The Life of Jonathan Edwards – Part 2 (pages 27–40)
Mr, Jonathan Whether therein
Way possible,
have managed the bed
And before fuchalt erations, if tore-
refpedting my Soul ?
ittn to resolve how to acSt.
Thurjday
— think I
a very good
amine Dreams every Morning when
Way to ex-
awake, what are the Nature, Circumstances, Principles and Ends of my imaginary Adions and Paflions in them, to discern what arc my chiet Inclinations he. Saturday Night, May 4. Although I have in feme Mcafure subdued a Disposition to chide and fret, yet I find a
which
not agreeable to Christian Conversation either by too much Dogmaticalnefs, too much of the Egotism ; a Disposition to be telling of my own Dislike and Scorn ; and freedom from thofe that are innocent, yea commoa Infirmities of Men ; and many other such like Things. that God would help me to discern all the Flaws and Defeds of my Temper and Conversation, and help me certain
Inclination,
sweetness
Temper and
in the difficult Work of amending them And that he would fill me so full of Christianity, that the Foundation :
all these disagreeable Irregularities may be deflroyed, and the contrary Sweetnefites and Beauties m y of them-
selves naturally follow.
Sabbath- Day May 5. in the Morning. This Day made the 4)th Resolution. Sabbath-Day, May 12. I think I find in my Heart to be glad from the hopes I have that my Eternity is to befpent in spiritual and holyjoys, arising from the manifefiation of God's Love, and the exercise of Holiness and a burning
Love to Him. Saturday -Night, great Obligations
May 18. I now plainly perceive what am under to love and honour my Pa-
I have great Reason to believe, that their Counsel and Education have been my making ; notwithfianding, in the Time of it, it seemed to do me so little good. I have good Reason to hope that their Prayers for me, have been in many Things very powerful and prevalent ; that God has in many Things, taken me under his Care and Guidance, Provision and Direfdion, in answer to their Prayers for me. I was never made so sensible of it as now. IVedmjday, May 22. in the Morning. Memorandum. To take special Care of these following Things j Evil Speak-
rents.
ing,
7he Life of the Reverend
Fretting, Eating, Drinking: and Sleeping, fpcaking simple Verity-joining in Prayer, niphtinefs in fccret Prayer, Lialefnefs and Negligence, and Thoughts that chcrifli ing.
Sin.
Saturday May 2c. in the Morning. As I was this Morning reading the lyrh Resolution, it was fuggefied to me, that if 1 was now to die, should wish that I had prayed more that God would make me know my State, whether it be good or bad and that 1 had taken more 1
Pains to see and narrowly search into this Matter.
Mem. For the future most nicely and
fore,
VA'hcre-
diligently
look into our oldI3ivines Opinions concerning Conversion.
Made the %\\\ Resolution.
have abundant Cause, and greatly to bjefs and piaife thee, that thou hafi heard me in my earnefl Ktqucii, and hall so answered my Prayer for Mercy to keep from decay and finking. O, graciously, of thy mcer Goodness, still continue to pity my Misery, by reason of my Smtulnefs rny dear Redeemer, I commit my self, together with my Prayer and Thanksgiving into thine June
Friday.,
Afternoon.
my merciful Father,
to love thee ardently,
Hand. Monday, fuly i. Again confirmed by Experience of the happy Kfff cts of ftricfl Temperance, with refpedl both to Body and Mind. Resolved tor the future to obfervc rather more of Meekness, Moderation and Temper in Disputes. 'Thurjdasy July i8. near Sun-set. Resolved to endeavour to make sure of that Sign the Apostle James gives of a perfect
same Body. the
Man, Jam. iii. is
If any Man offend not in If ord.
a perse£l Alan and able
Monday July 22.
see there
also
bridle
danger of
whole
my being
drawn into Tranrgreftion by the Power of such Temptations as a fear of feemmg uncivil, and of offendmg Friends.
Watch againO it. Tuesday July 23.
When
find thofc
cannot be uttered, the Apof\!e speaks of
Groanings which and ihofe Soul;
the Psalmist speaks of, and promote thein to the ut-
breakings, tor the longing it hath, Fjial.
cxix.
20. to humour
my Power, and be not weary ut carncHly endeavouring to vent my Dcfiies. nioft of
Mr, Jonathan Edwards.
