with the household of the saintly Paula, all Rome was enthusiastic about me.
Almost everyone concurred in judging me worthy of the highest office in the Church.
My words were always on the lips of Damasus of blessed memory.
Men called me saintly ; men called me humble and eloquent.
Did I ever enter the house of any woman who was inclined to wantonness?
Was I ever attracted by silk dresses, flashing jewels, painted faces, display of gold ?
No other matron in Rome could dominate my mind but one who mourned and fasted, who was squalid with dirt, almost blinded by weeping.
All night long she would beg the Lord for mercy, and often the sun found her still praying.
The psalms were her music, the Gospels her conversation ; continence was her luxury, her life a fast.
No other could give me pleasure but one whom I never saw eating food.
But when, recognizing the holiness of her life, I began to revere, respect, and venerate her, all my good qualities at once forsook me.
O tooth of envy, that dost ever first attack thyself!
O cunning of Satan, that dost always persecute holy things !
The only women to give Rome an oppor1 who, tunity for scandal were Paula and Melanium , scorning their wealth and deserting their children, lifted up the Lord's cross and took it as the standard of their faith.
Had they frequented fashionable watering-places and used their own particular scent, had they employed their wealth and widow's freedom as opportunities for extravagance and self-indulgence,
4 Madam,' and ' saint.
As it is they wish to appear beautiful in sackcloth and they would have been called ashes, and to go down to the fires of hell with fastings
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Videlicet non licet eis adplaudente populo perire cum turbis.
Si gentiles hanc vitam carperent, si ludaei, haberem solacium non placendi eis, quibus displicet Christus ; nunc vero—pro nefas !—nomine Christianae praetermissa domum suarum cura et proprii oculi trabe neglecta in alieno festucam quaerunt.
Lacerant sanctum propositum et remedium poenae suae arbitrantur, si nemo sit sanctus, si omnibus detrahatur, si turba sit pereuntium, multitudo peccantium.
Tibi placet lavare cotidie, alius has munditias sordes putat ; tu attagenam ructuas et de comeso acipensere gloriaris, ego faba ventrem inpleo ; te delectant cachinnantium greges, Paulam Melaniumque plangentium ; tu aliena desideras, illae contemnunt sua ; te delibuta melle vina delectant, illae potant aquam frigidam suaviorem ; tu te perdere aestimas, quidquid in praesenti non hauseris, comederis, devoraris, et illae futura desiderant et credunt vera esse, quae scripta sunt.
Esto : inepte et aniliter, quibus resurrectio persuasit corporum ; quid ad te ?
Nobis e contrario tua vita displicet.
Bono tuo crassus sis, me macies delectat et pallor; tu tales miseros arbitraris, nos te miseriorem putamus invicem nobis videmur insani.
LETTER XLV
and filth.
Oh, plainly they are not allowed to perish amid the mob's applause along with the multitude
If it were Gentiles or Jews who attacked this mode of life, I should have the consolation of not pleasing those to whom Christ Himself is distasteful.
But, as it is, shame upon them, women, nominally Christian, neglecting their own households and disregarding the beam in their own eye look for a mote in their neighbour's.
They tear religion to shreds, and think they have found a palliative for their own fate, if they can show that no one is a saint and that everyone has weaknesses, that great is the multitude of the sinners, and mighty the host of those that perish.
It is your pleasure to take a bath every day ; another man thinks such refinement rubbish.
You belch after a meal of wild duck and boast of the sturgeon you devour; I fill my belly with beans.
You take delight in troops of jesters; Paula and Melanium prefer those who weep.
You want other people's goods; they despise their own.
You like wine flavoured with honey ; they have a sweeter drink, cold water.
You consider that you are losing all that you have not at once drained dry, gobbled up, and devoured ; they believe that the Scriptures are true and fix their desires on what is to come.
Well, they are foolish old women to be persuaded of the resurrection of the body !
But what is that to you ?
We for our part are not satisfied with your mode of life.
Fatten yourself to your heart's content:
I prefer a lean body and a pale face.
You think people like us miserable : we regard you as more miserable still.
Our opinion of you is like your opinion of us, and each in turn thinks the other insane.
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6. Haec, mi domina Asella, cum iam navem conscenderem, raptim flens dolensque conscripsi, et gratias ago Deo meo, quod dignus sum, quern mundus oderit.
Ora autem, ut de Babylone Hierosolyma regrediar nec mihi dominetur Nabuchodonosor, sed lesus, filius Iosedech ; veniat Hesdras, qui interpre- ' adiutor,' et reducat me in patriam meam.
