"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
3. PATIENCE AND LOVE
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Have you ever noticed that in his famous description of the nature of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the apostle Paul begins and ends his list of love's qualities with the same trait? That trait is patience. Although Paul uses two different words – showing different aspects of this important quality – they both mean patience. It is often said that "the Greeks had a word for everything," and ancient Greek actually had two words for patience, both of which were used by Paul. Patience with People The first of those words was makrothymia which is composed of makran ("far away") and thymos ("anger") – in other words, to put one's anger far away. This involves patience with others, particularly in the restraint of anger – when patience is often needed most. It does not connote the patience of those who cannot do anything about a situation, but that of those who have the power to act against the object of anger, perhaps even to exact revenge or punishment. This is the patience of those with power to affect others; it is the patience of those who could react with negative action, but who choose not to do so in love.
It is the patience husbands need with their wives and wives with their husbands, of parents with children (and sometimes children with parents). It is the patience employers sometimes need with employees and those who work with those for whom they work. It is the patience we should have when someone irritates or hurts us in any way – great or small – and we feel a desire to retaliate. It is the kind of patience that every Christian must develop and that we may need many times in a given day. It is the patience Paul had in mind when he wrote: "be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2).
No matter how much we may have a "feeling" of love toward others, the good that might come of that attitude is short-circuited if it is not
expressed through patience in our interactions with them. Love is patient precisely because patience with others requires us to strive to put aside selfishness and to act in a way that puts their needs before our feelings.
So it is probably not coincidental that this is the first quality Paul tells us love consists of – the patience of those who are provoked or irritated, but who choose restraint. That is why Paul also links patience with kindness (2 Corinthians 6:6). Patience is a primary quality without which love for others cannot exist and one that we must always remember is foundational to love itself. Patience with Circumstances Paul ends his list of the characteristics of love with the second form of patience. The word he uses to close his list is hypomonē which fuses hypo ("under") with monē ("remaining" or "enduring"). This word connotes the idea of "remaining under" suffering or difficult circumstances. In the New Testament the word is often translated "persevering" (for example, Romans 5:3-4), but it is a particularly rich word with a wide range of meaning. For example, in Luke 21:19 in the NIV we find it translated "Stand firm, and you will win life," though the King James Version translated this verse less clearly as "In your patience, possess ye your souls."
This kind of patience represents the attitude of those who are not in a position of strength, but of weakness – a position of being unable to do anything to change the situation they are enduring. This is the patience of the Christian undergoing persecution for his or her faith – whether the persecution comes from the individual's government, job, neighbors, or even their own family. It is the patience of those dealing with long-term illnesses, injuries, poverty, loneliness, depression, grief, or any other kind of ongoing suffering.
If it is not coincidental that Paul begins his list of love's qualities with patience, the quality we must have with individuals, it is equally likely that he intentionally ends his list with endurance, the patience we must have with situations. If we cannot love others without the first type of patience, it is probable that we cannot love God without the second kind – and we certainly will not be able to continue in the way of love without that perseverance. That is why the word hypomonē is found in Jesus' parable of the seed, in which "… the seed on good soil stands for those with a
noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop" (Luke 8:15).
Practical Applications of Patience We already talked in this chapter about a number of ways in which both types of patience need to be applied in everyday living, but there are dozens of other ways as well! At the most obvious level we need patience with others to serve them, and just as patience with events is an act of trust, patience with others is an act of service.
Working with children provides constant examples of this. Whether it is our response to endless small requests or the hundredth time we have to remind a child about a family rule, we have a choice regarding whether we respond patiently or impatiently, whether we are helpful or unhelpful.
Of course, this is a truth that does not just apply to our interactions with children, and in any situation it is only through patience that we can override our own natural inclinations and embrace what has so well been called "the holy inconvenience of service."
There are many other ways in which exercising patience is an act of love that helps us as well as others. One of those ways – which we might not normally think of – was summarized by the great medieval artist and scholar Leonardo da Vinci, who wrote about having patience in regard to dealing with wrongs that others do against us:
Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs. The wisdom of da Vinci's words on this subject is obvious, but they also agree entirely with the attitude of Christianity. They are a good reminder that patience with others can be applied in many, many ways – we just need to consider the possibilities in our own lives in order to be able to love better through the application of this quality. For those of us who know we need to work on developing patience in our lives, this is an area that can be particularly profitable to think and meditate about on a regular basis: when, how, and why do we need to apply patience with others?
It Begins and Ends with Patience So, carefully looking at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 shows us that love begins and ends in patience and that this quality is pivotal to effectively loving others and loving God. A number of scriptures such as Romans 2:4; 15:5 and 2 Peter 3:9, 15 show that God is a God of patience (both with people and with events). If we are to become like him, patience – in its two forms – is a quality we must strive to develop with his help.
God will not simply pour patience into us, and we ourselves may not be able to develop as much of it as we need or should have. But as Paul – the apostle of patience – wrote (using both of the two Greek words for patience), if we do our best and ask God for the extra help we need, we will find ourselves: "being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might" to "have great endurance and patience" (Colossians 1:11).
God desires above all else that we learn to love him and others, and when we trustingly ask him for help to develop the patience we need to do that, Paul says we will receive the power we need. It may take time, but thankfully God is patient in waiting for us to learn patience!