To count It all Joy when I have Occasion of great Selfdenial, because then 1 have a glorious Opportunity of giving deadly Wounds to the Body of Sin, and greatly confirmi seek to mortify ing and eftablifliing the new Nature these are the best OpportuSin, and increase in Holiness nities, according to January 14. To improve Afbidlions of all Kinds as blefled Opportunities of forcibly bearing on in my Chriftvan Course, notwithstanding that which is so very apt to difcourageme, and to damp the vigour of my Mind, and to make me Jifelefs Alio a3 Opportunities of trusting and confiding ia God,' and getting a Habit of that, according to the %'jih. Resolution. And as an Opportunity of rending my Heart off from the World, and setting it upon Heaven alone. To improve them as Opportunities to repent of, and be:
wail
my Sin, and abhor my self.
as a bleiTed
portunity to exercise Patience ; to trust in God, and divert my Mind from the Afflidion, by fixing mry self in religious Exercises. Also, let me comfort my self, that 'tis the very Nature of Affli6Vions to make the Heart better ; and if I am n:i3de better by them, what need I be concerned, however grievous they seem for the present f
Friday Afternoon, July 26. To be particularly careful up inviolable aTruil and Reliance, ease and entire Reft in God in all Conditions, according to 57ih Refoluto keep
tion ; for this 1 have found to be wonderfully advaniacyc-
ous to me, Alonday, July 29. When I am concerned how I shall perform any thing to publick Acceptance,to be very careful that I have it very clear to me, that 1 do what is Duty and Prudence in the Matter. Jfednefday July 31.
— Never
in the leaR to seek to hear
farcafiicai Relarions of others Faults.
Never to give Credit except there is very plairx nor to behave in any Refpecl: the otherwise
to any thing said against others,
Reason for it ; for it.
To esteem as some Advantage
Ivednefday Augvft 7. that the Duties of Religion
are difficult, and that manyfome times to begone through intheVVay Religion is the sweeter, and what is gained by
Difficulties are
Duty. Labour, is abundantly more jirecipus as a Woman loves her Child the better for having brought it for-th with Travail. And even to Chritl Jesus himself, his mediatorial C Glory, of
Glory, his Vi ory and Triumph, his Kingdom which he hath obtained ; liow much more glorious is it, how much mere excellent and precious, for his having wrought it out by such Agonies Friday Auguj} 9. One Thing that may be a good help towards thinking profitably in Time of Vacation is, when .1 light on a profitable Thought, that I can fix my Mind on, to follow it as far as poftibly I can to Advantage. Resolved always Sabbath- Day after meeting, Augufi 1 1. ro do that which 1 (hall wilh I had done, when 1 see others do it. As for Jnrtance, sometimes I argue with my self, that fjch an A(£t of good Nature, Kindncfs, Forbearance, or Forgiveness, &c. is not my Duty, because ir will have such and such Consequences yet, when I see others do it, then it appears amiable to me,and I wish 1 had done it ; and I see that none of thofe fear'd Inconveniencies follow. Ihurfday Augujl 13. I find it would be very much to Advantage, to be thoroughly acquainted with the Scriptures. When I am reading do(f>nnal Books or Books of Controversy, I can proceed with abundantly more Confidence ; can see upon what Footing & Foundation I stand. ThurJ'day Aitgu/i 29 The Obje6>ion my Corruptions make againf\ doing whatever my Hand finds to do with my Might is, that it is a constant Mortificaiion. Let this Objection by no means ever prevail. Ahnday September 2. There is much Folly, when I am quite sure I am in the right, and others are pcfiiive in contradicting me, to enter into a vehement or long Debate !
upon ir. Monday September 23. \ observe that old Men seldom have any Advantage of new Discoveries because they arc bcfide a Way of ihinkincr,they have been so long used to. Kcfolved, if ever I live to Years, that 1 will be impartial to hear the Rcafons of all pretended Discoveries, and receive them if rational, how long so ever 1 have been used to another Way of thinking. ;
Ihurfday, October 18. To follow the Example of Mr. B— who, iho' he meets with great Difficulties, yet under-
takes them with a smiling Countenance, rs tho* he thought them but little and speaks ot them as if ihey were very ;
small.
Ihurfday Nroember 26.