Stultus ego, qui volebam canticum domini in terra tatur aliena et deserto monte Sion Aegypti auxilium flagitabam.
Non recordabar evangelii, quod, qui Hierusalem egreditur, statim incidit in latrones, spoliatur, vulneratur, occiditur.
Sed licet sacerdos decipiat atque levites, Samaritanus ille misericors est, cui cum diceretur :
' Samarites es et daemonium habes,' daemonem rennuens Samariten non se negavit, ' custodem,'
Hebraei ' samariten quia, quem nos ' vocant.
Maleficum me quidam garriunt : titulum fidei servus agnosco ; magum vocabant et Iudaei dominum meum, seductor et apostolus dictus est.
' me 'non adprehendit nisi humana.'
Quotam partem angustiarum perpessus sum, qui ' Temptatio cruci milito ?
Infamiam falsi criminis inportarunt, sed scio per bonam et malam famam perveniri ad regna caelorum.
7. Saluta Paulam et Eustochium—velit nolit mundus, in Christo meae sunt—saluta matrem Albinam sororesque Marcellas, Marcellinam quoque
44 Ante tribunal et sanctam Felicitatem, et die eis :
Cf. Haggai, i. 1, etc.
It means that however ill the Jews had treated him, he would prefer the rule of Jerusalem to that of Babylon.
2 Psalm cxxxvii. 4.
St. Luke, x, 30 ff.
Cf. St. John, viii. 48. l86
LETTER XLV
I write this in haste, dear lady Asella, as I go on board ship, grieving and in tears ; and I thank my God that I am held worthy of the world's hate.
Pray for me that from Babylon I may return to Jerusalem, and that Joshua, son of Josedech, may have dominion over me rather than Nebuchadnezzar ,
and that Ezra, whose name means ' helper,' may come and bring me back to my own country.
Foolish was I, who wished to sing the Lord's song in a strange land , 2 and left Mount Sion to seek the help of Egypt.
3 how that he who goes out from Jerusalem immediately falls among robbers, is stripped, wounded, and left for dead.
But though I forgot the Gospel story , priest and Levite pay no heed, there is the good Samaritan, who, when he was told, ' Thou art a Samaritan and hast a devil,' denied having a devil, but did not deny that he was a Samaritan, that name in Hebrew being equivalent to our ' guardian.'
There are some men who style me a sorcerer :
I, who am but a servant, recognize the word as a title of faith.
The Jews called my master a magician, and the great apostle was spoken of as a deceiver.
' There hath no temptation taken me but such as is common to man.' 4
How few troubles have I endured, I who am a soldier of the cross ?
Men have laid upon me the disgrace of a false charge, but I know that the road to the kingdom of heaven leads alike through good report and through evil.
Greet Paula and Eustochium for me—whether the world wills it or no, they are mine in Christ—also your mother Albina and your sisters the two Marcellas, together with Marcellina and the saintly * " We shall stand together Felicitas.
Tell them this :
1 Corinthians, x. 13.
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; ibi parebit, qua mente quis Christi stabimus " vixerit.'
Memento mei, exemplum pudicitiae et virginitatis insigne, fluctusque maris tuis precibus mitiga.
LII Ad Nepotianum Presbyterum 1 . Petis ,Nepotiane carissime , litteris transm arinis et crebro petis, ut tibi brevi volumine digeram praecepta vivendi et, qua ratione is, qui saeculi militia derelicta vel monachus coeperit esse vel clericus, rectum Christi tramitem ten eat, ne ad di versa vitiorum diverticula rapiatur.
Dum essem adulescens, immo paene puer, et primos impetus lascivientis aetatis heremi duritia refrenarem, scripsi ad avunculum tuum, sanctum Heliodorum, exhortatoriani epistulam plenam lacrimis querimoniisque et quae deserti sodalis monstraret affectum.
Sed in illo opere pro aetate tunc lusimus et calentibus adhuc rhetorum studiis atque doctrinis quaedam scolastico flore depinximus. Nunc iam eano capite et fronte, ad instar bourn pendentibus a mento palearibus
' Frigidus obsistit circum praecordia sanguis '
1 Romans, xiv.
10.
2 This letter, addressed to Nepotian and written in a.d. 394, is really a treatise on the duties of the clergy.
Nepotian was the nephew of Heliodorus, a lifedong friend of Jerome (cf.
Letter XIV), who had become Bishop of Altinum.
Both 1 88