What is God’s agenda in people’s lives? Consider Joel 2:12–13:
Goal: Help counselees to see themselves biblically and to embrace God’s promises.
Because of the deceitfulness of sin, all of us need to be confronted. Because of the guilt, power, and misery of sin, all of us need to be comforted in Christ. We need people around us who will take up God’s call to “speak the truth in love.” Confrontation has been given a bad name in our culture. Confrontation has come to connote harshness. But Scripture presents confrontation as an act of love: they are words that are loving, perceptive, and candid, motivated by my neighbor’s need rather than my convenience.
Similarly, comfort and encouragement have acquired misleading connotations: all-tolerant, relativistic, all-affirming, self-esteem-boosting, unconditional “support.” But biblical comfort is filled with truth, with the gospel of the crucified Savior and the power of the Holy Spirit to change us.
Three aspects of biblical truth-speaking should guide your thinking about the confrontation-comfort process and how to use homework as part of it. First, engage your counselee. Second, hold up and hold out God’s words to counselees. Third, probe issues of the heart as well as issues of behavior.
First, how will you engage your counselee, someone who may be resistant to the truth? Second Samuel 12:1–25 is exemplary. The prophet Nathan confronted David for his adultery and murder. Notice Nathan’s confrontational methodology. He created a dialogue, rather than putting David immediately on the defensive. His story engaged David’s conscience; it penetrated walls of self-deceit and hiding. Nathan then said, “You are the man.” This frank and timely confrontation met with no defensiveness, no deceit, and no excuses. Psalms 32 and 51 portray the inward dynamic of David’s repentant response to Nathan’s skillful confrontation.
Nathan was also a skillful and timely comforter. He did not give David unconditional positive regard, blanket tolerance, or self-esteem-enhancing messages. But he did love David and brought God’s hope to him: “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die” (2 Sam. 12:13). David heartily believed him. Nathan later bore another message of comfort from God to David: “The LORD loved [Solomon]”(2 Sam. 12:24–25). Therefore, Solomon gained a second name, Jedidiah, “loved by the LORD.” Psalms 32 and 51 portray David’s faith in the promises of grace that Nathan ministered to David. The confrontation and comfort that you offer in counseling can benefit from Nathan’s interactive model.
The second aspect of biblical confrontation-comfort is found in James 1: hold up God’s standard and hold out God’s promises. James 1:22–24 likens Scripture to a mirror. This passage wonderfully describes how confrontation takes place in biblical counseling. In the truth-speaking phase of counseling, I want to help counselees see themselves reflected accurately in the Word of God. Often they have been peering into carnival mirrors of self-deception and the opinions of others. They have a distorted view of themselves. Confrontation puts the mirror of the Word in front of counselees so they see themselves as they actually are. Effective biblical counselors do not always have to speak the actual words of rebuke. They hold up the mirror. They use Scripture in such a way that God’s words break through blindness in order to convict. True self-knowledge leads to true repentance and confession.
James 1 also abounds in comfort (vv. 2–5; 12; 17–18; 25). Notice that the heart of biblical comfort is not human affirmation to boost self-esteem, the world’s fraudulent substitute: “I’m for you. I believe in you. I think you’re okay.” Comfort, too, comes from God. If confrontation holds up God’s mirror, comfort holds out God’s promise: If any of you lacks wisdom—if your folly and sin emerge when you are tested—ask God, who gives generously and does not reproach you for needing the help only he can give. That is a promise counselees can take to heart and act on.
The third crucial aspect of the confrontation-comfort phase of counseling is also present in James 1. Verses 14 and 15 show how sinful desires give birth to sinful lifestyles, which result in the misery of God’s curse. Sue, Fran, Bill, Judy, and Bart all experienced misery, confusion, and unhappiness. They all expressed specific sins in their attitudes, actions, and words. They all had defected from God in their hearts, serving false beliefs and lusts of the flesh. You must expose these issues of the heart as well as resultant behavior.
What is God’s agenda in people’s lives? Consider Joel 2:12–13:
“. . . Return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”
Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger, and abounding in love.
The prophet refers to the Old Testament custom of tearing one’s clothes in a moment of grief. Rending garments was an outward sign of a heart response. God doesn’t want “repentance” at the level of behavior alone. He wants repentance that flows out of a heart that returns to him. He wants to recapture and rule your counselees’ hearts, thus changing the way they live. The comfort of counseling invites people to return to the merciful God with all their hearts. Truth speaking in counseling must address the heart as well as behavior.
Counseling needs to be interactive, biblical, and penetrating. How can homework help? Homework that I assign in this phase of counseling falls into two categories: instructional homework and self-awareness homework. I will discuss each of these and give examples.