Practice in Meditations on
'Tis a mofl evil and pernicious Afili6\ions,
rummaiing-
J o NA TH AN
on the Aggravations of the Affli<5llon, and reckoning uj> the evil, dark Circumstances thereof, and dwelling long on the dark Side ;
doubles and trebles the Afflic5tion.
so when speaking of them to others, to make them as bad as we can, and use our Eloquence to set forth our oVva
Troubles, and are all the while making newTrouble, and the old ; whereas the contrary If we dwelt on the Pra(5lice would starve our Afsidions. light Side of Things in our Thoughts, and extenuated
feeding and pampering
them all that pofltibly we could, when speaking of them, we fliould think little of them our selves and the Afeidi;
on would really, in a great Meafurc, vanilh away. Thursday Nighty December 12. If' at any Time I am fore e4 to tell others of that wherein I think they are something to blame ; for the avoiding the important Evil, that would ptherwife enfuc, not to tell it to them, so that there (hall be a Probability of their taking it as the esse(5t of little, angry Emotions bf Mind, December 31. at Night. Concluded never to suffer nor express any angry Emotions of Mind more or less, except the Honour of God calls for it, in Zeal for him, or to preserve my self from being trampled on. fretting,
Wednesday "January
"XjOT
much
time in thinking even of - important and jieceftary worldly Business. To allovv every Thing it's Proportion of Thought, according to it's Urgency and Importance. Si'tday "January lo. [After having wrote considerable in a (liort Hand, which he used when he would have what he wrote effccj ually concealed from every Body but himself, he notes the following Words in round Hand] Remember to at according to Prov. xii. 23. A prudent to spend too
Man concealeth Knowledge. Monday., Feb. 3. Let every Thing have the Valus nov/, that it will have on a sick Bed and frequently in Pursuits of whatever Kind, let this come into my Mind ;
How much shall
It'ednefday Feb.
value this on my Death B d ? Have not in Time p ft in my Prayers, enough infided upon the glorifying C od in the World, and the Advancement of the Kingdom oi Christ, the *
Prosperity of the
mined that
Church, and the good of Men.
this ObjecStion is without Weight,
Deter-
rlz. That 'tis of the Reverend
not likely that God will make great Alteritlons in the World, and Overturning* in Kingdoms and Nations, only for the Prayers of one obscure Person, seeing fiich Things used to be done in anfvver to the united, earned. Prayers of the whole Church And if my Prayers lliould have feme Influence, it would be but impercepti'tis
.v.'holc
ble and small.
Thurfjay Fehr. 6.
More convinced ihanev r of the
Ufefuhiefs of a free religious Conversation. versing on natural Philosophy,
find by con-
Knowledge abundance faster, and see the Reasons of Things much clearer, than in private Study. Wherefore eacnertly to seek at all gain
times for religious Conversation ; for thofe that 1 can with and Delight and Freedom so converse with. Sabbath-Day Fehr. 23 If I a(5l according to my Resolution, I ihall desire Riches no otherwise than as they are helpful to Religion. But this I determine, as what is really evident from many Parrs of Scripture, that to fallen T'v'lan they have a greater Tendency to hurt Religion. Saturday May 23. How it comes about I know not ;
Profit
but 1 haverema'k'd it hitherto, that at thofe Times when have read the Scripture moss, I have evermore been molt
and in the hell Frames. Saturday- ight June 6. 'l his
iive'y,
markable Week with me with } ears,
Mind
Week has been a
Refpec t to Defpondencies,
Perp'exities, Multitudes of Carps and Dil'ira(5lion of
-being the Week I came hither to Ncw-Haverj in Older to entrance upon the Office of Tutor o\ theCollege. i
have now abundant Reason to be convinced of thctrouhlefomcnefs and Vexation of the VVorld, and that it n ver will be another Kind of World. Tuejdayy July 7. When 1 am giving the Relation of a Thin;:, to abstain from altering either in the Matter orManr.crof speaking,fomuch,as that if every one afterward Ihould alter as much, it would at lall: come to be properly false. Tuffday Sept. 3. By a Sparingncfs in Diet, and eating, as much as may be, what is hght and easy of Digestion, I Ihall douhilcls be able to think clearer,and ihall gam Time. 2dly. Ihall need Icfs lO. By lengthtn'ng out my Lilc. Time tor Digeliion alter Meals. 3cJ'y. Ihall be able to I
study .closer witiioct
wrong
need icfs Time to Sleep. blcd V \t\\ the Head-ach.
to mv
5thly.
