11 Sex Is Sacred
Sex Is Sacred
When I was very young and first met the text of the seventh commandment, I thought (believe it or not) that adultery meant simply a grown-up way of behaving. Since then I, like you, have learned that some adults do in fact see sex outside marriage as a sign of being truly grown-up—“mature” is the word used, though I think it is misapplied. (When a Sunday school pupil defined adultery as the sin of pretending to be older than you are, in moral if not physical terms, it seems to me he hit the nail on the head with a resonant bang!) But what the words “you shall not commit adultery” call us to face is, first, that sex is for marriage, and for marriage only; second, that marriage must be seen as a relation of lifelong fidelity; third, that other people’s marriages must not be interfered with by sexual intrusion. One mark of true maturity is to grasp these principles, and live by them.
The Place for Sex
Not that Scripture is squeamish about sexual joy, as Christians have sometimes been. Passages like Proverbs 5:18ff. and the Song of Songs show that God, who invented it, is all for it—in its place! But sexual activity is often out of place—when, for instance, it is directed by such motives as the quest for kicks, or for relief from mental or physical tension, or loneliness or boredom, or the desire to control or humiliate; or mere animal reaction to someone’s sex appeal. Such motives cheapen sex, making it (despite the short-term excitement) trivial and ugly, and leaving behind, once the thrill is over, more of disgust than delight.
What then is the place and purpose of sex? God intends, as the story of Eve’s creation from Adam shows, that the “one flesh” experience should be an expression and a heightening of the partners’ sense that, being given to each other, they now belong together, each needing the other for completion and wholeness (see Genesis 2:18-24). This is the “love” that committed couples are to “make” when they mate. Children are born from their relationship, but this is secondary; what is basic is the enriching of their relationship itself through their repeated “knowing” of each other as persons who belong to each other exclusively and without reserve. So the place for sex is the place of lifelong mutual fidelity, i.e. marriage, where sexual experience grows richer as the couple experiences more and more of each other’s loving faithfulness in the total relationship.
False Trails
It follows that casual sex outside marriage (called “adultery” if either partner is married, “fornication” if not) cannot fulfill God’s ideal, for it lacks the context of pledged fidelity. In casual sex a man does not strictly love a woman, but uses and so abuses her (however willing she may be). Nor can solitary masturbation fulfill God’s ideal; sex is for relationships, not ego trips.
And the relationships intended are heterosexual only; God forbids and condemns homosexual practices (Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:26ff.). In these days it needs to be said, indeed shouted, that accepting as from God a life without what Kinsey called “outlets” (i.e., physical sex acts) does one no harm, nor does it necessarily shrink one’s humanity. After all, Jesus, the perfect man, was a celibate, and Paul, whether bereaved, deserted, or never married, lived single throughout his ministry. Not all who wish for a sexual partner can have one, but what God by circumstances calls us to he will also enable us for.
Sex is a Signpost
In the jungle of modern permissiveness the meaning and purpose of sex is missed, and its glory is lost. Our benighted society urgently needs recalling to the noble and ennobling view of sex which Scripture implies and the seventh commandment assumes: namely, that sex is for fully and permanently committed relationships which, by being the blend of affection, loyalty, and biology that they are, prepare us for and help us into that which is their archetype—“the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united” to God, men, and angels “in an ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water” (C. S. Lewis).
Will that be fun? Yes, that is one thing it will be, so no wonder God has made its earthly analogue fun too. Nor may you despise it, any more than you may deify it, on that account. The sweetness of affection between the sexes, linked (as it always is) with the sense that a couple’s relationship, however complete, is never quite complete, is actually a jeweled signpost pointing us on to God. When folk in the Romeo-and-Juliet state of mind say “this thing is bigger than us,” they speak more truly than they sometimes realize. But a signpost only helps those who will head the way it directs, and if you insisted on camping for life beside a lovely signpost, you would be daft; you would never get anywhere.
Further Bible Study
Sex mishandled:
Proverbs 6:20-7:27
1 Corinthians 6:9-20
The joy of sexual love:
Song of Solomon 1-8
Questions for Thought and Discussion
What is the biblical concept of marriage? What does sex outside marriage lack in terms of God’s ideal?
What is God’s primary purpose for sex? What does the expression “one flesh” indicate about this?
How would you counsel a person who confessed to homosexual inclinations?