I assign instructional homework because many of my counselees are poorly taught. They do not know or understand fundamental concepts, categories, principles, commands, and promises of Scripture. Understanding truth is vital if a counselee is to interpret and react to life biblically. So I must teach as I confront; I must teach as I comfort.
The assignment, “What is the Christian life?” (see pages 351–52) offers an example of homework that instructs. You can readily see that this particular homework assignment is encouraging—even inspirational—in its teaching. It also pointedly challenges counselees. Biblical counseling makes no great divide between confrontation and comfort; the two work hand-in-hand to accomplish God’s ends.
Why is a study like this helpful? Many counselees do not grasp the basics of progressive sanctification: “God is up to something in your life. A disciple walks in a way of ongoing transformation, not yet perfect, still failing, but always growing in faith and obedience.” Few understand that the Christian life is a process of change, neither perfection nor defeat. Many counselees look for some “secret” of the Christian life to remove the struggle. Many others simply give up and plod along in their sins and misery. Others have never heard that Christ’s lordship is over all Christians, not simply over a dedicated elite who have taken some second step of consecration. Others still have not grasped that God saves us not only from the damnation of sin (justification), but also the dominion of sin (sanctification and discipleship). Luther’s quotation and the Scripture passages are simultaneously a wake-up call, a challenge, and an encouragement. Study “What is the Christian life?” for yourself. Use it as is to help people you counsel, or adapt the questions to fit the people you are counseling.
Unbiblical systems of thought must be replaced with perspectives on life that are distinctly biblical. I assign the following instructional studies over and over again.
1. What does Scripture say about the heart? (Prov. 4:23; Luke 6:43–45; James 4:1–5)
2. What is idolatry? (Ezek. 14:1–6; Rom. 1:18–32; 1 Cor. 10:1–14; Eph. 5:3–7)
3. What is the counselee’s identity in Christ? (Rom. 6:1–14; Ephesians, 2 Peter 1:3–9)
4. Who is God and what is he doing? (Ps. 34; Ps. 46; Isa. 40; Rom. 8)
5. How should you understand trials and suffering? (Rom. 5:1–5; James 1:1–8; 1 Peter)
6. How should you deal with being sinned against? (Matt. 5; 18:15–35; Rom. 12:9–21)
This is not an exhaustive list, but it provides samples of the kinds of instructional homework that can be assigned during the confrontation-comfort phase of counseling. These assignments allow the counseling time to be used more efficiently. The counselee comes in already having completed a guided study on critical truths that needs to be incorporated into his life and discussed in the session.
The second kind of confrontation-comfort homework I assign is self-awareness homework. These assignments focus on issues of the heart since the heart shapes behavior. The struggle with the deceitfulness of sin takes place internally; repentance and faith take place internally.
One assignment I often give comes out of James 4:1–6. James states that human conflict is caused by the desires that rule my heart. People approach others with an agenda, with spoken or unspoken demands. I ask the counselee to write down the things that are important to him or to respond in writing to the question, “What I really want out of life is . . .” or “What I really want from the people around me is. . . .” Then I ask the counselee to write down ways in which these desires have affected his relationships. “How has your heart agenda (ruling desires) shaped the way you feel and act toward those around you?” is one way to ask the question.
Obviously the goal of this assignment is to get the counselee to acknowledge the idols of heart that consistently move him away from the behavior God requires. Many counselees do not question the logic of their behavior. In fact, they don’t think of behavior as having meaning; that is, that our actions portray our heart’s thoughts and intentions. Because of this, counselees often think they have no choice but to do the things they do. Given their perspective on the situation and their desires, one can understand why they think they have no choice. When they understand that there is a choice, then the promise of James 4:6 becomes meaningful: “But he [God] gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ ” Self-awareness becomes God-awareness and leads to meeting God (James 4:7–10).
I want to help counselees to think about motives. I want to help them to be able to speak from the heart. One way I do this is with the “Responding to the Situations of Life” homework (see page 353). I write a paragraph presenting a problem similar to the kinds of things that the counselee is facing. Then I ask the counselee to respond to the vignette, listing five possible responses to the situation, along with the reason someone might have for choosing each response. This part of the assignment helps him to acknowledge the strategic nature of behavior. I then ask him to characterize his response to a particular situation we have discussed and examine what it reveals about the desires and purposes of his heart.
The study of biblical narratives can be helpful here, and it can easily be incorporated into the “Responding to the Situations of Life” homework. I ask the counselee to examine a biblical character’s response to his or her situation, and then look for clues as to what is motivating those responses: Jonah; Moses in Numbers 11; Gideon in Judges 6; Peter in Galatians 2; Herod in Mark 6; Esther in Esther 4–5. This assignment sets up the call to respond in godly ways out of gratitude to God and concern for God’s glory.