Ucahli.
flull
4thly.
Ihall
feldcmer be IrcuSjlint'.
Jvfr.
Jonathan Edwards.
Sahhath'Day, Movmh. 27, Considering that By-standers aKvays espy some Faults which we don't see our feives, or there are many secret at leail: are not To fully sensible of Workings of Corruption which escape our Sight, and Resolved therefore, that I will, others only are sensible of Jearn what Faults if 1 can by £ny convenient Means, others find in me, or what Things they see in me, that appear any Way blame-worthy, unlovely or unbecoming. :
Sec t
Reflections the foregoing Extracts.
foregoing Extradls were wrote by Mr. Edwards and 21ft Years of his Age, as appears by the Dates. This being kept in Mind, the judicious Reader will make proper Allowance for some Things, which may appear a little Juvenile, or like a young Christian, as to the Matter, or Manner of Kxpreffion ; which would not have been found, had it not have been done in early Life. Which, indeed are no Blemishes, the as by this, it appears more whole being taken together natural, and the Strength of his Resolution, and fervor of Mind i and his Skill and Discerning in divine Things, so seldom found even in old Age, are the more ftrik>ng. And in this View, we shall be \td to admire his conlcientious Stri<5lnefs, his Zeal and Painfulness, his Experience andjudgment in true Religion,at so early anAge. For here are not'only the mod convincing Evidences ot Sincerity and thorough Religion, of his engaging in a Life devoted to in good earnest, so as to make Religion his only Business 5 but thro* his great Attention to this Matter, he appears to have ths Judgment and Experience of grey in the 20th
Hc«irs.
This is theBeginning of allfefoeminentlyholy& useful Mr. Edwards's was. He who became one of the greatest Divines in this Age has had theapplaufe and Admira-
tion of America Britain Holland
U Germany, for his Piety,
andgreatJudgment&Skill inDivinity and hasbeen honored above most others in the Christian World, in this Ci'entury ; ;
T'be Life df the Reverend
jn his being made the Instrument of doing (o much
He began his Life thus
He enterM on
gnod
publick Life with luch Views, such Exercises, such Resolutions. :
This may serve as a Direcfiion and Excitement to thofc
vho arcYoung, to devote themfelvcs to GOD in goodear-
and enter on the Business of Hricfl and horough Re-
nest,
ligion without delay
especially
thofe who are looking to-
vards the Work or the Miniftry, as they would take the most dire<5>, the only Way to answer thegocd Ends which they profess to seek. It is to be lamented, that there is so much Reason to think, there are so few Instances of such early Piety in our Day. h' the protestant World abounded with young Persons of this Stamo ; with young Men, who were preparing for the W ork of the Miniftry, with such a Temper, such Exercises, and such Resolutions, what a delightful Pro fpe(5i would this afford, of the near approach of happier Days, than the Church of has ever yetfeen What plesfmg Hopes that the great, the merciful Head of the Church, was abou< to fend forth Labourers, faithful, fuctcfstul Labourers into his Harvest ; and bless his People vv'ith '*PaOors which (hall leach them with Knowledge and
Underflanding !" But if our Youth
neglecSl all proper Improvement of the Mind ; are (hy of Seriousness and ftricl Piety ; choose to live Strangers to it, and keep at a Dirtance from all Appearance of it ; are wanton, and given to carnal Pleasures what a gloomy Profped does ti»is aflord If they v-'lio enter into the Work of the Miniilry from a gay, carclefs, and what may justly be called a vicious Life, bet'dke themfelvcs to a little fuperftcial lludy of Divinity and soon begin to preach ; while all the external Scricufncfs and Zeal they put on, is only from oildly Motives ; they hcinti without anyinwaid, experimental Acquaintance with fpiriiual, divine Things, and even so much as any Taste for true Divinity no wonder if the Churches "fuck dry Brcails'Vi and there are many ignorant Watchmen ;
Fut, as the best Comment on the foregoing Resolutions and that the Reader may have a more particular, fil] an<l inftrutslive View of Mr. Edwards's Enand Diary
trance on a religious Life, and Progress in hi
ili'j
as confjfling
Vicws and Exeicifcs of bis Mind ; a brief Account thereof among his Paand which, it seems, was