There is one other assignment that I often use at this point in counseling. This assignment uses Matthew 22:37–40. I prepare the counselee for the assignment by discussing the passage with him during the session in which it is assigned. I ask the counselee to meditate on the two Great Commands and how they set an agenda for dealing with the situation in which he lives and the people with whom he must relate every day. Then he makes two lists with the headings, “If I truly love God above everything else, I will . . .” and “If I truly love my neighbor as myself, I will. . . .” The next week we discuss the lists and the specific changes they dictate.
The goal of confrontation-comfort is true repentance that includes thought, motive, and behavior. The biblical counselor needs to design homework that engages counselees in the process of biblical self-examination, leading to heartfelt confession to God, embracing Christ, and functional change in their styles of life.
Action
Goal: Assist the counselee to apply the truths learned about God, self, and others to the specifics of his living situation, making biblical corrections and instituting new biblical habits.
Counseling does not end at the point of insight. The counselee’s insight into himself in light of God’s Word is important as the foundation for the life change that must follow. Scripture has a functional purpose, that we would be “thoroughly equipped for every good work.” The biblical counselor needs to stay on site as the counselee begins to apply what he has learned to the difficult realities of everyday life.
At this point in counseling, significant things have been learned which need to be applied. Here is the counselor’s job description at this point: First, he functions as a shepherd, guiding the counselee as he seeks to apply truths that may be very new to him. Next, the counselor functions as a friend, giving comfort, support, and encouragement as the counselee seeks to deal with the old pressures in new ways. Third, the counselor functions as pastor, holding the counselee accountable to God’s high standard when the temptation comes to turn back or give up. Fourth, the counselor functions as watchman, aware of the reality of temptation, warning the counselee of the Enemy’s subtle attacks, and helping design a defense against the Enemy’s devices. Fifth, the counselor functions as teacher. The course isn’t over when the disciple has new biblical insight. Real life is the practicum, the lab. The teacher needs to be there, continuing to reinforce the truths that have been learned.
These five functions structure the kinds of homework that are appropriate at this phase of counseling.
1. Shepherd. Assign a biblical Personal Agenda. I assign this to the counselee first as homework. Then we work on it together in the next session. First, I ask the counselee to set goals for himself where change needs to take place. I ask him to ask, “Where is God calling for change in my daily life?” (e.g., changes in personal lifestyle and habits, changes in relationships, and changes in the living situation). Second, I ask the counselee to list under each goal specific ways to accomplish that goal. The counselee is creating a strategic task list. The changes are to be instituted for a reason; they move the counselee toward God’s goals. Third, I ask the counselee to prioritize the goals and the task list under each goal. As I said, during the next session we fine-tune the plan for the counselee to put into action.
Put-off/Put-on List. Perhaps the easiest way to get the counselee started during this time in counseling is to begin with a simple put-off/put-on list. I want the counselee to ask, “What are the things in my life, my personal habits, my relationships, and my living situation, that I need to forsake?” And I want him to ask, “What have I not been doing that I now need to be committed to do?” I assign this as homework because I want the counselee to take responsibility for this kind of biblical self-examination and planning. Specific planning leads to specific obedience.
Defining responsibilities is very important. Many of my counselees are confused about what they are and are not responsible for. I assign them simple homework based around God’s call to “trust and obey.” This begins to clarify the issue for them (see Clarifying Responsibility on page 354). Most people who do this find it very helpful. I set it up very simply by saying, “All of us have two circles in our lives, a narrower circle of responsibility and a wider circle of concern. Our circle of responsibility contains all the things God has called us to do. Here we are called to obey. These responsibilities we can give to no one else. They are commands to us in our God-ordained situation. The second circle is the circle of concern. In this circle are things that are important to us and part of our daily concern but they are not our responsibility to produce and are not under our control. These things we must entrust to God. I want you to take the things in your life and place them in the proper circle.” This has proven to be a very simple method of clarifying the issue of responsibility. It also clarifies the cause of anger, anxiety, fear, manipulation, passivity, and many other sins. Attempting to control where you are called to trust and failing to act where you are called to obey are roots of every sort of evil.
One way I set up this assignment is by taking the counselee to Romans 12:17–21. Paul discusses being sinned against; in so doing he distinguishes between God’s responsibility and ours. It is not our job to repay evil for evil; it is the job of God to avenge. Our job is to overcome evil with good. Paul says, “Leave room for God’s wrath.” In effect, he is saying, “Don’t try to do God’s job; stay out of his way. Entrust avenging evil to God and do the good he has clearly called you to do.” Paul also says, “As far as it depends upon you, live at peace with everyone.” Your job is to seek to make peace. But you are not responsible for actually changing any other person or turning enemies into friends. You must trust God for the outcome—whether happy or unhappy—of your efforts. This passage provides a simple way to set up the responsibility assignment. Use it or adapt it to those you counsel.