thereof is here inserted, which was found pers, in his own Hand-writing :
wrote near twenty Years
after, for his
own private Advan-
Section IV. An Account of his Conversion, Experiences, a«i Religious Exekcices, given by him/elf. Had a variety of Concerns and Exercises about my but had two more remarkaSoul from my Childhood I ble met with that Seasons of Awakening, before ;
Change, by which I was brought to thofe new Dispositions, and that new Sense of Things, that I have since had. The first Time was when I was a Boy, some Years before I went to College, at a Time of remarkable Awakening in my Father's Congregation. I was then very much affeded for many Months, and concerned about the Things of Religion, and my Soul's Salvation ; and was abundant in 1 used to pray five times a Day in secret, and to Duties. spend much Time in religious Talk with other Boys ; and I experienced I used to meet with them to pray together. know not what Kind of Delight in Religion. My Mind* was much engaged in it, and had much self-righteous Pleasure ; and it was my Delight to abound in religious Duties. I, with some of my School-mates joined together, and built a Booth in a Swamp, in a very secret and retired Place, for a place of Prayer. And besides, I had particular secret Places of my own in the Woods, where 1 uG d to retire by my self ; and used to be from time to time much affected. My Affedtions seemed to be lively and easily moved, and I seemed to be in my Element, when engaged in religious Duties. And I am ready to think, many are deceived with such Affections, and such a kind of Delight, as I then had in Religion, and mistake it for Grace. " But in process of Time, my Convidtions and Affe(5tions wore off; and I entirely loft all thofe Affections and Delights, and left off secret Prayer, at least as to any constant Performance of it ;
and returned like Vomit, and went on in Ways of Sin.
Dog to his *<Indeed he Life of the Reverend
'Is'deedJ was at sometimes very uneary,erpeclally to"wards the lafter Part of the Time of 'Till
pleas'd
when I was
my bcin<i at College.
GOD, in my laftyear at College, at a Time
in the midst of
many uneasy Thoughts about
my Soul, to fcize me with a Pleurisy ; ih which he brought me nigh to the Grave, and (liook me the
State of
over the Pit of Hell.
"But yet, it wa<; not long after my Recovery, before I fell again into my old-Ways of Sin. But God would not suffer me to go on with any Quietness ; but I had great and violent invAard Struggles 'till after many Conflids with :
wicked Inclination , and repeatied P.cfolutions, and Bonds that 1 laid my sc f under by a kind of Vows to God, 1 was brought wholly to break off all former wicked Ways, and all Way of known outward Sin and to apply my self to feel: my Salvution. and praf ife the Diities of Religion But without that kind of Affedilon and Delight, that 1 had formerly experienced. My Concern now wrought more by inward Struggles and Confli(5ls, and Self-reflections. I made seeking my Salvation the main Bufmefs of my Life. >iut yet it seems to me, I sought after a miserable manner Which has made me some times since to queHion, whether ever it iiTued in that which was saving ; being ready to doL-br, whether such miserable seeking was ever succeeded. iBut yet I wjs brought to seek Salvation, in a manner that 1 never was before. 1 felt a Spirit to part with all Things in the World, for an Interest in Christ. My Concern continued and prevailed, with many exerclnne; Things and inward Struggles bit ytt it never fcemed to be proper to express my Concern that I had, by the Name of Tcrrcr, ;
" P ROM my Cl/ildhocd
my Mind had been wont
to be full of Obje< ions againrt the Doctrine ot GOD*s Sovereignty, in choofmg whom he would to eternal Life, lcavin;> them eternally to nnd rejeoline whoin he picafcd It used to and be cvcr'aftingly tormented in Hell. appear like a horrible Dodrine to me. liut 1 remember the Time very well, when I fecmcd to be convinced, and fully faiisfied, a to this Sovereignty of Goci, and his Juflice in ;
)>erilh,
thus cttrnally disposing of Men, according to his fcvcrcign But never could give an Acccount, how, or by what Means, I was tuus convinced ; nor in the Jeaft ima "nirg, in :hc T..-.;c cf ir ncr a long I'i.T.c afrer, that there
Pieafur:-.