2. Friend. The focus here is encouraging and supporting the counselee with the gospel as she does the hard work of application. Generally, I assign guided studies of passages of Scripture that highlight one’s identity as a child of God, the hope of the gospel, the promises of God, the resources that God has supplied, the power God has given one to change and obey, the present ministry of the Holy Spirit, viewing today’s struggle from the vantage point of eternity, and the power of God over evil. I design each assignment for the needs of the particular counselee, have her work on it at home during the week, and then discuss it with her at the beginning of the next session.
3. Pastor. In Hebrews 13 the pastor is described as someone who watches over God’s people as one “who must give an account.” Counseling is more than dispensing advice. Counseling has a pastoral function. I am personally accountable to God for the people he has placed in my care. The pastor not only gives God’s people the truth; he holds them accountable for believing and obeying it. Under this function I assign two kinds of homework. The first is assessment homework. I lay it out this way:
• Things I have learned (about God, myself, others, life, gospel, my living situation, etc.).
• Things I need to learn (areas of confusion or doubt).
• Things that have changed (list specific changes that have been made).
• Things that still need to be changed.
• Things I am doing to address these issues; places where change is needed.
The second assignment I employ here is the journal. I lay it out for the counselee in the exact manner described earlier, with the five questions. This works very well for both assessment and accountability. It is also encouraging to compare this journal work to the journaling done earlier in counseling. This leads the counselee to heartfelt praise and to recognize the need for consistency, discipline, and further change.
4. Watchman. Here the counselor functions in two primary ways. First, the watchman warns. I want to keep the counselee alert to the Enemy’s attacks. Second, the watchman protects. I want to help the counselee set up suitable defenses against these attacks. I will give an example of a homework assignment under each function.
• Warning: One frequent assignment is a “pressure points” list. I want counselees to identify where their struggle is taking place. I want them to identify where they are tempted to bend the rules or cut corners. And I want them to consider why they are particularly vulnerable at these points. The discussion that comes out of this assignment is very useful for setting the agenda for the next assignment.
• Protection: What I almost always assign next is to have the counselee design a “temptation plan” for the times and places where attack is occurring. Often after counselees have done the assignment and we have fine-tuned it together, I will have them write the important elements on a 3 x 5 card to carry with them and have available at the moment temptation strikes. The plan includes three things:
Things to think (important passages, biblical concepts, warnings).
Actions to take (things that must be done to have victory over this temptation).
A person to call (someone who has agreed to be “on call” as a support and encouragement when needed).
5. Teacher: Finally, I function here like a teacher moving among students gathered around the tables in a science lab. He is guiding their application work. The teacher asks questions and makes observations that students might not make. He even teaches new things when appropriate. So, as an “expert in the field,” I continue to teach my counselees as they apply the things they have learned. I want to mention two kinds of teaching homework.
First is biblical interpretation homework. The purpose of these assignments is not only to help a counselee think biblically about his life but to teach him how to develop a valid biblical understanding and interpretation of the things he must deal with daily. We identify situations that still provoke confusion or struggle. We find relevant passages of Scripture and assign these as homework. I ask the counselee to ask four questions of each passage:
• How does God describe this?
• What is God’s purpose in this?
• What does God want me to do?
• What are the resources God has given me for this?
I then take what he has learned from Scripture and help him use it to interpret what he is experiencing.
The second type of homework I assign in the teaching function is new subject homework. This homework goes after specific subject matter that the counselee does not understand biblically. These might include finances, sex, work and career, the church, parenting, communication, personal devotional life, etc. I design guided studies appropriate to the maturity level of the counselee. I want the counselee to do some digging before we discuss the topic together.
The final goal of counseling is taking action. This has to do with actually doing what God has called me to do in the place he has ordained for me. For the counselor, this step of action means shepherding, befriending, pastoring, protecting, and teaching. Homework is one of the tools the biblical counselor must use to accomplish these goals. The reasons for this should be clear. This phase of counseling moves toward action, and homework requires the counselee to take action. It requires him to accept responsibility for the changes in his life. It requires him to dig, study, assess, do, and redo. And he builds spiritual muscle and spiritual discipline all along.
It is difficult to overstate the importance of homework in the counseling we do with the Sues, Frans, Bills, Judys, and Barts God sends our way. Homework is not a luxury. It is not an adjunct to the normal biblical counseling process. It is a vital part of productive biblical counseling. Whether building relationships, gathering data, confronting sin, offering Christ’s comfort, or making concrete application, homework is useful. It keeps the counselee active; it keeps him in Scripture; it engages his heart; it makes him responsible for his behavior. Homework makes the counselee participate actively during every phase of counseling. Homework advances the work of the counselor as the counselee takes the counselor home with him in the form of practical, productive, wise, and God-honoring homework. Jay Adams, in discussing homework, says,
From the very outset they [counselees] are required to do what God expects of them in the light of Scripture and in dependence upon the power of the Holy Spirit. The counselor does not do their work for them. He coaches them; he is a shepherd who leads his sheep. Yet they do the work. He insists that they learn to “work out their salvation” (solution) through obedience to God and dependence upon his aid. Homework puts the emphasis where it belongs—upon the counselee’s responsibility to God and his neighbor. 3
The Enemy's Lies
God's Truth
“Your problems are unique, bigger, and tougher than other peoples’.” (List problems in your life that you have thought about this way.)
“You are dealing with common temptations.” (List the daily temptations you face that are not unlike others’ temptations.)
“God has forgotten you.” (List the places where you have tended to feel forgotten.)
“I am faithful.” (List evidences of the faithfulness of God in your life.)
“Your problems are more than you can bear.” (Where have you felt overwhelmed or overburdened?)
“I will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” (What are the resources for dealing with your problems that are already present in your life?)
“You are trapped and there is no way out.” (List the problems you are facing that seem unsolvable.)
“I will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (Identify changes in you that would enable you to deal with the difficulties of your situation.)
Getting the Big Picture
Luke 6:43–45
Situation:
What is going on? (Circumstances, behavior of others)
Fruit:
How are you responding to what is going on? (Emotions, actions, reactions)
Roots:
What do you think about what is going on? (God, myself, others, life)
What do you want? (Goals, desires, wants, demands)
What is the Christian life?
1. The following are different views of the Christian life:
a. Do you think that there is a “secret” to the Christian life that ends the struggle and makes life easy sailing?
b. Have you resigned yourself to failure as a Christian because it seems too hard to change?
c. Have you ever become a “disciple,” someone consciously changing, learning how to think and act like Jesus Christ in every situation of life?
d. When you become aware of a shortcoming in your life, do you treat it as a great crisis, either to excuse or to despair over or to seek instantaneous perfection and deliverance?
2. Read this description of the normal Christian life:
This life, therefore, is not righteousness but growth
in righteousness,
not health but healing,
not being but becoming,
not rest but exercise.
We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing
toward it;
the process is not yet finished but it is going on;
this is not the end but it is the road.
All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified.
—Martin Luther
a. What is this life like?
b. What promises does this hold out, both for the present and the future?
c. Is this your view of the Christian life? Where are you challenged? How are you encouraged?
d. How specifically do you need to change?
3. Luther wrote what he wrote because he had studied the Bible. Study the following passages of Scripture: James 1:2–5; Philippians 1:6; 1:9–11; 2:12–13; 2 Peter 1:3–11. Ask of each passage the same questions you asked of Luther’s quotation.
a. What is this life like?
b. What promises does this hold out, both for the present and the future?
c. Is this your view of the Christian life? Where are you challenged? How are you encouraged?
d. How specifically do you need to change?
Responding to the Situations of Life
Read the following story carefully. (Counselor writes a paragraph vignette that relates to situations in the counselee’s life.)
List five ways a person could respond to the above situation and then attach a goal or purpose to each.
Response
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Reason
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
How have you responded to ___________?
What does that tell you about the desires and purposes of your heart?
Clarifying Responsibility
Things that are concerns in my life but are not my responsibility. These things I must entrust to God.
1. 6.
2. 7.
3. 8.
4. 9.
5. 10.
Things that are my God-ordained responsibility and, therefore, cannot be given to anyone else.
1. 6.
2. 7.
3. 8.
4. 9.
5. 10.
Changes that I need to make:
Notes
Chapter 1: The Best of News: A Reason to Get Up in the Morning
1
For further study, see “Wisdom in Counseling,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 19.2, (winter 2001), 4–13.
Chapter 2: In the Hands of the Redeemer
1
For further study, see “The Great Commission: A Paradigm for Ministry in the Local Church,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 16.3 (spring 1998), 2–4.
2
See David Henderson’s book, Culture Shift: Communicating God’s Truth to Our Changing World (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1998), for a helpful discussion on the proper use of Scripture on p. 29ff.
3
For a further application of this principle to marriage, see “Whose Dream? Which Bread?” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 15.3 (spring 1997), 47–50. This article is also published as a booklet in the Resources for Changing Lives Series, entitled Marriage: Whose Dream?
Chapter 3: Do We Really Need Help?
1
For an expanded discussion of this concept, see appendixes 1–3.
Chapter 4: The Heart Is the Target
1
This illustration first appeared in Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens (Phillipsburg, N.J.: P&R, 1997), 49–50.
Chapter 8: Building Relationships by Identifying with Suffering
1
I highly recommend two books for further study: When God Weeps, by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997) and Why Does It Have to Hurt? by Dan G. McCartney (Phillipsburg, N.J.: P&R, 1998).