Mr, JonathanEdwards.
there was any extraordinary Influence of God's Spirit in it but only that now 1 saw farther, and my Reason apprehended the Justice and Reasonableness of it. However,my Mind rcfted in it j and it put an end to all thofe Cavils and Obje(5lions, that had 'till then abode with me, all the preAnd there his been a v/onderceeding part of my Life t'ul Alteration in my Mind, with refped to the Do6lrine of :
God's Sovereignty, from that Day to this ;
so that I scarce
much as the rising of an
Objedlion a most absolute Scnfe, in Ihesving Mercy on whom he will shew Mercy, and hardening and eternally damning whom he v/ill. God's absolute Sovcrei nty,and Juflice, with refpedl to Salvation and Damnation, is what my Mind seems to refl aflured of, as much as of any Thing that I see with my Eyes ; at jeaft it is io at Times. But I have often times fmce that first Convidion, had quite another Kind of Sense of God's Sonot only vereignty, than I had then. I have often fmce, had a Convi6lion, but a delightful Conviction. The Do<flline of God's Sovereignty has very often appeared, an exand ceeding pleasant, bright and sweet Doclrine td me
;ever
have found so
igainft God's Sovereignty,
absolute Sovereignty is what 1 love to ascribe to God. my tirft Convi(5tion was not with this.
" The first that I remember that ever I found any thing and diof that Sort of inv.ard, sweet Delight in vine Things, that 1 have lived much in fmce, was unto the on reading thofe Words, i Tim. i. 17. King eternaj, immortal, invisible, the only wife GOD, be Plonor and Glory for ever and ever. Amen.*' As I read the Words, there came into my Soul, and was as it 'were diffused thro' it, a Sense of the Glory of the Divine Being ; a new Sense, quite different from any Thing i ever expeNever any Words of Scripture seemed to rienced before. me as these Words did. 1 thought with my self, how excellent a Being that was ; and how happy I fnould be, if I might enjoy that GOD, and be wrapt up to in Heaven, and be as it were swallowed up in Him. I kepc saying, and as it were Tinging over tliefe Words of Scripthat ture to my self ; and went to Prayer, to pray to I Hiight enjoy him j and prayed in a manner quite different from v;hai 1 used to do ; with a new sort of Affeislion. But it never came into my Thougiit, that there was any thing fpiritualj or of a saving Nature in this.
"Now cf the Reverend
" From about that Time, I began to have a new Kind of Apprehensions and Ideas of Christ, and the Work of Redemption and th/? glorious Way of Salvation by him. I had an inward, sweet Sense of thefethings, that at times came into my Heart and my Soul was led away in plcaI'ant Views and Contemplations of them. And my Mind was greatly engaged, to spend my Time in reading and meditating on Christ and the Bea\ity and Excellency of his Person, and the lovely Way of Salvation, by tree Grsce in him. I found no Books so delightful to me, as thofe ;
that treated of these Subjects. used to be abundantly with me
Thofe Words
Cant.
1 am the Rose of Sharon The Words seemed to me, fwcetly ;
ihi Lilly cf the Faudys. to reprefenr, the Loveliness and Beauty of Jesus Christ. And the whole Book of Canticles uled to be pleasant to me ; and 1 used to be much in reading it, about that time. And found, from l ime to Time, an inward Sweetness,thit used, as it were, to carry me away in my Contemplations j
I know not liow to express other wife, than by a calm, sweet Abftracflion of Soul from all the Concerns o this World ; and a kind of Vision, or fix'd Ideas and Imaginations, of being alone in the Mountains, or some solitary Wilderness, tar from all Mankind, fweeily converting with ChriP, and wrapt and swallowed up in GOD. The Sense I had of divine Things, would often of a sudden as it were, kindle up a sweet burning in my Heart ; an ardor of my Soul, that I know not how to express.
in what
" Not long after I tirft began to experience thefethings, gave an Account to my Father, of feme Things that had pass'd in my Mind. 1 was pretty much affected by th.e I
had together. And when the Difcourl'e was ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary Place in my Father's Pasture, for Contemplation. And as I was walking there, and looked up on the Sky and Clouds ; there came into my Min<l, a sweet Sense of the glorious Majesty Jjifcourfe we
and Grace ot GOO, that I know not how to express. I seemed to see them bo h in a sweet Conjunv lion MajcHy and Mccknefs join'd to etiier it v-as a sweet and gentle, and holy Majclty an awsni also a majeftick Meekness ful Sweetnel's i a high, and great, and holy Gcnilenefs. :
" AFT£lt
*' After this Senfc of divine Things gradually increased, and became more and more ]ively,and had more of
Theappearanceof every thing was there seem'd to be, as it vi ere, a calm, fwect Cast, or Appearance of divine Glory, in almost every Thing. that inward Sweetness.