2
For further study, see my article “Keeping Destiny in View: Helping Counselees View Life from the Perspective of Eternity,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 13.1 (fall 1994), 13–24. This article is also published as a booklet in the Resources for Changing Lives series, entitled Suffering: Eternity Makes a Difference.
Chapter 12: The Process of Speaking the Truth in Love
1
For more reading on the use of homework in each stage of personal ministry, see appendixes 4–5.
2
For further discussion, see “Speaking Redemptively,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 16.3 (spring 1998), 10–18, and “Grumbling—A Look at a ‘Little’ Sin,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling, volume 18.2 (winter 2000), 47–52.
Chapter 14: Instilling Identity with Christ and
Providing Accountability
Providing Accountability
1
This hymn, with lyrics by Heinrich T. Schenk, is taken from The Trinity Hymnal (Philadelphia, Pa.: Great Commission Publications, 1990), #542.
Appendix 4: Doctrines that Drive Homework
1
Jay Adams, Ready to Restore, (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1981), 72.
2
Numbers 11–21; Philippians 2:14–16; etc.
3
Quotes are from the second and third verses of the hymn “Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners!”
4
An example of a Personal Data Inventory (PDI) may be found in Jay Adams’s The Christian Counselor’s Manual (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973), 433–435.
5
L. Berkhof, Systematic Theology (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1941), 534.
Appendix 5: Homework and Four Phases of Counseling
1
See 2 Corinthians 1:3–2:4, 1 Thessalonians 2:1–20, and Acts 20:17–38 for three extended passages in which love and personal honesty set the stage for effective ministry of the Word. Paul continually builds on his relationship with his hearers, even in those epistles that are relatively more “impersonal” and “objective” (e.g., Ephesians, Colossians, Romans).
2
Wayne Mack, A Homework Manual for Biblical Counseling, vol. 2 (Phillipsburg, N.J.: P&R, 1980).
3
Jay Adams, Christian Counselor’s Manual (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973), 306f.
Index of Scripture
Genesis
1—41
1:26—272
1:26–28—39
2—248
3—46, 48, 50
3:1–7—47
3:15—32
6:5—13, 324
Exodus
4:11—143
13–14—333
14—322
Leviticus
11:44—239, 285
19—205
19:15–18—100
Numbers
11—212, 333, 334, 342
11–21—319, 356n.2 (Append. 4)
20—333
Deuteronomy
8—319, 333
Judges
6—342
1 Samuel
2:2–7—143
8—334
17—334
2 Samuel
12:1–7—232–33
12:1–25—338
12:5—235
12:7–12—235
12:13—235, 338
12:13–14—235
12:24–25—338
1 Kings
19—334
Esther
4–5—342
Psalms—130, 329
3—31
4—31
14—48
14:1—15
25:7–8—143
32—338
33:5—143
34—341
34:8–10—143
36—301, 302
36:2—301
36:2–4—301
37—329, 334
46—285, 294, 334, 341
51—338
51:5—10
60:3—143
73—212, 251, 317
100:5—143
103:5—83
119:98–100—282
136—143
139—287
139:23–24—287
145:4–9—143
145:13—252
Proverbs
4:23—272, 341
11:23—316
12:6—293
12:15—291, 293
12:16—291
13:12—316
13:19—316
14:6—293
14:12—100
14:16—291
14:30—317
15:1—293
15:5—291
16:9—143
17:16—282, 291
18:2—291
18:19—317
20:3—291
20:5—273, 316
23:9—291
26:5—291
28:26—291
29:9—291
29:11—291
Isaiah
1:10–20—231
29:13—70, 231
35:5—277
40—341
42:7—300
42:16—278
45:7—143
55—24
55:10–13—23
59:9–10—278
Lamentations
3:28—143
Ezekiel
14:1–5—65, 324
14:1–6—341
14:3—68
14:5—324
Daniel
4:34–35—29, 143
Joel
2:12–13—213, 339
Amos
3:6—143
6—236
Jonah—342
4:1–3—229–30
Habakkuk—144
Matthew
5—341
5–7—107
5:9—249
5:20—285
5:23–24—254
6:19—293
6:19–24—71
6:19–34—316
7—53, 280
7:1–5—329
7:3–5—249
18:15–20—236
18:15–35—341
22:37—200
22:37–40—197, 342
22:39—201
23—65, 231
23:13–39—236
23:23—285
23:25—226, 272
23:25–26—62
Mark
1:15—3
6—342
7—248
7:20–23—272
Luke
6:37–42—329
6:43–45—60, 248, 272, 325, 337, 341, 350
6:45—77
7:36–50—232
9:18–27—107
9:23–25—252
10:25–37—107
14:1–14—232
14:26–27—119
15–18—107
17:3–4—249
17:20–21—4
18—286
22:42—85
John
1—102
1:14—97
1:18—97
3:1–21—107
4:1–26—107
13–17—207
15—260
16:12–16—169
17:20–23—101
17:22—102
Acts
1:7–11—269
2:22–24—144
3:14–23—144