altered
God's Excellency, his Wisdom, his Purity and Love, fcemed to appear in every Thing j in the ijun. Moon and Stars ; in the Clouds, and blue Sky j in the Grass, Flowers, Trees ; in theWater,and all Nature ; which used greatly to my Mind. I often used to fit & view the Moon, for a long time and so in theDay-time, spent much time in viewing the Clouds & Sky, to behold the sweet Glory of in thefethings in the mean Time, singing forth with a low Voice,my Contemplations of theCreator Redeemer. And scarce anyThing,among alltheworksof Nature,was so sweet to me as Thunder and Lightning. Formerly, nothing had been so terrible to me. 1 used to be a Person uncommonly terrified with Thunder and it used to strike me with Terror,when I saw aThunder-storm rising. But now,on the contrary, it rejoyced me. I felt at the firli Appearance of a Thunder-storm. And used to take the Opportunity at fuchtimes, to fix my self to view the Clouds, and see theLightnings play, and hear the majeftick & awful Voice of God's Thunder which often times was exceeding entertainingjleading me to sweet Contemplations of my great and glorious GOD. And while I viewed, used to spend my time, as it always seem*d natural to me, to fingor chant forth fix
my Meditations
to (jpeak myThoughts in Soliloquies, and
speak with a singing Voice. " I felt then a great Satisfaction as to my good Eftatc. But that did not content me. I had vehement Longings of Soul after God and Christ, and after more Holiness ; wherewith my Heart seemed to be full, and ready to break : which often brought to my Mind, the Words of the Psalmist, Pfal. cxix. 28. My Soul breaketh for the Longing it hath. J often felt a mourning and lamenting in my Heart, that f had not turned to sooner, that I might have had more time to grow in Grace. Mind was greatly fix'd on divine Things ; I was almost perpetually in the Contemplation of them. Spent most of my Time in thinking of divine Things, Year after Year. And used to spend abundance of myTime, in walking alone irr the Woods, and fblitary Places, for Meditation, Soliloquy and Prayer, and Coiiverfe of the Reverend
And it was always my Manner, at Converse with GOD. luch limes, to sing forth ray Cop.templations. And was a-lmoft conftsntly in ejaculatory Prayer, wherever I was. Prayer feeni'd to be natural to me ; as the Breaihjby which the inward Burnings of my Heart had vent. *'
The Delights which I now felt inThings of Religion, from thofe forementhey were toialJy and what 1 then had no more Notion or
v/cre of an exceeding d.fterent Kind,
rioned, that 1 had when 1 was a Boy.
of another Kind ; Jdcs of, than one born blind has of pleasant and beautiful Colours. They were of a more inward, pure. Soul-animating and refrefhirg Nature. Thofe former Delights, never reached the Heart ; and did nor arise from any Sight of the divine Excellency of the Things of or any ; Taste of the Soul-ratisfying,and Life-giving Good, there is in them.
My fr nfe of divine Things seem'd gradually to in-
crease,'till I v*'ent to j)reach at
Nrju-Tork ; which was about
While I was there, a Year and a half after they begsn. I felt them, very sensibly, in a much higher Degree, than Holiness, Longings after -I had done before.
COD S
were much increased.
Pure and humble, holy and heaI venly ChriOi nity, appeared exceeding amiable to me. elt in me a burning Desire to be in every Thing a comp'eat Christian ; and conformed to the blefted Image of and that I might live in all Things, accordmg to Christ the pure, sweet and blefi'ed Rules of the Gospel. I had an :
My Longeager thirf\mg after Progress in ihefe I'hings. ings alter it, put me upon pursuing and pressing after them. It was my continual Strife Day and Night, and constant Inquiry, How I fliould be more holy, and live more holily, and more becoming a Child of (joJ, and Disciple of Christ. I sought an encreafe of Grace and Holiness, and that I might live an holy Life, with vastly more Earnestness, than ever 1 sought Grace, before I had it. I used to be continually examining tny fclf, and ftudylng and contriving tor ]ikely Ways and Means, how I ihould live ho'ily, with far greater diligence and earnelhiefs, than ever i pursued any thing in my Life But with too great a Dependence on my ovi-n Strength ; which afterwards proved a great Damage to me. xMy Experience: had not then tiu ht UiC, ss it has :
done