4:27–28—143
17:24–28—252
17:26–27—295
20:17–38—356n.1
(Append. 5)
(Append. 5)
Romans—291
1—66
1:18–23—341
1:21–25—66
1:25—82, 280, 299, 317
2:4—213
5:1–5—341
5:1–11—333
6:1–14—53, 207, 341
6:15–17—260
7—294
7:19—15–16
7:21–23—15–16
8—341
8:1–11—207, 215
8:1–17—214–15, 273
8:12–17—216
8:17—143
8:18–39—285, 333
8:28—298
8:28–29—290
8:28–39—295
8:31–39—118
11:36—34
12:3—301
12:9–21—341
12:14—256
12:14–21—249, 255–56
12:15—256
12:16—256
12:17–21—344
12:19—256
12:20—256
12:21—256
1 Corinthians
10:1–14—333, 341
10:13—349
10:13–14—316, 333
12—327
13—118, 330
2 Corinthians—152
1—155
1:3–6—143
1:3–7—151
1:3–9—144
1:3–11—151
1:3–2:4—356n.1 (Append. 5)
1:8–11—151, 155
4—7
4:1–16—144
4:7–18—297
5—108
5:5–8—265
5:14—213
5:14–15—28, 252
5:14–21—273
5:14–6:2—1–3
5:15—108, 265
5:16–21—249
5:20—108
7:1—326
10:3–5—302, 308, 315
10:13—312
11:1–3—185, 240
Galatians
2—342
5—91, 92
5:13–26—89
5:15—90
5:16—90
5:16–18—90, 92
5:16–26—207, 290
5:24—90, 92, 207
6:1—137, 273, 289
6:2—268, 273, 274
6:7—226, 270
6:7–8—280
Ephesians—333, 341
1:3–7—295
1:3–9—296
1:11—143
1:18–23—298
1:22–23—294
2:3—281
2:6–7—260
2:10—325
3—300
3:16—59
3:20—214
4—20, 21, 325, 327
4:1–2—292
4:11–16—19, 272
4:15—332
4:22–24—230, 247
4:25–32—330
4:25–5:2—290
4:26—208
4:29–5:2—107, 249
4:31—317
5—248
5:3–7—341
5:22–23—249
5:25—239
6—124
Philippians
1:6—352
1:9–11—295, 352
2:1–12—107, 267
2:1–14—274
2:1–16—319
2:2—267
2:2–12—267
2:3—267
2:4—267
2:5–8—267
2:5–9—143
2:12–13—352
2:14–16—356n.2 (Append. 4)
3:1–16—291
4:4–10—334
Colossians
2:3—48
2:8—12, 48, 315
3:1–14—290
3:1–17—291
3:5–14—316
3:12—135
3:12–17—134
3:15–17—135, 272
1 Thessalonians
2:1–20—356n.1 (Append. 5)
1 Timothy
4:16—97
2 Timothy
3:16–17—272
Titus
2:11–12—158
2:11–15—84
Hebrews
2—147
2:10—147
2:10–12—145
3:12–13—51, 249, 288
3:13—53, 268
4:12—225, 324
4:14–16—111, 165–66, 273
4:14–5:9—332
4:15—167
5:11–14—184
13—345
James—89, 90
1—339
1:1–8—341
1:2–5—339, 352
1:2–8—143
1:2–27—333
1:12—339
1:14—73
1:14–15—339
1:17–18—339
1:22–24—338
1:22–25—273, 279
1:25—339
3:17—292
4—294, 325
4:1—293
4:1–2—316, 317
4:1–5—341
4:1–6—330, 341
4:1–10—76, 272, 291, 316
4:3–4—317
4:4—82
4:6—342
4:7–10—342
4:8—88
5:10–11—143
1 Peter—143, 341
1—251
1:1–2:3—333
1:3–11—352
1:22—326
2:23—107
4:12–13—153
2 Peter
1:3—262
1:3–4—294
1:3–9—213, 249, 261, 274, 290, 341
1:4—159, 264, 295, 300
1:5–8—262
1:8—261
1:8–9—298
1:9—262
1 John
1:5–10—214
3:1–3—213, 260, 274
3:11–20—201
4:7–21—201
Revelation
3:17—279
19:6–8—4
Resources for Changing Lives
Addictions—A Banquet in the Grave: Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel. Edward T. Welch shows how addictions result from a worship disorder—idolatry—and how they are overcome by the power of the gospel. 978-0-87552-606-5
Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, 2d ed. Paul David Tripp uncovers the heart issues affecting parents’ relationship with their teenagers. 978-0-87552-605-8
Blame It on the Brain? Distinguishing Chemical Imbalances, Brain Disorders, and Disobedience. Edward T. Welch compares the roles of the brain and the heart in problems such as alcoholism, depression, ADD, and homosexuality. 978-0-87552-602-7
Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Paul David Tripp demonstrates how God uses his people, who need change themselves, as tools of change in the lives of others. 978-0–87552–607–2
Seeing with New Eyes: Counseling and the Human Condition through the Lens of Scripture. David Powlison embraces, probes, and unravels counseling and the problems of daily life with a biblical perspective. 978-0-87552-608-9
Step by Step: Divine Guidance for Ordinary Christians. James C. Petty sifts through approaches to knowing God’s will and illustrates how to make biblically wise decisions. 978-0-87552-603-4
War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles. Paul David Tripp takes us beyond superficial solutions in the struggle to control our tongues. 978-0-87552-604-1
When People Are Big and God Is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man. Edward T. Welch exposes the spiritual dimensions of pride, defensiveness, people-pleasing, needing approval, “self-esteem,” etc. 978-0-87552-600-3
Booklet Series: A.D.D.; Anger; Angry at God?; Bad Memories; Depression; Domestic Abuse; Forgiveness; God’s Love; Guidance; Homosexuality; “Just One More”; Marriage; Motives; OCD; Pornography; Pre-Engagement; Priorities; Procrastination; Self-Injury; Sexual Sin; Stress; Suffering; Suicide; Teens and Sex; Thankfulness; Why Me?; Worry
For a complete catalog of titles from P&R Publishing, call (800) 631-0094 or visit www.prpbooks.com
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Paul Tripp is the president of Paul Tripp Ministries, a nonprofit organization whose mission statement is “Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life.” This mission leads Paul to weekly speaking engagements around the world. From 2007 to 2011, Paul was also on the pastoral staff at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where he preached on Sunday evenings and led the Ministry to Center City. Paul is also the Professor of Pastoral Life and Care at Redeemer Seminary in Dallas, Texas, and the Executive Director of the Center for Pastoral Life and Care in Fort Worth, Texas, and has taught at respected institutions worldwide. As an author, Paul has written ten books on Christian living that are read and distributed internationally. He has been married for many years to Luella, and they have four grown children. For speaking engagements and other information see www.paultrippministries.org
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Table of Contents
To “Get” the News You Have to Understand the Story
Now for the Best of News
Our News Must Be the Good News
Why Hope Rests on a Person
What Sin Does to Us
Many Tools in the Toolbox
But There Is More
God’s Monsoon
Answers, Encyclopedias, and Outlines
Tell Me the Old, Old Story
God’s Rebar
Amazing Grace
It’s Not Your Party
A Life Worth Living
The Best Place to Start Is at the Beginning
People Think
You Gotta Serve Somebody
Putting It All Together
The Entrance of Another Counselor
Why Obey God?
People, the Serpent, and Personal Ministry
Saved, But Still Needy
Bringing It All Together
Why Do People Do the Things They Do?
Fruit, Roots, and the Heart
Personal Ministry and Fruit Stapling
The Heart of the Matter
God’s Response
Covert and Overt Idolatry
Applying the Principle
It’s a Matter of Treasure
Looking for Conflict in All the Wrong Places
An Army of Desires in a World at War
Dueling Kingdoms and Relational Chaos
Spiritual Adultery and Anger with People
A Jealous Grace
The Capture of the Heart
The Humble Cleansing of the Heart
Powerful Passions and Powerful Desires
Two Realities
So You Want to Be an Instrument of Change?
To Understand Your Calling, You Need to Understand the Incarnation
Grace and Truth
A New Agenda
A Focused Calling
Love, Know, Speak, Do
Foundational Love
Redemptive Relationships
What Does a Redemptive Relationship Look Like?
In a World Where Suffering Is Common
Suffering and Personal Ministry
Breaking Through the Casual
Christ the Data Gatherer
The Problem of Assumptions
Making Sure Your Conclusions Are Correct
The Importance of Asking Good Questions
Now for Some Good Questions
The Redemptive Importance of Good Questions
Making Sense of the Data
Organizing the Information Biblically
Understanding and Using the Hooks
What About Emotions?
Loving God and People Enough to Take Time
Biblical Confrontation Means Starting with Your Own Heart
Biblical Confrontation Starts with the Right Goals
Don’t Leave the Gospel at the Door
Understanding the Steps of the Confrontation Process
How to Confront Biblically
Quitting Too Soon
Ingredients Needed to Encourage Change
Knowing Where You’re Going
Applying the Three Questions
Trust and Obey
The Importance of Knowing Who You Are
The Gift of Loving Accountability
What Accountability Provides
The Simplicity and Grandeur of Personal Ministry
Core Truths of an Ambassadorial Lifestyle
Getting the Big Picture
What is the Christian life?
Responding to the Situations of Life
Clarifying Responsibility